Jax's arm is draped across Tara's shoulder while they start heading down the hallway toward the main room of the Clubhouse.
Even though she feels incredibly nervous about Jax talking to the Sons, about what happened, and about Juice, she also can't deny the momentary feelings of pure joy she feels right now when she dares to look up at the man walking right beside her.
The joyful smile on his face hasn't faded since she let him put her rings back on her finger, and then there was the kiss that followed, which caused them to lose track of time again.
She knows just by looking at him right now, that she's made the right decision about them and their relationship, about letting him in a little, letting him a bit closer. She can just see it in the way his blue eyes sparkle when he looks down at her, the way he holds his chin a bit higher, puffs his chest out a little more, and of course in the way that well-known Teller swagger is more exaggerated again too.
And for a brief moment, she is sixteen again, because it reminds her so much of the boy she fell in love with back in High School, way before he got jaded with the darkness that surrounds the Club and the life that comes with it. It is nice to see that side of him shine through, even just a little, even just for a moment. It gives her hope!
Once they reach the main room, there is hooting and hollering and they are instantly surrounded by Club members and hang-rounds alike. Everyone wants to say hello, hug, and kiss, and try to catch up on how their life outside of Charming has been going. And despite still being incredibly nervous about it all, Tara can't deny that small part of her that makes her feel welcome here after all this time. Even the girls, or maybe especially the girls, some of whom she doesn't even recognize, make her feel welcome to be back in the midst, showing her respect, unlike the whores did last night at Diosa.
Tara is used to having to put on a brave face, as a matter of fact, she's perfected that brave face over the last couple of years, along with having to pretend that the way she is often treated was no skin off her back. But right now, being as nervous as she already feels, it is nice to be treated like she still matters, and not have to make use of that particular talent of hers.
They quickly realize that word in Charming still travels as fast as ever, when Chibs brings up what Candy told the Sheriff, which in turn made its way back to his ears. Everyone has a good chuckle about the fact that their former pres and his old lady have been caught red-handed, out in the middle of nowhere, making out like some horny teenagers.
Despite it all being just a big fat lie, Tara's cheeks still flush when Chibs relays the story he's been told in great detail, and Jax in turn very convincingly plays along, grinning like the cat who ate the canary as he playfully winks at Tara right next to him.
Eventually, the laughter and conversation die down a bit, and Jax pulls her close for a moment, whispers in her ear about not worrying too much, and softly kisses her on the lips, before he disappears along with Bobby and Chibs in the room with the reaper table, closing the doors to talk in private behind them.
Oddly enough the girls continue to swarm around Tara like bees around their queen, while the guys take turns playing games on the pool table.
Tara is grateful though when Lyla reappears and settles in the barstool beside her, striking up another conversation with her about the kids and school and life in Charming these days, but it still isn't distracting enough to really take her mind off what was currently being discussed between Jax and his former brothers.
The blinds in the room are drawn, and it doesn't sit well with her that she can't even see their facial expressions while she sits here waiting restlessly, like on pins and needles. It doesn't help either when the door opens just for a moment, and Chibs orders all of the Sons to come in and join what is happening inside.
Tara watches all of this, and she can feel her heart begin to race once more, not liking it at all.
And even Lyla couldn't hold her tongue either, "What do you think that's about?" Her dark-blonde eyebrows pull together, when she looks back at Tara with a quizzical expression.
Tara hesitates for a minute and swallows back the lump in her throat, but then decides to give Lyla at least part of the truth. Why exactly she decides to do this, she isn't entirely sure. Maybe she is just tired of lying to Christy so it is refreshing, to tell the truth to someone, or maybe she did it because it feels like the right thing to do at the moment. "Jax is still worried because Juice still hasn't been found. He wants to see if anyone here has heard anything new, you know?"
Lyla nods, "Makes sense." She takes a long drag from her cigarette savoring the moment, then slowly exhales before she shakes her head and a concerned expression crosses her pretty face, "I still can't believe Juice would do something like that."
Tara nods in return, "I know. Me too."
Lyla looks at her for a long moment, before she decides to ask the question she's been wondering about since Tara arrived, "Did any of your memories come back yet? From that day, I mean?"
Tara sighs, trying her best once more to seem more at ease than she actually feels, "No." She shakes her head, forcing a sad smile. "Not yet."
Lyla nods, and takes another drag from her cigarette, "Honestly, it's probably for the best. God knows there's a bunch of shit I wish I could forget." She says, and then averts her eyes from her brunette friend as she gets lost in her own thoughts for a brief moment.
Tara smiles wryly at that, nods along, and stubs out the cigarette she's been smoking, "Yeah, I know what you mean."
X
Gemma tries her best to keep herself busy with work, but no matter how hard she tries, her mind keeps going back to her son's words from earlier. She's been on a warpath with Tara ever since she found out that her daughter-in-law wanted to take her grandbabies out of Charming and move them all the way to Oregon, after promising her that she'll get her family back if she'd only help Jax frame Clay.
But now, after all this time, she finds herself at war for a whole other reason. Gemma knows she's made a mistake, not a simple one, no, this was a huge life-altering mistake. She'd been drunk and high on weed, and her head was clouded with misinformation, when she attacked Tara in the Teller home in a vicious rage. Only to find out after the fact, that Tara hadn't ratted after all, but instead, her son gave himself up to keep the love of his life out from behind bars. So she knows she is at fault, having done what she did, but now after all this time, she found herself with a brand new dilemma at hand.
Like Jax said, if she truly wants to ever be a part of his and her grandsons' lives again, she has to figure out how to mend the rift that still runs deep between Tara and herself. But there lies the second conundrum she faces, because by trying to get closer again to her daughter-in-law, she ultimately fears the possibility that the younger woman's memories would return, and she'd be exposed as the culprit behind the attack that almost killed her all those months ago.
None of this would be a problem, and her son would most likely still be living here in Charming, if she'd only double-checked to make sure she was really dead, instead of leaving her still breathing on that kitchen floor to be found just in the nick of time by none other than Jax himself. That is obviously the second mistake she made that fateful day, but it is equally as life-altering as the first.
So now Gemma is at a loss. She loves Thomas and Abel more than anything, maybe except for her son Jackson himself. But is she willing to risk her freedom, her life, just for the off chance that Tara would even allow her back into the family fold? And what would that even look like? The occasional visit on Thanksgiving or Christmas, she wondered.
But then again, now that Tara is better, and has Jax back under her spell, she's surely wasted no time sinking her claws back into him, and is steadily riding him with as much vigor as her son loves to ride his Harley. So there is a good possibility that Tara will get pregnant again. And if she kept her distance, she'd never even get the chance to meet the newest Teller at all.
And besides, what else does she really have to live for if not for her son and those precious babies of his?
With those thoughts in mind, Gemma pushes the paperwork that sits right in front of her aside, stubs out the last of her cigarette in the ashtray on her desk, and exhales the remaining smoke from her lungs as quickly as she can.
She reaches for the gift bags on the floor beside her desk. Once Jax informed her that they were coming into town, she picked a little something up for Abel and Thomas. And as she stares at the contents of each bag one more time, she quickly decides that a gift for those adorable baby boys is as good an ice-breaker between their mother and her, as any.
Before she can change her mind again, Gemma hurriedly crosses the T-M parking lot, and heads for the Clubhouse entrance. She takes in one last deep breath, bracing herself against all the mixed emotions that are likely to hit her the moment she lays eyes on the woman she tried to kill. The woman whom her son loves more than anything.
She steps inside, with slow and deliberate steps now, her hands tightening around the strings of the gift bags in her hand, so much so that her long manicured nails are digging into her sweaty palm. Her eyes scan the room for a brief moment, until they suddenly connect with Tara's. And both women practically freeze in place.
A beat or two passes, and Gemma swallows the lump that has formed in her throat, unsure, and waits for a reaction from Tara. A sign of some sort, a flash of recognition, a scream out loud that she is the one that attacked her and tried to murder her.
But when nothing happens, Gemma instead finds herself fighting the sudden onslaught of guilt as she takes in Tara sitting there at the bar with Lyla. She loved her once, deeply, like the daughter she never had. But now, that is all history, all gone, or at least she tries to tell herself that it is.
It simply has to be over if she doesn't want the shame and guilt to destroy her from the inside out. It is easier to justify her actions if she still hates the younger woman, so that's what she decides for herself to keep doing.
Yet at the same time, she is smart enough to play the game she knows she has to play in order to get back into Tara and Jax's good graces, and hopefully be allowed back into the family sooner rather than later.
Her heart is beating out of her chest, and her head rushes with all these different possibilities once more, how this meeting and reconnecting could ultimately be the proverbial end of her. But Gemma refuses to play the role of the coward, hiding out in her office for another moment longer.
It's been those same nightmarish thoughts that stopped her over the last several months from reaching out, but it is finally time to push them aside and move forward.
In their conversation earlier, Jax made it crystal clear that he has no regrets about leaving all of this behind, so there is no use in continuing to deny the fact that her son is truly no longer the heir to the SAMCRO throne, and she simply has to figure out how to come to terms with it, as her world around her crumbles into something she doesn't even recognize anymore.
She just couldn't do this any longer, at least not without Jax, and without Abel and Thomas.
With that thought in mind, Gemma takes a deep breath and forges forward, stepping right up to the bar, face to face with the woman she wanted dead, but hadn't succeeded. Tara has indeed caused her to lose everything that matters, but it is also true that Tara is the only way to get it all back again. She tries to remind herself of that as she tries to smile graciously at the two younger women.
"Hi, Girls." She says, awkwardly, and places the gift bags onto the lower sitting round table next to the bar, before she lets her eyes drift back up to meet Tara's.
"Hi, Gemma," Tara replies, equally awkward, as they both size each other up, like two animals ready to pounce at any given moment if the need should arise.
But then it happens, those goddamn feelings she doesn't want to feel, but couldn't stop them even if she tries, because her head is just such a fucking mess these days. So utterly torn between love and hate! So she can't stop herself from rounding the corner of the bar, and with a trembling chin and watery eyes pulls her daughter-in-law into a tight embrace. "I'm so glad you're okay, sweetheart." She manages to say, her voice dripping with emotions she can't control no matter how hard she tries.
And it is true, but then again, it isn't true ... she doesn't know what she wants anymore, other than to have her family back. If someone could guarantee her that Tara would never regain those memories, she'd do anything in her power to get their relationship back on track for the sake of being in her grandbabies' lives. But sadly, nobody could possibly make that guarantee.
And Tara on the other hand doesn't know how to react, or what to say. Gemma has always been such an enigma to her, you simply never really know what to expect from her at any given time. She could be so loving and caring if she wants to be, but then turn around mere seconds later and be the monster-in-law your nightmares are made of.
So Tara doesn't really fully embrace her the same, she is reluctant to say the least, because they haven't spoken in so long, and the last conversation they did have, was Tara betraying her and lying to her for the sake of her boys.
But Tara couldn't help but wonder if the fact that she almost died had somehow wiped the slate clean for her, and that's what this warm embrace is about, but she couldn't be entirely sure.
Gemma pulls back and wipes at her eyes, taking the napkin Lyla is holding out for her, "Thank you, sweetie." She quickly uses it to dab at her face, trying not to smear her mascara or eyeliner in the process to remain looking presentable.
Lyla and Tara exchange an awkward look, while Gemma turns away, reaching for the gift bags, and spins back around to face the two younger women once more.
"Jax called a couple days ago, and told me you guys were coming, so I got a little something for Abel and Thomas," Gemma says, trying not to sniffle again. "Just a couple books, a shirt, and some toy Harleys."
Tara reaches out and takes the two bags from her, placing them on the bar next to her, peeking inside for a second, "Thank you. I'm sure they'll love it." She tries her best to sound sincere, but truthfully she simply isn't sure what to make of this odd exchange with her estranged mother-in-law.
Gemma nods, a rueful smile on her lips, "How are they doing? The boys?"
Tara smiles awkwardly, and looks from Lyla back to Gemma for a brief moment, "They're great ... Thomas is pretty much out of diapers now, he just wears a pull-up at night, just in case. He's obsessed about anything with Superheroes right now ... And um ... Abel loves his preschool, he's made some friends there, we meet them at a park near our home sometimes on the weekends. He loves that! He's learning how to read. Actually, Jax is the one teaching him." Tara starts to share some things that come to mind, although she figures that Jax probably kept Gemma up to date on the boys and what is happening with them in their weekly phone conversations.
Gemma swallows the lump in her throat, she is missing out on so much. "That's great." She says, not really sure how else to respond without breaking down right here in front of everyone.
Lyla offers Tara another smoke, which she takes and Gemma herself lights one up as well, and with it, a moment of silence spreads among the three of them. It is barely noticeable though, since the rest of the girls and hangarounds are busy chatting it up all around them, nursing their early afternoon drinks and challenging each other for a game of pool.
Gemma's eyes flicker to Tara's hand, noticing the slightly bruised and scabbed-over cuts on her knuckles, "What happened there?" She points at the hand, knowing all too well that the evidence suggests Tara got into some kind of fight.
Tara tries her best to keep her cheeks from blushing at Gemma's observation, as she herself along with Lyla looks down at her now unbandaged battered hand. Nobody else bothered to ask, but leave it up to her nosy mother-in-law to do just that. "A whore ran into it." She quickly answers, trying to sound nonchalant about it, which she did, but she instantly regrets her choice of words, and guilt consumes her once more about her actions from the night before that caused her knuckles to split open in the first place.
There is just something about being in Charming, or around Gemma, that makes her act and talk in a way that isn't really her own. There is this sick and twisted urge she still has to emulate her, in hopes of some sort of approval or maybe just to psych herself up to be able to go head-to-head with the matriarch.
But in all honesty, Tara doesn't want to be that person anymore. She hasn't liked the person she had to become in order to survive in this life, and to handle all the shit that came with it.
"Ahhh." Gemma nods, giving her a knowing and approving look.
But Tara hates that she let it slip that some prostitute got to her, and got into her head enough to get into a brawl with her.
Just then, the door to the chapel opens, and Jax steps out just enough that Tara takes notice. "Babe?" He says loud enough for his voice to boom over the music and the noisy conversations all around them, and waives his hand, motioning for her to come on in.
The look on Tara's face could only be described as tense, when she stubs out her cigarette, excuses herself, and grabs her purse, before she quickly heads toward her husband.
Gemma looks at Lyla, her eyebrows raised, "What's going on there?"
Lyla lets her eyes flicker from Jax and Tara and back to Gemma again, before she replies, "I'm not sure, but I think it's about Juice."
Jax's eyes connect with his mother's for the briefest moment, and he leans closer to Tara before she even steps through the door, "Everything good with Gemma?" He hopes his earlier talk with his mother hasn't been a waste of time and smoothes some of that tension between the two women.
Tara nods, "So far." But gives him an unsure smile. This whole situation has her on edge. Gemma's unexpected friendliness, and now this meeting with SAMCRO.
Jax nods, relieved nonetheless, thankful that his mother hasn't started any more drama for now.
He drapes his arm around Tara's waist, his hand on her hip, pulling her further into the room. The newer members, whom she isn't familiar with, smile warmly at her as they step by her and Jax on their way out of the room, before Jax reaches out and pulls the chapel door shut behind them again.
To her surprise, everyone that's left at the table stands in an obvious show of respect.
"Come on in, and take a seat, sweetheart," says Bobby out loud as Tara meets his eyes at the head of the table, and he gestures toward one of the empty seats across from him.
Tara tries her best to smile, albeit awkwardly, but is met with genuinely warm and friendly smiles from the guys around the table in return, before Jax leads her down to the end of the table where Piney used to sit.
The clearly respectful and friendly reception doesn't diminish her worries at all, but she continues to smile back at them, simply because she doesn't know what else to do. At the moment her heart is beating so fast, she fears she might pass out if it wasn't for Jax having his arm still around her to keep her steady. She wonders if it shows just how terrified she is, as she tries her best to not have a full-fledged panic attack in front of everyone here.
Right now, at this very moment, she begins to doubt her own sanity. What the hell was she thinking when she agreed with Jax to do this in the first place? She must've been out of her goddamn mind.
Tara knows it probably makes her look weak or gives away just how fearful she really is, but she can't stop herself from looking up at Jax right beside her for reassurance.
"It's alright, Babe. Trust me." Jax whispers, his lips right up against her ear, before he nods reassuringly at her, and pulls out a chair for her to take a seat at the reaper table. He slips onto the chair right beside her at the same time as everyone around them settles back into their seats as well.
It seems odd to even be here, to say the least. To sit at this table gives her this false sense that she somehow is a part of it all, but at the same time, she feels every bit like the outsider she truly is.
Tara shrugs her purse off of her shoulder, and places it in her lap beneath the table, before she rests her hands on the table itself.
Jax lights a cigarette before he takes one of her hands in his, and gives her a reassuring squeeze. She looks over at him then, and when she connects with his sweet blue eyes, it temporarily takes some of the uneasiness she is feeling away. His earlier promise that he won't let anyone ever hurt her again echoes through her mind, and to her surprise, it stifles some of the anxiety she is feeling.
"Listen, Jax filled us all in." Bobby suddenly speaks again, getting on with the reason why they are all here. "Said he's got some concerns about Juice having an accomplice, possibly another member of this Club. And we just wanted to bring you in here, and reassure you in person, like we have reassured Jax, that without a doubt, no one sitting at this table, still wearing this patch, had anything to do with what happened to you." Bobby gestures with his hand around the room, as he speaks those words to her with unwavering conviction in his voice, and her eyes flicker down the table to meet his again.
Jax told her right after he arrived in Oregon that Bobby had been appointed the new president, so she's known it for a while now, but it is still somewhat odd to see the older, long-bearded man at the head of the table where Clay and later Jax used to sit and reign.
The guys, Jax included, begin to fill her in on everything they talked about. How they suspected the Chinese to be behind it at first, but that only turned out to be another dead end. How SAMCRO even worked alongside new Sheriff Jarry, out of sheer desperation, but still every scenario they've considered, every lead they've chased down they've come up empty-handed.
Tara fights an inner battle to not let her emotions get the best of her, to not let those tears fill her eyes as she takes in the apologetic looks of the members around the table staring back at her. She doesn't really know what she should say to any of that. For the most part, she's been aware of all their fruitless efforts, because Jax filled her in after she woke from her coma when he pressed her for anything she might remember about what happened at their home the day she'd been attacked.
She isn't entirely sure what she had truly expected to get out of this, mostly because she isn't sure if the truth would or could possibly come to light by simply asking the right questions out loud. It just seemed too simple.
But now, as she finds herself looking around the room at these mostly burly men she's known for years and years, she suddenly realizes that it is as simple as that. She believes them. Whether or not that is smart on her part is a whole other issue in itself. But right now she can practically feel the emotions still running high amongst the men around her, and that they genuinely care, not only about what happened to her, but what it has done to Jax as well. And that they are just as pissed off and regretful as Jax is, that the culprit, Juice to be exact, a former member managed to disappear into thin air, never to be heard of or seen again.
She's barely spoken since she entered the room, and once more she finds herself looking over at Jax for much-needed guidance.
Jax squeezes her hand that is still resting in his and clears his throat. He nods at his brothers in appreciation before he solemnly says what Tara simply couldn't voice herself, "We truly appreciate everything this Club has done for us since Juice tried to destroy our family. I know I've said this before, but it can't be said enough, that all of the loyalty you've shown me, us, in the aftermath of Juice's actions means the world to me."
He glances over at Tara for a long moment, before he focuses his attention back on his former brothers scattered around the table, "When we suspected the Chinese to be behind it at first, you all were cocked and ready to follow me to hell and back, down a path of destruction, to revenge my old lady. But at the same time, I'm glad all of you helped me to stay level-headed enough to realize that the Chinese weren't involved after all ... and I'm sorry that I allowed the revelation about Juice to cloud my mind enough to make me think one of you could've betrayed me along with him. I love you, guys."
Everyone stands, and one by one, Tig, Happy, Rat, Chibs, and Bobby come over to embrace Tara and Jax again in a show of solidarity.
Happy, and Rat hug Tara rather quickly, before they both turn their attention to Jax instead.
But Tig steps right up to her next, calls her 'doll', and frames her face in a gentle gesture she hasn't anticipated from him at all, before he whispers reassurances to her that honestly made it incredibly hard for her to keep it together and not break down and cry.
Next comes Bobby, who pulls her in a bear hug that nearly crushes her ribs, and also reassures her how much she means to all of them, how she is a part of this family, always would be a part of it, even now that Jax is no longer a member. He pulls back from the tight embrace and looks right at her, his eyes conveying just how serious he is about all of this, "You remember that conversation you and I shared behind Scoops, darlin'?" And Tara nods, she remembers it like it was yesterday. And Bobby nods too, "I meant every word of that." He reaches for both her hands now and gives them a reassuring squeeze.
Tara tries to ignore Jax's eyes on her now, it is obvious he wonders what Bobby is talking about. And she can't help but sniffle at that, knowing he is referring to telling her how much Jax needs her, that Jax wouldn't make it without her.
But the tears that threaten to spill are also in part out of shame she still feels about that very day. It was right after she lied about the miscarriage. She did it for the right reasons, but it still makes her feel guilt-stricken every time she thinks about it.
Chibs steps up last, but not least, and also pulls her into a hug at first, telling her how much she is loved and cherished and reassuring her that they won't give up until Juice is found and dealt with on her behalf. He proceeds to drape his arm around her shoulder, pulls her closer to his side, and turns her toward the rest of the men again, and with his thick accent, the Scotsman points his finger at each of his brothers, one by one, and reminds her and everyone else in the room, just how many times she's stitched or patched them up, himself included when she performed CPR on him after the van explosion on the Teller-Morrow lot.
At last, he points a finger at Bobby, "If it isn't for you, our president wouldn't even be here today. If you hadn't dug that slug outta him and stopped him from bleeding out. We're all in your debt, Doc, and don't you forget it." He adds and kisses her temple, as silent tears roll down Tara's face.
Someone hands her a tissue, which she uses to not just dab at her eyes, but wipes at her nose now too as she is no longer able to keep her emotions at bay. When she looks up from her tissue, Jax meets her eyes and pulls her into his side, but turns his attention to the guys in front of him, "We need to get going. I could use a hand loading up those bikes though."
"Absolutely." Happy replies and starts heading toward the door without uttering another word.
X
They all step out into the courtyard, Tara stashes the gift bags from Gemma into Jax's truck, and the guys help Jax load and strap down the bikes onto the enclosed trailer he rented for the occasion.
Lyla and Tara are quietly engrossed in conversation, sitting at the picnic tables near the Clubhouse entrance, while Gemma stands in the doorframe to her office with Chucky right beside her, but they don't speak and take it all in silently instead.
With her hip leaning against the doorframe, she lights another smoke and with rueful eyes takes in the revolting scene that unfolds right before her very eyes.
There he is, her beautiful baby boy, her only son laughing and joking around with his former brothers, while they all work hand in hand to load not just his Dyna onto the trailer, but also JT's vintage '46 Harley Knucklehead as well.
Her eyes drift over her late husband's most treasured possession and linger there for a long moment. After the attempt on Tara's life, and the unsuccessful search for who did it, Jax spent plenty of sleepless nights in the garage of his house rebuilding the bike to its former glory for the second time, after it was nearly destroyed in the Clubhouse explosion.
She has no doubt it was due in part to the lack of having his boys at home with him to keep his mind busy, along with his bed being empty and cold, night after night without Tara there either. The absence of his family in the home had crushed his spirits, so the garage is where he spent most of his nights instead.
The only sleep he found at all during those long months was when he crashed in utter exhaustion on a chair in Tara's hospital room overnight, or when he crawled into Abel's bed at Margaret Murphy's house ... Well, at least that's what she's been told, since Jax and she had barely been speaking at that time. Regret fills her once more as she thinks about that. If she'd only kept her mouth shut back then.
But still, Gemma purses her lips in disdain as she watches Chibs and Happy push the bike closer toward the trailer. He is really taking the bike along with him, and despite the ache in her heart, there is absolutely nothing she can do about it. JT left the bike to his oldest son in his will, all those years ago, so the decision is out of her hands.
Gemma watches as they begin to tighten down the straps that hold the Dyna in place, when Jax steps to the side just for a second and hastily pulls his long-sleeve shirt up and over his head, without so much as bothering to unbutton it first. The white t-shirt he's wearing beneath rides up on his lower back in the process before he reaches back and absentmindedly tucks it back down. But it's too late. She has already seen it.
Gemma's eyebrows are already raised to new heights at the realization that the reaper is still adorning her son's back and she quickly drops her cigarette to the ground and grinds the remnants of it into the gray concrete beneath her high-heeled leather boots. She smirks knowingly over at Chucky, who seems oblivious to what she just discovered. That there is still hope!
X
The bikes are finally securely tied down, and the trailer is locked up with a deadbolt as well.
So Jax and the guys step back into the Clubhouse to have a cold drink before it is time for their former president and his old lady to hit the road back to Oregon again.
Jax looks around the big front room, scanning it for Tara, but when he doesn't see her, he quickly seeks out Lyla instead, "Hey, have you seen Tara?"
Lyla looks back over her shoulder at him and nods toward the bathroom, "I think she's in the bathroom."
Seemingly content with the answer, he accepts the cold glass of iced tea the blonde holds out to him, and he quickly chucks the drink within a few seconds, before he returns the glass back to the counter of the bar.
Just then, Gemma steps up beside him and tugs on his arm to get her son's full attention, "I need to talk to you." She says with an urgent tone in her voice.
Jax nods, but before he can say anything, Gemma nods toward the hallway that leads down to the gym and the dorm room, and quickly adds, "Alone, in private."
"Okay," Jax says, and looks quizzically back at her, but falls in step beside her and follows her down the hall.
X
Tara washes her hands and examines her reflection in the mirror above the sink for a long moment. She wipes some smeared mascara away with the pad of her index finger, before she digs through her purse and pulls out the little makeup pouch she carries with her.
She quickly powders her face, and touches up her mascara and lipstick too, before she runs her hands through her hair, trying to fix it again as best as she can without the use of a comb or a brush.
The sound of someone closing the dorm room door catches her attention, and she quickly steps over to the door to slip out and let her presence be known before things get awkward. She turns the knob and is just about to pull the door to the room open all the way, but stops dead in her tracks instead when she recognizes Gemma's and Jax's voices on the other side of the door.
X
Jax closes the door and turns back around.
"What's up?" He says as his gaze follows his mother stepping further into the new, yet familiar room.
"Are you sure this is really what you want?" Gemma turns and folds her arms in front of herself as she studies the expression on her son's face just a few feet away from her.
He has no patience to play some mind games with her, and therefore her cryptic words are already beginning to annoy him. "Look, Tara and I need to get on the road, I don't have time to play guessing games. You got something to say, just get to the point, Mom."
Equally annoyed at his quick dismissal of her, she quickly steps toward him and before he knows what she is doing, she yanks his shirt up and slaps her palm flat against his back with a smacking sound, "I wanna talk about this, the reaper that's still on your back."
Jax groans in frustration and steps away from her. "Just don't." He huffs in annoyance, leans back against the desk, one of the few pieces of furniture in the room, and lowers his head, pinching the bridge of his nose for a long moment as he feels a headache coming on.
"Don't what?" Gemma replies, her voice rising already, there is fury in her eyes as she takes in her son critically, "Don't point out that you ask your brothers to take a vote to let you leave this Club to be with her? Or don't point out that it's not really what you want after all?"
At that, Jax quickly looks up and meets her icy gaze head-on, "It's not like that."
"Then why don't you tell me what it's like?" She pauses and shakes her head at him in disdain, but before he can utter a response, she is already speaking up again, "You know exactly what they'll be forced to do if they find out that you still haven't covered that up. So that tells me one of two things, son. You either aren't as happy as you'd like everyone here to believe, playing house up in Oregon with the good doctor, or you're just incredibly stupid and reckless. So which is it, Jackson?"
"Tara and I are fine. I forgot, and I got busy and just haven't gotten around to -" Jax starts to explain, but Gemma interrupts.
"Bullshit." She scoffs. "It's a reaper tattoo the size of your back, sweetheart, you don't just forget it's there." She shakes her head again, "Don't you care that you leave them no choice than to take a knife or a torch to your back if they found -"
"Enough." Jax yells, interrupting her in return, raises his arm, and points toward the door, "If it bothers you so fucking much, why don't you go and tell 'em? Go on, tell 'em and we can get it taken care of right now before I leave this goddamn shithole for good."
"Don't do that." Gemma replies, looking downright offended by his suggestion, "We both know I'd never rat on you."
Jax let out a humorless chuckle, and scoffs at her, "And we both know the only reason you wouldn't rat is because you don't want me to cover the damn thing up in the first place. That is why we're even having this conversation, isn't it, Mom?" Jax isn't stupid enough to think that his mother started this little talk out of concern for his well-being... There is always an underlying plan, a point she is trying to make, and he has a pretty good idea what it is this time.
Gemma doesn't miss a beat at that and finally gets right to the point, "You are a part of this Club, Jax. It's in your blood, and it always will be, whether that reaper is still on your back or not."
Her voice is less angry, but determined nonetheless. "You're gonna look me in the eye and honestly try telling me that you simply forgot to get that taken care of? I won't buy that for a minute."
Jax sighs heavily, "You're right, I didn't forget. It's just been a part of me for so long," he pauses, trying to find the right words to explain himself, "... it's not that easily done." He looks up with sad eyes, ashamed of his guilty admission.
Gemma steps closer to him again, and reaches out, framing his face with her manicured hands, "I know it's not easy, it isn't supposed to be easy. The fact that you couldn't bring yourself to get it covered up after everything that happened, it means something? It's a sign, sweetheart."
She smiles reassuringly back at him and lowers her hands from his face again, "It's been calm here, downright boring ... the Club is earning good money with Diosa and Red Woody. T-M is thriving with the new contract with Hale. You made all of those things happen, baby, and it's just a damn shame that you don't get to benefit from any of it. This is your home. The reaper is still on your back and I have no doubt that Bobby would gladly hand the gavel right back to you if you'd only ask to be let back in." She knows all too well how to play his weaknesses against him.
"Mom." Jax pleads with her, "I can't."
"Why not, Jax? Can't you at least try to talk to Tara? She's smart, surely she can see that it's not like it used to be here anymore. It's different now that the Club is out of guns. Safer." Gemma says with newfound hope in her voice for the first time in a long time, "You accomplished everything you set out to do. Even kept the peace in Stockton and Oakland ... Don't you see how close you are to having it all? Your family and your Club?"
Jax steps away from her and shakes his head, "I can't do that to her? She's been through enough ... too much has happened."
"But she came through, ... because of you, and because of this Club. The health insurance that paid for those fancy doctors and those precious machines that were keeping her alive, you paid that with money earned through this Club. Everything you did for her, you were able to do because of this Club, not in spite of it, sweetheart. This Club is what kept her alive and brought her back to you." Gemma says with conviction in her voice, hoping she could get through to her son. Her heart beating wildly in her chest at the mere thought of getting everything back that she has lost.
"This Club is also what almost killed her ... after I promised her time and again that we'd leave here, but it was too late." He looks up then and meets his mother's eyes, "This isn't what she wants. Not for herself, and not for the boys."
"And what about what you want?" Gemma asks incredulously.
"I want her," Jax says without missing a beat. "If I have to choose between the Club and the woman that I love, I'm choosing her. I won't make the same mistake again." He answers her solemnly, despite the obvious irritation he could see beginning to show on her face once more.
"But -" Gemma tries to interject, but Jax cut her off before she could utter another word when he raises his voice in anger once more, "I'm so fucking sick and tired of having the same argument. I've made a choice and I'm sticking to it. I decided to leave, and I'm leaving. End of discussion!"
"Jesus Christ." Gemma curses under her breath, as she realizes once more that she is in a losing battle after all, she shakes her head, "What the hell is it about her that has you all twisted up inside? Makes you lose all common sense? I just don't get it."
She pauses for a moment, before she looks back up at her son, and speaks with sarcasm and anger in her voice once more. After all, she really has nothing left to lose at this point, Tara has taken everything from her. "I mean, is she really that good? Is that why ATF followed her back here from Chicago, 'cause she's got some magical tricks up her pussy?"
"Watch it," Jax interjects and shoots his mother a look that conveys the anger brewing in his own eyes now at that remark. "I think we're done here."
"Jax!" Gemma pleads with him, but the look in Jax's eyes has turned stone-cold within a split second, and she realizes she has clearly taken it too far.
"Don't say another fuckin' word, Mom, or I'll promise you, you'll regret it," Jax says, his voice is heavy and grim as he throws daggers at her with his eyes, conveying just how furious he is about the way she disrespects his wife. "Just go."
Gemma swallows the sudden lump in her throat, and nods when she sees the look in his eyes. She knows she pushed Jax too far this time, and follows his advice and struts out the door without looking back or uttering another word.
Jax angrily slams the door shut after his mother leaves the room and sits down on the sofa, which sits in the same spot where his old bed used to be.
He sighs, lets his head drop back, and closes his eyes, trying to lose some of that tension he still feels after this confrontation with the woman who raised him.
But then his head snaps up in obvious surprise when he hears the bathroom door to his left creak as it opens, and none other than Tara herself appears in the doorframe.
His face falls in utter defeat at the sight of her, but he remains seated while he stares back at her from across the room.
"Sorry," Tara says and smiles ruefully. "The other bathroom was occupied, so I came in here." She tries to explain.
A beat or two passes before he decides to ask the obvious, "Guess you heard all that?"
"Most of it," Tara admits, before she steps further into the room, and slowly settles onto the couch right beside him. She couldn't help herself from pursing her lips in slight amusement, "Definitely heard the bit about my magical pussy."
Jax scoffs, and shakes his head, "I'm sorry, Babe."
She could hear the sorrow and heaviness in his voice, and she simply couldn't help herself from moving closer to him, and resting her head against his shoulder. "It's not your fault, Jax. You don't have to apologize for her."
"It feels like I should though." He quickly replies honestly.
Tara reaches up then, her palm on his cheek to get him to look over at her, "Is she right thought ... about the tattoo? Is that why you still have it, because you're not sure?" That still lingering fear has reared its ugly head again, and bubbled back up to stare her right in the face when she overheard the discussion between Gemma and him. Here we go ... one step forward, three steps back!
"Babe." Jax reaches for her now, snaking his arm around her and his eyes bore into hers, "I'm sure of what I want. You and me and our boys, that's what I want."
"But?" Tara supplies for him to finish his thought, because she can't help but feel he's leaving something out.
Jax swallows hard, and a slight frown graces his unshaven face, "But I just need you to give me a minute to let go of the past, and to let go of the reaper."
Tara nods, but she can't shake Gemma's words or if there is any truth behind them, "So what Gemma said -"
"Forget what Gemma said." Jax cuts her off before she can finish that thought. "My Mom has a tendency to set fires where there's nothing to burn. She's not in my head. Me still having the tat doesn't mean what she thinks it means, I promise." He stares at her until Tara finally nods that she understands, but even then, Jax can still see that lingering doubt seems to have resurfaced in her eyes. "Everything I've been saying and promising you is the goddamn truth, Babe. Nothing's changed, I know what I want, so please don't let my Mom stir shit up again between us, and derail where this thing with us is heading."
She lets those words sink in for a long moment as she holds his penetrating gaze, and to Jax's relief she finally nods and says, "Nothing's been derailed." She smiles slightly at her own words.
And Jax smiles right back at her, his hand curls around her neck, and pulls her closer to him before his lips crush against hers in a much-needed kiss, to reassure him that Gemma's words haven't left any lingering damage in the progress they have made.
Any doubt vanishes when Tara kisses him back with such force that all his blood seemingly rushes south in the blink of an eye, as if the two places are connected by just one nerve, mouth straight to dick.
It doesn't help when she wraps her arms around him and fists her hands in his long hair to hold him even closer, while the kiss continues to grow even more passionately.
Jax's hands travel down to the curve of her hips, he grunts against her mouth when he hoists her up and pulls her into his lap to straddle him instead.
The kiss intensifies even more when Jax pulls her further against himself at the same moment he begins to grind up against her, causing Tara to moan at the sensation that begins to spread through her.
But then she pulls away from him, and nervously brushes her hair back that has fallen into her face before she braces a hand against Jax's chest, and meets his longing eyes, "The kissing, is one thing. But I don't know if we should be doing this, Jax ... it just makes it harder." She says in all seriousness.
But Jax's face instantly cracks into a big amused smile at her choice of words and he can't help but chuckle before he replies, "It does make things very hard." He bucks his erection up against her for good measure, acting every bit like a teenager half his age.
Tara can't help but smirk herself at his obvious pun, then his hands leave her hips and frame her face instead, before he leans in to kiss her once more. But right before his lips brush against hers, he stops and says, "Don't overthink it, Babe." He playfully kisses the tip of her nose and pulls back again to look into her eyes, before a mischievous grin spreads across his face, "It's just foreplay."
X
Author's Note: I hope nobody seems too OOC, and you all enjoy it. Please leave me a few words and let me know what you all think. Thank you.