Tara is standing in front of her mother's grave for a long silent minute, while Jax stands nearby, equally as tongue-tied as she was. She steps forward then, kneels down, and brushes some leaves and dirt off the headstone, before she places the flowers she brought for her on the ground in front of it. She whispers an almost inaudible "I love you, Mom," before she quickly stands again, swiping some loose dirt off of her knees.

They've already stopped by the graves of everyone else that matters to them, and Tara's mom's grave was the last one they wanted to visit.

Tara steps back beside Jax and reaches for his hand, intertwining her fingers with his, before she looks back up at him, and with just a look and a silent nod, they both turn and begin walking back toward the gravel road where Jax's truck was parked.

The drive back to Medford is long, and traffic is grueling, but unlike the gloomy drive down to Charming, the heavy weight's been lifted off their shoulders and so they talk and laugh out loud for hours as they reminisce about their childhood, and sing along to songs from their past on the radio. But regardless of how much fun they're having, and how all their troubles are temporarily forgotten, both are relieved to be back home again soon.

So now Jax slowly backs his truck onto the fenced-in lot behind Baker's Automotives, before he climbs out to unhook the trailer to leave there overnight.

In the meantime, Tara is on the phone with Christy, who is reassuring her for the hundredth time today, that it would be perfectly fine if the boys spend one more night over there. After all, it is already late, the boys have been fast asleep for hours, and there is simply no use in dragging their little butts out of bed in the middle of the night for no good reason.

Tara ends the conversation and hangs up the phone, just as Jax climbs back into the truck and pulls out of the lot. He quickly puts the truck in park once more, gets back out, closes, and locks the gate behind him, before he climbs back into the cab and finally pulls his truck onto the street again.

"So?" He asks with a quick glance over at her before he turns his attention back to the road ahead of him. "Am I headin' straight home, or are we picking the boys up first?"

"Straight home," Tara answers solemnly, and turns her head the other way, appearing to look at something outside the passenger side window, but she is really just trying to avoid the flirtatious look he undoubtedly is giving her right now.

Her skin begins to tingle every time she lets her mind wander back to their make-out sessions earlier today, and Jax made it known repeatedly that he feels the same way too. It shows in the way he's looked at her throughout the day, with that mischievous, yet heart-melting twinkle in his baby-blue eyes, and that never-ending smile on his face. The way he touches her every chance he gets, his arm around her shoulder, or draped around her waist as they walk, always reaching over, to take her hand in his in the truck, along the way.

And then of course the kisses he's giving her at every opportunity. He leaned over and kissed her before he got out to pump some gas, and then again when they stopped to get a bite to eat. He is acting every bit the part of someone madly in love, and truth be told, so is she. But now that they are heading home alone, it makes her nervous and makes her heart beat out of her chest all over again.

So if she is being honest with herself, she is just a tad bit terrified about what would or could happen, now that they'll find themselves alone, with no kids, no SAMCRO, and no Gemma to interrupt them.

She predicted that if she gives in a little, he'll end up expecting much more, and now she fears she's been right about that and that she'll have no choice but to tell him all over again to let him know, that despite what he called foreplay earlier, she simply isn't ready yet to take that next step.

Jax pulls the truck into an empty parking spot across the street from their apartment, and they both climb out at the same time. He carries their overnight bag up to the door, with his arm draped around Tara, while she unlocks the door in silence.

The silence continues when they finally step into the apartment.

Both of them are tired, not just from the long drive home, but the stressful past week in general, so considering it is already pretty late, they get ready to settle down for the night. After a quick awkward, yet flirtatious talk back and forth, it is decided that Tara can have the bathroom to shower first, and Jax would wait his turn.

X

Tara sits on her bed, looking at her reflection in the mirror as she carefully combes the tangles out of her still damp hair, when there is an almost inaudible knock on her bedroom door.

"Come in." She says, clutching the comb in her hand as she turns her head in the direction of the door that opens, and her heart begins to pick up the pace again at the sight of him.

"What's up?" She manages to ask, as Jax stands in the doorway, wearing nothing but a pair of black boxer briefs, and a towel draped around his neck. His hair looks adorably disheveled and is still dripping wet, and if the look on his face is any indication, he knows exactly what he is doing to her showing up looking like that ... but so does she.

He lets his eyes wander around the room for a split second, then looks her up and down, before his eyes finally land on her face and meet her eyes in return, "What time are we picking up the boys? Do I need to set an alarm?"

Tara puts the comb down and swipes her hand over her face as she tries to focus on what he said, "Um ... no, she said she'll call when they're up, you know, play it by ear. But knowing our sons, it'll probably be pretty early."

"Alright." He nods, but doesn't move to leave. "You're turning in then?" He asks, eyeing her curiously, but with a hint of a smirk tugging at the corners of his lips.

"Yeah." Tara nods, and bashfully tucks her gray robe close around her under the scrutinizing look he is giving her, which honestly is such a useless thing to do, since he's seen her wearing a whole lot less than she is wearing now, the night before. "You?" She asks in return.

"Yeah." He replies, but then a smirk appears on his face as he playfully taps his fingers against the wooden door frame for a few seconds, "Wanna fool around for a bit?"

Tara tries to look surprised, but honestly, she isn't. "Jax." She says, pleadingly, but when she sees him step further into the room toward her, she quickly gets up and steps toward him before he can even make it to her bed. She raises her hands up to signal him to stop. "Wait."

But Jax reaches out and grabs her by her waist, tugging her closer to him, "Is that a no?" His eyes still sparkle mischievously, but his voice doesn't sound quite as playful anymore.

"I'm sorry ... I can't," Tara says, both her hands flat against his bare chest, as if they could ever be enough of an adequate barrier between them. "I really don't think we should."

But now that Jax is so close, he can see the way her breathing quickens, the way her eyebrows drew together in worry, along with the slight look of panic in her eyes when he dared to step toward her.

And it dawns on him that she isn't just flustered like he first thought, but now he realizes she is scared, and it breaks his heart to know that he makes her feel this way. But in general, for the most part, today's been a good day and he truly doesn't want to end it now on a sour note.

"Look, Babe, you don't have to be scared of me ... not ever." The look on his face grows serious, "You know I'd never do anything you don't want me to do ... force you into something you don't wanna do."

"I know." Tara nods at that, but lowers her gaze, avoiding his eyes for a moment. "It's just not quite that simple." She adds, her voice wavering when she speaks.

Jax draws his eyebrows together now, and gives her a confused look, his hands leaving her waist and framing her face instead, forcing her to look back up at him, "What do you mean by that?"

Tara sighs at that while she lets his reassuring words from moments ago sink in for a moment, "It means, I do want you ... so much, Jax. And it means that I miss being with you ... but I'm trying really hard here to listen to the parts of my brain that still work."

She slightly shakes her head at him, her eyes looking up at him worried once more, "I'm scared, because we always tend to fall back into the same patterns, same routine. And right now my brain's practically still screaming at me to not be this stupid again, and to get off ... or rather stay off this merry-go-round of heartbreak. I just feel that us fooling around like that makes it look to you like there's a blurred line, when in my head it's a definite solid line instead."

"First of all, darlin', I happen to be a very patient man, and I'll wait however long it takes for your brain to stop screaming at you." He says, and smiles broadly at her, trying his best to ease some of those vertical worry lines that appear between her eyebrows whenever she is thinking way too hard.

"And second, all you gotta do is speak up, Babe. If you don't want me grabbing your ass, or slipping my hand under your shirt ... or any of that stuff, all you gotta do is say 'no' or 'stop' or 'don't do that'. There's nothing blurry about any of those words. And third, if that smart mouth of yours is any indication, it seems to me all the parts of your brain are working just fine. "

She can't help herself from smiling just a little at what he said, and folds her arms in front of herself. His hands drop back down to her waist, and with her arms folded she has to arch her back a little because he is still trying to hold her too close.

"First of all, darlin'." She mimics his words, and raises her eyebrows at him in amusement, "You are not a patient man, as a matter of fact, you are probably the most impatient man I've ever met. Second, ..." She pauses for a moment, trying to figure out the best way to word it. "I'm worried I might get caught up in the moment, and then end up regretting what happened afterward. And third, we'll see on Wednesday just how well my brain is still working."

He matches her smile with his own, but at the last of her words the smile suddenly disappears from his face altogether, "Wait ... what's on Wednesday?"

Tara angles her head to the side just a fraction of an inch and looks up at him, "I'm having a PET scan on Monday morning, and hopefully my doctor can squeeze me in on my lunch break on Wednesday to go over the results." She can see the worry in his eyes, so she quickly adds, "It's just a routine check-up, after the kind of injury I've sustained."

"I'll be there on Wednesday, just let me know what time, alright?" He replies and nods reassuringly back at her, the previous topic of conversation suddenly all but forgotten.

"It's really nothing." Tara tries to brush it off, "You really don't have to come with me."

"I'll be there," Jax says, without missing a beat. "I've already missed most of your check-ups, I ain't missing any more if I can help it."

"Okay." Tara nods and manages to muster a friendly smile. "It's getting late. We should probably get some sleep."

"Probably." Jax nods in agreement, but still doesn't move to leave. "Is it alright if I kiss you?"

At that Tara actually smiles, before she nods when she looks back up at him, "Yeah, that would be alright."

That is all she has to say before Jax's hands curl around her neck to hold her in place when he bends down to claim her lips with his. Tara's arms snake up his chest and wrap around his neck, holding him in place just the same, when the kiss quickly turns more intense and passionate. A few minutes later, Jax reluctantly pulls back from the kiss, but stands still and leans his forehead against hers.

His voice sounds raspy with need, but his arms drop down to his sides when he reluctantly lets go of her again, "Sweet dreams, Babe." He leans in and kisses her forehead sweetly before their eyes meet one last time.

Tara lets her arms drop down as well, and fights the urge to pull him back against her again. "Goodnight."

Jax takes her hand as he begins to head for the door, and Tara follows along with him. He steps out of the room, and just when Tara is about to shut the door, he turns back around and smirks right at her, "Hey, and don't be alarmed if you hear any weird noises out here, it's just gonna be me and my hand."

"Nice, Teller, real nice." Tara smirks in return and rolls her eyes at him exaggeratedly, "Thank you very much for putting that image in my head." And folds her arms once more.

He laughs. "You're very welcome." He quickly leans back in and gives her a peck on the lips, before he pulls back and winks at her as he says, grinning ear to ear now, "Hey, it's only fair, since there'll be nothing but images of you in my head."

"Oh lucky me." She replies sarcastically, and proceeds to shut the door in his amused face before this conversation goes any further.

"Don't be stupid." She mumbles under her breath to herself before she shrugs out of her gray robe, tosses it over the footboard of her bed, and quietly climbs beneath the covers. Cursing him in her head as she struggles to find the rest she so desperately needs.

X

A bloodcurdling scream from Tara's bedroom wakes Jax up with a start. It only takes him a split second to realize he isn't dreaming, so he jumps to his feet and bolts into her room, with his heart beating out of his chest at the thought of what he might find.

To his relief though, what he finds isn't someone attacking her, but rather Tara trashing, and moaning in obvious distress, but freakishly enough, her eyes are wide open. And even though he flicks on the lights, it doesn't bring her out of it, and she literally seems to look right through him, like he isn't right there in front of her at all.

"Tara." He quickly leans over her and reaches out, grabbing her rather roughly by her shoulders, trying to shake her awake, "Jesus Christ, Babe, wake up. You're having a nightmare."

But Tara cries out once more the moment he touches her, and now struggles even more against him, her hands balled into little fists as she strikes out erratically around her.

"Wake up, Babe. It's just me." Jax wraps his arms around her then and pulls her roughly against his chest. "It's just a dream, sweetheart. It's just a dream." One hand is spread around the back of her head, pressing her cheek against his shoulder, trying to get her to calm down. "Wake up, baby. Wake up."

She still struggles for another long moment while he continues to talk to her, but it seems like much longer to him. When she finally seems to relax against his chest, he dares to pull back and looks down at her. "Hey." He tips her chin up to get her to look up at him.

Tara blinks and looks utterly dazed and confused, she shakes her head as her eyes drift from Jax's face around the room, "What happened?" She asks, not understanding how she came to be in his arms.

"You were dreaming, Babe." Jax tries to explain, his face etched with concern, his right hand reaches up and brushes her tousled hair out of her face for her. "You had a nightmare. You were screaming, woke me up … and scared the fucking shit out of me."

Tara swallows the lump in her throat, and gently braces her hands against his chest, trying to pull away from him, "I'm sorry." Still not really understanding what happened, but tries to sound like she does, "I'm okay though. You can let go." She looks up at him and meets his worried look, "Really, baby, I'm fine."

"Well, I'm not." Jax quips back and pulls her back into his arms when he lets out the breath he's been holding, his heart still pounding wildly in his chest. "Jesus Christ, Babe. I thought Juice or ... someone got in here somehow."

She doesn't really know what to say to that, and just rests her head against his shoulder, allowing him to hold her for a little bit longer, until both their heartbeats begin to slow down again, and the contents of her nightmare begin to come back to her too.

Finally, Jax pulls back a little and looks down at her again, "Want me to get you some water or something?"

Tara sighs, smiling gratefully but shakes her head, "No, thanks, I'm really fine."

Jax runs his hand slowly up and down her back, trying to soothe her some more, she still looks way too stressed out for his liking, "Wanna talk about it?"

"No. It's really nothing new." She shakes her head at herself in frustration, averting her eyes from his when she lowers her head.

But Jax won't let up. "Well, I'm still kinda new 'round here, Babe, so why don't you fill me in?"

Tara hesitates for a moment, still not daring to look up at him when she finally speaks, almost mumbling the words so that Jax can barely make them out, "I'm just dreaming about that day, it's sort of the same nightmare over and over again."

"You're dreaming of Juice attacking you?" Jax feels the need to clarify that he heard her right.

But to his surprise, Tara shakes her head at him, "It's not always Juice. I've pretty much had the same dream …" but she suddenly stops, shaking her head when she adds, "Never mind."

But Jax got the meaning without her finishing the sentence, and tips her chin back up to force her to meet his eyes now, before he tentatively asks, "Including me?"

"Don't worry about it, Jax." Tara tries to change the subject, shaking her head along with her words.

But Jax won't let up, holding her chin to keep her eyes on him when he demands, "Tell me, Tara."

"Yeah, sometimes" Tara gives in and nods, trying to sound casual, but she can see the hurt flashing through his eyes for a second at her answer anyway.

"Was it me tonight?" Jax tries not to grit his teeth at the thought, but now he can't help but wonder if he's pushed her just a little bit too much these last couple of days to have caused this. He suddenly remembers Abel mentioning her having nightmares, but this is the first time since he's moved in that he's heard her cry out in her sleep.

"No, it wasn't you." Tara quickly reassures him, and vehemently shakes her head, before she reaches up to palm his cheek, "It's really nothing, I swear. My therapist said it's normal after trauma ... these dreams are just my brain trying to fill in the blanks."

Jax sighs, and swipes a hand down his face, cursing under his breath. "Jesus Christ." He can leave SAMCRO, find a job, move in here, be a good father, and a faithful husband, but even after all that, there is still so much shit he can't fix no matter what he does.

He couldn't make her trust him, couldn't convince her to let him back in ... and now, after what he just witnessed it all makes a whole lot more sense, because even though she looks perfectly like her old beautiful self on the outside, the inside of her head is a whole other story.

She is not alright. Not by a long shot.

He knows he probably shouldn't ask the question, but he simply can't stop himself from knowing the whole ugly truth. Like this masochistic part of him wants to suffer through this alongside her. "Who was it this time?"

Tara hesitates again, swallowing the lump in her throat, but she knows Jax won't let up until she answers, so she does, "Gemma." She says, and averts her eyes again, still feeling ashamed for having falsely accused her mother-in-law during the whole fake miscarriage debacle, and this admission just brings all those ugly feelings right back up.

At that Jax simply pulls her back into his arms, running his hand soothingly down her back again trying to console her. "I'm sorry ... I'm so so sorry." He smoothers his other hand down her hair, and kisses her temple before he whispers, guilt-stricken, "I wish I fucking knew how to make all this go away. How to fix it."

"I know. Me too." Tara mumbles in agreement against the crook of his neck. They sit like that for a few moments longer, before Tara finally looks up at him, "I think I'm gonna try to go back to sleep."

"Okay," Jax says, reluctantly releasing her from his embrace before he stands.

He tucks her in, pulling the blanket up to her chest as if she were a child, and despite everything, Tara smiles at the sweet gesture.

"Goodnight, Babe," Jax says, and leans down to sweetly kiss her on her forehead.

"G'night," Tara replies, and reaches up just as he is pulling away and pulls his face back down to hers, placing a soft kiss against his lips instead.

X

Jax tosses and turns on the couch, again unable to find the rest he so desperately needs.

He finally gives in and reaches for his phone on the end table beside the couch, using Google to ease his worries, but everything he reads online about trauma, nightmares, or night-terrors, and the like, only seems to feed his concern more.

Aggravated, he tosses the phone back onto the table, and closes his eyes, willing himself to stop thinking about it all, when Tara's bedroom door slowly opens with a creak.

Jax's head snaps up and looks over to see her step into the living room. He is just about to speak, when she beats him to it.

"I can't sleep." Her voice is heavy with emotions, and even though he can't really see in the darkness of the room, he'd bet his last dollar she's been crying. "I know it sounds weird, but I usually pull the boys in bed with me after a nightmare." She cautiously confesses.

"Come here, Babe." Jax props himself up on his elbow and reaches his other hand out to her. Without another word being exchanged she simply steps toward him, takes his hand, and lets him pull her onto the couch and under his blanket right beside him.

Jax savors the moment, breathing in the scent of her hair, with her face nuzzling in the crook of his neck and her body so comfortably draping across his. Legs tangle with each other, one of his hands pressed against her back and holding her tight, one of her hands flat against his chest while she nestles into his side. Their bodies mold together so effortlessly as if no time had passed.

He waits until her breathing evens out, and he knows without a doubt she's finally fallen asleep in his arms, before he closes his eyes too, and eventually drifts off to sleep himself. And despite the messed up circumstances that led to this moment, he thought himself lucky to have her lying beside him for the second night in a row. After all, falling asleep in each other's arms is what he wants to happen for the rest of their lives.

X

Author's Note: I hope you liked it and will leave me a few words. Thank you.