A faint ringing echoes through the apartment, and Jax blindly pats the side table behind him with his free hand for his phone, until he realizes it isn't his that is making the unpleasant noise.
"Babe." He nudges Tara's forehead with his nose, who is still curled into his side. "It's you. Probably Christy." He mumbles groggily.
"Probably." Tara groans while she slowly sits up, then stands, and rather sleepily stumbles toward her bedroom to answer the call, while Jax watches after her retrieving form.
Jax sighs as he sits up, and swipes both hands down his face, rubbing the sleep from his eyes, before he pushes his hands through his disheveled hair. He could hear Tara on the phone, and from the few words he caught, it was indeed Christy who was calling.
He stands, and rifles through the overnight bag they hadn't bothered to unpack the night before, and pulls out a clean pair of underwear, before he shuffles almost listlessly past Tara's bedroom into the bathroom. He pees, and washes his hands before he splashes some water onto his face to fully wake himself up. He then pulls off his gray sweats, and black briefs, and discards them into the hamper before he quickly steps into the clean pair of briefs instead.
On his way back to the living room, he stops in Tara's doorway for a moment, and when she looks up at him, he makes a motion with his fingers to his lips, to signal he is going to have a smoke, to which Tara simply nods her head before she returns her attention back toward the phone conversation she was having.
Jax gets dressed in under a minute, reaches for his keys, and his cigarettes on the table, and then is already out the door.
Instead of heading downstairs though, he heads for the smoking spot Tara showed him, which the majority of the residents here used. So he takes the staircase up, hurriedly steps down the hallway that's been under construction since before he got here, and steps through the door that leads outside to the patio area.
It isn't anything fancy, but it has some lawn chairs to sit in, a table, and an ashtray, and most of the concrete floor is covered in a green outdoor carpet with some potted plants scattered here and there, that one of the residents attends to. It is supposed to give the illusion of grass and make it seem more inviting, like a small garden of some sort than just a slap of cold gray concrete.
Jax sits, shielding his lighter from the wind with his hand when he lights his cigarette. He inhales the fumes, throws the lighter on the table next to his pack of cigarettes, and leans back in his chair, as he takes in the view, even though there isn't much to see.
He sits in silence, and tries to enjoy the nicotine hitting his system, but pretty much the moment that phone call woke him up, his mind went back to last night, and everything that is going on with Tara. And he realizes now just how fucking wrong he's been to think that everything would be fine, and would work itself out, if he could only get her to forgive him.
The truth is, that whatever Juice did to her, caused way more damage than he realized. The bodily harm she suffered was just the tip of the fucking iceberg, this shit runs way deeper, and once more he finds himself at a loss for how to fix it.
And if he is completely honest with himself, deep down he knows he couldn't blame it all on Juice either, because God knows that woman's been put through the wringer over the past couple of years. Long before Juice ever decided to go after her.
There are moments when Jax almost wished Lowen hadn't fucking shared Tara's horror notes with him, because it still guts him every time he thinks about what she wrote. It wasn't so much what she describes in those notes, because for the most part, he is aware of everything that happened, what guts him was reading in her own words just how terrified and haunted she was during those times.
Another thing that crushed him was seeing it in her own handwriting, and seeing how shaky it was, and every time he read over her words, he wondered if it was because her hand wasn't all the way healed just yet, or if it was because she was terrified in the moments when she was writing those words. Locked up in county while he was busy screwing Colette behind her back. Even if Tara could find it in her heart to ever forgive him for that, he wasn't sure he could ever forgive himself for the things he did to her.
He also ponders over the fact that to his knowledge she's had no nightmares since he first got here, but now, after their little trip back to Charming, the nightmares suddenly reappeared with a vengeance. Surely that wasn't a coincidence.
But then again, over the last few days, he's also pushed her more. Some might even say he took advantage of her moment of weakness when she kissed him, and he then took that kiss of hers to the next level. So who's to say it was Charming, Gemma, or the Club that brought all those demons back up last night ... it could very well have been him who's simply taken it too far too fast. The truth is, there really wasn't a line she's drawn he hasn't crossed yet, ... well, with the exception of that pivotal one!
On the upside, it's been so fucking nice to fall asleep with her in his arms. But at what cost?
The heavy metal door creaks when Tara steps sideways out onto the patio with two steaming mugs in her hands, using her hip, and ass to push the door open enough to step through. "Hey."
"Hey." Jax looks up as he replies, and smiles at the sight of her.
It never ceases to amaze him just how beautiful she looks, even without a drop of makeup on, like she does right now. He quickly stubs out the remainder of his smoke, gets up out of his chair, and reaches for the cup of coffee she is holding out to him.
"Thanks, Babe." He puts the cup down on the table, and pulls the other chair out for her to take a seat right beside him.
"You're welcome." Tara answers, and settles into the chair, pulling her legs up onto the seat to get comfortable.
"It's cold out today." She says as she pulls up the neckline of her oversized sweater, that slipped down her shoulder, then clutches the mug with both hands before she raises it to her lips, and takes a small sip.
"Yeah. I think the wind up here is making it worse." He nods as he looks over at her, and ideas of how he could warm her up begin to pop into his head, but he knows there is no time for any of that. And besides, he needs to stop pushing her. "So is it time to go get our little monsters?" Jax shoots her a smirk, before he too takes a sip of his steaming beverage.
"Yes, they're up. Christy's making them breakfast right now." Tara answers, but then looks over at him cautiously, "But actually, I was thinking, would you be okay if we invited Christy and Jason over?"
Jax raises his eyebrows in surprise. "Today?"
"Yeah." Tara nods, "They've been so great watching the kids for us this weekend. I thought we could go get some take-out later, maybe play some cards ... you know. And honestly, we've all been so busy, I can't remember the last time I've spent any time with them outside of work."
"Sure, if that's what you want." He answers in agreement, even though he really doesn't feel like having company today. He actually looked forward to the fact that it would be just them, and their boys.
He fishes a cigarette out of his pack of smokes, and holds the pack up to Tara, who pulls one out as well. Tara leans in, and he lights hers first, then lights his, before they continue their conversation.
Tara could see the reluctance in his eyes when he answered her, but after the last couple of days, she really needs some time to talk out her feelings about him with someone other than him. For the most part, Christy is a great listener, she is supportive, and most importantly, she never holds back from calling her out on her bullshit. She needs some of that clarity today, because everything is just getting to her. Jax is getting to her.
Ever since she's been stupid enough to kiss him, she's craved his lips on hers, his arms around her, his touch, even more than she did before, and it terrifies her so much. She's like an addict, and he is the drug she isn't supposed to indulge in. Which was much easier said than done, if she wasn't around him twenty-four-seven.
So even though he already agreed, she continues to further sell him on the idea, "Jason could help you unload the bikes, and you could actually return the trailer today, instead of wasting your lunch break tomorrow to do it."
Jax exhales, and nods, but stares off into the distance instead of meeting her eyes, "Alright."
She can tell he isn't thrilled, but they have practically sat on each other since they left for Charming early Friday morning, she needs to get some time away, even if just for one hour to get Christy to put her head on straight again.
Tara takes a long drag, and slowly exhales, as she tries to bring up another thing she's been thinking about since her conversation with Christy a few minutes ago. "So Christy's neighbors down the street died on Friday. Some drunk driver plowed through the intersection, and they both died at the scene."
"Shit," Jax says, and actually looks over at her now. "Were they close?"
Tara shakes her head, "No, not really. But they had two little ones, a boy and a girl, and some family members from out of town are gonna take them in now, or at least that's what Christy heard from another neighbor. And ... I guess it just made me think again, about what would happen to the boys if something happened to us."
At that, Jax shoots her a look she couldn't quite decipher, before he looks away, and takes another drag from his cigarette. "I've got papers on file with Lowen. If anything happens to both of us, Margaret and her husband would get the boys."
Tara shakes her head, "I don't think those papers are valid anymore, since I was in a coma at the time, and you were acting as my proxy, but now that I'm awake, I'd have to sign off on that. So technically, the boys would be up for grabs if something would happen before we get all of that straightened out."
He looks over at her then, "Then let's get Lowen to write something up again, and we both sign it. Should be easy enough."
"But maybe Margaret isn't the right person anymore." Tara suddenly admits out loud.
Jax's eyes meet hers, his eyebrows raised to new heights, and he tries to read the expression on her face, "Are you serious?"
Tara shakes her head, "Sorry, that came out wrong. I love Margaret, and the boys love her, but we both know if both of us are out of the picture, Gemma would never let her raise those boys in peace. The only reason she stayed away last time was because you made sure that she would."
Jax sighs in obvious frustration, not liking at all where this conversation is headed. He doesn't want to fight, especially not about Gemma. There is simply too much other shit he is currently worried about. "You really wanna do this now, Babe?"
"We have to talk about this." Tara says with equal frustration, and leans forward hastily to stub her cigarette out in the ashtray, before clutching her mug with two hands again, "We can't just keep hoping for the best, it doesn't work like that when you have kids, Jax. Even if we both think that we're gonna live to be a hundred, we still have to prepare for what could happen."
"I know." Jax says, and swipes a hand down his face, and sighs, "I think this time we can both agree that Wendy isn't the right person for the job either."
"Agreed." Tara nods. "That was my mistake."
Jax thinks about it for a long moment, then says, "What if we still make Margaret their guardian, but allow Gemma visitation, so she'll at least get to see them. Put it all down in writing, have it filed with the court."
He looks up at Tara, and sees the disbelieving look in her eyes, "I know that shit with you and her still runs deep, but despite everything she's said and done, you know that she loves those boys with everything she's got."
Jax knows he is treading on thin ice with this conversation, but when his mind goes back to how Gemma broke down and cried in his arms just yesterday, he knows he has to bring it up. "If both you and I are gone for good, don't they have a right to at least grow up knowing their only living grandparent?"
Tara couldn't believe her ears, but in hindsight, she should've seen this coming. Gemma is a master manipulator, so there was no doubt she'd weasel her way back into their lives sooner or later. But her feelings about her mother-in-law haven't changed one bit, and she knows that she doesn't want Gemma to have any part in her babies' lives.
But she also knows she needs to get Jax to see it the same way, "I know she loves them, just like she loves you, but she clearly doesn't love them enough to leave Charming, or leave the Club, and the life. And let's not forget that she basically wants me to just disappear, so she could raise my babies to become part of SAMCRO, like she did with you. She would use every minute she gets to spend with them grooming them to prospect, and eventually patch in, and you know that."
Jax remains quiet, because he knows Tara is right.
But Tara mistakes Jax's silence as a sign that he disagrees, so she quickly adds, "Let's not forget that she almost killed them, driving drunk, and high. And I get that she didn't want to miss out on time with them, I get all of that, Jax, but there are a million different ways she could've handled that situation. She could've had Lyla, or even one of the other girls, or one of the prospects drop the boys off at her house, instead of getting behind the wheel herself in the state she was in."
Tara shakes her head in disbelief. "And I thought you agreed with me, when we stood there watching them fix Abel's heart because of what she did? If it hadn't been for you needing her help to get to Clay, we wouldn't even be having this conversation."
"I know." Jax replies, running his hands down his face before he adds, "I know you're right, Babe ... about everything. I just think she's so lost ... she could've left Charming, and been with Nero in Norco, but instead, she's just struggling. She's a mess. And even after everything that happened, she's still my Mom, and I hate to see her like this." He answers truthfully.
The fact that Gemma managed to make him doubt his decision to still keep her from their boys for even a second, brings all that pent-up anger she's held onto since the day she was arrested right back to the surface. "And I am their Mom, Jackson, and I just can't have her back in their lives. Not after everything that happened, after she almost killed Abel, or the way she treated me, and threatened me. I swear, baby, you don't even know the half of it." She gives Jax a look that reflects just how serious she is about all of this.
"And why is that?" Jax raises his voice slightly, catching her off guard, and looks frustrated all over again. The last thing he wants to do right now is argue with her, but he needs to say this, "You do realize that most of the shit between you and her could've been avoided or resolved, if you just came to me with it? Talked to me about it?"
"Right. I bet Gemma would've loved that. Me running to you every single time, like some goddamn damsel in distress." Tara says sarcastically, then looks away, and scoffs, "Like you didn't have enough on your plate already. You would've gotten real tired real quick, playing goddamn referee between Mommy-dearest and me."
"You don't know that," Jax says earnestly, but then pauses for a long moment before he speaks up again. "Look, I know my life was consumed with the Club back then. And because of that I fell short as a husband, and a father, but, Babe, you don't know what would've happened if you had just talked to me, and told me everything." There is a long pause, but when Tara doesn't speak up, Jax does again. "So what else don't I know that she did?" He surprises her with a much gentler tone again. "Why don't you tell me now?"
At that, Tara looks up at him apprehensively, but the look in his eyes conveys that he is dead serious. She thought about the events of the day she got arrested, Gemma's threat and attack, the one that ultimately led her to come up with the plan for the miscarriage.
She swallows the lump it causes in her throat, and pinches the bridge of her nose, wondering where or how to even start. She held Gemma's ugly words inside of her for so long now, never thought in a million years she'd repeat them to anyone out loud. "When I got arrested, earlier that same day, she ... she somehow found out that I accepted the Providence offer. She showed up at my office to confront me about it. We argued. She said if I dared to set foot out of Charming, she'd tell the investigators that it was my idea to bring the crucifix to Otto, that it was my plan for him to kill the nurse with it in order to kill RICO."
"Jesus Christ." Jax curses out loud interrupting her, and practically flings himself out of his chair, trying his best to contain his anger. He hurriedly stubs his smoke out, turns back toward her, and looks right at her, "That's why you thought she was the one that ratted you out?"
"Yes." Tara nods, "But that's not all. Um ... she said she'd get satisfaction knowing that I'd be locked up and fist raped every night until the boys are in their twenties. I kinda lost it and grabbed her by the throat, but she punched me in the stomach, then said she hoped I wasn't pregnant. Who in their right mind would want someone like that raising their babies?"
"Why the fuck didn't you tell me any of this?" Jax blurts out, his cheeks suddenly flaming red in anger now.
"I was going to tell you, the night I was arrested. I was going to show you the bruise she left behind." She blurts right back at him, "But all you saw was that I was pushing Wendy as a guardian, and I felt like nothing I could've said was going to get through to you." Tara's eyes begin to fill with tears, but she fights to keep them at bay. "Before I get a chance to explain to you what happened, and why I chose Wendy over Gemma, Roosevelt showed up." Tara hides her face in her hands, and sobs, no longer able to keep her emotions under control as all those feelings from that moment come rushing back to her.
Jax wipes at his eyes now too, the guilt he's already been feeling about that night comes on tenfold now that he knows the whole truth. He steps closer toward her, reaches for her, pulls her hands from her face, and pulls her up to her feet, before he wraps his arms around her in a tight embrace.
They stand silently like this for several long minutes, with Jax running a soothing hand up and down her back, just like he had done the night before. Then Jax pulls back, releasing her out of his arms, and looks down at her, "Babe. You should've told me."
Tara looks up at him, and nods. "I wasn't sure if you'd even believe me."
"Of course, I believe you. When have I ever not believed you?" Another pause, while he gently pushes her hair out of her face as all the puzzle pieces in his head begin to click into place. His mind goes back to the notes she made about all the horrible things that happened, yet this encounter with his mother wasn't in the notes, but he's already figured out why. "That's how you came up with the whole miscarriage idea." He inquires further, his eyes not leaving hers, but he doesn't wait for her to answer. "You figured she'd attack you like she did before, except the plan failed because she thought you were actually pregnant, so she held back."
"Yes," Tara answers solemnly, thankful that the tears stopped falling again. "I'm sorry, Jax." For so so many things.
Jax palms her face with his hands, and leans forward to kiss her forehead, before he speaks again. "Is there anything else you haven't told me, that you probably should have?"
Tara lowers her head, and leans her forehead against his chest, taking a few seconds to think. "I was the one that beat up Carla on the day of Opie's wake." She ruefully confesses. "Not Gemma, like everyone just assumed."
"What?" Jax tips her face up by her chin, trying to look her in the eye. "Why?" His face contorts in confusion, eyebrows drawn together as he tries to read the answer in her eyes.
Tara scoffs, she has so many different reasons why, and yet no earthly idea of how to really explain them, but she gives it her best shot. "It was just a bad day, you know. I loved Opie. But at the same time, I felt so guilty and angry with myself, for being relieved that it wasn't you who died in county. And it made me feel so horrible inside for even thinking that way. Then Gemma said Carla was the reason you went down earlier that day, almost got you killed too, and I just ... I just lost it. " Tears start streaming down her face again. "So I let all those feelings out on her." Her voice broke painfully on the last word.
Jax really isn't sure what to say to that, because to this day he still struggles with the thought that his best friend is no longer here with him and a part of their lives.
But he couldn't fault her for feeling the way she was, because as sickening as the thought sounds in his own head, he knows that if he'd ever been put in the position to choose between Tara's life or Ope's, he would've chosen her without a doubt. And yet, that thought provokes the same kind of guilt he knows she's been feeling all along.
"Come here." He finally says, and hugs her tightly against his chest once more. He buries his face in her hair, taking in the faint smell that was left of her shampoo just like he did last night, and tries to remind himself that all of these revelations are a necessary part of healing their relationship. The hidden truths, and unspoken words need to finally see the light of day.
Tara's voice sounds so small and fragile when she finally dares to speak again, "There's one more thing I've been keeping from you. And it's been eating me up inside, Jax. I've been holding onto this for so long, and the longer I kept it from you, the harder it seemed to reveal it. Then the proof I had was destroyed, and I wasn't sure if you'd even believe me if I told you." She told him truthfully, revealing her worst fears to him.
"What is it, Babe?" Jax urges her to tell. "Just tell me."
That's when Tara looks up, frames his face in hers for the first time, and looks him right in the eyes, "I need you to promise me though, that you won't do anything impulsive or stupid, because all of this is in the past now. And like I said, there is no proof anymore." She knows she is about to break his heart in two, but it is time to tell him everything.
He doesn't like this one bit. He also doesn't like being kept in the dark, but he can tell by her words and by the look in her eyes that whatever she is about to confess to him is clearly a serious matter.
"Alright." He simply nods his agreement to keep his cool, and Tara drops her hands from his face, and instead reaches for his hands, squeezing them for a brief moment before she dares to say what she needs to say. She wants to get this off of her chest for so long. "I read all the letters that Maureen hid in your bag, and um ... and some of them suggested that Gemma knew what Clay was going to do." She sees a flicker of confusion quickly being replaced by hurt and then anger in his blue eyes staring back at her.
Jax's jaw clenched as he still tries to process what Tara just told him. "You said you lost the proof?" He suddenly further inquires.
Tara nods, "Gemma came to me, and told me that it was Ope who shot Clay, because Clay was the one who'd killed Piney. She also told me that she knew it was Clay who tried to have me abducted, that she confronted him about it, and that's why he beat her up. She said Clay would continue to lash out at anything and anyone until he'd get his hands on those letters. I was scared, Jax, because Clay came to see me at the hospital the day before, and basically threatened you and me. He said that it would be a shame if you and I would never make it out of Charming alive. So I gave Gemma the letters, but instead of delivering them to Clay, she threw out the ones that implicated her, and then handed the rest of them over to you instead." Tara searches his face for a reaction, and she can see the anger reflecting back in his eyes.
He pulls his hands out of hers, and spins around, facing away from her, and Tara watches with a heavy heart as his hands ball into fists by his side for a long silent moment.
She hesitates for a minute, but then finds the courage to step forward and right behind him. She places one hand flat against his broad back, while her other hand curls around his arm from behind, her forehead leaning against his shoulder blade, she can feel how tense his muscles are beneath her touch.
"I'm so sorry, Jax. About everything." She pauses for a second, unsure if she should continue with what she wants to say, but decides to get it off of her chest once and for all, "I didn't want to tell you about those letters when you were still inside, because I was afraid you'd kill Clay if you knew, and then you'd not get out after fourteen months. And then when you got out, you were so hell-bent on leaving with me, I was afraid those letters would push you back in." She confesses some more guilt she's been carrying with her all this time. "Piney might still be alive if I hadn't kept those damn letters from you."
"It's not your fault." He suddenly speaks, his voice grim, and dark.
Tara doesn't know how to respond, she is just so utterly clueless about how to handle him when he is this way. But then again, how would anyone handle the news that their mother might've played a part in the murder of their father. It was such a heavy cross to bear.
"None of that is your fault, Babe." He says, his voice a bit softer again. His hand blindly reaches back for her, to pull her into his side instead, and she wordlessly complies. "You got caught in the middle, and never should've been put in that spot in the first place."
She wraps her arms around him, and rests her head against his shoulder in relief that he sounds more like himself again.
"I'm done with her. I promise, she'll never get anywhere near our boys again." He says solemnly, staring off into the distance, just a sea of rooftops spread out in front of them. "But you're wrong, there's still proof."
At that, Tara looks up at him, and draws her eyebrows together in confusion. "What do you mean? I'm sure she destroyed 'em on that same day."
"I believe you, Tara. I don't want you to think for even a second that I don't believe you, but I have to have proof before I confront her, which means I have to reach out to Maureen, and hear it from her myself. That way you won't be caught in the middle again when I call Gemma to tell her why I'm cutting her out of our lives once and for all. If I tell her it was you who told me, she'll twist it around, and say that you're just plotting against her again, trying to push her out of the family. But if I can tell her that it was Maureen who told me, there's nothing she can say, because Maureen has nothing to gain by creating a rift between Gemma and me."
He looks down at her then for the first time since he's pulled her back into his arms, and meets her eyes, searching them for something. "I know my Dad was lying and cheating on her, and she had every right to leave him, and be hurt and angry about that. And I also know that sadly I didn't fall far from that unfaithful tree, and have hurt you just the same. But never in a million years could I imagine you plotting my death because of it. Because you are a good person, Tara, and she is just ... not!" He hugs her even closer to his side, and gently kisses her forehead again. "I love you so much, Babe." He mumbles against her hair.
"I love you too," Tara answers back, and reaches up, pulling him down toward her to really kiss him. First soft, and sweet, but then their lips part and the kiss grows more intense as Jax frames her face with his hands now in return.
Their passionate kiss is suddenly interrupted when Tara's phone in her back pocket starts ringing.
Tara pulls away, reaching back for her phone, "Shit. That's probably Christy. I told her I'd call her right back after I talk to you." She looks at the screen, and sees that it is in fact her friend, and shakes her head, "I can tell her we can do this another time. We can just go and get the boys."
"Babe, it's fine. Just tell 'em to come over in an hour." Jax reassures her. "Right now, having some company will help both of us take our minds off all this for a little while."
"Are you sure?" Tara looks at him quizzically.
"I'm sure," Jax replies, and rubs the pad of his thumb over the worry lines between her eyebrows. "Don't worry so much. We're all good, I promise."
"Okay." Tara nods, and answers the call.
X
Jason and Jax made quick work getting the bikes unloaded, and were already back in the truck and on the way to the nearest U-Haul place to return the trailer Jax had rented.
Their conversation thus far only consisted of bikes, trucks, sports cars, and the like. Jax tries his best to focus on what they are talking about, but he simply can't shake all the other thoughts that continue to roam through his mind.
His mind keeps going back to what Tara finally revealed to him earlier that morning, about Gemma's possible involvement in his father's death. He believes Tara wholeheartedly, but at the same time he holds out hope that Tara might've misread or misunderstood what those letters supposedly revealed.
He means what he told Tara, that he wouldn't let Gemma back into their family, merely for the way she threatened and hurt his wife. But he still holds out hope that Maureen would tell him that Tara misunderstood, and that his mother isn't the monster he thought her to be at this very moment.
Jax already tried to get a hold of Maureen hours ago, and was now rather impatiently awaiting a call back from her.
But Jason suddenly brings him back to reality, when he decides to steer their little chat in a whole other direction.
"So Tara and you seem to get along much better." Jason phrases it like a statement, but Jax can hear the obvious underlying question.
He nods, "Yeah, we are."
"That's good." He nods. "I think having you home, and helping her with the boys must be taking some of that pressure off her, you know. She seems more relaxed at work now too. Less stressed." He pauses for a second, but then adds, "I mean, things between her and Seward are still a bit awkward, but they barely consult on the same cases anyways, so."
At that Jax's curiosity is piqued, and he looks over at Jason several times between focusing on the road when he says, "Who the hell is Seward?"
"Shit. I thought you knew about him?" Jason looks suddenly uncomfortable, having put his foot in his mouth. "It's the guy she dated a while back, while you guys were broken up."
"Wait ... you talkin' 'bout John?" Jax clarifies, and is relieved when Jason nods, glad to know there wasn't yet another guy in Tara's life he needs to worry about.
"Yeah, John. So you do know about him?" Jason asks to confirm.
"I knew she'd been seeing someone, but I had no fucking clue that he works at the hospital with her," Jax says with suddenly obvious agitation in his voice. He doesn't like the fact Tara kept that little tidbit of information from him.
"Well, shit." Jason curses, wishing he would've kept his big mouth shut. "I thought you knew, man."
X
At the same time, Tara, and Christy sit on a park bench across town, just a few blocks from the apartment, watching Abel and Thomas amuse themselves on the playground.
It hasn't really warmed up today, and is still as cold as it was this morning, maybe even colder since the wind picked up even more, and rain was in the forecast too. So both women and the little boys are bundled up with heavy jackets, and gloves against the cold wind, and low temperatures.
"You know, it's kind of hard to help you sort all of this out, if I don't know everything." Christy honestly says as she looks over at her friend, and studies the tormented look on her face.
"I know." Tara nods, and meets her eyes. "It's just, if you knew everything I've done, you wouldn't look at me the same." She pushes her hands inside the pockets of her coat, and leans back into the park bench behind her, "And if you knew everything he's done, you'd think I'm mental for even considering taking him back."
"You don't know that." Christy replies, "We've all done shit we regret. Who am I to judge either one of you?"
Tara sighs, and shakes her head, as she tries to not let the emotions overwhelm her, "It's just the way Jax grew up, his Mom pretty much planned his whole future out for him. That he'd take over as the leader of the Club. But it's all just criminals, outlaws, and ... there's just no happy ending in sight for anyone involved in that life."
"But Jax is out now, right? I mean, he's here, and he chose you over that life." Christy says out loud what Tara relayed to her several weeks ago, after she decided to let him stay.
"So he says. And honestly, he's been so sweet, it's hard not to believe him when he says he's done with SAMCRO, but there's still this lingering doubt, because I've heard him say that line one too many times before ... and then there's the fact that he was with someone else." She sighs in frustration. "But even after all that, he manages to get under my skin so easily. He can be so possessive and arrogant, but also so gentle and sweet ... he's like an oxymoron or … a paradox. Something like that" She huffs. "I miss all those different sides of him, even the aggravating ones ... I just miss being with him. I always felt so safe when we were in bed together, like that was the one place where nothing bad could touch us, you know. Like he was all mine, and I'm all his."
Tara's eyes well up with tears again that she quickly swipes away before they can fall. "But then he cheated, and I just don't know what I'm gonna do, if I can't get over that. What am I supposed to do if I can't forgive him?"
Christy scoots closer to Tara, and drapes her arm around her to comfort her before she speaks her mind, "Of course, you will forgive him ... but right now the wound is still too fresh, so you just gotta give it some time. I mean you've missed almost four months while you were in a coma, so it feels like it hasn't been as long ago to you as it does to him. He was awake through that time you were in the hospital, so he had all that time to think, and figure his feelings and his mistakes out. So of course it's going to take you longer to get where he's at. But the main thing is, is that he regrets what he did, and now that we know why he didn't move up here with you, but stayed back in California, it's even more obvious how much he clearly still loves you."
Christy pauses for a moment, trying to gather her thoughts before she continues to speak, "You know I wasn't exactly his biggest fan after that night when he and I picked your drunk drugged-up ass up at that dive bar, because I've never seen you like that ever. But I've gotta admit, after knowing him a little better now, he's kinda won me over."
Tara can't help herself, and scoffs at that, "Yeah, he tends to have that effect on women. It's that unfathomable Teller-Charm. It gets under your skin."
"Oh, is that what it is?" Christy replies sheepishly, and can't help but grin over at her friend in obvious amusement, before she adds. "Well, and let's not forget about that body though ... I mean, Jesus Christ, you could bounce a quarter off those abs, and that ass too." She gestures with her hands as if she is squeezing an imaginary butt, which causes her and Tara to laugh out loud.
They both have a long good chuckle, before Christy continues with her attempt to lift Tara's mood, "Or maybe it's the whole bad-boy thing ... Girls go crazy about bad-boys, and personally, I blame Marky Mark for that, with his good vibrations, and his Calvin Klein ad. At least I'm pretty sure that's when it all started for me." Christy pauses as they both let out a chuckle at that too. "Back then he had that bad-boy reputation, you know, and I swear those pictures where he grabs his dick ... that was like the closest thing to porn every teenage girl all over the world could get their hands on, yours truly included. I must've spent countless hours just staring at that ad, drooling at the mouth. Hormones raging. And you know, now he's like happily married, got a couple of kids ... he's downright domesticated, just like Jax."
It definitely works, the smile on her face, and the laughter from Tara are proof that Christy and her smart mouth are still the best cure for a moody day like today.
X
Tara is pushing Thomas on the swings when she sees both Jason and Jax walk toward the playground. She raises her hand in a casual wave, and Jax shoots her a sweet smile from across the park.
"Hi, Babe." He says when he comes up next to her, drapes his arm around her, and leans in to give her a quick peck on the lips. His eyes drift over to Christy who nods at him in greeting, before she returns her attention back to her own man. They stand just a few feet away, watching Abel come down the slide.
"Can I talk to you for a sec, Babe?" Jax says, not wanting to wait another minute to confront her about what Jason revealed to him.
"Of course." Tara quickly replies, assuming he might've heard back from Maureen. She calls over to Christy, "Can you take over for a minute?"
"Sure," Christy answers, and walks over to take Tara's place by the swings.
Jax takes Tara's hand, and they walk a little way to a nearby tree. Tara's back is turned toward the tree, and Jax places a hand against the broad trunk right beside her, bracing himself right in front of her. He looks down at her for a long moment, when he reaches for her hand again.
"Is everything okay?" Tara asks first, because she couldn't stand the obvious tension in the air she can now feel for another second longer.
"Why didn't you tell me that John works at the hospital with you?" Jax suddenly blurts out. He isn't happy that he found out about it from Jason instead of her, but he tries his best to keep his voice level, and not let it show on his face just how much it bothers him.
Tara looks surprised for a moment, but quickly gathers her wits, and realizes that Jason must've spilled the beans, "I didn't think it mattered. It's not like I actually work with him very often. And honestly, he's still kinda ticked off that I broke things off with him, so ... you really have nothing to worry about, I swear."
At that Jax raises his eyebrows in surprise himself, "You said he got mad after you told him about what happened between us, and you broke up ... you never said that you're the one who broke things off."
Tara averts her eyes for a moment, her lips pursed, trying not to smile, before she looks back up at him, "Because your ego is already inflated enough, Teller. I thought you might burst if you knew I dumped him for you." She could no longer hold back the smile now, and neither could Jax.
He smiles, and leans down, kisses her possessively, and deliberately pushes her back against the tree trunk behind her, when his hand leaves hers and grabs onto her hip instead, trapping her in place. Claiming her as his!
Tara reaches up with her hands, gripping the fabric of his hoodie, feeling weak in the knees from the kiss, before she pulls back for a second, and looks up at him, "I promise, Jax. You've got nothing to worry about what John is concerned. He's out of the picture."
"Alright." He nods to reassure her that he understands ... clearly surprising her, and surprising himself with the way he handled the situation. He didn't let his anger show, and instead asked her flat out what he wanted to know, and it was resolved without a fight or more tears from her.
Maybe they'll get the hang of this after all, if they only continue to act like the adults that they are, he thinks before he leans in once more for yet another kiss.
X
Author's Note: Hope you liked it. Please review. I really appreciate it so much. Thanks, xoxo