Jax and Tara are both fast asleep. wrapped up in each other in the most literal meaning of the words. Their legs intertwined, both on their sides with Tara's face nuzzled against Jax's bare chest, his chin on top of her head, and arms wrapped tightly around each other. Just by looking at them, nobody would ever suspect that they weren't happily married.
But their peaceful slumber is rudely interrupted by the ringing of Jax's phone that echoes through the still-dark bedroom. It isn't the alarm he set to get up in time for work, but it still startles both of them awake just as quickly.
Somehow she and Jax traded sides throughout the very few hours of sleep they actually got, so to reach his phone, he has to practically roll back on top of Tara, pushing her flat on her back while he props himself up on one elbow hovering right above her, and reaches for the phone with his other hand.
He squints at the phone number that appears on the screen, but doesn't recognize it. All he knows is that it's a local number, so he settles back down onto the mattress beside his wife and pulls a still-sleepy Tara back against him, before he finally answers the call and raises the phone up to his ear to answer.
"Yeah." He says, his voice sounding raspy with sleep. "This is him."
Tara blinks to adjust her eyes to the darkness, and looks up then from beside him, suddenly curious who he might be talking to, but Jax's face doesn't give anything away and even though she can hear a male voice, she can't quite make out what is being said.
"Now?" He suddenly says, and closes his eyes in obvious frustration, out of reflex he nods, but also answers out loud since the caller obviously can't see him, "Yeah, alright. I'll be there as soon as I can." He hangs up the phone and tosses it on the empty spot beside him, clearly agitated, and curses out loud. "Fuck."
Now wide awake, everything about last night comes rushing back to him with full force. The talk with Maureen, not only revealing the truth about Gemma but about him almost leaving Abel too, then his middle of the night confrontation with his mother ... and last, but not least, what ended up happening between Tara and him. So much for easing up on her, and not pushing her anymore! Christ!
"What's going on?" Tara suddenly speaks, a tad bit alarmed by his angry outburst. "Who was that?" And props her head up on her elbow to get a better look at him, her hand flat on his chest right above the letters that spell out her name.
Jax swipes his hand down his face, and wipes the sleep from his eyes, "That was my fuckin' PO, since I just got back from Charming, he wants me to come in for a piss test right away."
"Okay," Tara says wearily, but can't stop herself from asking out loud what instantly pops into her mind. "When you were in the chapel alone with them, did you -"
"No, Babe." Jax interrupts her before she can even finish her question. "I ain't gonna piss hot. There's no reason to worry." He pauses, sighs as he looks over at her, and brushes her disheveled hair out of her face, "I just didn't wanna have to run out of here this morning like that, but now I fucking have to." It was the truth. He didn't like the thought of running off right now without a chance to gauge where they were at. If they were good, after last night. But there is no time for any of that now. So he quickly shifts his focus on the here and now once more, "Are you good getting the boys ready on your own?"
Tara nods, "Yeah, I'll be fine." She almost reminds him that she's got plenty of practice being a single parent, but she bites her tongue, not wanting to sour the mood even more. Not after the night they had.
"Alright," Jax replies, and leans in for a lingering kiss, before he quickly climbs out of bed, to take a fast shower and heads on out.
X
Tara and Christy manage to take their lunch break at the same time for once, and are hiding out from their patients and co-workers alike in the back hallway of the hospital basement. It is one of the quietest places you could find in the entire building, other than the morgue, which they avoid for obvious reasons, and the rooftop, which at this time of year was simply too cold, windy, and often rainy, to enjoy their lunch break outside anymore.
So the hallway suits them better, for some much-needed quiet time. There are extra gurneys stacked up, and hospital beds lined up against the wall, along with some folded-up wheelchairs and extra chairs as well.
Tara sits right across from Christy in one of those chairs, hiding her face in both her hands while she sighs audibly in frustration with herself. She already filled Christy in on what happened last night between her and Jax, but she was still at a loss on how to really feel about it herself.
"I'm just so confused. I got all these contradicting feelings about what happened. I don't even know what to think." She admits, no doubt, that they are completely alone to discuss these matters out loud and out in the open.
Christy shakes her head, still chewing the bite of her sandwich, trying her best to figure out what the right thing to say is in this particular situation, but for the moment she keeps quiet and thinks it might be best to just let Tara pour her heart out.
And then Tara speaks up again, "You know, my psychiatrist thinks I'm holding out on sex with him, because I'm subconsciously punishing him for cheating." Tara searches Christy's face for a reaction.
At that Christy actually puts her sandwich down, and absentmindedly swipes some crumbs off of her blue scrub top, as she inquires further what Dr. Reisman said, "She actually said that? 'Cause she's normally way more cryptic. She kinda sucks that way."
"Not in those exact words." Tara replies agreeing with her friend, and when Christy nods, Tara adds, "But she was definitely implying it." She takes a sip from her soda can.
"Well, I call bullshit." Christy suddenly finds her voice, having had an opinion about some of this for quite some time, "Because even with John, Medford Memorial's very own tall, dark, and handsome version of Mc Dreamy, who's fucking perfect, you couldn't pull the trigger either. Remember? So I think it's just ... um, you know, you've been hurt by men in the past, and yeah, emotionally it was Jax, but I think it's a general not trusting men thing, not just Jax specific."
Christy studies Tara's face who is clearly letting her words sink in, before she adds, "I mean, there is the guy from Chicago who assaulted you, then you got almost kidnapped and got your hand crushed, and the guy from Charming who almost killed you, put you in a coma ... Of course, that shit will eventually catch up with you, anyone would have a hard time trusting anyone after a trauma like that, sweetie."
Christy gives her a comforting look while a few beats of silence stretch between them. "And yeah, it sucks for Jax that he's taken the brunt for what these other guys did to you, but he's not exactly innocent either. He might've not hurt you physically, but he broke your fucking heart ... bad, so ..." Christy finishes, leaving the rest open-ended, but the meaning is clear.
But before Tara can even so much as utter a reply, Christy quickly speaks up again, "Or maybe I'm wrong, I mean, what the hell do I know? Maybe you are holding back because he cheated, and honestly, that's fine too, there's nothing wrong with any of that. If you need more time, you need more goddamn time and Reisman can just shut her judgmental trap the fuck up."
Tara raises her eyebrows in surprise at Christy's outburst, and Christy finally looks up from her food and meets Tara's eyes, "Sorry, I just can't fucking stand Dr. Reisman."
"Why are you seeing her again?" Tara suddenly dares to ask in return, in an attempt to lighten the mood she teases, "Was it anger issues?" Tara smirks.
"Funny." Christy scoffs, but then smirks back at her, before she answers. "I'm not seeing her anymore. I was just stressed about some work stuff, but I think she actually made things worse for me instead of better. So I quit going back." She looks up suddenly again, "That doesn't mean you should quit seeing her, I mean, you got some real shit happening with you, not just stress."
"I know. God knows I need all the help I can get." Tara agrees, only partly joking and letting out another heavy sigh, her forehead wrinkling in obvious worry as she looks off into the distance, lost in her thoughts again.
Christy examines the look on Tara's face for another long moment, getting back to the point at hand. "About Jax though, I've seen you guys together, and I think you worry just a bit too much. Like you said, he would never do anything you don't want him to, so the fact that things went as far as they did last night means that at some level you are okay with it, or you would've put a stop to it. Right?" Christy searches Tara's face for any reaction to her insight.
And Tara slightly blushes, a small smile now tugging on her lips. "Yeah, I guess."
"I think you'll know when the right time comes to take that next step, ... and until then, you put on the brakes if it doesn't feel right yet. Sounds like Jax is okay with that, so it's all pretty fucking simple." Christy says, but then simply can't help herself and has to add, "But on a side note, no hands, no toys, and clothes still on ... sounds like that man of yours got some mad skills to get the both of you off just dry humping." Christy giggles.
"Christy." Tara says in a warning tone, but can't help from letting out a chuckle at that herself, cheeks blushing even more, before she says clarifying, "Trust me, there was nothing dry about it." Tara now boldly admits. "We were both soaked down to our skin by the time we finally fell asleep."
"The best kind of sex usually ends like that." Christy winks grinning and Tara smiles, nodding in agreement.
"Yeah," Tara replies wistfully. Last night was good, but nowhere as good as it had been in the past or could be again if she'd truly let it happen.
Christy is always able to bring a smile to her friend's face with her colorful commentary, and she isn't done just yet, "Speaking of being dry though, I swear, I dated this guy my freshman year in college ... I could've drawn him a goddamn map and he still wouldn't have found the right spot, if you know what I mean?" Both laugh out loud at that. "And to make matters worse, he'd then ask me how he was in front of his stupid friends."
Christy shakes her head, "Needless to say, it didn't last long." Christy makes a face to convey her disgust with the guy, which in turn brings on another round of laughter from both of them. "Sounds like Jax at least knows what the hell he's doing between the sheets."
Just then someone clears their throat loud enough startling them both in surprise as they turn their heads in unison in the direction of the sound.
And there is Jax, slowly approaching them, with that confident Teller-swagger, and even though they can't be sure just how much of their conversation he overheard, the amused look on his face leaves no doubt that he heard at least some of it. That last sentence for sure.
Tara and Christy share a look, Christy bites her lip as she tries so hard not to laugh and Tara simply shakes her head embarrassed, heat rising across her face, she can feel it all the way to her ears.
Christy begins to wrap her sandwich back up in the wax paper on her lap and quickly gathers all of her stuff, getting to her feet. "Hi, Jax." She greets him sweetly, smiling, and Tara wishes the floor beneath her would open up and swallow her whole.
"Hey." Jax nods at her in greeting, before he comes to a stop right beside Tara. "Hi, Babe." Still smiling sheepishly at her, gauging her facial expression in return.
"Hi," Tara replies, also looking up at him now, her cheeks flaming, before her eyes drift back to Christy again.
"Well, I gotta get back to work. Find me later." Christy says winking and leans down to give Tara a one-armed hug with her free hand, clutching her food and bottle of water with her other, before she nods at Jax once more as she walks past him toward the long corridor that leads to the elevators. "Behave yourselves and keep your clothes on." She blurts over her shoulder, and Tara shakes her head once more in embarrassment as Jax now takes the seat that Christy just abandoned.
"I take it you told her ... about last night?" Jax asks out loud, and she curses him inwardly that he's actually bringing it up right now this way.
Tara bites her lip, trying not to smirk, before she cocks her head to the side, "What gave it away?"
At that, Jax actually lets out a laugh, and Tara can't help but smile along with him.
"What are you doing here?" Tara suddenly asks, and scrunches her eyebrows together as something begins to dawn on her. "And how did you even get down here, this is a restricted area?"
"One of the nurses on your floor said you might be down here. She swiped her access card for me." He says as if it is the most normal thing in the world.
Now Tara shakes her head and frowns as her mind tries to recall all the female nurses on her staff today, wondering which one of them fell victim to the Teller charm.
"Of course." She huffs, a bit annoyed at the thought of him flirting with people in her department, "Why are you here, Jax?"
"Hey." Jax pulls his chair forward, to be closer to her so he can grab both her hands, not liking how her facial expression and the tone in her voice just changed, "What just happened? What's wrong?"
Tara wants to roll her eyes at the fact that he clearly never sees anything wrong with his behavior, but instead she just flat out tells him the truth, "I don't like you flirting with people I'm working with, alright? That's what's wrong."
"Wait a minute, Babe. I didn't flirt with anyone." Jax tries to defend himself. "Was I friendly to find out where you are? Sure. But I didn't flirt with anyone."
"Oh, really. Some nurse just swipes her card for some random stranger to get access to restricted hospital areas, without you sweet-talking her?" Tara scoffs, not buying any of this.
He shakes his head, "No, she didn't do it for some random stranger, but she did it for her boss' husband." He swipes a hand down his face in annoyance that he needs to even explain, but he does it nonetheless. "I told her that I'm your husband, and that you don't know I was stopping by, that I was trying to surprise you, and she said she recognized me from the pictures on your desk, so she was nice enough to help. That's what happened, alright?" Jax tries to explain himself, searching her face that she believes him and understands.
Tara pauses, letting his words sink in, and looks away slightly embarrassed, but for a different reason this time. "Okay ... sorry I ... I guess I jumped to conclusions."
"Apology accepted."He replies, and smiles, and rubs the pads of his thumbs over her hands in hopes to break the ice again.
Another moment of silence stretches between them, before Tara finally looks up and repeats her other question to him, "So, why are you here?" She doesn't mean for her voice to still sound so biting, but it does.
Jax clears his throat, "After last night, I just wanted to make sure that you're okay ... that we're okay?"
He searches her face and is relieved when she looks up, meets his eyes, and nods, "Yeah, we're okay." She repeats his words back to him, the tone in her voice more friendly again, but she still isn't smiling. "You didn't have to come all this way for that. You could've just called."
"I know, but then I wouldn't be able to see your face and see if you actually mean it." He replies, and gives her another smile in hopes to lighten the mood again and it seems to be working.
"You know you can Facetime with your new phone, so technically you could see my face if you wanted to." She corrects him with a hint of a smile tugging on the corner of her lips now.
"Well." He gives her a sweet smile and lets go of her hand to reach up to her face, "The phone can never be as good as the real thing." He frames her face with both his hands now and says, "And I can't do this through the phone." He leans forward for a gentle kiss, relishing the feeling of her lips and the way she returns the kiss.
He eventually pulls back, meets her eyes, and says earnestly, "I'm sorry if I overstepped last night, Babe ... I didn't mean for it to go as far as it did." He tries to sound regretful, yet it doesn't really convey in the sound of his voice when he speaks.
Tara holds his gaze for a moment, trying to find the right words herself now, and nods, "I could've told you to stop if I wasn't okay with it." She sort of repeats what Christy brought to her attention just a little while ago. She could've so easily shut him down last night.
"That's true, you could have." Jax agrees, his face serious again all of a sudden, hesitating for a moment whether or not he should even further elaborate at all, but his guilt pushes him to do it. "After that talk with Maureen, and my Mom ... I was just in a bad place, Babe, and I tried to steer clear of you for as long as I could, but ... when we kissed, all that shit suddenly disappeared, and all I could think about was kissing you and how good you felt beneath me, against me ... I'm sorry, I know it's fucked up."
"It's okay." Tara answers, her voice so low, almost a whisper, equally serious and then she reaches out for him now, picking imaginary lint off of the blue plaid shirt he is wearing in a vain attempt to avoid meeting his eyes, "It was a bad night ... what we did took both our minds off it ... at least for a little while."
She pauses for a moment, and dares to look him in the eyes then, brushing his long hair back that had fallen in his face when they kissed, "How are you doing today? Did Gemma try to reach out again?" She wondered and couldn't stop herself from asking out loud.
"How did you know?" Jax scoffs, and looks away as he shakes his head, "She's been blowing up my phone, well ... until I figured out how to block her." He admits.
"She's known to be persistent." Tara elaborates, but then changes the subject altogether again, "Look at you though." She teases, hoping to bring a smile back to his face. "Getting all tech-savvy in your old age."
"Who you calling old, Doc?" He says smirking, his eyes twinkling in amusement at the sudden playfulness in Tara's voice, "I'm not even three months older than you, Babe."
Tara lets out a small laugh, and in turn, Jax laughs too, and grabs her by her waist now just a little rough as he pulls her urgently out of her chair and onto his lap instead, leaving her no choice but to straddle him, "Christ, Tara, I love you so goddamn much."
But Tara isn't fooled this time, and when he tries to tug her closer she pushes back against his chest, to keep eye contact with him, "You didn't answer my other question though."
"Which was?" Jax feigns ignorance as best he can, still smiling.
"I asked how you are today. About your Mom?" Tara repeats her earlier question, and the way his smile begins to fade away from his face doesn't go unnoticed by her.
The change in mood is instant, and he lowers his gaze, averting her eyes and his face grows serious. And even though she is so close to him physically at the moment, she can practically feel him pulling away from her emotionally again.
She frames his face then, forcing him to look back at her, "I know that this isn't how you normally handle it. Holding back like you are, not confronting Gemma face to face, and not turning this into a Club thing." Tara begins to explain. "But I'm so thankful that you're trying this my way. I really am, Jax. And you know that you can talk to me about it, ... or not talk at all. But just know, I'm here for you. Always." She tries to reassure him.
"I appreciate that, Babe," Jax answers sincerely, his eyes locked on hers, before he wraps his arms around her, and rests his forehead against hers, closing his eyes and she closes hers too while they remain like that for a long silent moment.
But Jax finally speaks up without looking up. "I won't go after her, I won't hurt her, but I'm not sure I can ever forgive her either."
"I know," Tara replies, and pulls him even closer, until his chin is resting on her shoulder, and hers on his, wrapped tightly in each other's arms. "I don't think anyone can forgive something like that. She has no right to expect you to."
Jax scoffs, but remains wrapped in her arms, turning his head to nuzzle his face into the crook of Tara's neck, his voice hushed against her skin, "You'd be surprised what she expects of me."
Now Tara tries to pull away, so she can actually look at his face as they are talking again, but he won't let up on the hold he has on her, so she speaks up like this instead. "What do you mean by that? What does she expect?"
Jax sighs, holding her close, he doesn't want to look at her face, look her in the eye when he's taking the plunge and finally lets her in on some of the things that Gemma said, "Last night, at first she tried to deny everything, of course. Then she finally caved, but she only fessed up to have gotten closer to Clay while JT was still alive. She made excuses, blamed it on JT being gone when Thomas was so sick, and then of course his affair with Maureen, says Clay was there for her through it all and that's how they got closer. She said she knew Clay was pushing for the president's patch, and said JT crushed her, so she supported Clay in that too ... But she swears up and down that JT's suspicions of her were just bullshit. That JT was just using that as an excuse to justify his own betrayal against her with Maureen and Trinity. She said she had no idea, and denied that she had anything to do with Clay messing with JT's bike. The accident was so random, but tragic, she never suspected Clay until she read the letters herself."
He takes in a deep breath, sighing before he continues, and now he suddenly pulls away himself, so he can meet Tara's eyes again. "She's devastated, thinks Maureen's twisting me up, making me doubt her. She's pushing to get close, said she'd even leave Charming, and come up here to be near her family again."
If she hadn't overheard the end of Jax's conversation with Gemma last night, this revelation would've put her on edge now, with her heart beating out of her chest. But she knows Jax shut her down, cut her off for good.
"So she expects you to forgive her?" Tara answers, getting back to how this whole subject even started again.
"Yeah. But even if she is telling the truth about that, she's done enough damage otherwise. I confronted her about the way she treated you too. How she threatened you, and hurt you, and that I won't let that stand. I told her I'm done with her."
He sighs, "... and you're right about our sons too, I don't want her around, poisoning the boys' minds with speeches about the Club and their destiny within it, like she did with me."
Tara nods in agreement, relieved that nothing happened, that Gemma hasn't gotten to him, and changed his mind again. She can see it in his eyes just how serious he is about all of this. Gemma would be out of their lives for good this time, and without her constant meddling, in time they'll heal enough to get back to what they lost.
"There's something else you should know though, Babe." His face is a stone wall suddenly, and it scares her momentarily if she is being really truthful with herself. "Without the letters, I can't really prove that she was involved, even with Maureen backing me up."
Tara searches his face trying to figure out what he is trying to say. When the pieces suddenly begin to fall into place she hesitates before she speaks, "That's why you're not going after her." She voices it like a statement, but Jax hears it as the question it actually is.
He nods, averting her eyes for a split second before they snap back up to meet hers, "I know this isn't what you want to hear. That you want to believe that I've ... grown, but JT wasn't just my father, Tara, nor was he just First-Nine, he is the founder of SAMCRO, and if I had real proof, and I mean more than just the ramblings of a disgruntled side-piece, I'd have to tell the Club and I'd have to be there with them when they handled ... it." Jax searches her eyes, gauging her reaction and not liking the disapproving look that reflects back in them, but then again he's pretty much expected that it would come to this. His hands slide to her hips almost subconsciously, like on reflex, as if preparing to keep her from running should she try to pull away now in disapproval.
But she doesn't pull away, instead, to his surprise, she closes her eyes and leans in further again, resting her chin on top of his shoulder once more, while her arms remain wrapped around him. She isn't really sure what to say, but unlike him, she's never really believed it would be that simple for him to leave the Club behind, and the code that came with it. After all, part of her lingering doubt in him stems from that very belief, that even now, the Club was still very much a part of him, and vice versa. And with that part comes the violence, the lies, and betrayals.
Her mind goes back to an argument they shared about this back in Charming, when he promised her they'd still be leaving everything behind.
I'm still getting out, Tara. The deal with the Irish goes down today.
And then what?
Then I put my goddamn family in a car and we drive the hell out of Charming.
Just like that, Jax? Change your clothes, wash off the blood ...
Yeah, Tara, just like that … Look ... I know it's not going to be an easy shift, I'm not delusional, but I also know you're not clear right now.
I'd argue, I'm the clearest I've ever been.
Trust me, Babe … rage feels that way.
It's amazing, and frightening too, just how strong those feelings can come back to you as you're reliving a moment like that, Tara thinks to herself as she still quietly clings to Jax for support. She fights back the tears, refusing to cry ... she just wants one goddamn day without spilling tears. If she didn't know any better, she'd wonder if she was pregnant again by the mere fact of how emotional she's been as of late.
"Tara ..." He starts.
But before he can say anything else, Tara speaks up, not liking the alarming way he spoke her name. Her chin quivers, but by the grace of God she manages to keep the wavering from her voice, "It's okay, Jax, I understand."
She isn't lying, she understands. Has figured, but also feared it wouldn't be an easy shift from the monster he'd become, back to being the man she fell in love with, but at the very least, with all his confessions since he landed on her doorstep, she knows he is really trying this time.
Jax's hands slide back up from her hips, one wraps around her back, and the other disappears in her hair, pulling her just as tightly against him as she is clinging to him at the moment. "I hate to disappoint you ... Last thing I want is to disappoint you again." He whispers against the crook of her neck. "I know I'm not who you want me to be ... as good as you want me to be. But because of you, I'm already better than I was. If you hadn't made it, if I'd really lost you, Babe, there'd be nothing left of me. I would've given in ... given up, like Ope did." He mournfully confesses, tears welling up in his eyes as he remembers once more the way Opie practically offered himself up on a silver platter in his place. He makes a silent vow to himself that as long as he has her and his boys, he'll never let it come to that. He'll never again give in to the darkness he knows he has in him still, the one that had her thinking once that he'd even hurt her.
But just as this thought crossed his mind, he realized his own contradiction in them. Hadn't he just told her he would've hurt his own mother, the woman who brought him into this world, if he had tangible proof about the crime she committed against the Club?
He clings to her, presses his eyes shut, letting the tears slip past, and breathes in the scent of her, a combination of her flowery shampoo and the antimicrobial soap she washes up with before surgeries. It was such a strange mixture, but a welcoming and familiar one, one he could seek comfort in.
He had been so sure in his own convictions, they almost robbed him of all sleep last night, had him confessing them guiltily to her just now, and yet here with her in his arms, he doubts again ... but this doubt, unlike any other, gives hope that he is somehow on the right path after all. The way Tara was not giving up on him is in fact pulling him back from the pits of hell.
And as if on cue, Tara pulls back enough to look at him, for once leaving him no choice in the matter when she frames his face, forcing him to meet her eyes, "I'm still here, and so are you. What happened with Donna, and with Opie, it's not gonna happen to us. I won't let it. I promise." The look in her eyes is fierce, commuting the resolve she feels about what she's saying.
But Tara isn't done just yet, she adds, "Like you said, there's no proof, other than Maureen's words ... so there's nothing to be done, right?"
"I'm not going anywhere, Babe. I'm here, with you. I promise." Jax swears in return, looking just as determined as she did a moment ago. "I won't let anything come between us again."
X
Tara steps into the bedroom, closes the door behind her, and shrugs out of her gray robe, before she tosses it over the chair by the vanity. Her eyes connect with Jax, who is already in bed, sitting up, with a hardcover book in his hand.
He lets the book drop in his lap, scoots further down in a lying position, and pulls the blanket back for her to climb into bed beside him. Tara slips under the covers right next to him, snuggles into his side, closing her eyes with a content sigh as her head drops tiredly to his shoulder.
"Long day, huh?" Jax asks, knowing already the answer since she got home just a little while ago. Long after he'd already put their boys to bed.
"Yeah. Emergency surgery." Tara says in a way of explaining, twisting in his arms to face him even more, wrapping her arm across his bare chest without opening her eyes. "Still can't sleep?" She opens her eyes just long enough to ask and hear his response.
Jax looks back at her, "No, honestly I can barely keep my eyes open ... I was just waiting up for you." He closes the book shut without saving his page, tossing it onto the nightstand beside him, and leans closer to say, "I think we both got some much-needed sleep to catch up on."
He softly kisses her lips, sweet and innocent. "Goodnight, Babe."
"Goodnight." Tara mumbles against his chest, "I love you."
She said it plenty of times, and he never doubted the sincerity behind those three little words when they came from her, because if she didn't mean it, or tried not to mean it, she wouldn't say them, like she hadn't after she got out of county. But it still makes his insides turn to mush, like he is the goddamn girl in this equation when she says them to him now, like this, wrapped up in his arms.
It lets his mind wander back to better times, much simpler times, when their biggest problems were simpler, like if she'd be able to sneak out to see him, or if Clay would let him get more hours in at T-M, so he could finally afford the parts he wanted for his bike he'd put together from scratch.
Back then they couldn't wait to grow up, and be adults, mostly so they could be done with school, and be with each other without anyone giving them shit about it. Oh what he wouldn't give to go back in time, do things over, better! He would've gotten to this moment of peace with her a whole lot quicker and without this much blood on his hands.
"I love you." He replies, whispering the words against her temple before he places another kiss there as well. "Always have, and always will."
X
Author's Note: So here's the new chapter. Not much progress time-wise, but progress nonetheless. I hope you like it. Please leave me a few words. Thank you so much.