It is mid-afternoon on Wednesday, and Jax stands in the main lobby of Medford Memorial in front of the hospital directory, trying to figure out which floor the neurology department is on. It doesn't take long before he knows where he needs to go and he takes quick steps toward the elevator that is just about to close on him, but he makes it just in time.
He is just about to step up to the front desk, informing them that he is here to meet his wife for her appointment, when Tara appears in his line of sight.
"Hey, Babe." He says in greeting and kisses her softly on the lips, still relishing in the feel of it every time he kisses her now, after having been denied access to those beautiful lips for far too long.
"You made it," Tara says with a hint of surprise in her voice, momentarily lost in the loving look in his blue eyes that are staring back at her.
"I told you I would." He says, and reaches down to take her hand in his, intertwining their fingers as he falls in step beside her while they walk further down the hall. "Might have to work a little late tonight though, to make up the time I'm out of the shop."
"I figured." Tara nods, and brings them both to a sudden stop in front of a door, and raises her free hand to knock.
X
The room is darkened and Tara stands next to the examining table, casually leaning against it with her hip, her arms folded in front of her chest. The lines between her eyebrows appear more pronounced while her eyes look over the array of scans that are spread out along the backlit board right in front of her.
She examines the images with such scrutiny, and here and there she points out a thing or two to the doctor right beside her, which in turn would spark a quick discussion between the two medical professionals in the room, in some foreign-sounding medical lingo that leaves Jax for the most part in the dark.
Jax stands rather awkwardly a few steps behind his wife, hands buried in his jeans pockets as he also lets his eyes flitter across Tara's brain scans with the same scrutiny as she is. But unlike her, he doesn't have the faintest idea what he is looking at, or what he is supposed to be looking out for. He is trying to pinpoint anything that would look out of the ordinary as best as he can, but what the fuck does he know about ordinary-looking brain scans versus the scans of an injured brain.
He is no dummy by any means, he knows the workings of almost any kind of engine out there, cars, trucks, motorcycles, of all different makes and models. He also knows how to disassemble and reassemble just about any gun out there, yet this medical stuff right here is way over his head.
As if the two women can read his thoughts, they suddenly turn their attention back to him. Tara turns to her side, her hand stretched out toward him and he willingly takes it and steps up right next to her.
"So ...?" Jax says, nodding his head toward the board filled with scans, "How's it looking?" He tries his best to sound casual, to play off the nervousness he feels deep down. She is still so emotionally damaged, he needs her to be okay at least in the physical sense.
"Everything's good." Tara nods and smiles reassuringly back at him.
Jax lets out the breath he's been holding, and gives her hand in his a squeeze before he turns and places a kiss against Tara's forehead and sighs in relief. "Thank God, we sure can use some good news for a change."
But Jax can't help himself and lets his eyes flicker back to the scans on the wall, and even in the darkness of the room, Dr. Reed can see the lingering concern still edged in his eyes.
"Here, let me show you." She says and rifles through an oversized folder on her desk, pulling another scan from the stack within. She holds it up toward the board, reading the small identifying information on the top part, before she steps to the board itself and places it right next to the last one to the right. Then she reaches for a pen-looking device on her desk, which turns out to be a laser pointer in disguise, that she quickly flicks on.
A red dot appears on the scan, and Jax can make out the small print atop the scan that reads 'Tara Knowles-Teller' and 'St. Thomas' amongst other numbers, abbreviations, and the date, which is from the day Juice tried to kill her.
Dr. Reed proceeds to show him different parts on the scan from St. Thomas, and in turn, points the little red dot on the corresponding part on the newer scans right beside them. And even to his untrained eyes, he can see the difference clear as night and day from the scan that had been taken on the day she was attacked, and the scans that were taken here just two days ago.
His throat suddenly feels dry, at the thought of how all of this could've turned out, and he wonders how he's gotten so lucky to have been given another chance with her.
Dr. Reed flips the main lights back on, turns the backlight behind the scans off again, and turns away from the scans altogether.
"Since you're a colleague, we did this kind of backward, going over the scans first ..." Dr. Reed admits out loud, smiling sweetly at both of them, before turning all her attention to Tara. "... but I still have to give you a quick examination, Dr. Knowles, it's protocol."
"Of course." Tara nods.
"Take a seat, please." The doctor gestures toward the examining table, and Tara climbs atop, taking a seat on the edge.
Jax stands back again, and shoves his hands in his jeans pockets once more, hoping they won't find anything else wrong during this examination either.
Dr. Reed proceeds to conduct several neurological exams, ending with a small flashlight shining in Tara's eyes, before she finally speaks up, "So overall, how have you been feeling?"
"Fine. I feel fine." Tara replies without missing a beat. Anything that's been going on in her life had really nothing to do with her brain injury, so she doesn't feel the need to disclose it.
"Yeah? That's good. So no dizziness, or disorientation? Anything like that?" Dr. Reed continues.
Tara shakes her head, "No."
"Great. Well, everything looks great. And as we already discussed, the scans are excellent." She finally lowers the flashlight and turns it off with a click, "So, what about your memory recall, anything?"
Tara hesitates, "Um ... no, not really." She lost track of how many times she's been asked that question since she's come out of the coma.
"No, huh?" She replies, sounding concerned, before she grabs Tara's file off of her desk and flicks through a couple of pages for a long moment.
Tara clears her throat, not liking the concern etched in the woman's features as she reads over Tara's file for too long, so she speaks up, "Neuro isn't my field at all, I only did one rotation way back when, but that I'm still not remembering anything ... that's not normal, is it?"
Jax is suddenly on alert at that, noting the concern in Tara's voice now, but remains stoically glued to the spot watching the exchange between the two women.
"Listen, when it comes to the brain, nothing is normal, because no two brain injuries are ever the same." She begins to explain away some of Tara's concerns, putting the medical file back onto her desk.
And Jax can't bite his tongue now either, "She seems perfectly herself again." It is only partially a lie, he tells himself as soon as the words have slipped past his lips, and Tara dares to look over at him for the briefest of moments wondering if he really means it.
"Mr. Teller, would you mind if I talk to Dr. Knowles alone for just a moment, please?" She says in the friendliest voice she can muster, not wanting to sound like she is kicking him out, even though technically she was.
Jax doesn't like it but he nods, yet before he can even open his mouth to voice his agreement out loud, Tara quickly interjects, "Whatever you have to say, you can say in front of him." Tara's eyes drift to Jax's again, letting him know that she didn't want him to leave.
"Alright." Dr. Reed agrees, and proceeds with her questions, "Do you want to regain your memory?"
"Yes." Tara answers, not even having to think about it.
"I ask, because some patients fear that when their memory comes back, so will the pain of the trauma, but mercifully that's rarely the case." She eyes Tara critically from her position near her desk.
Tara shakes her head, "Oh, no, that's not it. I'm not afraid of that." But the way she answered the question makes it clear to both Dr. Reed and Jax that she is afraid of something.
Dr. Reed voices the obvious question out loud now, "So what are you afraid of?"
"Um ... I guess I just ... I don't know." Tara stutters before she pauses, averting her eyes from both her doctor and Jax, she swallows the lump in her throat now, trying to think of the right words to answer this, "What I did ..." She starts, but then elaborates, "I ... I guess I'm afraid of finding out what I did to deserve what happened." Tears well up in Tara's eyes, but Dr. Reed has quick reflexes and already holds a tissue box out to her, and Tara equally quickly takes one and wipes them away as fast as they appeared.
Jax on the other hand feels like he's just been punched square in the chest at Tara's tearful admission. Not only does she have nightmares, and is fearful, but she is also plagued with thoughts of what she did wrong to end up in a puddle of her own blood.
His jaw ticks with suppressed rage at the thought, and he vows he'll make Juice suffer. If that piece of shit is found, he'll make his end, his last breaths as slow and painful as possible But for now, he pushes all that rage aside, for her benefit.
He quickly steps closer to her, "Jesus Christ, Babe." He tips her chin up and toward him, so she meets his eyes, "You didn't do anything to deserve what happened to you. Period." It is a fact, that there is no point in even further elaborating on the reasons why, because they aren't necessary.
Tara nods her head, and lets him take her hand in his once more, but Jax has a feeling she only agrees to this so quickly to placate him, so he wouldn't worry or talk about it another moment longer.
Dr. Reed takes in the scene between the couple, appreciating the support Jax is giving his wife.
She gives them a moment to gather their composure, before she interrupts them, "I only did one psych rotation myself, so this may be terrible advice. But I think you have to try and fill in the holes, because if you don't at least open yourself up to remembering, I'm afraid you're gonna continue to live in fear of what happened in those moments that you've lost."
X
Jax has Tara in his arms, standing in a dark supply closet further down the corridor, away from the main hallway where nurses and doctors are running about.
She's resting her head against his shoulder, her face almost completely hidden in the crook of his neck, while Jax whispers sweet words of reassurance to her, with his strong arms wrapped tightly around her.
He brought up her fear about finding out what she did that night again, and in turn, after a few words back and forth, Tara became emotional again too. So here they stand, hidden away from everyone else's prying eyes while Jax tries to make her see reason that there was nothing in this world she could have possibly done to deserve what Juice did to her. He hates the thought that she is blaming herself, thinking she deserved it somehow and he can't leave her until he knows she is feeling better.
Tara pulls away, wiping at her red-rimmed eyes and using the tissue from her pocket to wipe at her nose as well. Jax looks down at her, waiting for her to look up and meet his eyes so he can gauge how she is.
"I'm fine, really." She says then, trying to sound convincing, brushing it off, because truthfully this issue, these thoughts run so deep, they won't be solved on this late lunch break, hiding out in here, between syringes, catheters, bedpans, and the like.
"Bullshit," Jax replies, and shakes his head in disagreement. "You're not fine."
"But I have to get back to work, Jax. And so do you." She says earnestly, reminding him that they have obligations. Her hands drop to the waistband of his jeans, fingers curling playfully through the belt loops in a vain attempt to still her free hands. "I'm okay, I promise." She stands on her tiptoes to give him a quick peck on the lips, not liking how he still looks back at her with that overprotective and worried expression on his face.
But to Tara's surprise, he relents, "Alright." He nods and kisses her back, soft but quickly like she had, "But this isn't over, we will talk about this some more."
Tara cocks her head to the side just an inch, giving him a cheerless smile, "I'm talking to my shrink about it already ... no need to make it a home session too."
"Fat fucking chance, Babe." Jax smiles almost slyly back at her. "We are going to talk about this some more ... at home." He adds with emphasis.
"Fine," Tara answers, she gives up trying to convince him otherwise, or he'll never leave her to get back to work.
"Fine," Jax repeats in her exasperated tone of voice, but then grins at her sheepishly, making sure she knows that he is just teasing her at the moment.
Tara turns toward the door then and Jax follows right behind her as they both try to slip out inconspicuously. They walk a few steps down the corridor, to the main hallway that leads to the elevators again.
Jax pushes the button, and reaches out for Tara's hand, pulling it to his lips and placing a small sweet kiss against her knuckles, and she smiles in return at the sweet gesture that truthfully never gets old. She simply loves it when he does that.
As they stand waiting for the familiar ding and the elevator doors to open, someone calls Tara's name out behind them, and both turn together on cue.
But unlike Jax, Tara recognizes the voice instantly and already knows who is calling out for her, and the fact that her husband is about to meet the man she was dating several months ago makes her heartbeat quicken and her palms uncomfortably sweaty, to say the least.
John is quickly approaching the couple, trying to catch Tara before she disappears into the elevator that has now opened behind them.
"Hey. I was looking for you." He huffs, sounding almost out of breath as he comes to a stop in front of Jax and her.
"Hi," Tara replies, and she can practically feel the sudden awkwardness in the air as the two men size each other up.
She knows that she really has no choice here other than to come right out with it, because if she knows one thing, it is that Jax is no fool and he'll be putting two and two together either way, with just one glance at the nametag.
And she is right, because as soon as Jax turns to see who is calling after his wife, his eyes zeroed automatically in on the embroidered name on the white doctor's coat, before he even bothered to give the man himself a second glance.
But now as Dr. John fucking Seward stands in front of him, he has to remind himself that the last thing Tara needs right now, is for him to cause any trouble for her at work. She'd be beyond pissed if he stirs shit up here and now, so he instead squeezes Tara's hand a little tighter than he probably should have, before he wraps his arm around her waist from behind and tugs her closer against him.
"Jax, this is Dr. John Seward, he's the Head of Neurology." Tara says unmistakably uncomfortable, looking back over her shoulder, meeting Jax's eyes now to gauge his reaction and is met with an ice-cold stare that sends chills down her spine, before she and Jax both look back at John and she says, "John, this is my husband, Jackson Teller." She gestures with her hand to Jax as if it isn't clear enough, but the truth is that she is simply incredibly nervous.
With a too-cheerful grin plastered onto his too-handsome face, John sticks out his hand toward Jax to shake, but Jax's eyes merely drift down to the outstretched hand, before he shoves his own hand back into his jean pocket, while the other remains wrapped tightly around her. Making it glaringly obvious he's got no intentions of shaking the man's hand who's been screwing his wife behind his back. Hell will freeze over first!
The air thickens even more when John awkwardly pulls his hand away again, and even though she can't blame Jax, she finds herself wishing for the second time this week to just get swallowed up into a big black hole beneath her feet, while she watches her husband and her ex look each other over with deadly scrutiny in their eyes for much too long for comfort. And she can't help but fear that if she doesn't intervene, and quickly, she will undoubtedly get caught in the crossfire.
Tara decides the best approach is to get right to the point, so she and Jax can be on their merry way again, "What's going on? What do you need?" She looks up at John, who stands just over six feet tall, matching Jax in height, and waits for his reply.
At Tara's inquiry, John snaps back to the here and now, and hands her the file in his other hand, which Tara quickly flips open and begins to scan the pages in the same instant John begins to fill her in. "Sixteen-month-old female, car crash, she was just brought into the pit."
"Brain hemorrhage, and arrhythmia," Tara confirms, not taking her eyes off the file in her hands as she speaks.
"She's getting prepped as we speak. I'm going to fix the bleed first, then you can fix the arrhythmia right after, considering ..." John's words trail off and he searches her eyes to see if she agrees with his approach as Tara looks further over the medical data in her hand.
"Yes, I agree, the bleed needs to be fixed first." Tara nods, and closes the folder before she hands the file right back to him, "I'll walk my husband out, then I'll scrub in right after you."
"Alright. You've got some time." John nods at Tara first, but then turns his attention back to Jax, "Sorry I have to interrupt this mid-day date and borrow your wife for myself for a couple of hours."
Tara briefly closes her eyes trying to suppress her own rage at the choice of John's words. She can't believe he's daring to provoke Jax like this, especially considering that he's barely spoken to her after they broke up, so it makes no sense that he's acting like this now. But she also knows that this is not the time nor place to confront him, it would have to wait until after the surgery.
A low rumbling chuckle, that doesn't hold a trace of humor in it, escapes Jax's throat right beside her ear before he deliberately slowly places a kiss against her temple. Instinctively Tara grasps onto his arm that is wrapped around her waist, to ensure it would stay there, knowing that he must be seething at John's inappropriate remark that is clearly meant to get a reaction out of him.
Jax smirks sardonically back at him, his voice dripping with some twisted mixture of hateful amusement, the words delivered intentionally slow, "No problem, man, I will have her out of her scrubs and to myself all night long." He raises her hand back up to his lips for another kiss, his eyes never leaving John's as he does so, before he tugs her along with him back toward the elevator and says, "Let's go, Babe."
She knows there is a part of her that takes offense, or at least should've taken offense at the fact that these two men are talking about her like she is some piece of property to be had and fought over. Except there is a small part of her that feels turned on at Jax's display of jealousy and his possessiveness too. Something she barely got to see, because she never gave him any reason to.
And in all actuality, she also knows things could've gone a hell of a lot worse if Jax hadn't held back as he did, and she's grateful for that as he leads her into the elevator without saying another word or another look back at the man behind them.
After the doors close, she wants to say something to him, but the elevator is full of other people, so Tara decides to hold her tongue for now instead.
She sees the way his jaw is set, and the almost painful way his fingers dig into her side while he holds her close to him. She dares to look up at him for another moment, noting that he is looking straight ahead as if he intentionally tries to ignore her stare and refuses to meet her eyes.
There is no doubt, he is beyond furious.
They exit the elevator into the underground parking garage without speaking, but she gives him credit for now holding her hand as she follows along to wherever he parked his truck.
To her surprise, they arrive at his Harley Dyna instead. She strangely missed the sight of him on a motorcycle way more than she'd ever admit out loud to him, and that's when Tara dares to speak up for the first time, "You rode your bike here?"
It is more of a rhetorical question, since the answer is parked right before her eyes, but Jax answers nonetheless, albeit short, "Yes." That's when he lets go of her hand, steps up to his bike, unlocks his saddlebag, and digs out his gloves.
Tara simply can't take the silent treatment another minute longer. "Thank you." She says, with a hint of hesitation in her voice.
When he stops what he is doing and actually looks over at her, his jaw is still set in anger when he growls out the words, "For what?
Tara folds her arms in front of her chest, "For not making a scene ..." A halfhearted smile appears on her lips when she adds, "... and for not killing him."
At that he scoffs, one corner of his mouth almost looks like it raises just a tad for a split second as he goes back to slipping his hands into his gloves, but he is back to avoiding her eyes and not speaking again, while he busies himself with adjusting the leather around his fingers for the perfect fit.
"He was out of line," Tara adds, hoping that would get him to say something back in reply, but when he still remains quiet, she decides it might be time to share the last bit of truth she's kept from him. She hasn't exactly lied, it was more of a lie by omission, when she told him that she'd been seeing someone else before he came back to her.
She hesitates for a moment, going over the right words to say in her head first before she dares to say them out loud, "There's something I should've told you ... about him."
She can see his chest rise and fall as he takes in a deep breath, but finally stills his hands that are now digging through his saddlebags again. "If it's gonna piss me off even more, you might wanna hold that thought for later, darlin'." His voice is grim sounding, with not a trace of humor in it.
She thinks about what he just said, but doesn't miss a beat in her reply, "It might piss you off why I didn't tell you right away, but overall I think you'll be less pissed." She watches his facial features intently to judge his reaction to what she just said.
But Jax just scoffs again, shaking his head this time, but when he has nothing else to add, it is Tara's turn to snap at him as she walks right up to him and yanks at his arm to get him to stop what he is doing, "Would you stop digging through that goddamn bag and listen to me for a fucking minute." She glares up at him, clearly exasperated, but is met with a matching look in his eyes shining right back at her. "Please, Jax." She adds now out of sheer desperation.
Jax leans back against the seat of his bike now and makes a motion with his hand for her to go on, "Go on, spit it out."
"I never slept with him." And there it is, the truth that she's intentionally kept from him all this time.
"What?" Jax suddenly speaks now, searching her face to read if she is really speaking the truth as he tries to process what she just said.
Tara looks up at him, embarrassed to admit it, because she knows she sounds like a broken record by now, but she also knows it needs to be said, "I couldn't bring myself to let it get that far."
"But you made me think you did." Jax clarifies, his eyebrows raised, and still angry, but for a whole other reason now.
"Actually I didn't." Tara says, trying to keep her emotions from displaying on her face like an open book when their conversation in the woods outside of town comes back to her, "You kind of jumped to that conclusion all on your own, and I ... Well, I didn't correct you."
"Why the hell wouldn't you tell me?" Jax shakes his head, and sighs in frustration as he swipes a gloved hand down his face, before he finally looks straight at her, "Why make me think that you fucked around behind my back, when you hadn't?"
Tara pauses at that again, trying to get the words lined up in her head before she begins to speak, " I've never cheated on you, Jax. Not when we were teenagers, not when we got together again after I came back, and not while you were in Stockton either. Not once. I've never even toyed with the idea of being with anyone else, even when I had the opportunity. But you did. And you hurt me so much, and ... I guess I let you go on believing that I've slept with him, because I thought that just this once I could make you feel a fraction of the pain you've caused me."
"So you just wanted to hurt me?" He looks away, disgusted by the thought, and shakes his head to himself before he finally dares to meet her eyes again, "Do you have any idea what fucked up shit I've pictured in my head?"
At that Tara actually scoffs at him, "I'm sure whatever you imagined can't possibly be as fucked up as the things I've actually seen you do with my own eyes." He can't guilt trip her with something so ridiculous as what he imagined, when she actually walked in on him with someone else.
But Tara knows she should've expected this double-standard way of looking at it from him, it is clear when he glares at her still pissed off. "So you kept it to yourself just to fucking hurt me? For payback? Making me think you've been with someone else, but I can't have you?" He asks once more as if he still can't believe that she's capable of such a thing.
But this time Tara turns the tables on him and remains quiet as he did before, and yes, she is embarrassed, to say the least when he puts it like that.
After she doesn't say anything, Jax suddenly snaps and actually raises his voice at her, the exasperation palpable in his outburst, "FYI, if we were having sex, I'd be bending you over my fucking bike right about now to remind you who your pussy -" He stops abruptly, as if he suddenly realizes what he is saying, and pinches the bridge of his nose in suppresses rage at himself and her.
Tara can feel the heat rising in her cheeks as his words play out in her mind, and the way it makes her feel inside is just as messed up as what he just said. On one hand, she is repulsed that he's talking to her like that, but on the other, it has turned her on, if such a thing is even possible. But she knows this is beginning to turn ugly and she needs to get out of there before somebody says something they can't take back.
She starts to take a few slow steps backward, backing away from him as he's leaning brooding against his bike, his face buried in both hands now.
"I gotta go." And with that, Tara turns on the spot not even giving him the chance to reply to her. She first takes long quick strides, but they quickly turn into a jog, back in the direction of the elevators.
"Tara," Jax calls after her, suddenly alarmed by the way she takes off so quickly. "Wait." He calls this time, and starts to run after her retrieving form. He can't possibly let her take off and leave things like this between them.
Even with the head start she had, he catches up with her before she even makes it to the elevators. "Tara." He calls her name again but when she won't stop, he grabs her by the arm, spinning her around to get her to stop and look at him. His eyes are filled with sorrow when he says, "Babe, I'm sorry. Alright, I'm fucking sorry."
She won't meet his eyes, looking purposely away from him, and he can't stand it, a guilty conscience crushing him now. His breaths come in pants from having sprinted after her, when he frames her face with his leather-clad hands, ready to have this heart-to-heart now.
But when a few people step out of the elevators and give them nosy looks, Jax grabs her arm again instead and pulls her along with him, into the stairwell right next to the elevators.
"I'm such a fucking asshole, I know I shouldn't have says that." He starts as soon as they step through the door. "Please, Babe, look at me. I'm sorry."
Tara complies and turns now to face him, folding her arms in front of her chest again, "You're right for once, you are a fucking asshole." She says, her voice stern, leaving no doubt that she means it.
Jax cracks a small smile at that, he simply can't help himself and when the corners of Tara's lips curve up just the tiniest bit now too, he takes advantage and quickly pulls her into his arms, crushing her hard against his still heaving chest.
"I'm sorry, I don't know why I lost my cool like that." He says and presses a long hard kiss against the top of her head. "I'm so glad you didn't sleep with him, Babe."
But before Tara can say anything in reply, they're interrupted when her pager goes off.
X
"Fuck." Jax curses to himself when he sees the time as he climbs into the cab of his pickup. He knew he'd have to make up the hours he lost when he went to her appointment earlier today, but they'd actually gotten swamped right before closing, and now it was so much later than he even anticipated. He wonders and hopes she is waiting up for him.
Despite the cold temperatures, he cracks his window open enough to let some fresh air in before he lights his cigarette and puts the truck in gear. He savors the taste of the nicotine, but it doesn't soothe him enough tonight to keep his mind from going back to earlier today.
He wishes more than anything that he could take her pain away, all of it. He'd gladly take it all on, just to spare her. Bring her back to being the woman that met him in the hallway of St. Thomas, smiling so brightly back at him with the good news that Abel was going to make it. Sure, the joy had been short-lived once she noticed the blood stains on his clothes, but for a brief moment, he and she had been happy. So happy in fact that they almost kissed. And now, looking back he wishes he would've said fuck it to all the reasons why he'd told himself he shouldn't and should've kissed her that night.
Overall, he wishes he hadn't been so tormented at the time, so scared to let her get that close again, knowing what kind of power she holds over him, and what kind of damage she inflicted the last time around. He was scared to get that hurt again, so he kept her at arm's length, even though he knew from the very moment he saw she was back in Charming, on the night her father died, that he wanted her back more than anything else in the world.
While working late tonight, he confided in Greg, telling him some of the shit that happened. He simply couldn't keep it all bottled up inside, but at the same time he can't burden Tara with everything that is eating at him either ... so Greg has fallen victim to him instead.
And after he shared, maybe even over-shared, all of the shit Tara endured because of him, good old Greg in turn gave him a fucking earful. But in hindsight, it was exactly what he needed today. He needed someone to help him screw his fucking head on straight again, really lay it on him and give it to him straight, and who better to do just that, than some guy that knows what the life is like, yet has no skin in the game concerning SAMCRO, Tara or him.
Greg said a lot of things to him, but the gist of it was he told Jax he needed to get his shit together once and for all. He reminded him that the main fucking goal was Tara getting better, point blank.
So it shouldn't fucking matter how long it takes before she lets him get his dick wet again, or how many exes of hers decides to crawl out of the woodwork and get in his face. He needs to suck it up, swallow his goddamn pride, and shut the fuck up about it. Because in the grand scheme of things, none of that shit matters.
Jax in turn tried to argue back, that it isn't quite as simple. That the SAMCRO way is still so ingrained in him, it was practically in his blood. A tiger can't change its stripes!
Greg called bullshit, and said, "It's not who you are that's holding you back, man, it's who you think you're not."
"Wow, that's deep," Jax replied sarcastically, but as he thought about it, really fucking thought about it, Greg's words of wisdom struck a fucking nerve in him.
Jax takes one last long drag from his cigarette as he pulls into his usual parking spot across from their home, and drops the stub to the ground. He doesn't waste any time getting inside, eager to see her, and talk to her, and hold her in his arms too. And to make up for the shit show he put her through today.
Tara is lying sleeping on the couch when Jax steps inside, but when he closes the door behind him and clicks the deadbolt in place, she stirs and opens her eyes.
"Hey." She says, looking sleepily up at him, folding the blanket back a bit.
"Hi," Jax says as he hangs up his jacket on the hooks by the door, before he steps up to her and leans down over her for a quick kiss. "Sorry, I'm late, Babe. How does the surgery go?"
"Everything went well, at least as far as surgery goes, but she's still got some hurdles ahead of her," Tara explains, and pushes herself up to a sitting position, watching Jax perch on the edge of the armchair, untying the steel-toed work boots he is required to wear at the garage.
"We got swamped at the last minute." He offers in explanation, changing the subject again, as he pulls one boot off after the other, before he stands and leans in to kiss her again, his hands on her shoulder, "I'm gonna get cleaned up real quick."
He smells like cigarettes and motor oil, and his hands feel rougher than usual when they touch her bare shoulder. And Tara would never admit it out loud, but that too, is kind of a turn-on ... but then again, apparently anything he does turns her on now, even when he yells and screams.
"Are you hungry?" Tara asks, trying to shake that thought from her mind, and bites her lip as she watches him begin to unbutton his plaid shirt.
"I'm starving." He answers truthfully. "Boys are asleep?"
"I'll heat you something up. And yes, they are." Tara answers, thankful for the distraction of a task, and quickly gets to her feet and walks past him into the kitchen.
She quickly fixes a plate from the leftovers in the fridge, before she places the plate in the microwave to heat it up.
She goes back into the living room and smiles at the trail of dirty clothes Jax left behind on his way to take a shower.
Like father, like son, she thought as her mind went back to how many times both Abel and Thomas had done the exact same thing.
So one by one she gathers up his clothes, his button-down shirt, t-shirt, jeans, and socks, and at last she arrives at the open bathroom door, the room foggy with steam, where she finds his discarded boxers on the bathmat right in front of the shower.
She disposes of everything in the hamper that stands next to the sink, when her eyes drift over to the closed shower curtain, the sound of splashing water and the smell of his body wash filling the air around her.
But she gathers her wits and decides to suppress the urge to slip out of her own clothes and under the stream of water with him, as soon as that thought crosses her mind. The time isn't right just yet. She knows that, or she would've helped him undress and joined him from the beginning.
Or I would've taken him up on his offer to have him bend me over his bike. Shit! What the hell is wrong with me?
X
"Thanks, Babe." Jax says before he takes a seat on the couch beside her and wraps his arm around her, "Food is real good." He pads his stomach a couple of times for show, "If you keep this up, I'm gonna get fat."
Tara curls comfortably into his side, but smirks at his remark, "If Gemma couldn't get you fat, I doubt I can."
Jax chuckles at that, "That's true."
Jax tries to convince himself that the awkwardness he feels is all just in his own head, but he has to know for sure. He turns his head toward her, nudging her forehead with the tip of his nose, "Hey, you know I'm really sorry ... about earlier, I messed up. But ... I need to know that we're okay, Babe."
Tara sits up straighter now and turns toward him more with her whole body, and he sort of mimics her, so they are practically sitting face to face now on the couch. She braces one hand flat against his chest, and their eyes meet for a long couple of seconds before she leans in, closes her eyes, and kisses him gently on the lips. She remains like that, letting the kiss linger for a long moment, before she parts her lips and allows him to deepen it.
Jax groans in pleasure when they kiss passionately for a long couple of minutes, before Tara softly pulls away and Jax tries his best to read her facial expression.
Noting the somewhat unsure look in his eyes, she answers his question, her voice is low and apologetic, "We're okay ... And I'm sorry too for not telling you right away. I'm sorry I hurt you like that." She pauses for a moment, running her hand over his Tara tattoo, then smirks a little embarrassed, "... I guess I just liked the idea of you being the jealous one for a change."
"For a change?" Jax repeats, looking back at her confused. "Tara, I'm always jealous. Because even back in high school I already knew you were out of my league. And you still are, Babe."
His sweet words bring a genuine smile to Tara's face, her cheeks flush a little, and Jax just loves the sight of it.
She lowers her gaze, averting his eyes because she's never been good at taking a compliment, but Jax tips her chin back up, his smile is just as sweet as hers when he speaks, "You don't even realize how goddamn beautiful you are, do you? You're perfect. And I can't stand the thought of guys even just looking at you, let alone getting their grubby hands on you."
He leans in and kisses her softly on the lips again, then says, "So you don't need to make me jealous, darlin', 'cause I already am."
X
Author's Note: I hope you like the new chapter, and I hope you leave me some words again. Let me know what you all think, please. Thank you.