The following weekend …
"I gotta be honest, I never thought we'd be one of those obnoxious couples on those HGTV shows," Tara mumbles under her breath, shaking her head as she steps into the kitchen with her iPad in hand, her eyes still skimming over the email on the screen in front of her.
"What are you talking about?" Jax can't help but ask, having heard what she's said, while giving Tara a quick glance over his shoulder from his position by the dishwasher, which he's just loaded and started.
Tara finally looks up from her iPad, taking the few remaining steps over to him, leaning her hip against the counter beside him when she starts to explain. "I'm talking about the emails both of us send to the realtor, about what we're looking for. She just forwarded me what you sent her, asking if we could maybe clarify some things."
He looks over at her again, while wiping down the counter and edge of the sink, still not sure what she's getting at. "Clarify what?"
"Well, just to name a few differences ..." She starts, but pauses as she scrolls up on the screen again to read from it, while Jax turns and moves in closer beside her to glance at the screen as well, drying his hands on a rag now as he's waiting for her to elaborate. "I told her four bedrooms, preferably not too far from your or my work, and gave her a list of the school districts I looked into, since Abel will be starting kindergarten in the fall."
She pauses again, her finger quickly tapping and swiping over the screen, to get to his list, before she adds. "But apparently you want lots of land, preferably on the outskirts of town, with a fireplace, and at least five bedrooms." She glances up at him beside her. "This sounds like we're looking for two different places, we're nowhere near on the same page, Jax." She gives him a rather curious look, as she repeats. "Outskirts of town? At least five bedrooms? A fireplace?"
"What's wrong with a fireplace?" Jax asks in return. "We had one in Charming."
"And we never ever used it," Tara replies without even having to think about it.
"It gets colder up here, and we're home more, we'd use it. As a matter of fact, if we had one right now, it be fucking lit, and we'd be having this conversation while cuddling in front of it." He smiles at her, a bit of a suggestive tone to his voice that Tara tries to ignore, because there's much more to discuss if they ever want to find a new place.
"Okay, fine ." She clears her throat. "What's with the location? Why do we need a lot of land?"
"Ope and I had dirt bikes growing up, I want to get the boys some bikes, and thought it would be nice to have enough land to teach 'em how to ride." He explains very matter-of-factly, like it's a no-brainer.
"Abel literally just learned how to ride without training wheels, and you want to get him a dirt bike?" Tara can't keep the disbelief out of her voice, nor from showing on her face either. No way, no how is that going to happen. She can already see the broken bones and bloody abrasions all over her babies, just thinking about it. "And besides, Opie and you grew up living in the middle of Charming too."
"Yeah, but we had all that land around the cabin, Piney or JT would take us up there to ride." He starts to explain, but after she still looks rather disbelieving at him, he adds. "Look, there's a learning curve for everything, and obviously I'd be there every step of the way, teaching them how to ride, how to be safe, you know, helmets, pads, ... all that shit, Babe." Jax wraps his arm over her shoulders, around her neck, pulling her closer to him again, using his forearm to force her to look up at him. "Will you at least think about it? You know they'd love that shit."
"I know they'd love it." Tara agrees without even an ounce of excitement in her own voice. "I just don't love watching them get hurt."
"They can get hurt riding their bikes down the sidewalk," Jax interjects.
It is hardly the same thing, she wants to tell him, but Tara knows there is no use in arguing, this was something they'd probably never see eye to eye on. So she placates him instead. "I'll think about it." But the look she gives him strongly suggests otherwise.
Jax can't help but smirk at her, but refrains from calling her out on her bullshit answer. "You do that." He simply says, already scheming how he'll get her to agree later on. He might budge on the land, but he won't budge on the boys learning how to ride sooner or later, someplace or another.
"What about the bedrooms? Four is all we really need, so why are you asking for at least five?" Tara tries to move the conversation along.
At that his other hand slips down her torso, his fingers fanning out as he gently caresses her still flat stomach, the gesture making Tara visibly relax against him, that is until he says. "Well, in case this one turns out to be another boy, we'd have to try again for that little girl. So it'd make sense to get five rooms now, just in case."
Her body stiffens and her eyes snap up to meet his at that statement, trying to see if he's smiling or smirking, anything to indicate he's just kidding, but she's shocked that he's doing neither. "You can't be serious?"
"Of course I'm serious." He says very matter-of-factly, with a small hint of a smile on his lips that doesn't take away from the serious tone of his voice. "I told ya', you better start wishing for a girl too, or I'll have to keep knocking you up until you give me one. Hell, we might end up needing more than five rooms." At that last statement, he cracks a grin for a split second, but it disappears again instantly when Tara speaks up.
"That's not funny." She says, her tone just as mirthless as his was before he'd grinned.
"I'm not trying to be funny, Tara. You know I really want a little girl with you." He says, sounding very solemnly, his eyes locked with hers in an unexpected challenge, when he finally dares to ask the question that's been weighing on him for quite some time now. "I guess the question is: Why don't you?"
She averts her eyes at once, looking down seemingly scanning the screen again, then clicks the screen off before hugging the iPad to her chest as it could serve as a protective shield from his question. She's trying her hardest to act nonchalant about it, but is failing miserably by the way she's not able to even meet his eyes again when she shrugs her shoulders along with her answer. "I'd rather have another boy, that's all. What's not to love about another baby boy?"
"Bullshit." Jax quips back, not angrily, yet clearly fed up. He's heard it time and again since they've decided on trying for another kid, but he's not buying her noncommittal 'I-love-my-boys' answer another second longer.
For the life of him, he can't think of any real reason why she's hesitant about having a girl, and that only seems to spur him on more to get to the bottom of it, to get the truth out of her once and for all. He turns toward her, pulling the iPad from her arms, and disposing of it on the kitchen counter, before he turns her and pulls her closer toward him, cupping her cheek with his hand to get her to look up at him, not leaving her with much of a choice than to meet his eyes again. "Whatever your reason is, you know you can tell me, right?" His tone is more gentle now, but serious just the same.
"Jax." She pleads with him, reluctance clear in her voice when she adds. "Please, ... I don't want to fight. Not about this. It's not like we have any say in it either way. Boy or girl, it is what it is."
They've been getting along blissfully this past week, trying their best to not let the weight of Gemma's actions, nor Jackson's confessions weigh them down any further, and have focused all of their energy on the positive instead, like the boys, this baby, their new life here.
They've enjoyed spending time as a family, doting on their boys after work until it was time to put them to bed with countless bedtime stories.
And later at night it would just be the two of them, tangled up, seeking comfort and release in each other's bodies. Jax finds calm in Tara's arms to escape his darker thoughts, while she gladly gives in to her only pregnancy craving: him!
So the last thing she wants to do now is burst their little bubble of obliviousness they've created for themselves, by fighting over something that in truth is out of their control, since no amount of arguing nor wishful thinking could actually influence the baby's gender.
"We're not fighting." He says with calm conviction. " But c'mon, how bad could it be?" He encourages her. "Just tell me, ... talk to me."
Tara hides her face behind her hands for a long couple of seconds, trying to think and compose herself for how to have this conversation. She'd like to chalk her irrational thoughts and feelings on the matter off to just pregnancy hormones, but who knows if that's really the reason why she's worrying the way that she is. Irrational or not, she just seems to be unable to shake it off.
Finally, she sighs heavily when she rests her hands against his chest and dares to meet his eyes again. "It's just ..." She starts but then pauses for a second again, struggling to find the right words, knowing this will undoubtedly rub him the wrong way, but it is the truth he's asking for, and the truth is that bringing a little girl into all this scares her. That is the ugly truth. "There's always been this double standard in the Club, the way girls - women - are being treated."
"Tara." He starts, shaking his head already, ready to refute her. "I'm not part of the Club anymore. I'm done with SAMCRO." He's unable to hide the obvious annoyance in his voice or the expression on his face, because he can't believe they've come full circle just to end up having this conversation again.
"Doesn't mean you don't still feel the same way." Tara rebuts without having to think about it. "Like they do."
"Well, I don't. You know that." He starts to defend himself. "Look, I know I've treated you like shit, Babe. I'm not denying how badly I fucked up, ... how I took you for granted. But you also know that I've always been proud of your accomplishments, of who you are, and the fact that you were never one of those girls." He brushes her hair back, framing her face as he searches her eyes to see if she believes him when he says. "I've always known you're too fucking good for me, that you deserve better."
Her heart could melt at the sincerity in his words, and her facial expression softened, even when she tries so hard to remain unmoved by him. But it's Jax, and he's always known just what to say to get to her, to get under her skin, and before she can think of how to reply, he carries on, one of his hands dropping down to her stomach once more. "If this is a girl, she'll get every opportunity our boys will have. She'll be loved and cherished and supported in everything she wants to do, by both her parents. The life she'll live has got nothing to do with the Club."
"You say that now, but ..." Her words trail off, knowing she's lacking the right words to truly explain to him what she means to say. He was raised by Gemma and the Club after all, some of the things she worries about, the Club's ways, they are deeply ingrained in him. "I'm not sure ... I just don't know how to explain it." She says, sounding resigned.
There's a silence that stretches on between them, during which Jax wraps his arms around her and pulls her into his chest, placing a soft kiss against the top of her head, before resting his chin there, while Tara ponders over it all, her own arms wrapping around him for support.
Jax can sense that his words haven't truly convinced her yet, he can feel how tense she still is even now as they're wrapped up in each other's arms. "Every single girl working at Diosa and Red Woody is doing so voluntarily, they can walk away at any time, no questions asked. And I promise you, there isn't a single Croweater at that Clubhouse that was ever forced to do something against their will either. I think you're not giving them girls enough credit. Those girls, their eyes are wide open, they know what they're getting into with the Club, and they know that a drunken hooking up with one of the guys won't likely turn into a lasting relationship. But honestly, none of that shit even matters, it's all beside the point, because our little girl will never ever be a part of that life, she won't be around to witness it or question her place in it."
At that, Tara pulls away enough to look up at him and meet his eyes again, those ugly fears of hers rearing their heads. "You don't know that. Kids grow up. She'll eventually be an adult, making her own choices." She starts, then adds, finally admitting one of her biggest fears out loud. "Even now that we're making a new life for ourselves, away from Charming, I'm still so scared that the boys will join SAMCRO one day, and I'm scared that if this is a girl, she'll be ... she'll end up right there with them, just ... obviously not as a member."
"I won't let that happen. I promise." Jax suddenly interjects, frowning at her as he tries to read her facial expression, the worry that was etched so deeply into her features again when she just uttered those words. The thought of his sons being part of the Club one day had certainly been a concern of his too, but now that thought only seems half as disturbing as the image of his future daughter falling prey to the lure of that life of anarchy as well.
"You can't promise something like that, Jax. You can't stop them from going back there to ... I don't know, see where we came from, to find their roots or something. Wanted to be part of something their father, and even I as your old lady, were a part of once. What do we do then?"
"First off, Abel's not even five yet, so that's a long way away. Second, boy or girl, as long as I'm still breathing, none of our kids will ever be part of that life, and I don't give a shit what I'll have to do to make sure of that, but I will, Tara ... I promise." He tugs her closer into his chest again, shaking his head at the idea that this is what has been eating at her this whole time without him even realizing it. "You have to trust me on this."
"I'm trying," Tara admits, but the doubt is still evident in her voice as she sighs.
"I was groomed to join the Club, but our babies won't be. Gemma's gone, out of our lives, out of their lives, and she'll never get the chance to poison them with her ideas, as she did with me." Jax replies, gently running a hand up and down her back, trying to soothe her.
"I already got rid of all my reaper gear before I moved up here, and tomorrow, I'll get rid of what's left, everything ... the notebooks, JT's manuscript." He rattles off, just as he frames her face again to meet her eyes, gauging her reaction, but not liking the doubt he can still read all over her face.
Tara gives him a sad smile. "It's a start, but we both know that all it takes is a Google search one day for the kids to find out about all the things we're trying to shield them from. You can burn every picture, every piece of paper that ever linked you to the Club, but it won't ever be enough, Jax." She slightly shakes her head frowning. "Proof of our connection to it all is out there, they won't even have to look very hard to find it."
"I know. Trust me, I know." He sighs, swiping a hand down his face as if the motion could wipe away his own worries along with it. "All we can do is steer them in the right direction, teach them right from wrong, and hope they'll learn from our mistakes, instead of insisting on making their own. I mean, Jesus, all the shit you alone went through should be enough to scare all of them away from the life, it sure as shit did me, at last." He sighs again, but then moments later he's smiling reassuringly at her and says. "You and me ... we got this, Babe. Together."
After a thoughtful pause, Tara gently nods her head in agreement and a speck of relief softens his features as well, when she answers. "Yeah, okay. Together."
"Together." He repeats thoughtfully, relishing in the way she's finally beginning to relax against him for a long quiet moment.
But after that pause, he actually lets out a small chuckle, twisting away from her and letting his hand dip down to her stomach again when he says. "And if this is in fact a girl like I'm hoping, and she dares to bring home a biker to meet us someday, I'll just have to make him disappear." He snaps his fingers to exaggerate his point. "Like that. I'll promise you that too."
"Yeah, right." Tara mocks him, sounding already a little more lighthearted, shaking her head at the thought and can't stop herself from rolling her eyes at him, but snuggles into his embrace just the same, clinging to him for reassurance that he's right and it'll all be alright. That they can raise a little girl in their world without letting her fall prey to their past. We got this, Babe.
She sighs deeply, her shoulders slumping when she lets go of some of that tension, letting her body relax completely in his strong arms. Hoping she won't regret putting her faith in him again.
Then after a moment, there's sudden amusement in her own voice, and even a small smile is lightly dancing on her lips when she recalls their own parents trying to thwart their teenage romance the first time around. "Remember that night when your Mom and my Dad joined forces and told us we needed to take a break? Trying to forbid us from seeing each other? That worked out so well for them." She adds the last sentence with heavy sarcasm in her voice, pulling away enough to glance up at him to see his face.
They both let out a little laugh at the memory, standing here forehead to forehead now. His lips curved up into a grin, and an almost inaudible groan rumbles from him as he remembers everything that happened on that particular night well over a decade ago, ... closer to two decades ago actually. Shit, has it really been that long?
His eyes are shining with mischief, his mind assaulted with memories of her and him, clinging to and utterly lost in each other, skin on skin, making love more than once that night. A rebellious and oh-so-glorious 'Fuck you' to both James Knowles' and Gemma's plan to break them up and keep them apart.
"Yeah." He agrees at last, still smirking. "That didn't work out like they'd thought it would." His voice is a little more husky when he adds wistfully. "I loved the hell out of you that night." He bites his lips at the memory, and the longing it's beginning to stir up in him. "We barely slept."
"I remember," Tara answers, her voice low in a near whisper, with her cheeks tinting dark pink, her eyelashes fluttering bashfully, so unfitting for the moments they're both recalling. The way she gave herself to him that night, there had been nothing bashful or shy about it. The unsuccessful attempt to break them apart, had only brought them that much closer and even more determined to be together.
Then Tara returns his smirk with one of her own as she's gazing into his eyes. "Now picture both our rebellious teenage selves rolled into one single being, ... rolled into a hormonal teenage girl madly in love." She says with teasing in her voice now, so completely different than when they'd first started this conversation. "Still hoping for that girl, Teller?"
He nods his head first, because hell yes, he's still hoping for a girl, despite his next words of realization. "Shit, we'll be so fucked."
Jax lets her words sink in more, shaking his head at what their future might hold in store for them, but there's humor in his voice again too. "We might have to send her off to a nunnery someplace, or buy a chastity belt. Shit, ... probably both."
Tara laughs out loud at his ludicrous suggestions, for the first time her worries are forgotten and she's actually enjoying herself, so she's playing along. "A nunnery, and a chastity belt? That's your solution, really?"
But Jax just smiles when he adds almost as an afterthought. "It's not that crazy of an idea, ... hey, I bet they even sell that shit on Amazon, two days prime shipping and all."
At that, Tara can't help but laugh again, blushing a little more when she dares to wonder out loud. "Can you imagine if my Dad had gone to such lengths?"
"Wouldn't have mattered, Babe." Jax grins. "Ope and I would've busted you out of the nunnery, and as for a chastity belt, I knew how to pick a lock even back then." He chuckles, and Tara does too, and they both lean in for a sweet kiss while still smiling, pressing their lips together contently, relishing in the feeling.
But when they part, his big smile dims down to a more subtle one before he speaks, his voice sounding more serious again too. "All jokes aside though, Tara. I hate the thought of you not wanting a little girl because of SAMCRO's dealings with whores and porn stars. I need you to believe me that all that shit's really behind us. I won't let it touch our kids, ... not ever again. Not our boys, nor our girl."
Tara gives him a slight nod, a hesitant gesture that she believes him, or at the very least wants to believe him.
He brushes her long brown hair back once more, his hands stilling to frame her face, eyes studying her expression, trying to read in her eyes what she isn't saying out loud, trying to gauge the doubt that might still linger there. "Can't you see it, Babe? Because I can! I can see a little spitfire, with her mother's hazel-green eyes and dark brown hair, running circles around her big brothers and the two of us. Our own little girl, a miniature version of you, ... and you know I'll have no fucking choice than to spoil her rotten. The way I wish I would've spoiled her mother all along."
Once again his words hit her square in the chest, making her heart ache, but in a good way, slowly chipping away at the last pieces of doubt she's been carrying around about bringing a little girl into the mix, into this world of theirs. He is proving once more just how persuasive he can be when he turns up that infamous Teller charm.
The tip of her nose tingles, eyes watering with tears when she finally nods her head looking up at him, running her fingers along his bearded jawline. "Yeah, I can see it. I can see her, I can see you, the boys, - us - with her." She agrees with him, even though the girl she pictures in her mind's eye is the spitting image of him, not herself. This girl has her father's blue eyes and honey-blonde hair, just like Abel and Thomas. Just like the man she's looking at right this moment, and Tara loves it, even though her chin quivering with emotions and the tears starting to roll down her cheeks could make it seem otherwise.
"Babe?" Jax wipes at her tears, running the pads of his thumbs under her eyes repeatedly. "Please tell me those are happy tears, right?"
"Yeah, ... they are." Tara chokes out in agreement, leaning into him, and Jax leans in as well.
He's pressing his forehead to hers, his hands framing her neck, fingertips disappearing in her hair near her nape, slowly caressing the slightly raised flesh of her scar. He's no longer afraid to touch her there, and doesn't shy away from doing so anymore either. It's a battle scar, a fight that she's survived and has made her stronger in the end. That old saying has never been more true: What doesn't kill you makes you stronger!
He clears his throat, his voice full of sincerity and emotions when he says. "You're already an amazing mom to our boys, and you will be just as amazing with our little girl."
Tara shies away from his compliment, wiping at her face, and slightly shakes her head in embarrassment. And then a little awkward laugh escapes from her lips when she seems unable to keep the tears from coming again, before she curses in a high-pitched and emotionally charged voice. "I hate these damn pregnancy hormones."
Her words lighten the mood at once, and Jax lets out a carefree-sounding laugh, relieved that they've once again managed to successfully talk their way through this minefield of worry. Tara's joining him laughing too, while still wiping at her face herself, willing herself to stop crying at the same time.
But when their eyes finally meet again, Jax leans his forehead against hers once more, his fingers holding her face close, when he says earnestly. "Jesus Christ, Babe, after everything you and I have already been through, ..." He pauses and shakes his head at her. "This next chapter of our lives should be a piece of cake, don't you think?"
Tara swallows away the lump that has formed in her throat, yet glad the tears have finally stopped falling, and nods her head at him when she says. "Let's hope so."
Their eyes are locked on each other in thought for a quiet moment while neither of them speaks, and then they both seem to lean in at the same time, placing an innocent, yet lingering kiss on each other's lips.
They pull away, almost teasingly, just to lean in a split-second later for yet another kiss, and another, each one lasting a little longer than the one before. But it isn't until Tara lets out a content little sigh while wrapping her arms around his neck, and parts her lips mid-kiss that he can't stop himself from doing the same, and what started out sweet and innocent quickly turns into something heated and desperate instead.
He holds her still, angling her head just so, as to devour her mouth, and allows her to do the same to him. The kiss quickly turns more passionate with every passing second, and before too long, he slowly moves them both toward the kitchen table instead, lifting her up onto the edge and wedging her legs apart with his knees to press himself against her.
They're lost in the kiss and each other's embrace, their hands roaming like they haven't made love just last night. But then Jax pulls his lips away from hers just enough to speak. His voice sounds rough with lust, but the question he's voicing is clear of his intent. "Boys 're asleep?"
"Abel might not be." Tara breathily answers while she places several kisses against his bearded jaw. "He wasn't when I left their room."
That's really all Jax needs to hear to know they can't let this go too much further on the kitchen table. So without further ceremony, he scoops her into his arms and carries her into their bedroom, kicking the door closed behind them with his foot.
With his lips still brushing against hers in a fevered kiss, he lowers her back onto her feet, reaching out blindly for the doorknob, locking the door with a flick of his wrist, before he cages her in with his arms, and pins her against the hard wooden surface with his body. He grinds himself against her, taking his time to seduce her and loving the gasps that escape her lips when he begins to run his hands over her body, caressing every inch of her.
His lips leave hers to kiss along her jaw, then down to her neck, slowly and seductively. Their breathing is labored already, chest rising in rhythm, when Tara lets her hands fall from around his neck and impatiently reaches between them instead, for his belt to be exact, and starts to undo it.
"You in a hurry, Babe?" His smile is salacious when he teases her, he loves it when she leaves her cool and reserved front behind, and shows her true colors with him like this.
She has just managed to unbuckle his belt and starts working to undo his fly next, when she replies rather shamelessly with a breathy sounding, "Yes. Take off your clothes." She orders him with a grin, half laughing as she speaks. "C'mon, Jax, take them off. Now."
Jax throws his head back in a laugh at the order she's barked out at him. "Don't tell me what to do. This is the bedroom, I make the rules here." He replies laughing and smiling in obvious amusement, but then he's just grinning when his attention is quickly back at Tara's hasty working fingers that are tugging on his jeans and boxers now, leaving them to pool around his ankles moments later.
They're both all teasing smiles, breathy little laughs, and soul-consuming kisses, the need to be closer taking over all rational thought now that the door is locked behind them.
Contradicting his words he decides to help her hurry things along after all, steps out and kicks away his jeans and boxers, then pulls his own shirt over his head, once more loving the slow perusal Tara gives him from head to toe and back, her eyes sparkling with lust.
So he reaches out and pulls her shirt up and off of her as well, and they're both laughing when he reaches behind her and takes much longer than usual as he fumbles to unhook her bra, before it finally comes undone and falls to the ground beside them.
His eyes roam over her heaving chest in appreciation, like he hasn't seen her get dressed this morning, then leans in again to kiss her long and hard and all-consuming, before at last he starts undoing her jeans for her, kneeling down in front of her to tug the stretchy denim and black lacy panty down to her ankles and past her feet.
They both let out yet another laugh when she's finally freed of her pants, and practically jumps into his arms, nearly knocking him off balance as he stumbles around the discarded clothes on the ground, while she's wrapping her arms around his neck and her naked legs around his waist.
But Jax catches his balance, and slowly carries her over to the bed, and his breath is hot against her ear when he mumbles between kissing her neck. "I fucking love those pregnancy hormones."
But not for the first time he's hit with a sense of regret that he didn't get to enjoy her like this when she'd been pregnant with Thomas. He knows that it had been his own damn fault, pushing her away after Abel had been taken, and then his incarceration, but he wordlessly vows to never let anything get between them again, he never wants to miss out again with her. Never again!
He's brought out of his thoughts when Tara mumbles against his ear. "Love me."
X
The next day
Jax wraps his arm firmly around Tara, his hand on her waist, pulling her even closer into his side for warmth on the cold metal park bench they're seated on, watching Abel and Thomas run around the playground enjoying themselves.
Tara welcomes his embrace, snuggling into his side, while she has both her hands wrapped around her still-steaming cup of decaf. It's still much too hot to drink, but she likes how it warms her hands on this chilly and cloudy afternoon in February.
"I wish I had even half their energy." She says so quietly that it's almost a whisper, smiling as her eyes follow their every move around the playground, chasing each other up the slide, laughing and giggling, and having fun with other kids from the neighborhood.
"Yeah, me too." Jax agrees with a nod, daring to take a small sip from his own coffee in hopes it'll warm him up, also smiling as his eyes follow their sons as well.
They sit quietly for a little while, sipping away on their Starbucks, taking a much-needed break after having been busy all morning and early afternoon, and seem utterly content to just watch their boys play happily in the barely fifty-five-degree weather.
Right after breakfast, they've spent hours looking over online listings of homes for sale in the area, just to see what's out there and to get a better idea of what they're both looking for, along with the general price tag they might need to prepare themselves for. At last, they sent another email to the realtor, who came highly recommended by the Rogue River charter, with a more agreeable list of 'must-haves' for the future Teller home
Then true to his word, Jax rifled through all his belongings, including every single box he hadn't gotten around to unpacking yet, then followed through on packing away all the notebooks he'd at one point written to his sons, along with his remaining copy of JT's manuscript, the letters from Maureen too, amongst some other things that tied him to the Club. After he was done, he made plans to head over to Greg's place later this coming week, where he could throw it all in the fire pit in the backyard and get rid of it for good, so that his kids won't ever get their hands on it in the future.
The ringing of his cell phone is what brings both him and Tara back out of their reverie, and he hands her his cup so he can undo his jacket and dig it out of his pocket. Chibs' name flashes across the screen, and he looks over at Tara for a moment, raising his eyebrows in an unspoken question, contemplating whether or not he wants to take this call and possibly sour their otherwise perfect Sunday.
"You should take it. It might be important." Tara finally encourages him on the third ring. 'It might be about Gemma', is what she doesn't say, but he knows it's implied, so he simply nods his head, answers the call, and quickly raises the phone up to his ear.
"Chibs?" His one-word greeting, along with the tone in his voice leaves no doubt that he doesn't feel much like talking, but seems to get sucked into the conversation nonetheless.
Between the rustling of the trees surrounding them, and the rambunctious children playing not too far away, Tara can't hear what is being said on the other end of the line. All she does hear are Jax's mostly one-word curt responses, before he thanks Chibs at last for letting him know what's going on before ending the call and tucking his phone away again.
He takes his cup from her and wraps his arm around her again, pulling her further into him just like he had earlier after they'd just gotten here.
Without taking his eyes off of the boys, nor missing another beat, he starts explaining the gist of the phone call in short clipped sentences, clearly not wanting to delve too deep into the subject and rather wanting to continue the good day they've had so far. "They voted to wait her out for now, see if she'll try to cut a deal first. If she doesn't, they'll just leave her be."
Tara knows instantly who and what Jax is referring to without having to ask. Over the last week, they've found out that Gemma has in fact not been granted bail, and will remain in the custody of the state until the hearing, for which a date has not been set yet.
As Tara digests what he's just told her, she can't help but turn her head and look up at him, trying to meet his eyes, and even waits until he finally allows himself to look back at her, before she asks her only lingering question. "Do you think she'd try to cut a deal?"
"I don't think my Mom would ever turn rat." He replies sounding truthful, yet unmistakably somber, when he's slightly shaking his head at her and carries on. "But then again, I never thought she'd try to kill the only woman I've ever loved either."
They hold each other's gaze in silent contemplation for a long moment, before Jax can't help himself from wanting to reassure Tara verbally. "One way or another she'll get what she deserves. She won't ever get the chance to hurt you again, I promise."
Tara nods slightly, letting him know that she believes him, before they both turn their attention back to the kids up ahead, with Tara resting her head against his shoulder for comfort.
Jax finishes the last of his coffee which is cold by now, tossing his empty cup, along with Tara's, in the trash can a few feet beside their bench. The cheerful mood they'd been in seems to have vanished with the phone call, so trying to get back to that happy place, he wraps both his arms around Tara's waist and pulls her all the way onto his lap, taking her completely by surprise, along with everyone else at the park that hears her startled yelp.
"What are you doing?" She laughs out loud as he pulls her into him with all his strength, nuzzling his nose into the crook of her neck to further amuse her, loving the way she tries to squirm away from him.
"There are kids here, and other parents." She suddenly lowers her voice when she points out the obvious to him in a whisper. "They're all staring at us." She's blushing now, yet it's hard to tell considering her cheeks were already tinted pink from the cold temperature.
"So? ... Let 'em stare, Babe." He presses a kiss against her cheek with a loud smack of his lips, before he juts his chin in the direction of their baffled spectators, and whispers in her ear. "You know all those moms over there wish I'd pull them onto my lap so they could warm my dick in this fucking cold weather. And that one dad over there by the swings, ..." He juts his chin in the direction of the only other man on the playground with his kids, making sure to make eye contact with the guy when he adds. "That balding out-of-shape asshole has been checking you out ever since we got here, probably wishing he could get you to sit on his lap like he's goddamn Santa Claus, asking you if you've been a good girl this year."
"Oh, my God," Tara whispers, thoroughly embarrassed, yet against her better judgment also amused, clasping a hand over her mouth trying not to laugh, but also averting her eyes from their captive audience. "You're gonna make someone call the cops on us." She says, trying again to wiggle out of his tight embrace.
Jax groans at her movement against his groin, his voice another whisper in her ear for only her to hear, when he teases her. "Yeah, you might wanna stop grinding your ass against me like that, or we'll have a much bigger problem, if you know what I mean?"
They both can't help but laugh out loud at that, and Tara stops her fighting at once, finally sitting still and allowing him to hold her like this, despite the disapproving looks from several adults around.
"They're all just fucking jealous, Babe, ..." He whispers against the crook of her neck, causing a shiver to climb up her spine that has absolutely nothing to do with the cold weather. "... wishing they had someone so crazy in love with them, unable to keep their hands off of them even on a damn playground on a freezing Sunday afternoon."
He grins and nudges her cheek with the tip of his nose, so she finally turns her head enough to meet his eyes over her shoulder, and he loves the shy smile she gives him in return. Lost for a moment in each other, and their worries all but forgotten once again.
"Mooommy, Daaaaddddy." The boys screech as they run toward them, smiling and giggling, and wanting to join in on what they perceived from afar as the beginning of a game of some kind.
Both Abel and Thomas sound slightly out of breath when they reach them, and come to a sudden stop. Tara's holding out her arms and both the boys eagerly clasp onto her hands, along with anything else they can grasp with their little fingers to pull themselves up and onto her lap without another care in the world.
"Jesus Christ. You guys weigh a ton." Jax grunts out in mock discomfort at their combined weight, and the boys can't contain their amusement, squirming in Tara's arms in a fit of giggles at their father's faked distress.
X
Wendy scowls as she takes in the scene that's unfolding and playing out in front of her with a mixture of feelings she hasn't quite expected to still feel after all this time.
Earlier, unbeknownst to the happy couple that was currently in her line of view, she'd pulled up outside their apartment building, just in time to see Jax lean into the backseat of his truck, presumably to buckle up one of the boys, while Tara climbed into the passenger seat up front waiting for him.
Caught off guard to find them leaving the apartment together like this, and unsure what to do or how to approach them, she'd simply continued to drive on by at first. But she quickly pulled over onto the side of the road at the first possibility that presented itself and waited with bated breath, with her eyes glued onto Jax's truck in her rearview mirror to see which way they were going to go.
She wasn't sure why she crouched down a bit in her seat in hiding when their vehicle passed her just moments later, but she did, and then it took her a few seconds to decide whether or not to follow them, trying to fend off the sudden nervousness she felt now being so close.
It was just such an odd sight to see. Jax without the reaper on his back, in his truck with his family, instead of the back of his Harley by himself. It threw her for a moment, but in the end, curiosity won out over any lingering confusion or doubt, and with three cars in between, she followed them all the way to the park just a few measly blocks down the road from where they lived.
She carefully parked away from them, with the nose of her car pointed toward the playground, so that she could stay inside and try to remain inconspicuous while she watched them from afar until she decided what to do, and gathered the courage to do it.
But then her breath caught in her throat when she saw Abel climb out of the truck on his own, shaking his head and waving away Tara's outstretched hand to help, before he grabbed his little brother's hand and they both took off running toward the swings and slides together. She just couldn't believe how big he's gotten. It had been so long since she'd seen him, her sweet little boy.
She'd only passed by their apartment out of sheer curiosity, nothing more, than just wanting to see where they lived now. This stalker behavior wasn't intentional or planned at all. Her original plan had been to simply find a nearby motel, then call Jax, and get him to meet with her alone at first, for two reasons. One, she wasn't sure how Tara felt about her anymore after everything that had happened, and two, last time Jax had been beyond pissed when she'd gone straight to see Tara instead of talking to him first. She'd learned her lesson, and won't make that mistake again.
But now, as she watches the family she wishes she could have, with the ridiculously handsome man that still held her heart, she finds herself second-guessing her decision to come here today, because her heart suddenly hurts in a way it hasn't in years.
This trip north was supposed to be about doing the right thing and helping Tara's case against Gemma, and maybe, hopefully, Jax and Tara would be grateful enough to let her see her son again because of it.
But what Wendy didn't anticipate at all is the sudden sting of jealousy she feels so deeply at the sight in front of her. Even she can't believe the rush of feelings that seem to bombard her out of nowhere.
She's never known a normal life, therefore she's never really wished for one before either, until now.
As she's sitting here in the warmth of her car, watching Jax being 'it', and so carefree chase Tara and their boys around the playground with the brightest smiles on all of their faces, she finds herself craving just that. A normal life, a normal family, her, their son, and Jax. All that could've been, but hadn't been, staring her blatantly in the face right now.
And for a moment she finds herself being catapulted back in time, seated between Gemma and Mary at Donna's funeral, watching Jax choose Tara over her right in front of everyone, less than forty-eight hours after what she'd thought was their reconciliation. She'd felt utterly humiliated, a feeling she hadn't quite been accustomed to in her sober state, since being high usually made her oblivious to that sort of thing.
Wendy shakes her head to herself, willing away those unwelcome memories and feelings. She knows better now, she's smarter now to let her heart go back to that time and place. Knows that Jax doesn't feel, - hell, who was she kidding - has probably never felt the same way about her as he feels about his precious Tara.
Even after everything that Tara has done, had tried to do, she's still the one that holds his heart, and obviously can do no wrong in Jax's eyes. Because here he is now, happily embracing her, pulling her to the ground covered in what looks to be rubber mulch, laughing and teasing and kissing her while she's laughing along with him, yet trying to get away.
Wendy frowns even deeper when Abel and Thomas join in on the fun and begin to tickle Tara too, not allowing her to catch her breath nor get up off of the ground.
It pisses her off, because their behavior is ridiculous. Fucking outrages. This is a children's playground for Christ's sake, yet both of them are acting as if they are goddamn teenagers, who can't keep their hands off of each other, instead of thirty-somethings.
But if Wendy is being honest with herself, what she hates most of all about this, is the fact that she'd give just about anything to be in Tara's place, in Jax's arms, and it hurts knowing that she never will.
X
Author's Note: Please, leave me a few words. I'm curious to hear what you think. Thank you. xoxo, Skater