"He's still too young to make sense of it all. Give it at least another five years ... five years to recover from all the bad shit that's already happened, before we throw his little head and heart for another damn loop." Jax says as he sits down at the edge of the bed and bends at the waist, pushing one foot at a time into his steel-toed work boots while his eyes never leave Tara, still watching her as she's getting ready for work herself.
Tara closes the last button on her blouse before she takes a seat by her vanity and begins to slip on her shoes while giving Jax and this conversation her attention and meeting his eyes from just a few feet away now.
She lets out a deep sigh that pretty much confirms to him just how worked up and worried this whole subject matter still makes her. And it's clear now that last night's rather late yet passionate lovemaking session was undoubtedly memorable, but had also served as a way to distract herself from everything else for a moment, only to be plagued with it all in her dreams throughout the rest of the night.
"I'm just worried, Jax." She finally admits out loud what he could already read in her facial expressions and her tense body language ever since they've woken up today. "I honestly didn't think Abel would remember her saying that she's his Mom, or what I had told him afterward in the car. And now I'm just not sure how to handle it all, you know, he's growing up and I'm not sure if it's right to still keep the truth from him."
"You realize if you tell him now, he's gonna think you lied to him." Jax points out the obvious, his eyebrows raised to emphasize his point, even though she really didn't need him to point that out, she's already considered that herself.
"Yeah, I know," Tara replies, her chin quivering again when she tries her best not to start crying despite all the terrifying thoughts that are going through her head at this very moment. "But the way we brushed him off last night during dinner ..." She pauses, her voice high pitched, overwhelmed with guilt, and wipes a tear away that catches on her lower eyelashes before it can roll down her cheek.
"We didn't brush him off, Tara." Jax interrupts in protest, hurriedly finishing tying up his boots while his eyes are still on her. "We told both of them not to worry about Wendy, that she's just a friend, and that is the truth."
"Yeah, but if he's bringing her up again today, then it's obviously something he's not just going to forget so easily and we need to figure out how to handle it, Jax. We need to think of what to say to him." She exhales fast, fanning her face with her hands now to get her emotions back under control, once again cursing those damn pregnancy hormones for seeming to heighten everything she feels tenfold.
Jax gets up and takes the few steps over to her, reaching for both her hands and pulls her up to stand before he wraps his arms around her to comfort her. "For now, if he asks about Wendy again we'll continue to tell him she's just a friend, and when he's older, old enough to grasp the idea of marriage and divorce, birth mom and adoption and all of that, that's when we'll sit him down and tell him the whole goddamn truth. But not now, Babe. It's too much right now."
Tara pulls away enough to look up at him and meet his eyes. He shakes his head at her to further drive home his point, and also to stop her from further arguing before he goes on and surprises her with his confession when he adds. "Look, another thing to consider in all this is our expanding family. I mean, when my Mom had Thomas there were a lot of times that I was jealous as fuck of all the attention he got."
"But you loved your brother." Tara scoffs in disbelief, interrupting him.
"I did. Of course, I loved him, but that's beside the point. I just think it's a bad idea trying to explain to Abel that he's not yours biologically but someone else's, right before we break the news to him that we're having another baby too."
He takes a small step back to run his palm over her lower abdomen. "A new baby that's growing inside you, inside your tummy, like his brother Thomas did, but not like him ... trust me on this, on top of everything else, it'll fuck with his head even more."
Tara lets his words sink in for a long moment before she sighs and finally nods her head in agreement. She can't deny the fact that Jax is right about this. Abel is still so little, and even though he has already been through so much and has proven to be more resilient and stronger than anyone so young should have to be, this isn't something he should have to worry about just yet. Not right now anyways.
"Okay. You're right." Tara cedes her argument at last and leans in when Jax frames her face and gently kisses her.
X
The boys are sitting at the kitchen table, eating their breakfast and sipping away on their chocolate milk, talking amongst themselves while also drawing pictures in between bites, and to Tara's obvious relief neither one of them has mentioned the encounter with Wendy again, at least for now.
Because of that Tara's visibly more relaxed and smiling even when her eyes drift to the boys every now and then.
She has her iPad on the table in front of her, scrolling and swiping with one hand while sipping her coffee with the other.
"Anything good?" Jax asks, stepping up to the table with his own cup of coffee, glancing over her shoulder at her screen as he pulls his chair closer to sit right beside her.
She taps at the screen with her finger, opens another tab again, and slides the device closer in front of him. "I like this one." She says, raising her mug to her mouth with both her hands now, studying Jax's facial expression while he's focusing on the house listing she's just pulled up.
He slowly nods in agreement, but before he can say anything she's already leaning over, glancing at the screen and tapping on yet another tab to open. "And this one too." She says and waits once again for him to take it all in, the price, the detailed description, the pictures, and then the price again to gauge whether or not it's reasonable.
He nods once more when he's done, then finally looks over to meet her eyes. "We should check 'em out. Set up an appointment with the realtor." He takes a quick sip from his mug too, then adds. "The sooner the better."
"Okay." Tara agrees. "I'll call her later, see if she's free around lunchtime or maybe after work." She says, then finishes the last of her coffee and runs her fingers through Thomas' hair on her way to the kitchen sink.
"Since we're on the subject." Jax starts while he looks over the listings again for a second before he turns in his chair to look back at Tara. "I've been thinking, you know both our credit's good enough to get a pretty decent interest rate if we financed."
Tara turns around, leaning back against the kitchen counter, confusion on her face when she asks. "I thought we were gonna pay cash?"
"The interest on your student loans is higher than what the mortgage interest would be. It would make sense to pay those loans off first. That'll still leave us with enough cash to make a decent down payment on a place, then invest the rest or throw it at the mortgage as a lump sum later, once we've moved and settled in."
Tara can't keep the slight frown from showing, not really comfortable with the idea of Jax spending any more of his money on her bills from medical school, but before she can speak up Jax is on his feet and right in front of her. "It's smart, Tara, the numbers don't lie. In the long run, we'll save a ton in interest that way." He says, stepping in front of her, his hands rubbing up and down her arms in a soothing manner, before he grabs both her hands in his again.
Tara remains quiet though, clearly mulling the idea over in her head for a long moment, but too long for Jax's liking and so he speaks up again before she does. "Look, month to month right now, you're making more than I do. That's a fact, and it's something I've had to come to terms with once I stepped away from the Club. So if I can suck up my pride knowing you're making way more bank than I do, then you gotta be able to suck up your pride too. This whole what's-mine-is-yours thing, it goes both ways, Babe."
He sticks out his bottom lip in a fake pout, mimicking how she used to do it in hopes to amuse her before he smiles broadly at her and Tara can't help but crack a smile herself because of it.
"Fine." She huffs in response at last because she knows he's right and locks her hands behind his neck, loving the way how his arms wrap around her waist in response. "Whatever you think makes the most sense. But that means we should probably go to the bank first, see what our options are, and what paperwork we'll need to get that ball rolling. Maybe at lunch?"
"Lunch at the bank. It's a date." Jax agrees and leans down for a sweet but quick kiss against her lips.
"Also ..." He suddenly adds after pulling back from the kiss to meet her eyes all over again, a little grin already teasing at the corners of his lips. "With everything that's been going on I almost forgot to tell you that my probation is officially over and done with this coming Thursday."
"Really?" Tara asks in surprise.
Jax grins at her when he nods. "Yup, which means no more checking in with my P.O. every other week, no more random drug tests at the crack of dawn, and best of all I'm free and clear to leave Oregon without having to ask for a goddamn permission slip first."
"Finally," Tara replies smiling, sighing contently at his news, her fingers playfully caressing the hair on the nape of his neck.
But Jax continues, smiling. "And since our anniversary is coming up in a couple weeks, and it just so happens to fall on a Saturday, I thought maybe we could hire Mrs. Ellie to watch the boys? Take a little trip somewhere, just the two of us? You know, before all hell breaks loose with moving, ..."
He dares a glance over his shoulder at their sons, noting that neither of them seems to be paying Tara and him any mind at the moment, but he still leans in and whispers when he adds. "And before the newest Teller makes her debut. What do you think? You up for it?" He purposely leaves out the part about Gemma's upcoming trial that they'll also have to deal with, not wanting to sour the mood again when he's finally managed to get her truly smiling, and putting yesterday's Wendy drama behind them again.
"I'd like that." Tara's smile is downright contagious, there's a look of pure joy on her face for a moment when their weekend in the motel during the snowstorm comes to her mind. She likes the thought of having him all to herself with no interruptions again, especially on their anniversary, considering how their first one was anything but memorable.
"Yeah?" Jax asks, leaning down and kissing her again. His voice is breathy, almost sultry when he agrees. "Me too."
"Where did you have in mind?" She asks teasingly, her voice and the glint in her eyes full of suggestion when she bites her lip.
"I don't know." Jax raises his eyebrows at her flirting and smiles back at her clearly amused. "Maybe someplace by the coast? Crescent City? If it warms up we could take the bike up north, maybe check out Seattle for a day?"
"Hmm." Tara hums in contemplation, her fingers caressing the stubble along his jawline now when she can't help but smirk up at him. "I do miss being on the back of your Harley. But honestly, I'd be happy with just a nice comfy bed, decent room service, and get you all to myself!"
"Sounds perfect." He grins back at her in amusement and even though he really wants to do something a little more special for her for once, he still agrees without any sign of hesitation. "Whatever you want, Babe. I'm in."
His hands frame her face before his fingers disappear in her long brown hair, holding her in place when he kisses her and groans against her lips as the kiss deepens a moment later.
But then they're suddenly interrupted by loud giggles and over-exaggerated kissing noises coming from the other side of the room. Both turn their attention to Abel and Thomas at once, laughing out loud when they see the boys pucker their lips while kissing the air in an attempt to tease their parents.
"You're always kissing Mommy like this," Abel adds, clutching his empty plastic cup in both his grubby little hands and kissing it with overly puckered lips, mimicking them again. "Yesterday, and the day before yesterday, and probably tomorrow too."
"Yeah." Thomas agrees and mimics them as well, causing another chuckle to escape from Tara and Jax's lips. "You're always kissing my Mommy."
"Hey." Jax suddenly barks out in a faux protest, trying to sound serious and stern but isn't really pulling it off because his sons seem unaffected, still smiling and even still laughing when he says. "She's not just your Mommy, she's my wife, and I married her just so I can kiss her any time I damn well please."
The boys share a mischievous look before they climb off of their chairs at record speed, crayons falling to the linoleum floor in the process when they run toward their parents, only to wedge between them and wrap themselves around Tara's legs, staking a claim with outbursts of "Our Mommy" while still giggling and laughing out loud.
X
"So which one is this? How long have you two been hitched?" Greg asks while rifling through his tools without actually looking at Jax.
Jax's eyes are also trained on the task at hand, leaning over the engine compartment of the SUV they're both working on together. "It'll be our second."
"You've only been married two years?" There's surprise in his voice when he raises his eyebrows curiously while he actually meets Jax's eyes now. And there is no need for him to comment further and ask the actual question his surprised outburst is hinting at. If she was your high school sweetheart, why did you wait so long to marry her?
"Yeah." Jax nods in reply. "I know I'm an idiot." He adds in response to the unspoken question, eliciting another chuckle from his co-worker.
If he could only go back in time he wouldn't make the same mistakes again, he'd change everything! He'd marry her right out of high school, would never join SAMCRO, and would leave with her to move to San Diego. Everything in their life would've turned out so differently if he could only turn back time and do it all over again.
"Knew that the moment I met you," Greg adds teasingly, bringing Jax back from his inner musings and is rewarded with a half-hearted smirk and an eye-roll in return.
"She says she just wants to get a room someplace, lock ourselves away from the world for the weekend," Jax admits out loud, but he's not grinning this time like he did when Tara had mentioned it to him this morning.
"Sounds like my kind of woman." Greg jokes in reply, smirking, but when he catches the expression on Jax's face his grin disappears because he's confused.
He leans over the engine to get a little closer to him, and even though the usual noises of the busy garage drown their conversation out for anyone further away, he still chooses his words a little more carefully and lowers his voice when he asks. "Your old lady wants to spend your anniversary between the sheets, so ... what's the problem, man? I don't get it."
"Hell, I don't know." Jax exhales, lost in his own thoughts for a moment again, shaking his head to himself because he doesn't get it either why this is bothering him as much as it is.
Maybe it's because living away from the Club and Charming was supposed to be a lot easier than this for her, for them. Sure, they're not dodging bullets anymore, they aren't in a constant state of worry for their physical safety and they aren't missing out on time with each other anymore either. But the emotional toll that life takes is still there, their past seems to continue to haunt them, Wendy's visit yesterday just being a prime example of that, and he just wants something to be good for once, ... for her.
"Look, bro, if you got trouble getting it up, - performance anxiety or whatnot - they've got little blue pills for that now." Greg jokes, trying to lighten the mood again. "Nothing to be ashamed of, I've heard it happens to the best of them."
At that, Jax actually can't help himself but laugh out loud, shaking his head at the same time he's giving Greg the middle finger.
"Then talk." Greg suddenly orders after their chuckles die down, surprising Jax with how serious he sounds when he looks up to catch Jax's eyes. "I ain't no fucking mind reader."
Jax stops what he's doing for a moment, still meeting Greg's eyes across the engine of the car, the frustration about something evident on his face before he confesses. "Our first anniversary was ... it was shit. Our marriage ... we already weren't in a good place. We still made plans for a night out, but things with the Club came up like they always did and by the time I got home she was already asleep."
"Lemme guess. That got you in the doghouse?" Greg chimes in.
"No." Jax shakes his head, shame flickering in his eyes. "That's just it. She wasn't mad." He scoffs, leaning back down and maneuvering his forearm back into the crevice of the engine he'd been working on. "She wasn't pissed 'cause she expected I wouldn't make it home in time. Can't be mad or disappointed about something you didn't think would happen in the first place."
"Shit." Greg curses, not really sure what else to say.
"Yeah." Jax agrees. "And I know if you look at the big picture, that's nothing compared to all my other fuck-ups, but ... I don't know, Tara deserves better."
There's a short moment of silence between them, until Greg speaks up. "Hey." He wipes his hands on a rag, before tossing it over to Jax. "I could use a smoke. You?"
Moments later they find themselves in the back lot of the garage, Greg leaning against the chain link fence while Jax takes a seat on an old pair of tires. They quickly light up, before Greg gets right back to the conversation they'd had inside.
"So what you're saying is that you're trying to make up for those countless times you fucked up, and wanna make this anniversary special for her?" Greg asks, there's no teasing in his voice for once, sensing that Jax isn't much in a teasing mood today.
"Something like that." Jax mumbles, taking another drag from his cigarette, his eyes drifting across the lot while lost in his own thoughts again.
"I'm sure you'll think of something." Greg tries to reassure him, still sounding surprisingly earnest for a change, and moments later he starts spewing out ideas at him. "You could take her to Porter's right here in town." He rubs the pads of his thumb and forefinger together for a second when he explains. "It'll cost ya', that place ain't cheap, but really fancy, food's supposed to be really fucking good too. Good liquor too. Chicks dig that place."
Jax just nods at that, thinking it over, while Greg pauses just long enough to take another quick drag and then carries on. "Or since she just wants to get a room, you could at least get a really nice one with a view, someplace by the coast maybe. And make reservations at some fancy restaurant there, you know, ... talk to her friend that works with her to make sure your wife doesn't end up being on-call that weekend, line up the babysitter for the kids. Plan the whole thing yourself so she won't have to worry about nothing for a change. I'd even pack a bag for her without her knowing, totally surprise the shit out of her."
Jax looks up at him, nodding his head. "Yeah, I could do that. She'd probably like that."
"Probably?" Greg scoffs. "What's not to like, man? You fucked up last year's anniversary. You never actually took her on that date you were going to take her on because you had to go back to California that weekend, remember? So from the sounds of it, the last romantic night you and the Misses have had might've been your actual wedding night."
At that Jax can't help but scoff himself, throwing the stub from his cigarette on the cement before grinding it out with the heel of his boot. He exhales with a sigh as the memory of their wedding day comes back to him at once.
He'll never regret marrying her, even considering the circumstances, but for her, he regrets not following through on having a real wedding, a real celebration sometime after. But it just wasn't the right time, so it never happened, because too much had been going on with the Club, most eminently overshadowed by Opie's death. A celebration of any kind had been the last thing on everyone's mind at the time.
He shakes his head to himself as those days come back to him like it had been just yesterday, glad to have escaped it all at last, yet the guilt weighing heavily on his shoulders once more when he ruefully admits his failings as a husband. "Not exactly."
X
Four days later, early Thursday evening …
"What exactly are we burning?" Jason asks, then takes a sip from his beer while poking absentmindedly at the fire with one of the fireplace tools from inside, causing tiny pieces of orange embers to float through the air as a result.
Jax throws more of his things into the licking flames before his eyes meet Jason's across the backyard fire pit. "My legacy."
"Oh." Jason chuckles, taking Jax's answer as a joke. "That's all?"
But when Jax doesn't smile, it dawns on Jason that he's being serious. "Your legacy?" He asks when he eyes the remnants of the small notebooks that are burning away between them with more scrutiny before he looks questioningly back at Jax again.
Jax lets out a sigh and is just about to explain himself to Jason when his attention is diverted to the patio door opening behind him, his eyes landing on Greg stepping outside with a platter full of burger patties, some chicken breasts, and some hot dogs for the kids.
"Your girls just pulled up?" Greg interrupts their conversation as he's stepping up to the grill.
"Took 'em long enough," Jason replies, but then looks back at Jax who's throwing the last few journals he's held in his hands into the burning pit.
"You were saying?" Curiosity gets the better of him when he realizes Jax has no intentions anymore to elaborate.
"It's just some shit I wrote down for my boys when I was still ..." Jax starts to explain, his words die down but Jason is nodding in understanding even before Jax adds. "There's mentions of the Club in there, the Sons." He adds to clarify. "So I've decided to get rid of them all, most of it is way too heavy for them anyways, ... don't want them to relive my shit, or to get any ideas about following in my footsteps after I'm gone, you know?"
Jason nods. "Yeah, makes sense."
That's when the sliding patio door behind Jax opens once more, gaining their attention when Tara and Christy step outside to greet them with a "Hey."
"Hi." Jax smiles and kisses Tara in greeting when she steps into his arms. "Finally."
"Sorry, I'm late. The last surgery took longer than expected." Tara explains, though her words sound muffled when she burrows her face against Jax's chest for warmth for just a quick moment before she turns to greet Greg and Jason over her shoulder. "Hey, guys."
"Jesus, it's freezing. What are you doing out here?" She adds, but just as she finishes that sentence her eyes land on the still-burning contents of the fire pit and then snap back up to meet Jax's in silent understanding.
"It's all gone. As promised." He confirms in a low voice even though she didn't actually ask, places a kiss against the top of her head, and wraps his arms around her to warm her and himself up in the process.
"We're almost done out here. You, ladies, should get a drink, that'll warm you up. Claire makes a killer Margarita." Greg interrupts their moment when he speaks up.
Christy pulls away from Jason's arms and gives Tara a pointed look. Tara's eyes connect with Jax's, momentarily stumbling for the right words that won't cause suspicion and might reveal more than they're willing to share just yet. "Actually I can't." She looks from Jax back to Christy and then back over her shoulder at Greg when she starts to explain. "It's Jax's celebration, no more probation as of today so I told him he could drink and I'd be the designated driver tonight. Besides, I got another surgery lined up first thing tomorrow."
"And I'm two beers in already." Jax quickly adds to help Tara out before Greg can say anything else.
Christy gives Jason a curious look, a silent question as to which one of them will be the one driving home tonight, to which he answers with a nod. "Go ahead. Your day was undoubtedly rougher than mine."
"Thanks, hon," Christy replies with a quick kiss against Jason's lips. "I guess you can watch me get my drink on then," Christy says with a smirk and a wink at Tara, stepping away from Jason. "Either way it's too damn cold out here, even right by that fire pit." She tugs on Tara's arm to get the brunette to follow her back inside. "C'mon, let's have a little girl talk and warm up by the fireplace inside instead."
"They have a fireplace, huh? And they're actually using it." Jax teases Tara, hinting at their previous conversation about what they're looking for in their new home.
He's rewarded with a smirk from Tara in response when she presses one more quick kiss against his lips before she allows her friend to pull her away toward the house. She turns again to gesture with her hand toward the fire pit and says, "Hurry up though." before she follows Christy inside.
A few moments later Greg chimes in from his spot by the grill where he's been tending to the food. "Keep an eye on the meat for me for a sec, alright? I forgot the sliced cheese and need a clean platter."
"Sure," Jax says and steps over to the barbeque grill instead, waiting until Greg has also stepped inside and closed the back door behind him. He lights up a cigarette before he turns his attention back to Jason and surprises him by revealing the obvious out loud. "We haven't told anyone else yet."
"I figured." Jason answers simply, but then quickly amends it. "We figured."
Jax takes a long drag and glances at the back door again before he exhales and explains. "Tara's got this thing about waiting out the first trimester before telling everyone."
"You really don't need to explain, man," Jason replies, waving him off with a gesture of his hand. "I'm a doctor, ... a lot can happen in those first three months, I totally get it."
A moment later Jason dares a cautious glance at the door himself before he adds. "Gotta admit though that you guys already expecting kid number three got us finally thinking about setting a date."
"For your wedding?" Jax asks to confirm that he understood him right.
"Yeah." Jason nods. "Shit, … seems like we've been engaged forever, ... since med school, but have been too damn busy chasing after surgeries, you know, doing anything to further our careers, that we've kept putting it off again and again. But honestly, spending time with your boys, seeing what Tara and you have and how happy you are, it's got us thinking that it's time." He smirks, chuckling a little under his breath. "Now if we could only agree on how small or big we're doing this."
"She wants a big wedding?" The question slips out before he can think better of it. This subject seems to be haunting him these days.
At that thought he averts his eyes from Jason, his cigarette at the corner of his lip while he focuses his attention on the meat spread out on the grill in front of him, using the spatula to flip the burger patties and move the hot dogs to the side so they don't char.
"Yeah, she does ... well, kinda." Jason nods his head, shoving his hands awkwardly into the pockets of his jeans, a slightly embarrassed smile on his face when he admits. "I'd be perfectly fine with a courthouse wedding, just the parents, siblings, and closest friends. Maybe grab some food and drinks after. But she's saying we're only gonna do this once, you know? Well, at least that's the plan, to only do this once, so we're trying to work on a compromise right now."
Jax continues to smoke, nodding to himself in silent contemplation while he flicks the ash off of his cigarette and muses out loud. "Gotta say, Christy doesn't really strike me as one of those high-maintenance chicks."
"Oh, no. She's not." Jason agrees and adds to explain. "She doesn't wanna go all out either, but still way bigger than what I had in mind."
All of this talk is bringing forth his regrets about their own nuptials and upcoming anniversary once more, and he's not really sure why he can't help himself but confide in Jason a little when he recalls. "Tara was ready to get married all along, even though we never really got around to talking about how grand of a party we were gonna have. I was the one who kept holding off on setting a date, putting off making real plans. Telling her we should wait 'till things slow down, get better, you know ... but they never did."
Jax finally dares to lift his eyes and meet Jason's questioning stare head-on when he steps back toward the fire pit to throw his cigarette butt into the few remaining embers. "So, word to the wise, J, it's just one fucking day. Let her have it, ... let her have what she wants before it's years later and shit does slow down enough for you to finally realize she deserved better than what she got that day."
X
"Thomas is getting cranky," Jax says when he takes a seat next to Tara at the dining table again, draping his arm over the back of her chair while touching the screen on his phone with his other hand to check the time. 8:42 p.m.
Tara follows his gaze, noting the time as well and nodding at him in a silent understanding that it is getting late for their boys for a weeknight. "We should probably head out soon," Tara announces out loud to their friends. "Or the boys will be a pain getting up tomorrow morning."
"Whoa, hold up, we're celebrating here. One more, Tara, let your man have one more." Greg demands with a smile while holding up a finger to signal 'just one', even though he doesn't wait for her answer and is already out of his chair on his way to the kitchen to grab Jax another cold one.
Tara turns toward Jax whose lips twitch in a hint of a smirk, shrugging his shoulders innocently back at her when he mouths the words "Just one more." to her. How could she possibly say no to that face?
Then Jax grabs a hold of her chair without so much as a warning and pulls it flush against his so he barely has to lean in to suddenly kiss her, causing a blush to rise on her cheeks when everyone around the table lets out a hoot to tease them.
The smile that grows on her face is completely out of her control when they part from the kiss and Jax winks at her as he takes that first sip from the beer Greg has just put in front of him. And Tara finds herself suddenly overwhelmed with this intense sensation of utter bliss, feeling like nothing could ruin how stupidly happy she is right now, not even a set of overtired and cranky Teller boys.
"Also ..." Claire suddenly speaks up, interrupting their tender moment by demanding their attention again. "Didn't you say you guys put an offer down on a house? Did you get any pictures? I wanna see pictures."
"We did." Tara smiles in reply and looks over at Jax who's already pulling up the pictures from the listing he's saved, along with the ones they took themselves when they went to look at it Tuesday after work.
"Here," Jax says, passing the phone around and everyone takes turns swiping through the photos, commenting on what they like, and asking questions about the size and number of bedrooms.
At last, Jason hands the phone back to Jax, while Christy is the one who speaks up and asks. "So when will you know if you got it?"
"I'm not sure." Tara shrugs, but Jax answers before she can say more. "Our realtor told us that the guy selling it is hard up for cash, so ... hopefully that means he'll decide quickly."
Christy takes a sip of her margarita, clearly a little bit tipsy by now when she points a finger back at Jax's phone. "Wait, this isn't the one that you told me about that still needed some work done? It looks pretty much move-in ready."
"No." Tara shakes her head. "This isn't that one." She clarifies. "It's the one that's just a five-minute ride from our apartment, which would work out great since Mrs. Ellie will still be watching the boys for us. And it's also the nicer schools I wanted all along." She looks over to Claire. "I think it's the same schools this neighborhood falls under?"
"Is it Hoover Elementary?" Claire asks curiously. "Hedrick Middle, and North Medford High?"
Tara nods in agreement. "Yeah, so I'm really - really - hoping we get it."
She sighs and looks back at Jax for a second before turning her attention back to their friends. "The other one, the fixer-upper one I told you about, it's the same schools too, but a bit further from Mrs. Ellie's place. It's obviously cheaper because it still needs quite a bit of work."
"A shit ton of work we really don't wanna deal with." Jax chimes in between sips from his beer. "But I guess it's still an option if the other one falls through."
Soon after the conversation shifts from Jax and Tara's rather short-lived house-hunting adventures of the past three days to Jason and Christy's news about finally tying the knot this coming summer.
The girls are wondering out loud if and how the couple will be able to pull off a June wedding since it's already February now, while the guys don't seem to understand what could possibly be so hard about that.
Pick a date and place, send out invites, buy a dress, rent a tux, and order cake and food ... doesn't sound that hard to do in the span of three to four months.
Jax slowly sips the rest of his beer and pretends to follow along with Jason and Greg's conversation about sports, nodding in agreement to most of what they're saying when in reality his focus is on Tara right beside him.
Without being too obvious, he watches and listens to her and her friends discuss flower arrangements, color schemes, different styles of dresses, and what kind of cake Christy and Jason might get, amongst countless other little things. He can see how truly happy and excited Tara is for Christy, and it eats at him that she's never had that herself. He couldn't or rather hadn't given this to her and that thought hits him square in the chest, makes him feel like a real piece of shit.
Fuck, even eloping to Tahoe with Wendy had been more of a wedding than what Tara had gotten at that damn whorehouse, and yet she'd never complained. Not once in all this time.
'Can't be mad or disappointed about something you didn't think would happen in the first place.' His conversation with Greg from earlier this week comes to mind, and shame seems to clog his throat with emotions at the realization that Tara's so easily pleased and seemingly content by him doing the bare minimum because it's all she's ever gotten from him. The least is all she expects!
He can't help himself from wrapping his arm around her shoulders and tugging her closer as he leans in to whisper against her ear. "Do you even know how much I fucking love you?"
She's caught off guard by his out-of-the-blue declaration of love, smiling surprised up at him before she places a few quick little kisses against his lips and simply whispers back. "I love you too."
He's smirking at her reply, happy to have her right next to him, yet inwardly he's sad and reliving how he's let her down again and again. When did I turn into such a fucking pussy? Get your shit together!
X
Later at home.
Tara's still in the bathroom while Jax hurries to type out a quick text to Christy. 'Could really use your help surprising Tara for our anniversary. Any ideas?'
'No ideas off the top of my head, but we could meet to brainstorm. Still over a month to think of something ... kudos for planning ahead, Teller. PS. Don't forget about V day next week though. Can't go wrong with chocolates and flowers.' She replies much faster than he could.
He can hear the faucet turn off, so he hurries to reply. 'I'll reach out tomorrow. Thanks. PS. Obviously don't tell her.'
'Obviously ... duh!' Christy replies with an eye-roll emoji that brings a smile to his face before he clicks his screen and his volume off, and settles into bed to wait for Tara.
X
The following morning.
Jax's phone starts to ring, the sound echoing through the small kitchen as the device vibrates on the counter and he hurries over to pick it up.
He glances at the screen. 209 - he instantly recognizes the Stockton area code but not the number itself and for a moment he contemplates even answering it at all.
He's in a good mood. Tara's in a good mood. And despite getting to bed way past their bedtime last night, the boys seem to be in a good mood as well. So he's not sure if he wants to risk ruining that by answering the call and hearing the voice that'll be most likely on the other end of the line.
"Aren't you gonna get that?" Tara brings him out of his thoughts with her question, looking up at him from her seat at the kitchen table before she takes a small sip from her still-steaming mug of decaf.
"Yeah." He finally says, tapping the green button on the screen before raising the phone up to his ear to answer. "Yeah?" He pauses and listens before he replies. "Yes, this is him."
Jax continues to listen to the message from the person on the phone, and even though he's stepped up to the kitchen window and is avoiding her gaze right now, he can still feel Tara's eyes on him and how they're practically burning holes in his back.
"Okay. I'll have to check my calendar, and get back with you later ... yeah, okay, ... thanks." He finally says, his voice eerily calm and composed but there's an obvious edge to it that Tara didn't miss before he hangs up and turns back around to face her at last.
Tara glances at their sons for just a quick moment before she gets up from her seat to cross the small space that separates her from him. Worry is etched onto her face already when she takes in his scowl and asks the obvious out loud. "What's going on, Jax? Who was that?"
He sighs, tossing his phone back onto the kitchen counter beside him, and runs both his hands through his hair in frustration.
"That was Stockton County jail." He answers in a huff, the frown edging deeply into his features as well, and he's raising his eyebrows in disbelief when he adds. "Gemma wants to set up visitation."
"Visitation?" Tara repeats in surprise, her eyebrows raised to new heights, her forehead wrinkling with horizontal lines. "With you?"
"Yep." He answers, his voice clipped, shaking his head to himself at the audacity of his mother.
"Can she do that?" Tara asks, folding her arms in front of herself while she searches his face for more insight.
"She can request it. Whether I accept and go see her is up to me." He says on an exhale, and when he notices how Tara bites her bottom lip in worry, he suddenly turns his attention wholeheartedly back to her. He tries to reassure her with a small hint of a smile when he reaches out for her hands, running the pads of his thumbs across her knuckles to try and soothe her again before he amends his reply. "It's up to us. I won't go if you don't want me to." He sighs. "Hell, I'm not even sure if I want to."
Tara averts her eyes from him now and pulls one of her hands free from his to fiddle nervously with the silver feather pendant of her necklace while looking back over her shoulder at their boys as she tries to think this through.
She worries her plump bottom lip between her teeth in contemplation for a long moment before she finally meets his eyes again. Smiling gratefully that he waited for her to think it over, before she nods back at him. "Maybe you should ... go see her, I mean." She says at last, then shrugs her shoulders, but not really sounding convincing at all when she adds. "It might help ... you know, for closure, or ... something."
"Yeah." Jax nods, not convinced either if going to see his Mom is the right thing to do. "Maybe."
He pulls her into his arms and then places a comforting kiss against the top of her head before both of them shift their eyes and attention back to their boys still eating breakfast at the table. Watching them in silence for a little while longer, clinging to one another for reassurance and still lost in their thoughts. What's Gemma's angle? What could she have to gain from seeing him? What does she want now?
X
Author's Note: This chapter has tidbits of information that move the story forward as a whole but feels more like a filler/bridge chapter to me that's hinting at things to come. Please leave me a few words with your thoughts. I would love to hear them. Thanks.