The door hasn't even closed all the way behind him yet when Jax slows his steps to raise a cigarette up to his lips, cupping the flame of his lighter with his hand as he lights it within seconds of setting foot outside of Stockton County Jail.
He's closing his eyes for just a split second while taking a long first drag, thoroughly savoring the feel of the nicotine he's been craving for hours finally hitting his system. Then the moment passes when he exhales, and his steps pick up speed again as he digs his phone out of the pocket of his leather jacket next, while starting to make his way across the parking lot toward his Dyna.
His eyes are trained on the touch screen, finding Tara's name at once at the very top of his favorites list and he is just about to call her when an old familiar voice calling out for him draws his attention in a different direction instead.
"There you're, Jackie Boy, took ya' long enough." Chibs drawls out in his usual Scottish tongue, and to Jax's surprise, he isn't alone. Bobby and Tig are with him and all of them walk away from their Harleys instantly, stepping up to greet him one by one with a warm embrace.
Jax wraps his arms around each one, muttering the usual greetings they've done countless times before, and despite the turmoil he's still feeling inside after everything that has just gone down inside with Gemma, finding his former brothers waiting for him out here still manages to bring a small smile to his unshaven face, if only for just a brief moment.
Jax had reached out numerous times to his former band of brothers before coming here today, not just to give them a friendly heads up about the risk he was taking by coming at Gemma like this, but because he'd undoubtedly needed their help. Especially in case of that failsafe coming into play, it would've been the Sons reaching out to their connections to make that happen within the female county jail. But above all that, he'd strangely wanted their approval as well, and he'd be lying if he said that it didn't soothe some of his internal struggles to know they stood behind him in this.
"How did it go?" Bobby asks the question that hangs heavily in the air between the four bikers, especially considering that the look and vibe coming from Jax is anything other than victorious once his smile from moments ago has slipped off his face again.
A Club member, or former member as it may be, cooperating with the law like this isn't just a foreign concept, but is usually frowned upon, and that's putting it mildly. Patches over badges and all that. But during those previous conversations over the phone, it had been Bobby who'd reminded him that this wasn't the first time SAMCRO manipulated the law for their own gain, so they had no problem backing Jax's decision on the matter. "She tried to kill your old lady, it's your call. Do what you have to do, brother." - Bobby had said.
"It all worked out." Jax quickly nods his head as his eyes roam over his group of friends. "She never even saw me coming." He pauses to take another drag from his cigarette, then adds exhaling a cloud of smoke. "Sang like one of her fucking birds." His chosen words are meant to exude confidence, yet the way he delivers them leaves the opposite impression and it doesn't go unnoticed. The conflicting emotions have clawed their way back to the surface and the vile taste this encounter with his mother has left in his mouth is clear as day on his face.
"Ya' did what ya' had to do." Chibs chimes in with a reassuring squeeze to Jax's shoulder. "Don't beat ya'self up, kid."
Jax just nods, his brows furrowed, his eyes downcast, focusing his attention on the ashes he's flicking off of the tip of his cigarette.
"We all ... we've all loved her, Jax." Bobby quickly adds, his hand waving about the group of men. "There's no denying that Gemma's left her mark over the years, not just on the Club, on all of us, but ... but we're with you, and with Tara, on this. She's crossed a line she can't come back from." All of them agree with a nod.
Jax tries to swallow away the lump in his throat that has appeared out of nowhere. Bobby's words struck a chord with him. 'We've all loved her, Jax.' He inhales sharply at the onslaught of memories, the way he's loved and adored his mother for most of his life despite her flaws. God, isn't that the cold harsh truth!
"Let's have a drink." Tig pipes up a moment later with his suggestion. "You look like you could use one."
Jax contemplates that idea for just a moment as he savors the last drag from his cigarette to buy himself some time to answer.
On one hand, he could really fucking use a drink right now, along with the company of his friends, but on the other hand they are in Stockton and he knows without a doubt what location Tig got in mind, and he can't in good conscience justify going to Colette's place and possibly sharing said drink with her and her girls. Besides the fact that he's got no intentions of ever seeing her again, it would also lead to him either having to lie to Tara about where he went, or tell the truth and rip that barely healed wound wide open again, allowing the doubt in his fidelity to resurface.
Tara has proven to be incredibly strong regarding so many aspects of their relationship, and yet at this point in their life, she's so fragile what other women are concerned. And he knows he's wholeheartedly to blame for those insecurities, when he betrayed her, making her doubt his devotion to her, and making her think that he'd ever want anyone but her. So finding out he went to see Colette would just break her fucking heart all over again, and so it's a no-brainer that a drink isn't worth any of that old pain to rear its ugly head.
"Nah, man, I got a long ride ahead, need to head home." He shakes his head, trying to convey determination, letting the remaining stub of his smoke fall to the ground before grinding it into the pavement beneath his boots to extinguish what's left of the glimmering flame.
"Jackie. Jackie. Jackie." Chibs mutters his nickname while shaking his head at him, puffing away on his own cigarette before he wraps his arm around Jax's shoulder and pulls him closer with a hard tug. "One fuckin' drink ain't gonna hold ya' up?" He carries on and twists his head side to side in obvious exaggeration. "My neck's still stiff from all the head I hadda give Althea to get her help with all this." He adds, and gestures back at the jail behind Jax, alluding to Sheriff Althea Jarry's assistance with setting up Gemma.
"Bet your neck ain't the only thing that got stiff," Bobby interjects with a chuckle before Jax can even think of a reply, and all the men can't help but chuckle along in response, especially when Tig adds. "Yeah, it must've been really hard for you."
The laughter dies down again not long after, leaving Jax to look around the group of men for a silent filled moment, pausing as if he's giving it more thought, even though his mind is already made up. He's going home, back to his girl.
As if Chibs is a damn mind reader and has figured out what Jax's reluctance is all about, he speaks up before the younger man can turn them down for a second time. "Charming's hardly out of the way for ya'. Ya' should come an' hava look at the finished Clubhouse for ya'self."
Charming? The Clubhouse? Well, shit ... how could he turn them down now with Chibs practically catering to him like this? He can't.
Jax finds himself nodding before the words are even forming on his tongue. "Yeah, alright ... One drink." He adds for good measure and is met with approving nods and smiles, before he pulls his phone back out of his jacket where he'd stashed it again after he'd heard Chibs call out his name. "Just give me a sec." He holds up the device as if that is enough explanation in itself.
"Man, she's really got you pussy whipped." Tig points out in the same instant Jax raises the phone up to his ear, but the curly-haired biker is smirking and there's not a trace of malice in his voice when he just spoke. He's just teasing Jax, like they always used to way back when, just good-natured fun between old friends.
But even while Jax listens for the ringing to start and waits for Tara to pick up, he doesn't miss a beat and he quirked an eyebrow at Tig replying with a sly grin. "You wouldn't know what that's like, Tiggy, since your old lady doesn't have a pussy." Alluding to his ongoing relationship with Venus.
Everyone laughs, Tig grimaces for just a moment, but at last joins in chuckling himself, waiving off his friends. "Alright, alright ... don't knock it 'til you tried it, that's all I'm gonna say," Tig adds with a shy smirk, which leads to collective uncomfortable groans from the rest of the guys.
"Hey, Babe." Jax draws everyone's attention once more when he suddenly speaks into the phone, and they all grow quiet while getting ready to mount their bikes.
"Jax." Tara blurts out his name with a sigh on the other end of the line, relief to finally hear from him is evident in her voice. "Are you okay? How did it go?" She adds the questions just a split second later, eager to hear about the outcome of Jax's confrontation with Gemma.
"I'm good. Everything went well. She confessed to everything." Jax rattles out in one long breath, leaving his answer short and sweet, not really ready to hash all his feelings out right here and now over the phone.
And it seems it's enough to ease her worried mind, because he can hear her sigh in relief once more before she replies. "Thank God. I was so worried."
"Yeah. Me too." He admits as much, but still swallows down his deeper emotions for the time being. He can't get into it now, can't lose his cool, not now when she's not close enough to touch and hold and make it better. "Listen, the guys showed up, I'm gonna grab a quick drink with them back at the Clubhouse, and then I'll be on my way. Alright?"
"Yeah, okay." Tara swallows, wishing she was there with him to get a better read on him, but she knows she's got no choice but to wait until he gets home. And yet, she can't help it, can't bite her tongue out of worry for him, and simply has to ask again to reassure herself. "But you swear you're okay?"
Jax turns his back toward his audience, fixing his gaze on nothing in particular off in the distance somewhere while he reigns his emotions in once more for her benefit as much as his own. "I'll tell you everything when I get home, I promise." And he means it. He will tell her everything, but it has to be face to face, not like this ... not over the phone, it's just too much.
Tara hesitates for a moment, digesting his answer, or rather the lack thereof, but in the end, she decides to not press him further. "Okay." She sighs again, then pleads. "Text me when you leave, please. So I know you're on your way. I love you."
"I will. I love you too." He adds at last, before she tells him bye and he tells her he'll see her soon, and they end the call.
X
To say that the Clubhouse has been restored to its former glory would be an understatement, because it looks better somehow. Every room is fully furnished, the walls are decorated in photographs and Club or Harley memorabilia, and the kitchen and bar are fully stocked as well.
Jax is welcomed back into the fold as if he'd never left. Members, old ladies, and hangarounds greet him without any kind of reluctance one might've expected as someone who patched out and left as he had. But no, he is greeted with smiles and open arms.
And yet, ... for the first time since Jax put on that Prospect-Kutte all those many years ago, he doesn't feel at home here anymore, and he can't help but wonder what an odd revelation that is to have after all this time, after practically having grown up in here.
Has the last part of his heart truly let go of the legacy he once believed he'd been destined for? Has the choice to cut his mother out of his life for good somehow cut his remaining emotional ties with SAMCRO along with it? Jax wonders about that as he takes a sip from his Monster, hoping the energy drink will counteract the tiredness that washed over him after the beer he'd had right before.
It's getting late, he should head home soon, he thinks to himself just when the door to the Clubhouse opens and none other than Brooke walks in. Smiling at once when she sees him leaning against the bar, and causing his lips to stretch out in a genuine smile as well when she calls out his name in both surprise and greeting. "Jax?"
Jax puts his drink down and steps forward, wrapping his arms around her in a hug when he greets her as well. "How you doing, darlin'?"
He takes a step back so he can take her in, looking her in the eyes when he raises his eyebrows in question and asks. "What are you doing here? Thought your debt's been paid."
"It is." She replies, nodding and then smiling shyly when she adds. "I was just stopping by to see my boyfriend before I gotta head to work for my evening shift."
"Boyfriend?" Jax questions out loud and furrows his eyebrows once more when he follows her gaze across the room to land on Rat, who's just stepped out of the kitchen and notices her as well at the same moment.
Rat steps up and pulls her in for a quick embrace and a kiss, leaving Jax speechless and unsure of how to feel about the budding relationship between his former prospect and the girl he still considered a child, despite her age.
"When did this happen?" Jax can't help but ask, trying to sound upbeat and intrigued instead of unnerved, yet not sure he's pulling it off. His own worries are temporarily forgotten when his eyes shift back and forth between Rat and Brooke, taking in their interaction with each other. His mischievous grin and her love-struck expression.
They or mostly she explains that they've hung out every now and then over the last six months or so, but things didn't get serious between them until about two months ago.
Jax takes a step away to let Rat and Brooke talk amongst themselves for a moment, and overhears them making plans to see each other tomorrow before they kiss and part again, but then he volunteers to walk her back out to her car instead of Ratboy, under the disguise of wanting to 'catch up'.
He has his arm draped around her shoulder as they cross the Teller-Morrow lot toward her car that's parked near the gate, making more mindless small talk along the way about her Dad, his job for Oswald, and her job waitressing at Hanna's.
"I'm sorry about that whole thing with your Mom. I mean, I'm sorry for what she did to your wife." She says, catching him by surprise with her change of subject, even though it shouldn't have surprised him. Gemma's arrest had obviously made the local news and has been the talk of the town ever since.
"Yeah, me too." He admits how he wishes it had been anyone else. It would've been easier to digest than knowing your own mother tried to kill the love of your life.
"How is she? Tara? I mean, you left here so I guess you and her worked things out, right?" Brooke asks, stepping out of his arm and turning toward him when they reach her driver-side door.
"She's good. We're good." He answers her short and quick, not ready to delve deeper into everything that's gotten Tara and him to this state. "The boys too." He adds a second later before she has a chance to ask, giving her what he hopes will come across as a reassuring smile.
"Good." Brooke nods her head for a moment, pressing her lips together in contemplation before she adds. "Gemma never really said much about her, at least not in front of me, or ... you know, to me, but Lyla ... well, she said you and Tara are the real deal."
A shy smile crosses over her face, and even in the nearly fully settled dusk, he can see a blush rising on her cheeks and her eyes lighting up at her next words even as they are coming out scattered. "She said you ... you were high school sweethearts ... and I mean, I'm just out of school, and Rat's obviously older than you were then ... shit, I mean, ..." She stops, taking in a deep breath to gather her thoughts before she adds at last. "What I mean to say is that I want that. I hope Rat and I will have that ... What you and your wife have."
Jax nods and smiles for her benefit, even though every fiber of his being seems to be fighting him on that smile. He has the sudden urge to yell and scream at her to run like hell. Wants to tell her that while Rat's part of the Club they'll never have what Tara and he had. Correction, what Tara and he have. As a matter of fact, he'd bet his life that Tara and he would've never even happened had he already been part of the Club then, like Rat is now. Tara fell in love with him before the Club got to him and darkened his heart.
"Is he treating you okay? Are you happy?" Jax has no idea what possesses him to actually ask those questions out loud, but it's too late, it's done and he can see the surprise in her eyes when she registers the obvious concern in his voice. Shit!
"Yeah, he does." She replies without having to give it much thought, but despite her quick answer he still catches the flicker of a shadow that crosses her features for just a split second.
"But?" Once more he can't stop his mouth before his head catches up and supplies her with the word to bridge her thoughts.
She shakes her head just a little and pushes her hands into the back pockets of her jeans to keep from fidgeting, her eyes drifting back toward the little crowd, most of them girls, that is gathered around the new picnic tables in front of the Clubhouse door, and Jax can't help but follow her gaze too, taking in what she's taking in.
"Yeah, I mean ..." She shakes her head again. "There's no 'but', it's just some Club stuff that has me worried sometimes, you know, but it's none of my business, so ..." She shrugs her shoulders and Jax swallows the sickening feeling that's rising in his throat, because what is he supposed to say to that.
The Club always comes first, Brooke's lucky if she comes in second on Ratboy's list of priorities, and Jax knows this like he knows that the sun will rise in the east and set in the west. It's a fact!
"I love him, you know." She blurts out, bringing Jax back out of his own thoughts.
All he can do is nod back at her now in response because anything he could possibly say would only make shit worse, so instead he leans in once more a moment later and wraps his arms around her in a hug.
"You take care of yourself, darlin'." He mumbles against her ear, before he pulls back and catches her eyes once more just before she pulls open her door, gets in behind the wheel and he's left standing in the lot looking after her retrieving car.
Jax slowly makes his way back toward the Clubhouse, an unsettling feeling in the pit of his stomach that isn't so much about his encounter with Gemma anymore as it is about this run-in with Brooke.
He's the one who made the call to have her work off the damage she'd caused at Scoops by helping around the Club, and so he's got no one to blame but himself now that she's gotten pulled into the Club's orbit even after he left. He needs to get the hell out of here, before he'll say or do anything he might regret, because he hates this, hates himself even more for bringing her into this.
He lights a cigarette to calm his nerves as he steps inside, making his way over to the pool table where most of the Club members are gathered to announce his departure, then makes the rounds around the room to hug and bid farewell to several people, because who knows when or if he'll ever see them again, but at this moment he's not sure that he even still cares.
Bobby and Chibs follow him outside, the three of them exchanging small talk along the way, talking about hanging out again the next time Club Business brings them up to Rogue River.
The two older men stand right next to him while he zips up his jacket, pulls on his gloves, and then embraces him once more before he mounts his bike.
He's just about to start up the engine to let the bike roar to life when his eyes drift past his former brothers, landing on none other than Rat the same instant the youngest member pulls a blonde croweater into his arms.
Jax has seen similar scenes unfold around this lot more times than he could ever recall, yet when Rat and the young blonde start to kiss passionately and he slowly begins to pull her along into the shadows behind the back of the Clubhouse, something snaps inside him, something he didn't even know could snap, and he suddenly sees red.
"Motherfucker." Jax mutters more to himself than anyone in particular. He's off his bike at once and charging past both Bobby and Chibs with fury written all over his face, while both of them look at each other, still trying to figure out what the hell is happening.
"Jackie," Chibs calls following right after him, and so is Bobby when they realize what Jax saw just as Rat and the girl disappear around the corner and out of sight.
But even though they're right behind him, they still don't react quickly enough and what follows is a beatdown of epic proportions when Jax's fist continues to make contact with Rat's face, pummeling him until he's helplessly lying on the ground all the while ignoring the pleas from everyone around him to stop.
Jax's hits come hard and fast, taking the younger guy by complete surprise and leaving him utterly defenseless in the unexpected and in everyone's mind unprovoked attack. What finally saves him is when Chibs and Bobby, with the help of a couple of hangarounds, manage to pull Jax off of him and break up the one-sided fight at last.
Ratboy looks completely blindsided, muttering incoherent words in confusion, blood gushing from the split open lip and his nose that appears to be broken, while he looks up at Jax for an explanation that isn't coming. The girl Rat had been with has disappeared altogether and a larger crowd has gathered to watch the spectacle unfold instead, looking on with curious eyes as Chibs manages to pull and push a still-fuming Jax away toward the office, while Bobby ushers Rat back inside the Clubhouse to get him out of harm's way.
"What the fuck's the matter with ya', kid?" Chibs yells at Jax in outrage as soon as the office door falls shut behind them, shoving hard against his chest and pushing him further into the small room, clearly ready to get physical himself if it comes down to it.
"What the fuck's the matter with me?" Jax thumbs himself in the chest repeating the question while he meets Chibs' furious stare with one of his own. "What's the matter with you?" He yells back instead. "You're the VP for fuck's sake? You're letting Rat hook up with someone that's barely legal and ... unstable?"
"Barely legal?" Chibs asks incredulously in response. "That girl's twenty-something, Jackie. Plenty old to know what she's doing here." He adds to justify Rat's choice of entertainment for the evening, before he quickly addresses Jax's second concern when he adds. "She works at Red Woody, it's fair to say to work there you've gotta be at least a little unstable ... I mean, Jezus Christ, we're all a little unstable 'round here."
"I'm not talking about the damn croweater. I'm talking about the girl, I'm talking about Brooke." Jax blurts back in outrage, taking in the baffled expression that crosses Chibs' face before he carries on and adds. "She's bipolar, man, she's unstable ... and if that ain't reason enough, she's too fucking naive to get dragged into this shit. She's too young, ... for Christ's sake, Chibs, she's younger than Kerrianne"
Chibs eyes Jax for a long moment, his breaths evening out, he's growing quiet and calm himself now as he takes in the younger man's troubled demeanor, rubbing both hands over his scarred face before he takes a seat in the chair by the door. He nods his head at the office chair behind Jax, urging him to take a seat too. "Have a seat."
But Jax shakes his head, and takes a step forward instead. "I need to go. Tara's waiting for me."
"You ain't goin' nowhere worked up like this." Chibs gets up and steps in his way, blocking the door, reaching out for Jax, gripping him hard by both shoulders, and jostling him a little to gain his full attention. "What's tha matter with ya'? You're no good for Tara like this. Talk to me, brother. Sit." He demands again, his eyes pleading with Jax to listen to reason, and after a long moment, Jax finally nods in agreement and takes a seat as he's been asked to do.
Chibs lights up a cigarette, then pulls his chair a bit forward, to sit close enough to reach the ashtray near the edge of the desk and offers Jax a smoke as well, but he shakes his head no.
He instead begins to peel off the leather gloves he is still wearing. They're black so Rat's blood doesn't show in the dim lighting of the office, but when he puts them down they leave a red smear on the paperwork that's piled on the desk in front of him.
He takes a deep breath, clenching his right hand into a fist and then stretching his fingers out straight again a moment later, inspecting the damage on his knuckles, before he's finally pulling his own pack of cigarettes out of his pocket and is lighting up too now.
They don't speak for a moment as they savor the first taste and try to calm down, but then it's Chibs who breaks the silence when he clears his throat and searches Jax's face for a reaction when he simply says again. "Talk to me, kid. What happened out there?"
"Not sure what to say," Jax replies after a pregnant pause, searching the Scot's face in return, and he truly means it. He's really not sure what to say, not sure how to explain the turmoil that's raging inside his head right now that made him snap like this, when he can't even understand it himself.
Ever since he's left Charming his whole world's been turned upside down by one revelation after another. Gemma's physical attack on Tara behind his back that served as inspiration for Tara's faked miscarriage scheme, Gemma's involvement in JT's death, and last but not least the realization that it had been Gemma herself who had tried to kill Tara in such a vicious and brutal manner, just to name a few.
"You're not a member of this Club anymore, Jax. You left us." Chibs points out the obvious before he adds. "Anyone else, any other man coming at a brother like you just did, at the Clubhouse of all places, he'd be paying vera fuckin' dearly by now. The only goddamn reason you're sitting here with me instead of getting your ass handed to ya' by the Club is 'cause we fuckin' love ya'. We still love ya'. We'll always love ya'."
"I know," Jax replies, nodding in acknowledgment at the leniency that's obviously being granted toward him merely on the fact that he still matters to them, whether a Reaper is adorning his back or not.
Silence fills the air once more between them, but this time it's Jax who speaks up first, nodding his head and gesturing with his hand in the direction of the Clubhouse. "You should probably go check on him, pretty sure I broke his nose."
Chibs takes a drag while shaking his head and dismissing his suggestion. "They know where to find me."
"Right." Jax agrees, focusing on the red and slightly bloody knuckles of his right hand. He quiets down again while Chibs stares at him in a wordless challenge to speak, and after another silent-filled couple of minutes, it seems to have the desired effect. "I lied." Jax simply states out loud, his eyes meeting Chibs' confused expression.
"Gemma?" Chibs asks, then quickly adds. "What? She ... she didn't confess?" He wonders out loud if that's what Jax is talking about, and if that's why he's so worked up, but Jax shakes his head 'no' once more.
"No, she did. DA's gonna offer a plea deal. Unser said she'd be stupid not to take it." He clarifies about what went down with his mother, before he looks back up and holds Chibs' still imploring eyes. "I lied about Tara, ... about what happened once I moved up north with her." He adds to clarify.
"What are ya' talkin' 'bout?" Chibs chimes in more confused now than he'd been before.
Jax lets out a humorless chuckle at the sad memories that bombard him now, shaking his head to himself, fidgeting with his wedding band when he starts to explain. "When I showed up at her door she was not happy to see me at all. She'd thought I was never gonna leave here, thought I was still sleeping with Colette. She'd pretty much given up on me, on us, and she'd made peace with it. But somehow ... somehow I convinced her to give me another shot, you know, let us work on it, try to work it out. Had me sleeping on the goddamn couch for months, but honestly ... I didn't complain because I could see the damage I'd done, and saw how much I'd hurt her. I hadn't just broken her heart, I broke her. And just when I thought we made it through the worst, ... and we were healing, working it out, and getting better, her memories of that night came back. She sat outside a police station for hours, crying, not knowing what to do with what she now remembered. While I was at home worried out of my fucking mind, not knowing where she was, why she wasn't answering her phone ... I was so fucking scared, man. I thought maybe Juice had gotten to her, you know."
"Jezus Christ." Chibs exhales, shaking his head, yet leaning forward a moment later and laying a heavy hand on Jax's shoulder to comfort him. "Why'd you lie though? You coulda told us."
"I don't know." Jax shakes his head at first, before he carries on to admit the ugly truth just a moment later. "I guess I was embarrassed."
"Embarrassed?" Chibs quirks his eyebrows at him in confusion.
"Leaving the Club for someone who didn't want me anymore." He explained.
"Ah." Chibs simply nods at that. "Yeah, I get that. We would've told ya' to get your ass back here."
"Exactly," Jax replies. "But my whole world wasn't here anymore, isn't here anymore."
Chibs eyes him warily for a long moment again, studying him as if he's trying to figure something out before he asks at last. "Is that what's eatin' at ya'? You're still angry for what ya' put Tara through, so you decide to redirect that hate at Rat 'cause you think he's gonna do the same to Brooke, is that it?"
"Maybe, ... yeah." Jax agrees, yet shakes his head this time in contradiction. "I don't know."
"So ... how are things now? Did you and the Doc work it all out?" Chibs wonders out loud next.
"Yeah." Jax nods this time when he agrees and carries on to explain. "It wasn't easy, and ... hell, I'm not sure what I did to deserve her, ... but she did forgive me. I'm tellin' you, man, Tara deserves to be granted sainthood for all the shit this Club, my Mom and I have put her through. I swear she's the strongest fucking person I've ever known."
He shakes his head at Chibs and raises his eyebrows when he adds a moment later. "But Brooke ... she's not cut out for this. Rat needs to steer clear, leave her be."
"That's personal, Jackie, doesn't concern the Club. Not our place to judge, or get involved. You know that." Chibs explains the unwritten rule amongst the members.
"It will concern the Club when shit goes south between them, she goes off her meds and loses it." Jax tries to justify his concern regarding their relationship.
"Yeah, maybe it will, but until that happens I've got no right to tell him to cut her loose any more than him telling me to leave Althea," Chibs explains again, hoping Jax can understand his reasoning too.
But before Jax can say anything else Chibs clears his throat, sits up a little straighter, and speaks up first. "Since we're sharing, there's been something I've not told ya' yet."
Jax furrows his eyebrows in curiosity as he waits for Chibs to continue, instinctively bracing himself for more bad news. "What?"
"Fi and I got divorced," Chibs confesses. "A few months back, actually."
"Really?" Jax can't believe it. "Now, after all this time?"
"I still love her, and I probably always will. But ... but for the first time in a very long time, I feel something more for someone else." His lips stretch into a content little smile. "And I knew I did not wanna lose that again."
"Althea?" Jax questions out loud even though he's sure that is who Chibs is talking about.
"Yeah." Chibs nods, but then shakes his head a moment later as he tries to think of how to explain their relationship to Jax. "She's not perfect, and Christ knows neither am I, but together we're ... well, we're still not perfect, but we're betta ... she makes me wanna do betta, be betta for her."
"I don't know what to say." Jax looks perplexed. "I didn't realize it got that serious between you two."
"We've already had some ups and downs, but yeah, things have calmed down around here now, so ... she doesn't know it yet, but I am gonna marry her." Chibs chuckles to himself and raises a new cigarette to his lips to light it.
Jax can't help but chuckle along with him when he muses. "Not gonna take no for an answer, huh?"
"She'll say yes," Chibs replies reassuringly, smirking. "I can be very persuasive."
But then Chibs suddenly reaches out, taking Jax by surprise when he cups his jaw in a way Gemma used to do, his facial expression growing very serious again. "We both have someone to love, someone who loves us back. It's time to stop worrying about a past we cannot change, ... and look ahead instead, try to be happy for a change. Yeah?"
"Yeah." Jax nods his head in agreement. He couldn't argue with that.
X
Jax pulls into a parking spot, puts the kickstand down, and dismounts his bike a moment later, but then remains glued to the spot as he takes in the old familiar place and finds himself assaulted with a wave of nostalgia. For a moment he can't help but think back on the countless times he used to sit right here on his bike, waiting for Tara's shift to end so he could take her home. All of that seems like a lifetime ago now.
When he steps inside, Jax swears Hanna's diner looks like a scene right out of one of those Hallmark movies Tara likes to watch, with waitresses rushing about, and patrons laughing and talking and eating. It's practically oozing with idyllic small-town charm, but Jax knows the inner workings of Charming enough to know it's anything but what the town name might suggest.
He knows that Brooke has already seen him, looking obviously surprised to find him here, but instead of approaching her, he decides to look for Hanna herself first.
He quickly explains why he's here, that he just needs a couple minutes of Brooke's time, reassuring Hanna that Brooke isn't in any kind of trouble when she voices her concern. And so less than five minutes later he finds himself standing outside in the scarcely lit back alley behind the diner, face to face with a thoroughly confused Brooke when the right words suddenly seem to evade him.
But Brooke's questioning eyes are what finally bring him back to why he's here. Why he decided to make one last pit stop before heading back home to his wife and kids. "My wife used to work here when we were kids." He starts, then nods his head toward the old bench along the building that has seen better days. "We'd sit right there when I'd stop by on her break."
"I didn't know that," Brooke replies, giving the bench a lingering look, trying to picture a younger version of Jax with the girl he loved sitting there.
"Her Mom died in a car crash when she was a kid too?" He explains further, and he can see the shocked expression that crosses over Brooke's face now as she takes it all in.
Jax flicks the ash off of his cigarette, then raises his eyes again to meet hers when he elaborates in more detail. "Tara was nine when some drunk asshole ran a red light, and t-boned her Mom's car at fifty miles an hour. She died on impact, at least it was quick, ... the drunk fuck died too." Jax swallows, then raises the cigarette back to his lips to take a drag.
"I don't understand." She shrugs her shoulders at him, searching his face for an answer. "Why are you telling me this? Why are you here?"
Jax slowly exhales a cloud of smoke before he answers her. "I think I'm here because you kinda remind me of her, ... and I can't just stand by and watch you get hurt."
"Get hurt?" She repeats in surprise. "What do you mean? Who's going to hurt me?"
Jax swipes a hand over his face, trying to think of the right words to use to say this. "Look, the Club and Rat ... that life he lives isn't right for just anyone. It wasn't right for Tara, I mean, that is why I left. And I'm not your old man, I know I can't tell you what to do, or who to see, but ... earlier you told me that you love him."
"I do." She interjects.
"Well, I know it's probably not what you wanna hear, but the truth is that how you feel about him doesn't mean shit unless he feels the same way about you too. You get me?"
"Are you saying he doesn't love me?" Brooke asks the obvious out loud, trying to understand what Jax seems to be implying.
"I honestly don't know how he feels about you. Maybe he loves you, or maybe he doesn't. All I'm saying is that before you dive in head first into this thing, you should talk to him, tell him how you feel, tell him what you want from him and out of a relationship with him, and if he doesn't want the same as you, if he doesn't feel the same, then you shouldn't waste another minute on something that's got no future. Look, I'm not trying to break you up. Just ... promise me you'll talk to him. Promise me you'll look out for yourself, and protect yourself. Alright, darlin'? Can you promise me that?"
Brooke lets out a shuddering breath before she nods her head at him at last and agrees. "Yeah, okay. I promise."
X
Jax mounts his bike, his eyes lingering on Brooke tending to her customers while he quickly fixes the helmet on his head. Hoping she'll heed his advice and protect herself. Protect her heart!
He pulls out his phone, averting his eyes at last when he types out a text to Tara: 'Finally getting on the road. Can't wait to be home. Give the boys a goodnight kiss from me. Don't wait up. I love you!'
He pulls on his gloves and clear riding glasses, and with one last look back at Brooke he starts up the bike and pulls out of the parking lot and onto the road.
He can't go back and change the way he'd hurt Tara in the past, no matter how much he wishes that he could. But just maybe his talk with Brooke will save at least one girl from a similar fate and stop history from repeating itself.
Those are the thoughts that are running through Jax's mind as he heads out of town, eager now to heed Chibs' advice about leaving the past in the past and focusing on the future instead, focusing on being happy. And with Gemma locked away for the foreseeable future, it can only get better from here on out.
X
Author's Note: Just like the previous chapter this one's also centered around Jax and his thoughts and feelings. I hope you liked it. Please leave me a comment if you can. Thank you.