Chapter 25: I'm not leaving you behind
My legs feel like jelly and my lungs are on fire, but I can't stop. Not when Deku's life hangs in the balance. Every labored breath he takes against my neck is a reminder of how much he's depending on me. Deku's limp body weighs on my back like a sack of bricks, his shallow breaths tickling my ear, each one more ragged and labored than the last. Sweat pours down my face, stinging my eyes, but I grit my teeth and press on.
Exhaustion seeps into my bones and my muscles scream in protest with every movement, arms trembling from the strain of supporting Deku's dead weight for hours on end. My head pounds from dehydration and exhaustion. But I have no choice. I have to keep going, to push through the pain and fatigue.
When I first woke up this morning, though I can't recall exactly when exhaustion finally overcame me and my eyes fell shut, I knew I had to make a difficult choice. After checking Deku's vitals and finding his fever high but not yet life-threatening, I decided we needed to move on, to keep pushing forward no matter the cost. The tent and Deku's bag would have to stay behind - I couldn't manage to carry everything, not with Deku on my back and my own strength waning.
So I gathered up the critical supplies - the scrolls we nearly died for and the medicine that might just save Deku's life - and stuffed them into my own bag. Slinging the bag around to my front, I gingerly hoisted Deku onto my back, my heart leaping into my throat at the soft groan of pain that escaped his lips. "Deku?" I called out, desperately hoping for a response, but only silence greeted me.
Gritting my teeth against the stabbing pain in my badly sprained leg, I set off, Deku's dead weight bearing down on me, my own pack feeling like an anchor trying to drag me into the earth with each grueling step. Sharp stabs of pain shoot through my trembling forearms every time I adjust my grip or shift Deku's position.
The sun beats down mercilessly as I trudge through the dense forest, my footsteps heavy and labored. The bottles clink together with each lurching step. Damn it! How did I let this happen? I should have protected him. Should have been there. But I won't fail him now. On putting one foot in front of the other, no matter how much it hurts, no matter how far I have to go. I'll get him there. I have to. Failure is not an option when it comes to saving Deku. So I grit my teeth, readjust my grip, and keep moving forward. One step at a time.
Everything looks the same - an endless expanse of trees and dirt and blue, cloudless sky. I have to squint to keep my vision from blurring, to keep from stumbling over the rocks and roots that litter the ground. It'd be so easy to just...stop. To sink to my knees and close my eyes and let the exhaustion finally claim me. But every time I'm tempted, every time my legs threaten to buckle, I feel Deku stir faintly against my back, reminding me why I'm doing this, why I can't give up.
I can't remember the last time I slept soundly in my own bed. Was it two days ago? Three? Time blurs together, measured only by the rhythm of my footfalls and Deku's shallow breathing. I know Deku has been sleeping a lot, his body trying to marshal its defenses and fight off the infection that threatens to consume him. But sleep alone won't be enough to save him now. He needs medical attention.
A flutter of movement catches my eye and I look up to see a small flock of birds swooping by overhead, veering off to the left. Narrowing my eyes, I alter course to follow them, hoping against hope they're headed somewhere with water. As if in answer to my silent prayers, I soon spot patches of green stubbornly clinging to the bases of the trees, lush grasses rippling in the gentle breeze.
The sweet sound of trickling water reaches my ears and my pace quickens, a new surge of energy flooding my veins. Thank God. My heart threatens to leap out as the faint gurgling grows louder.
At last, the stream comes into view, crystal clear waters shimmering invitingly in the dappled sunlight. My knees nearly buckle in sheer relief, the tension flooding out of my body. Deku lets out a pained hiss as I lower him to rest against the sturdy trunk of a nearby tree, trying my best to be gentle despite my own injuries and fatigue. He lets out a weak groan, his face pale and slick with sweat, contorted in pain even in his unconscious state.
Glancing up, I spot the cliff looming in the distance and realize with a sinking feeling that we haven't made it very far from where we started. Our detour around the cliff has cost us an entire day of travel and maybe, just maybe, it has cost Deku his life.
I can't help but berate myself, knowing we should have just climbed down the cliff face as Aizawa Sensei had instructed us to do. But no, I just had to become the "considerate" fool and insist on taking the longer route, putting Deku's comfort above the urgency of our situation. A whole lot good that it did.
I should have just carried him down with the help of that rope, pride be damned. Sure, the journey would have been painful for him, but at least he'd still be coherent and responsive, not hovering on the brink of death like he is now. Every time I look over at Deku's ashen, lifeless face, it feels like a vice grip is squeezing my heart, constricting tighter and tighter.
The weight of my choices sits heavy on my shoulders as I wonder how things could have played out differently if I had just abandoned my ego a little sooner, if I had kept a closer eye on Deku's deteriorating condition, if I had given different orders. But it's too late for what-ifs now.
A pained moan escaped Deku's cracked lips as his eyelids fluttered open. Those hazy green eyes stared at me in confusion. He opened his mouth as if to speak, but all that came out was a dry, rasping croak.
"Don't try to talk, idiot," I snapped, bringing my water bottle to his cracked lips. I tilted it carefully, helping him take a few small sips before he turned his head away, spent. He made another wheezing attempt at speech, but quickly gave up, his head lolling weakly against the tree trunk.
"The great Midoriya Izuku silenced? I never thought I'd see the day." I quipped, trying for my usual mocking tone. But my laughter sounded forced even to my own ears, unable to fully mask the dread settling in my gut. He shoots me a half-hearted glare, green eyes glazed with pain and confusion.
"Where...are we?" The question is faint, his gaze darting around in feverish bewilderment. I jerk my chin toward the rushing stream a few meters away. "Below the cliff, near the stream."
He furrows his brow, processing my words sluggishly. "How? When?" I roll my eyes. "Nuh-uh. I answered your question already, now you answer mine. Can you keep it down?" I wave a small bottle of Actortium extract in front of his face. He nods wearily, apparently lacking the strength for further argument.
He raised a shaky hand for the bottle, but I batted it away impatiently and brought it to his mouth myself. He managed a couple small sips before grimacing and refusing more. Worry knotted my stomach. He needed fluids badly, but I couldn't risk him throwing it all back up. I'd have to keep trying in small doses.
"Kacchan," Deku said hoarsely after a moment, "how did we get here?" I sigh heavily.
"I carried you, moron. How else?" His eyes widen, shimmering with sudden tears. Oh great, here come the waterworks.
"Why?... why didn't you just leave me?" Deku sobs, hiding his face in trembling hands. "I have become such a burden." White-hot rage flares in my chest.
"I AM NOT LEAVING YOU BEHIND, DAMN IT" The words rip from my throat, echoing through the trees. "How many times do I have to repeat before it sinks into that head of yours, Huh?" He gapes at me, tears streaming down pale cheeks.
Taking a steadying breath, I flick his head and level him with a hard stare. "You might be a burden, but don't you ever fucking say I'm not strong enough to carry your sorry ass. I'm going to be the number one hero, and I'll never leave a man behind. Not even a useless nerd like you. Got it?"
A weak, wobbly smile tugs at his mouth and he nods. He swips a hand across his face and looks up at me, a ghost of a smile touching his wan features. God, I was so desperate to see that smile. And for a moment, despite the direness of it all, I let myself believe that stubborn smile meant we would somehow make it through this. That things would go back to normal.
"Kacchan..." he croaked before doubling over in a violent coughing fit that wracked his skinny frame.
"You need something warm to drink. Normally I'd make you some soup but we're in the middle of fucking nowhere so hot water will have to do."
I rummaged through my pack and pulled out my metal water bottle, using my quirk to carefully heat the liquid inside until it was steaming. "Here, drink this. Slowly," I commanded, pressing the bottle to Deku's mouth. He took a few tentative sips, the hot water soothing his raw throat.
"Thanks Kacchan," he croaked out, voice a bit stronger now. "I think I can walk on my own, you don't need to keep carrying me."
"Shut the fuck up. No one asked for your opinion. I'm not letting you slow us down even more. And YOU will follow MY command. Remember?"
Deku nodded meekly, a small smile on his stupid freckled face. Damn him and his smiles, trying to act like everything was fine when I could see the pain and fever wearing him down. It made my chest feel weird and tight.
"Good. Now hold still while I check your wound," I reached for the makeshift bandage around his torso but he jerked away.
"No" he shouted, or he tried to, horrified. "No, wait! Please Kacchan, I'm so tired... I don't want you poking at it again. The pain finally came to a bearable level. Can't we just rest a bit longer first? Please?" His green eyes were round and pleading. Damn those puppy eyes.
I wanted to argue, to force him to let me clean the festering injury, but something in his expression made me pause. The little twerp looked so miserable and exhausted, I didn't have the heart to cause him more discomfort. At least not right this second.
"Tch, Fine. We'll take a short break," I relented with an eye roll. "But you better not fucking die on me, you hear?"
"I'll do my best," Deku replied wryly. I plopped down beside him with a huff and pulled out an apple from my bag. He shook his head when I offered it to him, his face tinged with a sickly green, so I took a large, annoyed bite myself. The nerd needed to eat to keep his strength up but I knew his stomach probably couldn't handle much right now.
After a few minutes of tense silence, Deku's hoarse voice broke through the stillness. "Kacchan...where's my bag?" I pretended not to hear him, turning my head to study the gnarled trees around us. But he persisted, weakly grasping my arm. "Kacchan...my bag. Where is it?"
I sighed heavily. "Itwastooheavy," I mumbled under my breath.
"What?" Deku asked, his voice strained.
"It was too damn heavy, okay?" I snapped, my voice rising. "I couldn't lug around my pack, your useless body, AND your bag. I had to ditch it."
Deku sucked in a sharp breath, his eyes widening in shock. We stared each other down for a long moment, the tension palpable.
And then, to my utter disbelief, Deku started to get up, his face contorted in pain. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" I barked, jumping up to push him back down. But he batted my hands away, wobbling unsteadily.
"I need...my bag," he panted, his face twisted in pain, his chest heaving with exertion.
"No you fucking don't!" I yelled. "I have everything we need right here." Gesturing to my own pack. "What's so damn important that you're willing to kill yourself over it?" It's not like he had any valuables or even his precious hero analysis notebooks anyway.
"You wouldn't understand," Deku insisted, his voice cracking with emotion. "I need my bag. Just leave me alone." He swayed dangerously, his knees buckling. I grabbed his arm to steady him, my temper flaring.
"Yeah? Try me," I seethed. "Tell you what, I looked in your precious bag, Deku. There was nothing important in there. So what are you hiding, huh?" I roared, my frustration boiling over.
Tears started streaming down Deku's face as he gripped the front of my shirt with a strength I didn't know he still possessed. "I want my lucky charm, my All Might figurine, you jerk!" he shouted, his voice raw with anguish.
"Are you serious right now? You're telling me a dumb action figure is more important than completing our assignment? Than your dream?"
"YES!" Deku screamed, his voice cracking. "It's more than just a toy! It's a reminder...a symbol of our friendship."