Slight spoiler: There's a scene in this chapter that I had to cut short to align with guidelines. The full scene is on AO3 for anyone interested, but you won't be missing out on anything story-wise here.

Revelation

Normandy, 2185, October 3rd 1:51 PM

"Wait," Miranda says as she stops typing to give me a slightly irritated glance. "You want me to stop my work, which is important, just so I can follow you around Nos Astra... to shop?"

"Well, not when you put it like that." I flash a grin, reaching across the desk to lightly touch her hand. "I just thought it'd be nice to do something fun together. We never do anything outside of the ship."

Miranda moves her hand, her expression turning more serious. "We're here to work, not have fun."

"Work?" I raise an eyebrow playfully. "Is that what we're calling it?"

She sighs, leaning back in her chair. "Why don't you invite someone else? You're friends with Kasumi, aren't you?"

I shrug. "Is it so bad that I want to spend time with you?"

"Vex," she rubs her temples. "Just because we agreed to engage in casual sex doesn't mean we have to spend time together."

"All right." Damn. Well, it was worth a shot. "I'll let you work."

Waving a quick goodbye, I turn for the door. I understand where she's coming from. The mission is dangerous and we need to stay on top of things. I can be serious, but I can't help but want some fun in my life too. I'd hate to die on this mission without enjoying it at least a little. That just sounds depressing.

Illium, 2185, October 3rd 2:24 PM

Gateway Personal Defense. Not a bad store, a few cool things, but nothing I'm too interested in. I might as well check out some of the other weapon stores around Nos Astra. There's probably hundreds of them.

Besides, the attendant is taking longer than I'd like to prepare the scram pulsar. I lean against the kiosk with a sigh. I guess I can people watch. Though, aside from the usual gossiping asari, there's not much besides a krogan reciting poetry nearby. It's all very tame.

As a door behind me opens, I glance over my shoulder to see Miranda. I quickly straighten up as she scans the area, her eyes eventually landing on me. She bee-lines over, and I can't help but smile at the fact I got her to leave the ship.

"What changed your mind?" I ask once she's in earshot.

She stops in front of me, a thoughtful look on her face. "It occurred to me that we never do anything outside the ship."

I never thought I'd see the day when Miranda decides to have fun. "And your work?"

"Consider it research for potential inventory," she suggests. "You're a bad influence."

"Me?" I put a hand over my heart. "Never."

"Your order is ready," the attendant announces from behind me, handing me the box. I offer a quick thank you.

"Your scram pulsar?" Miranda inquires as I turn back to her.

I nod. "Yeah. It's an upgrade for my Mantis' mass effect field generator."

She smiles at me. "It's nice to see you're passionate about something. Assigning you to the armoury was a good idea."

"It's a hobby of mine." I shrug, slipping the scram pulsar in my pocket. "If you get a microfield pulsar for your Shuriken, it'll increase the velocity."

With an amused look, she rests her hand on her hip. "I might have to request one."

"I'm sure it'll get approved." I don't see her getting denied resources. "Anyway, let's get going." Stepping away from the kiosk, I lead the way towards the skycab terminal at the far end of the docks.

Miranda follows behind me. "Where are we going?"

"Further into the city," I explain, accessing the terminal. "It's where all the good stores are."

She doesn't question me further as I call the skycab. I'm not sure how long she plans to hang around, but I hope she enjoys herself while she's here.

Illium, 2185, October 3rd 3:13 PM

Sitting on the edge of a clothing display, I watch as Miranda shifts through dresses. We stumbled upon a human owned clothing store. It's not a big place, I imagine the one's outside of Sol aren't that popular.

I idly swing my legs back and forth, looking around the store. There's a lot here that's not my style, but I do find the Blasto shirts by the scarves to be pretty funny. At least Miranda seems to be enjoying herself.

"These look nice," Miranda comments, tracing her fingers over the scarves.

"I don't think anyone wears stuff like this anymore," I remark. "It's all uncomfortable spacer suits. The pants are the worst part."

She glances over her shoulder. "You wear this style of clothing."

"Because it's comfortable, unlike spacer pants." No idea how colonists and the sort put up with it.

"I see." Miranda gives a subtle smile before she returns her attention to the scarves.

Despite this place being boring, she was patient when we went to the stores I liked, the least I can do is the same for her. Besides, you don't get many chances to see the serious Cerberus operative, Miranda Lawson, outside of work. She'll never admit it, but I think she's having fun.

A dark blue scarf, cobalt I think, catches my eye. It would look good on her, she has the eyes for it. Not really sure why she'd wear a scarf, but I want to see if I'm right.

Pushing off the display, I approach her. She notices and turns to me, an unsure expression on her face. What am I doing? This feels really awkward all of a sudden.

Oh, fuck it. "Here." I select the scarf, it's silk apparently, and drape it over her head, gently settling it around her neck. I can't help but notice her subtle hesitation, like she thinks I'm going to strangle her or something. Carefully, I wrap it around her neck before stepping back. Yeah, it does look good, it brings out her eyes. "This one suits you."

"Really?" She arches an eyebrow.

"Yeah," I agree, then pick a Blasto shirt from the rack, holding it up in front of me. "What about this for me?"

She pauses, eyeing the shirt before removing the scarf. "It's perfect for you."

I grin at her. "I guess hanars are my style then."

Miranda shakes her head and returns the scarf before walking to another section of the store, leaving me holding the Blasto shirt. Well, damn. I quickly put the shirt back and follow after her.

Illium, 2185, October 3rd 4:38 PM

As we make our way back to the ship, I can't help but feel a little disappointed. I had fun this afternoon, but maybe I shouldn't have. I can't let my guard down around her-I can't trust her, she'll always pick Cerberus in the end.

I wonder if that's why she really came out here today. It doesn't make sense that she would pick me over them. No, there has to be a reason. Maybe The Illusive Man needed her to watch me.

"What was it like living on Omega?" Miranda asks, pulling me from my thoughts.

Glancing at her as we walk down the loud, neon-flooded street, I shrug. "Pretty shit."

"Although I agree that Omega is a pisshole, there must have been something that kept you there. You lived there for a long time." That's a bit harsh, but she's right.

"Well, I didn't really have a choice at first." I would have gone literally anywhere else, starting out on Omega was rough.

"And then?" Miranda urges as we reach a railing overlooking some of the city.

"And then a lot of people wanted other people dead." I roll my eyes, leaning against the railing.

She goes quiet as she looks out over the buildings. I guess she's dissatisfied with my answer. I don't know what she expected me to say. That's how it went, it's what I needed to do.

It wasn't even that bad. The money was good, I had freedom to do what I pleased, Aria likes me so she let me into her VIP club and events. I was given a huge apartment, rent and utility free. But, it wasn't worth it without Nulan.

"Do you regret any of it?" Miranda's question catches me off guard and I look over to see her eyes on me.

Regret? Does she regret the people she's killed? I doubt it. "No."

She nods, not breaking eye contact. "Then why do you want a second chance?"

I-what? I want a second chance because I want to do better, not because I regret what I've done. I never wanted those people dead. I just did what I was asked, what I was paid to do. People like Aria, they're the ones that can have regrets.

It's not like the targets were innocent people anyway, I'm almost certain. I don't know why most of them were targeted, but I didn't need to. I learned all about them and once it was over, I forgot they ever existed.

When did I become so detached? Was I always this cold? No, I can't think like that. I didn't want them dead. It's just a job. If I didn't do it, someone else would have. I'm not responsible, I'm a tool. It wasn't my choice.

A sudden warmth on my forearm causes me to flinch. Looking down, I see Miranda's hand resting on my arm, her thumb gently brushing my skin.

"Are you okay?" Her voice is softer than usual, laced with genuine concern.

Pulling my arm away, I take a step back. "I'm fine."

She studies me for a moment. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah." I force a smile. "You should head back, I have to meet Jack soon."

Miranda pauses, her brows furrowing. "Okay," she finally says. "Have a good night, Vex."

I nod. "You too."

She sighs and walks past me, heading in the direction we came from, a wave of relief washes over me. Being around her was beginning to be too much. I just need to relax. Maybe I can convince Jack to meet up sooner.

Illium, 2185, October 3rd 5:24 PM

"I can't believe you dragged me out so early," Jack grumbles as we head up the stairs to Eternity.

"You didn't exactly put up much of a fight once I said I'd pay for the night." It was the fastest way I could convince her, but I probably would have done it anyway.

Inside, the bar is exactly as I remembered. Very grey with an elegant design, it's what you'd expect from a hotel bar. But, who cares about all that? Tonight is about having fun.

"I wasn't expecting it to be this stuck up," Jack comments.

"We're just here for drinks," I assure her as we pass a table of people mesmerised by an asari dancer. "We can go somewhere else after."

She doesn't argue, and we take our seats at the bar. There's only one bartender tonight and I happen to recognise her from the last time I was here. I think her name is Aethyta.

After a few seconds, the bartender notices us. "Welcome to Eternity," she greets, her face lighting up when she sees me. "Oh, I remember you. What can I get you?"

Well, that's surprising. I was hoping she wouldn't recognize me. I'm going to have to play it cool. "Two of your strongest drinks, thanks."

"Coming right up." Aethyta places two glasses on the bartop before pouring a glowing blue liquid into them. "Anything else?"

I shake my head. "No, thanks though."

Aethyta nods and leaves us to go handle other customers.

Jack picks up her drink. "You really have been here before."

"Of course." A few times actually, only once when Aethyta was here, so no idea how she recognised me. I remember finding her interesting, she's not like other asari matriarchs, they're usually uptight.

Jack holds her glass to her lips, eyeing me. "And you agree to pay for all my drinks?"

"Yeah." I wave a hand. "That's the deal, go nuts."

"Oh, I plan on it. I hope you're loaded." Jack empties her glass in seconds, setting it down with a satisfied sigh.

I can already feel my credits draining. "Something like that." I hold up a hand to grab Aethyta's attention again. "Can you leave the bottle please?"

"Certainly." She places it in front of Jack and glances at me. "By the way. I heard about your friend. Amissra V'Laris, was it? I'm sorry for your loss."

Oh, right. She was an asari target of mine the last time I came to Nos Astra. I heard she frequented this bar and came here for information. Made it a hell of a lot easier to find her. "Thank you. It was such a shock."

"Did you ever find her before she was killed?" Aethyta watches me intently, a curious glint in her eye. I can't tell if she's on to me or what, but better safe than sorry. Time to sell it.

"No, actually." My eyes start to tear up. "It's my biggest regret." I wipe my eyes. "Telling her family was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I just keep thinking about what would have happened if I found her that night."

Aethyta's expression softens, and she reaches out to put her hand on mine. "Sorry to hear that. Don't worry about the drinks, they're on the house."

As much as I hate to admit it, I can't let her do that. "No, it's all right. I want her life to be celebrated. So, in honour of Amissra." I pause, standing to turn to the rest of the bar. "All drinks are on me!" The bar erupts into cheers, and I sit back down with a shrug. "Until I leave anyway."

"It seems like you were a good friend," Aethyta smiles. "All right, I'll open your tab. Let me know if you need anything."

Jack watches Aethyta walk off before smirking at me. "You're so full of shit."

"Yeah," I agree, picking up the bottle and glasses. "And it's going to cost me a fuck load of credits."

We head for an empty table. Once seated, I put everything down so Jack can pour herself another drink.

"To Amissra!" Jack cheers, holding up her now full glass.

I roll my eyes, but smile anyway, raising my glass too. "To Amissra!"

Illium, 2185, October 4th 1:42 AM

It's all a blur, the clubs, the people, the drinks. The lights are blinding, but I don't really care as I lose myself in the music. Jack's into it too, I swear I even saw her on a table at one point. She can definitely hold her alcohol better than me.

There are so many bodies on the dance floor, the air thick with sweat and heat. Not that I really care right now. I'm just lost in a sea of blue and purple faces, with other colours occasionally sprinkled in.

Among the crowd, there's one woman, a human, who stands out. An attractive brunette with a sun-kissed complexion and chocolate eyes. She's been eyeing me for a while now, and I can't help but wonder why.

As if responding to my thoughts, she starts making her way towards me. Gracefully, she glides across the dance floor, making her way through the mass of people.

Once she reaches me, she doesn't say a word. Instead, she starts to dance with me. I can hear Jack cheering as the mystery woman grinds against me. I'm glad to see I have Jack's support, I guess.

She turns her back to me, and I run my hands down the side of her tight green dress. Her ass presses against me, her body moving in sync with mine. I know where this is going, I wasn't looking for it, but it's nice nonetheless.

It doesn't take long before we leave the dance floor, now making out, pressed against a wall. There's a flavour to her, familiar, yet I can't place it right now.

A few minutes pass before she pulls me outside and hails a skycab. Maybe I should go let Jack know that I'm lea-or not since she's kissing me again. I'm not sure where she's taking me, I don't think I care, I just really want to get there.

The skycab shows up and we both enter. She rattles off an address and immediately pulls me back into her, bringing her lips to mine. Her hand grazes the hem of my shirt and I hesitate for a second. A moment of uncertainty that's quickly replaced with desire.

The ride to her place is a haze, and soon we're entering her apartment. I kick my shoes off, not wanting them to be in the way. She takes my hand, guiding me to her bedroom.

Illium, 2185, October 4th 3:03 AM

What the fuck was that? No, no, this can't be happening. Why did I think of Miranda? Why her? I can't-I just need to think. Guilt begins to creep in and I have a sudden urge to get out of here.

Suddenly, I sit up, pushing the random woman off me. She stands, a mix of shock and irritation on her face. Scanning the floor for anything that belongs to me, I find my pants by the bed and quickly pull them on.

"What are you doing?" the woman demands.

Ignoring her, I search for my bra. Screw it, it's not worth it. I head for the door, but she grabs my arm. I shake her off, stumbling toward the door to collect my shirt off the floor.

Rushing out of the bedroom, I throw the shirt over my head. I need to get out of here. Grabbing my shoes, I hear the woman yelling insults from the bedroom, complaining about how much of an asshole I am for not getting her off. I shut the door behind me, blocking out the noise.

In the hallway, I struggle to put on my shoes. Lucky for me, no one's come out to investigate the yelling. But where am I supposed to go now? I can't go back to the ship. I don't think I could face her right now. I just feel so guilty, which I know is stupid, but I can't help it.

Stepping into the elevator, I release a heavy sigh. I'm attracted to her, that much is obvious. But-but what if it's more than that? I don't know, I shouldn't worry about it now. It's probably just some passing infatuation or something.

As I step out of the building, I open my omni-tool and send a quick message to Riley, letting her know that I'm not coming back to the ship tonight. Now, I just need to find a hotel.

Illium, 2185, October 4th 7:04 AM

Again? Why do I always get calls when I'm sleeping? With a groan. I squint at the screen, feeling the start of pounding in my head. Riley? Great, now I have to answer it. It might be serious.

"Yeah?" I mutter, my voice rough with sleep.

"What happened to you? You sound horrible," Riley asks, a hint of concern in her voice.

"Nothing, what's up?" Please just say what you want to say and hang up.

"I got a tip from Liara on where I might be able to find one of the recruits." I hope she doesn't want me to come.

"Oh yeah?" I sigh, squeezing my eyes shut. "Which one?"

"Samara, the Justicar," Riley reveals. "I'm going to the local police station to talk to her."

"Police station? That's not really my scene, plus I feel kind of sick." Hopefully, she just leaves me alone to die here.

"It's called a hangover, Vex. You should be quite adept in those by now." Really funny.

"Ha ha." I rub my forehead, slowly sitting up.

"I was just checking on you anyway," Riley explains. "You don't need to come with me. Just stay safe."

"I will." Thank God. "Later, Riles."

"Bye." She hangs up, finally.

Glancing around the room, I can confirm that drunk me has good taste in hotels. I just have no idea where I am. But, now that I'm up, I'd rather go back to sleep in my own bed.

Plus, I tend to think about things while I'm trying to sleep and I'm avoiding that right now. I'll head back to the ship, maybe find Jack and make sure she made it back safely, and then I can sleep off this hangover.

Leaving the hotel, I step out onto the unfamiliar streets. After about twenty minutes of wandering around, I pause, recognising the small clothing store I went to yesterday... with Miranda.

Shaking my head, I enter the store. This is probably a terrible idea.

Illium, 2185, October 4th 8:12 AM

Exiting the skycab at the docks, I'm now tired enough to just fall asleep immediately when my head hits the pillow. I glance up at the Normandy, feeling relieved to finally be back, despite everything.

With a sigh, I step aboard the ship. Turning into the CIC, I see... Miranda. Why is she here instead of in her office? Okay, I can't panic. There's only one thing I can do now.

Taking a deep breath, I pick up my pace and make a beeline for the elevator, hoping she won't notice me.

But of course, she does. Her eyes lock onto mine as she starts to move in my direction. I can't do this.

"Sorry, I can't stop and talk," I blurt out as I pass her. "Busy."

She stops mid-step, her expression shifting to one of confusion. I smile apologetically, quickly skirting around her, before darting into the elevator.

I press the button for the crew deck, keeping my gaze fixed on the floor. I can feel her eyes on me as the door closes between us. I feel like such a shitty person.

As soon as the doors open, I go directly to Miranda's office, breaking in again. Reaching into my pocket, I pull out a small, flat, white box. Placing it on her desk, I can't help but linger for a moment. It meant something. I'm not entirely sure what, but it did

Letting out a sigh, I leave the room.

Thank you for reading.