AN : / As a story is reaching its, here is a new one. I hope you will like it.
…..
Present time
She was waiting... Just one minute left... One single minute, and maybe... maybe this time it would be different.
This time, everything would be different. Nothing will interfere, no one will interfere.
This time, it will be her, just her, nothing would matter more than what was about to come.
This time, she will be the only one in control.
This time, there will not be any drama, not a single tear, no lawyers, no courtroom.
This time it would be different, and yet the same.
….
Once upon a lifetime, she was in love with her. She was her everything, her world, her home. She had made her, her whole universe.
Being with her was the only thing she wanted. She was in love with her. Completely, totally, crazily in love with her.
After break ups, reconciliations and a lot of love, everything changed.
There was a heartbeat and little Sofia lightened their world.
And she loved her more than she ever thought she could love anyone. She loved the woman who had given her a daughter even more.
The dreams she never knew she had, were coming true. After a car crash, a wedding and a lot of love, a plane fell out of the sky, promises were broken and everything changed.
She said it herself, she had made a mistake, she had screwed everything up, she had broken everything, she had torn her family apart. After a miscarriage, cheating and an attempted reunion and couple therapy, everything ended.
The new times were about divorce, avoidance, sad looks, anger, and relief.
The new times were also about Sofia, and coparenting.
They were also about feeling free, dating, and thriving from being apart and diving into a fellowship discovering a new specialty, and trying to survive without her being there.
And then a new person came in the pictures. A new woman for a better life. She was younger than her, she was smiley and confident.
And after winning a grant, a rushed decision, a lack of communication and a dirty battle for custody, a judge had said it loud and clear :
« I have listened to all the testimonies and looked at all the evidence in this case under submission, and after careful consideration, my ruling is as follows : I hereby grant sole custody of Sofia Robbin Sloan Torres to Dr Calliope Torres. »
Everything went black.
From her side Callie was crying with tears of joy, kissing her girlfriend, hugging friends and her lawyer while she was almost dying inside.
She needed to get out, now, get away from everything. She had lost her brother, her best friend, Mark, Lexie. She had lost the love of her life, their baby, and now she was losing her only reason to wake up every morning.
She needed to get away. Her lawyer tried to make her stay and tried to open the discussion for visitation rights with the opposition….with her ex-wife who was so happy right now.
But it was too much for her.
She managed to walk down the hallway, staggering. She rushed to the toilets and managed to reach it just in time before throwing up all she had in her stomach and more. She closed the door behind her, flushed the toilet and let her body collapse against the white cold floor tiles.
She didn't feel anything, she was empty, there was nothing more to take from her.
She was not even able to cry or to show any kind of emotion, she was numb, her mind was blank.
She didn't know how long she had stayed there, 30 minutes, 2 hours? Or more...
She was lying on the floor looking at the ceiling, trying to do something, but neither her body or her mind was able to do anything, she couldn't move.
It was Alex who found her. He had been worried not to have any news from her after Callie was back at the hospital, gushing about her new life in New York, and how it was going to be amazing.
He figured his friend was on her own at her place or in a bar getting drunk. But he saw her car still parked near the courthouse and that's how he had found her.
After a few days spent on her own, not ready to face the world, not ready to talk to anybody, she had received a voice mail from Miranda Bailey asking her to be back at work ASAP because she had a bunch of pregnant worried mothers who were counting on her.
She was going to save babies and their mothers when she was not even able to fix her own family and that now she would become an occasional visitor to her daughter.
So, she had no choice but to get back on track. As a master of hiding her real emotions and feelings, Arizona put on a perfect fake smile and knew people would, one more time, be looking at her.
She grew up gay. She knew what it feels like when people are staring. She was missing a leg, and they stared. Everyone knew she was a cheater, and they stared. And they talked, and they judged, and they… stared. Now, they will stare because she hadn't been able to keep her daughter with her.
Walking fast, nodding at the people who greeted her, answered a few of them with a convincing…. Hi!
That was what she was doing, looking right in front of her, avoiding the gazes of pity that were being thrown her way.
She reached her office when she saw her ex-wife, trying to look through the windows on the door to her room.
Maybe was she trying to hand her an olive branch and she was here to talk about how things had gotten out of hand?
But she didn't want to talk, especially not to Callie. But it was too late because she had been seen and her ex-wife was walking straight to her.
« Hey. I tried to call you several times, but you didn't pick up. » Callie said, her tone neutral, almost condescending. « I wanted to talk to you about... you know... New York and everything. »
« We can go to my office. » Arizona nodded and walked to her office as Callie followed her.
Callie couldn't help but notice the perfectly braided hair, perfect light makeup Arizona had, contrasting with the emptiness in her eyes and the way her shoulders were tense.
Even after years away from her, Calliope Torres could read her body language.
« Here, have a seat please. » Arizona said, the same way she would have talked to any new patient.
It irritated the ortho surgeon, but she could understand the need of putting some distance between them.
« So, I received the papers regarding Sofia's custody. » Callie said. « I want you to know that you can come and see her whenever you want. »
« Okay. Thanks. » The reply was short and nice. Not what Callie had been expecting.
« Of course, we can put it in writing, but we need to establish some kind of schedule. You'll have to warn us at least one week before coming. And it will have to be on weekends of course, or during the holidays. I will take Christmas this year because Penny's parents have already invited us to Chicago. They have a big house, and they have a big celebration every year. I saw pictures. It's great. »
Arizona gulped. She didn't care about Penny and Christmas in Chicago.
All she was picturing was hasty visits to her daughter which would take place in a town she didn't really know, in an impersonal hotel room. She was a fetal surgeon; her schedule was pretty unpredictable. Callie had made it even clearer when her lawyer had listed all the emergency procedures she had done in a few months, preventing her being a fitting mother.
Being able to warn Callie one week in advance if she would be able to come to see her daughter was like a sick joke her ex-wife was playing.
« And this summer, we have plans to go to Miami, to see my family and visit. Sofia is so happy to go to the beach already... » Callie said, smiling to herself.
« Can my parents come and see her sometimes? » Arizona asked. « They miss her, and it's been a long time... »
« Well sure, but it's the same. I'd like to be given the heads up at least one week before, of course, it would have to be on a weekend we haven't planned anything. » Callie précised. « It's just a planning question. »
« I.. I'll let them know. » Arizona sadly said. « I think they have your number. »
« Oh, I prefer you and they called my lawyer. She has all the information, and I will be so busy at work and everything. It will be easier. For everybody. We are leaving next Sunday. So, we can keep our actual schedule until then. I trust you not to run away with her? » Callie laughed to herself. « We are having a little goodbye party at Mer's on Saturday, so if you want to come, you can. I mean, it might be awkward, but still you are invited. »
« I... I think I have all the information I need. So, If you'll excuse me, I have a case to go over. » Arizona coldly replied.
Callie nodded, stood up and walked to the door. She stopped a second.
« I don't know how we ended up here Arizona, but I wish it was different. » she said without turning back and left. When she was gone, Arizona let out all the stress, sadness and anger she had tried to keep in for weeks explode, leaving her with tears she couldn't stop.
…..
Back to present time
The minute was over. She took a deep breath.
Of course, she was scared, who wouldn't be. Of course, she had a million things running through her head.
Nothing was sure. It was surely a crazy idea, the craziest she ever had.
She turned to the white plastic stick and looked at it. There it was. The final result.
She sniffed. Her eyes were filling with tears when her lips curved up in a hopeful smile.
Arizona Robbins was pregnant. She was going to have a baby on her own.