AN:/ I know, I know... This 11th chatper is late, and I am sorry, but life is what it is and I've been busy over work, personnal things and a festival I am working on.
But now everything is more quiet and I hope to udate more regularly. Jax is still working with me so thank so much ^^. Enjoy your regardins and let me know what you think!
...
I don't know what to say. Thank you for what you did and for helping me with my crazy plan. I will be forever grateful. I hope you are all right and congratulations for…well, you know. I wish you the best. Be happy, you deserve it more than anyone.
Arizona stared at the text on the plane that was taking her back to Seattle.
She was exhausted, on edge and so emotional. She couldn't restrain her tears.
She had such mixed feelings that it was hard for her to calm down. She was relieved that the terrible weekend was over, she was glad that Sofia was spending time with her family and bonding with her grandmother, and she was happy to get back to Seattle. But, on the other hand, she was frustrated Callie had discovered she was pregnant, she was angry she had taken advantage of her turmoil to kiss her once again and she was mad her ex-wife had made her feel everything through that last kiss.
And the worst part was she was sure Callie was going to react badly, but to her surprise, her reaction hadn't been what Arizona had expected.
And now, she was thinking about everything she had just lived those past 48 hours. She was torn between some kind of relief it was over and a bittersweet feeling she had missed something.
Of course, she had felt it. That thing Callie had asked her about.
It was inevitable. The feeling in her stomach, in her body, in her soul. There was still something.
She knew that feeling had never gone away, but she had shut it down for years, not wanting to think about it.
It was too much, too painful.
Since the day Callie had walked out of their marriage she had needed to lock those feelings so deep inside, otherwise she wouldn't have made it.
And from time to time the box opened itself. Usually when Callie was gushing about her new date, or a guy she liked, or Perfect Penny who she loved so much.
So, Arizona had built high walls around herself for protection, and she had built even higher walls fleeing the reality of her pathetic life and how she was still madly in love with Callie Torres.
There was nothing left for them. They had tried, they had failed.
They had hurt each other so much, so many times.
Whatever this escapade in Miami might have awakened in Callie's heart had to disappear.
She had her Penny to go back to, Arizona had her twins to think about.
They were apart for so many reasons.
She didn't have any time for that.
This pregnancy was her choice. Raising her family on her own was her project and no other woman, especially not Calliope Torres, was supposed to interfere in that.
So, on that plane bringing her back to Seattle, Arizona was alone, looking out of the window, too many things clouding her mind, while tears were rolling freely and silently down her pale cheeks.
She had both hands on her belly, protecting the two little lives growing inside her womb. And slowly she let her body relax and her mind focused on her breathing, and soon she fell asleep.
…..
Callie walked back to the beach to meet her family.
Sofia was building a sandcastle with Carlos, as her mother was sleeping quietly on a wooden deckchair.
She was welcomed by Aria who was drinking a mojito and handed one to her sister as she joined her.
They didn't talk for a moment, enjoying the view and the quietness surrounding them.
Callie was feeling so lost right now, and she felt like today was one of the last times she would see Arizona.
It was something she had never thought about. Even when she had left Seattle to follow Penny, without any kind of consideration for her ex-wife.
Has she been so blinded by her will to move on that she had tried to erase Arizona from her life?
She felt so bad about that.
And right now, the only thing she wanted was to be with her and to ask her everything.
She was stunned the blonde had made such a life changing decision to have another child on her own.
They had grown apart from each other, and it felt like a waste.
« What are you going to do? » Aria asked her, breaking the silence.
« About what? » Callie frowned.
« About your wife, and everything? » Aria continued. « What are you going to tell Mom and Dad? Because they are going to ask to see Sofia more often, and you can't keep her from them. And soon, that little munchkin will know she's going to be a big sister... What if she talks about it and they hear? You know that this kid will not be their grandkid right, and it won't be yours either. I'm a little worried Callie. For all of you. I know it's your business, but it will impact our parents, you and your daughter when the truth comes out ».
Callie sighed. Arizona had told her the same thing, and she was right. She sat on the white wooden bench next to her and tried to compose herself.
« We... I will come and see them from time to time, with Sofia, and I will explain that Arizona is crazy busy with work, which is right. And in a few months, I will announce that we are getting a divorce, but that we remain very good friends and I hope it will go smoothly. » Callie said, knowing Aria was not buying her story.
« Oh, so you have already thought about it all the way through... Great... » Aria said. « SO, what was the point of Arizona and Sofia being put in that stupid situation? »
« I didn't want to disappoint them, you know. Mom was ready to make amends and take responsibility for how she acted, and it was something I never thought I get the chance to live. So, when Dad told me everything, I thought I couldn't come back to them with a girlfriend. I disrupted my life and my daughter's life when I fought them so hard to accept Arizona as my wife and Sofia as their granddaughter. » Callie explained. « It was easier for them, and I was not ready to see the disappointment on their faces once again. »
She received a compassionate and sad smile from her sister who sat next to her.
« You know, I have been so unfair toward you. I didn't care you were bi, or gay. I just stood by and took mom's side. I shouldn't have taken sides. » Aria sadly said. « I'm sorry for all the hurt you have gone through, all the pain and all the things I could have done to help you. I should have been there. »
Aria's words made Callie emotional, and she couldn't prevent the tears from falling.
Everything was so messed up and yet, she was reconnecting with her family. It was one of the most beautiful things she had experienced in years, but yet her mind was wandering, she couldn't stop thinking about Arizona, and it was not something she could let happen.
…...
Two days later, Arizona was back at work and it was all she needed. Being on the job, focused on her patients and moving forward with her life.
Her mother had been calling her every day and she would be lying if she said it was not something she enjoyed.
Knowing someone was thinking about her and was checking in, even if it was her mother, felt so sweet.
She entered the attendings lounge and found April who was getting ready to go home, Harriet in her arms.
She smiled at her friend and went to her locker to grab her lab coat.
« So how was Miami? » April asked, wanting to know everything.
« It's...done... » Arizona replied, yawning when she turned back. « It's done, Callie and Sofia are staying longer there, I think. But I don't really care. I have the papers for shared custody, and that's all that matters. Right? »
« See I was right. It was not so hard, and you'll have your daughter with you more often. » April smirked, proud of herself. « So how is Callie? It wasn't too awkward was it? »
« I don't really want to talk about it. Sorry. » Arizona yawned again. « It was stressful, and exhausting. And Callie was... » Arizona shrugged and smiled sadly. « Callie was good. She was good. »
« Okay... » April looked at her friends weirdly. « Anyway, I'm glad for you. I hope Sofia will be here soon! Harriet misses her. And Sofia is so good with babies. She would have made a very good big sister. »
Looking at Arizona eyes watering after she had said her last words, April immediately felt guilty.
« Hey, what's wrong? » She worried. « Is it because I mentioned Sofia? I'm sorry, I know you miss her like crazy... I shouldn't have... »
« It's not that... » Arizona smiled through her tears. « It's not that. But you are right, Sofia is going to be such a great big sister. »
April frowned and opened her mouth wide, trying to understand what Arizona was telling her.
« Oh.. Callie and Penny are? » April tried to ask while Arizona pulled up her scrub top letting her baby bump appear. « Oh my god! You? »
Arizona nodded with a big smile, as April, with Harriet in her arms, rushed to hug her.
….
One week later, Callie and Sofia were back in their New York apartment.
Callie sighed one last time before entering it. She didn't know what she was going to find. Would Penny be there? Would have she left?
Maybe she would have trashed the apartment, destroying everything Callie owned ?
The brunette shook her head and took her keys.
« Are you okay Mama? » Sofia worried, feeling how tense her mother was.
« Yeah Baby, I'm just tired. I can't wait to take a shower and go to bed... » Callie tried to compose herself.
She hadn't talked about Penny's rash decision to break up with her daughter. She wanted the little girl to enjoy her time in Florida as much as possible.
She tried to put the key in the lock, but it felt like something was stuck.
« What the hell? » Callie said as she tried several times. « What's that... »
She put her ear on the door trying to hear a noise, as some burglar might have forced their way into their place. She heard steps and so she knocked at the door. She was a little relieved, she knew it was surely Penny who was inside and that she had locked the doors and left her key in the lock.
She knocked on the door and waited a moment. Nobody came to open the door. She took her phone and dialled Penny's number, trying to contact her.
Nothing. She knocked again on the door, still nothing, now her knocks were getting louder and called Penny's name several times.
« Mama... What's going on? » Sofia asked worriedly.
« Nothing mija, it's just Penny must have fallen asleep, and she's locked the door. » Callie tried to convince herself. « Penny! Penny! It's us, we are back open the door! God damn it! »
Suddenly, the door opened, but there was the security chain preventing Callie from getting in.
« What the... » Callie said, noticing a very upset Penny inside, looking at her with disgust in her eyes. « Penny, can we come in, we are tired, and we... »
« This is not your place anymore. I'm sorry, but I can't do this. I'm sure that if I let you back in, you will manage to make me fall for you again, and I don't want that ! » the red head almost yelled.
« Penny, please, listen, I know you're mad, I know i fucked up, but can we talk inside. Can I put Sofia to bed and then we'll talk. » Callie asked.
« No! » Penny replied. « I put all your stuff in storage, I'm sorry but I can't do it. You made it very clear I am not enough for you. I don't deserve to get to know your family. You don't acknowledge our relationship. And that trip to Miami is not the only thing that made me take this decision. Since we came here, you have never once introduced me to your friends. You go out when I'm on night shift, I know it. You have made friends here, I know it. You don't want me to come to your hospital, you never come to say hello to me in my lab... It's like we are just roommates with benefits. »
« Penny please, it's late and I don't want us to end things like this... » Callie said.
« It's too late. I don't want to see you anymore Callie. We are over. » Penny replied, handing an envelope through the door. « There is the location of the storage unit and the key. As for the apartment, it was my name on the lease, so I figured I'd keep it. »
« You can' be serious! I uprooted my life to come here with you! I left my job, my friends. I took my daughter away from her other mother. And you are throwing away everything because I left for a week to be reunited with my family? I told you! I just needed a bit of time and then you will come with me soon, but please let me... »
« I don't want to do that. » Penny snapped. « I don't want to see you. Goodbye Callie. »
And with that, she slammed the door in the brunette's stunned face.
….
One week later, Arizona was showing more and people started to stare again at work. She was waiting for Sofia to come because she wanted to tell her first, and then she would openly tell people.
She was a little scared that people were going to judge her again, but in the end, she was over it. They talked about her enough after the car crash, the plane crash and of course after she cheated on Dr Torres.
This was her new life. She was ready for it. She had even thought about a life away from Seattle.
She'd leave a few friends, some co-workers she appreciated but there was no one to keep her in this town.
She was frequently approached by hospitals from all over the country, trying to make her move, offering her more and more each time. But she had always said no.
But now, she was going to be the mother of three kids, including two she would raise on her own, so she had to plan.
Seattle had been the town that had given her everything before taking it back with so much pain and sorrow.
There were as many happy memories as there were bitter ones.
She was asking herself a lot of things about her life these days.
She just wanted to be happy, and her daughter to be happy, her twins to be safe.
And she had to plan a life that would suit her and her kids.
The thing she was not sure of is if she would one day be able to include a woman by her side.
What would be the status of that person? Would she be a parent? A step parent?
Anyway, even if the pregnancy was making her more and more horny, she wasn't ready to give more thought to that.
After everything that had occurred in Miami, she was thinking too much about Callie Torres.
She didn't want to, but she couldn't help herself. It was stronger than her.
Sitting in the cafeteria alone, playing with her salad and daydreaming about a certain brunette, she was surprised when she felt two strong hands on her shoulders.
« Teddy! You're here? » Arizona said, standing immediately. « You're really here? »
« Hey there! How are you? » Teddy asked, hugging her friend and immediately felt the bump in the embrace. She stepped back and looked at her friend with knitted brows.
« I'm so happy to see you! I know I've been a shitty friend. » Arizona apologized. « I know I haven't been responding as often as you would have liked, but you know a lot happened... »
« I know a part of it, and I am sorry... » Teddy said as she sat with Arizona at the table. « I wish I would have been here to help and support you guys. Maybe I should have ... »
« You were better far away from here. » Arizona sadly confessed. « I was in a very dark place. And Callie … I mistreated her. I was awful. And after everything it all went out of control. »
« And how are things between you now? » Teddy asked.
« I... After I cheated on her, she took me back. But she left me. And this time she took Sofia with her and went to New York, where she still lives and works. She has a new girlfriend and she's living her best life. After a horrible custody trial, she got sole custody, but after talks and time she agreed on putting shared custody back in place. » Arizona explained. « But you, what are you doing here? »
« First of all, Wow! You were my inspirational couple. I rooted for you guys. I'm so sad for you. » Teddy said. « And secondly, I'm here because Owen and I are trying to work things out after he came to Germany and everything... »
« Oh yes, I remember your email about it. » Arizona smirked. « I really hope you will get what you want Teddy. »
Teddy smiled and let a tear rolled down her cheek taking Arizona aback.
« Oh, God. I'm sorry! Did I say anything wrong? » Arizona asked, afraid she had hurt her friends' feelings.
« No. Not at all. » Teddy replied. « In fact, we... I'm pregnant, it's Owen's and we are so beyond happy... We wanted to wait a little to tell people, and not to hurt Amelia or anything. But ever since I told Owen, he's been so happy, so we are going to figure things out. »
« Oh my god... Teddy it's just so... » Arizona tried to say, starting to sob and hesitating to hug her friend. « I'm just... I'm happy for you... »
Both friends were crying. This was not exactly how Teddy had expected their reunion to be.
But after everything Arizona had been through, she was happy to maybe bring some good news and good vibes to one of her best friends.
« If you knew how scared I was at first when I realized I was pregnant. I was so mad at Owen when he came to see me just to tell me afterwards, he was still married and that he had slept with his wife just a few days ago, after she told him to come to see me. » Teddy explained. « I mean... It was not even his idea, and he had slept with her just days before... So, what was I supposed to do. Welcome him with open arms? »
`«`Apparently you did it before knowing all the details about Amelia Shepperd... » Arizona smirked, making them both laugh.
« That's true... But back then I was so mad. And then when I found out about the pregnancy I was torn. I took a week off and I went on my own to a fancy hotel. And I thought... I tried to see myself not keeping it. But it was so hard... And then I couldn't see myself raising him alone. I just couldn't see myself bringing up a child on my own. I wouldn't be able to do it... »
Suddenly, Teddy saw Arizona's face becoming pale and her teeth clenching. Apparently something in her speech had hit her friend in the guts.
« Are you okay? » Teddy asked, worried by Arizona's weird reaction. The blonde was tense, and she seemed to be on edge.
« I... Can I... I have to go... » Arizona lamely said, standing up in the middle of the conversation.
Teddy managed to grab her by the wrist before she disappeared on her.
« Hey, Arizona! Stop! What's wrong! I didn't want to upset you? » Teddy said. « Do you want to talk about it? »
« What is there to talk about? I'm sorry I forgot I had a consult. I'm very happy you're here Teddy. I'll call you later, ok? » Arizona lied as Teddy sighed.
« I noticed it, you know... You don't have to be afraid to talk to me Arizona. Before you would come to me to talk about everything, your joy, your fears... It hasn't changed... » the dirty blonde insisted as she put a hand on the blonde's bump.
Arizona looked at her friend in shock. She didn't expect her to notice her baby bump so quickly. She had been caught off guard.
« I... I can't talk about it now. I'm sorry. But I will, I promise... »
And with that she was gone. »
…...
Callie was talking too much, and too fast.
She was also smiling too much and drinking a little too many shots of Tequila.
That's what Addison was telling herself as she was sitting in front of her friend in a bar that night.
« And you should see the way he handled the surgery. It was a masterpiece! » Callie said, excessively excited.
« Well, I'm glad you are not bored yet, teaching some resident how to replace a hip on a 75 years old woman, but can you tell what's going on? » Addison asked concerned. « Because I accepted your offer to come and have a drink because I wanted to hear everything about that stupid weekend in Miami you planned... »
Addison and Callie had grown closer than ever since Callie moved to New York. The fetal surgeon was back in her hometown after her divorce and she had been more than happy to welcome Callie as soon as she landed in the Big Apple.
She had immediately told her friend she didn't like the new girlfriend, but she had remained civil and cordial when they had had dinner together.
Of course, she was Callie's confidant, and she knew everything about Callie's plan, including the ex-wife and the family she had missed for so long.
She had immediately told the brunette it was a stupid idea, but that she would support her anyway.
« Ah. About that, there's nothing to say. It went well. Sofia and my mother are getting along really well, it's so... And My mom is really doing everything she can to accept me and my family. It was a great weekend. » Callie explained, avoiding all the turmoil she had been through.
« Mmmm... » Addison raised one brow, knowing her friend was showing signs of intense nervousness. « And what about Robbins? Was she cooperative? »
« Yeah, she's been great. It was perfect. » Callie said.
« Listen, I know you. You can't lie to me. Spill it. What's going on? » Addison insisted. « Because you are so weird and chatty... That's not the Torres I know... »
« Really Addy, everything is great. » Callie lied. « We are looking for a new apartment, maybe its because of that I am a little stressed ? »
« A new apartment? Why? Yours is so well located! » Addison asked. « I mean it's not big, but you are near to your daughter's school and everything. »
« Well... Penny and I broke up... I guess... So, I'm at the hotel with Sofia for the moment... » Callie finally confessed with emotion, her voice breaking a little.
« Oh, I'm sorry Callie... » Addison replied, feeling how upset her friend was. « Is it totally over? I mean it would be so stupid to end things with her when you... »
« When I uprooted my life and my daughter's life to chase tail across the country?.. I know... » Callie snapped, wiping away her tears. « And yes, it's totally over. And really it's not that bad. It was doomed from the beginning anyway. »
« Wow, I must have missed a few things, because you fought for her. You fought your ex-wife to get your daughter here with you, you fought me a little when I told you I didn't really like her... » Addison replied. « What happened ? »
« Arizona is pregnant... » Callie replied.
« What? »
« I know, this has nothing to do with Penny. But in Miami... We... We kissed a few times. And it was... It was like the first time she kissed me at Joe's. I felt it, you know, the butterflies, the thrill, the desire... » Callie said as Addison tried to understand everything. « I... It's just so messed up. She is the person who hurt me the most in my life. But I think I have been so awful towards her since I left her in the shrink's office after she just told me she was in love with me. »
« Listen Callie, I am lost here... What really is going on? » Addison stopped her friend's rant.
« I think I... I still love her. No matter what I try, no matter who I am with. She's always on my mind... » Callie sadly admitted. « And now she's building her own life, without me and it terrifies me. »
« Callie, you left her. You took her daughter to New York to be with your girlfriend of 5 minutes. You were building a life without her. And from what I remember, she didn't do anything to prevent you from moving on, right? So, what if these feelings you are experiencing are nothing but some kind of misplaced jealousy, or maybe some bitterness? And not love? »
« I felt it Addie! In my body, in our kiss, in my soul! » Callie replied. « And it's killing me because I can't say or do anything about it. »
« I think that if you love her, you have to tell her. Mark Sloan once told me: "If you love someone, you tell them. Even if you're scared that it's not the right thing. Even if you're scared that it'll cause problems. Even if you're scared that it will burn your life to the ground, you say it, and you say it loud and you go from there." So, I think you know what you have to do next...