TWENTY-ONE DAYS UNTIL SINGULARITY
The Black Mesa common room rarely heaved with this much life, let alone life of such variety. The new chryssalid still clung to Adrian's head, looking like some kind of grotesque gimmick-hat if it did not periodically adjust itself to maintain balanced. Adam and his(?) two new friends sat in three chairs, speaking to each other in halting English at Barney's personal request, overseen by the vortigaunt Sweepy and the insane priest. Meanwhile, Lamarr skulked somewhere in the bookshelves, and Barney made sure to steer well clear.
Instead, he leaned against the wall, arms folded, waiting for the inevitable Vahlen encounter, and engaged in the activity he liked to call "horndog spotting." Barney was many things, none of them a college graduate, but he certainly knew social cues, especially when it came to people in their twenties and thirties. A few years bouncing at night clubs (and occasionally getting wasted at them) left him with a certified bachelor's in bachelors, and he found the entire social dynamic sprawled before him endlessly amusing. It certainly took his mind off of his impending promotion, and Eli's impending "vacation."
Jane Kelly sat on the couch with her giant knife and a whetstone, scraping at it endlessly with gritted teeth, apparently heedless of the goings on around her. Alyx and Lily, next to her, chatted idly about their own goings-on (occasionally bitching about Mossman) but Barney could not help but notice the way Alyx snuck glances at Gordon, who sat across from Adrian at the chessboard. The good doctor had sat there silently until Adrian had joined him and wordlessly moved a pawn, despite being on the black side. Gordon took it in stride, and now sat in deep contemplation, his gloved hand idly stroking his glued-together knight piece. He never stole glances back at Alyx. Adrian, though … with every scrape of her knife, Jane Kelly became more and more interesting to the supposed marine.
"So," said Lily, leaning back in the couch, "babies."
"Yeah?" said Alyx, cocking an eyebrow. "That's the whole sentence? Babies?"
"The Suppression Field is down," continued Lily, pointedly paying no mind to the two young men behind her, one of whom was rapidly losing his interest in (and his pieces on) the chessboard, "so, you know…"
"No, I don't know," said Adrian loudly from behind the three ladies, making Lily start. "The fuck does that mean?"
"Combine have stopped people from mating for about eighteen years now," grunted Jane. Schick. Schick. Schick. "No babies. They just lowered the field. Got word from City 17. No one's sure why."
"Somehow I don't think it's to build good will," said Alyx, frowning. She cast another quick glance at Gordon, who was too busy somehow taking Adrian's queen with a pawn to notice. "Maybe we're finally hitting the kind of population levels that even the Combine think are unacceptable?"
Jane grunted again, noncommittally. Adrian cleared his throat.
"Why the fuck was I not informed about this?"
"It's common knowledge, Adrian," called back Lily, sounding a little amused. "Where've you been?"
"I don't know!"
"Leave it be," said Barney, feeling the hair raise on the back of his neck. Some part of him didn't like this particular avenue of conversation. "Doesn't matter now, anyway. Give it a few months, we'll all have something to fight for."
"Oh?" Alyx's eyebrow cocked again. Barney regretted teaching her how to do that.
"I mean, as a species. You know what I mean."
"I know exactly what you mean!" called out a voice that made Barney's testicles immediately retract in on themselves. Dr. Kleiner stormed in with Dr. Magnusson, both beaming. Magnusson frowned upon seeing Gordon and immediately assumed a defensive posture by the microwave. "Good news, everyone!"
"Yes, and it should be delivered by the one responsible for said news," said Magnusson, glowering. Kleiner gave Barney a helpless glance, and Barney just pointed by the bookshelves. There, she's there. Grab her quick. "Thanks to wreckage reclaimed from the alien crash sites as well as the handiwork of our vortigaunt allies, we … young man, what on earth is that?"
"Scorpion," said Adrian, waving the doctor off. He'd apparently well become used to the old doctor's moods at this point. "Friendly chryssalid. It'll pay off later, once she's bigger. Trust me. This one's nice."
"I … see." Magnusson clearly did not seem enthused at the prospect of another cranially-preoccupied crab running amok, but did not break his pace. "We will soon be able to bring our own magnetic weapons to bear against the invaders, as well as introduce a hardened armor with chryssalid inserts. Barring the good Doctor Freeman here, we will no longer be forced to battle with the equivalent of t-shirt and a dream. Good news for all of us."
Magnusson paused, expecting applause. Barney made sure to lead it with absurd enthusiasm, making the man's smile promptly disappear as the rest of the room followed suit. Alyx and Lily stood, hooting and hollering, while Adrian gave a wolf-whistle as Gordon Freeman queened another pawn behind him. Meanwhile, the three Thin Men, having observed the goings-on with great interest and zero understanding, joined in with such booming applause the rest of the room stopped to watch. They only ceased the clapping once Grigori gently restrained one, causing the remaining two to hunch over in shame.
"Yes, well," said Magnusson, too annoyed to stay, and yet too socially awkward to admonish anyone, "thank you very much. I am sure these technologies will result in many-"
The headcrab finally decided to show herself. Barney winced as it leapt on to the back of Magnusson's head, its legs digging into the man's shoulder blades to steady itself. It then plopped itself firmly atop his head, bringing the number of crab-headed people in the room to two. A Thin Man tried to applaud, only for Grigori to cuff him about the head. Magnusson heaved a deep breath.
"Kleiner," he said, his voice a furious calm. Even Adrian looked like he wanted to back out of the room.
"Oh dear, I am sorry, Magnusson. I was trying to find her, but you-"
"Kleiner," repeated Magnusson, "would you be so kind as to remove this cranial-conjugal parasite, before I DROP KICK IT INTO NEXT WEEK?"
Kleiner hurried forward and, with much resistance from Lamarr, pried the headcrab from Magnusson's reddened face. No sooner had the man brought his scowl around to face the owner of the head-humper, the microwave dinged behind him. Barney pushed himself from the wall.
"Hey, there's my casserole!" Headcrab casserole, of course. He marched over with a bright smile, popped open the door with a button. He lifted the steaming plate and took a deep whiff. "Mmm, good. Want some, Magnusson?"
"The next time you people need a weapon that kills striders," began Magnusson, practically choking on his own rage, before finally throwing his hands up in the air and storming out. Kleiner watched him leave with no small amount of apprehension while Barney dug a fork from a drawer and paid the irate scientist's exit no mind. Kleiner looked down at the headcrab with a mix of shame and love.
"Well, be that as it may, we still have much to celebrate, as Dr. Magnusson will remember in time. While I have the attention of so many young people – and what I wanted to say – wit the Suppression Field down, now would be an excellent time for procreation!"
Kleiner promptly left after that, having apparently cheered himself up quite a bit after Magnusson's outburst. Grigori chuckled, but no one else could make eye contact. Gordon Freeman wordlessly stood from his chair and left the room, presumably to kill himself. Barney took another bite of casserole and decided to join him, only for his horndog senses to tingle.
"Hey, uh, Jane." The technical chess victor Adrian stood from his board. Oh, this will be excellent. "I know what Kleiner said was probably the worst thing ever said by a human being, ever, but…"
Jane gave her knife another scrape of the whetstone but then set both on the table. The other two ladies gave her room on the couch, and Jane gave Adrian a look. Barney knew that look. He had seen it before, sometimes even directed at himself. It was a calculating, challenging, and very very encouraging look for those who knew how to see it. She's already said yes. Now Adrian just has to not talk her out of it.
Mysterious were the ways of women, but Barney's Bachelor of Science of Bachelor Science (or as he liked to call it, B.S. of BS) provided a great many practical applications. Despite himself, he wanted it to work out for the guy. He might have been an HECU bastard, but he was about to ask a girl out with an alien crab on his head after Kleiner had annihilated the libido of everyone in a seventy-two-kilometer radius. Everyone liked to root for the underdog. Even if it was a devil dog.
"Look, you're a badass. You kill things with a huge knife and that's really hot. Plus, you're probably the person who's made me feel the most welcome since I've been back." Adrian had done an admirable job ignoring the sniggers of Alyx and Lily so far. Honestly, Barney was glad to see social interactions like this again. Young people. Up so late it's early. Trying to get into each other's pants. "I don't know if you guys still do dates, but I could cook for you. We could talk. About anything except Kleiner. And aliens." He took Scorpion off of his head at this, but let the creature still rest in his arms.
"And what would we talk about?" asked Jane, and Barney nodded to himself. It wasn't sad, or shocked, or pitying. It was teasing. Don't stumble, now. She's gonna say something to shock you. "Should we talk about … babies?"
"Uhh," said Adrian, and Barney shook his head, mouth full of headcrab. Don't screw it up, now. Say something witty back! Or agree, but don't be a creep about it!
"Talk about Gordon Freeman!" called out Adam from the hostage corner as the other two Thin Men stirred to agree. Adrian glowered at the three unwelcome aliens – now four. Sweepy the vortigaunt had begun nodding in agreement.
"I can play the guitar," said Adrian, finally, his train of thought clearly derailed. "If you can find one. I'd play for you."
"Hmm," said Jane as the other two women exchanged impressed glances. "No one's played the guitar for me before. Then again, I haven't been able to find one, either."
"I've got one," said Barney, raising his hand. Gonna save this guy, before the Thin Men finish what Kleiner started and drive the women from the room. "You can borrow mine." He shrugged. "Of course, you'd have to tune it. Haven't been back to Black Mesa in a while."
"I didn't know you played, Barney," said Alyx, giving him an impressed glance. Barney shook his head.
"I don't, it's just … when was the last time any of you saw an instrument? Fully intact? I couldn't just leave it there, in Ravenholm." Gotta save what you can, even if it's only the memory of it. "Look, gimme a day or two. I gotta go in the field with Dr. Vahlen."
"Okay," said Jane, picking up her tools again. "In a day or two, then. You can cook me a meal, play the guitar, and we can talk." She shrugged. "Maybe about babies. Maybe about Gordon Freeman. Depends how good the meal is."
"And the guitar playing?" asked Adrian. Jane smiled.
"I think … I think I'll like whatever you play." Her smile faded. "I … I can't remember the last time I've seen someone play a guitar."
Adrian nodded. Scorpion chirped in his arms. "Okay." He left the room then, presumably to get clear of earshot and start cheering. Barney got up to join him, only for another stern presence to join them.
"Where have you been?" barked Dr. Vahlen. Barney's testicles, having made a tentative advance back into existence, now dove for cover once more. Barney spread his arms wide.
"Enjoying my damn breakfast, doc. And your pilot's here, as well, so I know for a fact you weren't going anywhere."
Alyx had already placed her finger on her nose, but Barney knew for a fact Lily had already volunteered. The young lady heaved a mock sigh.
"I'll take us there and then stim up for the dissection and the flight back, okay?" She rose, stretching, before dropping back down to give both other women a hug. "Get some sleep, okay?"
"Yeah," said Alyx, also rising with a yawn. "Not the worst idea. Fly safe. Watch for UFOs."
The three of them returned to the scrapyard, Vahlen shaking her head and muttering in French the entire way. And I'm supposed to be in charge of her, soon?
"Hazmat suits already on board," barked Dr. Vahlen, making Barney sigh for real this time.
"I seriously have to wear that crap?" Vahlen just glared back at him. "Okay, fair, I probably don't want to get this stuff on me. Sorry doc, just … not thrilled to be the one doing this."
"I'd rather he was here too," mumbled Vahlen as they took seats opposite each other, making Barney feel bad. Lily strapped herself in.
"ETA thirty-five minutes." The engine whined to life. "Old outpost, not far from Victory Mine. Vorts took the body there." She glanced back. "Barney, might want to man the main gun."
Barney shrugged and rose in agreement. He took the pulse gun in his hands and held it ready as the craft lifted. To his mild surprise and concern, Vahlen rose and sat next to where he kneeled, although if she said anything he certainly could not hear it. Instead, they flew to the vortigaunt's camp in the peaceful deafening noise of the helicopter.
By the time they landed, Barney relished the relative quiet of the wilderness in comparison. Vahlen thrust his folded personal protective equipment into his arms and then, seeing his confusion, demonstrated how to put it on, slipping into it with surprising agility and a lack of her usual stoniness. The world swiftly became hot and crinkly and smelled of plastic, but at least Barney got to see Vahlen smile. It wasn't so bad.
The giant corpse, surrounded by vortigaunts and looking like a giant lima bean that had shat itself and exploded, on the other hand, was in fact that bad. The vortigaunts bowed at their approach, with one taking the head.
"The, Moira Vahlen. The Barney Calhoun. The Lily Shen." The lead vortigaunt inclined his head. "We have heard of your father. The Eli Vance will speak to you of it on your return."
"Wait, what?" asked Lily, suddenly wide awake, but the vortigaunt already turned to the other two. "No, seriously, go back to that, dad's alive?"
"Alive, but only the Eli Vance can tell you more. Please," the vortigaunt gestured to the bloated corpse, "we must attend to the Shu'ulathoi before its presence invites further presence."
"Fuck it. I'm going to sleep. I'll be in the chopper." Lily Shen stormed off, equal parts elated, confused, and angry at yet more vortigaunt nonsense. Barney shrugged, and the damn suit made crinkling noises with every movement.
"The corpse is ready for the Moira Vahlen's incisions. The prisoners are attended to by the Ramon Sheckley to the Barney Calhoun's satisfaction." Barney nodded impatiently, eager to get past the constant name drops. "Shall we begin?"
"Yeah, I guess." Barney stepped up to the great green monstrosity. "Ready doc?"
"For twenty years," said Vahlen coldly, scalpel glistening in her hand. She glanced to the vortigaunt. "Fetch the rest of my tools from the chopper. The auto-saw."
Barney's antipathy for his protective suit vanished upon the first incision. The corpse squelched and practically spouted blood with every fresh cut, and as Vahlen's hands plunged into the sickly tissue and muscle, yet more snot-colored fluid blossomed forth. The doctor worked first with simple scalpel, and then began sawing through entire chunks of flesh, muttering to herself in three different languages. Barney held things steady for her, pulled strips of tissue loose, and even held a flap of skin out so she could pin it and examine it. All the while, Dr. Vahlen grew quieter and quieter, only issuing occasional reports.
"No central nervous system. Series of ganglions."
"Heavily developed muscular and fatty tissue. No skeletal structure."
At one point she pulled out a strange spiky metal device from the body. She turned it over in her hands. "Some kind of implant? Delivers a chemical injection? We've seen similar in Overwatch soldiers." She did not sound happy at this discovery. Barney held it in his own hands and felt no inkling of revelation. It just looked gross.
Finally, having reduced the Combine Advisor to little more than a burst green water balloon, Vahlen flung her tools aside and cursed.
"They're us."
"They're human?" asked Barney, genuinely taken aback, only for Vahlen to violently kick a stone, which bounced uselessly off the swollen remains of the corpse.
"No! Not human, dummkopf, but … slaves." The word came out so quietly Barney did not understand it at first. He gaped beneath the protective sheen of his suit.
"Slaves?"
"Look." Vahlen pointed at the metal arms, set neatly aside by the vortigaunts. "Metal appendages to aid their combat capability. A breathing apparatus for all environments. An implant designed to control and enhance them. And there's no brain here … Barney, they're us, a few thousand years from now. A mass of fat and muscle, propped up by technology." Her voice took a strained tone. "And … I've done these kinds of dissections before. Striders. Hunters. Our own Overwatch. These are no different. Just flesh and robotics."
"Aren't we all in the end just that, though?" asked Barney, still not sure where Vahlen was coming from.
"This was supposed to be the leadership!" screamed Vahlen, making Barney stumble back. "There were supposed to be answers! It … it was supposed to answer, for all of this! All of it!" She ran forward suddenly, her gloved hands flailing at the corpse. Her fists bounced off the ruin harmlessly. "Why? Why? Who sent you? WHO'S IN CHARGE?"
Barney, feeling very out of his element, pulled her off the body, holding her wrists. To his surprise, she promptly spun around and collapsed into his shoulder, actually sobbing.
"It's just another synth," she said, repeating herself over and over. "Synths building synths, all the way to the top."
After about five minutes, the sobbing dried up and she pulled away roughly, excusing herself without any further explanation. Barney stared after the doctor as she returned to the helicopter. The vortigaunt joined him wordlessly at his side.
"At last, the movement realizes the truth of things," growled the vortigaunt from Victory Mine. Fuck it. He's Vicky. Vicky shook his head at the sight of the corpse. "From whence they originally came, even the Combine do not know. It simply propels itself onward for the sake of itself, consuming for the sake of consumption. These Shu'ulathoi know not from where their sickness springs, only that it must be perpetuated." The vortigaunt placed a claw on Barney's own blooded shoulder. "We must have victory, but we will never have the solace of vengeance. One cannot avenge themselves upon a cancer."
"Look, if I see another one of those things, I am still gonna shoot it," said Barney, giving up on fully understanding whatever the fuck had people riled up. "Aliens invaded, which I forgive you for, by the way. Then the Combine. Then more aliens. I'll take it as it comes. I'm not gonna get, I dunno, philosophical about it."
"The Barney Calhoun is wise to focus on that which is still possible." The vortigaunt removed is claw, then gestured to the helicopter. "Go. She wishes to speak to you. I will return with you to Black Mesa East."
"You replacing Igor?" asked Barney hopefully, but Vicky shook his head.
"His cord is cut. His expertise cannot be matched. I return to battle at the side of the Freeman, and to culture his growing vortessence that it may be safely wielded."
"No one speaks English anymore," mumbled Barney, waving off the vortigaunt to join Vahlen at the helicopter. She stepped out of her suit, flinging the head piece away. Yet she did not seem sad or angry when she saw Barney, instead … something else.
"Grab the samples we took and put them in the helicopter. We will return by 13:00 hours and deliver our report to Dr. Vance." Assuming he's still there. Although he did promise to stall if we took a little while. "We will luncheon together afterwards, perhaps with Gordon Freeman and Alyx Vance if they will join us." Oh, the whole day is planned out for us, now?
"Look, my schedule's gonna get locked up when we get back," said Barney, "Eli's gonna make an announcement before-"
"At 1800 hours I want to have dinner with you," continued Vahlen, having folded her hazmat suit and stuffed it into a plastic bag. The gloves went last, peeled from her delicate fingers. "We will discuss what things will mean moving forward. At 2100, or thereabouts, we will make love."
Barney looked back at the sprawling corpse of the Advisor. The vortigaunts stared back at him, unblinking. Lily Shen muttered something and turned over in the helicopter. Meanwhile, the temperature inside his hazmat suit cranked up another few degrees.
Dr. Moira Vahlen gave Barney a calculating expression. A challenging expression. Barney knew that expression. When he'd seen it on Jane's face, it made him laugh and cheer her guy on. Now…
"You're seriously picking me?" asked Barney, because wit was out of the question. He'd just spent hours dissecting whatever-the-fuck-that-was, gotten no answers out of it, and now a woman who'd made a career out of ignoring people like him had just propositioned him. "We … work at Black Mesa East. You coulda picked someone … someone smart?"
"Like Eli?" Vahlen snorted. "Judith would claw my eyes out. Magnusson?" She rolled her eyes. "Loves only his rocket." She drew close, her voice taking on a dangerous tone. "Surely you're not stupid enough to be suggesting Kleiner?"
"There's other people!" said Barney weakly, raising his bloodied hands. "Technicians, chefs, soldiers. People, people younger than me! Smarter than me!"
"I've looked, Calhoun. Believe me, since the field has been down, I have looked." She was inches from him now, despite his bloodied suit. Her breath fogged up his visor. "You survived Black Mesa. You ran a deep cover op in Civil Protection." She looked away. "You are … not unattractive."
Damn. I hit all three criteria. Barney wanted to take her by the shoulders, but his gloves were covered in alien guts. He instead took a deep breath. Just be genuine.
"Look … Moira," he began, and the woman bit her lip, making his heart lurch. "I've tried, a few times now. To … you know. Even with the field up." He suddenly became very grateful for the layer of polymer between them. "It … didn't work. Field didn't stop us physically but I mean … she started crying. Then I started crying. And we just couldn't. And we just lay there, holding each other, all wet from the tears. And this happened with … different people. Not the same gal."
Barney wasn't trying to brag. This is what the Combine did. It killed all of us, inside. It's why the beer helped so much. Barney reached for his head piece and pried it off his head. Vahlen still didn't look at him, apparently expecting a rejection. He pried off his gloves, a finger at a time, flung them away and took her hands in his. They felt surprisingly soft.
"Part of me's glad, you know, that kids aren't around to see this. I think to myself, you know, if I die … I won't be leaving anyone behind. Friends, sure, but not … not kids. Not a lady. I faced down a hunter chopper a few days ago in an airboat, and I was more worried about getting that sectoid to you than dying in the attempt." Barney meant to laugh, but hearing it out loud just made him feel bitter, that realization that, shit, his life really didn't matter that much to him, and hadn't in a while.
"Let me ask you a question, doc," said Barney quietly, and Vahlen still refused to meet his gaze, even as one of her fingers stroked the knuckles of his thumb, "in this whole, very strange conversation. Since you decided to tell me what you want from me, have I said "no" even once?"
Moira Vahlen looked up at him then, and Barney, doing his best not to brush his still-gut-covered torso against her clean lab coat, went in fully for the kiss. In truth, he'd still had his doubts, and still didn't really think about her that way, but the moment she melted against him, folding against his chest even as bits of Advisor stuck to her clothing, he knew he was done for. This is it, baby. You can't die now. Not anymore. You're hers.
Unless you fuck it up.
In the distance, likely the result of their fucking shared mind, the vortigaunts applauded politely, just as the Thin Men had for Magnusson. They paid them no mind, all intrusive aliens and thoughts banished in favor of embracing the possibility of the future.
Barney pulled away reluctantly after who knew how long. Lily Shen stared, horrified, from inside the helicopter, and Barney gave her a wink.
"Anyway, Doc, I can't do 2100. Make it 2200 instead. Give us time to wipe all of this off."
"I can't do this," said Lily, returning to the interior of the helicopter. "I'm taking my stimdose. We're going back, and I'm getting answers about my dad. Get yourselves cleaned up and let's never talk about this again."
"I don't mind the viscera," said Moira, immediately reminding Barney why the woman had terrified him for years, "but it's her chopper." She gestured to the small cluster of buildings the vortigaunts had commandeered. "They have running water. Let's get you out of these dirty clothes."
By the time their helicopter departed that lonely encampment atop the hill, Barney understood even less of the situation with the Combine than he had before, and somehow found himself with even more to lose. Soon, he would also be in charge of Black Mesa. And yet, staring into the glaring red eyes of Vicky the Vortigaunt with Moira's head on his shoulder, he did not find himself craving beer, and he was fresh out of wisecracks.
Instead he sat there, thoughtfully, and for the first time in a decade, considered the possibility of a future.