Life has been quite eventful since the last chapter was released... 8 months ago? If anyone has managed to stay with this story despite the long breaks, you are very much appreciated.
"I sometimes think back to that day when I chose to push away from Neo. I did the right thing… I hope. Despite how much I want to admit otherwise, there is still a bit of conflict. I would never let Neo out again, but I still wonder how much would have changed if I hadn't been able to take back control.
"If… If I had let Neo finish what he started, I might never have needed to deal with this now. And I wouldn't have to push this onto you, whoever is watching. So, I guess… I guess what I'm trying to say is…
"I'm sorry."
Three Days Later
Matthew felt the snowflakes dropping on his hood. It was a steady pace, and light enough that it maintained a calming rhythm. There was hardly any peace though and he wasn't surprised either. Very little had made an impact on his mood for a while.
He was slumped against a tree along Route 29, staring down at the snow that was accumulating on the ground. The seat of his pants had grown cold and was becoming uncomfortable, but it didn't phase him. Not much did in the little time he was here.
You hurt Shali. You got Brian killed. You deserve this.
The teleport away from Brian's house had landed him in a random spot in the forest around Route 29. Not much happened immediately after, only crying and eventually drifting off to sleep in the snow. After waking up, he had ate a few berries to regain energy and found himself walking through the route in a daze, hardly aware of his surroundings. Some people had passed him on his way, and though he was conscious enough to move out of sight, part of him felt like stopping it all and just walking by them. A tiny piece of normalcy, if only for a few moments.
But he wasn't allowed that. He knew what that led to.
When his eyes had met the buildings of Cherrygrove City by the end of the first day, he had stopped in his tracks. He wanted to walk back into there, to walk amongst everyone else and forget everything else, though the reality of it all was quick to stop him.
And so he made his place. A hundred or so feet from the beaten path, leaning against the frozen bark of a tree whose lower branches had draped down to the ground due to the snow weighing on them. It provided a pseudo-cover, giving some privacy and leaving him alone to his thoughts.
You hurt Shali. You killed Brian. You deserve this.
Those same three thoughts. On repeat. The only pause being when he could finally find comfort in the cold to fall asleep.
Matthew closed his eyes, feeling faint. So much of his body wanted to take a nap, but he couldn't push past that last threshold. His stomach rumbled. It had been more than a day since he last ate anything substantial. His mouth felt dry, but he didn't want to suck on any snow with how cold he was already feeling.
He tried to push through regardless, ignoring all the signs that his body didn't want to go to sleep.
You hurt Shali. You killed Brian. You deserve this.
Matthew clenched his fist as the visual of Brian's stiffened body flashed in his mind. He felt the panic, the dread, the unwarranted hope. Everything was so close to being okay, so close to being even just salvageable, but here he was.
Another flash. This time of Shali, and how horrified her expression was as she looked over at Neo in control of his body. She looked like she didn't recognize him, a stranger who had the face of who she loved. If things were different, she would be there next to him, they would be able to actually talk, but here he was.
His eyes stung as he pulled his knees closer to him. He sniffled, closing his eyes and hoping they would stop crying. There had already been enough of that. And yet, more still fell.
You hurt Shali. You killed Brian. You deserve this.
"Excuse me, mister? Are you okay?"
He blinked, unsure if he had heard the soft voice. It was confirmed as he looked up and saw a figure standing in front of him.
It was a young boy, no older than ten, bundled up in a white puffy winter coat with a thick flannel scarf wrapped around his neck. A pikachu sat on one of his shoulders, looking at Matthew with a tilted head.
Damn it.
"Momma says it's gonna snow a whole lot soon. Like a whole, whole lot," the boy said, making large motions with his hands. "Blizzard, she says."
Matthew peered into the boy's mind for a moment, just enough to find nothing linking him to Team Saber. Ryland was his name. He rolled his eyes slightly and looked back down. "I know what the weather's going to be, kid. I'll be fine, but you should get out of here."
"But you're gonna be stuck in it. Momma said I gotta help out people I see 'cause they might get hurt." Ryland gave a curt nod and the pikachu mimicked it.
This is the last thing I need right now. "I'm an adult, kid. Again, I'll be fine. Go back to your mom."
"B-but, don't you need help?" the boy asked, letting slip a shiver. He pointed at Matthew. "You're crying. And you got a lot of snow in your hair."
He brought his hand up to his face, feeling the wetness just beneath his eyes. It didn't surprise him. "I know."
"Um… well, um… you can come to my house for the blizzard, Momma always has some hot chocolate for big snows. It's really good!"
"It is!" A high-pitch voice chimed in, the pikachu.
"Didn't your mom tell you not to talk to strangers?" he muttered. His head was steadily throbbing, like a bell being rung between his ears.
"W-Well, she does, but she says I can if I got Blitz with me! She's the best pikachu around!"
You got Shali hurt.
Matthew bit his lip, and the metal taste was instant.
He looked up and fixed a hard stare at the boy. "Look… I really don't have any time for this. Maybe someone else needs your help, but not me."
Ryland's eyes went wide. "You… you have blood on your–"
"I know. Now, get out of here."
You got Brian killed.
"But… but… don't you need…" The boy's voice was barely a whisper as tears beaded in his eyes.
He held his head in his hands as the throbbing amplified. The thoughts spiraled. Images played over and over without pause. Brian collapsing in the kitchen, blood leaking out of his shirt. Darkness. Bright magenta as the grunt's throat glowed with energy. One after the other, they all came after him. They all fell. He felt their shots and punches, but didn't stop. It wasn't the grunts anymore. It was Shali. Then darkness again. He saw Brian. The blood. All that red. The feeling of hopelessness after each chest compression down, after each little twitch of the body, all before stopping and being forced to realize the truth that it was too late, that there was no going back, that–
You deserve this.
"Just go away, Ryland! You got that?!" he yelled. At his shout, a pulse of psychic energy shot out around, disturbing the snow on the tree and causing it all to fall down.
Matthew didn't see much aside from a curtain of white, but he could hear a yelp of surprise, a faint crackle of electricity, presumably from the pikachu, and small footsteps slowly moving away.
He shoved his shaking hands into the snow. The spiral was slowing. Slowly, his thoughts began steadying again.
Shit.
As he looked around, he couldn't see Ryland or his pikachu. He swore at himself. It was better that the kid was as far away from him as possible, but the fact he even let himself be in that situation in the first place was inexcusable. He knew he was far off the trail, but apparently not enough. Had he been sane, he would've thrown snow in the kid's face as soon as he showed up.
"A bit harsh, don't you think?"
Matthew kept staring at the snow. "It would've made him leave sooner," he muttered.
"Sure." Neo appeared in front of him, though Matthew could only see his legs from where he was looking. "Still, I'd say what you did was effective, if a little brazen."
He didn't take his eyes away and just rested in the little silence there was between Neo's words.
Neo knelt down in front of him, looking into his eyes. His shirt was a medium gray, a far departure from the black it normally was. "You'll have to find a new place now. Ryland saw you, he might tell his parents."
"I know."
"And you should probably do that soon. Who knows if he comes back?"
"Sure."
"Are you listening?"
"I've never been able to not listen." His eyes were still fixed in front of him, staring through Neo.
He had made sporadic appearances throughout the last couple days. He would say a few words, linger for a bit longer, then disappear as though nothing happened. There was no gloating or anything close to it, but it never felt like even ground. It was as though Neo was looking into the cage Matthew had built himself, as though he were a zookeeper.
"A shame, this was quite a nice place," Neo remarked. "Maybe we'll get better luck elsewhere."
"Maybe." Matthew took his hands out of the snow and rested them on his legs.
"Well? Are we gonna start any time soon?"
"Soon."
He didn't want to move. With how hectic and relentless his mind was, being able to stay put in one spot was among the only stable things he could rely on. It was almost more worth it to lay down and let the snow overtake his body than pick himself up and move to the next spot. In this case, he didn't have a choice but it wouldn't be pleasant in the interim.
Not yet though. Just a few more moments of whatever remnants of peace he still had.
"Not talkative today?" Neo asked.
Matthew didn't respond and closed his eyes.
"What, are you angry with me?"
There were a number of things Matthew was with Neo, angry not even cracking the highest ranks. Still, he didn't respond. He breathed slow, trying to ease the small throb in his head.
"You know, it's strange." Neo's tone had a tinge of reminiscence. "A little bit of deja vu, I suppose. We've done this song and dance before, right?"
Matthew opened his eyes to find Neo in front of him but with his back turned. "Do you think I care?"
Neo turned with a smirk. "Of course you do, that's why I'm talking right now." He turned back. "I remember it. Nearly nine years ago, me trying to drum up conversation, you blowing me off with a few words. This right here, it reminds me of it. Curious, don't you think?"
"Why don't you tell me what I think, Neo?" Matthew turned his head to the left, looking at the distant skyscrapers of Cherrygrove City.
"I've seen it; rather vulgar. But you know what's more curious, is that it had happened just a few days after our Deity Lab escape. Perhaps it's just a coincidence, but considering what happened recently–"
Matthew whipped his head back and shot a glare.
You hurt Shali. You killed Brian. You deserve this.
"Be. Quiet."
Neo raised his hands in sarcastic surrender. "Easy there, you told me to tell you what you think."
"Shut up." The peace was gone. Matthew stood up and brushed the snow from his legs then moved over to his arms. He took a look at Neo, scowled, then turned away and started walking. "I don't need this."
"Do you hate me Matthew? Do you want me to die? Do you want me to suffer until the very end?"
He gritted his teeth. "It's all the same answer."
"Hate me however much you want. Hate me more than Team Saber if you want. But accept this: Team Saber is the one who has caused your pain, not me. I'm a symptom; not the illness."
"You're an asshole."
"I'm on your side, Matthew. Even if you don't know it, I do what I do for you."
Matthew turned on a time, jabbing a finger at Neo. "I know it just fine. You've made that clear many, many times. So I suggest you stop."
Neo didn't skip a beat. His smirk had barely broken since it formed. "Let me rephrase. Even if you can't accept it, I do what I do for you."
"'For me.' That's funny, I can't remember the last time you ever did something for me that wasn't fucking off."
"I got you here."
"What the hell does that…" He stopped in confusion.
Neo shrugged. "Well, the way I see it, and what I think you're starting to picture, is that you remember how it was so long ago. It was only a split second back at the house, but it's all starting to settle back in, isn't it?"
You hurt Shali. You killed Brian. You deserve this.
Matthew shook his head, forcing the thought out. There was a pit in his stomach, and the weight of it almost made him sit down again.
"To put it one way, we had… grown too far apart. You and I had different ideals, and I needed to remind you why I'm still here, despite all the time and everything that happened within it."
"What did you do?" Matthew whispered, forcing himself to look Neo in the eye.
"For the most part, nothing. In my position, I can't really do any–"
"What did you do?!"
Neo's smirk broadened. "Oh, Matthew. All that time you spent alone. You wanted it so bad. I could feel it. Just to have someone, anyone. But you would never let yourself because you knew what would happen."
He remembered all those years spent teleporting from place to place, hardly letting anyone see him for more than a second. His fist clenched. He wanted to speak, but he couldn't find the strength.
"Shali was a nice surprise, perhaps exactly what you needed. I still needed to push you in the right direction, but I got what I needed in the end."
"What did you–" His voice was quiet, and immediately overtaken by Neo.
"And then Brian. Very unexpected, but not unwelcome in the slightest. It made things that much easier." Neo stepped closer. "You even doubled down on staying with them after almost getting caught. I could hardly believe it."
"You…" Matthew tried to come up with alternate explanations, but it didn't change reality. When he had wanted to leave Shali and Brian behind, Neo had convinced him otherwise.
"Then things were well, and you were happy, but you still wanted to do those missions. Of course you did. Anything to avoid the alternative." Neo took another step. "And then the dominoes started to fall."
Matthew couldn't move his body. He could hardly feel it at all.
Neo leaned in and whispered into his ear. "Do you know why you couldn't sense those grunts or Azen, but I could? Even though they were so near?" He tapped a finger against Matthew's head. "Because you were unfocused. You let yourself be clouded with thoughts of Shali and Brian and lost sight of what was important. I didn't. I never did. That's why I am so much more powerful."
Matthew turned and saw the face-splitting smile that Neo wore. He wanted to deny it, to throw any amount of Neo's words back and shatter that look he had on. But his mind kept circling back to that moment in the alley, a split second before the dark pulse slammed into him. He never saw them coming.
Neo stepped away. "I will say, I didn't expect Azen to return, but it certainly helped in the long run. You never even hesitated to go after her. It hardly mattered that you were barely alive. You just teleported out in the open without a second thought. And tell me, did you enjoy that small burst of my energy to help get her back?"
What? I thought that was just my second wind, I didn't–
"Well, I couldn't just leave you. Not with the show you were about to put on. And you didn't disappoint." Neo snickered. "Tell me, do you think you killed Azen?"
I… I'm sure I didn't. I was hitting hard but…
"But nothing. You didn't care how hard you were hitting. And if not killed, then did it feel good brutalizing him like that? Did hearing his jaw break against your fist elicit good memories?"
"Stop…" he muttered.
"Stop? Stop what?" Neo faced him straight on. "Do you not like hearing all the pain you've caused by avoiding the problem all this time? You were killing yourself, Matthew. Forcing yourself to be uncomfortable. All you had to do was accept what you wanted and it would be over, but no. You had to drag everyone down with you."
"Stop… please…" Matthew felt his mouth run dry.
"You asked me what I did, and my answer is this; nothing. I gave you a slight push here and there, but that's it. Everything else was your choice, and this is the result of it all."
He felt his body collapse. His knees went into the snow and he fell forward into it. Every part of him was covered in snow, but he couldn't feel cold at all.
"We can end this, Matthew." Neo's tone took a sudden shift. It was like he was back in his cell in the Deity Lab, just talking with the one friend that was always there. "When it's over, I'll be gone and you can rest. You won't have to live your life like this anymore."
He pushed himself up from the snow, water dripping from his face. His arm covered his eyes, ready to catch the tears that he knew were coming.
"Shali is still there. She's alive. Isn't it worth making the world a better place for her to live in?"
He nodded.
"Let me in, Matthew. Once, then never again. It'll all be over."
Matthew looked up at Neo who was smiling warmly. The gray on his clothing was now replaced with a nearly perfect white, almost like what he had seen the first day in the Deity Lab. "Please…"
Neo's eyes lit up. "Of course. You want what I want."
Matthew stood back up and wiped his eyes as the first tears dropped.
Neo slowly extended a hand, waiting for Matthew's own. "Nine years, but it looks like you've finally come around."
He reached, then hesitated. "Not… Not yet."
An eyebrow raised. "Oh?"
"I… need to do some stuff first."
Neo nodded. "Of course, do whatever you need. You know where to find me," he said with a smirk, then vanished.
Matthew breathed deep, forcing himself to stay standing and not collapse in the snow again.
You hurt Shali. You killed Brian. You deserve this.
You deserve this.
Shali stood in front of the tree, staring at the Aperta tribe symbol engraved upon it.
Her paw tightened on her spear as her nerves ate away at her. She wanted to do it. And she didn't want to do it. The same thing over and over, yet it never got easier. It always took so much to work herself up enough to commit to the act.
She tilted the spear up, pushing the tip into the bark. The snow filtered from the canopy above laid the first few particles on the shaft. Her grip trembled. The tip scratched a piece of the symbol away and she stopped herself.
She never came to terms with how much she hated that symbol until she was surrounded by it. All her life in the tribe it was the norm, even after the tribe and being blessed with Matthew. But now it was different. Everything about it was just wrong. She never wanted to see it again. No more.
Her paws were shaking.
She thought of her father, one of the higher ranking members of the tribe and proud of it. So proud that he would do anything for the tribe, no matter the cost. Even if it meant giving his daughter's life away to the one lucario she hated more than anyone else, and then have the gall to lecture her about doing what was best. He couldn't be called a father. No actual father could do what he had done to her. Anything for his pride, nothing for his daughter.
They trembled harder.
She thought of Azen, the strongest of her tribe. When he was young and showing off it was innocent enough, but in his mature years he showed who he was. If he wanted it he got it, and if he didn't, he would go through anyone who stood in his way. He had wanted her. And she almost let it happen. She was nothing. She had nothing. She was…
She could feel herself losing balance
Matthew. Her love. Seemingly just another human who stumbled into the tribe's territory, but there was so much more about him. She wanted to go with him, if for no other reason then he was interesting to her. They were blessed together, sharing the same mark that she saw before her. It was just symbolic before, but they had become something more fitting of the marks. They were mates, lovers. After everything was done, they would be able to truly be together without restraint. It would be perfect. But… that sound of breaking glass… that pain, over and over again… those dead magenta eyes… his screams of anguish… that blinding light before utter silence–
Her grip became iron and she dragged the spear across the symbol, digging hard into the bark and revealing a thick band of sapwood within.
Shali stared at the scar for a moment, and within the next, all of her strength vanished. Her spear dug into the ground as her weight shifted onto it. Her legs dropped. She leaned her head against the spear's shaft.
She was alone.
The shock from Matthew teleporting away lasted only until she saw blue and red lights flashing from outside. After that, it was a blur of grabbing her spear and running until her legs failed her.
And so she was here; the forest she had been exiled from. It was the only place she could think of that was safe and familiar. But it was neither of those things to her anymore. The consistent marks on trees denoting the Aperta tribe territory bored a constant reminder into her of where she dare not travel. But she just couldn't avoid it.
She let out a little giggle amongst the tears. She couldn't help it. How ironic it was that her job was to help patrol the border, only for her now to tear those symbols down.
Azen occupied a dark corner in her mind, always present and causing paranoia to flare often. It had become less impactful as the days had gone by with no indication of his scent or movement, and hardly any sights other than small pokemon. He seemed to no longer be within the forest. Or if he was, no longer within the Aperta tribe's territory.
Shali pushed down on her spear and stood up again. Her breath was still shaky, but she felt more composed. One paw came up and wiped away the remnants of tears.
Matthew… I miss you. I don't know if I can do this. It's all so hard… I want to see you again. I know you're hurting, so please just let me hurt with you. She let out her breath and turned around, ready to start moving again.
A lucario was watching her.
Shali stumbled back and hit the tree she had just defaced. Her breath hitched and her spear pointed out on instinct. Her eyes locked onto the target.
It was a lucario from the Aperta tribe, no doubt, and someone high-ranking at that. The markings on the chest spike gave them away, but there were two things more that caught her attention. One were the grey furs along his snout and ears, the other being the shards of metal dangling from his wrists from strings.
"E-Elder Arphal..?" she whispered.
"Rather nice to be remembered. Is it not, Shali?" Arphal smiled at her. His voice was just as archaic as she remembered. "You may lower your spear. I have no wish to fight."
She kept a firm grip on the spear but let it drop from one paw and allowed gravity to point it down. "I… was not expecting to see you again."
"Nor I. It's pleasant to see you in good health."
"You as well… Elder." The last word came without her thinking it.
"Oh, I reckon I'm not as spry as my younger years, but you flatter me with that moniker. Surely I'm not your elder anymore."
"Well, that is–"
"I believe the declaration was made clear; you were exiled from the tribe and this area some time ago. One would expect that you would abide by it."
"Yes, I understand that–"
"But I suspect there are some factors at play that I am unaware of." He stepped forward and for a moment, she started raising her spear again before letting herself breathe.
"Why are you here?" she asked.
"It appears I have the same question." He continued to approach and stopped just a few feet short. "You were seen by a border patrol member yesterday, catching you in the middle of defacing another of the border markers."
It makes sense. I wasn't being secret about it. She didn't care about the tribe potentially seeing her. If she needed to move, she would, but no prying eyes would stop her from what she wanted to do.
"Naturally, they reported it to me. There was quite a fuss about you amongst everyone, I must say. Many, many strong words were spoken." He lowered and shook his head. "It seems with your aura ability and relation to the human, you're regarded as somewhat dangerous. Considering the… fervent… display by many of the tribe members, I felt it would be better to approach you myself."
"I still have my spear. I could be dangerous to you," she said. Her eyes drifted down to it and twitched at how hard she was holding onto it. Exhaling deeply did little to help.
Arphal nodded. "I imagine so. Now, if you were planning to impale me, I would suggest starting soon. If not, perhaps you can answer my own question; Why are you here?"
"And if I don't want to answer?" Her grip still hadn't fully relaxed.
There was a sigh. "I won't force you to speak, but you still must leave the territory."
"Perhaps I will come back and continue my work."
"And you would be free to do so, but I cannot guarantee your safety. The other members won't speak before attacking, and I don't wish that for you."
An unexpected spark of anger struck her. "I'm certain you don't wish that for me, but you certainly had no trouble allowing my father to bless me with Azen. Was my safety of concern then?"
Arphal shook his head. "Shali, there is only so much I can do at any time. I didn't know that your father had already spoken with Azen and–"
"Of course you knew, how could you not?"
"Had I known what was occurring, I would've–"
"Stop lying!" she yelled. "You knew and did nothing!"
"Shali–"
"Why speak? Do you expect me to believe whatever excuse comes out?" Her paws were trembling again and her voice became shaky. "All that time before the blessing and you did nothing! You knew what Azen was like, you saw him grow up and be cruel! Y-You saw him hurt all those tribe members and b-barely tried to stop him! H-He's evil and you j-j-just let him live l-like there was nothing wrong, b-b-but you knew! Y-You saw everything! I… I d-d-don't understand, Elder… W-Why… Why let h-him st-st-stay with the tribe… W-Why let him e-e-even l-live… I…"
She could hardly see in front of her with how clouded her eyes were. Her strength had vanished again, and only the spear, driven deep into the snow, kept her from crumpling to the ground.
It was all coming down. Her heart pounded. She couldn't feel anything around her anymore. Her paw was grabbing something but she couldn't see it. Azen was there, in front of her, blood-streaked fur across his face with a stare pinning her to where she was. She could smell the blood on him. Everything beyond him was cloaked in darkness; it was just him and her. No one was coming.
"You are nothing." His fist came forth.
The pain slammed into her like a wave. She couldn't breathe. There was iron on her tongue.
"You have nothing." Another fist.
And another wave. Her body ached with bruises scattered across her body.
"You are mine."
Azen's last hit caused her to fall. She couldn't move. Nothing in her wanted to comply. It just wanted the pain to stop. She laid there, tears falling down her face as she silently prayed that he was done, satisfied that he had gotten what he wanted.
Matthew… Please, Matthew… All Shali wanted was to see him, to hear his voice, to feel his hand in her paw. Just that small bit of warmth, of security. It would be enough, she knew it, but he wasn't there. She was still alone in the darkness, suffocating in the miasma.
She was nothing.
She had nothing.
She was–
"I am sorry, Shali."
The shadows pulled back, giving back her sight. She was lying flat on the snow, spear still strongly gripped in her paw. She was still trembling. In the corner of her vision, she could see the legs of Arphal. Then, just a moment later, he was kneeling in front of her.
"There is only so many times I can say it before it becomes a burden on your ears, but I mean every one of them." He offered a paw out to her. "You were undeserving of the fate you were given."
Her breath was steadying, but it wasn't bringing her heart down. She moved a paw towards him, then hesitated.
Arphal nodded. "I don't expect a chance to explain myself, but I would if you allow me to. It doesn't excuse what has happened, not at all. However, I hope that knowing what has transpired can give you some peace. It seems that is what you need right now."
Peace. It had been some time since she knew peace. There was always something hanging above her head. The blessing, Team Saber, everything that happened with Azen. And now Matthew was gone. Her chest tightened at the thoughts and another tear escaped her. Looking at Arphal's paw, she realized she needed to take whatever peace that was offered. What it entailed, she didn't know, but anything was better than the pit she was trapped in.
Shali reached out and grabbed his paw. With a pull, he brought her up into a sitting position. She couldn't bring herself to stand.
Arphal sat down as well and let go of her paw. He sighed, a melancholic expression on his face. "Some years ago, your father approached me about approval for a blessing between you and another tribe member. He did not mention who the other was." His eyes closed. "I trusted your father. I trusted he had spoken with you before, that this was what you wanted."
She felt numb, but she pushed herself to keep listening. She laid her spear across her lap, one paw still holding it tight.
"It was too late once I learned the truth. The blessing had been approved, and that couldn't be taken back. A small lapse in my judgment, and I had condemned you to something you had no say in." He looked at her sadly. "I know you blame your father, and you are right to. But know that I share the blame."
"Why…" she whispered, then shook her head. She spoke louder. "Why didn't you stop Azen?"
Arphal's ears twitched and he appeared confused, though only for a moment. He looked away for a moment, eyes unfocused. "You know how the tribe is. Your father embodied it well, unfortunately. However they claim it to be, it can all be narrowed down to a dogmatic pursuit of strength from within.
"I was only recently made the elder when Azen began showing promise. Even from just a small riolu he had been praised by everyone around him, myself included. Had I known what he would grow into, perhaps I would have held my tongue." He ran a paw across his head, trailing over his ears and aura sensors. "It seemed my disillusionment was not shared by many. He was immensely strong, showed incredible talent, and possessed a powerful aura ability. For the majority of the tribe, there was little reason to look beyond. His victims did not share the same sentiment."
Shali pulled her spear closer. "So you really did know… And still you let him go on."
"I want to make this clear, Shali. The tribe is allergic to change, but that does not mean I am. My members were being needlessly hurt and I couldn't allow it to continue. I mended their injuries when I could, I gave them lessons on weapons to protect themselves, I hid them whenever they asked, never needing a reason why. Had I…" He sighed again. "Had I spoken out and condemned him for doing what he had been once condoned for… I would not be the elder right now, and someone far more favorable to Azen would be. And I doubt his victims would be given the same graces I had granted."
She stayed quiet. Her thoughts were tangled in each other, and she was struggling to find exactly how she felt about everything she was hearing.
"I try to do the very best for my fellow tribe members, but that doesn't mean I'm infallible. Regretfully, I feel it happens too often. When I learned you were to be blessed with Azen, I realized there was nothing I could do to stop it. I wouldn't be able to protect you once everything had gone through." He looked at her straight on. "But Sphaera must smile upon you for that human to come through our space. I–"
"Matthew is gone."
The wind blew lightly between them. Her paws were shaking, though only slightly. Arphal looked surprised, and Shali felt her own surprise with how suddenly the words came out.
"That… is why I'm here," she continued.
"Matthew… The human, correct?" Arphal asked.
"There was… an accident." Shali breathed, giving her shaking time to subside. "Some others got hurt, including me, and… he blames himself."
"And do you think he is right to?"
"No… yes… I… I'm not sure and… I don't care. Whether or not, I still want him here. I…" She lowered her head. "I need him here."
It was quiet again. Shali couldn't bring herself to look up and face her former elder. If her words hadn't written things out plainly, she knew her aura would be almost too easy to read.
Arphal let out a quiet chuckle. "I must admit, when you selected the human to be your substitute, I had my suspicions. Regardless, hearing it from you is quite surprising."
She shook her head, still not looking. "I never… thought it would happen, but… there was something so… incredible about him. I could feel it every time we touched, or spoke earnestly with each other, that feeling of… connection." A small smile came to her. "Falling in love with a human. Perhaps I was destined to leave the tribe."
"Perhaps you were," Arphal said softly. "Though… do I detect a hint of regret in your tone?"
Shali finally looked up. The elder's expression was gentle, understanding. "I don't regret leaving, not for one moment."
"And you shouldn't. Nevertheless, as it stands, you are within the tribe's borders and I cannot allow you to stay. However… there is something I can do."
"Something?"
"I can lift your exile."
Her ears perked, unsure if she had just heard Arphal correctly. "What?"
He nodded. "I cannot allow an exiled member to remain within the borders, but I also do not like seeing you in this state. I have the authority to revoke my words, and you can return should you so wish."
"I don't… understand, Elder. Why… Why would I ever want to come back?"
"Because as much as you are connected to Matthew, you are still connected to the tribe."
She gripped her spear tighter. "Connected to what? The pain? The memories that I want to forget?" Her voice cracked. "I don't want any of that."
"And yet here you are. There is free territory belonging to no pokemon near us, but you chose to return to Aperta territory. To face these symbols that you despise."
"To destroy them."
"Destroy, yes, but why? Is it because, in the grand scheme of it all, that these symbols being destroyed is inconsequential?" He gestured to the scarred tree with his paw, the metal shards dangling from his wrist clinked together. "You want to erase what is, but cannot find the courage to commit to it."
Shali's ears flattened against her head. "I don't understand what you're saying."
"The tribe shaped you, Shali. For better or worse, it is part of who you are." He smiled. "You followed the tribe's dogma as much as any other. You found strength. Fearsome strength, might I add. And that strength showed in defying your father, in choosing your own path. That came from somewhere."
"And I left. I let it go. The tribe has no power over me anymore."
"It does not, but you haven't let go. That version of you who is still in the tribe, who awoke every day and did her duties without question, who practiced with a spear until she was exhausted. She still has power over you. You may have ignored her to focus on who you were after the tribe, but she never left. And when you had nowhere else to turn, she was there, waiting for you."
She looked down at her paws, seeing how they both were tight against her spear.
"You want to be someone more than just your tribe, and I want that for you too. But if you allow who you were to dictate who you want to be, then you will never be able to move forward."
The statement hung in the air between them. Shali's mind drifted to her first real conversation with Matthew. For all the reasons she had to ignore his words and focus on her duty as guard, she was talking with him. Even when looking into his aura and seeing the guilt he felt for trying to use her to escape, there was something deep within her that demanded she explore this path further. That there was an alternative.
"I…" she started, then paused to gather her thoughts. "With Matthew… I feel like… like I can be whoever I want to be. Like all the things that I was taught about strength and pride don't matter anymore. But without him…" Her voice grew quiet. "I feel lost. Like I'm drifting between who I was and who I want to be."
Arphal nodded slowly. "And so you returned to what you knew, even if you hated it. I know the tribe played host to many bad memories, but it gave you structure and purpose. You knew what to expect from it. And sometimes the familiar pain is easier to bear than the unknown."
"But I don't want to be that person anymore," she whispered. "I don't want to be the dutiful daughter or the willing mate to a monster… or anything the tribe wanted me to be."
"Then who do you want to be?"
"I want…" Her voice strengthened. "I want to be someone who can live without fear. Someone who can show kindness without seeing it as weakness. I want to protect those who I love and fight against those who oppose me. I… I want to be the lucario that Matthew sees when he looks at me."
He smiled at her. "I think you already are that lucario, Shali. You just need to finally let that piece of the tribe go."
"How can I do it?"
"That depends if you would want to return to the tribe or remain in exile. Though, I believe I know your answer."
She felt a subtle smile come to her. "You said that you hoped I would find peace. I won't find it with the tribe."
Arphal stood up and Shali came up with him. "Find your human. You started on your path to let go with him, and you will finish it with him as well."
Her smile disappeared. "But… I don't know where he is."
"You very much do." He looked down at her right paw and she raised it to her eyes, leaning her spear against her body. The Aperta symbol stared back at her. Despite all the other markings she had defaced, she never considered touching the one given to her and Matthew. "You have all that you need."
"The symbol?"
"It is more than that. It is the mark of a blessing, the forging of two auras. You can feel it, can't you?" Arphal continued. "That connection, even now. It is why you haven't felt compelled to destroy this symbol like the rest."
She traced over the symbol with her free paw. The black lines were still as crisp and smooth as the day it was given to her. And yet, as she focused closely on it, she began to feel something more. It was subtle, as though a mere zephyr had brushed by the tip of her ear, but she felt it.
"There's… something," she admitted. "It's… so faint, but I can feel it. A whisper in the wind."
"Trust yourself and follow that whisper. You will find your human." Arphal nodded with approval.
"Thank you, Elder." She grabbed her spear and breathed out, feeling a small bit of weight lifted off of her shoulders. "Before I go, may I ask something?"
"Of course."
As soon as she started to speak, she stopped, debating whether or not she wanted to hear the answer. Then continued, because she knew she would never know otherwise. "My father… what did he say when I was seen again?"
Arphal's face took on a solemn expression. "He didn't say anything, I'm afraid."
Shali sighed, looked down, and nodded. She didn't expect much more from her father, but there had been a small part of her mind that hoped she would gain a more notable reaction than indifference. It seemed he had just as easily let go of her as she had of him.
She stood tall and tapped the heel of her spear on the snow. "It's time for me to leave. Thank you again. I… I hope the tribe can change for the better."
Arphal extended a paw out. "I hope so too. There's no end to how many times I should say this: I apologize, Shali. I am sorry that I could not have done better for you. I truly wanted you to be happy, as I do all of my tribe members. But I can only do so much."
She grabbed his paw with her own. "You're not the one who needs to apologize. And I don't want to hear it from the one who does."
He placed another paw on top and gave a firm shake. "May Sphaera guide you."
At that, she pulled her paw away and turned around. She didn't want to look back; this was no longer where she belonged.
Shali concentrated on the symbol on her wrist again. It was still incredibly faint, but there was no denying the whisper was present. She took a step towards where the strange force was leading her. There was no difference in intensity, but she felt correct in her direction, as though it were another sense.
It would lead her to Matthew. She needed it to.
"Jus… Jus turn thad shidoff, Buck… I… I doan wanna hear it," Detective Derek Brolin slurred out. His hand felt around the half-empty whiskey glass in front of him, debating whether or not to send another splash down his throat.
A stocky man with bushy ginger beard stood across from the bar counter, filling a glass mug with beer. He furrowed his equally bushy eyebrows. "Can ye repeat that? Ye're not makin' much sense, De'ek," he said, voice rich with an upper galarian accent.
"The TV… I wannit to… t'stop. I doan wanna hear whad they'll say..." He gave in and drank the last bit of whiskey in the glass. His face warmed as it crept down his throat. "Nuther… Nuther one."
Buck handed the beer to the patron left of Derek. He turned his head up and Derek followed his gaze to the TV that hung over the bar. In his slightly blurred vision, he saw a brunette news anchor speaking words he couldn't quite comprehend. "It's only th' news. An' I canno–"
"Nah… they're gonna say it. They're gonna… gonna say whad happened ann I'm… I'm gonna ged pissed… fuggin' pissed..." He gripped the empty whiskey glass tight.
"Tak' it easy, laddie." The bartender pinched the glass in Derek's grip and pulled it away.
"Soooo stupid… stupid, stupid…" He mumbled, rubbing his face. "Jus… you'll seeit. They're gonna talk 'bout Brian again…"
There was a quiet whine from the right of him. Turning slightly, he saw the growlithe sitting on the barstool, head buried in his own fur.
"Sor… sorry, Pele… I dinninn mean t'say his name." He reached over and carefully stroked Pele's fur. The warmth felt almost comforting between his fingers.
The growlithe didn't react to his motions and just sighed, sinking his head deeper into himself. "Grow… Growlithe…"
"I know… Yea… I know," he whispered to him.
"Ye got his pokebaa? Probably better tae pit heem back in," Buck said. Derek looked back and saw he now had a washcloth and was wiping down the area left of him. "Nae pleasant fer a wee one."
"Can't… Gess sooo sressed in there… Ann I doan wanna leave him adhome… He cries when I'm gone… ann I cry when he's gone…"
"Ah see."
"Jus… jus wanna see'imm happy…" He looked down at his empty hands, the dryness of his mouth suddenly becoming apparent. "Wer… where's ma drink?"
Buck shook his head. "Nae mair drinks. A've awreddy lit ye hae far tae many."
"Whad… bullshit." He gave a wry smile. "Come onnnn… jus furra friend?"
"Nae. A'm daein thes 'cause ye're mah friend. Only water fer ye."
Derek dropped his smile and swatted at the air in front of him. "Forgeddit… why'd I even come here…" He let his head fall onto the bar counter, thoughts swimming around his head as fervently as the alcohol was in his bloodstream.
The mix of cigarette smoke and mint permeating the air, the relaxing jazz that played from the jukebox, the faint taste of whiskey still on his tongue. He used to enjoy all the aspects of Buck's hole-in-the-wall bar. It was never too crowded, especially during the early evening, save for a few who were slaves to the bottle. There was no place better to get shitfaced on the odd night or two. But tonight, there was nothing to enjoy.
The whole point of coming here was to numb the grief. To forget for just a brief moment of time. He couldn't avoid it. There was just too much that couldn't be silenced, echoing in his mind like a dissonant chord.
"...are hopeful they can find the lost shinx. In recent news, there have been several developments in the case of a murdered police officer."
The voice of the news anchor pierced Derek's ear and he looked up at the television. He only got a glimpse of the news anchor before it transitioned to a shot of Brian's house.
"Heyyyy! I fuggin' told you… t'turn idoff!" he called out to Buck. He only realized how loud he was with Buck quickly snapping his head back to him. It didn't make him lower his volume. "I doan wanna watch this!"
"Easy, easy, De'ek. Lets jist–"
"Jus fuggin' turn idoff!" He pointed a wavering finger at the television.
"... break-in of what appears to be multiple gang members. Several neighbors reported to have seen several figures approaching on all sides of the home," the news anchor continued.
"Stupid!" he shouted. Even sloshed beyond belief, he could feel several pairs of eyes boring into him. He didn't care. "Yeahhhh… yeah… they saw soooo mush… Real helpful! Fuggin' idits…"
Buck nodded and placed a hand on Derek's shoulder. "A'know. Noo calm doon. I'll fin' th' remote."
"Fug off!" He brushed the hand off. "They doan even know… whad they're talkin' 'bout… Someone wanned Brian dead! I know't!"
Pele whined again from beside him. In an instant, he was transported back to that moment in the station just past midnight. Bleary-eyed, hearing half-focused after getting the phone call just a few minutes before. He had hardly heard all the sympathetic words people were giving him as he pushed through the crowd. Denial was a hurricane. It swallowed up anything other than the sweet lie he was repeating to himself.
But then he had seen Pele, laying in that blanketed cardboard box, crying. And the desk beside him had been empty.
The hurricane had dissipated, and it had begun to rain.
"Those assholes!" Derek yelled. His fists were balled so tight he could faintly feel his nails digging into skin. "Sayin' all thad shid… 'bout conflict uhf innerest. Fug them! I'll invessigade on m'own 'cause he wuz my pardner ann… ann…"
"There. It's aff. Noo jist breathe, De'ek," Buck said. The remote was in his hand, finger resting on the power button.
"Noo… you doan unnersann… He wuz ackin' sooo ssrange a month ago… All shaky an shid… Starded yellin' ad a guy for some reason… Said he wuz sick, bud I jus thod he had somethin' on his mine… He'd ged through it, I knew… I knew he would…" His voice faltered on the last few words. His eyes kept getting more blurry, and feeling something dripping down his cheeks let him know why. "Some… somethin' wuz happenin' t'him ann I did jag fuggin' shit t'help. He pissed someone off… or helped the wrong person or… or… whatever…" His voice kept cracking, and he stopped trying to hold it back. "Why… why dinninn I ask him more? Why'd I jus brush it all off…? I'm… I'm terrible… I'm sooo fuggin' terrible."
He covered his head with his hands and let loose a trembling breath. Slowly, he looked around at the people sitting next to him and the others in the bar's rounded booths. There were so many pairs of eyes staring at him, but none of them felt nearly as piercing as Pele's were on that night two days ago. He dropped his head until it rested on the bar counter.
Almost every night he came to Buck's, there was a poor sap sitting up at the bar, drunk out of their mind, and shaking intensely from their crying. Their reasons varied but their presence was a near constant. It seemed he was given that responsibility tonight. He almost felt like laughing at how things had turned out. Was this it? Rock bottom? He certainly felt pathetic enough for it. If this wasn't, then he prayed to Arceus that the journey down would be a quick one.
There was the sound of a bell as Buck's front door opened and just a moment later, Derek heard footsteps approaching him. They stopped, then were followed by the squeak of someone sitting on a barstool.
Great. Another person to watch the drama, he thought. He raised his head up a few degrees and sighed. Go ahead and judge, whoever you are. Say a few words for all I care. I've done the same.
But he didn't hear any judgment, nor any words. Rather, the only thing he heard was Pele's whining which sounded… excited?
Derek turned his head to the right. Pele wasn't no longer curled up on the barstool and instead had propped up his front legs against the hooded stranger that had seemingly just sat down. The growlithe's tail was wagging and he was nuzzled against the stranger's snow-dusted parka.
"Pele, stop… stop 'nnoying him," he said, relieved to find that his voice had gotten much calmer.
"It's fine," the stranger said, a surprisingly young voice coming from under the hood. He slowly pushed Pele down and gave him a few pets down his back. His head stayed forward, not revealing what his face looked like. "I know Pele."
"Yuh do?"
"Brian… used to walk him around our neighborhood."
"Ohhh… thas nice…" Derek wiped across his face, picking up any tears that were still stuck to it. "You got… you got a pokemon you walk with?"
The stranger was quiet for a few seconds, then nodded. "Shali."
"Shali… Yeah… Shali issa nice name…"
"It is."
Buck walked past Derek to the stranger. "Weel laddie, whit can Ah git fer ye?"
"Just water please," the stranger replied.
"Water, huh?" Buck gave a hearty belly laugh, shaking his head. "Tak' nae offense, but ye could've chosen quite a lot'ta different places fer water."
The stranger shrugged. "Well, I ended up here. As likely as I would any other place."
"Cannae faut ye then. I'll jist…" Buck stopped and leaned in close to the stranger, eyes squinting. "Hauld oan, ye dornt soond quite auld enaw tae be here. What's yer age, laddie?"
"Thirty one… wait. Thirty two, my birthday was a week ago."
"Aye. An' A'm jist a day oer seventeen." The bartender shook his head with a grin. "A'm nae blind, an Ah can see a wee bit of that face under yer hood. Gonna need some ID if ye–"
The sound of glass shattering sent all eyes over to the source. There was a booth near the back of the bar with a group of six people sitting around it. Four large glass mugs were on the table, and the remaining two had fallen and broken on the floor, spilling beer across the hardwood floor.
"Ye lot'ta numpties!" Buck shouted, moving across the bar towards the group. "Ye e'en watch whaur yer hands goin'?!"
"I… I didn't touch it! It's like it moved on its own!" one of the people sitting in the booth said.
"Isn't 'at a crock fool 'a shite?! Jist lit me clean it up." Buck stepped out from behind the bar and grabbed the broom that sat in the corner.
Derek chuckled. At least the regulars won't think too hard about me. Getting Buck pissed off is quite the feat.
"So he doesn't get angry often?" the stranger beside him asked.
"Nooo… nod really… 'cept when his glasses ged broken. He–" He stopped himself. I didn't say that out loud, did I…?
"You didn't, Derek."
Derek froze. He could feel his heartbeat start to rise and his breathing quicken. His head turned seemingly on its own towards the stranger and he could finally see what was under the hood.
It was… just a kid. His face looked no older than twenty, even with how tired his eyes looked. His hair, if he had any, was obscured by what looked like a toque coming down to his forehead. He had a slight smile, but his expression gave off something more, almost bittersweet.
All of a sudden, there was a slight pressure in the back of his head.
"My name is Matthew Alexander. Yes, I'm speaking directly to your mind. I'm a psychic."
He almost fell out of his barstool at the shock of it. Almost. An invisible force was cushioning his back, preventing him from moving any further. It lightly pushed him back up until he rested comfortably on the seat again. The stranger, Matthew, had his hand slightly out, and Derek could see wisps of magenta energy coming out from them.
"Holy shid…" he whispered as the wisps vanished into the air. "You… really are–"
"We can't speak out loud. Just think about what you want to say." Matthew looked over Derek's shoulder. "I have a lot to tell you, and I don't have a lot of time to tell it. Please, this is about Brian."
Everything was happening so quickly, but hearing Brian's name cut through most of the mess. He breathed deep, one hand on his chest as he felt his heart begin to slow. "How did–" He shook his head, focused his swimming mind, and looked at Matthew. How did you find me?
"I first checked the police department, but you weren't there. I read some of your colleagues' minds and you mentioned to them you were going to Buck's. I got lucky that I found you here." Matthew turned and looked towards the wall. "It'll seem strange if we're just staring at each other without saying anything."
Following, Derek also looked forward, though still gave Matthew frequent glances. I don't like this at all.
"I know, and I'm sorry. I would never do this if it wasn't important, but… I'm really on my last legs here." Matthew rested his hands on the bar counter as Pele started to nuzzle against his arm. On his right hand, there seemed to be some kind of tattoo, inked in black. The sleeve of the parka obscured most of it, however.
Last legs? What are you talking about?
"Brian… is dead. And he died because he got involved with something that I never should have let him into to begin with." Matthew's mental voice wavered. "He was my friend… a friend from a long time ago."
A long time ago? You're… just a kid. Derek could still remember the face under the hood. That wasn't the whiskey deceiving him, right? How could you know him?
"It's complicated, and not something I have time to explain right now." There was an audible sigh from Matthew. He gave Pele a few scratches under his chin. "There is a group, one that has kept itself in the shadows for a long time. They were the ones who killed Brian."
Derek felt his breath get cut short. He stared down, through the bar counter, through the floor. Maybe it was his drunkenness, maybe it was the fact Matthew was a psychic, but… he believed him. I… I thought it was just gang activity… That's what they told me from the initial investigation at the scene. That's what they gave to the news.
"They're… good at what they do. It makes sense they wouldn't want you close to the investigation. You might discover something they wouldn't want you seeing."
They? Who the fuck is they?
Matthew was quiet for a few seconds. "If I tell you… I need you to do something for me."
Derek nodded quickly. Sure. Fine.
"No, you don't understand. It's not fine. There… there is a good chance you will die, if you choose to do this. I can't guarantee what will happen after tonight."
Tonight?
Matthew stopped scratching Pele. "The things I'm going to do… I don't see many scenarios that I really survive. I've spent so long trying to spread word of… this horrible group. And I can't let it go to waste. I refuse to let them stay hidden."
There were so many questions that Derek was having trouble keeping track, moreso with his drunken mind. He kept focusing on his heartbeat, reassuring himself that this was real. So who is 'they?'
"There's an SD card in your pocket. It has a video that I've made time and again. It'll tell you everything you need to know. Everything about me, the group, and what's to come." He looked at Derek. "If you choose to watch that video tonight, I need you to send it out as much as you can tomorrow. News agencies, radio stations, other police precincts, whatever. Just get it out there."
Derek dropped a hand and felt the outside of his jacket pocket, keeping an eye on Matthew. There was a small, hard, rectangular piece that wasn't there before. He shoved his hand inside and felt plastic. It was actually there. And if I do this… I might die? What's stopping me from agreeing to take it and then not following through on anything?
"Absolutely nothing. I won't stop you. If you want to watch the video, get the truth, and do nothing else, fine. That's the same deal everyone who has found the video has been given. They don't have to do anything, and they know the risks if they choose to act."
Then why me? There are plenty of other detectives in the precinct.
"Brian chose to act. And he helped me spread the message you have in your pocket right now." Derek wasn't sure because of the hood's shadow, but Matthew's eyes looked watery. "You were his partner. And… he trusted you."
Matthew pushed himself off the barstool as he sent out his last word, immediately turning and starting to walk to the bar's exit. Pele whined as he got further away.
"Wa… Wait…" Derek sputtered out, trying to get off of the barstool as well. An invisible force was keeping him in place. I have so many questions, please.
"I know. The video has the answers." He pushed open the door, ringing the bell again, and stepped outside. "I'm sorry for putting this on you."
The door closed and a few seconds later, Derek felt the force holding him down suddenly release. He lurched forward, grabbing onto the bar counter to steady himself. He exhaled hard, letting go of the breath that he didn't know he was holding.
"Growlithe?" Pele said, touching his paw to Derek's leg.
I… I don't even know what…
"Weel, seems loch he buggered aff," Buck said, walking back towards Derek. He wiped his hands with a handkerchief and stuffed it into his pocket. "Ye feelin' alrecht? Ye lookin' like ye've seen a ghost."
Derek looked from Buck down to Pele. The growlithe was looking up, and his eyes looked the happiest they had been in the past two days. If nothing else, Pele seemed to trust Matthew.
He felt the SD card between his fingers. The weight of it felt heavier than it should. His mind swam as he palmed the little device, partly from the whiskey, partly from what had just happened. That tiny pressure in the back of his head was still faintly present, a reminder that he hadn't just hallucinated Matthew speaking to him.
Brian chose to act.
"Yeah… yeah, jus… I'll take some water," he said finally, closing his hand around the SD card.
Shali ignored the cold bite of the wind as she walked through the human neighborhood. The sky loomed heavy and low, dropping large flakes upon her. Dark clouds had casted the area into twilight some time ago. Humans who walked around the area stopped and stared when they saw her, but she paid them no mind. She had been walking for four hours.
The time wasn't what she paid attention to, however. It was that light whisper that she had slowly become more attuned with. She still needed to concentrate to follow where it led her, but the time between stopping was becoming less and less.
Her pace had quickened in the past thirty minutes. The whisper already changed directions twice in that time. Matthew was teleporting. The first time had surprised her by how much more noticeable the whisper had become; he had gotten closer. The second time was more slight, but still a change in direction. She didn't know what he was doing, but she needed to get to him quickly if there was ever a hope of finding him.
She had caught herself looking down and staring at the symbol on her paw every few minutes. There was still a part of her mind that doubted it. That all the whispers she heard were nothing more than hallucinations and that she was chasing an empty hope. She dismissed that part quickly, but it was hard to fully forget.
The wind blew against her, sending snow into her face. She shook her head and looked up. The clouds had darkened further. There was no sign of the sun anywhere, leaving only the lampposts to shed light where she walked.
Shali breathed and held her spear against her body. I won't stop. If it stretches into the night, then so be it.
Ironically, as soon as the thought finished, she froze.
The whisper had changed direction.
But it wasn't a whisper anymore. There was a low, steady hum that she hardly needed to concentrate on to hear. She turned her head to the right until she found the direction where the hum was strongest.
There was barely a second between her standing still and running full speed towards it. The world stretched into a blur. Houses, cars, and the occasional startled human became nothing more than vague shapes in her peripheral vision. The hum was growing stronger with each step, fueling her to keep going as though it were a second heartbeat.
Shali could almost feel the symbol on her paw becoming warmer, practically alive, as she was drawn nearer to its source. Eventually, going along the roads proved too inefficient, and she began cutting through yards and vaulting over fences that blocked her path.
The hum was nearly overwhelming now. It was a roar. It drowned out everything else but her own breath that had been getting more laborious with each passing moment.
Matthew was close. He needed to be. She refused for this to be nothing.
She jumped over one final fence and skidded to a halt. The roar lowered in volume to a hum, then to a whisper, then silence as she let go of her concentration, the symbol on her paw losing that pseudo-warmth as well.
Just across the road was a human home that she knew well. Brian's home. It was largely the same as when she first laid eyes upon it, except there was now tall yellow fencing along the perimeter.
A human stood in front of the house, back towards her. His white hair was blowing slightly in the wind and catching snowflakes as they fell. The dim light made it look almost silver.
"Matthew," she whispered.
Despite how quiet she was, he turned around as though he had heard her speak normally. Their eyes met and she finally felt relief. Her form relaxed, and a smile started to form, but she stopped.
Matthew looked terrified.
"Sh-Shali?" he said.
She started crossing the street towards him. "Matthew, where have…" As she got closer, she saw him take a few steps back.
"You can't be here."
Any trace of a smile disappeared. "What?"
"You can't be here," Matthew repeated, voice shaky. He took another step back, his hands raised as if to ward her off. His face had turned downcast. "Please, just… just go."
Shali kept moving forward, her grip tightening on her spear. "I… I haven't seen you in days and–"
"I know… and I really hoped you would never see me again."
It was almost as if her spear had stabbed her in the heart.
"I'm so sorry," he said quickly. "You… you just can't be here right now. Team Saber probably already knows I'm here and I don't want them to find you." He stepped towards her. "I'll teleport you somewhere–"
"No," she said, her voice firm.
"Shali, I can't–"
"No!" she yelled, stopping Matthew from walking further. "No, you are not sending me away the moment I found you!"
She had focused so hard on finding him that she hadn't begun to think about what she even felt for him. Seeing him now, remembering what happened back at Brian's house. It was all coming back to her in one big wave.
"Please, I really don't want to–"
"Stop! Why… Why did you run? Of all the times to disappear on me, why then?!" Her voice cracked, but she pushed forward, closing the distance between them. "I needed you, Matthew! And you just… just left…" She could touch him from where she stood, and nearly all of her wanted to just lean forward and hug him tight.
"You're right, I did leave," he said quietly. "I don't want any forgiveness for it, I'm not owed that." He moved his hand to her side. "You really need to–"
Shali stared at him as she snared his body in an aura bind.
His body locked in place, and though there was a brief moment of surprise, his expression fell back into sadness.
"I wanted to keep you safe, Shali," he said, arms barely moving at his sides.
"Safe? You left me on my own! How could you do that? I wanted to help–"
"I wanted to keep you safe from me!"
Her breath caught in her throat. She stared at him, heart pounding as the words settled in her chest like a stone. Safe from him? The idea was absurd, almost insulting. Everything they had gone through together, every little tender moment they had shared, and then for him to act as if he were a threat to her? It was unthinkable. But Matthew's face was serious. More than just that, it was desperate, haunted. He wasn't just afraid for her, he was afraid of himself.
Her frustration was still prominent, but she suppressed it. "What are you talking about?" she demanded, her voice softer but still firm. "You don't get to say that and expect me to just walk away."
"You saw what happened here." Matthew looked back at the house. "You saw what Neo did. To both Team Saber… and you."
She shook her head. "Neo came out on his own. You were knocked out, you didn't have any energy. Your auras… I… I could see you fighting him."
He turned back to her. His eyes were shadowed, his body somehow more tense than the aura bind had made it. "You didn't see everything."
"What are you saying?"
Matthew was silent.
"What are you saying?!"
"I let Neo come out."
She didn't hear him. She didn't. "You… you needed to…"
"I wanted it." His entire body lost all of its tension. Had the aura bind not been in place, he would've dropped to the ground. "Everything I saw… it was all too much. Team Saber are monsters, Shali. They were pointing their guns at you, they had just shot Brian… They hurt who I love. They deserved to be treated like… like the monsters they are. You're right. I needed to let Neo take over… But I wanted it too."
Shali just stared at him, feeling the weight of his words settle into her bones. Wanted it. The phrase echoed in her mind as she struggled to fully comprehend what she had just heard.
"Neo… he's capable of things that I just can't do… That I'm… unwilling to do," he said, looking up at her. "That's–"
"No…" she muttered. Her paw clenched her spear so tight the wood of the shaft creaked quietly.
"Shali, let me go, please."
"You're lying." She shook her head and ignored how her eyes were starting to sting. "You're lying!"
"I'm not." Matthew moved his arm again, but Shali was quick to strengthen the aura bind.
"You just needed to… You didn't actually want to let Neo out." Whatever Matthew was saying before, it wasn't true. He was just saying things for… a reason she didn't know. She didn't need to know. It wasn't true. That was all that mattered.
"It was one moment. I wanted it to stop as soon as it began… but I wanted it."
Wanted it. Again with that phrase. "It was… it was Neo, wasn't it? He was telling you these… lies! He was trying to convince you that you actually wanted to let him go."
Matthew sighed. "Neo has never lied." His eyes glanced to the left for a few seconds. When she followed them and saw there was nothing, she knew what was happening.
Shali stepped forward and touched Matthew's arm. In an instant, Neo materialized just to the left of Matthew. The last time she had seen him, his shirt was black, but now it was almost pure white.
"Why, hello there," Neo said with a polite smile. Hearing him made Shali sick to her stomach. "Apologies for how we ended things last time. It was far from what–"
"Don't speak," she growled. "How dare you tell those lies to him."
He chuckled. "It's not a lie to tell him what he wants."
"That is not what he wants. I saw it that night when we kissed for the first time, he showed me that's not what he wanted. I saw it in his aura"
"Shali…" whispered Matthew.
"I think you've deluded yourself into believing anything other than the truth," Neo said.
She gnashed her teeth. "I saw the truth."
"You saw what you wanted to see."
"Neo, be quiet," Matthew said.
"You're just ignoring what's right in front of you." Neo snickered. "But I can't say I'm surprised. I said it before; the fact that I'm in Matthew's aura is the only thing stopping you from liking him."
"What?" Matthew looked to Shali. "Did you…?"
Shali snarled. "And you said you were the furthest thing from him. Was that a lie, Neo?"
Neo shrugged. "It was true at the time. But not anymore, as I'm sure you'd like to see." He grinned and stepped towards her. "Go on. Why not check his aura? Afraid you're not going to have an excuse to justify why it looks the way it does?"
She pointed her spear at Neo. "I am not afraid."
"For now."
Her gaze went to Matthew, who looked equally horrified and confused. She closed her eyes and used her aura sense.
No… Oh, Matthew…
The aura of her love, always so dominant over that tiny, ugly piece she wished didn't exist, now comprised no more than half of his aura. The other half was Neo, entangled with its opposite and pushing hard against it. But what sent a shudder through her chest wasn't just the precarious balance, it was the fact that Matthew's aura wasn't pushing back. All he would have to do is give in, and Neo would dominate. There was no fighting. Only acceptance.
Shali opened her eyes and staggered back. Her paw lost contact with Matthew and Neo disappeared. "No…" she breathed, eyes locking back onto Matthew, pleading for an explanation, anything that would make this not real. "You… You didn't…"
"It's the truth," Matthew said.
She shook her head violently. "That's not… I don't believe what I'm hearing! This isn't you! I… I told you! Neo is such a small part, why is he taking up so much now?!"
"Because… I let him. I've pushed down Neo for so long, been so paranoid of what he would do if I ever let him slip from my grasp, that I let Team Saber continue to fester in the world." He took a slow, trembling breath. His expression was pure regret. "And because of that, you were hurt and Brian was killed. This is what I deserve."
"No, it's not!" She stepped forward, her spear shaking in her grip. "I won't let you throw yourself away like this. You… You still have your plan. You can still send those messages out."
"I can't guarantee if it will work anymore," he said softly, looking at the boarded-up door. "I was supposed to strike when they weren't prepared but… they have another Neo-human now, and they felt so confident they attacked somewhere so public. If they can cover that up… then what good could any amount of messages do?" He looked back at her. "I left one more, one that will be released tomorrow no matter what, but… for it to even have a chance, I need to do this."
"There… There has to be something else! Anything other than this!"
He shook his head. "I've avoided the alternative for so long, but now there's nothing but the alternative."
Shali's grip on her spear increased until her knuckles ached. "So that's it?" Her voice wavered between anger and desperation. "You're just… giving in to what Neo wants? Do you think this will fix anything?!"
Matthew exhaled sharply. "I don't know what's going to fix anything. But I know I can put a use to something that's broken."
She took another step forward. "You are not broken."
"I am." He closed his eyes. "And I think you know that too."
"Matthew…" She reached out a paw to him, but he stepped away. She hadn't realized she let the aura bind be released.
"Why did Neo say you couldn't like me because he was there? If you knew that… Why did you even bother wanting to have a relationship with me?"
Shali's throat tightened. "That's not… Matthew, that's not what I…" She stopped herself, forcing in a breath. "Matthew, I… I wanted to like you."
They stood there, both silent. Their expressions froze as Shali's words hung in the air. The only sound that filled the space was the whistle of the wind blowing by them. Shali's heart thundered in her chest as she tried to piece together the rest of her thoughts.
"It was the first night we spent alone when Neo said it to me… I didn't know what Neo was… I knew he was wrong, that he shouldn't exist but… but I never thought that about you," she said.
Matthew dropped his gaze from her.
"You were… so different," she said. "You were kind, you cared about me, you fought for me…" She couldn't stop shaking. "When you showed me what Neo was, I realized that I could… I could just ignore him because all he is… is… He's just a thought!" She stepped forward once more. "A strong malicious thought that was captured in time. He's not you. You showed me that! I saw how you fought back against him, how small he became!"
Matthew didn't respond. He hardly even reacted to the words. She felt like her heart was twisting, but still she pushed on. I need to push on.
"I… I understand how it feels to push yourself away from something and think that it's all behind you." Shali looked down at her spear. It was shaking so much, no matter how hard she tried to stop it. "And I know that it's not easy to fully let go."
Her eyes were stinging again, and she felt wetness just below them.
"Matthew… we can change, I know we can. I told you that I am not my tribe, just as you are not Neo. I still believe that. We can push through together and let go."
His gaze remained fixed on the ground. It was as if her words hadn't reached him, or worse, as if he couldn't believe them even if he wanted to.
She grabbed his hand before he had a chance to pull away. "That connection, don't you feel it?"
Nothing.
"I love you," she said, voice breaking. "Not Neo. Not this… thing he's trying to turn you into. Just you."
Matthew's fingers twitched in her paw. Shali held onto them tighter, desperate to keep him with her, to keep him from slipping further into the abyss that Neo was so eagerly dragging him towards.
"Say something…" she whispered. "Just say something…"
"Shali…" He looked at her again. "I'm not worth this."
She felt shattered.
The cold wind blew at her fur, but it was nothing compared to the freezing weight in her chest. Everything around her faded. Brian's home, all the noises of the neighborhood, even the wind around her. All she could see, all she could feel, was Matthew standing in front of her, slipping through her digits like sand.
No. She tightened her paw on his hand. "You are worth it."
"We had… a month?" Matthew said. "Life is more than just that. You can have… No, you deserve a better one than what I can give."
Shali ignored his words. "You don't get to decide that for me." She dropped the things in both her hands and gripped the front of his coat. Her spear clattered on the pavement. "You don't get to decide that for me," she repeated, voice quieter this time.
His eyes widened at her touch, but he didn't move away. No resistance. He just stood there, breathing unevenly.
She swallowed the lump in her throat and clutched his coat tighter. "You think you're broken?" she asked, her voice raw. "You think that means I should just walk away? That I should leave you like this?" She shook her head, ears flattening. "I don't care if you think you deserve this, because you don't."
Her legs wobbled, her strength waning. She stepped closer and buried her face against his chest. The cold fabric was rough against her fur and more than anything, she wanted to rip through the layers and feel the warmth of him again.
She squeezed her eyes shut. "I won't let you go."
Her digits curled tighter. A single tear slipped down her cheek, then another. She tried to hold them back, but the dam already had so many cracks. She pushed her face in further and cried into his chest, her shoulders shivering as she clung to him.
"I don't want to lose you, Matthew!" she choked out. "Please!"
There was nothing but the sound of her whimpering. Even the wind seemed like it had died down, as though the world was holding its breath.
Then she felt it.
A hesitant hand lifted from Matthew's side and rested gently against her back. It wasn't much, but just feeling it felt so nice.
"Matthew…"
His hand pressed further into her fur. "This… This is bigger than us, Shali… I can't ignore it."
Shali pushed herself closer. "Fine… Then don't ignore it," she whispered against his chest between sobs. "Face it. Fight it. Just… don't do it alone."
His fingers trembled where they rested against her back, and she could hear his unsteady breathing above her. For a moment, she thought he would pull away, break free and vanish again.
But then, slowly, hesitantly, his arms closed around her.
It wasn't a strong embrace, no real certainty or conviction. It was cautious, fragile, like he was afraid he might break her if he squeezed too hard. But it was enough.
She closed her eyes, her sobs coming quieter now but no less raw.
"You know what needs to happen," he murmured.
"It will be Neo, won't it?" She looked up, blinking hard to get rid of the tears in her eyes. "Not you?"
"It'll be Neo." At the very least, that fact gave her some relief. "If you have to keep giving yourself excuses to–"
She put her head back against his chest. "I just want to be with you."
"You don't have to do this," he said, one hand coming up and slowly stroking her head. "You don't have to… come with me."
She shook her head. "I am not leaving."
He continued petting her as she moved her paws from the front of his coat to around him. She didn't know how long they remained like that, locked in the fragile, trembling embrace. Seconds? Minutes? It didn't matter. When it ended, it still wasn't enough.
Matthew took his hand off her head. She kept herself pressed against him for a few more seconds before looking up.
Her spear was floating upright beside her, a sheen of magenta around the shaft. Without thinking, she reached out with one of her paws, keeping the other around Matthew, and grabbed the spear. The last bits of shakiness finally left her as she felt its weight in her paw.
He looked down at her, then nodded.
She nodded back.
He pulled her in close again, the electric blue light starting to form around them. Shali looked into Matthew's eyes just before it became too bright to see them.
And in the next moment, they vanished.
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Peace!
-Minusbomb