There once was a monarch named Shahryar who, angered at the unfaithfulness of women, vowed to marry a virgin each night, and in the morning have her beheaded before she could betray him by falling in love with another. The grand vizier was forced to comply with these orders, no matter how harsh they might seem, or how much the people cursed Shahryar and his senseless killings. But one day, the vizier's eldest daughter, Scheherazade, came to him and asked that she be chosen as the next bride, for she had thought of a way to keep the monarch's interest…
« June 1, 2004. It's three o'clock in the morning, cold and mist-filled in the woods. The soft crackle of leaves under your sneakers seem to echo; all around, even the nearby sounds of town are quiet, most people still lost in sleep. You watch Rem winging away with Misa's Death Note in her claws, and you feel, strangely, as though you've stumbled out of time itself, to somewhere where the beasts of ages past still fly with wing-beats that crack the air like a gong, and fade into silence.
"I never imagined that the Death Note I gave you would end up buried in a hole," Ryuk says.
"Listen, Ryuk," you explain, frowning at the ground. "It's merely being hidden for now… I won't part with it until… the next time I say 'get rid of it.' The next time I say that phrase, no matter the context, assume I'm relinquishing possession of the Death Note." »
May 25, 2004. The "Second Kira" has sent another message, and it's the worst one possible: "I was able to find Kira. People at the TV station, policemen, thank you very much." That hand-lettered, low-tech video with its imitation-L font is cutting away at the thread that holds the sword above your head, and you clench your hands around the plush hotel chair in a cold sweat. N-no way! Where? At Aoyama? Considering the time this message was postmarked, it couldn't mean anything but. I made sure I wasn't being followed… You and Matsuda were the only investigators there on that day. L knows that: he already suspects you of being Kira and this sounds as good as confirmation—!
"'Found him'?" Aizawa shouts. "This is bad…"
"Yes," Soichiro says, "so Kira and the Second Kira have joined forces…"
"We can't be sure they are together just yet," Ryuzaki says thoughtfully, cup in hand and stirring quietly with a spoon. "Until now, the Second Kira has talked about wanting to meet Kira. Now he mentions 'finding him.' It is possible that he has merely located Kira, and hasn't contacted him yet. I think we can say that at least up to the 23rd, they have not joined forces. If they had, I doubt Kira would have the Second Kira tell us that he 'found him.'"
Ryuzaki's right… even if there was contact, it would be much more advantageous for Kira if the police didn't know of it. Can't this person figure that out? This is basically announcing that Kira is among the people who went to Aoyama that day… is this Fake Kira really on the side of Kira?
Then again—perhaps the "Second Kira" saw Kira, but not in Aoyama… in that case, he might be using Aoyama as a way to throw the police off their trail… but by doing so, he's placing you in a worse position than before…
"At this point," Ryuzaki concludes, "the police will have to send out a message directly to the Second Kira…"
"Message?" Matsuda asks.
"Yes. We have the police offer leniency in exchange for the identity of Kira," Ryuzaki explains. "This will be even more effective if Kira doesn't know who the Second Kira is yet."
It's a smart move on L's part, but your gut twists with sudden nausea at the thought. For some reason, this all feels like a trap…
"Asahi-san," Ryuzaki says, "would it be possible to offer the Second Kira immunity for information leading to the capture of Kira?"
"He's killed at least eight innocent people that we know of," your father says, "we can't…"
"Then we'll remain vague about that and offer as much leniency as we can," Ryuzaki concludes. "How about that he'll be treated like a hero and the police will not come after him? I want this as soon as possible. It's 7:25 PM right now… prepare something to run on every station at 8:55."
"Yes, understood," your father says.
You leave the building in a haze of unease. If the "Second Kira" turns Kira in, that will be a good thing, of course—but—what if… what if the Fake Kira chooses someone else to name? Someone who was in Aoyama that day… no, it's not possible, you try to reassure yourself. No one but L and the task force even suspect me of being Kira, so the "Second Kira" wouldn't know that naming me could even be a valid option… to him, I would be nobody of interest… when you get home, you go up to your room and close and lock the door, turning on the TV and waiting for the broadcast. It feels horribly like a presage of your own death.
But I'm not Kira, you think. Even if the "Second Kira" tried to name me…
You are innocent. You know you are, but the circumstantial evidence against you… Raye Penber was following you before he died…
"…but if Kira doesn't know who you are yet, there's still time," the broadcast announces; "you must not get close to Kira out of curiosity. If you contact Kira, you will only be used and killed. Kira is a mass murderer, you must not help him." Serial murderer, you correct in your head; they're dumbing it down for the fake. 'Mass murderer' sounds so much more dramatic—and far worse—even if it's not technically accurate. "What you must do now is think of the value of human life and atone for your crimes by revealing what you know to the police. And save the world from the terror of Kira…"
If you were the "Second Kira," would that convince you? You don't know.
« "So, what are you going to do about that?" Ryuk asks, as the broadcast ends. For a long moment you're silent.
"There's nothing I can do until the Second Kira acts," you say, finally, unwillingly. "He claims to be on Kira's side… he probably won't go to the police about me before at least trying to meet. Once we're face to face I'll be able to get a read on him, find out what it is he wants…"
"And what if he doesn't want anything?" Ryuk asks.
"He won't try to meet with me unless he wants something," you say. You are speaking in a polyglot mixture of French and English, the way you always speak to Ryuk when the two of you are in your room and other people are home. It isn't a foolproof measure, but it protects somewhat against mom or Sayu overhearing what they shouldn't; if you need to, you can always claim you're practicing your foreign languages.
But even so, you keep your voice low. "If he doesn't try to meet with me… I'll keep dealing with L while keeping an eye on what this Fake Kira is doing. But I doubt it'll come to that." You sound far more confident than you feel; but even the act of speaking buoys you: Ryuk's seen you brazen your way out of so many situations in the past. I need to act as though this is what's going to happen, you decide. I can't stop the Fake Kira from deciding to kill me at any moment, but if he was really telling the truth about wanting to meet… I have a chance… »
You spend some time in tangled thoughts, but are startled back to alertness by the ringing of the doorbell. Dad? Already?
Sayu runs to the foot of the stairs and calls up to you. "Onichan! Your friend brought over your notebook!"
Notebook? It can't be?!—as you leave your bedroom, closing the door carefully behind you, you remember how the kiras were supposed to meet by showing their notebooks in Aoyama…
There's no way the "Second Kira" would be here. Still, you walk downstairs and see Amane Misa for the first time, and as soon as you see her, you know.
I have to deal with this now, you think. I can't let anyone see us together. What is she doing here—? You open the door wider.
"Come on in," you say nonchalantly.
"Oh, you're inviting me up to your room?" she asks, with her hand coyly covering her mouth. "Yay!" Well, sure, if you put it like that…
"Kāsan, she came all this way, can you bring up some tea?" you ask your mother, who's standing in the entry with a flummoxed look. Misa bows low, polite at the very least, and follows you. You can hear Sayu's not-so-quiet whisper as you ascend the steps.
"Hey… is that onichan's girlfriend? I can see her panties…"
"That's not funny, Sayu," your mother says, but she sounds strangled.
You lead Misa into the room, close the door, and pull out your desk chair. "Take a seat," you say.
"Oh… thank you…" she sits down demurely, holding her handbag in her lap, and you sit on the end of the bed, facing the person who holds your freedom in her hands.
"So…" she says.
"So?" you ask darkly.
"Make me your girlfriend," she says. She does not react at all to the shock on your face or the way you fall silent, just waits for your response. You'd observed from the moment you saw her at the front door that she's dressed to make a statement—lace and leather and a cross necklace between her breasts, with a leather choker around her neck; you think that, with her pigtails and her cutesy, innocent expression, she is trying to come across more as playfully alternative than dangerous. But she is dangerous. Very dangerous.
If I'm not careful with her, she could kill me… but…
"That's impossible," you try to explain. "Maybe you could try to make Light Yagami fall in love with Misa Amane, but you can't control a person's life like that. Even if you were to have some kind of divine power…" you hint.
Misa doesn't like your answer: she stands up, teary-eyed, and says, "I don't mind if you just use me!"
"How can you say that?" you ask.
"My parents were killed a year ago by a burglar in front of my eyes," she admits. "I couldn't forgive the killer," she says in a small voice. "I wanted to kill him myself, but that would be wrong… I didn't know what to do. His trial was delayed, and then some people even started claiming he might be innocent… and then Kira punished him. Kira became a savior to me. I thought I didn't need anything other than to show my thanks to him, but then I saw you in Aoyama and suddenly I knew that I wanted you…"
"Are you saying you've met Kira?" you insist.
"No!" Misa says. "I haven't!"
"Then you aren't the Second Kira?"
"Please don't say that to me…" Misa whispers.
"Maybe you're not the Second Kira," you say, "but you still stalked me—found out my name, followed me home…"
"I was only trying to find you," she says. "That was the only way I could think of. I needed you to know of my existence… I just had to see you."
Her crazy actions till now were due to her obsession with meeting me? you think. Can that really be the case? I still don't believe she hasn't met Kira—it lines up too well—No, it's as good as proven; she is the Second Kira. If I don't give her something, who knows what she might do…
You leave your perch on the edge of your bed and join Misa on the floor, giving her a hug that makes your skin crawl. You have to stall, to think of something. You've already tried to let her down gently, and in return she's only brought up how much she worships Kira… if that isn't a sideways threat you don't know what is… can you afford to tell her no more strongly? If you did, would she kill you right here and now?
You can't risk it; and you can't risk trying to put her off without making some kind of definitive statement. She's a stalker, prepared to find you and follow you home without compunction, she's the Second Kira—you're certain of it—someone who's killed people she doesn't like on the barest whim. You can't let her continue on like this, doing whatever she wants—following you around, or finding Kira and teaming up with him…
"All right," you say, finally. "I can't be your boyfriend, but I can play the part."
Misa following you around could be potentially deadly, what with you being under suspicion the way you are. You couldn't look more guilty than to have a Kira-worshipper stalking you with starry eyes. At least this way, maybe you can do damage control… perhaps even find out the true identity of Kira through her… if you do, then you'll be able to defeat Kira and clear your own name…
"Thank you," Misa says. "I'll work hard to make you love me…"
Yes, she's the person who's uncovered the identity of Kira, you realize. Which means Kira won't let her live too long. You hate yourself for feeling relief at the thought.
When you let go of her and lean back, Misa looks at you, chipper, and announces, "just playing the part of my boyfriend? Well, that's enough for now. I'm sure you'll fall in love with me eventually."
You just glare at her dourly.
Then she adds, "oh hey, Light!"
"Already calling me by my first name?" you say through gritted teeth. You close your eyes so you don't have to look at her. This is a murderer… evil to the core… and you've just agreed to pretend to be her boyfriend…
"Then would you like me to call you 'knight' instead?" she asks with an upbeat smile. "Since you're Misa's knight in shining armor, I'd love to call you that!"
"No…" you say, at the end of your rope. "Light is fine…"
You try to change the subject, but before you know it she's grabbing some paper from your desk and a pen, and offering to draw a picture of you. This day just keeps getting weirder! She's rambling on, something about fashions. "You're pretty good at explaining," you admit, although it's not like it takes a lot of brainpower to explain why you'd look better in sunglasses or whatever the hell it is she's trying to do. Still, her having any talent whatsoever is a bit of a surprise. You're leaning close to look at the pictures, and you don't realize how that might be taken until you suddenly notice her blushing expression, and you frown at her, feeling trapped.
She can still kill me whenever she wants, you remind yourself. So I need to be careful of her feelings, I can't afford to let her down… that's how an idiot would fail.
"So we're officially boyfriend and girlfriend now?" she asks.
I guess this is the time to start pretending, you think.
"Well… I guess so…" you say apathetically.
"Then here are my conditions," she says. "At least one date a week!"
She just doesn't get it…
"That's impossible!" you say, frustrated.
"Why?" she asks.
"It seems like I need to explain it to you," you say at last, "so…" what can you tell her to make her back off? "I'm actually under slight suspicion of being Kira. And if I suddenly have a new friend, then we could both be suspected. We can't let on that we've suddenly become close to each other. Do you understand what I'm saying?" It's a risk—she could use that against you and try to give your name up—but no one wants to be caught by the police, right? Especially if she is the Second Kira, this should make her think twice about following you around. You just have to hope you can get her to tell you Kira's name after they meet. If you can do it before the task force finds out about her…
"I guess, but…" Misa says, unhappily. "So we can't go on dates then? You don't want to see me because you're afraid of being a suspect?"
"I want to talk to you in person from time to time," you admit, in order to ask you about Kira's name, "that's why, in order for my spending time with you to not stand out, I'll have to spend time with other girls." You try to word it as gently as possible, but you can still see the moment it hits her what you're implying.
"Huh? Wait a second!" She swings from bafflement, to a sharp hurt, to anger so fast you barely have time to process it, and the next moment almost shouts, "No way!" She leans forward, and speaks in a dark, intense tone you haven't heard from her up till now, her eyes boring into yours. "There's no way I'll stand for you seeing other girls. If I see that, I'll kill them."
No! Shit, you can't let her think you have any investment in anyone besides her… you don't want to get a bunch of girls at your school killed…
"Look… Misa… sweetie…" you say, putting your hands on your shoulders (and barely stopping yourself from physically shaking her) "this isn't a game… you'd be risking your life…"
"Yeah," she says. "But… to me… Light is more important than the world…"
"What are you talking about?" you ask, thrown. Sure, wanting to be your girlfriend is one thing, but this level of devotion? "This is the first time we've even talked…!"
She clasps her hands and looks up at you from where she's seated on your desk-chair. "You don't believe in love at first sight…?" she asks soulfully.
You aren't the type for "love." You're pretty sure you weren't even built for it—but at any rate, the idea of koi, 'love at first sight', is the worst kind of ridiculous fantasy. Love, as far as you understand, is based on knowing someone. On being able to take them in through faults and good points, not just enjoying the other's presence but thriving on it. But then… maybe there really is some unfathomable difference between ai, 'the strong affection that grows over time,' and which you've felt, if not for a long-term partner, then at least for your family, and all this other romantic, sexual stuff…
"No…" you say, unable to keep from stepping away from her, as though her derangement might be catching. What's with this girl? "Then… if you like me you'll do as I say, right? Earlier you said you don't mind being used by me and would do whatever I said."
"But I can't stand you going on dates with other girls," Misa argues back, "that's different!"
There's a sudden knock at the door right when things don't seem like they could become even more fraught. "Light, can I come in?"
"What is it, kāsan?" you ask, trying not to sound frantic. Your mom opens the door.
"It's 11:30," she says, "the trains will stop running soon…"
"Yeah, we lost track of time," you say numbly. It's true… it almost doesn't seem possible that it could've taken this long just to say a few words to Misa, but she's been drawing for a while and you're obviously more thrown by this whole situation than you thought you were.
"We're sorry," Misa agrees cheerfully.
You're forced to show her out the door, and you can practically feel the polite, forced smiles of your mother and sister thinking you've taken leave of your senses entirely.
"She's cute," your mom says.
"At first I was like…" Sayu says, trailing off meaningfully, "…but she seems nice."
If you actually cared about Misa at all, you might be touched by how much they're trying.
Back in your room, you brood in front of your computer, staring into "Misa-Misa"'s website… the girl's a model signed with Yoshida Productions. Damn it… at this point, she's more of a problem than L is, you realize. No matter how much you try to stay away from suspicion, Kira seems to follow you. So far, there was nothing worse than circumstantial evidence, but now a wildcard like this? I'll do a little research and… your stomach drops in dawning horror at the sheer amount that comes up when you google her name… teen magazines… fashion magazines… she's all over the place… she's even appeared on a late-night TV show… she's this well known? What the hell is she thinking? This is bad… You pour through forums, look through message threads, hear bubbly girls Sayu's age struck with hero-worship and guys who think "Misa-Misa" is hot talk and talk and talk and learn more trivia about Misa than you ever wanted to know. It's nearing two thirty now, and you can feel your limbs start to ache and tremble, your eyelids scratched and heavy, but this girl is your enemy and there's no time to just forget it all and sleep, even if you want to close the door on the whole terrible day. According to fan sites, it's already known that her parents were killed by a burglar… anyone could figure out that Kira punished that criminal… what will happen if it becomes known that she's met me? It's not impossible. Fans are like that. One little slip-up, being seen with her, and your name and face will be all over the internet… Nobody should know yet that I saw her tonight… I just need to make sure kāsan and Sayu don't tell anyone… but I've already agreed to see her in two weeks… I could try to get out of it, but… with her personality… who knows what she could reveal to others… I have to be careful with her… damn it… she's a pain in my side no matter what… what can I do? I need to use her to get to Kira as soon as possible… if the First Kira is gone, then Misa won't be as big a problem… in only two weeks… I'll just have to hope she cooperates…
You can feel the noose closing in on you, seeing L's face in your mind's eye. If Misa says the wrong thing… L's already convinced you're Kira… if L caught her, found evidence, tried to make her talk, Misa could give your name, claim you were Kira… sure, she says she's in love with you but what would really matter more to her? The guy she just met and felt 'love at first sight' for? Or the savior who punished the criminal who killed her parents? Please. It's not even an option. You're disposable to her… maybe that's what she's been looking for this whole time, a fall-guy… no, she's not that smart… it has to be a coincidence. She was looking for Kira, she saw you in Aoyama too, she latched onto you for some inexplicable reason that has to do with romantic feelings. What the hell are romantic feelings anyway? You're almost convinced the whole world is lying about the concept… but… that's unlikely, isn't it? That would explain the movies and literature, those things are full of fantasy crap anyway, but not the way everyone acted in high school… the truth is, there's something different about you… it's not like you don't know that; even before you knew what sex entailed you'd known it was fine for other people but you certainly didn't want to get involved. But you're not some kind of 'herbivore man,' passive and content to tend his garden, unambitious and uninterested in romance, a career, or competition… the very thought makes you nauseous… true, you're uninterested in romance and sex, and your experience with Shiho and Emi didn't exactly convert you to the idea, but of course you've never told anyone that. Because men are supposed to be all over these things, especially sex… all the other guys seem to be all over it… why are you even thinking about this shit when you could die; it's not that important… this is all Misa's fault… whatever, you don't have time to think about this… you have to figure out how to keep Misa a secret…
April 27, 2004. There's nothing to do but wait. The Second Kira's message is being looked at by the lab, and the task force is wondering what he will do next. As for L, Ryuzaki, he's reading a book about the occult.
"You can't really think that's going to help," you say, amused, from the chair opposite. Classes are over for today, and you've finished your homework half an hour ago and moved on to snacking. Even though L mostly eats nothing but dessert and fruit, there's also heavier stuff—sometimes lunchmeat, and occasionally some rice dishes. It gives the entire thing the weirdest sensation of a party, what with the lavish surroundings and the fact that everyone who's here has taken their suit jackets off. A party no one wants to be at, maybe.
Matsuda's reading a tabloid magazine to see if he can find any potential new "Second Kira" victims, Aizawa's going over the transcript of the Second Kira's "shinigami message" from yesterday, and your father is is at the TV, rewinding the tapes and playing them over, looking harried. Two hours ago, when L had called everyone in here, he'd announced that the best thing would be to "look for clues" and when asked what kind of clues, he answered, "I'm not sure yet."
"Except for you, Light-kun," he'd said. "You should finish your homework first. After all, we don't want you to get behind on your classes."
It had been annoying enough you almost refused on principle, but it had been clear to you then that L had no actual method of attack, so, whatever.
"I don't," Ryuzaki says vaguely. "I still don't believe in gods of death… but, in the unlikely occurance I'm proved wrong, well…"
"You'll be prepared for a ghost hunt?" you say, with a smirk.
"Something like that," Ryuzaki says. "Unfortunately, the problem with the occult is that there are no hard and fast rules, only 'legends' and 'suggestions.' This book has already contradicted itself six times, and I'm only on page," he glances down, "394."
"I don't believe in gods of death either," you say.
"I know," Ryuzaki says. "You thought it was code for their killing power. It's a good idea. In fact, it's so plausible, I almost want to disbelieve it."
"You know, you really hate it when things are too simple."
"True," Ryuzaki says. He puts his book down beside him, and wraps his hands around his knees, looking at you as he answers. "But I just can't get over the fact that the First Kira's 'shinigami message' was never released to the public. With one message, the choice of shinigami as a code-word could be a mere coincidence. But with two? No… it just doesn't make sense."
"I see what you mean," you say. "Still… it's not like it's a stretch to come up with the idea of shinigami to refer to a killing power."
"No…" Ryuzaki says. His hand drifts to his mouth and he nibbles at his thumb. "You're right. There's a 98% chance it's nothing more than a code."
"But the final 2% chance won't stop bugging you," you say, sounding sympathetic.
"I wouldn't be a detective if it didn't," Ryuzaki answers.
May 27, 2004. It's only two days after you first meet when Misa attacks you on the way home from school.
…Okay. She doesn't actually attack you, but it sure feels like it. Will she never quit? In defiance of her, you convinced "Miss Todai" (top of her class, the most beautiful woman in school, the perfect foil to "Yagami Light's" sparkling reputation) to ask you out today, though you were so preoccupied you could barely enjoy that victory.
And L might go back into hiding for good! For some reason, that thought distresses you more than it should. If L goes back into hiding, will you even be able to help with the Kira case anymore, or will it all be over for you?
These were the thoughts that were tormenting you on the way home before Misa decided to interrupt.
"Light!" she squeals. "I just couldn't wait two weeks… I was on my way over to your place!"
You let her walk home with you. What else can you do? Refuse? You bring her up to your room in a huff, though once there, you barely even talk. At one point she basically flings herself into your arms, and all you can think about is how she seems to hang off it like dead weight. You don't know how to put her off, so at last you ask for her cellphone number, and she gives you one of her phones. At least this way it gives you a bit of control over the situation, if she's going to insist on playing the part of your girlfriend. Get her off your back a little… maybe she'll finally stop following you…
Honestly, you have no clue what you're doing. Whenever Misa's around, the whole world just stops making sense. When she tries to insist on calling you you remind her you'll only use it to call her, not the other way around. You promise to call her tomorrow and ask her to leave.
"What?" Misa complains. "It's only just seven o'clock! The time for lovers is just starting! We can go out for a moonlit stroll, or to a restaurant, and then… on to the main event…!"
There is no way you're having sex with Misa.
It's probably panic that motivates your next actions. You don't know why else you'd have kissed her, because you certainly didn't want to. Maybe if you kiss her, she'll feel like it's enough, like there's no need to go further. Maybe if you kiss her, she'll leave you alone… close-mouthed, you lean forward.
Her lips are… small, and warm; slightly smooth… they smell like scented lip-gloss. It makes your skin crawl. What am I doing?
You wait seven seconds, then pull back and look at her. She's gazing at you with stars in her eyes.
But that's her problem, not yours.
"Light…" she breathes.
"Go home, okay?" you ask tiredly.
She agrees without protest.
« June 1, 2004. It's still dark out, and you're at home, now, after having buried the death note in the woods. Behind you, Ryuk's shadow covers the shine of the glass, and you wonder again at the strangeness of a thing that is mostly intangible, and that is invisible to everyone else, being able to affect your perception of the world to such an extent.
Ryuzaki is 98% sure there are no such things as shinigami.
It doesn't matter that he's so sure.
What matters is that 2% of doubt.
Possession (noun). The act of having or taking into control. Control or occupation of property. Ownership. Something owned, occupied, or controlled (property). Domination by something, such as an evil spirit, a passion, or an idea. A psychological state in which an individual's normal personality is replaced by another. »
May 28, 2004. You're walking out of class with "Miss Todai," saying something inane as you listen, with one ear, to the gossip around you—everybody's jealous, and why not? They'd never be able to get on my level—when you see something that stops you in your tracks.
L.
Ryuga, Ryuzaki.
He's here.
Reading a small book, holding it in his usual backwards way, dangling from his fingers; there's a ribbon bookmark hanging outside it. His shoes are on the ground, but his feet are tucked over the side of the bench, and he looks unaware, almost peaceful, with the green-and-gold shadows of the leaves above playing over his sallow skin; like in some unfathomable way he fits out here as much as in high-end hotels with the drapes pulled shut.
He looks up. Smiles widely. "Heyyy, Yagami-kun!" A moment later his expression, and his voice drops back to flatness. "How you doing."
What is he doing here? And why do you feel so cornered?
"Takada-san," you say, turning toward your girlfriend, "I'd like to talk to him in private for a moment. Can I speak to you later?"
"Oh… uh… sure?" She's a little thrown, but she'll get over it.
"You sure that was okay?" Ryuga asks after Takada's finally left, with a wide-eyed, blank look your way. As if this wasn't exactly the situation he's been aiming for.
"Never mind her," you say dismissively. "Are you sure you should be out here?" you ask, making sure to sound appropriately concerned. "I thought you were worried about being seen."
"I realized it would be fine as long as you're not Kira," Ryuga says drily. "Since you're the only one on the outside who knows I'm L."
Damn it! Not again…
"And so, if I'm killed during the next few days…" he says, "I've told Yagami-san, the task force members, and the other Ls to assume that Yagami Light is Kira."
You don't manage to fully hide your shock and anger. "Oh? Didn't I tell you?" Ryuga asks with false sympathy. "I'm not the only one who calls himself L. Let's just say that L is a whole group of investigators."
Is he messing with me?
He's got to be messing with you. There's no way—right? But whether it's a bluff or true, it manages the same thing… you feel more paranoid than ever…
"You were saying how you missed me at school," he adds, suddenly casual, "so I thought it would be a good change of pace. College is fun as long as you don't die."
"...Yeah, it's boring without you," you admit. "Nobody on my level." You're trying to sound unconcerned, untouched by L's accusation, but still, it's the truth.
"And thus the brilliant Takada-san?" Ryuga asks ironically.
"Yeah," you say with a laugh in your voice. "Something like that."
« December 3, 2003. "By the way, Ryuk," you ask. "What does that mean, being possessed by a shinigami? You can't actually make me do anything I don't want to do, can you?"
"Huh? If you don't like the word 'possessed,' you can use 'haunted,' or even 'followed by.' There's nothing magical about it," Ryuk explains. "As for what it means…" he grins. "It just means you're mine." »
May 26, 2004. Mom's setting out breakfast, and Sayu's already eating, when you come downstairs with your cover story. Putting on a good-natured expression, you say, "hey kāsan, Sayu. Do you think you could keep Misa a secret from tōsan for a while?"
A night to get over Misa's appearance has given them time to get over their shock; mom murmurs a considerate—even fond— "yes, yes," though you know better than to think that means she approves.
Sayu's tone is nonchalant, though knowing, when she agrees, "yeah, otōsan's too stubborn."
Even if Misa hadn't been the Second Kira, you'd never have picked a girl like her to go out with. Someone from such an extreme subculture could have nothing in common with a clean-cut guy like Yagami Light, and even if she did, you'd feel mortified to be seen in public with someone like that. So it's a surprise to find that your mom and sister's easy acceptance of your apparent taste in women (incomprehensible as it may seem to them) actually touches you.
"And not just tōsan, but with everyone," you add, as you slide into your seat at the table. "She's an up-and-coming model, so she's not allowed to have a boyfriend."
"Oh, no wonder she was cute!" Sayu exclaims with a grin. "Good choice for a girlfriend, onichan!" And this time, you know she means it. "I'll keep it a secret, and it'll only cost you 5,000 yen!"
"Sayu!" mom exclaims, aghast, but you're smiling.
Everything's going to be just fine.
May 28, 2004. You shouldn't have called Misa's phone, but you'd wanted to tell her (yet again) not to keep following you. It doesn't matter, though, because when her ringtone jangles out merrily from the direction Ryuga walked off in, you know it's too late.
"Hello," Ryuga says.
"What do you mean, 'hello'?" you snap into the phone.
"Oh, looks like someone dropped this phone into the crowd earlier," Ryuga says idly. He must have swiped it out of her bag… this bastard… but if he's doing that, then he already suspects Misa of being the Second Kira…? That would mean her closeness to me would also deepen suspicion against me…
"Hello?" Ryuga asks again. As though it would even matter if the line disconnected. The two of you are still barely a yard away from each other…
"Yeah, that's Misa's phone, so I'll return it to her," you explain.
"Oh, sure." He holds out the phone, forcing you to walk over to take it from his hand, which you do with ill grace. But just then, another ringtone sounds in the air, this one a few simple beeps. "Oh, now it's my phone," Ryuga says. He picks it up in his odd way, flips it open and speaks into it. "Yes, yes… so you did it. Yes, understood…"
Did what?
"I believe this will be," Ryuga says, sliding his phone back in his pocket, "a case of good and bad news for you, Yagami-kun, but… Amane Misa has been apprehended on suspicion of being the Second Kira."
Everything whites out. You're sure your shock must show on your face, and for an instant you can't think about anything or what this might mean. You feel like you've fallen off of some tall tower, that you've been hurtling through the stratosphere only to end up here in front of Ryuga's deceptively idle words. He looks over his shoulder at you and continues, "an examination of Amane's room produced cat hair, cosmetic products, and clothing fibers similar to those found in the adhesive of the envelopes the Second Kira used to mail the tapes, along with other evidence. The arrest of a suspected Second Kira would cause a worldwide frenzy, so we will keep it secret for now. But we have arrested her. We've also taken in her manager on a drug-possession charge, but that will be kept secret too." If that part's supposed to be the good news it certainly doesn't make up for everything else he's just said…
Apprehended Misa… just when did he start suspecting her? For her to be caught this quickly… so in the end, rather than going into hiding, Ryuga was able to protect himself and uncover the truth by being close to me…
June 1, 2004. The sun is edging its way like a brilliant slash under the curtains, creeping toward the foot of the bed. You haven't slept all night. All you've been able to think about is the fact that Amane Misa was the Second Kira… which means…
It's looking very bad for you.
In fact, you're not sure how you're going to get out of this one—even though you're innocent.
But am I?
No. Why would you doubt yourself?
You know you're innocent. But does that matter, if all the evidence points the other way?
Amane Misa is certainly the Second Kira—L told you about her arrest in order to force you into some kind of action, thinking that you were Kira; he knows the two of you were in contact with each other; that she met you in Aoyama… it only gets worse the more you think about it: the fact that Raye Penber was investigating you before he died… if Misa tells L what he wants to know, if she manages to satisfy L's curiosity about the kiras' killing power, then the detective would no longer feel the need to gain any kind of confession from you. Misa could mention your name as her accomplice and it would be as good as killing you herself.
Just how cursed with ill-fortune can one person be? From the start, you've ended up tangled in this Kira investigation in ways that seem beyond belief… having an in to the task force, meeting Raye Penber and even seeing him die, and now being singled out by the Second Kira on the day she claimed to have found the First Kira. Maybe L's right about me, you think for a horrible moment—who else could be Kira, after all this?
And yet you know you're not! …Don't you?
No, of course you know it. You're not really doubting your sanity just because of Misa's arrest, are you? That's idiotic. On the other hand… after L's insistence on your guilt—anyone might doubt in such circumstances. It would be a reason to put yourself in confinement… force his hand… and then L would know for certain that you aren't Kira, when Kira kept killing regardless. He'd been so leery of the idea, before, but you can't think of a more solid way to prove your innocence to him and the other investigators, not with all the circumstantial evidence against you.
Carefully, you dismantle the desk-trap protecting your diary chronicling the Kira case. You take out the bag of gasoline, pry out the staples holding the wires down, unscrew the metal pieces that would turn it into a full circuit, and then you dispose of the evidence (there is no other way to think of what you are doing.)
You can't entirely get rid of the evidence of the false bottom in the desk drawer, so you opt to leave the compartment there; the task force will think they've found the only secret when they uncover the diary underneath, and with any luck they won't look further. If they do… well, maybe L could theorize about what kind of trap you'd built, but he can't prove it, can he?
There's plenty of reasons to doubt yourself. Surely it makes more sense that you're killing people unconsciously than that L is wrong, the evidence is all a coincidence, and you're just the unluckiest person in the world…
Who knows, after all, how Kira really kills… perhaps that code-word wasn't a code-word but a literal description of a being capable of possessing people… a death god… sure, you don't believe in death gods but you hadn't believed in killing from a distance either, before this case… but you don't remember killing, and if you were really killing while you were asleep surely L would've caught you during the time those cameras were in your house…
All along, you've been filling it in a diary of the Kira case, and it has everything from observations about Kira's pattern in the early months to your reaction upon being named a suspect, and all that's happened over the past couple of days, including Misa's arrest… it has everything in it; not only the facts, but your thought processes too. When the task force finds this diary, it will paint a perfect picture of how much you had tried to solve this case; and now, at the end, it will serve another purpose.
You open up the cover and pause with your hand over the pages. Am I really going to do this? you wonder. This goes much further than merely hacking into your dad's computer, or failing to mention that you'd met Raye Penber before his death… this is actually creating false evidence.
It won't matter, you try to remind yourself. Once I prove my innocence, even these shady methods will be justified. If I don't spin a story now, all I'll do is get myself killed.
So you press your pen to the paper, and write.
'I might be Kira.'
« Misa's given up her memories, which means she can't sell you out even if she wanted to. Unfortunately, you have to go to great lengths to save her or Rem will kill you—no. Don't think about that. The plan is solid, you've gone over every point. All you have to do now is play your part. All you have to do, is figure out a way to convincingly admit to only the possibility of being Kira, using the circumstantial evidence that the taskforce already knows… and something they don't know that you know, which is that you were under surveillance for five days, (so you can't be subconsciously killing people in your sleep, but you can be properly paranoid about the possibility)—and find a way to make it clear that it's through the sheer force of his personality that L's managed to convince you of your guilt. No one will find that suspect. After all, L is exactly the kind of person who would be capable of gaslighting someone else… in good conscience during his work as an investigator, of course.
All you have to be is an innocent victim.
Your Death Note is buried in the woods.
Rem's gone with the other one.
You've ditched the sneakers and tracksuit you wore for that trip in a dumpster, so there's no way anyone could find evidence from that…
To one side, Ryuk fills the empty, solemn quiet with the occasional munching on an apple.
"I wish I could go with you," he says at last.
"You'll be able to watch," you say. "Just not from up close."
"Yeah, exactly!"
There's nothing else you need to do. As soon as you dry your clothes and put them back in your closet, you'll be ready to go. You're dressed, but you haven't bothered to brush your hair and have taken no pains to hide how tired you look. Every detail counts toward the performance.
You won't get me this easily, L, you think grimly. One way or another… I will kill you. »
Just as he'd promised, L picks up immediately when you call his private line. You stand on the balcony outside to hide the sound of your conversation in the quiet, so early in the morning; the breeze plays across your skin, and the faintest hints of sun have filled the air with a peach softness.
"Ryuzaki?" you say, when the other end of the line is silent.
"Yes."
His tone is guarded even as he answers you. It makes you smile grimly, and you say, "are you with the task force right now?"
"Yes."
You open your mouth, but for a moment the words won't come. The moment you speak, you won't be able to back out. But you don't have a choice.
"With all this evidence against me," you say, quietly. "I'm beginning to worry that I might be Kira."
There's a long pause, and then another flat "yes…"
"But I want to talk in person," you say. "In front of the others, too."
You think you can hear him breathing on the other end of the line; you don't know how to read the tenor of his sigh. Anticipation? Regret? It dissipates into the static of the machine.
"I understand."
.
.
.