Chapter 2

How to Save a Life

Friday - Two Days Later

"Sweetie, wake up. I told you I would be back. And you know I always keep my promises."

I groaned as my deep slumber had been disrupted. I sighed and rolled back to the other side of the bed. It didn't feel familiar or warm like the one in Tarzana. It felt awfully cold.

"Loren, sweetie, wake up."

I tried to distinguish the hoarse voice of the person. A man. I shook the thought away and fell back into sleep. Then I suddenly felt chills go down my spine as frigid cold hands forcedly stroked my waist. I fluttered my eyes open as the said person was breathing heavily down my neck. I held my breath as I felt the revolting scent of alcohol. I shut my eyes close and prayed for all of this to be over soon. But my prayers and wishes were to no use. His grip on my waist intensified as I felt the bruises and injuries his nails were causing. I shook my head and he covered my mouth with his icy cold hands to stop my pleading screams. I swallowed and I felt my heart beat brusquely out of fear.

Is this it?

"Look at me."

I didn't comply. He violently shook me and in an instant, I felt his weight on top of me. I whimpered and tears quickly rolled down my cheek. One after the other, but I didn't dare to open my eyes, not even for one glimpse of the nightmare that could kill me if he wanted to. His nails dug deeper into my skin, my body was unable to move, and I couldn't fight him back even if I wanted to. Even if I tried to. All fight and energy were washed out of me. His hand was still covering my mouth and his repulsive smell lingered.

"Look at me!"

I gasped as I felt his freezing hands wrap around my neck. They squeezed all the air out of me. I opened my eyes at the unexpected action. Lifeless brown met menacing brown. I tried kicking him on his groin, but he had me in a lock. Both of my legs were pressed together by his powerful ones. I was immobile. In an attempt to escape from his hold, I clutched his wrist. My nails mauled into them, but he overpowered me.

He was killing me, choking me until my lungs could no longer function.

Where's my lifeline?

I gave up. I couldn't get out of this even if I attempted to do so. This is it, I thought. And I wanted to laugh, and cry, and scream, and stop altogether. I let go of his wrists. My hands fell to my sides. My body laid limply below his. It was my way of saying, I give up. And he tightened his hold on my throat. I closed my eyes and waited for the nightmare to be over.

Take me away.

Save me.

Then I heard a distant sound. It was like someone was calling my name and it sounded foreign, yet so painfully familiar. I tried to decipher who it was, and I concentrated on the voice pleading with anguish terror. The pleads were desperate and unrelenting; I felt like it was reaching for me. And it did. I was soon wrapped around a strong pair of arms, his hands stroking my body in a caressing manner, reassuring me everything will be okay. He was warm and I wanted to stay like that until the end of time. He held me so closely to him and I wanted to die like that. In his arms.

But my time was up. I was consumed back into my nightmare, and the warm embrace was replaced by the cold clutch around my throat. My lungs were begging for air and I had none to give it.

And slowly, I was fading.

I once again heard the frantic and desperate call of my name. This time I did open my eyes.

In an instant, I was up and panting for air. I clutched my head and tried to contain the whimpers. I didn't want to wake my mother up and have her try to calm me down so late in the night. I let out muffled cries as tears gently flowed down. I swallowed and shook my head trying to forget about everything. About this nightmare.

It's just a dream, I reassured myself. It's just a dream.

It's not real; it didn't happen. He is gone and can never hurt us again. He can't, right?

I bent my knees and brought them closer to me. I wrapped my arms around them and pressed my forehead on my forearm. I craved heat. I needed heat. It was something this room took away from me in the night with its rigid cold. I rocked back and forth, and my body trembled as the constant memories of him and all the pain he inflicted came rushing back.

No, please, no more.

And suddenly I was the same fourteen-year-old crying in her room to stop all of this. I can't seem to let go.

How can you heal when you can't let go of your nightmares?

One Day Later (Saturday)

"Honey, you should eat?"

"I'm not hungry."

I gripped the fork in my hand forcibly. My hand was turning white from the pressure. I stabbed the steak with the fork. I heard my mother heave a sigh. She placed her utensils on the plate. She cleared her throat in authority and I reluctantly looked up, forcing myself to meet her concerned gaze. I pressed my lips together.

"What's wrong?"

I shrugged. "Nothing," she narrowed at my white lie. "I'm just not hungry."

It was all the sudden tense. I leaned back against my chair and took the fork out of the piece of meat. I grabbed the butter knife and sloppily cut a small piece. I popped it into my mouth and reluctantly ate the steak. I chewed and swallowed; it was tasteless to me. I met her gaze again and she looked at me with a pained expression. Her eyes were glossy, and she pushed her plate. She shook her head in an unsatisfied manner. I, eyes casted down, stared at my hands turning into fists.

"Honey, are you having nightmares again?"

My mouth parted slightly but I closed it back again. I laughed humorlessly and avoided her gaze. She stood up from her seat and walked over to me. She gently kneeled and looked up at me. I smiled weakly and she smiled back understandably.

"We're okay, right?"

I searched her eyes for answers. All I found were brown eyes on the verge of tears. I searched them over and over again. Maybe looking for any hesitation or doubts, but she continued smiling.

"He can't hurt us anymore, right?"

I felt a fat tear roll down my cheek. Even after all these years, I'm still wounded. I wiped the tear away and my mom just looked at me with compassion. Her smile was still there, not fading away.

"He will never come back. He can't touch us anymore," I darted my gaze away from her not being able to stand her smile. "Because he's where he belongs, and" I was a wreck of tears. She just kept smiling, "we don't have to go through all of that all over again because it's over, right?"

Silence followed and she still didn't say anything. I wanted her kind and soothing words reassuring me that everything was okay. That we were okay. She didn't, instead she continued to look at me.

"Right, mom? It's all over. We can finally be happy? Yeah, happy. And we can finally live and make up all those years of pain and hurt and - "

I felt her arms softly wrap around my trembling body. A soft whimper escaped, and I quickly embraced her back. Her hold on my small figure tightened and I smiled through the endless stream of tears that blurred my vision as she whispered with a tremor, "right. He can't hurt us anymore."

After dinner, I locked myself in my room like a hermit. I ignored my phone ringing on the nightstand. I knew who it was, and although my heart skipped a beat, and my body itched to pick up the phone, my stubbornness won. I ignored it until the ringing stopped. A minute later, I heard the vibration indicating a text message was received. I rolled to my side to reach for my phone.

Eddie: I know you're ignoring me, and it's not going to work. I'll try again tomorrow.

I bit back a smile. He has been calling and texting me without failure at 5:30pm every day since I saw him at the mall. While my body and heart wanted me to answer his texts and calls, my mind convinced me that this is temporary. Eddie will get tired and will forget about me. Whatever interest Eddie has in me is fixation – the mystery of the girl on the hill who never said much and always kept to herself. It was a temporary preoccupation that will fade away with time. I put away my phone. Being left and forgotten by Eddie would destroy me. I couldn't allow my fantasies of him become reality. It would be so easy to fall for him, I knew because I was three years ago, and he had the power to hurt me, and that terrified me.

Next Day (Sunday)

I walked down a long row of cemented pavement. Unlike the many other sidewalks around, this one was grey and lacked colorful whirls of lines and funky objects. I walked down in a slow pace and ignored everything. I placed my hands on the pocket of my white, thin jacket. It was the perfect temperature to stay home and lay in bed all day today, but my mother insisted that I get gulps of fresh air. I was about to argue with her that it's rather inutile to go out for fresh air considering how polluted the world has become in the last decade. But her stern look made me shut my mouth and skid quickly away from her I-don't-have-time-for-your-crap look.

So, that's how I ended up somewhere in a shopping plaza in Tarzana. I've never gone out that much except for school and grocery needs and sometimes, though rarely, shopping for clothes. Anyways, point is that I've never been in this part of Tarzana. I was planning on walking around the block of my house for thirty minutes, but my mother came out of the house after ten minutes and demanded me to get away. I had gone twice around the block when I skidded away from her look.

Eddie: What are you doing today?

I looked at Eddie's text for a long moment and hurriedly pushed my phone down my back pocket before I did something stupid like text him back my location. I took careful and deliberate steps. Remarks of angry passerby's were blocked out. I looked away from the color deprived sidewalk to look at the gloomy sky. Artificially planted trees took most of the view, but I still noticed the obnoxiously gray clouds covering the sky. My eyebrows furrowed together, and I began walking again when someone bumped into me. I hadn't even noticed I stopped walking.

I exhaled roughly. The nightmares were coming back. Even though he was gone for good, he still found ways to torture me. He haunts me through my dreams. It all consists of restless nights and/or waking up in terror at the vivid images of him. Memories that I've wanted to forget but found I could not, have been used up nightmare after nightmare.

When is it all going to end?

When can I finally be able to fall back asleep and not have his revolting memory?

I took a deep breath and continued walking. Don't think about it, I tell myself. Let it go. Let it all go. I sometimes pull all-nighters to have a day without those dreams. It's futile because he manages to creep back into my mind. A picture or a noise ricochet memories back to me.

I just have to let it go. It's so simple. Forget about it all. But I can't. Not when there's too much pain that I don't know how get out rid of. I'm supposed to be fine. He's finally out of my life and I'm supposed to be saved. Then why do I still feel like I'm drowning? Like it happened yesterday, a memory so fresh but it is not; I could still feel his cold calloused hands wrapped around my neck.

I swallowed all my tears away and continued walking. I needed a distraction before I succumbed to my trauma in the middle of the shopping plaza. I took out my phone and stared at Eddie's recent text. What if, maybe just this once, I can indulge my heart. I wasn't going to kid myself and think of the possibility of something other than friendship flourishing between Eddie and me. But I couldn't help remembering his lips and how I ached to know how they would feel on mine. I couldn't deny how my heart faltered, my breath hitched, whenever he got so close almost as if he made my body stop functioning. Biting the bullet before my mind convinced me otherwise, I responded.

Loren: Walking around a plaza in Tarzana, the one with the Barnes and Nobles.

I quickly put my phone back in my back pocket and continued mindlessly walking for another 15 minutes. I came to a stop at a gigantic tree. It was located next to a boutique store. It was decorated with a lot of pastel colors and the front windows all had heart shaped advertisements taped on. A lot of girls rushed in hastily, and a lot of girls came with big smiles plastered on their faces. A saw a couple of boys shyly go inside the pink store. Probably getting something for their girlfriends. They were all around my age. I looked at them like a creepy weirdo for another minute. I was about to turn away when a blond boy caught my eye. He looked familiar.

I was interrupted from my not-so-discreet ogling. My phone went crazy in my pocket and started vibrating. I took it out and answered without looking at the caller ID. I hesitantly answered. "Hello?"

"Hey!"

I had no idea who it could be.

"Hi. Who's this?"

"You sent me your location. I wanted to you see again."

It was Eddie. My mind reeled at what I had done, but my heart was celebrating. "I didn't mean for you to come." Not that I was complaining but he didn't need to know that.

I heard him chuckle on the other end. "Turn around."

He hung up and I slowly complied. I was completely taken by surprise when I met his sparkling brown eyes. Eddie smiled warmly and I waved awkwardly. He was standing a few feet away from me, but that was all diminished when he took three graceful strides towards me. I looked around nervously as I must've looked like a wreck. I shook those thoughts away. When did I care about that?

The smile was still on his face as he stood in front of me. He gently caressed my cheek, a gesture that he is only able to do. He, along with my mother and now Melissa, are the only ones that I allow to even get close to me. The only one that can touch me without me flinching away in reaction. I have been always been paranoid about little things, from loud noises to a person accidentally touching me. I have been like this since Trent. Eddie brings all of that down. And I feel completely at ease when he's around, from the first time I met him up on that hill to today. I hate it. I hate this effect he has on me.

He placed a strand of hair behind my ear, and I held my breath because we were so close. A couple inches separated us. His eyes found mine and I felt his hand slide down my waist, securely holding it and he pulled me into an embrace. I melted into his arms and inhaled his scent. He smelled like lavender laundry detergent and fabric softener, crisp and fresh. My head had found comfort in his chest, and I felt his chin delicately rest on top of my head. When I realized what I was doing, I pushed him away and quickly got out of his hold. He looked hurt but rapidly masked it with a sheepish expression.

"Hi, beautiful."

Beautiful?I wanted to roll my eyes at that. I didn't though because I blushed instead. I gave him a timid smile but did not dare to look at him. He stepped closer to me once again and this time, he didn't pull me into another embrace. Instead, he entwined his fingers into mine and pulled me for a walk. I didn't even have time to protest before he dragged me deeper into the plaza. I couldn't put much of a fight because he was way stronger than me. I discreetly observed him and noticed that he was wearing a baby blue T-shirt that perfectly fit on his toned body. He wore dark blue jeans and casual sneakers. On his head he had a black nondescript cap, and sunglasses. I assumed that was to conceal his identity. I blushed because Eddie was effortlessly good-looking. I noticed a radiant smile on him, and I swore I saw the slightest of blushes on his cheeks, but I dismissed it. It was rather chilly today, that could explain his flushed face.

"Don't you have a girlfriend?"

He looked quizzically at me.

"You know," I said slowly, "Chloe Carter?"

"Chloe who?"

"The blonde from the other day."

"Oh, her?" He shrugged. "She's history. I told you I would break up with her." He said it so nonchalant that I felt relieved she didn't mean much to him.

"Why?"

"I met someone else." He looked at me and slowed down our pace. I felt my stomach drop in disappointment at the fact that someone else had his interest. She was probably as pretty as Chloe Carter, if not, prettier. By each passing second, I felt smaller, and my heart got stuck on my throat. I was reminded of why I shouldn't get close to him. I scolded myself for responding back to his text.

His hold on my hand tightened and it brought me back. He gently pulled me closer to his side, making our arms touch. Although my arm was covered, I still felt a quiver run down my body. I looked at him curiously. The blush was still delicately placed on his cheeks. His eyes slowly trailed down to stare at my neck. I reflexively took a hold of the necklace. I was planning on giving it back to him, but that thought flew away when I notice his eyes cloud with sudden adoration and a soft look formed on his face.

"Really? Who?"

He cleared his throat and laughed nervously. His eyes flickered away from the necklace. The grip he had on my hand stopped blood from circulating around that area and he scratched his head with his free hand. I assumed he was either nervous or didn't want to tell me. He settled down with sighing, smiling and looking away from me. Fine don't tell me, I thought.

"I thought it was obvious," I heard him mumbled, but I didn't know what he meant. He took in my confused face, and then his gaze trailed down to our hands. He let out a sort of frustrated sigh. "You'll know soon."

"Oh, so mystery girl?"

"Something like that."

And that was that. I was still confounded that our hands were still interlocked as we continued walking at a slow steady pace. I slipped my hands away from his as soon as he had loosened his death grip. I crossed my arms around my chest. I saw Eddie nod disappointedly.

"What are you doing for Valentines?" He wasn't looking at me.

"Nothing."

"Really?"

"No. I'm the most socially inept person alive."

"Not even a secret admirer?"

I snorted. "Not even one of those. I bet you have a dozen lining up for you, Eddie Duran." I stated the obvious.

"Well, Loren Tate, I know for sure you have the power to have guys begging on their knees for your attention."

"Why would you think that?"

"Because you are beautiful."

I smiled bitterly. Again, with this? "Yeah, right." Eddie suddenly and stared at me for a long moment. I looked away instantly and then I noticed the other stares. Every single person that walked by looked over at us, said something to the person walking next to them, then looked at us again. Some even took pictures and hesitated on coming over to us with paper and pen. I looked over at him curiously, ready to ask him why there was so much attention directed towards us.

But I had remembered then what I had forgotten: Eddie is famous. I wondered why he would go out in public like this knowing he would get recognized. I figured since this is Tarzana, nothing fancy, where most malls and plazas were empty, it was safe for him to go out for a little bit before someone recognized him and the paparazzi swarmed him like flies.

I was ready to make a break from him and not so gloriously escape. I was about to run down the gray pathway when I noticed he was deliberating on something. His gaze was on me. I saw his eyes flickered back that moment, and he shook his head. Then I was being dragged to a nearby clothing store for the elderly. We entered and he pushed me to the dressing rooms.

"Eddie, what are you doing?"

He spun me around and I blinked a couple of times to only find myself reflected on the mirror. Eddie stepped to the side, crossed his arms and observed me intently. I sighed and stared at my reflection.

"Look at yourself in that mirror and tell me what you see."

I averted my gaze to him, and he smiled sweetly at me. I let out an exasperated sigh and shrugged as I studied myself. From my oversized hoodie; to my red converse; to my straight brunette hair; to my hazel eyes; to my pale face; and finally, to my washed-out jeans.

"I see a girl who needs to-" I stopped. "Someone who can't-" I bit my lip and looked at him. He gave me an encouraging smile, but pain was written on his irises. My eyes drifted back to the girl in the mirror, and I gave a dejected shrug.

I can't do this. I shook my head and bit my lip again. My eyes found the floor. The green carpet with little fibers sticking out was more interesting than the girl on the mirror. I closed my eyes for a second, and when I opened them, Eddie's shoes were positioned in front of mine.

"Hey, look at me."

He cupped my cheeks and lifted my face up. I met his eyes and they burned with sympathy. I was about to step away from him and run. I looked at the door and the idea shut down. It was locked and Eddie would be able to grab me before I opened it. I was thinking of kneeing him on his parts, but then he smiled.

"You want to know what I see?"

I shook my head, but he continued. I prepared myself for the worst.

"I see someone who has gone through a lot. I see someone who is lost and confused and in the most inevitable way, hurt," he whispered so tenderly, his eyes holding a foreign emotion. "I see someone that has been fighting for too long and she's slowly fading. She's losing herself and she doesn't know how to get back up."

My eyes were watery, and I wanted him to stop. When did I become so easy to read? The past two years I shut myself away from others, hiding my hurt. Only my therapist – although I stopped going a year ago – and my mother knew what I was going through. But Eddie seemed to read me like an open book. He saw right through me. He always has from the moment I first saw him on that hill. It's just this time around, with my walls crumbling down, my sanity at a breaking point, I'm not as strong as16-year-old me who could conceal her pain. Maybe, that's not the case… maybe I just feel so safe with him, I don't have pretend to be okay.

I blinked a couple of times to stop the tears from rolling down, but they betrayed me. Eddie wiped a few away with his thumb. He held me so gently that I felt a sense of security wash over me. I wanted to give in and never pull away. His hands caressingly cupped my cheeks. I wanted him to stop talking, but at the same time I didn't because then it would mean that he would have to let me go. I didn't want him to let go.

"I see someone strong, someone who has endured so much but she still gets up and puts up a fight," he let out a shaky breath, "I see someone beautiful, inside and out. When she gives away one of her rare smiles, there's a light in her eyes that captivates anybody… You're not weak, Loren Tate." I opened my eyes, and his face was so sincere, I didn't question him. "I see someone beautiful," he stated again, "but she doesn't see it." His gaze was soft. "She doesn't see what I see."

Millions of thoughts ran through my mind. Millions of fears rushed back. But hope, an estranged feeling, was slowly igniting in me. And as we stood there, him gently caressing my cheeks, me clutching his shirt and a few centimeters separating us, I felt like my nightmares could be defeated, and there would be a time that I could sleep with no interruptions.

And I wanted to ask him about how to save a life so broken like mine.

Next Day (Monday)

"Get in the car!"

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm picking you up so we can go to school."

"How do you know where I live?"

I stared at Melissa's brown eyes. She smiled mischievously. First, she forces me to go shopping. Now, she's stalking me to my house and forcing me tag along everywhere she goes. Melissa simply shrugged and patted the passenger seat. I twitched as she coaxed me to hurry up. Sighing, I walked towards her car. I opened the door and silently got in. She drove away and I scrutinized her oddly giddy behavior. She's too excited, more than usual. As soon as she stopped at a red stoplight, she quickly turned to me and let out a high pitch squirm. I flinched; my ears rung from her banshee-like scream. She couldn't hold it anymore and began rambling. I stared at her amused as she tried to catch her breath between her obscurities.

"Melissa-"

"And I just can't wait and-"

"Mel!"

"Oh, this is so going be fun!"

"Melissa!"

"Loren, you are so going to have the time of your life."

My eyebrow rose in confusion and she began driving. "Okay? Care to explain how and why?"

"Two words: Eddie. Duran. Concert."

"That's three actually."

"Whatever! You're missing the point."

"Which is?"

"We're going to have the privilege to see him live in concert "

"Didn't he already finish his world tour?"

"Oh, yeah. Well, this is like a mini concert he is doing in his dad's club two weeks from now. And it's all ages! I already have the tickets. I had them pre-ordered. And I was freaking out because they were supposed to come out last week. But didn't. And now they're here and life is good! So, missy you cost me $150. But it'll be so worth it."

"What if I don't feel like going?" Melissa snorted at my question and laughed mockingly. "Oh, but you're still coming. I already bought the tickets with the intention for both of us to go, so it's not a matter of wanting to come. I am your best friend, and it is your duty to come support me in my time of need." I shivered at the thought of a fan-crazed Melissa Sanders. I will have to most likely tie a rope around her and yank her back to me every time she wants to run towards the stage and assault Eddie. Or maybe I can use a taser on her.

"You're still coming to see Eddie Duran and his hotness."

I didn't argue anymore. When Melissa wants something, she gets it. So, what's the point of putting a fight when you know she'll win regardless of what you say? The light turned green and she drove. The car ride became quiet and I touched the jewel of my necklace with delicacy. I lifted the heart shaped necklace and gently felt the small diamond engraved on it. The necklace Eddie gave me. I smiled at the memory of our encounter after two long years. Then I remembered yesterday's fresh encounter and a blush appeared. I shook away the thought of his laugh and his smile, but I wound up wanting to see him again. I bit my lip and continued twisting the necklace between my fingers softly.

"That's a cute necklace."

"Hm, yeah…"

"Who gave it to you?"

I smiled a small one when his face came to mind. "Eddie." I looked at her, letting the necklace fall. She raked her brains for all the Eddie's she knew. Only one came to mind for her.

"Duran?" Melissa asked sarcastically. Though her mocking smiled dropped when I nodded. I took a hold of the heart jewel again. Melissa almost chocked. Then kept driving but she looked at me from the corner of her eyes looking at me in disbelief. "You met him?" She asked slowly. "When?"

I shrugged. "Like three years ago. And on Thursday at the mall. And then yesterday."

"He was at the mall?" She asked and then her eyes sparked in recognition. "He was the guy talking to you?" She had arrived a little before Eddie walked away from me, but she hadn't recognized him as all she saw was his back. She asked who he was, but I just shrugged. She didn't push me and simply dropped it.

She looked back at the necklace, "and he gave you that necklace?"

"Yeah, it was his mom's."

"He gave you his mom's necklace?"

"I didn't want to take it, but he basically put it on me."

"Wow," she said, "Eddie Duran and you."

She turned quiet all the sudden, then a smile appeared out of nowhere. It made me slightly uncomfortable. "What's wrong?"

"Well, it's completely beyond my comprehension as to why you are taking this so lightly. Loren, Eddie gave you his mother's necklace to a girl who he has only met briefly. What was it? Four times?"

It was more than four times, I wanted to defend. "He said 'Happy Valentines' when he gave it to me."

At this Melissa let out a soft whistle. I shrugged and her eye twitched at my reaction.

"So, he declared you as his Valentine indirectly and you're oblivious to it?"

"What?" I didn't know where she was going. She was smiling knowingly.

"Loren Tate, you are Eddie Duran's Valentines."