Down
Saturday 12 P.M.
Today has been nothing but uneventful, but that's to be expected. Working at the café has always been an obligation, not something I'd do in my free will. I needed the extra income, and something to do besides staying home. The place was slowly dying down, and the only customers it got were the regulars and they were gradually leaving this place to the dump. Marie Simmons, my boss, was losing hope of this place too. Aroma Café just didn't have that spark anymore. The small venue once had a feel-at-home atmosphere, the pastel walls that were now fading to a dull gray color were once inviting and calming.
When I started working here, I had recently moved to Tarzana with my mother, I used to work seven days a week. For a time, it was my sanctuary, I used it to run away from everything happening at once back at home. I hadn't noticed how a lot of kids from my school were regulars at the café. I only started noticing when everyone found out about Trent. Then the stares, and whispers started, and I couldn't take it, and I started picking up less shifts and coming in less and less. I think now I come twice a week, but even then, that's dwindling. Maria still had me on the roster as backup. The stares and whispers were still happening but nowadays they were due to my association with Eddie, and less about Trent.
"That would be 3.50."
I patiently waited for the curly-haired petite girl to pay for her iced coffee. She had kind eyes I noticed, but then that could mean nothing as I've seen her hang around Adriana.
"Hey Loren," she fiddled with her wallet's zipper.
"What do you want, Emily?" I averted my gaze from the cashier to her bronzed face. She smiled neurotically and began twirling a curl with her forefinger. "Well, so you know how you and Eddie Duran are like best friends, right?"
I shifted my head to side, sizing her up, and nodded curtly. She suddenly shrieked with what I supposed was glee.
"OMG, really?"
"Right, what about it?" I gently drummed the rim of the open cashier with my fingers and Emily smiled excitedly.
"How did you guys meet?" I stared at her for a moment. Her question caught me off guard, and while she didn't seem to be a threat, I didn't trust her. Emily was perceptive as she noticed my suspicion.
"I would like to know. I'm a big fan of Eddie, and big fan of you." Her cheeks turned a rosy color as she tucked several strands of her curly hair behind her ears and her eyes fluttered. I raised an eyebrow and tried to figure out if she was trying to look cute on purpose. "I always thought you were so cool always standing up to Adriana back in middle school. I've never seen her so scared of anyone, and if I am being honest," she leaned closer to me, whispering, "I think she's still scared of you."
She looked harmless enough, that didn't mean I was going to spill my heart out to her. I thought about her question, and a small smile found its way to my lips as I reminisced that day on top of the hill. I could still picture the sparkle in his eyes that illuminated when he laughed. I could still inhale his intoxicating scent. I could still picture our proximity and my body going numb, my cheeks pink with embarrassment, and my mind jumbled with incoherent thoughts. I could still hear my heart screaming; yelling so loud that I was able to feel the danger of falling for him.
"It's a long story."
A sigh of disappointment escaped Emily's lips but soon a small smile replaced it. "That's okay, maybe you can tell me another time," she leaned in closer; she fluttered her amber eyes again, "if you want."
Oh crap, was she flirting? I shook these thoughts away. I don't care if she was flirting. I did, however, take note of how pretty she looked flirting and tucked this piece of information to use for later. I wanted to use her same tactic on Eddie and see what effect it had on him. I found Emily cute, so it would have the same effect if I did it right. It was for research purposes. Of course.
"Yeah, maybe," was my simple response. She seemed to be satisfied with this. "Are you going to pay for your coffee?"
"Oh, yes, here" She quickly handed me a $20 bill. I accumulated her change and gave it to her. She grabbed her coffee but before turning around she hesitated, "Can I ask you something?"
I wanted to say no. Even though she was never associated with Adriana's verbal attacks, she was still part of Adriana's posy and when it comes to Adriana or anything that involves her, they mean trouble. Before I was able to reply, Emily had already placed her coffee on the counter. She pressed her lips together and I raised an eyebrow waiting for her. She reminded me of Melissa for a moment. "Sure."
"Are you and Eddie a thing?" She didn't waste a second. I blinked a couple of times, dumbfounded.
"A thing?"
"Yeah," She nodded enthusiastically. "You know, boyfriend and girlfriend kind of thing."
I wanted to say yes, but I bit my tongue. Because for one, I don't know her, and it wasn't any of her business. Second, I didn't know how to answer the question because Eddie and I hadn't established what we were. I recalled our kiss yesterday. I remembered his tongue plunging into my mouth, and mine doing the same. I remembered my hands touching him everywhere. Remembering our first kiss made my cheeks turn scarlet. Unfortunately for me, Emily took my lack of answer and red face as her answer.
"Oh, my goodness!" She yelped boisterously. "You are! You are!" Lucky me that this place was empty. "Look at you, you're all red and stuff! I totally knew it; I mean those looks that he gives you are undeniable. And the way that you look at him too! It's just so perfect."
"Emily, please stop yelling."
"I was right! And this is a first for me since I am completely wrong most of the time. But I'm right and Adriana was wrong. That jealous bitch will have a fit when she finds out!" She exhaled cheerfully, "This is too cute for words."
"We're not boyfriend and girlfriend." We were a thing, after yesterday, that wasn't a doubt, but Eddie hasn't asked me to be his girlfriend, and I wanted to be asked. I tucked this piece of information away to bring up later, for when I see him again and I can try out that flirting tactic I just learned.
"Oh, but you are." She was so sure of herself. "You guys look so adorable together on pictures, I can already imagine you two in the same room being all cute and not being able to keep your hands off each other." Well, that one was true. "You're not even denying it! Too cute! I can't handle it."
"Emily, we're friends – "
"Ugh, you used the F word." She waved her hand at me, dismissing what I just said and there was a look of disgust on her face. "Please, stop lying to yourself and Eddie, who adores you so much, and just admit you guys are perfect for each other."
She's just like Melissa. "You're impossible." I concluded with a genuine smile. She shrugged innocently and quickly took out her phone. "So, um, this has been fun. If you want, we can hang out sometime." She gently looked at me and my smile faded.
I sighed, "Look Emily, you seem sweet but – "
"You probably think I'm like Adriana," I avoided her gaze, and I sensed a hint of hurt in her tone. "I get that a lot, but I'm not like her at all." She bit her button lip nervously. "I know you see me around her, but it's not because I want to, I swear." That statement confused. "And I sincerely want to be your friend, so let's get together sometime. It'll be fun, I promise."
She seemed sweet, but I don't trust easily.
"You can invite Melissa," She persisted. "You don't trust me and you most likely think I'm brewing up a plan to bring you down and Adriana turns out to be the mastermind of all this, but that is not true. I promise."
She pushed her phone forward and I sighed. I don't know what her motives were, and it was suspicious she suddenly wanted to be my friend. I've known Emily since the 9th grade and she has always been facing Adriana's back, waiting in the sidelines, for her next victim. I shouldn't trust her, but I found her genuine. Nonetheless, that could just be an act. I remembered yesterday, Eddie telling me that we couldn't really avoid deceitful people, we can only control how we deal with them. In that moment, Emily was not raising any alarm bells
I deliberated for a moment before finally taking out my phone. She squealed when she realized I was accepting her friendship. Before we exchanged phone numbers, a gasp was heard. We both quickly turned to look at a pink blob with long, golden and curly hair about to pass out from complete bewilderment.
"Emily!" She screeched. "What are you doing?"
"Nothing Aid."
"Why are you talking Ms. Ugly-verse?"
"You really need to work on your insults." Emily said. I agreed, she really did.
"Answer me!"
"I'm just buying a coffee. You need to chill." Emily grabbed her coffee and smiled apologetically. I noticed she looked panicked. I placed my phone back in my pocket and closed the cashier. She walked towards Adriana who was fuming, the hatred in her eyes was unmissable but it wasn't directed towards me. I don't know why, but I felt the sudden urge to place Emily behind me and shield her from Adriana.
"Let's go." Emily said quietly, I almost missed the tremble in her voice. Without thinking, I walked around the counter towards them.
"Oh, so now that you know Eddie Duran you think you're better than us. Don't you, you little shit?" I didn't bother looking at her, my eyes were trained on Emily.
"Look at me!" She demanded.
"Adriana, just stop!" Emily grabbed Adriana's arm, and then I saw her stumble backwards. For a moment I saw red when I heard the slap resound the room. In an instant, I don't even know how, I had Adriana's face pushed against one of the café's tables. My hand gripped her hair, her golden locks spread beautifully on the table. My other hand gripped her right elbow, holding it an weird vertical angle, preventing her from moving. I pushed my knees against the back of hers, forcing her legs to wobble forward. She had no support, no way to move and fight back.
I heard Emily gasp. Adriana squirmed under my hold, "Let me fucking go."
I didn't bother responding, she could stop breathing for all I cared. "Does she hit you often?"
Emily looked away from me, she looked almost embarrassed, and then I saw her shoulders drop in shame. "Yes."
"How long has she been hitting you, Emily?"
She looked at me then, her eyes glistening. "Three years." I nodded, that was a long time. I don't know what Emily saw in my face that she rushed towards me, pleading. "I never stood up to her. I never fought back." I looked at her confused for a second, and then I shook my head as I realized she was justifying why she got hit.
"I fought back, Emily. For ten years, I fought back, and it wasn't enough until it was." Emily's eyes widened. "It's not your fault, you got that?" She covered her mouth with her hand and tears flowed. I saw her body tremble, and for a moment, I saw myself in her.
"What do you want me to do with her, Emily?" Adriana squirmed again, and I pushed her face into the table, shutting her up.
"What do you mean?"
Emily was genuinely confused. I sighed, "Well, the way I have her arm like this, it would be so easy to break it. I can break it, for you." I moved her arm backwards in an unnatural angle, "For Melissa," Adriana started pleading as she realized I was being serious, "For me."
"You would do that?"
"Yes," I looked at Emily and waited patiently for her answer. I saw the smallest of awe and fear as she looked at me. Adriana kept pleading underneath me.
"No," Emily shook her head. "We're not like her."
"Okay," I let Adriana go, and she instantly scrambled towards the exit.
"What the fuck," Adriana hissed. I stood in front of Emily. Fear flashed in Adriana eyes.
"You're going to pay for what you just did to me." She whispered callously. "You better watch your back, Tate."
Adriana left the café, and I exhaled slowly. I turned to Emily, and she was holding herself. "Do you have good parents?" Emily looked at me, startled with my question.
"Yes," she whispered, "they're the best."
"That's good," I looked at the entrance door pensively, before looking back at Emily. "You should tell your parents about Adriana. Having them elevate it to the principal, it should be enough for her to get off your back. You're going to have to be careful, if you have good friends, make sure they're with you all the time at school. Adriana will try to get to you alone. Don't allow that."
"Okay, yes, I can do that, I figured as much." Emily stood now two feet away from. "Why did you do that? Adriana will try to get to you, don't take her threat lightly."
"She shouldn't take me lightly either." I murmured. "I'll deal with Adriana. Worry about yourself. Sorry, I probably made it worse for you."
"No, don't apologize!" Emily grabbed my shoulders but instantly let me go when she felt my body tense. "Nobody has ever stood up for me like that, it was a wakeup call, the way she has been treating me is not normal. I know what I need to do." Emily squared her shoulders and smiled brightly at me. "I'm going home to tell my parents, thank you Loren. I will get your number later."
I watched her hurriedly exit the café. I hoped she would get home safe and not run into Adriana. I went back to the counter to start cleaning up before afternoon rush. As I was wiping the counter, everything dawned on me. What I had just done. My body just acted on its own accord. My skin prickled, and I knew that Adriana would have her payback.
2 P.M
"I can't."
Marie's smile fell. "Why?"
I smiled, "I have to attend something important tomorrow."
"Is it a life-or-death situation?"
"Not that drastic, but it's really important." I passed the wet cloth over the countertop while Marie's bubbly persona stood behind the cashier, attending the buzzing customers. The café suddenly began to be filled with impatient, grumpy and broke students. "I guess your 2 for 1 special is working."
"Yes!" She exclaimed. "That's why I need you tomorrow! Imagine how full this place will be! Furious people at late hours of the day claiming their half off milkshakes with empanadas! Loren, please come."
"I told you, I have somewhere important to go tomorrow, and I'm sorry I can't help you."
She sighed frustratingly and then she went quiet for a moment. "What about," She began again, "If you come tomorrow, I will pay twice your pay and bonus. Yes, a bonus and you can eat free here!"
"I already eat free here, employee's benefits."
"Well, it's not like you take full advantage of free milkshakes either. What about the bonus?"
"Hey, I am taking advantage. I had two shakes today." I couldn't deny I was torn between being broke and Eddie.
"You need the money for college and all that future life stuff. And it'll be a nice, pleasant bonus. We're talking about hundreds, dear."
"Okay," I mumbled.
"What was that?"
"I'm coming tomorrow."
"Yes! I love you!"
My phone vibrated and I suspired in relief. "Shift's over." I told Marie and she nodded with a smile. I quickly went to the back room and grabbed my jacket and purse.
I walked past Marie and as I was stepping outside, she screamed, "Remember, 12 to 10!"
I soughed and looked up at the blue sky. A small smile appeared. I really did want to go to that concert.
Passing past my mailbox, past the small garden my mother had planted a while back, I opened the front door and slowly walked in.
"Hi, Honey."
I looked directly at my mother, who was sitting down at the dining table eating some chocolate. It was the chocolate Eddie got me for Valentine's. Melissa had grabbed the basket of flowers and sweets and brought them home. I had already eaten half the box of chocolate, and my mother was finishing the rest. She flipped through the pages of the magazine she was reading. "How was work?"
"Uneventful." I didn't want my mom to worry about my encounter with Adriana. This wouldn't be the first time she had heard and delt with Adriana. The last time she went to my school because of Adriana's bullying, my mom tore the school principal a new one. The poor man, I think that's when he started balding. Whatever my mom said or did, worked. Adriana stopped bothering me for a while.
"I do have bad news, though."
I grabbed a piece of chocolate from the table where it sat next to the bundle of roses Eddie got. The rest of the roses were in my bedroom. Her gaze was now fixed on me and not on the paper lying on the table. Her eyebrows rose in a concerned manner. I walked towards her. "I can't go tomorrow."
"Where?"
"The concert." She looked at me for a second before dropping her gaze down at the magazine. "Why not?" She frowned.
"I have a shift, two actually. It'll be busy tomorrow and Marie needs help."
"Wait, what about the other girls? Sasha and Julie?"
"They said they're busy."
"But so are you, honey, you have to go to Eddie's tomorrow."
"I want to, but I also need the extra cash."
"So, you prefer to work non-stop instead of supporting Eddie?"
I sighed and clutched the chair for support. "Well, when you put that way, it sounds bad."
"I didn't mean to guilt trip you, sorry. Eddie was pretty excited to see you again."
"I'll make it up to him. Plus, he'll understand."
My mother smiled, "that poor boy is going to have a heart attack. He adores you, you know?"
"He'll manage. I have to go call Mel and Eddie to break the news. Wish me luck with Melissa."
"Good luck."
I chuckled and walked towards my room. I slowly closed the door behind me and took out my phone. I sat on the bed and began dialing Eddie's number. I waited patiently for him to pick up, but he didn't. After five rings, it went straight to voicemail. I decided to tell him about the news over voice instead of text.
"Hi Eddie, it's Loren. I know you're busy with the concert tomorrow and I wanted to call you to tell you good luck! I know you'll probably hate me, but I can't come tomorrow. I have a long shift at the café. But I know you'll be great and I'm sorry I can't come. Okay, bye. Call back when you can."
That's done. My thumbs danced around the screen for a moment before I finally dialed Melissa's number. After the first ring she picked up. "Melissa Sanders. What do you want?"
"Hi, Mel…"
"Uh-oh, why does that sound like bad news to me?"
"It is bad news, and I also have to tell you something that happened with Adriana today."
Night is the devil's advocate. Night is when demons lurk around. My skin is glistening from sweat; my chest rises and falls rapidly. My mouth trembles and I hide under my covers.
I don't know what's wrong.
Everything should be okay. It should but it's not. And I don't know why. Why does the day seem to be fine to me, but then night comes, and I feel suffocating again? I should be okay, but I'm not.
I'm losing what I never found.
Night creeps in, and so do the demons. I wish they would just leave. The room is dark and eerie. I wonder what it feels like to fall asleep. To have a dreamless and soundless night and just sleep. No nightmares, no ghosts taunting me.
I wonder - and that's my problem - I keep wondering about it. I keep them locked and never let them go. I never learn, do I?
Where is he? Who is exactly "he"? Maybe he's the one who always saves me in my dreams. Maybe he's just a hallucination. Yet I feel warm and complete fervor entrance me and I feel safe, secured. I feel protected from Trent. I forget for a moment about his drunken voice; his revolting breath that reeks of pure alcohol and his vivid red eyes. I forget, even if it's just for a second, about him and all I feel is peace.
Is Eddie "he?" Maybe, I don't know. Oh look, my thoughts are a mess now. I can't think straight. They're lurking again. They're searching for me; he is looking for me.
I'd call Eddie, I would,ut I don't because he's sleeping. He's resting. I should too. I need rest. So I held onto the next best thing I have, his leather jacket, the one that smells like him.
Wrapped in his arms. That sounds nice, maybe I should think about that. Gently, he whispers my name. It sounds so sweet and tempting. Sleep.
Maybe I was going insane. I didn't care. I wanted to sleep, and if thinking about Eddie did the trick, then yes, I will think of him. I want to fall asleep thinking about him. I'll dream about his resplendent smile, his kisses, his hands touching me everywhere, his soft whispers.
Everything will be okay. I'd like that, maybe I'll dream about that too. I'm not going anywhere. And if it's possible, I'd like to wake up thinking about him too. Hopefully, just the thought of him will calm me down. It does, doesn't it? He makes me feel special. He makes me feel wanted, and I like that feeling. I like it and I like him. He's so gentle. He's charming. He has the softest lips.
I like him - no that's wrong - I shouldn't use "like" not when my feelings for him are deeper. It's more than a simple crush.
I want to sleep.
I do. My eyes couldn't take it anymore and began to close. I fell asleep, thinking of him and only him, and I swear before I fell completely asleep, I heard a faint noise.
Maybe it was a ring. Maybe it was Eddie; he always manages to reach me at the most unexpected times.
Sunday 2 p.m.
Loren: Sorry I missed your calls last night. Why weren't you sleeping?
Eddie: It's okay. I had a feeling you'd be up, and I couldn't stop thinking about you. Were you able to sleep?
Loren: Yes :) I dreamt of you
Eddie: What did you dream of me?
Loren: I'll tell you later
Eddie: Can you show me instead ;)
Loren: LOL maybe … Did you listen to my voicemail?
I was blushing furiously at Eddie's "show me instead" text. My dreams earlier this morning was anything but innocent. I think it was the first time I had those sorts of dreams, dreams where I woke up wet and not because of a nightmare. I wasn't going to complain, it was the first time I had more than six hours of interrupted sleep.
"This is unacceptable! This cannot be! Loren Tate, you promise you'd come with me. And you're not going to miss your boyfriend's concert! He needs you there for support but you missy, you are selfish."
Melissa, as dramatic as always, entered the café with raucous.
" I can't go. Marie is holding me responsible for today." Melissa began walking around. She ran her fingers through her hair exasperatedly and I shook my head. "Sorry?"
"That's all you're giving me. An apology? Well then!" She crossed her arms.
"What do you want me to say?"
"That you're coming."
"Anything but that."
She walked towards me, and I sighed. "The concert starts at 7 c'mon, everyone is expecting you there."
"I told you I can't come."
"Well, why not?" Melissa gasped then she began laughing. "Oh, I get it."
"Get what." I was confused and Melissa smiled knowingly. "You're doing this to push Eddie's buttons, right? You want him to miss you so much today that he will have to kidnap you tomorrow and spend the entire day with you." I blinked. Only she would come up with this. "If I say that's what I'm doing, would you leave me alone?"
"Yes."
"Then yes."
"Ha! I knew it!"
She nodded proudly and I shook my head at her antics.
"Loren!" Emily squealed as she entered the café. "I told my parents." I waved at Emily, and Melissa eyes diverted between us.
"Hey, Melissa."
Melissa narrowed her eyes at Emily. I had trust issues, and she had worse trust issues. "She's nice," I informed her, "so be cool."
"Do you know about yesterday, Melissa?" Emily asked cautiously. Melissa was quiet for a second before nodding tentatively. "Loren is not a great storyteller, so she gave gist of her confronting Adriana cause she hit you."
Emily nodded at Mel. "Adriana almost pissed her pants yesterday cause Loren stood up to her, middle school style." Emily winked at me. Melissa, understanding the reference, whipped her head towards me. I felt her questioning gaze on me, and then I saw a flicker of understanding as she looked at Emily. I don't know what it meant, but it seemed Melissa was less weary of Emily now. "You mean you put Adriana on her knees?"
"No, I did not do that."
"She put her face on that table!" Emily pointed at the exact table Adriana's face was plastered on. I closed my eyes and sighed, I didn't want to remember that. "It was epic!"
"What the hell, Loren? Why didn't you tell me this yesterday?"
"I didn't think it was important."
Melissa opened her mouth and then closed it. She waved a dismissive hand at me as if I offended her somehow. She turned to Emily. "What was your name? Please tell me more."
I watched my best friend and what I presumed was my new friend gossip about what I did yesterday. I'm not sure what was so impressive about it. Melissa and Emily were regulars at the café, so I knew their order. I brought their food and drinks, and I heard gist of Melissa retelling all the times I stood up for her.
"She was so cool, all dressed in black."
"Cool? She was so hot!" Emily gushed. I sighed and walked away. "I had the biggest crush on you, Loren." I put my thumbs up not knowing how to respond to that.
"I don't think she understood that meant I found her hot."
"You could hold a neon sign that says "I wanna get in your pants" and Loren still won't get the hint."
All I heard were Emily giggles.
"I heard that."
"You were meant to!"
Emily and Melissa continued to bond. I ignored their giggles as I continued working. I couldn't help the smile as I was glad they were getting along. The café had quieted down. Only Emily's and Melissa's voices could be heard. I was running inventory to kill time when I felt a light vibration in my pocket.
Eddie: I'm going to miss you. I was looking forward to seeing you today since I didn't see you yesterday. COME! Ditch work for me and just come! Please, I'm on my knees begging God to miraculously make you come. Literally, I am on my knees. I'm THAT serious, I really need you here.
I giggled. He can be so cheesy sometimes.
"Is that your beau?"
I nodded, not looking up from my phone.
"So, they are boyfriend/girlfriend?"
Oops, I slipped up. I ignored them as I texted him back.
Loren: No can do. I must work I need the extra money if I am going to college. You'll be fine, and plus you saw me on Friday.
"Yep, you should have seen them the other day. They were disgustingly sweet. Almost as bad as Loren likes to take her coffee."
"I have seen her make herself coffee, isn't it just creamer and sugar?"
Eddie: After I sent you my heart that's all you say to me? You know what? FINE.
Melissa laughed. "Yeah, it's literally creamer and sugar and a dash of coffee."
I ignored them some more.
Loren: I miss you too 3
"Oh, look, she's smiling. She looks so pretty."
"Back off, Emily. She's taken, and I don't think Eddie likes to share."
Eddie: Thanks for the heart. You will be the death of me. I got to go, got more rehearsal and setting up for tonight. I'm still holding on to that wish that you'll be here. Make it come true ;). Talk to you later.
I giggled again; he was so dramatic.
"Lucky Eddie." Emily murmured. "I have to go do homework."
"I have to go too. Bye Loren, I have to go get ready to the concert you promised to come!"
"Bye." I waved at them as I sent another text.
Me: Call me after the show.
Before I checked if he had texted back, someone cleared their throat, and I was forced to instantly look up. I met kind blue eyes nervously looking at me.
"Oh, sorry."
"It's okay." He shook his head, and his sandy, blonde hair followed. "So, what would you like to order?"
"Just two red velvet cakes." I nodded and typed in his order. "That will be $5." He handed me his money and I went to grab his desserts.
"Thanks." I smiled as I handed him the container. I waited for him to leave, but he didn't. "So," he started, "you and Eddie Duran, huh?"
"What about Eddie and me?"
He began scratching the back of his head and he avoided my gaze, a rosy tint appeared on his face. He laughed anxiously and I stared at him curiously. "Are you okay?"
"Me? Yeah, I'm totally fine." Cameron looked at me and his blue eyes were conflicted. "Look Loren, I just wanted to know why you lied to me about having a Valentine's." He was talking about the basket of flowers and chocolate Eddie bought me.
"Oh, that."
"Yeah, that."
"I didn't lie. When you asked me, I didn't have one."
"But then you did. You accepted Eddie's and not mine." I watched with regard as his eyebrows pressed together, and his eyes showed what I deciphered as hurt.
"Well, yeah, I mean it just kind of happened." I explained lamely. It was the truth.
"Right, right."
Where the hell was this conversation going?
"I have to go." Cameron said finally. I nodded, relieved for both of us. As I watched him go, I noticed his head hung low, I suddenly remembered Friday. How he had been the one who stopped Adriana from saying anything else. Nobody else had stepped in and stopped her except him. He was the one who dragged her away. And I felt gratitude towards him. He helped me from going borderline crazy, from going anymore insane than I had.
"Cameron, wait!"
He slowly turned around and I smiled gratefully. "Thank you, for Friday." I said, lamely again. But he did smile and the sadness that hooded his eyes was gone. A newfound spark replaced it. He nodded and placed his free hand in his pockets.
"Don't mention it, you didn't deserve that. And I hate it when a girl cries." There were some words left unsaid in his declaration. I didn't know what those words could be.
I smiled one more time at Cameron. He left this time with a new stride in his walk. I turned back to the cashier, and I felt a vibration.
Eddie: I miss you baby, I'll call you as soon as I finish the set. Can I see you tomorrow?
The text message decided my night for me. I wanted to see him today. I called Marie instantly and told her I couldn't stay until 10pm. She said it would be fine if I closed at 8:30pm. I would be late to Eddie's concert, but I would be able to see him play the last songs of his set if I was lucky enough. I texted Mel my change of plans and asked if she could bring me some clothes and makeup to change after. She instantly replied with "YES" and ten exclamation points.
I needed to show Eddie that he was important to me, and this would be a start.
The clothes Melissa got me barely covered anything. Although I couldn't deny that the V-neck floral halter top was pretty, the high waisted leather shorts fit snugly and made my butt look perky and round, and the knee-high boots – which had three inches of height – looked spectacular on me. Actually, I felt kind of sexy, but that's not the point. I was cold. Freezing my ass off as I walked into the club. She got me lotion and perfume but couldn't get me a jacket.
I saw a hoard of paparazzi lingering around the entrance, and not wanting to be recognized, I got on my tiptoes and moved around them and headed towards one of the bouncers standing by entrance. Maybe if I showed my ticket, they would let me in.
"Hi," I waved at him awkwardly as I looked up to see his face, he was rather tall. The man looked at me blankly but then there was a moment of recognition on his face. It was subtle. "Please come in." He whispered and motioned towards the entrance. I nodded confused as to why I was being let in without a question. Eddie's concert was being held at his dad's club on the second weekend opening to gain some traction, and the mini concert was opened to everyone, which explained why the bouncer didn't ID me, it didn't explain why he didn't ask for my ticket. The second bouncer removed the rope from the entrance and allowed me in.
"I think the set finished, but he should be backstage." I smiled at the bouncers. "Thank you." They simply nodded and turned their backs. I heard my phone ring in my purse. I took it out, and it was Eddie's caller ID. I bit back to hold my smile; he really did call me right away. I wanted to surprise him, so I ignored his call and sent him a quick text message. It was 9:50pm.
Loren: I'll call you back in a bit, I'm closing the café.
Eddie responded with an 'okay' and I walked the long hallway that divided the entrance to the club. It wasn't as noisy as I thought it would be, and it was emptier than I expected. There were a couple of people lingering around the bar and surrounding tables. I noticed the stage was being broken down by the stage group, and the club staff was cleaning up. I assumed they were getting ready for opening the club to the public, which explained the line forming outside. It seemed that MK had a successful opening weekend. I noticed '80s rock was playing in the background.
"Loren, is that you?"
I turned to my right, and I saw Max Duran walking towards me. I smiled at him. "Hi Max."
"You came, that's great!"
"I missed the show," I looked regretfully at the stage. I was due to leave at 8:45pm if I closed the cafe at 8:30pm but a small family came in at 8:10pm for some food, and I couldn't deny them entry as I saw they had a birthday cake. They were celebrating their oldest daughter's 8th birthday. They stayed until 8:45pm. Between closing the café, getting ready and taking an uber to the club, I missed it.
"Yeah, Eddie just finished, but it's okay, you're here. Eddie will be thrilled."
"Do you know where I can find him?"
"He's backstage, I'll take you there, but before that, can I steal a couple of minutes of your time?"
"Of course." Max smiled fondly as he pointed to the staircase leading to the second floor. I nodded and went up the stairs, and Max followed behind, keeping a respectable distance. "My office is the second door on the right."
Max's office was homely, it looked lived in. His desk was covered with documents and binders. There was a leather couch facing away from his desk, and an all-glass coffee table that was covered with more documents.
"I apologize it's a mess." He mumbled as I took a seat on the couch. I noticed that he left the door wide open. "Would you like something to drink? I'm having soda."
"I'd like a soda too please." Max came back with two sodas and two glass cups. As Max poured soda on our cups, I looked at him some more. Eddie was a spitting image of his mother with his fair skin, brown eyes and black hair. Katie was beautiful, and I assumed inside and out, just like Eddie. But Eddie has Max's kind eyes, and Max's mannerisms.
When I met Eddie, he seemed to take notice of how I hated touch and my personal space being invaded. And while that's not a problem anymore, once upon a time, Eddie kept his respectable distance and only touched my clothing. Then he slowly began to work his way up to touching my hair, a gentle tap on my shoulder, his hand delicately touching mine. Then he worked his way up to his fingers caressing my cheek, a touch that lasted a second, but made my body warm up and not prickle with fear. And then he did it again, and again, and again, until he was able to pull me into his arms.
The way Max was mindful of making sure that I felt safe, and keeping his distance, reminded me of Eddie.
"I've known about you Loren, for three years." Max leaned back on the love seat and gently scratched his chin. I noticed his 5 o'clock shadow, made him look older, but more handsome. I knew instantly that my mom was whipped.
Max saw the confusion in my face. "The first time Eddie met you he couldn't stop talking about you. I've never seen him so excited about anything or anyone." Max shook his head, smiling as if the memory was endearing. "He just turned 19 at the time, so Katie and I thought it was a teenage infatuation, it'll go away. And then it didn't. I think it was thirteen times he saw you on that hill?"
I slowly nodded, trying to take in every word. "When you stopped going all a sudden, and Eddie realized you weren't coming back, he lost a little bit of himself. He shut down, he didn't want to eat, didn't want to go outside unless it was to go up that hill." Max leaned forward, his elbows rested on his knees, and he clasped his hands. He looked at me gently, "Eddie thought you were dead, Loren."
My breath hitched at this confession. "For months, every day, without a failure, he would look at our counties and neighboring counties obituaries, checking every teenage girl's name online, and seeing if your picture would pop up. It took Katie and me two months to finally convince him to go outside and do something." Max's gaze landed on the picture frame by the wall. I followed his gaze and found a picture of Katie and Eddie. Eddie looked the same age as when I met him, he looked sad but there was a glimmer in his eyes, and he was smiling as he was looking at his mom. There was so much love between Katie and Eddie, it was palpable. "I don't know what Katie told him before we took that picture, but it was like he was able to breathe again, she gave him hope, I think."
I gently held Katie's necklace with my fingers.
"I didn't know," I whispered, "If I would have known how much hurt it caused Eddie, I wouldn't have stopped going."
"No, Loren, it's not your fault," Max reached for my hands, but stopped last minute. "I know that, and Eddie knows that."
"Do you know?" I exhaled shakily. "About my dad?"
Max looked away, his body was tense for a moment, and then I saw his shoulders drop. "Yes, Nora told me."
"Does Eddie know?"
"No, he does not. Nora only told me because I was concerned about Eddie. I was worried about losing him again when he found you." Max couldn't look at me in the eyes. "After he saw you again at the mall, he barged into this room, and he said, "Her name is Loren Tate, and she has the most beautiful smile." And it was like, he was 19 again and he met you on that hill for the first time. I had my son back, because if I am honest, after he lost you for the first time, and then he lost his mother, he wasn't the same. It took you minutes to do what Katie, and I tried to do for years. So, I feared you, Loren Tate." Max sighed heavily, "Because I knew that if my son lost you again, this time it would destroy him. I didn't trust you, didn't know you, but I knew the power you have on my son, and that terrified me." He took a quick drink from the glass; I did the same because my mouth was dry. "I thought that you were just another girl, just like the rest. We found out Nora was your mother when Eddie mentioned your name and she was here. I think she noticed my disdain for you, and she sat me down, and confided in me."
"I knew it was wrong to judge you like that without knowing you first and knowing what I knew. You had your own battles to fight." Max sighed again, he slumped on the couch, it seemed remembering all of this took a toll on him. "I still wish you left Eddie some sign that you were okay."
I clutched the glass in my hand. I was analyzing and remembering everything he told me. "Why did Eddie think I was dead and what did you mean knowing what you knew before my mother confided in you?" This piece is what confounded me the most, it was a very strong conclusion to make. Max stiffened suddenly, and I watched him scratch his head. "That, unfortunately, is not for me to say. Eddie will have to tell you, the same way that you have to tell Eddie about your past."
"Okay," I nodded dejectedly. "Thank you for telling me this. I didn't know the extent of the pain I caused Eddie."
Max smiled, his blue eyes crinkling with fondness. "I wanted you to know because I love my son. I'm not going to ask you to not to hurt him because that's not realistic, every relationship has its ups and its downs, it won't be picture perfect all the time. I want you to understand him, that is all."
Max stood up, and so did I and in a moment of impulsiveness, I wrapped my arms around him. Max stood still for a moment, registering what I had done, and then I felt his arms wrap around him. As I had thought, my mind and body were at peace. Max was safe. "Thank you, Max." I wanted to thank him and Katie for raising such a wonderful, sweet, understanding man.
"Oh, sweetheart, thank you." I stood in his embrace for a moment, and then my eyes glistened as I had longed for father figure for the longest time, and being held my Max, gave me a moment of just that. "I wish my dad was anything like you." I whispered, and I heard Max inhale. I felt his heart hammer, and it felt like it broke into a million pieces.
"I promise to always be here, Loren."
I pulled away and looked at him. "Can I ask you something? A favor?"
"Of course, anything."
"Look after my mom, please. She is strong, but I know she shuts down more than she should for my sake." Max squeezed my shoulders and nodded. "I promise." I smiled and pulled away completely. Max rubbed his eyes and then flashed me a million-dollar smile. "Now let me take you to my son."
I followed Max down the stairs.
"Your club seems to be doing well." I mentioned as I noticed the club was filling up with people. Max shuddered.
"I hate having a business, but I do like entertaining people. Eddie was the one who convinced me to open the club, but I think it's because he was getting tired of me yapping about hating the clubs in L.A and not finding a good one."
I giggled and Max stopped briefly by the bar. "Grace!" He called for the woman I saw yesterday. "Hey, Max. When are you going to come help?"
"Soon," Max motioned for me, "This is Loren."
"Oh, I know you. Pretty girl, with a pretty smile, and a pretty laugh." Grace winked at me, and I turned red. Who else had Eddie told about me? "Nice to meet you," I waved lamely. Grace laughed and then turned to Max. "We really do need you, stop being lazy."
"I'm taking Loren backstage; I will come right out."
"Bye Grace."
"Bye Loren."
Max hovered his hand behind my back, guiding me backstage, careful not to touch me. He was still cautious. He said hi to several people as we passed by. We walked behind the stage, and into some dark-lit hallway. Max opened the only door for me. Inside the room, I saw Melissa and Ian conversing in one of the three couches found in the room. Eddie and Tyler were by the mini bar, Tyler was showing something to Eddie on his phone. I briefly took in the room and noticed there was no overhead lighting, just several lamps on each side of the room providing ambient lighting. The hair and makeup vanity lights were turned off. Soft music was playing, it sounded like Daft Punk.
"Eddie, guess who came by to see you."
Eddie's head whipped towards us. He instantly recognized me, and without a word, he walked across the room and gathered me into his arms. "Hi, baby." He said as he pulled me in for a kiss. I smiled as I reciprocated his kiss, it was an innocent peck because his father was right next to us.
"I talked her ear off for half an hour," Max squeezed my shoulder gently. I felt Eddie stiffened but then relaxed as he took in my reaction. I giggled, "Nonsense."
Max looked at me smiling and moved to leave. "Duty calls, Loren if you get hungry let me know. The kitchen is closed, but I have some ingredients to make you a sandwich. We also got snacks - chips, and pretzels - that sorta thing."
"Thanks Max," when he left, Eddie pulled me in again for a lingering kiss. I wrapped my arms around his neck and arched my back to give him more access to my mouth.
"Okay, lovebirds, you can also use words to say hello." Tyler chastised us.
"Ignore him," Eddie mumbled as he pulled away, he set me on my feet. I hadn't noticed I wasn't even on the ground. He squeezed my waist, and then he looked at me for the first time. I felt his hands trail down to my hips, gently squeeze them, and then up to my exposed shoulders. His hands delicately caressed my neck, I saw extreme concentration in his face. "Holy shit, baby."
Okay, I owed Melissa one.
"I agree, you look sexy, Loren!" Never mind, I owe her nothing because she stays embarrassing me.
"Anyways," I dismissed Melissa's comments. Eddie grabbed my arm and pushed me towards the available love seat couch, the one opposite where Mel and Ian were sitting. "I'm sorry I missed your concert. I was planning on showing up before it ended, I wanted to hear 'One Day at Time'." Eddie leaned back on the couch and pulled me down to sit next to him. As soon as I got comfortable, he grabbed my hand, gently caressing it.
"You're here, that's all I care about. I can give you a private concert later."
"That sounds like your gonna fuck on the piano bench." Ian murmured, Melissa guffawed, and I turned scarlet. Eddie just shrugged; it seemed like he was immune to his friend's vulgar comments.
"More like fornicating on the piano," Tyler spoke this time, he handed Eddie a glass of some auburn liquor. "Remind me to never touch that piano."
"You have a piano?" I turned to Eddie; I couldn't force my eyes away from the glass of brandy now in Eddie's hands. I nibbled my bottom lip nervously, and I think Eddie noticed my body tense. Eddie's eyes searched for mine, and then they diverted to something behind me. He nodded, and then he put down the glass on the side table next to us. Someone, I don't know who, grabbed the glass. It wasn't near us anymore. The breath that I didn't know I was holding exhaled out of me. "Yes, it was the first thing I bought with my paycheck."
I leaned into Eddie's arms, "That's an expensive buy, the first thing I bought with my paycheck was a taser."
"A taser?" Tyler sat on the chair diagonally to Eddie and me. "Tell me, would you have tased James like a fried chicken, the other day?"
I nodded as I grabbed Eddie's hands and intertwined my fingers with his. He kissed the side of my head. "I would have if I had brought it with me." I sighed. I bought that taser and never used it. "My taser is good for five years, so I have two more years to use it."
Tyler and Ian started laughing, Eddie simply scratched his head. "You better be careful, Eddie-boy, better treat this little lady right or she'll tase your ass."
I heard Eddie chuckle, and I stared at him confused. "I'm not going to tase you, ever." I frowned at this, I bought that taser to protect myself. Eddie played with the curls on my head, "I know baby, for some reason the guys find it funny. Ignore them."
"Alright, I want to go see what the hype is with this club. I know it's your old man, but I can't be biased on my Instagram review." Tyler stood up taking his professional Canon camera he pulled out from his bag.
"Want to join Tyler, Melissa?" Ian stood up, extended his hand to Melissa, and helped her stand up when she took it. "Sure, I want to see an L.A. club in action. I do have to be home at 11, so keep that in mind." Melissa turned to Eddie. "The concert was fabulous. I had an amazing time and thank you for inviting me backstage."
"Of course," Eddie and I stood up to say goodbye to Melissa. I'll see her tomorrow and ask what the deal is with Ian. As Melissa pulled me into a hug, she whispered, "I did so good with this outfit, Eddie can't seem to keep his eyes and hands off you." I turned scarlet again. Damn her.
They left the room, leaving Eddie and me alone. I saw Eddie go to the mini bar and grab two water bottles. "We can go outside if you want."
I shook my head and grabbed the bottle he offered. "I want to spend time with you alone." Eddie pulled me down on the love seat again. He was quiet for a moment, I noticed he was deep in thought, his two eyebrows furrowed. Something was troubling him. I let him be, as I leaned into his embrace, his shoulder was my pillow and his arm my blanket. I started to realize how freezing the room was, I sunk in deeper into Eddie to steal his warmth.
"It was a celebratory drink."
"Hm?" I looked at him from the corner of my eyes.
"The drink Tyler gave me, it was a celebratory social drink."
"Oh," that's what he was talking about. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. How do I thread this lightly without giving too much away. I didn't want to lie to him and tell him I didn't panic when I saw the drink in his hands. I also didn't want to tell the full truth of why I panicked. I stood up from the seat, suddenly feeling anxious. I wrapped my arms around my chest.
Eddie sat up from the couch and stared at me with concern. He remained quiet.
"I am trying to gather my thoughts." I must've looked at insane pacing in one spot. "I've had a bad experience with alcohol." I began; I frowned because that wasn't quite right. I didn't look at Eddie. "No, that's a lie," I sighed nervously, "traumatic is the better word. I associate the taste and smell of alcohol with that experience."
"So, you're okay with people drinking it?"
"But can't stand the taste or smell."
"Okay, done." Eddie leaned back onto the couch.
"What?" I looked at him confused.
"I'm never drinking again." He shrugged as if it was the easiest thing to decide.
"I'm not asking you to stop drinking."
"Yes, but then I can't kiss you and get too close to you if I drink too much."
"Eddie," I looked at him then. He was looking at me gently. "Thank you." Without a second thought, without any further explanation, Eddie chose me.
"Are you cold?" Eddie asked as he noticed I still had my arms wrapped around me. I noticed his eyes trail down my body, his eyes lingering on my breasts, hips, and legs. It was the first time Eddie was checking me out without having to dissimulate.
"Yes," I answered because it was true, I was freezing, and I was wearing practically nothing.
I watched Eddie open his leather jacket he was wearing and invite me in. "Come here, I'll warm you up." I didn't think twice and soon straddled him on the love seat. My arms went under the leather jacket and around his torso. He was so warm, and my body exhaled in relief.
"I'm going to murder Melissa; she didn't even pack me a jacket." I mumbled against his chest. Eddie chest rumbled with a chuckle.
"No, don't murder her, she did good," Eddie wrapped his arms around my back and pull me closer. "How was work?"
"It was okay. Easy job, so easy money."
"No paparazzi bothering you?"
"Thankfully, no, just kids at school asking me about you."
"That's good," Eddie's whispered, "I should have had this conversation with you a week ago, but I want you in my world Loren."
I pushed myself up to stare at Eddie. "What do you mean?"
Eddie caressed my cheek, "I want to go on dates with you, hold your hand, and kiss you publicly. I want to tell people that you're mine. But I also know that my world is crazy and overwhelming. It's full of people who just want to take advantage of you and at the first opportunity they will. It's full of people like James and Chloe." He leaned in and gently tapped my nose with his. "If you tell me you don't want to be part of my world, okay, I will give up my career to be with you. I don't care because I'll have you however I can, Loren."
I stared at Eddie trying to figure out if he was bluffing. When I saw conviction in his face, he was telling the truth. Would he be willing to sacrifice his career for me? That freaked me out, and I wasn't going to let him do that. I can be strong and be a part of his world, it was a matter if his world would accept me. "No, you're not going to give up the career you have worked so hard to build." I didn't care about fame, being bombarded by paparazzi and dealing with James's and Chloe's was aggravating, but if that meant being with Eddie, I could put up with anything. I felt strongly about him, enough to want to go into his world. But not now, not when our relationship was still new.
"I want to be a part of your world," Eddie's smile was instantaneous, he leaned to kiss me, but I pulled back gently, "But right now. I would like it to be just us for a time. No media, no speculation." Eddie's smile didn't waver. It made his year, probably. "Also," I suddenly felt shy, "I would like for you to ask me on a first date and then ask me to be your girlfriend." If possible, his smile widened.
"I can arrange something."
I smiled at Eddie as he pulled me for a quick peck. "Now that that is settled, anything exciting happening with school?"
"Besides the fact that I have 3 months left and next month I find out if I got into any college, not really." I sat up as I remembered Emily. Eddie adjusted his back on the couch, grabbed my hips and pushed me higher on his lap, forcing me to straddle him deeper into the couch. As I settled my lower half on his groin, I felt him freeze, and then relaxed, but I paid him no mind. I felt his hands squeeze my hips; they stayed glued there. "I wanted to ask you for advice."
"Hm," he simply said as I looked at him. Eddie wasn't looking at my face. "Eddie?"
"Oh, sorry," his gaze averted from my chest and my hips to my eyes. "What were you saying?"
"I wanted advice," I played with his jacket's lapels. "There is this girl, Emily, who suddenly wants to be my friend. She seemed nice enough initially, and then this incident happened with this other girl, Adriana, where I unintentionally forced – " I stopped mid-sentence, almost telling Eddie about my violent tendencies I had no control over. I didn't want him to know about that part of me. Eddie raised an eyebrow at me, waiting for me to continue. "I defended Emily from Adriana, she's this bully at school," that wasn't a lie. "So, we've kind of bonded, but I don't know if I should trust Emily."
"What does your gut tell you?"
"It tells me she can be trusted, but I've known her for years, always with Adriana's group, and while she may mean well, she can still be under Adriana's control."
"I think you should follow your gut, it's usually not wrong, you know," Eddie's hands were now on my waist. "Usually, your gut is the first to warn you. But be careful, while she may be trusted, you should still be cautious."
"Okay," Loren sighs, "It was kind of sad actually. I saw Adriana physically assault Emily. All these years, I judged Emily for tolerating Adriana bullying as a bystander, when she's been a victim all this time." My gaze cast down to Eddie's chest, he was wearing a wine-red tank top. I played with his neckband. "Watching her get hit like that, reminded me of myself."
I felt Eddie suddenly freeze under me, but I paid no attention, as I was still thinking about Emily. Whatever I said didn't register in my head as I shuttered, "Adriana is a demon."
Eddie cleared his throat and then I felt his hand on neck, "Should we worry about her?" His body was still tense underneath me. I noticed the clenched on his jaw and I touched his face to soothe away whatever was troubling him.
"I don't think so." Eddie's pendant caught my attention. "I didn't get you anything for Valentine's." I murmured. Eddie leaned into my touch.
"Being with you is all I've wanted, and you've given me that."
"But you went above and beyond for me."
Eddie grinned and there was a twinkle in his eyes. The tension was gone in his jaw. "If you really feel that bad, you can kiss me stupid and I think that's the best gift anyone has ever –"
I interrupted Eddie with my mouth, and he was all happy to shut up. Eddie's hands were holding my waist, while mine were all over his hair. We shared tentative wet kisses as this was still all new to me. Eddie let me take control, he wouldn't do anything I wouldn't. We kissed innocently for what felt like blissful ages but was probably only minutes. Feeling a little confident, I gently licked Eddie's lower lips, and he suddenly pulled my body closer to his. My chest flushed against his chest as his hands roamed on my hips, my waist, my back, and my hair, diminishing the non-existent space between us.
Kissing Eddie felt like time stopped. It left me breathless, literally, and my body tingling in the right way. Eddie was kissing me more fiercely but still gave me all the control. He was so good at it, for a moment it made me self-conscious of my inexperience. He was three years older than me but probably had the opportunity for more experience given how handsome he was and I knew fame put him in rooms full of beautiful people. My mind clouded for a moment with my self-consciousness, but then as I adjusted myself, my inner thigh accidentally rubbed against a hard bulge underneath me. I was virgin, but I have a curious mind and read and watched my fair rated R content. I knew that what I accidentally rubbed was Eddie's growing response to me. That fact gave me so much confidence and made the woman in me rejoice.
I plunged my tongue into Eddie's, and if he was surprised at all at my sudden boldness, he didn't show it as he reciprocated my passionate kiss back. I readjusted myself on Eddie's lower half, and I almost moaned against his mouth as I gently grinded against his bulge. Eddie's breath hitched, and then his tongue was on my neck, trailing hot, wet kisses wherever who could. My mind became a haze as I focused only on how my body was finding so much pleasure on his tongue on my neck, and the growing wet need beneath me as I slowly grinded on him..
"Holy – baby," were the words that I heard escape his mouth as he leaned back to watch me as I pleasured myself on him. If I could snap a picture of the way he was looking at me right now I would. His lust-filled eyes gazed at me with so much want, so much need, but I also saw hints of adoration. He drank me in fully before pulling me for another passionate, stomach-pulling, butterflies inducing, toe curling kiss. He still let me have all control, again, only matching what I gave him. I let out a small moan as I grinded a little rougher on Eddie and pulled his bottom lip with my teeth.
In an instant, Eddie pulled away from our kiss, his arms wrapped around me, gently stopping my hips from moving. I felt his heart beating from his chest against mine, and his breathing was all over the place. So was mine.
"Why did you stop?" I exhaled as I pushed myself upwards and away from Eddie. I watched him regain his composure, but his response underneath me was not dwindling.
"I want to take things slow with you, Loren." Eddie gently caressed my cheek, and I saw myself in his reflection. I was a disheveled mess, my cheeks were rosy, my breath haggard, and my eyes reflected so much desire for Eddie. "God, I want to," Eddie whispered, "You have no idea how badly I do." His eyes trailed my body, drinking me in again. I felt something twitch beneath me.
"I have an idea," I murmured as my eyes lowered to his groin.
Eddie chucked nervously, "Can't help it, baby, not with you I can't."
I sighed dejectedly; we would have this conversation eventually. "I'm a virgin."
Eddie didn't look a single bit surprised, "I know."
"How did you know?" I looked at him inquisitively, then I scrunched my face disgusted, "Did my mother tell you?" This was a horrifying thought, my mother conversing to Eddie about sexual life.
"No, no," Eddie chucked nervously again, "I figured from our kiss the other day."
"Oh," I couldn't be embarrassed about that, "well, yeah, I get it, I was surprised with the tongue." I stared at Eddie; he was back to somewhat normal. But I didn't dare move because I still felt his dwindling response that could come alive with one movement. "Does that bother you? That I am virgin?"
"No," Eddie grabbed my hands and gently kissed both, "But I want to still be careful with you. You're so innocent, and I want you to be fully ready before we take that step." Eddie hands went behind my back and pushed me toward him, "I want to get to know you and your body slowly. I want you figure out what you like, don't like." He nuzzled his nose against my hair as I rested my head on his shoulder. "And I want you to trust me fully. I want you take that step when you're ready, not because our horniness got in the way, although I can see how that can be an obstacle."
"I trust you." I mumbled, I twisted and turned his words in my head for a moment. And even though I wanted, and God, how bad was my body complaining right now, I knew that mentally I was not prepared for that. Although I trusted Eddie, I was not ready for the level of intimacy. "I am not ready for sex yet." I looked at Eddie, a soft twinge on my cheek as I said embarrassedly, "But I want to please you."
Eddie swiftly shut that statement down, "No, we will not do anything that you're not ready for. Just being with you, around you, being able to kiss you and touch you, pleases me Loren. You please me."
"Okay," I sighed, a smile appearing on my face, the blush staying put, "but I did like what we were doing just now." Eddie eyes trailed all over my face, looking for any hesitation, any sign I was lying and simply trying to placate him. I recalled Emily's flirting tactic, and a light bulb went on my head. I leaned, pouted my lips, fluttered my eyes at Eddie, and whispered close enough for my breath to fan his lips, "it made my body feel on fire."
Eddie inhale and exhale loudly, I saw his chest rise and fall with his breath, "It did, baby?"
Thank you, Emily, I owe her an iced coffee, on the house.
"Yes," I hummed as I stared at Eddie, "You won't touch me unless I ask you too?"
"Yes, I won't touch you unless you tell me."
"Okay, can you trust that I will tell you when it gets too uncomfortable?"
"Yes," I placed Eddie's hands on my hips, I liked them there. I squeezed his hands, causing him to squeeze my hips. "I like what we were doing, before we stopped. I'm not ready for penetrative sex, or clothes coming off." I didn't want Eddie to see the scars on my body. Yet at least. "I like being on top of you like this, and you kissing me silly, I don't want to stop that."
Eddie looked at me for any sign of hesitation, he found none as a smile took over his features. "Okay, I can work with that." Eddie squeezed my hips again, "You're in control, baby, I won't do anything you won't."
I bit my bottom lip to sustain my smile that was about to explode on my face. He was so sweet. Not being able to help myself, I leaned in for a kiss. Eddie's lips gently moved on mine, it was sweet and purely innocent. Even though it wasn't as passionate as the one before, it still took my breath away, especially when Eddie's hands caressed my cheek so tenderly. I pressed my chest on his and then I parted my lips, and Eddie's tongue was soon exploring. It was a slow kiss, we took our time tasting, exploring each other. Every so often our tongues would collide and dance. We weren't trying to dominate the other, we were just enjoying our intimacy. Eddie's arms fully wrapped around my body, completely encasing me in his embrace.
It all ended when we heard the backstage door open, the music from the club creeping into the room from the open door. That didn't make us pull apart, not even Ian clearing his throat. It was a sudden flash that blinded me even with my eyes closed. I flinched, and I heard Eddie sigh in frustration. "Tyler, what was that?"
"Just capturing the moment. I'll send you the picture."
Taking notice of our current position, I made to move so I wasn't straddling Eddie, but he had other ideas. Eddie swiftly, but gently, placed me on his lap. I was sitting on Eddie's right leg, no longer straddling him. His arm went around my torso, snuggly tugging me towards him.
"We should knock next time." Ian stated as he sat on the couch opposite us. Mel was nowhere in sight, so I assumed she had gone home. That reminded me that I needed to head home soon, I had school tomorrow.
"Next time just don't come in," Eddie rebuttal made me smile, he was annoyed our time was interrupted. I took my phone out to send a quick text to Melissa asking if she made it home. She responded promptly that she did.
"At least we weren't Nora." Eddie shuddered at that. I heard Tyler laugh. "Oh yeah, we didn't tell you guys. A bunch of us made a beeline out the club when you guys started kissing. We saw tongue and figured it would be a matter of seconds before clothes started to come off."
I turned red. They had seen it all. Oh, my poor mother, I didn't mean to make out in front of her. My first kiss had an audience. I wanted to bury my face on Eddie's chest, but I knew that would give his friends more gas to whatever they had going on.
"You should have seen Nora. She didn't know whether to be happy or furious. Max had to take her up the office to distract her."
"Yeah, I didn't mean for that to happen," Eddie murmured and then rolled his eyes at his friends, "I'm glad you guys are finding enjoyment out of this."
"What are friends for?"
I noticed it was 11:30pm. I turned to Eddie, and he attentively looked at me. "I have to go home."
"Okay, I'll take you." I got off Eddie's lap and stood up. As soon as he stood up, he took my hand and grabbed my purse from the side table where I placed it sometime during our make out session. I smiled warmly at his friends, and they smiled back. They didn't try to get closer to me and I was grateful for that.
"It was good seeing you guys."
"You're fun to be around Loren, we should grab a bite next time." Ian grin reflected on his eyes; he was genuine.
"Don't be selfish Eddie and keep Loren for yourself." Tyler nudged Eddie by the shoulder and winked at him. I liked him too. Eddie had such wonderful friends.
"I'll talk to you guys later, come on baby." Eddie guided me out backstage room, his hand holding mine. We didn't go out to the front of the club, Eddie took me through the kitchen, and we exited there.
During the car ride, Eddie let me select the music and watched me sing and dance to his songs. He had a wide grin, and his eyebrows rose as I did my own rendition to "Something in The Air" and then laughed loudly when I gave myself whiplash from singing "Waterloo". Not once did he complain about me shifting genres and changing songs halfway through one. His hand stayed on my thigh for the whole 25 minutes ride home.
Once he parked on my driveway, I didn't want him to leave and it seemed he didn't want our time to end. So, we talked relentlessly. At some points, I had to cover my mouth with the hands to hold in my laughter. He told me some of his childhood stories. He mentioned how he loved to be outdoors; how much he loved to stare at the blue sky for hours on end without getting bored. He told me about how he craved adventure, how he always loved to be in the rush of adrenaline. He talked to me about his mother, about how much he missed her home-cooked meals. He mentioned how kind, beautiful and funny she was. He confessed how there's not a day he doesn't think about her. He sounded so distant and distressed; his voice would agilely die down whenever he mentioned her. I promised him I would cook for him; it won't be the same, but close. An hour later, his kiss lingered as he kissed me goodnight and then finally let me go inside.
That night as I was settling into bed, my eyes closing, I knew what Eddie meant when he said he'd know when I fully trusted him. He'll know when I tell him about my past, when I confide in him about my demons, then he'll know I've let him in fully.
The thought left my skin prickling as I imagined Eddie's pity, Eddie's judgment when I would tell him. But that thought came and left quickly as I thought of Eddie three years ago, waiting for me to come back up that hill. I thought of Eddie thinking I was dead for three years. I thought of Eddie looking for my face in random google searches of dead people's name.
My Eddie wouldn't judge me, my sweet Eddie wouldn't.
I went to sleep without a fight for the first time in almost 14 years.
Monday 2:21 p.m.
The school day came and went by so quickly. Melissa didn't come to school, she was "too exhausted to put up with ignorance today" as she said. I spoke briefly to Eddie about my plans for the day and we agreed to have an impromptu picnic up our hill. He would pick me up from my house around 3:30 pm and we would go to the grocery store to grab snacks for our picnic. It would be another unofficial date, I was still waiting for him to ask me out.
It was a normal day today. I was putting all my belongings for the day in my locker. Everything was normal, the halls were empty. Everyone was leaving school for home. And I was happily alone, consumed by my own thoughts.
Everything was fine until my locker was abruptly closed for me and a cold hand grabbed my arm. I was pushed on the locker, and my head collided against the metallic wall. I felt pain on the side of my head, but not enough for me to be concerned for a concussion.
Everything was fine until I met her icy greenish eyes looking precariously at me. She held me against the locker, and I watched as she told two girls to watch the halls for her. I watched as she told a guy to hold me down. I recognized him, I talked to him once about how much we both detested Dr. Glatzer, our unfair AP Bio teacher.
He seemed so friendly, and he was kind to me. Ethan, that was his name, approached me, and there was no hesitation nor remorse as he did what Adrianna told him. This is when I tried to escape. This is when I attempted to escape her hold, but to no avail I couldn't. She had me pinned on the locker and her hands clutched me tightly. Her nails were digging in through my sweater. And he had me on an unbreakable lock, holding both my arms behind me. My strength didn't compare to his.
My skin prickled as I realized what was happening, for a second my mind turned into a blunder as I recalled a similar situation 5 years ago. I felt like throwing up, but I couldn't, not now, I needed to fight back. I needed to escape. Using Ethan as support, I leaned back and pushed my right leg upwards, landing a kick on Adriana's stomach. She winced and glared at me.
"Hold her!"
"Adriana, let her go!"
Emily came shouting down the hall. She was running towards us and that's when I felt the first blow. Right on my gut. Then again. Again. Again. Again.
"No!"
I couldn't move. The blows on my stomach were too much, I couldn't fight back. Emily was soon grabbed by another guy. She flayed her arms, her legs, but he too was stronger than her. Then I felt the constant nagging on my gut. My arm, where she had grabbed, hurt. It was excruciating, and she kept punching me. Screaming every other punch, letting her feelings out. I wish I could do that. I wish I had my own punching bag to scream and hit. Maybe I'll buy one.
I felt something salty in my mouth, it tasted like iron. Revolting. I spat it out. It was red and it landed on Adriana's arm. She shrieked in disgust, and she continued hitting me. Harder this time.
I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think straight. My mind was concentrating on one thing only, the constant pain on my stomach.
It hurt.
I should've known this was going to happen; the look she gave me Saturday should've been enough for me to know. But it wasn't.
It's my fault.
I should've kept my mouth shut, should've kept my hands to myself, and this would've never happened. She would've left me alone. I heard Emily screaming, and for a moment, I realized that I wouldn't have taken it back. If I had to redo it all over, I would always confront Adriana for Emily.
"Adriana! No!"
Emily screamed again, but Adriana didn't listen, she kept punching.
"Shit Aid. She looks like shit."
"Good."
"No! No! Loren!"
Emily, where was she. Ethan let me go when Adriana stopped. I saw her face flushed, her fists red, and her breathing haggard. I succumbed to the floor, and I held my stomach. It hurt so much. I wanted to cry, but I didn't dare to let the tears fall.
Maybe she broke a rib or two. I didn't know, I just knew that the pain was insufferable, I wanted to make it go away. I wanted to stop thinking about it, stop feeling it.
"Hold Emily!" She shouted and slowly she began walking away. "Hold her and don't let her go. Shit. This is bad."
I must look terrible for her to say that.
"Let's go before someone comes." One of the guys says, it must be Ethan. And that's that. They leave. They left me. Trailing behind them are Emily's shouts. Screaming my name. Saying she was sorry. Maybe I was wrong about her. She's not like Adriana
As soon as they were out of ear shot, I cried.
Water - was my first thought.
Cold - was my second. My ribs hurt, and it was hard to breathe. I limped all the way home. Fortunately, no one saw me. I don't know what I would've said either way. And that's for the best. But the pain, my stomach hurt so damn much, and it reminded me of that time Trent beat my mother. I remembered it like it happened yesterday.
He hates broccoli. He detests it so much, but my mother loves it. Once, she forgot about how much Trent loathed it and she cooked it! And when she was serving dinner on our table, the look on his face was abominable. His face scrunched up in a disgusting manner and terror overtook my mother's and my faces. And in an instant, she was on the floor. He had punched her in her stomach. It was so powerful; he broke two ribs in one punch! He was angry, he was a mad man that detested broccoli. And my mother has never cooked broccoli since that day.
I walked in the house; each step was tougher to take than the previous and all I wanted was to stop it. I walked past the thermostat and decreased the temperature completely and I hurried towards my bedroom.
Maybe if I lay down, the pain will go away.
Silly girl. It won't. You need water.
That stupid voice was back. It had been quiet for some days now, but now it was whispering in the back of my head. I winced as I passed my bed. As soon as I entered the bathroom, I locked the door, and I placed my phone on the bathroom vanity top. I paid no attention to how much it was ringing. It was ringing so much. Someone make it stop! The ringing phone was dismissed and I quickly turned on the water faucet of the tub. The cold was rapidly kicking in and I shivered.
IT HURTS!
Once the tub was filled all the way up. I got in, I didn't bother to take off my clothes. I didn't bother taking a breath before I descended into the tub. It felt good. But I frowned because it felt nothing like being in Eddie's arm.
It didn't compare. I plummeted deeper in the water.
Remember that last time we were here? Yes! Yes!
Was I going insane? Was delirium taking me captive? Was it? Why was I going crazy?
I was not, I just wanted to forget the pain. I wanted the pain to leave, but it didn't. And now it seemed that being in the cold water was a bad idea. The pain was just intensifying. I shivered; my lips trembled under the water. My body was begging for air. I heard my phone ring. I would've gotten up to answer it, but I had finally found some comfort being in cold water. The pain was subsiding. My nightmares were creeping back out.
And slowly I began closing my eyes.
I want to sleep. That'd be nice. Sleep. It sounds tempting. Maybe if I could just close my eyes then everything would be okay.
Everything will be alright.
Bump! Bump! Bump!
What was that? It sounded desperate. But I'm crazy, and maybe that's just insanity talking. But it was so loud.
LOREN!
I heard someone yelling my name. It sounded so familiar.
My lips twitched upward in this bitter cold.
But that's crazy.
YOU'RE CRAZY!
Sleep. I wanted to sleep. But I'd like to wake up and see the sun again. I'd like to wake up and see my mother's never-ending smile. I'd like to wake up and see Melissa jumping giddily around. I'd like to see Cameron's blue eyes twinkle strikingly and Emily smile hopelessly. I'd like to have lunch with Max and have him tell me stories about Katie if it wasn't too painful, and about Eddie. I wanted to hang out with Ian and Tyler and cringe at their crude jokes and laugh as they made fun of each other. I'd like to love.
But silly you do!
I'd like to see him again, and again. I wanted to feel warm. I wanted to feel his warmth.
BUMP! BUMP!
What was that?
LOREN!
I wanted to live.
LOREN!
Sudden. It was all so sudden. My lips turning icy blue, my heart racing, my mind juggling, my body frigid. I was about to push myself back up too but suddenly I felt someone pulling me up.
Then I felt something warm wrap around me. It felt sweet. And that's when I realized it wasn't something but rather someone. I knew who it was just from a touch. I noticed how I wasn't the only one trembling, the other person's body was shaking. His head was on the crook of my neck, and his arms were wrapped firmly around me.
I was safe from everything. But most importantly I was safe from myself.
He repeated my name over and over again. I would nod my head even though he didn't dare to look at my face. His hold on me was undiminished. He would pull me tighter and my stomach would hurt, but I didn't mind the pain this time, not when he was holding me so strongly. His body trembled and he kept repeating my name almost as if he was reassuring himself I was in his arms.
Where was I again?
I swallowed; I inhaled, and I exhaled.
"Eddie, " I whispered.