Better Than Words

A soft suspire escaped, and my cheeks burned with a pink twinge. A small smile tugged my lips; my body was still in pain, but Eddie somehow managed to ease the prominent affliction on my stomach. I gradually swallowed and made an attempt to get up. With success, I was on my feet a few struggles later. My eyes averted to the rounded, digital clock sitting on the wooden nightstand. 6:00. Another sigh escaped and I took a deep breath as I made my way to the bathroom. I briefly scrutinized the still callous room.

Images from the incident that took place a little over 24 hours ago soon flashed through my mind. The school hallway. Strong arms locking me from behind. Poignant yells. Raging blue-maybe even with a hint of green- eyes charging at me. Intolerable pain being pierced on me. Then a splash of cold water, silently submerging me below.

In a rush, I shook my head and then hissed as I scurried the images away. I delicately opened my eyes. "When did I close them?" I murmured. I walked towards the tub and with some restrained slowness, I sat on the toilet. My gaze fixated on the white ceramic softly glimmering beneath the light. My fingers traced the edge of the tub where my hands clutched to push myself up before Eddie barged in to pull me out. They traced to where he sat with his body trembling and his hold on me indestructible. Finally, I snapped my fingers from my tub. A let out a sharp exhale, not quite a sigh.

There has only been three times that I turned to the cold water to vigorously pull me deeper into its depth. The feeling, the rush of being plummeted down into frigid water somehow makes me forget about everything going around me. All my troubles are suddenly diminished as I only focus on one thing. I concentrate on the immense pressure my lungs gave. They implore for air, even a quick gust of it would be enough to calm it. It was somewhat comforting. All the silent voices tormenting my mind would go quiet as soon as I vanished from air. I like that. I like the feeling of knowing that there was a way to tame them, even if it was temporary. The ache would go away, and I'd feel alive.

If I had been in the water when I was ten, or sixteen, I would've found the feeling pleasant. I would've enjoyed the silence in my head and the pressure escalating on my chest. Even though I would have, I did not. There was no silence. Instead, I was haunted by the all too consuming incubus. I just longed to close my eyes and drift away. I wanted to feel the ache on my lungs. But I didn't. And now that I think about it, that was the difference from the first and second time I succumbed compared to the third time. The first two times, I wanted to silence the voices. I wanted to block Trent's yells, the pleads of my mother, and the mocking laughter in my head. But the third time, there was no Trent, and no begging. It was just me with the intent of ending my life. I wanted to die.

There was moment where I was driven to do it; I was going to kill myself. All motivation of being alive was seeped away from me. My death would've been endgame but then I heard my name being yelled over and over again. The voice sounded so painfully familiar. And just hearing it made my heart thump quickly. It was Eddie's. At that moment everything became crystal clear to me, like the cold water inundating me finally made me realize why I should be breathing and not the latter. I wanted to live. The relief of being pulled away from the cold dispersed within me. It even took me off guard. In those few seconds, I have never felt so safe. I needed to thank him for it. I needed to do it soon because if it weren't for him kicking the door open who knows what would've been of me.

A raspy sigh bounced between the walls. I shook my head once again and blocked out any remaining images that were lingering around. I abruptly stood up and quickly undressed myself. I stood inside the tub and felt the lukewarm water drizzle over me. All the while I ignored the pain.

I pulled my jeans up, zipped them and then I hastily put on a navy blue shirt with 'I love NY' printed on it. I stared at my reflection on the mirror and frowned. I made a note in my head to go buy much more feminine clothing. My upper teeth met my bottom lip. When had I started caring of what to wear, I thought. My gaze never drifted away from the mirror and my frown stayed put. A thought to change crossed my mind, but I shook my head. "He said to go comfortable," I reassured myself. But my gaze unwantedly moved to stare fixatedly at the red and strapless dress. One of the dresses Melissa bought me not too long ago. I deliberated for a moment but I soon found myself snatching the knee length dress from the small closet and hastily dress myself once again.

I smoothed the skirt-part of the dress and quickly put on some black flats. I scrutinized the mirror and nodded in approval. I cocked my head sideways, and began pulling my hair up in a ponytail. I bit my lip and clenched my teeth together. Maybe some makeup will– No. "It's just a damn date," I hissed and quickly exited out of my room before I decided to clown myself with makeup.

My hands automatically clutched my stomach as I made it halfway through the hall. I inhaled loudly and ignored the pain. As I was getting closer to the kitchen, I heard a soft hum and the sound of pans cluttering against each other. I turned and notice my mother examining one of the pans closely. I hesitated for brief moment before calling her. Startled, she turned to look at me and quickly frowned.

"Why are you up?" she asked with concern on the edge of every word. "I'm going out." I stated. She frowned disapprovingly. "Not with your condition."

"I'm fine mom," I reassured her. She shook her head. "Loren, you're obviously still in pain. I don't want you-"

"The pain is not so bad. It's actually subsiding and sometimes I forget it hurts. Anyways, I really do want to go out." She raised an eyebrow. "It's only been a day. I don't think you can heal that fast, unless you have some abnormal healing power."

"I'm fine." She sighed, giving up. "Who are going out with?" I felt my cheeks instantly heat up as I thought of Eddie.

"What makes you think I'm going out with someone?"

"You rarely go out and when you do it's for work or school related. It's almost 8, you've been excused from work and you're off school until you get better. So it only leads to one possible explanation: you're going out with someone." She was thoughtful for a moment and I surrendered. "Who is it? Is it Melissa? Or that boy Cameron?"

"It's neither." I stated. A few beats passed and I quickly looked at her puzzled. "Cameron? How do you know Cameron?"

"Oh, didn't I tell you?"

"I don't think you did."

"Well," she began, "A cute blonde boy came to visit you yesterday really early in the morning. He wanted to see you, or know that you were alright. He was so worried it was too cute. Anyways, I would've waked you up but you looked so tired. I had to tell him to come some other day."

Cameron, huh, who would've thought? I shrugged and my mother smiled. "Weird. I've only talked to him a couple of times, and we're not exactly friends."

"Well whatever you guys are, he looked extremely worried about you. If you two were going out, he would've been playing the role of a boyfriend perfectly. It was almost as if he liked-"

"Yeah well, we're not seeing each other. Either way, I'm still going out tonight."

"With who?"

The blush deepened. "Eddie." My mother bit her lip bare without lip gloss and nodded slowly. Her eyes glistened with excitement and her lips twitched upward forming a smile. But all she said was "Oh." I nodded flustered and she moved closer to me. "No wonder you look so lovely." She softly kissed the side of my head. I smiled. At that instant there was a knock on the door. "Maybe that's your knight in shining armor."

"Mom…" I warned helplessly. I'm sure by now I look like a nice, plump, and red tomato. She waved me off and rapidly opened the door. Excitement evident on her face and a flustered expression on mine. I pressed my lips together and leaned against the kitchen wall.

"It's so nice to see you again, Eddie." I heard a soft chuckle. My heart leaped again, causing me to curse silently.

"Hi Nora."

The sound of his voice did things to the insides of my stomach. Butterflies suddenly began summersaulting. I bet I looked much more flushed now. I tried avoiding the shift in gazes. I felt an excited pair of eyes and the other felt much more neurotic but filled with relief? "Well, I'll leave you two to enjoy your night." My mother said, and then I heard a rush of hushed whispers. They were too low for me to hear them. I shrugged it away. "Have fun, honey," she said as she passed me. I didn't miss the slick wink she sent my way. I watched her slim physique walk into her room. I smiled as Eddie cleared his throat to grab my attention.

My gaze landed on his and he didn't try to hold back his smile. I took a deep breath and walked towards him, trying to ignore the slight affliction. My breath was held, and I felt his hand gently hold my arm. Hesitantly, he gently pulled me forward to his body and I felt his arms sheath around me. I inhaled his scent. The smile widened, and my body reacted accordingly to the kiss he delicately gave me on my cheek. He stepped back-his arms were still wrapped around me- and smiled brightly.

"Hi."

"Hi."

It was silent, but nothing too awkward. He let go of me and I longed to be back in his arms again. I restrained a smile as I saw that he, too, wanted to completely close the space between us. "You're ready to go?" He asked almost too excitedly. I nodded, and without another word he swept me off my feet. Literally.

I gasped in surprise and struggled in his arms. He was already moving. "Eddie!" I exclaimed but he looked forward, watching his steps. "What are you doing?" He shrugged, "Isn't it obvious? I'm carrying you." I glared at him. "Well, thanks. I totally did not notice." I continued shooting daggers whilst attempting to get down.

"Will you stop moving? Jesus woman, you need to chill. It's not like I'm carrying you to throw you off a cliff or something." I proceeded to move. "But why are you carrying me? Is it really necessary? I have two good legs that I can use. Thank you very much."

"You're welcome." He stated. I glared.

"And didn't I tell you before? I hate to watch you in any kind of pain."

"But I can walk perfectly!"

"No. You can't."

"Yes I can! Now, put me down!"

"No." He sighed with a hint of frustration, but it was soon replaced with a chuckle. I humph-ed and turned away from him. "I really hate you right now." I murmured.

"Right now?" He was a thoughtful for a second. "Then, you must really, really like me whenever you're not hating me." He flashed me a smile, and I blushed in response. "That's not what I meant-whatever." I lamely said. I was too engrossed in my own slip-up when I noticed Eddie was no longer holding me and I was sitting on his car's passenger seat. I turned away from him as soon as he closed his door. I felt his amused gaze. "Are you done acting like a five-year old?"

"No."

"Loren," he sighed. I had no time to respond since he swiftly made me look at him. His forefinger and thumb held my chin steady, and I felt his soft breath soflty tickle my lips. I swallowed and he looked at me with those auburn eyes. I bit my lips and his eyes quickly shifted to them. "Loren," he said my name again, almost giving it soft caress to it. "Would you forgive me for worrying over your well-being and being such an ass in the process?" His eyes were still fixed on my parted lips, and teasingly, I slowly pronounce the one syllable of "No." He groaned. Did I hear him right? Before I was able to utter any questions, his hand leaned forward- touching the scrunchie that held my hair up- and gracefully pulled it out. He ruffled my hair and grinned. I smiled because the crimson color on his cheek was growing a tenfold by the second.

"Better?" I asked while my confidence grew. He bit back his lips, and nodded instead.

"Much better," he said after a moment. And he drove off.

"I don't know why you have to be so complicated." Eddie said before me. He gently led me into the elevator and I smiled at Jeffrey, the doorman. He looked pale when he saw me come in, and he didn't dare to look at Eddie. I don't blame him. Eddie's brown eyes were colored with black coal as his gaze pierced through Jeffrey's. He was pissed, and although I had a pretty good guess as to why, I dismissed the situation. "I mean," he began again after the elevator doors closed, "I could've carried you without breaking a sweat."

"How sweet, but I can walk perfectly."

"Yeah right. You think I missed that profanity escape your sweet mouth when you were getting out of the car, which by the way, I could've helped you down. But do you accept any of my help? Nope. Not at all."

"Let it go, Eddie." I leaned against the wall and turned to look up at Eddie. He was looking at me with uncertainty glistening his eyes, and I suddenly felt remorseful as I recalled his confession after he pulled me out from the tub. It destroys me, Loren, he had said, It kills me when I feel useless. I bit back my tongue. He's just trying to be helpful, and here I am, pushing him away… again.

"Next time," I started, "when I'm acting like a brat, you shouldn't hesitate to-" and before I was able to finish my sentence, the elevator rung and I looked at the floor. We were at the top, and the doors opened to an astonishing view of L.A. He flashed me a grin and took my hand in his. I felt our fingers intertwine. He gave our hold a soft squeeze, and he gently led to the center of the rooftop. I smiled as I stared at a small, rounded table covered with a white cloth. A lit candle stood flickering in the middle of the table, which was decorated with small florets. Encased boxes were on a table containing, what I suppose, food. There were two glasses and a bottle of ginger ale.

I looked around my surroundings and smiled at the horizon. L.A. was beautiful if you found a spot that truly captured all of its illuminating lights. It was a full moon, and stars were allotted in the sky. Each twinkling in its own unique way. I sighed and closed my eyes, letting the breeze gently swirl around me. My arms felt naked in the soft wind, but I didn't mind it.

"Do you like it?" Eddie asked. I wasn't too dazed off to notice the uncertainty in his voice, telling me he was nervous. "I mean, I only had a couple of hours to fix it up. And Jake, my manager, was being a hard ass with me today. I wanted something special for our first date, and I love coming out here, especially at night for obvious reasons. So, I thought you would like it too. But if you don't, we can definitely go somewhere else and I'll be glad to-"

"Eddie," I turned to look at him and he exasperatedly ran a hand through his hair, "I love it. Thank you." He soughed out of relief. "Thank goodness. I was already planning on jumping down the balcony if you didn't."

"I don't. So there's no need to jump down anything. Now, are we going to sit down and get this date started or are you going to keep talking."

"I thought the date began an hour ago when you couldn't shut up after I picked you up."

I glared at him again once he brought the incident. I pulled a chair out and hastily sat on it. I crossed my arms and Eddie stared at me. "Well thanks, Loren."

"You're welcome," I responded with a smile, "but for what?" He walked around the table, pulled his chair and sat on it with as much force, if not more, as I did. Eddie crossed his arms across his chest as well. "You see, I was about to pull the chair out for you like the gentleman I am. But what did you do instead? You sat down without waiting for me to do my gentleman action. And you just ruined a chance for me to show how much of a gentleman I am." An eyebrow rose and I shrugged. "It's not like you're going to die just because you didn't pull the chair out for me. Plus, it's the thought that counts. So thank you for trying to be so gentlemanly with me."

"I'm definitely trying to be good today. Therefore next time you see that there's an opportunity for me to do my act of 'goodness,' wait for me to act on it and if I don't, then I give you the permission to stomp on my feet and order me to do it."

"I would, but I don't see why I should. If you're a true gentleman you'd see the 'act of goodness' right away and I really shouldn't need to tell you what it is." I sighed. "Enough of this gentleman talk, let's get to the food."

"Whoa, Loren," he murmured with a smile. He grabbed one of the boxes and opened it. I instantly smelled lasagna, and a blush appeared. Avoid saying it. Don't say it. Point. Point. I chanted in my head. "What? What's wrong?"

"Nothing. It's just that considering how a few days ago you would've rejected the foo- you know what forget it. So what do you want? Lasagna, spaghetti and meatballs, or both? I even ordered ravioli if you want that too." I stared at the lasagna longingly. Avoid saying it. Don't say it. Point. Point. I swiftly pointed at the box with my desired food. Eddie followed my finger and raised an eyebrow at me. "I want that one." He averted his gaze between us. "Lasagna it is." He got a plate and placed the food on it, he passed it to me. Eddie grabbed his ravioli, and then he poured ginger ale in the two glasses.

"It's so nice up here." I stated while looking around. Eddie nodded in agreement. "Yeah, I found it a week after I first moved here. And I usually come here to clear my head, too. But then it gets kind of loud, so I opt to go to Mulholland."

"Ah, I know that place." I said taking a sip of my drink. Eddie chuckled and chewed a forkful of his food. I sighed, "So you must bring a lot of girls here." I said with a little twinge of jealousy. Well, Eddie did date other girls before- before nothing. I'm too impulsive. I cringed when I heard Eddie cough. "No. Actually, you're the first girl I have brought up here."

"Really?" I looked up at him. He was smiling. "Really. And just so we're clear, I've only dated three girls my entire life." Yeah, right. Like I'm going to believe that. Hm, maybe he is telling the truth. "And you?"

"Me what?"

"How many guys have you dated?" I noticed the tension on his jaw, and I wanted to lean in to caress it. To make it go away. My hand twitched, and I clutched my fork. His question dawned to me. I cursed at my sudden lack of experience. Well, not lack, I have no experience at all. "Um, well the thing is I've never dated anyone." I said abashed.

"Really…" Was that relief I heard in his voice? "So you never dated anyone before me." He gently said, letting the statement process through. I noticed his jaw relax and he failed at holding back a smile, forming half of it.

"Yeah," I placed my utensils down. "Dating never really crossed my mind actually. With all the-" I sighed and restrained another cringe. Eddie quickly leaned in in alert and I shook my head. "I'm fine. I was just saying that with all the things that was happening to my mother and me, dating was never really an option. I had far too greater problems than thinking on who I was going to the movies that Friday, or how to respond to the kid who anonymously asked me to be his valentine every year." I drank the last bit of ginger ale to quench the sudden dryness in my mouth. Eddie poured more in my glass. He was quiet for moment, contemplating on something. "Loren," he stressed my name out softly and I didn't miss the tightness in his voice, "I'm sorry for bringing it up."

"It's okay. It's my fault for asking that stupid question about the girls you dated. So all blame on me." I twirled the ginger ale in the glass and watched the liquid swirl around. I looked up at Eddie. The pained expression startled me. He ran a hand through his hair. Although his eyes were on me, he looked so distant. As if he was miles, and miles away from here. The expression was so familiar; I've seen it before… Right, when I told him about Trent and all the damage he had done. I soughed, "Eddie." I placed the glass down and this time I didn't hesitate to get a hold of his hand. I awkwardly interlaced my fingers with his, but his smile put me at ease. "I just needed to thank you," I watched his thumb softly stroke the back of my hand. "For what, Loren?" His gaze was fixated on our hands and there was a smile, small but it was there.

"For saving me. If it weren't for you breaking through the bathroom door, I don't know what would've happened to me." His thumb was no longer stroking the back on my hand. I sensed how his body tensed up. And that tension on his jaw was set again. His eyes were no longer on our hands, but looking at me. A mixed of emotions cascaded through them. And his smile banished. "So, I just needed to thank you for pulling me out. I don't think-"

"Loren," he said my name so softly that if I weren't so close to him, I wouldn't have heard it. "I need you to know that I would do anything for you. I would give up anything for you if it meant that your safety, your happiness, would be secured. And I need you to know-" he paused and his eyes were troubled. He looked tormented, like something was bothering him. I nibbled on my lower lip, and I felt the hold on my hand quickly strengthen. "I need you to know that I will never allow anything, or anyone to hurt you ever again. But right now... Right now I don't want to talk about that. I don't want to be remembered about it in this instant. I just want for us to forget everything, and let you and me be the only ones in this moment. I want to be consumed by it, and know that you are as happy as I am just to be here. Only us." I saw a desperate plead in his eyes. His lips slightly trembled. The tension was still set, and his hands gripped mine tightly.

Something was bothering him. I wanted to know. Maybe there was a way I could help. But his eyes begged me to drop it. I gently nodded, forcing a smile. His eyebrows furrowed together and his free hand gently cupped my cheek. My smile fell and I placed my hand on top his. "Okay." I said. "Okay. We won't talk about it. Only us right now. No more painful memories. Just us under this beautiful moonlight." I nodded and when his hands left my cheek, I softly caressed the tension on his jaw. He turned to my hold. He smiled.

The rest of the night took it's on toll. We bickered. He teased. I teased back. We stayed away from childhood talks and we talked a little bit about our future. He spoke about his mother, and I saw the love and the longing as he spoke of her. Sadness would hood his expression but then he would look at me, and a smile soon replaced his somber expression. And throughout the night, I would find my eyes on his lips. Watching its movements and wondering how it would feel to have it move on mine. I would quickly disdain, but I would feel his gaze on my lips, too. And every now and then, he would twirled locks of my hair and gently placed them behind my ear.

The air space between us was electrifying. We would get anxious after a few moments of no contact, and he would hold my hand with his soft caresses. Our faces leaning and our breath hitched at the proximity. And no matter how close we got, it wasn't enough.

A chuckle. A giggle. And I still wanted to know how his lips tasted.

We were both waiting for the elevator to turn up. My body leaned against his for his support, as I was finding harder to sustain the pain in my abdomen. It felt like it was throbbing, but I ignored it. Eddie had a protective arm around me, and I don't know what he was protecting me from but it felt nice.

"You know, our next date is totally up to you."

"Really?"

"Yup. So you better get creative and take me skydiving."

"Okay, I'll take you skydiving, but you can go up that helicopter to take the fall of your death while I happily wait here on the ground, trying to predict where you'd fall."

"You're no fun." He scrunched up his nose. "Fine, take me bowling. I've never bowled." His eyes averted to me, and he leaned his head downward to me. If I thought we were close before, then I was completely wrong. His face was just a few centimeters away from me. Just a few centimeters to lean in and connect our lips. And the air between us sizzled. I gulped and I noticed the dark tint on his cheeks, his eyes hooded with an unknown desire, and his lips were beginning to part. "Eddie?" I inquired. Whatever were the chances that he was going to kiss me at that instant, I completely demolished them. He quickly came back from his daze, and he cleared his throat. Although he regained from whatever he was in, his cheeks were burning.

I watched as he tried to avoid my gaze, and his head was no longer a few centimeters from me. What's holding him back from kissing me?

"Loren," he hesitated for a second but proceeded anyways. "Just know that I want to savor every moment I spend with you. I want to take things slowly. I don't want to rush." He stopped again but with a conflict in mind. "I don't want you to jump too quickly into this to then realize a mistake, if there is."

That's why.

I nodded. I was about to say something to him. About how wrong he is about this. I don't want to take things slowly. I've already wasted too much time already. If I'm going to jump into this, I want to jump with both feet. Not just one foot at a time. Trent already took too much from me. I let him take too much from me. The same with Adrianna, my nightmares, and all my other instigators.

The elevator's doors opened, and Eddie began to walk towards it but I stayed still. "Eddie," I called out to him. He turned to look at me and without thinking-I think too much anyways-I grappled his arm and hauled him forward. His body almost slammed with mine, but he restrained the crash. His hands held my arms tightly, and then loosened. Our eyes met, and he looked at me confused. I inhaled and exhaled. I pressed my lips together and I found myself leaning upwards. Closing the distance that separated Eddie and I. I watched as his confused gaze turned into sudden realization. My eyes began closing, my cheeks burned, my stomach ached but not because of the obvious pain, but because of the butterflies. And I stopped breathing. If Eddie was planning to step backwards, I didn't give him time as my lips brushed lightly against his.

That wasn't so bad, I thought. How hard was that? Not very hard. I don't know what took him so long to do that, and I wasn't going to wait around until he finally decided upon it.

The kiss didn't even last a full five seconds, but it was enough for me. I stepped back and I smiled at Eddie's shocked expression. Maybe he was shocked at my sudden confidence and bravery? I would be too. His eyes looked at me, as if he was looking for some hesitation in mine. As if I would regret kissing him. He found none. I didn't regret it. In fact, I've been wanting to do that for a while now. My smile widened and I began to walk around Eddie towards the elevator.

I didn't get to take my second step around him before I felt a pair of strong arms gently pull me back and lightly wrap around me. Bringing me into an embrace. I smiled. "Eddie?" My arms wrapped around his torso. "Are you okay?" His embrace began to loosen, and I realized he was softly pushing me backwards. "I'm asking because you look so-Humph!"

My eyes widened, but soon began to close. My cheeks burned… again. The butterflies… again. His lips caught me. They moved slowly against mine at first, and I became lost in it, slowly following it. And as the seconds passed, his want became prominent. They began to move much more hastily, and I felt his tongue lightly rub on my bottom lip, asking for an entrance. I was too startled to react, and Eddie took notice of this. His hands rubbed my waist-wait, how the hell did they get there? - and my arms had found comfort around his neck. He gently pulled away, and his face was burning up. His eyes were brushed with a different kind of emotion. I couldn't understand the hunger and want behind them.

A smile came first, and he gently pulled me into another embrace before pulling back. He grabbed my hand and led me into the elevator. The doors closed and I noticed the heat in his cheeks was gradually fading, but not quite. He leaned against the wall and I looked at him carefully. "Thank you, Eddie. For such an incredible first date." Err- first kiss, too. I gulped as he leaned into me again. This time, his kiss was different. It was slow and lingering, almost like he wanted to savor it.

I mesmerized the sensation of his lips. How they gently moved on me, like caressing them. His hands softly stroked my waist, and how he pulled my body closer to his. I don't know how much time passed, but it was infinite. He pulled away and looked at me intently but with slight playfulness. "C'mon. I'll take you home," his voice husky and breathless. He pressed his lips on my lips for a full second before pulling away. And the elevator's door dinged opened.

Happy Holidays! I hope you guys had a great year and a Merry, Merry Christmas!

Song: Better than Words

By: One Direction.

Read, Review, Favourite, follow and I love you guys. (sorry for posting so late, mistakes will be fixed later.)