Things That Stop You Dreaming

"Loren, honey, wake up."

I felt a soft nudge on my left arm. The sweet voice of my mother gently woke me up from my restless slumber. One eye opened and I took all of her in. Fresh bruises from yesterday were allotted on her soft features. Her hair was tied up in messy bun; brunette locks sticking out rebelliously. There was a red bruise on her right collarbone. She tried to cover it with her bulky sweater, but it was too loose on her. My eyes darted away from her new bruise and landed on her puffy eyes. The sight ignited an instant fury.

The sight pained me.

I shifted my gaze away from the hollowness of her eyes and focused on her murdering hold of my beige comforter. She clutched it in a death grip. I focused on her lips. They were chapped and dry. She kept biting them telling me she was anxious.

"What's wrong?" I asked quietly so to not wake Trent up. He's a light sleeper, and I didn't want to deal with his rage so early on a Saturday morning.

"Nothing, just get up and wash yourself. We're leaving in thirty minutes." She whispered. Her slim fingers delicately traced the outline of my nose, lips, eyes and cheekbones.

I quickly sat up from my bed. I felt instantly light headed, but ignored the dizziness. I looked at my mother with confusion. She urgently pushed me out of the bed. "Hurry."

"Where are we going?" Excitement rushed within me, completely waking every ounce of my body. Is today the day where we leave this nightmare once and for all? One look from my mother demolished all of that hope.

She shook her head and smiled. It was fake and forceful and it caused the insides of my body to twist up. It was just so painful watching her break. She's brave, but Trent manages to peel all those layers of strength from her. All that's left of her is complete nudeness of vulnerability. And Trent takes advantage of that vulnerability, taking pleasure watching her in pain, while I-I hopelessly stand watching her break away.

"Just get ready. It's a surprise." She was making her exit of the room when she quickly stop. "Don't make a lot of noise. I don't want-"

"Trent to wake up." I said with restraint in my voice. I didn't look at her while I rushed to get my clothes out of the closet. I couldn't. "Got it."

I was ready in less than fifteen minutes. I quietly closed the front door and walked towards the black Nissan Pathfinder. My mother was already inside the car, tapping the wheel impatiently and looking around anxiously. Her eyes landed on me and she waved me to hurry up. I opened the door and she pushed the pedal before I even got to put my seatbelt on.

It was quiet for a few minutes. My eyes observed my mother. She had brushed her hair which was now wavy and tamed. The bruises on her face and neck were all covered with makeup. Years of practice made her pro. She was able to cover the big gash on her collarbone, which was impressive considering how dark it was.

She was nervous, I noticed. Her body couldn't stay in one place, and she kept looking at the rear mirror. She was on the watch. She wanted to make sure nobody was following us.

"Where are we going?"

Her gaze shifted towards the road. "We're going to Griffin Park."

I looked at her for a moment. "Why?"

"Because it's been months since you and I have gone out."

I thought about it for a moment. "Let's go back," I said finally.

"What? Why?" Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"I don't want to deal with Trent today."

"It's fine, I'll deal with him."

"So then I have to pretend there's not another big bruise on the other side of your collarbone? No thanks, I won't take my chances." I stared at the side of her head. She shook her head in disapproval. "Mom, let's go back."

"No."

"Then if we're not going back home, take a left at the next stop, get in the expressway and let's leave. Let's get out of here."

"You know I can't do that," she sighed shaking her head, pretending I didn't say that.

"Why not?" I snarled at her. I shouldn't have, but I couldn't stop myself.

"Let's leave. Let's get out. We can go anywhere. Far away from here where Trent can't find us. Don't you want that?"

"Trent-" She swallowed, "Trent is your father."

I bit my lip. "A father wouldn't find pleasure in watching the mother of his daughter in pain. A father wouldn't lay a finger on his daughter purposefully. He wouldn't laugh when she is gasping for air because his hands around her neck block her airway. A real father-"

"Loren, stop."

"A father wouldn't hurt his family. He wouldn't. A husband, a real husband wouldn't treat you the way Trent does. He doesn't care about us. He doesn't love me or-"

"Loren," tears were silently rolling down her cheeks now. "Shut up."

"He doesn't love you either," I whispered with conviction. "So if we're not leaving for good, take me back to that son-of-a-bitch."

"He's your father!"

I chuckled, no humor tracing it. "Just because his filthy blood runs through me, that doesn't make him my father, not with the way he treats us as oppose to the way a real father should."

She was silent. I stared at her throughout the rest of the drive. My gaze shifted away after she made a sharp turn and quickly parked on the parking lot of a rundown souvenir shop. I got out of the car and carefully walked over the edge of the parking lot. We were on a hill. It was steep. I edged closer and a brush of air welcomed me to jump. I closed my eyes and imagined myself falling. Falling down, the arms of air gently enveloping around me, then landing. Landing to a void of nothingness that'd absolutely liberate me.

A loud sigh disrupted me from my reverie. I looked to my right side and a teenage boy was impatiently tapping on the hood of his humongous yellow Hummer. He looked frustrated. He wasn't hideous to look at. His clean-cut brown hair was tasseled around, his cheeks were tainted with a red splash, his lips were lushly round, he was somewhat tall, and fit. I noticed how he look around frantically, like he was looking for someone. Which he probably was because his anxious eyes quickly perked up in delight when a woman that looked just like him-but a prettier version- walked over to him. He smiled widely and I noticed silver wires on his teeth.

I was staring at him too long for comfort. He eventually felt my intruding gaze on his because we were both looking at each other. His eyes squinted in confusion. He opened his mouth to say something but I quickly turned away.

I mentally thanked the stranger for sighing and being attractive. I would've been rolling down the hill to my death. I would've but I knew I couldn't, not when it meant that my mother would've been left all alone to face Trent. I watched her walk ungracefully with two vanilla ice cream cones swirled a feet tall- I swear- and a smiled spread around her lips. I didn't question her why we were going to have ice cream at 8 o'clock in the morning. I didn't want her to stop smiling.

I smiled back. I might as well give her a glimpse of false happiness for a few hours before we go back to reality.

"Here. Drink some tea."

My mother took a hold of the hot mug with shaky hands. "Thank you." Her chocked up voice cracked and my hands clenched. "Are you going to tell me what's wrong?" I asked quietly. I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose.

"It's fine. I was just having a mental breakdown. Things have been rough over at the clinic. A lot of stress, but nothing that can't be cured."

She's lying. I didn't say anything. Instead, I picked up the stacks of schoolwork, glanced at my shaken mother with pain and walked towards my room. Before I turned towards the hallway, I noticed a pack of colorful letters. I looked at them with distaste.

"These letters," I said, "who are they from?"

She almost choked on the tea. Too quickly, she recovered, stood up and picked them up. She clutched them tightly to her chest. I eyed them and looked up her. "Who are they from?"

"No one. They're from-" she avoided my gaze and looked around the room to make up another lie. It stung. We've never lied to each other, and here she is making up excuses. "They're from the church." She said.

"When did you began going?"

"A few weeks back."

"I never knew you to be the religious type."

"It's never too late to become a believer." She looked terrified. She grappled the letters even tighter to her chest. So what's the big deal if they're only letters from church asking for money? I was about to question her further, but her big wide scared eyes impeded me from doing so.

She looked so fragile. So vulnerable.

I flinched at that. I turned my back from her and walked towards the room. "I'll make lunch. Go rest." I ordered her harshly. Don't keep things away from me. I don't like that.

I kicked the door open, placed the stack of papers on my work table and flung myself on the bed. I pulled the covers on me. They were cool and gave in to their chill. My eyes stared up the ceiling and I stared at darkness.

The room was cold, and the curtains weren't drawn. It was completely obscure.

I wanted to yell.

I wanted to scream so loud my mother would have to rush in and tell me everything that's bothering her.

Instead of doing so, I closed my eyes. My hands grazed over my stomach, and I gripped whatever skin I could get. I clawed my nails in to hopefully inflict pain that would distract me from everything. My nails mauled in deeper and deeper.

I hissed and retracted my hands almost immediately. I shook my head violently.

I thought of how my mother would be disappointed. How Melissa would wank in the head for such rash thinking. And Eddie… him and his sad brown eyes looking at me helplessly.

I bit my lip, turned to the side, placed my hands over my ears and urged myself to go to sleep.

Restless nightmares inundated me. I woke up panting uncontrollably. My chest heaved up and down hastily. My hair stuck to my sweating face, and the covers were all on the floor. It was still dark inside the room and chilly.

I laid there for a moment before I sat up. Picking up my phone, I wiped my sweaty face with the back of my hand. It was 11 p.m. I had more than 10 calls. Most from Eddie, the rest Melissa. One from Emily. I looked at her name for a minute before going back to Eddie's. I only heard one ring before he picked up.

"Loren?" He sounded panicked.

"Yeah." I said while hugging my body.

"Oh thank god." Eddie exhaled in relief. A smile played around my lips. "Are you okay?" Concern was at every edge of his voice.

"I'm fine."

"No. Don't say that," I sensed frustration from him, "tell me the truth, are you alright?"

"I told you. I'm fine."

"Loren-"

"Eddie, nothing happened. Just something with my mom. It's all okay now. Don't worry."

"Don't tell me not to worry. I will always worry about you, Loren."

My gaze shifted down to my hand. I smiled bitterly. "It feels like that's how it will always be with us, huh?"

"What?"

"You'll always worry about me no matter how much I tell you not to…"

He was silent. I watched my hands turn into fists and then unclenched. I heard his rigid breathing and then he swallowed hard. "What is going on in that pretty little head of yours?"

"Nothing." I blurted. The answer was automatic. I've always been ready with that answer every time somebody asked me how I was during my days of rehabilitation. It never was nothing. It was always something.

"What aren't you telling me?" He said aghast. I closed my eyes. I don't want to be a burden. "I said nothing, Eddie." I whispered with distressed. "Just drop it, okay? Sorry I didn't call you earlier. I fell asleep."

Eddie chuckled sorely. "You're doing it again, Loren."

I opened my eyes swiftly. I heard the strain in his voice. "What?" But I knew the answer oh-too-well.

"You're me pushing me away."

I heard a click and the line went dead.

I succumbed back to bed. I pressed my lips together and felt the tears asking to come out. But I didn't let, I closed my eyes and darkness soon folded me in company of my despair.

Tuesday 6 a.m.

It was gloomy outside. It was raining and thunder woke me up. I slowly got off my bed, and walked from my room to my mother's. I opened the door and slowly walked to her bed.

"Mom?" I whispered softly. "Are you awake?"

"Loren?"

"Yeah." She stood up groggily. I watched my mother rid of her sleepiness and look at me lazily. A small smile formed on her lips and her eyes sparked.

"Say, let's get away from here for a while." I looked at her. I blinked a couple times. "What?" Did I hear her properly?

"Let's leave. It doesn't have to be for long. A couple days. Let's just leave."

"Why?" I slowly sat on the edge of her bed.

"I don't know. I just want to get away for a few days and forget everything. So what do you say?"

"Mom, we can't just leave all of the sudden."

"Of course we can," she beamed at me. I stared at her. Did I miss something? She was completely disheartened yesterday. She shrugged, "Look Loren, these past days haven't been the best for me. I need to get away and free my mind from all of it. And I want you to come with me. Please, honey, I really need this."

I looked away for a moment. Eddie's call from yesterday haunting me. I shook my head. Maybe going away will help me too. Maybe it'll help me clear my mind. And maybe, it'll bring my mother and me closer and we can talk. We can talk and maybe, we can have closure. My gaze landed on hers again and I watched her eyes imploring me for a getaway.

I smiled, "Okay."

"Hurry! I want to leave before the storm kicks in harder!"

"I'm coming!" I yelled back as I quickly put in my navy blue Nike sweater. I looked around the messy room and flinched at the view. I need some to do spring cleaning after I come back. I quickly picked up my phone. I stared at Eddie's name and deliberated on whether to text him or call him. My expression softened after I remembered our conversation the night before.

I chose to do neither. I don't want to bother him anymore than what I have. He's probably busy with the whole music business anyways. I don't want to be another problem for me. My bottom lip came into contact with my top teeth. I really do screw things up, huh.

After finding Melissa's name, I sent her a quick text before turning my phone off and placing it on my desk. I picked up my bag, looked at my room for a second before turning around.

Maybe when I come back, things will be a little better. A little sweeter.

300 reviews! I'm so happy. So here's another update. Not really feeling this chapter, but I really needed to get Nora and Loren leaving out of my system. So Things with Eddie and Loren, yikes! This too shall be edited by the end of this week.

Anyways, love you guys.

Song: "Things That Stop You Dreaming" by Passenger

P.S. who do you think was that boy Loren described when she was at the parking lot *wink* *wink*