A/N: This fic contains potentially triggering subject matter including but not limited to: suicidal references, gun violence, sexual trauma, homelessness, drug abuse, depression, homophobia, and cancer. It may contain inaccuracies. No copyright infringement intended. Thanks for reading!
BOOK ONE - PART ONE - CHAPTER TWELVE
"Ugh, what's taking them so long?" Sam complained.
Cat had forced her to go through an extremely thorough check-up with her own doctor to make sure nothing had been missed all the years Sam had gone without medical care. They hadn't even gotten to her shoulder yet, and she'd already received a full physical, gotten two immunizations, and given three vials of blood. Cat had even been able to talk her into peeing in a cup. She was really starting to question whether this was worth a couple of milkshakes.
Finally, the door opened, and a nurse came in. "Sam? Looks like we'll be doing a full MRI for your left shoulder today." She led Sam to a large machine. "Go ahead and lie down on here for me."
Sam hesitated. She briefly glanced over at Cat, who was seated in a chair against the other wall.
"It's okay," Cat encouraged her. She could tell she was scared. "Do you want me to come hold your hand?"
Embarrassed, Sam muttered, "Pshh, no. I'm fine." She climbed up onto the strange table.
The nurse directed her to lie down on her back, which she did. Finally, the nurse draped a large, heavy sheet over her upper body. "Okay, now we're just gonna slide you down into this machine here," the nurse told Sam. "Do you get claustrophobic?"
"Not really," Sam replied, though she was already feeling very anxious.
"Okay, great. It'll only take a few minutes. Just try to hold very still, and keep your eyes closed," the nurse instructed. She reached for a button on the side of the machine. "Ready?"
"Yeah," Sam answered shakily. The table slid forward until Sam was entirely surrounded by the enormous machine.
"Doing okay, Sam?" the nurse asked.
"Uh-huh." Sam squeezed her eyes shut and tried to breathe deeply. She hated doctors. She started to see bright flashes of light behind her closed eyelids, which continued for a few minutes. Finally, the table slid back out of the machine, and she opened her eyes. "Is that it? Are we done?"
The nurse was standing and staring at a monitor across the room, which they were unable to see. She had a strange look on her face. "Um, Sam, can we have you just stay there for a minute? You can sit up if you'd like. I need to go grab the doctor." She rushed out of the room.
Sam sat up and exchanged a confused look with Cat. She suddenly had the impending feeling that something bad was going to happen, though she wasn't sure what. She and Cat sat there together in a tense silence for a couple of minutes until the nurse eventually returned with a doctor—a different one than she'd seen previously.
"Hello, Sam," he greeted. They went to the monitor. "Now, what's..?" His eyebrows shot up. "Oh. Hmmm…"
"What? What is it? Is my shoulder okay?" Sam asked worriedly. She was hoping there wasn't any permanent damage.
"Oh, your shoulder's fine. Looks like a minor cartilage tear. Surgery won't be necessary," the doctor replied. Then he hesitantly continued, "However…"
Sam looked terrified. Cat stood up and walked over to stand beside the table, taking her hand. She was lightly trembling, so Cat shifted closer to her and grabbed her whole arm instead.
"Can you tell me if your family has any history of cancer?" the doctor asked.
There was a crushing silence in the room, until finally, Sam stammered, "…Cancer?"
The doctor walked over to Sam. "Do you mind if I touch you through your gown for a moment?" When Sam didn't reply, he reached out and gently palpated the side of her left breast. "Does that hurt?"
Sam forced out, "Yeah," through clenched teeth. She had barely even registered the pain when Cat had been grabbing her there last night. The doctor that had administered her physical around an hour ago clearly hadn't been very thorough.
"Hmmm." The doctor shared a quick glance with the nurse and then removed his hand. He looked very serious. "Do you know if anyone in your family has had breast cancer?"
"Well, my dad fucked off before I was born, so I don't know anything about anyone on his side," Sam responded, upset, "But my grandma, great-grandma, aunt and cousin have all had it."
The doctor nodded, as if that confirmed something. "Did you know you had a lump on your breast? How long would you say that's been there?"
"I don't know; six months, maybe," Sam estimated, then admittedly mumbled, "It's gotten twice as big since then." She swallowed hard. "Are you saying… I have breast cancer..?"
The doctor sighed. "The odds are extremely high; yes. I'd say there's about a ninety percent chance right now. But we won't know for sure until we do a biopsy. I'd recommend that we do it as soon as possible."
Sam wasn't responding, so Cat looked over at her. She seemed to be frozen in shock. Cat turned to the doctor. "Okay, can we do that biopsy thing now? How long does it take?"
"Oh, not long at all. Nurse? Can you take her back to the exam room while we prep for the procedure?" the doctor asked.
"Of course. Follow me," the nurse told Sam.
Cat had to help Sam up off the table. She was shaky and pale. Cat held tight to her arm as they walked back to the room they'd been in before. The nurse instructed Sam to climb up onto the table again, which she did without resistance. Cat didn't let go of her the whole time.
The nurse left the room. There was a long, tense silence, and then the doctor and the nurse both returned. They had a stand with an array of surgical tools on it. Once the door was closed, the doctor said, "So we're just doing a standard core needle biopsy. Basically, we insert a hollow needle into your breast so that we can gather a tissue sample. Then we'll be able to tell you whether or not it's cancerous."
Sam eyed the tools on the table. "How bad does it hurt?"
"Oh, not at all. We'll be giving you local anesthesia—you won't feel a thing," the doctor assured her.
Sam didn't look convinced, but she muttered, "Okay."
"Okay, great. Can we have you untie your gown and slip your left arm out, please?" the doctor requested.
Cat helped her with the tie on her gown, and Sam quickly slipped her arm through the hole. Her left breast was exposed. She looked mortified and seemed to be blinking back tears. Cat squeezed her right arm a little tighter.
"Okay, now I'm just going to give you a little anesthesia, alright? Try to hold still," the doctor told Sam.
Cat avoided looking at the area. She felt Sam flinch as she hissed in pain. "Fuck! Dude! You said it wouldn't fucking hurt!"
"Sorry; that's the worst of it—it should already be numbing you up," the doctor told her. He continued to work in silence while Cat clung to Sam. A few minutes later, he said, "You're doing great. We're almost done. I'm just finishing up your sutures." Finally, he backed away. "Done. You have two stitches—they'll fall out on their own over the next couple of days. Until then, try to keep the area clean and dry, okay?"
"When do I find out if it's cancer?" Sam asked anxiously.
"We'll give you a call with the results sometime tomorrow. I'll send in a prescription for pain medication for your shoulder. It should heal on its own," the doctor replied. Then he looked at her seriously. "From what I can tell, it's very unlikely the lump is benign. At the stage it's at, it already may be terminal. But who knows? You could get lucky."
Somehow, that didn't help Sam feel any better.