A/N: This fic contains potentially triggering subject matter including but not limited to: suicidal references, gun violence, sexual trauma, homelessness, drug abuse, depression, homophobia, and cancer. It may contain inaccuracies. No copyright infringement intended. Thanks for reading!

BOOK ONE - PART THREE - CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

Once she was out in the hallway, Cat pulled out her phone and texted a familiar number.

hey. r u busy?

I'm playing Death Soul II with Beck. Why?

can u give me a ride somewhere real quick?

I'm halfway through an advanced mission on Beast Mode. Ask Tori.

Ummm ya im rlly not comfortable with tori going with me there. plz jade?

Why the hell not? Where did you want to go?

ill tell u when u get here. plz, its rlly important.

You're such a pain in the ass sometimes. I'll be there in 10.

ok thank u. c u soon.

"Now just take a left into the parking lot…" Cat was instructing as Jade drove.

"'Kay, now what?"

"Okay, we're here."

A long silence stretched out between them. Jade pulled into a parking spot. "Cat, this is the mall."

"Yes." Cat unbuckled her seatbelt and got out of the car.

Jade scoffed. "Why the hell couldn't Tori take you to the mall?" She climbed out of the car and locked it.

Cat grabbed Jade's arm and dragged her towards the entrance. "Just come on."

"Cat, you're really testing my patience right now…"

"Shush up!" Cat responded firmly, leading Jade in a certain direction once they got inside. Jade grumbled complaints until they finally reached their destination. The windows were blacked out and there was a Restricted sign on the door. Cat stopped walking and avoided Jade's eyes. "Okay."

Finally understanding, a wide smile stretched across Jade's face. "Cat! You dragged me here to go to a sex shop? That's what this is all about?" She understood Cat's reluctance to ask Tori now—she was very straight, and sex wasn't a regular topic of conversation between them. It was new even with Jade.

"Will you please just shut up and help me?" Cat had only been inside the adult store one other time, many years ago. She had been confused by everything and remembered none of it. "I need… I need to get something."

Jade looked extremely amused. "Come on." She led Cat to the door, and they stepped through. Once inside, Cat looked around uncomfortably—there were sex toys and lingerie and porn and various other things she didn't fully understand.

"Okay, what are we looking for? Something for you and Sam?" Jade guessed.

"Um, kind of." Cat could feel herself blushing and wasn't sure where to look. "I need… I need a vibrator."

"Really? That's it?" Jade chuckled. "Any particular kind? And why the sudden urgency?" She led Cat to the corner of the store where all the vibrators were displayed in clear plastic packaging.

Cat looked at them with wide eyes. There were a lot. Like, a lot. Of all shapes and colors and sizes. She was starting to feel even more intimidated. "You can't tell Sam I told you, okay? But, um… she's having trouble… orgasming, and she's all frustrated and upset," she whispered, "So I told her I'd help."

Jade laughed nervously. It still felt strange being so open with Cat like this. "Really? Why can't she come? I thought you said it was really easy before."

"It hurts her too much to move," Cat quietly explained. "She, um… tried to use the showerhead in my bath, but then Robbie walked in, and that was a whole other thing…"

"Wait—he walked in?" Jade had to cover her mouth to contain her amused laughter. "And he actually saw her, like… whacking off?"

"Yes. It made her cry," Cat mumbled. "And it's not funny. Honestly, at this point, it doesn't even really seem like a sexual thing anymore—I really think she just wants to get off so she can relax."

"And she won't let you touch her or help out or anything?"

"Well…" Cat hesitated and bit her lip, considering how much she should share. "She actually did let me try. I touched her down there for, like, a second—but then she got all scared and we had to stop."

Jade raised her eyebrows. "Oh, wow. I didn't realize it was that bad."

"But if she finds out you know that, she's gonna be really embarrassed, so please don't ever say anything," Cat said seriously. "I mean it, Jade. Okay?"

"Okay, okay, sure." At least the vibrator thing made more sense now.

"Well… did she say what kind she wants you to get?" Jade asked, looking at the items on the wall.

"Um, no." Cat hadn't even realized there was more than one kind.

"Okay, well… what do you think she'd like?" Jade questioned, trying to help. "When you guys lived together forever ago, did she have one? Do you know?"

"No," Cat replied, and then her eyes fell on an object on the wall at she corrected in realization, "Yes." She motioned to it. "She told me it was a neck massager."

Jade snorted with laughter. "Well, that answers that question." She pulled it off the hook and handed it to Cat. "That was easy. Should we go?"

Cat wasn't too sure. "What if she wants something different?"

"I think getting her the same kind as before is the best bet," Jade answered. "Why? You don't like that one?"

It was very big, with a long handle and a curved, rounded end. Cat had been picturing getting her something much smaller. "I don't know. It's not very sexy."

Jade chuckled. "You should be glad for the long handle. Maybe it'll be far enough away, and she'll let you hold it."

The suggestion sent Cat's heart racing—she hadn't even considered that. "You think so?"

Jade shrugged, concealing a smile. "It's up to her, obviously, but you could ask." She looked around. "Anyways, is that it? Are we done?"

"Yes. That's all," Cat replied, heading for the checkout counter.

"Are you sure? There's nothing else here you guys could use?" Jade suggested teasingly. "I mean, you gotta admit, it's kind of weird for a lesbian couple not to have any toys."

"I don't know what any of these things are," Cat mumbled, looking around awkwardly.

"Really? Sam's never mentioned anything?"

"Not really," Cat shrugged.

"Does she like strap-ons?"

"What does that mean?" Cat blushed a little.

Jade grabbed her arm and dragged her to the correct area of the store. "They're just dildos that you strap on with a harness. I get the feeling Sam would be into that."

She probably would—she had once told Cat she wished she had been born with a penis. And Cat thought the idea of her making love to her like that sounded extremely sexy. But she was unsure once she surveyed her options. "They're all really big."

They weren't. "You adjust to the size quick after a couple times," Jade told her.

Cat hesitated. "I don't know. I think Sam's too weak to have sex like that right now; it hurts her to move around too much."

Amused, Jade said, "She doesn't always have to literally top you, Cat. You could ride her, so she doesn't have to do all the work." She smirked and said, "You totally don't have to get one, but I strongly recommend that you do. You won't regret it."

"Has a girl ever used one on you?" Cat asked curiously.

"Uh, no, definitely not," Jade laughed, openly explaining, "I prefer topping, honestly. I've done it with a couple girls. And Beck."

Cat cringed. "Ew."

"Have you guys tried butt stuff?"

"Um, no. She's never really touched me back there before. Never for more than a second."

"Really?" Jade was surprised. "She's never even tried?"

"No," Cat answered, confused. "Why?"

"Oh, I just assumed she would've. She's, like, always looking at your ass," Jade chuckled. "Just… stay open-minded, okay? Now, are you gonna pick a dildo?"

After a long pause, Cat reached out and grabbed an adjustable black harness and a relatively small dildo with a slight upward curve. It was still several inches long, but was the smallest one she could find. She was nervous, but she knew Sam would take it slow with her.

Jade asked, "Is that the one you want?"

"Do you think she'll mind that it's purple?"

"Purple's fine. You probably don't want to get one that's totally realistic," Jade guessed with a smile.

Cat glanced at them and shuddered. They looked way too much like real penises and she didn't find them sexually attractive at all. "Yeah, you're right. Okay, this is good. Should we go?"

"Get some lube," Jade instructed.

Cat did. It was strawberry flavored.

Then Jade said, "Give me a sec." She crossed to a section of the store with items that Cat didn't recognize at all. Then she grabbed a pair of handcuffs off the wall and said, "Okay, let's go."

Cat looked at her quizzically.

Jade rolled her eyes. "I broke my last pair. You guys aren't really into that stuff, are you?"

"I… don't really know," Cat admitted. Would Sam enjoy her being bound with handcuffs? Maybe she'd ask her later. It sounded… interesting. "Let's just go. Sam's waiting for me at home."

Jade chuckled. "Okay, come on."