A/N: This fic contains potentially triggering subject matter including but not limited to: suicidal references, gun violence, sexual trauma, homelessness, drug abuse, depression, homophobia, and cancer. It may contain inaccuracies. No copyright infringement intended. Thanks for reading!

BOOK ONE - PART THREE - CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

Back from the mall, Cat knocked on Sam's bedroom door. She was nervous, but eager, clutching a black plastic bag with her purchases in it. "Sam, can I come in?" she called out. When she received no response after several seconds, she grabbed the door handle and slowly pushed the door open.

The room was empty, and the bathroom door was closed. Cat could hear water running inside. She set the bag down and was surprised to find her spare PearPad on the arm of the couch. It was displaying a paused video from a lesbian porn site, featuring an actress named Ariel Summers, who happened to bear a strong resemblance to Cat herself. Cat covered her mouth to stifle her giggles and resisted her urge to play the video.

Just then, Sam walked out of the bathroom, dressed in a pair of gray boxers and nothing else. Her hair was up with several messy strands hanging down, and her whole upper body was flushed. She was breathing heavily and looked surprised to see Cat there. "Oh. Hey…" Her eyes shifted over to the PearPad. She looked embarrassed. "Um… fuck. You weren't supposed to see that."

Cat was smiling teasingly. "I don't mind. Did it help?" She was strangely flattered by Sam's choice of pornography. But she hoped Sam didn't expect her to be exactly like that girl—her boobs and her butt weren't nearly as big as hers.

"Not really." Sam walked over and turned over the PearPad. "Did you get the thing?"

"Mm-hmm." Cat locked eyes with Sam. "You should take these off and go get in bed," she told her, tugging at the waistband of her boxers. "Just give me a couple minutes." She went into the bathroom and closed herself inside.

Sam stripped her boxers off, then went to the bed and slid in under the covers. The sheets were a bit damp with sweat from her repeated efforts. She hoped Cat wouldn't mind. She waited there for a few minutes until finally Cat emerged from the bathroom wearing nothing at all. Sam's mouth ran dry.

"Hey sexy," Cat greeted seductively. She could feel Sam's eyes on her as she moved around the room. She picked up the plastic bag from the store and brought it to the side of the bed. Then she crawled in next to Sam. They were both covered up to their waists. "Is this okay? Or would you rather do it alone?"

"Is it okay if I do it myself?" Sam asked almost shyly. "You don't have to leave—you can be here and, like, watch or whatever, but I don't feel up for having sex right now."

Cat was disappointed, but she understood and was grateful she wasn't being asked to leave. "Of course. Whatever makes you comfortable. Here." She reached down beside the bed and pulled out the vibrator she'd purchased, ripped it out of the packaging, and then handed it to Sam, hoping she'd be pleased.

She wasn't displeased, but she looked a bit sheepish. "Oh. Fuck. So… you figured out it wasn't a neck massager?"

"Don't worry, I had no idea back then," Cat assured her, giggling. "Is it okay? I wasn't sure what kind you wanted."

"No, this is great. Seriously; I've always preferred this kind. Um…" Sam searched around for a power button. She pressed it and the large item immediately sprung to life in her hands, startling both her and Cat a little. She quickly adjusted the dial to low. "Okay. Uh…"

There was an awkward pause between them.

"You can go ahead," Cat encouraged her. "Whenever you're ready."

Sam continued to lie there, motionless, so Cat decided to help her get started. "Kiss me?"

Sam didn't hesitate to lean in and capture Cat's lips. She kissed her deeply and slowly for a while, but they became more and more heated as the seconds passed. At one point, Sam bit Cat's lower lip a little too hard, and when Cat opened her mouth to yelp in surprise, Sam's tongue found its way in. They both moaned at the contact and continued that way for several minutes.

Eventually, Cat felt Sam's arm slip below the blanket and heard muffled buzzing noises. Sam inhaled sharply against her lips, and Cat was glad she was finally getting some relief. She continued kissing her, trying to pretend like she didn't notice. Sam's breathing was shaky, and she was having trouble focusing on the kiss, so Cat broke away from her lips and trailed a line of kisses along her jawline and down the side of her neck. "Does it feel good?" she murmured softly.

Sam's eyes rolled back, and she shuddered with pleasure. "Oh, my fucking—God, yes…"

Cat continued to pepper Sam's chest and right shoulder with kisses. "You're so sexy, Sam," she hummed. This was probably the most exciting thing she'd ever watched. It was extremely difficult not to reach down and touch herself.

Sam's eyes raked from Cat's head, down to her covered waist, and back up again. "Are you wet?"

Cat smirked and slipped her hand down beneath the blankets, then brought her first two fingers back up. They were covered in a slick, clear wetness. Sam immediately took her fingers into her mouth and sucked them clean. "Mmmmfuck. Why do you always taste like strawberries?"

Cat laughed. She wasn't surprised Sam was talking about food right now, but she was somewhat relieved it wasn't gravy this time. "I don't know. I don't think I do. It doesn't bother you, right?"

"Bother me?" Sam chuckled. "Just get me some whipped cream and chocolate syrup and I'll—" Her body tensed for a lingering second, but then she quickly relaxed again. "Oh fuck; I almost just came."

Cat moaned with excitement and her hand went down between her own legs. She couldn't help herself anymore. "Sam? Um, I know you said you wanted to do it yourself, but… would you maybe let me hold it for a few seconds?" Cat knew she shouldn't have asked—she had lost control. When she saw the look of discomfort on Sam's face, she immediately regretted it, and her stomach dropped. "No, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry; please ignore that. I'll back off." She sincerely hoped she hadn't just ruined everything.

But to Cat's surprise, Sam quietly said, "If you touch only the handle and take it slow, I'll let you try. But I might change my mind, and I need you to be okay with that. I'm… kinda nervous."

Cat cupped the side of Sam's face and kissed her softly. The fact that Sam was admitting she was nervous meant she must really trust her. "Just tell me if it's too much." Sam handed the vibrator to her. Cat wrapped her hand around the handle and kissed her again. Sam was barely breathing now and looked extremely anxious.

"Are you ready?"

"Just go," Sam practically whined, lifting her hips off the bed and chasing the toy. Cat moved the vibrator into place between her legs, and Sam gasped and ground herself against it. She could feel Cat hesitating, so she said, "Just hold it still right there. Just like that." Her eyes shut and her body began to tremble again. "Oh, fuck…"

Cat moaned with excitement, watching Sam's face—she didn't want to miss anything. She bit her lip and forced herself not to speak, trying to ignore the throbbing between her own legs.

"OhmyGod Cat…" Sam gasped desperately.

She had never said her name like that before. "You okay?" Cat whispered, kissing her neck and shoulder, careful not to stray to her left-hand side.

"Fuck yes," Sam said breathily. Under the covers, she spread her legs more widely and ground against the vibrator. Cat obliged her by using a little more pressure, and Sam moaned lowly in gratitude.

Cat was practically dripping. She finally understood what Sam meant about being satisfied just being the giver. She held the vibrator steady while Sam rocked herself against it. Within a minute, she was shaking and holding her breath. Cat almost asked if she was close, but Sam was concentrating with her eyes closed, her jaw clenched, and her eyebrows furrowed, trying to reach her peak, and Cat didn't want to distract her and ruin her progress. Instead, she moved in and nibbled on her earlobe, then trailed a line of kisses up behind her ear. The effect was immediate—Sam gasped and nearly lost it.