One day Arthur was going to learn that taking Merlin anywhere would always end up with one, or both of them, being in trouble. A fact that he always seemed to forget until that trouble arose, leaving the prince to kick himself while he dealt with the aftermath of whatever newest disaster fell on him and his servant.
That afternoon was one of those days, and the man was struggling to keep his composure. Glancing back at the horse that moved slowly behind him, Arthur stifled a sigh and turned in his saddle, pausing until the mare came to a stop directly behind him.
"Merlin." The prince spoke, his voice weary and annoyed as he waited for some sign of recognition from the boy that he'd heard him. When none was given, the blond scowled and leaned over, his hand shoving against his servant's arm as Merlin's head jerked up and confused eyes tried to settle on him.
"Wake up." Arthur commanded, jabbing a finger towards his friend's face. "And stay awake. I won't tell you again."
"I'm trying." Merlin promised, though the words were weak and sluggish. "I'm just so tired."
"I don't care." The royal muttered, turning back around in his saddle and urging his steed to continue on as he felt the rope that connected their horses bump against his leg. "I'm not picking you up off the ground again if you fall, so unless you want to spend the night in the woods by yourself, you'll stay awake."
A quiet mumble of obedience sounded from the boy, eliciting a pang of guilt in the prince for how harshly he'd spoken. It wasn't Merlin's fault, not entirely. At this point, bad luck just seemed to follow him wherever he went. But Arthur would be damned if he had to drag the boy back to the citadel one more time.
Leaning back and rolling his shoulders, Arthur felt the quiver of arrows shift uncomfortably against his spine as his eyes lifted to the sky. The day was beautiful and clear, and sunlight poured through the branches above and bathed the forest floor in radiant light.
It had been, in Arthur's opinion, the perfect day for a hunt. It had been some time since he'd last gone, and with how quiet and distant Merlin had been, the man had thought the outing would do them both some good. Obviously he'd been wrong.
"You're being quiet today." Arthur commented evenly, watching from his table while Merlin gathered his clothes together into a small basket.
"Am I?" The boy asked, not even looking up from his work as he spoke.
"You're really going to try and deny it?" Rolling his eyes, the prince reached for a sausage on his breakfast plate before he paused. Comments about his weight drifted through his mind, and Arthur quickly blinked them away before stabbing his fork into the meat and taking a large bite.
"Don't you normally complain when I talk too much? You should be relieved I've taken a break from it." The boy commented, carrying the basket to the door and setting it down before he turned and caught the blond's eye.
"There's a difference between talking and never shutting up, Merlin." Arthur uttered around his food before he swallowed and reached for his water. "You, however, only seem to have two settings. That whole never shutting up thing or being so quiet one might think you were mute. So out with it, why are you sulking?"
"Sulking?" The word came out with a snap, Merlin bristling at the term as he glared towards the royal before he was looking away to hide it. "I'm not sulking."
"Really? Because you've been this way for three days and you're still acting as though something has happened to upset you."
"I'm fine." The dismissal was hard and short, and the boy's movements were stiff and awkward. It didn't take a genius to know that Merlin was lying, but Arthur was out of ideas on how to get him to talk.
Looking away from his servant and turning his attention instead to the window, early morning light drifted through the glass and onto his desk as an idea struck the man. "Ready our horses, Merlin. I want to go hunting."
"Merlin!" Arthur snapped as he watched his servant teeter unsteadily on his horse before the boy was lifting his head and meeting the prince's stare with dazed blue eyes.
Merlin's face was pale and drawn, and his gaze seemed unable to focus on anything. More concerning, however, was the thin trail of blood that still dripped down the side of his face from the gash just above his right temple.
"It cannot be that difficult to keep your eyes open." Arthur scowled as the boy's shoulders slouched.
"I can't explain it.. My head it just.. it isn't right."
"Yes, you've said that already." The prince muttered, slowing his horse until the two were side by side. "I cannot do anything until we get back home. Gaius needs to take a look at you, which means you cannot fall asleep out here. You've hit your head too hard, and the last time that happened to one of my knights, he never recovered." Remembering the man, Arthur forced back a shudder.
The man had been struck hard from behind and collapsed on the field in front of him in the midst of training. Gaius had been tending to others in the Lower Town that day, but the knight had insisted that he was fine, that a day of rest was all he needed. He was never the same after that.
The way he spoke was jilted and strange, and he'd developed a bad habit of jerking his head every few seconds when someone spoke too loudly around him. Gaius had explained after that some injuries of the head could not be left alone, and that allowing someone to sleep during the first several hours of the injury could cause unsolvable problems later on. And the idea of that happening to Merlin, well..
"Just stay awake." Arthur muttered, pushing the boy's arm again until his servant's tired gaze found his.
"Doing my best." Merlin answered wearily as the two continued down the forest's path.
Arthur had begun to wonder if he should have brought the knights along with them. The day was beautiful, the weather perfect, and the game abundant. The company, however, was less than suitable.
Merlin had been quiet almost the whole time, not even bothering to make his snide remarks whenever the prince pushed him. The amount of game Arthur had managed to catch was a sign as well, as it was not lost on him that his servant often fumbled with things to purposely scare off the wildlife.
Pausing beneath a tree in a dense section of the forest, Arthur crouched with his bow and watched as a rabbit paused near a bush, its ears twitching back. Steadying his aim and releasing his breath, the man let loose an arrow just as the rabbit disappeared into the brush. Letting out a soft curse, Arthur stood and gestured towards the trees ahead of them.
"Go and see if I hit my mark. And if I didn't, retrieve my arrow." With nothing more than an obedient nod, Merlin set off, stepping carefully along the uneven ground while holding up the line of the rest of the small game they'd caught that morning.
Watching him disappear behind the trees, Arthur turned and stretched, closing his eyes and drawing in a deep breath of the fresh air. It smelled of earth and dew, and it was something he'd missed. Dropping his head and running his fingers along the back of his neck, Arthur was just tipping his head to the side in an effort to crack his neck when he heard a muffled yelp sound from the direction his servant had gone off in.
Feeling adrenaline spike through him, the prince didn't hesitate in bounding through the trees and into the brush, readying himself for the bandits he was sure had attacked. No bandits met him though. Instead, he spotted Merlin on his side on the ground with the line of game lying beside him.
Frowning, Arthur took a step closer only to pause when he caught sight of the boy's foot tangled up in a wire snare. Rolling his eyes, the prince shook his head as he strode forward.
"You really are completely useless, Merlin." He spoke, amusement lining his words as he glanced around for the rabbit he'd shot. "Come on, lying down on the job is beneath you." Arthur teased, bumping his foot against the boy who still hadn't stirred.
"Merlin?" He asked again, concern beginning to gnaw at him before a quiet groan sounded from the ground. "This is why you should look where you step." The prince remarked dryly, the worry fading as Merlin slowly sat up. "Are you going to lie there all day or are you going to free yourself and get moving?"
"My head.."
"What?"
"My head, it's not.. it's not right."
"Your head has never been right." Arthur muttered while Merlin lifted his chin. As he did, the blond's breath caught at the crimson that was smeared across the boy's forehead and trickling down his cheek.
Blue eyes stared back at him in a dazed fashion, as if he couldn't quite focus on the man, or anything else. "You're bleeding." Arthur said with a sigh, kneeling down next to his friend who had barely moved.
"I can't.. Arthur, I don't know how but.. my head—"
"Isn't right, yes, you've said."
"It feels strange like.. like I can't focus. My thoughts are all.. I don't even know." Merlin groaned, lowering his head as he did.
"Are you sure that happened just now?" It was a poor attempt at a joke, but then again Arthur wasn't even sure the boy had heard him. Sighing again, the prince reached out and began to remove the snare that had caught his friend's foot. "What did you even manage to hit your head on?"
"Not sure." Merlin mumbled, looking around him before finally gesturing to a large stone that was mostly hidden in the grass.
A small streak of blood was smeared across the surface, and Arthur nodded. "That would do it. Come on, you're untangled."
"I feel sick." The boy admitted quietly, and the prince was unsure if he'd meant it to be heard or not.
"You'll be fine, let's go." Grabbing hold of his friend's arm, Arthur hoisted the boy to his feet.
Grimacing, Merlin's head dropped, and his body swayed before he was falling against Arthur as the man hurried to steady the boy. "My head doesn't feel right."
"What does it feel like then, an arm? Or perhaps a leg?"
Merlin's eyes rolled, and Arthur pushed him off as the boy stood silently on his own for a moment. "It feels like my head has been stuffed full of cotton. And my thoughts.. it's like they're all a step behind me."
"That was already how you were, Merlin." Arthur teased dryly, watching him for a few tense seconds before turning and grabbing hold of the line with his game. "Come on, we might as well head back seeing as you've decided to injure yourself again."
"It's not like I did it on purpose." The boy grumbled as his eyes flickered shut.
"Of course not." Arthur muttered, taking a few steps away before looking back and finding the boy still standing where he was. "Hey." He called back, watching while Merlin's eyes pulled open with effort. "Let's go."
Nodding once, the boy followed the royal slowly back to where they'd left their horses, though his head stayed down, and his eyes closed occasionally as he ran his fingers over the trees that they passed. Arthur didn't complain however, despite how slowly they were moving. Something the boy had said wasn't sitting right with him, though he'd yet to discern what.
It had taken them nearly three times as long to get back to their horses, and riding had proven to be even worse, as Merlin couldn't go very fast without being sick. A fact that Arthur had unfortunately learned the hard way. So slowly they went, with the prince stopping every few minutes to be sure the boy was still awake.
"If we're going to spend the rest of our day meandering through the forest, I think the least you could do is offer up some decent conversation." Arthur grumbled as their horses walked along the path.
"Like what?" The weariness and discomfort that Merlin's voice held was unmistakable, but Arthur continued to push.
"How about what's had you in such a sour mood the last few days."
"I don't want to talk about that."
"So you admit that you have been in a mood?"
"Arthur.." Merlin's voice trailed off, and when the prince looked over he found the boy staring at his hands.
"Riveting conversation, Merlin. Thank you." While Arthur heaved a sigh, his friend's head tilted a fraction and his fingers tightened into fists.
"Do you think I'm a monster?"
Taken aback by the sudden question and the seriousness of Merlin's tone, Arthur was silent for a few seconds as he tried to wrap his mind around the inquiry. "What?"
"I asked if you thought I was a monster."
"I heard you the first time, Merlin. Why would you even ask such a thing?" Scoffing, but feeling a level of discomfort, Arthur shifted in his saddle. "You really are out of it. Forget what I said, silence might be better after all."
"I think sometimes I might be." The boy continued as if he hadn't even heard the prince. "I can pretend sometimes, but other times I can't help but wonder about how hated I am."
Confusion surged through the man as he stared openly at the dark haired servant. What could he possibly be hated for? What did he even mean? Trying to think back over the last couple of weeks, nothing came to Arthur's mind except for when Merlin mentioned his father. He'd told the prince that he'd never really known the man. Was that what this was about?
Sitting up straighter, Arthur locked his jaw and ground his teeth while his own hands tightened around the reins until his knuckles were white. "You're not hated." He finally spoke, trying to keep the embarrassment from such a statement from rising to his face. "Gaius cares for you, though God only knows why."
Glancing over, a weak smile sat on Merlin's lips, and the boy barely nodded. "I know. I just thought for one moment that.. maybe I'd found someone that understood.. and I.." Trailing off, the boy's head turned away and Arthur directed his attention to the trail in front of him.
What was that idiot going on about now? Flipping the boy's words over in his head for several moments, Arthur finally looked back to ask when he noticed the servant slumped over in his saddle.
"Merlin!" Reaching for his arm and shaking it hard, the boy jerked and sat up, hazy blue hues blinking rapidly before finding Arthur. "You need to stay awake." The prince snapped, his fingers digging into his friend's arm as Merlin nodded. Letting go and sitting up straight, Arthur scowled down at his lap. "You're not a monster, either." He spoke gruffly, his gaze flickering to the boy.
"How do you know?" The question was so soft that Arthur barely heard it.
"I just do." The royal answered, unable to force anything more out as he stared ahead again.
How could Merlin think of himself as a monster? Never once had he seen the boy be anything other than loyal and kind to others. What part of that warranted him as being a monster?
"Thank you." Merlin spoke up again, his voice just as soft as before, though the look of agony was gone from his face.
"Thank me when we get back to Gaius. Maybe he can find some reason as to why you've been attracting so many accidents lately." Arthur grumbled, shifting once again as the Lower Town came into view in front of them.
Neither of them spoke again as they made their way back to the citadel, and as two stable boys came to grab their horses and the game, the man noted that the boy had only grown paler. Merlin managed to dismount from his horse without trouble, but he stood beside his mare looking as though he'd forgotten what he was doing.
"Come on, Merlin." Arthur urged, grabbing at the boy's arm and tugging him towards the stairs.
"My head is still bleeding."
"I'm aware. That's why we're going to Gaius."
"Oh."
Glancing at him quizzically, Arthur shook his head and lead the boy back up to his home, not bothering to knock when they arrived and instead pushing open the door to immediately scan the room for the physician. Gaius stood over the hearth where he was stirring something in a large pot, and the elder barely glanced up when he saw the two of them waiting.
"Sire, I see you've returned. How was your hunting trip?" The question was posed in a distracted manner as the man went about his work, and Arthur realized belatedly that Merlin's injury was hidden from the elder's view.
"It went fine, up util Merlin caught himself in a snare and fell." As Gaius looked up at that, Arthur grabbed hold of his servant's shoulders and turned the boy until the bleeding cut could be seen.
"Oh, Merlin." The old man sighed, putting aside his spoon and stepping closer. "Come, sit down." He instructed, grabbing hold of the boy's wrist and guiding him to a bench nearby before grabbing a stool to sit in front of him.
"I can't take him anywhere it seems, not without him getting himself into trouble." The prince complained, folding his arms across his chest while he watched the physician begin to clean away the blood while Merlin winced.
"I'm right here, you know."
"Barely. Half the time you've been incoherent, and the other half you've been muttering nonsense."
"Incoherent?" Gaius repeated, concern lighting up his face as Arthur nodded.
"He kept trying to drift off while we were riding back as well." A quiet curse left the elder's lips at that before he was rising and fetching a candle.
Lighting it and bringing it back over, he stood in front of Merlin and tipped the boy's chin to look up at him. "Follow the light with your eyes, Merlin, but don't move your head."
Moving the candle from side to side at a slow pace, the boy's eyes tracked the movement. Arthur wasn't sure of the purpose behind what he was doing, but Gaius' face grew grim, and when he finally lowered the light it was with a sigh.
"I'm afraid you've managed to do significant damage this time, Merlin." The elder tutted, setting aside the candle and sitting down to resume treating the cut.
"Am I supposed to be this tired?" Merlin asked, leaned forward and pushing past Gaius' hands until the boy's head was leaning against his guardian's shoulder.
"Merlin, you mustn't fall asleep, do you hear me?" Gaius said firmly, grabbing hold of the boy's forearms and pushing him back. "I mean it, falling asleep too soon after a head injury such as this can cause damage that I cannot fix. Do you understand?"
Frowning, Merlin nodded, though he still looked as if he wanted to do nothing but collapse. "Good. Now let me finish cleaning your wound." Beginning to dab again at the edges of the cut, the physician's eyes glanced briefly at the prince. "You didn't happen to pass Guinevere on your way here, did you?"
"No, not that I recall. Why?" Arthur shook his head, stepping closer as the old man pulled away from the boy and eyed the now clean injury carefully.
"I've much to do today, but I don't wish to leave Merlin alone. I'd feel more comfortable if someone were here with him. But I've no idea where she is today, or what she might be doing."
"Merlin, wake up." Arthur cut in, reaching out and nudging the boy's shoulder as his eyes flew open again. "Do you want me to send someone to look for her? I believe she had the day off today, so she will likely be home."
Frowning, Gaius gestured to a satchel sitting on the table behind them. "I've deliveries to make in Merlin's stead, so there's no point in sending someone else when I'll be there myself. I will just have to trust him to stay awake until I can ask her for her time."
Glancing back at his servant, Arthur looked over the boy who was staring across the room in a daze. "I'll stay." Arthur's words were a surprise to them both, and the prince hurried to continue. "Until Guinevere arrives, I mean. Just to make sure the idiot doesn't damage himself further."
"I cannot ask that of you, Sire."
"It's alright, Gaius. You didn't ask, I offered, Besides, we have things to finish discussing, isn't that right Merlin?" Staring at his friend, the boy looked up before turning away, his hands tightening into fists on his lap.
"If you're certain." Gaius said uncertainly, rising from his stool and eyeing the two of them before he retrieved his bag and carefully pulled it over his shoulder. "She shouldn't be too long, but if you have any trouble, send someone for me right away."
"I will." Arthur nodded, watching as the elder glanced at the boy again before he was stepping out the door and pulling it shut behind him.
"You don't have to stay. I'll be fine." Merlin spoke before the blond could, and Arthur almost smiled at the way he was pushing for him to go.
"You act as though you don't want me here, Merlin."
"No, I just—"
"Want to avoid discussing what you brought up earlier? Because personally I am quite intrigued about a couple of things that you said." Amusement welled up in the prince at the discomfort that Merlin wore, and Arthur settled himself on the stool that the physician had vacated as he directed his full attention onto his friend.
"Arthur, it's not—"
"I've got two questions. First, why do you think you're a monster? You never did say."
"I'm not—"
"And second, who did you mean when you said you thought you found someone? Did you meet a girl? I didn't even know you knew how to speak to women." It was obvious he'd struck a nerve with the boy at that as Merlin's face hardened before he was glancing away. "Come on, Merlin. You might as well talk, it's not as if there's anything else to do."
"Am I not allowed to have secrets?" Merlin asked suddenly, intent blue eyes meeting the prince's as the man stared back in shock.
A great sadness filled the boy's face, and though his eyes were steeled, tears had begun to fill them. Arthur had never seen Merlin like this before. He didn't even know the boy was capable of being so serious.
"You are," The prince finally relented, though he kept his own tone somber. "But they take a toll on you."
"I'm aware." Merlin answered immediately, lowering his gaze and taking an interest in his boots.
"You act as though you've got some great secret, Merlin." The prince forced out a laugh with the statement, and a sense of unease grew when his friend didn't respond.
Why was he acting in such a manner? This was not the boy he knew; this wasn't Merlin. Or maybe this was just a side he hadn't seen. Just like those random bouts of wisdom that Arthur never expected, perhaps this was the same. It was strange though, how Merlin looked as if he carried the weight of the entire world on his shoulders.
The two sat in silence for several minutes while the stream of thoughts poured through the prince's head, the whole time neither of them moving nor making any attempt to speak. At this point, Arthur wasn't even sure what was going through the other's head. As for the prince, his mind had shifted back to the strange feeling he'd gotten back in the forest. The feeling that something wasn't quite right with Merlin, and that something hadn't been for some time.
He wasn't given long to ponder it though, as the door swung open moments later and Guinevere was hurrying inside, worry written across her kind face. "Merlin? Are you alright?" She asked, letting the door fall shut behind her before her eyes cut to Arthur as he stood. "My Lord." Gwen uttered respectfully, carefully directing her attention away from him.
"Guinevere."
"I'm alright, Gwen. Just tired is all." Merlin finally spoke, lifting his head and offering a weary smile to the girl.
Despite the exhaustion, Arthur noticed that all the trouble and the stress and the sadness had vanished from the boy's face. It had occurred so suddenly and so easily the man couldn't help but wonder if he'd imagined the expressions of suffering just moments before.
"Gaius told me that you mustn't sleep yet."
"I know." Merlin smirked, bobbing his head once before grimacing at the action.
"I should return, my father is sure to be wondering where I've gone. I suppose you'll be getting a day off after all, Merlin." Arthur commented, eyeing the boy whose expression shifted to one that was more guarded than before.
"I'll return as soon as I'm able."
"See to it that you do. Guinevere." Slipping past the maid with a curt nod and stepping out the door, the prince paused at the top of the stairwell as a frown pulled down his lips.
He'd considered asking Merlin about all the trouble he'd been getting into lately, but it didn't feel right with Gwen standing there. Perhaps he was thinking too much into it, but something felt wrong. Merlin was clumsy, but the past few months things had been far worse than usual. Was it possible that the boy had gotten mixed up in something dangerous?
Arthur's mind flickered to the tower, and then to the sorcerer. Hadn't Merlin claimed to have seen the Court Sorcerer some time back? Could they be trying to harm his servant?
Rolling his eyes to himself at the ridiculous notion, Arthur started down the stairs. Why would anyone have any reason to target Merlin of all people? The boy was probably just in too much of a rush to do things properly anymore, including watching out for himself. That's all this was, Arthur was certain of it.
A/N
I love a good bit of foreshadowing, don't you? I'm so excited to reach the end of season two, and I guarantee you, it's not for the reasons you might think!
Okay but also, guys, the episode with Freya BROKE MY FREAKING HEART. I don't usually cry over shows and stuff but DAMN it hit me in the feels. Merlin was willing to give up EVERYTHING for her and just. I can't. It's just so cute and so sad and UGH.
I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter, and if you feel inclined I would love to hear from you! Comments and reviews are literally my lifeblood. See you in the next one!