"One more time." Gaius said, his words deliberately slow and calm. Too calm, in Merlin's opinion.
"I was wondering, if in all of your studies, you knew of a way to mend his wing." Merlin repeated for the third time, trying to keep his impatience from creeping into his tone as he shifted from foot to foot.
The baby owl had fallen asleep in his hands, and the warlock's palms were beginning to sweat from the bird's heat. He wasn't sure if it was sick, or if more damage had been done to it than he'd first thought, but the sooner he got started on helping it the sooner it would feel better.
"No." Gaius said, blinking once and turning away, dragging a slow hand down his face as he began a hobbled trek towards the hearth.
"But Gaius, it needs help." The boy pled, following after his guardian as the old man sat heavily on one of his stools and turned to face his ward with a hard stare.
"Merlin, I am a physician, to humans. Why would I possibly know how to care for an owl?"
Wincing at the harsh tone, the warlock shrank back a fraction, pulling the bird closer as he did. Alright, so maybe he could've handled things differently, and maybe he shouldn't have burst into the tower in the middle of the night and woken Gaius from his sleep. And okay yes, perhaps shoving an injured owl into the elder's face as he had jolted awake in surprise wasn't the best approach when asking for help, but Merlin was desperate.
For weeks he'd been stuck in bed, dependent on others to take care of him, and his work, and his duties. This was finally his chance to care for something else, to show them all that he really was fine again.
"You don't have any books, any ideas, any potions?" Merlin's voice came out softer, begging the elder as he gently placed the owl on the table.
It hadn't stirred in some time, and he was beginning to worry. Back in the forest he'd managed to make the bird calm enough to allow him to pick it up with a quick and quiet spell, but it should have worn off by now. Which meant that if the creature was still as lethargic as it was, something was wrong.
Gaius stared at the boy for a moment, and the warlock held his breath as the physician's eyes drifted from him, to creature, and back again. Heaving a breath and letting his shoulders sag, Gaius pushed himself up and wandered over to a stack of books he'd had out recently, muttering to himself the whole time.
Hope fueled through Merlin, and the boy could barely keep himself from following after as Gaius looked through various titles before climbing the stairs with a soft, weary groan. In a few minutes the elder returned, setting down a thin book coated in dust.
"As I said, I don't have much to do with creatures, but this was given to me by an old friend many years ago, and perhaps it can be of help."
"Thank you, Gaius." Merlin grinned, turning the book around to face him and wiping off the dust in large streaks from the cover. It was written from old scraps of parchment, with detailed drawings of various birds.
"He was rather fond of fowls, spent all his free time studying them. It should have something in there about owls, and perhaps how to correct the wing." Gaius spoke as Merlin began to quickly flip through the old, yellowed pages, keeping one eye on his new feathered friend the whole time.
"Merlin, as admirable as it was to rescue it," Gaius began, his voice shifting dangerously close to that of the soothing, empathetic tone he often got when trying to console the boy. "There is a chance with how young it is that the wing is permanently damaged. There may be no fixing the creature, and therefore no saving it. It wouldn't be right to keep it alive in such a state, as I'm sure you know."
"It will be fine, Gaius. I know it will. I just need to find the right thing to help it." The boy declared with certainty, refusing to acknowledge the ache in his chest that said his guardian's words rang with truth. The physician didn't fight him on it, instead leaving the young warlock to work as he continued to flip through the book.
For the next couple of hours Merlin tried everything that he could find or think of. He carefully wrapped the wing, with the owl only screeching a couple of times in weak protest before settling down and letting the boy work. He attempted a mixture to feed it, though the creature refused to eat. Merlin even tried his hand at a simple healing spell, though for some reason it didn't seem to have an effect on the bird.
Finally, at some point, the warlock drifted off into a deep, dreamless sleep. He only knew after being startled awake by a sharp pain in his hand, the boy sitting up to find an old piece of parchment stuck to his face and a small drop of blood rolling down the side of his hand. Gaius had fallen back to sleep long ago, but the owl now stared up at him with bright eyes, its beak dotted in the same blood as his hand.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep." Merlin apologized softly, reaching out and carefully stroking its feathers while mopping up the blood with his finger.
It was still dark outside, but the warlock knew it had to be early morning, and it wouldn't be long before he had to go to Arthur and rouse the prince. Looking around at the books and scrolls cluttering the table however, a sense of despair filled the boy.
The owl still refused to eat or drink, and though it was awake, it had barely moved or made a sound. It wouldn't survive unless he figured out what was wrong with it. A broken wing he could hope to mend, but if something on the inside had been damaged from the fall, Merlin knew he wouldn't be able to fix that.
Sighing while dropping his head, the warlock stared at his hands where they rested on his lap. A small scar stretched from the inside of his palm along his arm towards his elbow, and his fingers brushed over it absently. He couldn't let the owl die, he just couldn't. But his magic wasn't strong enough, or at least the spell wasn't, and his book didn't have anything he could use.
Blinking once, Merlin jolted upright, startling the bird and causing it's bright eyes to follow him as he jumped up and began looking for the satchel he used when he collected herbs for Gaius. He didn't have the means to heal the bird, but he knew someone who did.
"Come on, we're going on a small trip." He spoke softly to the bird, slinging the satchel across his chest and shoulder while stuffing one of his tunics down inside before carefully scooping up the owl and depositing it inside.
The bird screeched in protest, but Merlin just stroked it again and walked quietly to the door before slipping out and into the hall. It was evident as he walked that the owl was not happy, it's screeching echoing through the citadel every few moments while the warlock hurried to quiet it each time.
He could have left the creature in the physician's tower, but he needed it with him if what he was trying to do was to succeed. Besides, what might happen to it if it were alone? It could fall and hurt itself, or get into something it shouldn't, and Merlin found that the longer he spent with the bird the more he wanted to protect it at all costs.
Pulling the satchel closer, the warlock followed the path that had become ingrained in his mind, barely paying attention as he rounded corners and strode down halls before climbing a set of winding stairs. Making his way into the sorcerer's tower, Merlin slid the bag over his head and carefully lowered it to the ground, flattening the fabric until the owl was staring out at him and the room in curiosity.
Backing away, the warlock removed the piece of flooring that hid the book and hefted it into his lap, placing the wood back and settling in as he began flipping through the pages. There was still a great deal he didn't understand, the language still foreign to him, but the spells seemed to be categorized by type, and as soon as he found the healing spell he'd been using for his burns, he paused on the next page.
It started in a similar way, but some of the words were longer and strange, words he hadn't tried before. Running his finger along one of the lines, Merlin carefully began sounding out the strange language, and started to feel the same rush running through him as before. The ancient magic of the old religion.
He recognized a few words here and there, such as 'healing' and 'return life' and that gave him hope that he was on the right path. Glancing at the bird that had closed its eyes and burrowed into the tunic that he'd lined the bag with, Merlin let out a soft breath. He just had to save it. He had to.
Reading over the words one final time, the boy steeled himself. He began slow, then began to recite the spell faster, feeling the power growing as he stared at the bird and clutched the book tightly.
"Þu fornimest þe arisan ealdu wearð feasceaft funden. Wel cene ealdaþ æ!"
The air grew thick as power fell heavily with his words, and for a moment he paused, stopping halfway through the spell. The tower had grown dark with shadows, the room had grown colder, and the owl that had been watching him when he began had started to shrink in on itself, it's feathers growing stiff and it's eyes glazing over.
Fear shot through Merlin, hand in hand with a weariness he hadn't expected. Reaching out, the boy touched two fingers gently to the bird's head and the owl jerked, life suddenly returning as it let out a screech and bit at his fingers.
"I'm just trying to help." Merlin sighed, gripping the book tighter as he pulled his hand away.
"Þu fornimest þe arisan ealdu wearð feasceaft funden. Wel cene ealdaþ æ! Hrðe þon eðian ige gestricaþ þis lic forod."
Reciting the spell from the beginning and finishing with an air of relief, the warlock felt the power in the room grow. The weariness he'd felt before faded away, and new life flowed into him. He felt more awake, rested, and strong.
Looking at the owl, panic was quick to wash away those new feelings. The creature had fallen over, its wing twitching weakly and its mouth partially open.
"No. No, no, no!" Merlin cried, the book falling from his hands as he hurried to scoop the bird up.
It's body barely moved, and a weak cry he could hardly hear left it and broke the boy's heart. Reaching for the spell book again, Merlin scanned the text frantically as realization struck him. Return life. That was some of what he'd understood. But it hadn't meant to the other person, it meant to the person reciting it. He'd stolen life from the owl. He'd taken it as his own.
Guilt and nausea washed over the warlock as he struggled to keep himself calm as the bird stopped moving entirely. He had to fix this. He had to fix this now. But how? He didn't know these spells; he couldn't even decipher the language.
But he knew his spells. What if he combined them? Wasn't that what the sorcerer had done in the beginning, wasn't that how he'd had such powerful magic?
Desperation tinged the boy's voice as he murmured softly to the dying creature, tears burning in his eyes as he glanced back to the book. He had to try. He couldn't just steal its life away.
Merlin began to utter the words again, but instead of the part about 'life returned' that he knew, he switched it with another spell, one much harder, one where the words 'life anew' had been.
"Þu fornimest þe arisan ealdu wearð feasceaft funden. Wel cene ealdaþ æ! Hrðe hæle þina þrowunga þon lic forod."
Merlin felt the power stronger than ever, and the world began to spin around him. The walls shifted and melted, and Merlin fell onto his back as he gasped for air. He couldn't speak, could barely even breathe, and spots of darkness washed over him.
The warlock couldn't even find the strength to life a finger, let alone check on the owl that had tumbled from his grasp when he fell. But it didn't matter. Everything was fading and drifting away, and soon Merlin was lost in the darkness, feeling as if his life were being drained away.
When Merlin woke it was to sun shining on his face and his back aching. He found himself sprawled in the middle of the sorcerer's tower, and his head was throbbing as if he'd downed three full barrels of ale the night before. What was he even doing in the tower? What had woken him?
Pushing himself up slowly the boy grimaced, his body sore and trembling and the ache in his head flaring as he heard someone shouting. Someone shouting for him. The night before began to return in pieces, and Merlin's head whipped around to look for the owl, only to see the bird nowhere in sight. Instead, the spell book lay open beside him, and his satchel a bit away from that.
The shout rang again, and he could hear the prince's irritation filling every letter of his name. Snatching hold of the bag and hearing the footsteps nearing, Merlin hurried to shove the book beneath the tunic inside of it.
The sudden movement had caused new pains to shoot through his body, and he had begun to sweat, his skin too warm to the touch and his hands trembling as he covered the book quickly. What had he done? What had happened?
"Merlin! If you're here trying to hide out I swear—" Arthur's words cut off as he shoved the door open and met the boy with an infuriated glare. "Ah ha! There you are, you ridiculous, lazy servant! I returned to my chambers far later than you, yet I managed to wake up hours ago! Where have you been? My breakfast was late, and now it's nearly time for lunch and you're still lazing about! What have you got to say for yourself?"
The prince was ranting, but Merlin could hardly register it, as the boy was fairly certain he was moments away from throwing up his dinner from the night before. He could barely keep his eyes open from the pain in his head, and Arthur's shouting was like daggers stabbing into his brain.
"Are you even listening to me? What is wrong with you?" Arthur demanded, striding forward and crouching in front of the boy, snapping his fingers in his face and causing the warlock to grimace.
"Arthur.. please.." The boy moaned, his head falling as the prince paused.
"Merlin, what happened? Are you alright?" The change in the man's tone was immediate, concern laced through his words as the royal stretched out his hand and grasped the warlock's shoulder.
As soon as he did, a screech filled the air and Merlin lifted his head in time to see a small, fluffy bird come swooping—or rather falling—towards them. It flew unsteadily, one of it's wings still partially wrapped in torn rags, but the white and grey feathers were unmistakable. The owl lunged straight for the prince, landing with sharp talons on the royal's hand as Arthur yanked back with a pained cry, causing the bird to fall into Merlin's lap.
"What the hell is wrong with that thing?" The prince yelled, staring wide eyed as the creature quickly righted itself and jumped onto the warlock's knee, screeching once again at the blond. "Merlin, that bloody bird just attacked me." Arthur scowled, looking back to his servant as the boy's eyes shifted to the owl.
"It's alright." Merlin whispered, stroking the creature's feathers gently.
"I thought the damn thing broke its wing, how is it even flying?" Arthur grumbled, dabbing at the bloody scratches across the top of his hand as the boy's head jerked up and he began to stammer.
"Oh, well, it wasn't that. I mean it wasn't like we thought. It wasn't bad, he just needed to rest."
"He?" Arthur repeated, eyeing the boy suspiciously as Merlin glanced at the owl.
Intelligent eyes looked back at him, and the boy was struck by an odd feeling. The bird was protecting him. It had viewed Arthur as a threat to the warlock and had acted in his defense.
"Yes, he." Merlin said absently, still holding the owl's stare.
"Great, you've bonded with the damn thing. What did I tell you? You cannot keep that thing as a pet."
"He's not a pet." The warlock muttered immediately, finally looking back up at the royal.
"Oh? Well then what is it?"
A guardian and a friend.
The thought flitted through Merlin's mind so quickly he almost spoke it aloud, instead he swallowed and dropped his head again, feeling another wave of dizziness and nausea rush through him.
"Whatever. It doesn't matter. But if it attacks me again while I try to help you then the fall it suffered will be the last of its concerns." Arthur scowled again, beginning to lean forward only to stop at an angry screech as the owl fluffed up its feathers in a threatening manner.
"Stop, it's alright." Merlin mumbled, squinting through the pain in his head as he brushed the bird's feathers down. "He's my friend."
The words were so soft he doubted the creature could hear him, but the owl's head immediately turned until its eyes locked with his before it settled down and hopped off his lap.
"That thing acts as if it's a guard dog." The blond scoffed, gripping one of Merlin's arms and pulling the boy up. As soon as the warlock was on his feet the world started to spin again, and the boy fell against his friend as the prince hurried to steady him. "Have you been awake all night?" The royal asked him in shock, waiting for the warlock to steady himself before he reached for the satchel.
Fear raced through Merlin as the boy lunged forward, practically ripping the bag hiding the sorcerer's spell book from the prince's hands as Arthur stared at him with wide eyes. "I just.. I'm worried for him." Merlin quickly fumbled for an answer, glancing at where the owl sat perched on the ground with its eyes fixed firmly on the warlock.
"If it can fly again there's no need for concern, set it free and let it go back to the forest." The man frowned as Merlin slung the bag over his shoulder and took a haggard step towards the owl.
Before he could bend to pick it up, the owl jumped and fluttered its wings, struggling to gain momentum before it landed in the boy's outstretched palm. "He's still too young to fend for himself, Arthur." Merlin said as he opened the bag and gently set the creature inside.
"All of this over a stupid bird. Fine. But you'd better be on time tomorrow." Arthur half shouted, jabbing a finger in the boy's face.
"You don't want me to do anything today?" Merlin arched a brow as the royal scoffed, turning his back and striding out the door.
"Not with you looking half dead. But rest while you can, Merlin, because I'll have plenty for you to do come morning."
Looking wearily into the satchel once the prince left, Merlin watched while the owl pecked at one of its wings, seemingly content now to be inside the bag. Making his way slowly and weakly back through the citadel, the warlock finally reached his home and shoved open the physician's door.
His legs were shaking as he stepped through doorway, catching his guardian's attention as Gaius glanced up from his work. "There you are, Arthur was looking for you earlier. Tell me you haven't been up with that bird all night." The elder chided, putting down a tome he held and eyeing his ward as Merlin pushed the door closed and sagged heavily against it.
What little energy he'd had was spent getting home, and even the thought of taking another step made him ill. "Merlin? Are you alright? You're quite pale." Standing and making his way over to the boy, Gaius had barely placed a hand on his shoulder when Merlin felt his legs giving out beneath him. "Merlin?"
"Gaius.. I think something's wrong.." The warlock mumbled as his knees hit the ground, barely being stopped before his face hit the floor only by his guardian holding him up.
"Your skin is burning, how long have you had a fever?"
"Not sure. I think.." Swallowing once, Merlin looked up and tried to focus his swimming vision on the elder. He didn't want to admit what he'd done, but something was wrong, really wrong, and he needed help. "I think the spell I used did something. Something bad."
"A spell?" Gaius frowned, beginning to pull the satchel free and staring at the bird sitting inside. "Merlin—"
"Please, I want to lie down." Dropping his head, the boy closed his eyes as he heard the man above him sigh.
"Alright, come on, try to stand."
With the help of the physician half leading and half dragging, Merlin stumbled his way across the room and up the steps until he collapsed onto his bed. Everything spun around him as he stared at his ceiling, barely even noticing as Gaius pulled off his boots and lifted his legs onto his bed.
"Merlin, I need you to tell me what happened. What spell did you do that caused this?"
Biting back a wave of nausea, the young warlock closed his eyes tightly and barely shook his head. "Just.. a spell from a book."
"None of the spells in your book should have side effects such as these."
Merlin could hear the frown in his mentor's voice, and for a moment the warlock wondered where everything had gone so wrong. When had he found it so easy to lie to the man that was like his father? When had he started to keep such large secrets that it had begun to eat away at him, and at their relationship?
"My bag.." Merlin mumbled, opening his eyes a fraction and pointing a weak finger towards the satchel.
The owl had since flown over to his open wardrobe, perching on the edge of a shelf and watching the two of them with interest as Gaius bent over to retrieve the bag he'd previously dropped.
"All that is in here is your tunic."
"Underneath." The warlock could no longer look at him, he barely even dared to breath as fabric rustled and he heard the elder inhale sharply.
"Where did you get this?" The physician asked quietly, and Merlin closed his eyes again. "Merlin, where—"
"Does it matter?" He asked weakly, shaking his head and feeling his hair ruffle against his pillow. "I used a spell that I found inside. One similar to what I've been using to heal my burns."
"That's why you were healing so quickly.." Gaius trailed off, and Merlin could only nod, his chest burning with each labored breath. He wanted to give in to the darkness weighing him down, wanted to sleep for hours and pray the fever would be gone when he awoke, but he had to tell him the truth.
"I don't know what language it's in, and at first it seemed like.. like the spell I used was stealing the owl's life away." Merlin spoke, his voice breaking as his fingers curled into the blankets beneath him. "I almost killed him, Gaius. I couldn't.. I couldn't just let him die; I couldn't take his life for my own. So I.. I changed the words. I knew a couple of them, and I replaced them with words I did know, and—"
"You changed the spell? Of all the reckless, stupid things to do, Merlin! Do you have any idea how dangerous that is?" Gaius roared, making the warlock wince as the volume pierced through his aching head.
"I do now." He whispered, finally meeting the physician's eye. "I just wanted to help him." Merlin murmured, feeling the tears filling his eyes as his vision swam.
Gaius' expression softened at that, and the elder sat heavily on the edge of the boy's bed. "What spell did you use?"
"Near the middle, the page is marked." The warlock mumbled, watching while the elder flipped through before he stopped him at the correct page.
Reading through it briefly, Gaius' entire body stiffened, his fingers tightening around the edges of the journal. "You said you were taking the bird's life force?" Merlin nodded and Gaius slowly closed the book. "And what words did you replace, exactly?"
"I'm not sure, really. The first spell, it had a bit about life returning. I switched that with.. with life anew."
Dropping the book into his lap, Gaius lifted his hands and ran them down his face while an exasperated breath puffed out of him. "Do you have any idea what you've done?" He asked quietly, no longer looking at the boy but at the small owl still intently watching them. Blinking a couple of times, Merlin moved his gaze sluggishly to the creature as well.
"You gave that bird a piece of your own life, Merlin." Gaius said when the warlock failed to respond. "You took a powerful spell, one you had no reason to be using, and you changed it. You ripped a piece of your own soul off and shared it with that creature." Turning to face his ward, the physician looked wearier, and angrier, than Merlin had ever seen before. "That owl is connected to you now. And I don't know what that will do to you or to it."
Sucking in a short breath and feeling pain shudder through his body, Merlin barely shook his head. "Gaius—"
"Tell me something, Merlin. And do not lie to me. Where exactly did you get this spell book?"
Swallowing down his guilt and pain, the warlock tried to focus through the darkness creeping into the edges of his vision. "The old court sorcerer." He croaked, watching his guardian's eyes widen. "Arthur and I.. we found his old tower. His things. I found it there. It was the only thing he.. he didn't take back after.. after I met him.."
"You spoke to him?" Gaius looked terrified, half rising in disbelief as Merlin's head fell to one side.
The owl screeched in concern, but the boy could barely hear it, his eyes drifting shut against his will. "I'm sorry, Gaius.." He mumbled, his words slurring with sleep as the darkness finally succeeded in pulling him under. "I'm sorry.."
A/N
I was feeling overly emotional while writing this and I may or may not have made it so that owl would live forever. YAY NEW FRIENDS! But also, Gaius is SO pissed, and I can't wait to explore that!
Thank you for all of your kind comments on my last chapter, I'm so grateful that you're all still so invested, and that I've recently gotten so many new readers! I hope that you're all enjoying the ride, because I know I am!
We have one last chapter before getting into season three, so feel free to leave any comments, questions, or concerns! I'll see you guys in the final part of this arc!