CHAPTER 8

The Confession

A few weeks later, The band's practice space was full of the usual chaos: the echoing thrum of bass, the wild energy of drums, and the familiar buzz of amps. Eli had lost himself in the music again, the steady rhythm a welcome distraction. It was the only place he felt anchored, where Adam's memory wasn't so suffocating.

As Eli played, the notes seemed to slip from his fingers as if they were just as uncertain as his own emotions. The band was in the middle of rehearsing one of their old songs, but Eli wasn't all there. His mind kept drifting back to that night. To the confusion. The longing. The vulnerability he'd seen in Clare's eyes.

He barely registered the door opening, the clatter of footsteps growing closer until a soft voice interrupted his thoughts.

"Eli?"

His heart skipped a beat, and he turned to see Clare standing in the doorway, her figure framed by the dim light from the hallway. She looked hesitant, her shoulders stiff, as though she wasn't sure whether she belonged there anymore. She hadn't reached out to him in all this time. Neither did he. And there she was standing like he had conjured her up out of his imagination.

The moment their eyes met, Eli's breath caught. She looked different, her face slightly more drawn, hair a little longer, but there was a quiet intensity in her eyes, a nervousness that he didn't quite understand. She took a few tentative steps inside, her gaze flicking briefly to the band before landing back on Eli.

"Clare?" Eli said, his voice hoarse, unsure of what to say. "You, uh... you're here."

Clare managed a weak smile, but it didn't reach her eyes. She was holding something in her hands, an envelope. He couldn't quite place it, but something about her posture, the way she was clutching it, told him this wasn't a casual visit. This was serious.

"Can we talk?" Her voice trembled slightly, and Eli could feel the weight of her words before she even spoke them.

"Yeah," he said, setting his guitar down quickly, trying to swallow the lump in his throat. The rest of the band was already gathering their things, sensing the need for privacy, and one by one, they slipped out of the room, leaving Eli and Clare alone.

Clare moved into the room a little more, shifting awkwardly on her feet, and Eli stood frozen, his heart racing. What was this? Why was she here?

"I didn't mean to interrupt," she said softly, her voice carrying that familiar tenderness, but there was an uncertainty beneath it.

Eli swallowed hard, running a hand through his hair, unsure of how to respond. He felt the weight of all their unfinished conversations, the words that had been left unsaid hanging between them like a fog. His pulse raced, and his throat tightened. "No, you're—" he faltered, "you're not interrupting. We're doing a charity thing, but uh we're done for the day…"

"Oh, right, yeah. The charity thing. Yeah, Alli mentioned it." Clare nods. The only reason she knew where to find Eli.

Then there was silence for a while until Eli spoke up.

"Clare, you—you've been... I mean, I didn't hear from you, and I—" He stopped himself, unsure of how to finish the thought. It felt selfish, given everything that had happened.

Her face softened slightly, and she took a deep breath. "I'm sorry," she said quietly. "I didn't mean to leave things like that." She glanced away as if the words were suddenly too much. "I've just been... trying to figure everything out. It's a lot."

He listened.

"I—" Clare started after a moment, but she stopped herself, taking a breath before continuing. "I've been thinking a lot about everything. About... us." Her voice faltered as she glanced at him. "And I need to tell you something."

Eli's heart skipped again, his mind racing with possibilities.

She stopped in the middle of the room. When she spoke again, her voice trembled.

"I'm pregnant."

Eli froze, his mind going completely blank as her words hit him like a thunderclap. He blinked a few times, trying to process what she had just said. His heart thudded loudly in his ears, and for a moment, he wasn't sure if he had even heard her correctly.

"What?" he managed to ask, his voice rough with shock. "You're—"

Clare cut him off, her hands twisting together in front of her as if she were trying to keep herself from falling apart. "I found out a couple of weeks ago. I've been...processing it, trying to figure out what I want, what I'm supposed to do." She paused, her eyes flicking up to meet his.

Finally, he managed to speak, though his voice was barely above a whisper. "You're sure?" He almost didn't want to ask, as if the answer would somehow change everything.

Clare nodded, her eyes never leaving his. "Yeah. I'm sure." Stepping forward she handed him the envelope. Eli took it. He opened it and there was an ultrasound.

Eli stood there, trying to process, trying to breathe, trying to make sense of the sudden chaos in his mind. The air in the room felt too thick like he couldn't get enough oxygen. His heart was still racing, and his thoughts were colliding, each one fighting to make itself known.

"I... I don't know what to say, Clare," he finally managed, his voice cracking. "I never thought— I didn't think—"

Clare shook her head, cutting him off before he could continue. "You don't have to say anything, Eli. I don't need you to say anything." Her words were soft, but there was an edge to them, something that cut through the space between them. "I don't expect you to be involved if you don't want to be."

Eli's throat tightened, and his stomach churned with a mixture of guilt and fear. He wasn't prepared for this. He hadn't been ready for anything in his life, and this... this was the last thing he thought he'd have to face.

"I want to be involved," Eli blurted, the words coming out before he could stop them. "I do. I want to be there for you. For the baby." He paused, running a shaky hand through his hair. "I don't know how to be a father." His voice wavered, filled with uncertainty. "But I won't walk away. Not from you. Not from this."

Clare's expression softened, but there was still a hesitance there. "I don't want you to feel like you have to, Eli. I—" She shook her head, tears welling up in her eyes. "But I'm scared. I don't know what I'm doing, Trust me I don't know how to be a mother. I don't know if I can do it alone, but I don't want to make you feel like you have to."

Eli moved closer, his heart aching as he watched her fight to hold herself together. "You're not doing this alone," he said, his voice firm now, determined. "We'll figure it out. Together."

Clare wiped her eyes quickly, her face crumbling for just a moment before she regained her composure. "You don't have to pretend to be strong for me," she said, her voice thick with emotion. "I just needed to hear you say that."

Eli swallowed hard, stepping toward her, suddenly realizing how much he wanted to hold her, to reassure her, to let her know she wasn't alone in this. His hand reached out hesitantly, brushing against hers, and when she didn't pull away, he took it in his, gently pulling her into a soft embrace.

"I'm not going anywhere" Eli murmured into her hair, his voice quieter now.

Clare nodded, her face buried against his shoulder.

She hesitated, for a moment, her hands trembling slightly as she clasped them together once she pulled away from the embrace, "And your drinking..."

The words landed like a physical blow, and Eli flinched, his jaw tightening. "What are you talking about?" he asked, his tone

"Don't act like you don't know what I mean. Eli, I know. The guys know, we all do... You've been drinking more and more, as much as I tried to ignore Alli when she'd tell me, I know. I knew then and I know now."

Eli scoffed, shaking his head as he crossed his arms. "Clare, I have a couple of drinks to… unwind—big deal. Everyone does."

"It is a big deal! It was part of the reason we didn't work out," Clare's voice rose, echoing slightly in the small room. "You don't stop at 'a couple,' Eli. And it's not just about you anymore. It's about the baby."

Eli froze, the mention of the baby hitting him like a punch to the gut. He opened his mouth to argue, but Clare cut him off before he could speak.

"I can't have you around the baby if this is how you're going to be. I need to know you're in control, that I can trust you to be safe."

"Safe?" Eli repeated, his voice low and incredulous. He stepped away from the console, his hands clenched into fists at his sides. "You think I'd hurt my own kid?"

"No... I don't know, but I can't risk it. I won't risk it."

Eli stopped pacing and turned to face her, his expression a mix of anger and hurt. "So what? You're just going to shut me out? Keep me away from my own kid?"

Clare's shoulders sagged, and for a moment, her resolve wavered. "I don't want to do that," she said softly. "But if you won't get help—if you won't even try—I won't have a choice."

Eli stared at her, his chest rising and falling as he struggled to process her words. The studio felt too small, too suffocating, and the familiar comfort of the soundboard and guitars seemed to mock him.

"Do you know how hard this is for me?" he said finally, his voice raw. "Do you think I like feeling this way? Like I'm drowning every day? The drinking—it's the only thing that makes it stop for a while."

Clare's heart ached at his confession, but she didn't let herself soften. "Then you need to find another way, Eli," she said firmly. "Because this? This isn't working. It's only making things worse."

Eli shook his head, his hands trembling as he leaned back against the console. "I don't know if I can fix this," he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper.

"You can," Clare said, stepping closer. "But you have to want to. You have to fight for it—for me, for the baby, for yourself. I can't do it for you."

For a long moment, Eli didn't respond. He stared down at the floor, his shoulders slumped, his breathing uneven. Clare watched him, her heart pounding, waiting for some sign that her words were getting through.

Finally, Eli looked up, his dark eyes meeting hers. "And if I don't?"

Clare's throat tightened, but she forced herself to speak. "If you don't," she said quietly, "then I can't let you be a part of their life. I won't have you putting them in danger—not even unintentionally."

Eli flinched as though she'd slapped him, and the room fell into a heavy silence.

"I'll try," he said finally, his voice breaking. "I don't know how, but I'll try."

Clare nodded, tears spilling down her cheeks. "That's all I'm asking, Eli. Just try."

Eli turned away, his hands gripping the edge of the console as he stared at the blinking lights. Clare stayed where she was, watching him, her heart breaking even as a flicker of hope began to grow.

She knew this wasn't the end of the fight—not even close. But for now, it was a start. And that had to be enough.