Chapter 51: Username

Seeing the small glimmer of lights shimmering around Emilia, YN knew she was doing her nightly routine of talking with the microspirits. Reaching the gazebo the two were under, he slumped over the railing, exhausted from his sprinting. Scaring away the twinkling lights that were around Emilia, the two were also surprised to see the YN so suddenly show up.

Emilia: Oh! YN! Did you see the spirits and decide to come running?

YN: *Huff* Not, *Huff* exactly.

Catching his breath YN pointed over to Subaru.

YN: I need to borrow him.

Surprised to hear he was the subject of this sudden encounter, Subaru protested.

Subaru: Just when I finally get some alone time with Emilia-tan I'm being ripped away! I refuse!

Crossing his arms in a pout, Subaru turned away.

Emilia: Umm, maybe I can help?

Shaking his head, YN answered, determination on his mind.

YN: Sorry, but I need him.

Subaru: You've got another thing coming if you think you can steal me away from Emilia-tan, especially coming from someone who actually gets to spend time with—

YN: Help me and you won't have to eat Ram's steamed tatoes for dinner tonight.

Giving a look of weakness to Emilia, Subaru slumped his shoulders and gave in.

Subaru: Fine. But can we maybe make it quick?

YN: No promises on that, but I will make do on my end.

Giving Emilia a small wave, Subaru bid her adieu.

Subaru: Sorry, Emilia-tan. But it sounds like I'm desperately needed elsewhere.

Surprised to see him leave so soon, Emilia jumbled over her words.

Emilia: Ah-eh, wha? Umm... Maybe I could come along? And what's that about Ram cooking? Where's Rem going to be...? She's the one who normally cooks...

Wanting to follow, YN had to give a weak wave to her as well.

YN: I'm really sorry Emilia, but since you're kind of out of the loop, I'm afraid I have to decline.

Seeing the look of sadness on her face, YN felt a pang of guilt. Putting his hands together, he pleaded to the girl to not feel so sad.

YN: I had some hiccups in my plan and I really need everything to stay a secret as much as I can, so the fewer people who know, the better. I promise I'll make it up to you for stealing away Subaru.

Seeing the half elf's expression slightly improve, she still had the same sadness in her eyes. Nodding, she agreed.

Emilia: Alright, it's a promise.

YN: Thank you!

Speed walking back up to the mansion across the lawn, the evening sun was starting to turn the sky a hue of yellow. Well out of earshot of Emilia, Subaru grunted in complaint.

Subaru: Just when Puck decided to go to bed early too... You really better be in dire straits to take me away from prime time with my Emilia-tan.

YN: I can promise you, I wouldn't do this unless I absolutely had to.

Arriving into the kitchen, Subaru first commented on how clean it looked inside while heading to the sink to wash his hands, but instantly recognized the one pot that was clearly in use and out of place. Opening the lid to YN's protest, Subaru furrowed his brow at the odd mixture inside.

Subaru: Uhh, are you sure you aren't making curry? Because that looks like curry.

YN: Wh-What?! What do you mean 'curry?!' That clearly looks like spaghetti— hey!

Setting the lid back down while grabbing his gut, Subaru laughed at YN's attempt at cooking. Wiping a tear from his eye, he formed words between his laugh.

Subaru: I have no idea how it got so orange, but that has to be one awful spaghetti sauce.

YN: It's not my fault the right spices that exist in this world are the wrong color! Just try it already, a portion of this what you're getting anyway as payment.

Trying some by flat out dipping his finger in the sauce and trying some, Subaru instantly seemed to give his seal of approval.

Subaru: That's not bad at all, really. Shame about the color though.

YN: Would you give it a rest? The color doesn't matter.

Setting the lid back on the pot, he put his hand on his chin.

Subaru: You seem to have everything under control here, what exactly did you need help with?

Sighing, YN didn't know if he should tell him at this point. Scratching his head, YN confessed his error.

YN: I may have forgotten to buy the noodles...

Lifting a brow to what YN said, he continued.

YN: —And I remember you saying something along the lines of you doing a lot of cooking and food making with your family, so I was hoping that making noodles might have been one of those things.

Crossing his arms, Subaru gave YN a sympathetic look.

Subaru: Sorry, but I've never made spaghetti noodles before.

Sighing at the bad news, YN lamented.

YN: Well, in that case, I guess you can go back to Emilia and I'll try and—

Subaru: I never said I didn't know how to make noodles though.

YN: Huh?

Hearing the good news, Subaru's expression changed to a weak smile.

Subaru: My family and I, we made noodles once or twice before... Just not spaghetti noodles.

Confused on what he meant, YN sought more clarification.

YN: What kind then?

Remembering that noodles came in many different styles, YN hoped it was something similar at the very least.

Subaru: Well, would Udon work?

YN: Yeah...

Subaru: Well, you're in luck then, because that's the only kind we ever made!

Boldly proclaiming his skill, Subaru dashed around the kitchen gathering what he needed.

Subaru: Thankfully all we really need is flour, some salt, and water.

YN: That's it?

Handing YN a bowl with the three ingredients, Subaru explained further.

Subaru: The hard part comes after this.

With each going about mixing, YN thought to keep the conversation going, if only to avoid an awkward silence.

YN: So uhh, you used to cook with your family often then?

Nodding as he fondly remembered those he'd left behind, Subaru elaborated.

Subaru: Yeah, we did. Pretty much all the time since I quit going to school. My dad liked making a big thing out of breakfast before going out to work, and my mom liked making dinner for all of us, but we usually ended up helping a lot.

Hearing one thing that caught his attention, YN brought it up.

YN: Did you drop out? From school I mean.

Giving YN a slightly guilty look, he went about mixing his bowl a little more determined.

Subaru: Yeah... I just quit going altogether one day, it was a gradual thing though. I really didn't have any friends and I just hated the stress of the lessons.

YN: And your folks didn't make you go?

Shaking his head, his stirring got slower again.

Subaru: No... I wish they maybe would have pushed me a bit more. Right before coming here, to this world, my sleep schedule was all messed up. It was just spiraling more and more out of control. I was practically nocturnal.

YN: What did you do all day if you didn't go to school? Video games? Anime?

Knowing Subaru seemingly had similar interests of his own, YN had never directly asked him before.

Subaru: Oh yeah. Those things or browsing certain anonymous image boards.

Having thoroughly mixed their bowls, Subaru handed YN a rolling pin, and instructed him on the proper kneading technique.

Subaru: This is the hard part, it's going to take a lot of this to get them as smooth as we need.

Going back to the previous discussion, YN inquired more.

YN: Do you miss your old life at all?

Rotating his dough lump, Subaru answered.

Subaru: I would say I miss my parents more than anything. I never got to say goodbye... I really hope they aren't worried. No, what am I saying? I know they're worried. It really makes me feel guilty sometimes...

Telling he was really bringing the mood down, Subaru shook his head, trying to throw the sad thoughts off his mind.

Subaru: Enough about me, this isn't a therapy session. What about you?

Someone shocked he was being asked about his personal life, YN didn't really know how to respond.

YN: I—, I mean, yes. I had parents, a few people who might fit the definition of a friend.

Somewhat blunt and generic with his explanation, Subaru pried more.

Subaru: And do you miss them? It seems like sometimes you couldn't be happier you're here and not back home.

Rolling his dough around more trying to copy Subaru, YN elaborated his point further.

YN: I just really struggled to find any meaning in the old world... It felt like no matter what I tried I couldn't get ahead, and then I'd realize, 'What's the point?' Everything just eventually became shallow, that's the best way I can describe it. My hobbies didn't interest me anymore, I was so sick of it all I took that 'job' on a whim and drove what felt like halfway across the world only to end up teleporting here... But I've officially considered this place as home now, that's why I can't call the old world 'home' like you can.

Looking down at his roller going across the dough, YN fondly thought of the one he was making this for.

YN: Besides, I have Rem now, I have a place of importance here, and I can finally for once in my life say I have something to wake up for. I wouldn't go back even if I was offered.

Subaru: Well, I can't fault for how you really feel. I think I understand what you're coming from. But aren't you a bit concerned with how everyone you left behind might feel?

With all he could do is shrug, YN hadn't a clue how he could respond in a way to justify his own feelings.

YN: There's really only one person I'd feel guilty about just ghosting... I had an online friend at one point... And I think he was going through something sort of like what you are, but I never asked him about it. I met 'em on a forum of all places. It was one for this video game.

Laughing suddenly, YN remembered the circumstances in which he'd come into contact with that person.

YN: He was really mad at this one mechanic in the game, and he was kind of justified in my opinion, I'd been screwed over by it once or twice too.

Happy to have the conversation off the subject of family, Subaru inquired more.

Subaru: Oh yeah? What game?

Repeating the name to Subaru, he nodded at its familiarity.

Subaru: I got a lot of hours in that game. What part of the game was he getting mad?

Describing the post, YN laughed more as Subaru grabbed a knife and began to fold the thinned dough and cut it into thinner strips, finally resembling noodles. Following Subaru's example, YN did the same.

YN: —and he was getting destroyed in the replies. A lot of people telling him to 'get good' or saying it was his fault for not doing something right. I was the only person who kind of defended him and said I agreed. That's what led to him and I teaming up here and there.

Only silent in reply, Subaru grabbed all the newly formed noodles, dashed them with more flour and threw them into a waiting pot of boiling water he had set up before mixing the ingredients.

Brushing his nose in slight embarrassment, YN summarized his point.

YN: Ya know the whole gimmick where it's 'Last seen online: Forever ago'' on that one friend you make online, where they just kind of drop off the world? I never wanted to be that person to anyone. So I guess if I feel guilty for not wanting to go back, it'd be him.

Still not saying a word, a worried look still adorned Subaru's face. Making sure to stir the noodles in the boiling water when they first went in, Subaru set the lid back on the pot and sat back, arms crossed. In a serious tone, he finally spoke up.

Subaru: YN. I have a question.

Somewhat caught off guard from the change in atmosphere his lower tone brought, YN remained calm in his reply.

YN: Shoot.

Turning and facing him while uncrossing his arms, Subaru spoke not a question, but rather a name. A name YN was familiar with.

Hearing the name, YN's eyes opened wide. He had never had anyone in real life repeat that name back to him. For this name was his own.

His screen name to be specific. The same name he had when talking about that specific game.

Seeing YN's reaction, Subaru confirmed what he had thought had been true when YN had described the post he laughed about. The same post he had made.

Putting the pieces together, YN gulped the lump in his throat down. There was only one way to confirm if what he had begun to suspect from Subaru's utterance of his screen name was correct.

Croaking out his reply, YN repeated the screen name of the other person, but with a question at the end of it, as if asking if that person was right before him.

With a simple nod coming from Subaru. YN didn't quite understand.

YN: I don't understand... How—? What are the chances—?

Subaru: It's too convenient.

There was long silence between the two. YN didn't know if Subaru suspected this to be a betrayal of some kind or why he seemed to view this revelation in such a negative light. But he couldn't find fault in his logic, it was too convenient.

With the sound of the pots lid boiling off and clanking around as the water frothed out and onto the grill iron, making a sizzling noise, Subaru was slow to react, still deep in thought.

Moving the pot off the heat some and stirring the noodles inside, Subaru noticed he seemed to be worrying YN with his silence. With his expression somewhat lightening but still remaining tense and concerned, Subaru spoke up finally.

Subaru: Sorry, I just really wasn't expecting to find something out like that.

YN: Well, that's not a bad thing, right?

Going to grab another bowl, Subaru responded.

Subaru: It's unexpected more than anything. YN—

Handing YN the bowl, Subaru began to scoop the prepared noodles out of the pot.

Subaru: Are you certain you never died in the Capitol? Between us actually knowing each other, even as indirectly as we did, the fact you didn't show up until the fourth loop of my own is also concerning still.

YN: I'm positive. The first time I ever died was by Rem's hand... That's something I know I could never forget.

Trying to lighten the mood a bit more, Subaru had a slight laugh.

Subaru: She beats you within a second of your life and kills you twice, yet here you are making her dinner for a date.

Setting the last of the cooked noodles in the bowl YN held, Subaru moved the pot fully off the heat, letting a change in subject further relieve the tension that seemed to be brewing on the subject.

Subaru: It's funny how these things work out. Ya know, if this were some sort of virtual novel or something, a lot of players might think she's a bad choice.

Looking down at the floor, YN did know it would be hard to justify Rem's actions if anyone other than Subaru were to know about them. Remembering how she felt upon actually learning about them, he knew first hand the remorse she felt, but also how it made them stronger.

Shaking his head and speaking softly, YN argued his point, being careful to watch his words.

YN: I disagree. After everything that's happened, I think the romance me and Rem have is tragic, and that's what makes it so pure. Because in the end, anything that could go wrong, didn't. Everything worked out right in the end.

Setting the bowl he had in his arms down, YN stared at the freshly cooked noodles still glistening with water.

YN: I like her for all she is. Her silly quirks of wanting praise and always working her hardest, and even her faults. She was way too quick to judge, and it ended up with me being killed by her not once, but twice. But that just brings back my point about it being tragic, and that invokes it's own meaning I don't expect everyone to understand.

Taking the bowl of noodles, YN dumped them into the mixture he had spent the day making, continuing as he stirred them together.

YN: Rem isn't perfect. No one is. Not Emilia, not Rem, not Ram, nor you or I. But Rem is perfect for me. And that's what matters to me.

Somewhat surprised at how much YN had to say on the subject, Subaru struggled to find a fault in what he said.

Subaru: I think I can understand too, but that's a lot to say about someone you've only known since we originally arrived here.

YN: Then would you hesitate to say that Emilia isn't perfect for you?

Catching Subaru with his own words, YN let the top of the pot with the combined noodles and sauce clank shut.

Unable to give YN an answer, Subaru turned and began to clean up a bit of the mess that had come with making the noodles.

YN: I wouldn't change a thing. And I doubt Rem would either.

Pausing for a second while wiping up some of the excess flour, it looked for a moment Subaru was going to respond, but instead chose not to.

In a way slightly irritated by the silence Subaru maintained, the frustration came from how the last thing he had said to YN was a flat rebuttal to the validity of his feelings.

He still has no clue Rem knows.

But with the irritation also came guilt. Was it cruel to keep that information from Subaru?

Maybe one day, but not right now. One bombshell being dropped is enough for this episode.

Debating the idea in his head as Subaru also seemed to be deep in thought as he stared at his reflection in the once boiling pot of water, YN was more unsure than ever.

He's not the only one keeping secrets now it feels. He's definitely not telling me what he really thinks of us actually being coincidentally familiar with each other.

Jumping into help Subaru cleanup from the noodle making, YN sought to pry into those thoughts.

YN: —But to better answer your question from earlier, I think it might have to do with I heard the Witch ask in my car, asking if I would help her 'beloved.'

Shaking his head, Subaru replied.

Subaru: Maybe after three tries she figured I needed help... So she brought you in as assistance.

Drying his hands with a rag, Subaru concluded his cleanup.

Subaru: All I know is that given our former acquaintance, I'm not about to think your arrival isn't an accident.

Hanging up the rag, Subaru went to the door of the kitchen, ready to leave.

YN: Wha— Hey! What about your share of the spaghetti?!

Waving off his concern, Subaru opened the door.

Subaru: Don't worry about it. This one was on me. Had we not done this, I don't think we ever could have found out about our 'shared past.'

With his attitude and tone seeming to become troubled once more, Subaru went to depart, but poked his head back through the door-frame one more time.

Subaru: I did say I didn't have any real friends before coming here, but—

Saying YN's screen name one more time, Subaru looked down at the floor before departing.

Subaru: —was the closest one I would consider to actually having one.

Shutting the door behind him, YN was left alone in the kitchen, the sun's later evening rays had begun to shine in much more dimly. A hue of pink now washed the opposite wall of the windows.

Pulling his phone out, he remembered just how useless it had ended up being in this entire endeavor.

Opening his social app used by the game he and Subaru had seemingly known each other from. YN clicked his friends list and found the familiar screen name.

While offline, it still held the basics of the profile on the app. Reading the username again and again in his head and looking at the familiar profile picture's thumbnail, YN really struggled to associate this as being the same person he'd experienced so much with in such a short time span.

Deciding now wasn't the time, YN locked his phone, and remembered Ram's instruction. Making sure everything was ready and nothing was forgotten, YN went in search of the pink haired maid.

Hesitant to leave the kitchen in case Rem wandered in, YN was thankfully greeted by the elder maid, who was just then walking into the dining hall to prepare dinner.

Giving her a small wave, Ram walked past YN and entered the kitchen. Catching back up to her, he attempted to get her attention one more time.

YN: Uh, Nee-sama, I came to look for you when I was done like you asked... But I had another thought come up—

Remembering that Ram was going to be cooking something different for everyone else then what YN had just cooked for Rem, a conflict naturally made itself apparent to YN.

YN: —How is this all going to work exactly? Me and Rem are going to be eating something completely different than everyone else... Not to mention—

Ram: —Is this it then?

Taking the lid off the pot that now contained the mixture of noodles of sauce, YN was cut off by Ram's rare curiosity.

YN: —Oh, ah... Yeah. It turned out differently then it should have but it still tastes right.

Shutting the lid as if she still didn't believe such a combination should exist, Ram faced YN.

Ram: Are you prepared?

Confused as to what she meant, YN didn't understand what Ram was getting at.

YN: I-I guess, but what about the tabling and the others—?

Ram: Bring the pot along. Ram will show you what's next.

Grabbing two oven mitts to carry the pot by, YN followed Ram, slightly waddling as he did, carrying the large container.

Catching up to Ram at the dining hall door that led to the foyer, she poked her head out, looking both ways before opening the door farther.

Ram: Quickly. While the coast is clear.

Trying his best to follow her across the hall to the stairs, YN voiced his concern.

YN: Ram, wait—, what if Rem sees us?

Ram: Rem's Nee-sama has currently instructed her to begin changing into her new dress, so time is short.

Hurrying up the stairs, YN began to have a clue what was going on.

YN: Oh I see, a romantic dinner for just two. A-are we going to her room though? No, she's changing there now... My room?

Heading further up the next flight of stairs, Ram remained silent, as if she had something planned. Going up a few more floors, YN was unsure of where she was leading him.

Okay... above our rooms... The roof maybe? Where Rem took me that one time—

Having his next theory cut off, and shown to be untrue, Ram finally departed off onto a hallway at this level.

Why this floor? We rarely come up here...

At first not recognizing the paintings and decor from the change in lighting, YN quickly realized the floor was somewhat familiar.

Wait, I was just up here today...

Rounding the corner, he came to an even more familiar door.

YN: Uhh, Ram, what are we doing in this room— oh. Woah.

Opening the door for him, a faint flickering light began to reflect off Ram's bangs. Stepping into the room he had just been in hours earlier, YN couldn't believe it's transformation.

Having its rugs returned, beaten fresh and clean, and the dust removed from the air finally, it was the same room Rem and Ram had spent much of the afternoon cleaning out. All across the room however, were candles. Dozens, if not hundreds of them.

Thoroughly astonished at the space's change of atmosphere, YN didn't quite understand why this room however.

YN: I— isn't this just going to get the room potentially all dirty again? I mean, I know you two don't like having to clean the lesser used areas more than you have to...

Ram: YN.

Finally speaking up, Ram answered YN.

Ram: Why do you think Ram wanted this room cleaned out today?

Realizing her intention, YN was speechless.

She... She had all this planned?!

Ram: Why else do you think Ram wanted you to clean the kitchen? It also kept Rem distracted for the day. A perfect solution, no?

Putting herself on airs, YN couldn't fault the brilliance of her plan.

Looking around the room more, YN spotted at the center of the room a table, and two chairs. Unknown if they were borrowed from another room or simply pieced from the room's existing furniture, the table was covered with an elaborate cloth, two plates, a series of cutlery, a chilled pitcher of water and glasses, a handful of candles, and a vase of flowers.

YN: Ram I—

Ram: Save your words of grandeur and retrieve your jaw from the floor. Ram knows she's spectacular, but please keep your praises in reserve for Rem once she arrives in the dress her Nee-sama gifted her.

Leaving YN somewhat dumbfounded at the extravagance level the dinner was now to become, Ram spoke one last time before leaving.

Ram: Now then. Time is of the essence. Rem will be arriving shortly.

Nodding at the elder maid's instruction, YN set about reading the table, as to not squander the opportunity he was being given here, provided by none other than herself.