Derek bounces his foot against the bar, the tip of his shoe hitting the metal at the bottom of the stool over and over like some metronome. His mother would ask him if there was an earthquake- they lived on a fault line after all. He sees Angie everyday- why would tonight be any different? It shouldn't be. But it is. Of course it is. What am I doing here? It's sensory overload, thinking of her outside of a hospital setting. Thinking of her as more than just a surgical assistant. Of course… she's a person, she's got her own life outside of all this… right? She's loud noise- all flashing lights and some alarm inside his head. She makes him anxious, makes him bounce his leg like some weirdo. He doesn't think so highly of himself- he charmed his way to be a top surgeon on skill alone. Unsure of his bedside manner, lazy, a daydreamer, so un-doctor-like. It didn't matter how much praise or attention he got coming back to the states. Can't control his emotions or his body, awkward as ever.

But her. She's something else- so confident, direct, urgent, precise. It's so foreign to Derek, and it's intoxicating.

This is most definitely not a date. Then why did she ask you out? No- this is professional. Don't read into it. She and Leslie go out all the time. But he couldn't stop this feeling- their chemistry practically ignited the air.

What would this be like? What the fuck would they talk about? Besides GUILT, how tired they were, hospital politics and drama. He's sick of it. What is she all about?

"Hey." Woah! He turns around. There she is.

"Hey."

She stands about 5 feet away from him, nudging her way out of some crowd of hipsters.

The forced casual greeting has him feeling his guts in his mouth. He can't think of any words- how often has she seen him out of uniform?

They've only been working together for a year- they don't know each other outside of handing scalpels and managing vitals, despite everything they went through. To be a great team, they need to be on the same wavelength. He couldn't imagine Angie letting loose, but she had been the one to suggest they meet up here. She wanted to let loose- with him?

There's no way she thinks that way about you. Just… don't be weird.

But Jeez. He doesn't see her out of uniform too often either. He's practically knocked off his chair. Her hair is out of its usual ponytail. She's wearing grey trousers and a silky white blouse- casual. Damn, she's such a blonde, her hair is smooth and falls in voluminous waves, her bangs framing her face, some strands falling over her eyes. He could just keep staring at her. She's even wearing makeup- for him? No way.

He's been quiet for a few seconds- he expects her to say something but she's just standing there, head tilted. The silence is swallowing him.

"S-so, you've been to this place before, yeah?" Obviously.

"A few times. One of my friends bartends here, but she's not in tonight."

Her friends… What are they like? "Yeah I mean. I've heard good things."

More silence.

"Well. We don't have to sit at the bar, it's a little loud up here. There's a booth open." Everything he says sounds so dumb.

"Works for me." Damn, that smile. What is she thinking? "How long have you been here? You haven't ordered anything?"

"Oh, just a few minutes." He's lying. "Uhhh, go ahead, what do you want? It's on me"

She's beaming. So cute."Thanks, but I can pay for my own drink, Dr. Stiles." Not Dr. Stiles. Fuck.

He orders a draft Pilsner. She confidently orders a very dirty vodka martini. Full of surprises.

They're in a gentrified part of town. It's packed for a Thursday. They move to an area in the back -the space around the open booth is less haunted by grad students in vintage jerseys and fur coats.

To think the woman across from him was Angie- that Angie. The one always by his side, critiquing him, encouraging him, making him do better. Reminding him to keep his eyes on the monitor, passing him tools. The one who he had held while she was holding in sobs after her father's operation. The person who assisted in saving his life, squeezed his hand when he was on a ventilator. Tonight she's a complete mystery.

"Derek!"

He sucks in air through his teeth- still caught off guard every time she says his first name.

"Thanks for coming out tonight. I know we're both busy but it's so strange we haven't had the chance to talk outside of Caduceus." That smile.

"I'm glad we're here. I mean, it's great to get a chance to know who you are besides being an A-1 assistant."

She cocks her head again."You don't know who I am?"

"-That's- not what I meant, I… well, what do you like to do off the clock anyway?" He takes a gulp of his drink. He wishes it was a shot.

"You know, I'm not as interesting as you've probably imagined me to be." He shrinks a bit.

"Somehow I doubt that." A good comeback. Ok, keep the ball rolling.

"No, really. I don't go out a lot, and when I do it's usually that dive across from the old Sears on Santa Monica."

"I think I know the one. They have great karaoke. Is that your thing?"

"No way… unless I'm a few drinks in, then it's Sinead O'connor."

"I've gotta see that one day. What else?"

"I read. Mostly medical journals. I want to keep up. I guess… I like music. Sometimes, a few of my friends and I will go see some terrible band play. " He laughs. Angie in a Metallica tee in a mosh pit. They should go see some terrible band together.

"Yeah? Like what are you into- what do you guys go see?"

"Usually something crazy at the Terragram. Actually, I saw Weezer at the Lodge room recently. Probably one of my favorites. That someone like you would know anyway." His eyes are dinner plates.

"No way- no way! You like Weezer? My favorite band of all time… I didn't know they were playing."

"Really? I'll be honest, I never would have pegged you for an alt rock dude."

"What would you have pegged me as?"

She pauses."Classical music. Or bluegrass or something. Sorry! It's a pleasant surprise." Of course- he didn't give the "coolest" impression, even if he had been told he had a way with women. Every woman except for Angie, of course. It was the glasses- it had to be. He couldn't see more than two feet in front of him by the time he was 13 and contacts freaked him out.

He's shaking his head- she likes what he likes.

"Pinkerton got me through med school exams."

"Yes! Yes, so good- I prefer the extended version though." Her eyes are starting to shine a bit. Of course she did. Derek would follow up with some coy remark but he's just stuck dumbfounded by her. His heart is fluttering

"How have we not talked about this 'till now? I didn't know you were into music. We could have listened to something while filling out paperwork."

"I guess… I guess we haven't really had a chance to get to know each other." Her tone changes. "It's strange… we've been all over the world together, cut hundreds of people open. But I guess besides plane conversation we haven't gotten to talk casually very much.

"Well, lucky for you, I'm very casual."

"Don't worry- I know." they're both laughing- flirting?

Angie can hold her liquor. This is surprising and not surprising all at the same time. Derek's more relaxed- and confident. He has to dig his heels into the ground when she bites her lip or tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. She's tracing circles in the condensation on the table. She's asking questions. She seems curious about him.

"Yeah… I have a Letterboxed. But it's embarrassing."

She smirks "Oh yeah? So what, you like… write reviews or something?"

I'm so lame "No way, I just rate."

"What kind of movies do you like?"

"Some of everything. I dunno… action, superhero movies. Older movies, the classics. Tarkovsky, Lynch, Aranovsky, I dunno." How did she pull this out of me? How?

"Well. All that's beyond me. But I'd see a movie with you sometime." What? She's trying to get a rise out of him. She presses on."You seem like the type to frequent this part of town, catch a screening of whatever's playing at the New Beverly."

"That would be if I ever went anywhere but my apartment or Caduceus." The liquor is hitting him. He's getting daring. "So… I would ask you what your first impression of me was, but I'd say that was clear enough." He wants to know what she thinks of him. He wants to talk to her forever.

She laughs. "You were a mess Derek! It's ok. Back then, I was too. The way I lost it in front of our first GUILT patient… I'll never live that down. we've grown up a lot."

"Well, I knew you were passionate, that's for sure." He wants to reassure her. It was a chaotic year.

"I guess so. I hope Linda's doing alright. Honestly, she reminded me a bit of myself at that age. I'm sure that's part of why I had such a strong reaction."

"It's hard to be a young person these days. To try to figure everything out… I feel like I still haven't gotten there myself."

"Do any of us?" No way.

"Angie… I don't know anyone like you." She seems taken aback. "I didn't mean it like that. I just mean… you know exactly who you are. You don't seem phased by much. You're an excellent nurse and I'm honored to have you by my side."

She sits with his words, considering them. "No Derek…" He's confused. She looks down. "You're the excellent one…" she suddenly seems shy, it's uncharacteristic. "With your skills and your healing touch…your talent. I feel like I'm scrambling to keep up." Derek shakes his head.

"Don't say that. You can hold your own any day." She's looking away. "Angie. I'm serious." The tables have turned."You inspire me. Your determination, your striving for excellence, how you fight for your patients, your diligence. It's because of you I was able to get it together." She's vulnerable, her finger tracing the rim of her glass.

"Well… thanks. I guess I have high standards for myself."

"Angie. Say more."

"No, it's okay. Thanks though."

Derek is unsure of their dynamic, slouching a bit, He doesn't know where he stands.

Suddenly she looks up. "I owe you an apology."

"What?"

"I was hard on you at the beginning. Like really hard on you. Way too hard on you. You didn't need that, or deserve that. Even if you were a mess."

He hums. "I know you expected a lot from me."

"Yeah I did, and I mean. That little boy back at Hope, the one in the car accident. You resuscitated him….took glass out of his heart without batting an eye. You were so calm when I was a disaster. After I knew you could do that… I couldn't let you perform anything less."

"Thank you." He looks at her. "I hear you. And I want to say… it means a lot that you believed in me enough to really challenge me."

She beams at him again.

"It's not like we're anywhere close to done, Doctor." She says.

"Agh!" Derek exclaims, laughing. "I better brace myself."

"I know a little bit about your Dad, but not a lot… that's why you wanted to become a Doctor, right?"

"Yeah- my Dad got sick when I was eight. His disease progressed quickly, close to the fastest they'd seen. He died within a year. He really was awesome. "

"I'm sorry. We don't have to talk about it."

"No!" he's sure about this. "I want to talk about him. About his disease. We've come a long way since then, but there's much farther to go. Being a doctor… It's how I can honor him." She's smiling softly.

"He'd be proud of you."

Her words make his insides feel like sunshine. "Thanks. That means a lot. The medical stuff sort of came out of left field. My mom's a librarian…she's tough but she's great. She really is- When my dad died, she didn't tell me I was strong or anything. We grieved together, but it was… 'everyone loses their parents at one point or another.' Later that year when I slacked off in school, she didn't give me much of a break. She always expected me to do my best…or that I would be resilient, I guess. Maybe a little… like you."

"I'm flattered! I see that in you… the resilience. I guess I am too, but in a different way. Maybe it's an only child thing."

So… it was just her too. "Maybe that." He says, chortling. "Used to doing things on our own… adaptive. Or maladaptive. I"m not sure, honestly."

"Yeah." Angie takes a sip. "My Dad left when I was so young. It was just me and my mom. She's- a frail person. I made my own lunches for school most days and… that's all I'll say about that." Angie had built herself up- that was clear. She seemed to understand herself, what she wanted. She had to be an adult when she was young.

The more she says, the more she makes sense. Her privacy, her temper- maybe she's having her teenage years now because she didn't get to have them back then.

"Did you always want to be a nurse?"

"Yes." She answers promptly. "Always. I took care of my mom so… it made sense to keep going. I know it sounds crazy but I wanted to be like my Dad. He was some superhero… I didn't know much about his work back then. I thought he was saving lives." She's tense. She's gripping her cup so hard her knuckles are white. "It was supposed to be me. I can never forget that. Sometimes when I can't sleep… I can see myself in one of those tanks-"

"No. Angie- no. You're safe. Your father is safe. I'd never let that happen." He's working to calm himself down, her words have sent his blood pressure through the roof. "I think after everything we went through this year we deserve some peace."

"Yeah. I can't help myself from falling into it again though. Kimishima telling me you may not make it…I have a hard time believing it when miracles happen these days."

He finishes his drink. "I get it. You carry a lot."

She sighs. "Both of us do. There's no point in dwelling on the past. It is what it is, and I'm happy where I am." Her fingers are still white.

He takes a risk, reaching out his hot hand and placing it on her cold one.

"I'm happy too."

She looks up at him- right at him. Her eyes are glazed over and her cheeks are red… is she going to cry? Instead, she breaks into a huge smile again. Her smile- authentic, warm, all for him. Her hand is still cold beneath his. Too much? Should he back off?

"That means a lot. We both need a break." Her fingers move to grasp his weakly.

"Yeah. A serious vacation." Pressure against her fingers.

"Derek…"

Her fingers rub against his.

"I… Thank you. Let's...do this more."

"I'd like that."

Her fingers, still cold in his hand, move up, on top of his hand, almost toward his wrist, her thumb moves back and forth, she's leaning into him. His breath catches.

"I'm glad. That it was you. I wouldn't want to assist anyone else."

Angie…No way…No way! She's joking, she….She's breathing hard. This is some supernova, chemicals exploding, unreal and real. His heart is pounding so loud he's afraid she can hear it. His desire magnified by the alcohol, by their intense conversation, by the soft, hungry look in her eyes as she gazes at him. He can't think. The next words rip out of him.

"Do you… want to come over?"

She takes a deep breath. "I thought you'd never ask."

He was sure to clean up the dishes in the sink. Just in case- in the slight possibility that she might see his place, might say something. His whole apartment is immaculate… for him anyway. Just thinking about her he wanted to be more put together.

"So, ten minutes away from Caduceus. Can't do much better than this. "

"Yeah, it's nice. I used to wake up 15 minutes before work." He can see her rolling her eyes, but her smile distracts him.

They're still holding hands. They were holding hands as he drove her. This hand he knew so well, hands that were scrubbed over and over until they were dry and peeling, that prepped the OR, filled out paperwork, shook hands with colleagues, performed CPR. And now were her in his, smaller than they ever seemed before. They don't need words, if touch feels this fucking good.

He wants to fill the empty space. Just his nature. "Do you wanna…"

"I want you." His jaw falls open. Like he's been shocked by a defibrillator. No way this is real. He can't think. He doesn't need to. It's her nature to lead.

Her hands fall on his chest, and her lips crush against his.

Finally. Of course…. It was all for this. It was supposed to come to this. Her mouth on his. The moment he first saw her, he knew. Some things happen for a reason. They fit together so perfectly. Waves crashing, thunder, fireworks, earthquake. She can't stand anymore, she falls against him. His hands find her, holding her small body with the tips of his fingers, then his palms. Her body is hot to the touch, even through clothes, all for him. Goosebumps under his touch. His knees buckle, both of them falling onto the sofa. She's humming into him, still kissing him, every nerve ending in his body feels electric. Her hips on his, her hands tracing patterns on his collarbone. They both gasp for air. She's sitting on top of him, she fits perfectly, disheveled and so beautiful. They stare at each other.

Derek's been told he's a flirt, a good kisser. He's been with a few girls. But this. It was never like this. He's so desperate for her he feels like he could cry. She fumbles for her buttons, he tries to help her, his fingers just as numb. Her blouse falls around her shoulders, they're so in sync, her mouth agape, taking frantic breaths. Oh God- she's so into it. He can feel her pulse pounding in her stomach. She really is absolutely fucking gorgeous- her skin is translucent, her hair falling out of its ponytail, her cheeks, her chest, her arms flushed- she's so alive.

Their second kiss is fire- then warmth- then hotter again as the reality of what's happening hits them. All of the pain, heartache, frustration, desperation of the last year- their story together, right here. He lifts his shirt over his head frantically.

Her face changes. She inhales a bit. Her fingers tentatively reach, trace the scar on his chest, still somewhat new. A reminder of how close she came to losing him. He watches her, the skin underneath her eyelids wrinkling.

"Angie." His voice is soft. "I'm here." He cups her face.

She's biting her lip, trying to ground herself, to see him but seeing through him instead. Kimishima's words echo in his ears. "I'm worried that Ms. Thompson's feelings for you will prevent her from doing her job." It must have been so hard for her… his chest hurts.. How can he help her? How can he care for her? He feels small, insignificant. What could he possibly do?

He sits up, wrapping his arms around her. It's not the first time they've been here, but it's the first time like this. Pressing himself against her, protecting her from their past, from Delphi, from GUILT, from whatever may lie ahead of them. She melts into him, losing steam a little, breathing faster, then slower.

"I'm here. It's gonna be okay…."

He couldn't guarantee anything. They're both small, their world constantly changing, everything chaotic, beautiful, horrifying, uncertain. They've both seen how delicate life is. His grip on her is strong. All he can give her is this moment.

He'll give it to her.