Chapter One

Abyss

Deafening sounds echoing into a white void.

The suffocating feeling of deep water surrounding her world and the coldness taking hold over every nerve of her body. She didn't know where she was or what was happening now, so many things had happened before.

A bridge.

A choice.

A phone call.

Elena awoke, unable to take the unearthly sounds anymore. She drew in a deep, panicked breath and sat up against her headboard, looking around.

"Elena..." A soft voice calls out. Elena, first taking a moment to look around her bedroom. She finds herself back home, on her bed.

Was the entire thing just a nightmare?

It definitely felt like one, having to relive the same fate that had taken her parents and had almost taken her. Her blurry vision became focused then centered on the man sitting at her feet.

"Stefan." His name passed her lips like a question.

"Hey, you've been in and out for hours. How do you feel?"

"What happened?" She asked, feeling confused and strange. Stefan took a pause before answering. How do you tell the girl you love that you couldn't save her?

Or didn't save her?

"You were in an accident." Those words made Elena realize that it wasn't a nightmare and that it actually happened. She closed her eyes tightly, trying to remember.

Her and Matt were driving over Wickery bridge, then suddenly swerving something, crashing through the wooden railing and falling into the murky abyss of the river. Where was Matt?

"Matt, is he?" She desperately needed to know if he was okay.

"He's fine, he's at the hospital." Stefan replied. A relief washed over Elena, knowing that her friend had survived.

The night comes back to her again, recalling other bits. It was Rebekah. She remembered the Original vampire standing in the middle of the road causing Matt to swerve, then being underwater next to him and seeing Stefan opening the car door and reaching for her. She shook her head at him, pointing to save Matt first. The only thing remembered after that was the taste of the river water filling her lungs.

Then she becomes emotional when she remembers the phone call.

"How are you feeling, are there any symptoms?" Elena asked.

"Not yet. But I'm sure we'll have a big laugh when we find that Klaus is a big fat liar." Damon replied, knowing that it's most likely not true.

"I'm sure we will." She responded. Elena took in a deep breath, somehow knowing what Damon would say next.

"Hey, where are you?"

Elena held a pause and looked over to Matt. "Matt's taking me home."

"To Stefan..." Damon let out under his breath. He can feel what's about to come and a slight pain in his chest starts to resonate.

"Not just to Stefan, Damon. To Tyler, to Caroline." Elena said, being honest but is completely unaware by saying this means Damon is fated to die alone.

"No, I know. I get it." Damon understood, ignoring the crushed feeling of his heart. Knowing that he could die any moment, he had to ask Elena a question.

"So…. Since I'm possibly a dead man, can I ask you a question?"

"Yeah, of course."

"If it was just down to him and me and you had to make a choice, who got the goodbye? Who would it be?" Damon asked, preparing himself by building up his walls, shielding his heart.

"I love him, Damon. He came into my life when I needed someone and fell for him instantly. No matter what I feel for you, I never unfell for him." Elena sobbed.

Damon's walls didn't survive her words of rejection, and his crushed heart only got worse. Sounding defeated Damon replied. "Hey, I get it. Stefan…" He sighed. "It's always gonna be Stefan." He sighed again. It didn't matter how close they got over the past few months, it was always going to be this way.

Doomed to be unloved.

"I can't think about always, all I can think about is right now. And I care about you Damon, which is why I have to let you go." Elena let out in a sob, knowing how much it's hurting him at this moment. She turned her head to the side and peered out the side window before continuing. "I mean, maybe if you and I met first..." She said in a whisper, trying to give him some sense of hope. False hope.

"Yeah, maybe." He murmured; her words made him think back to that night on the deserted road.

"You're gonna be fine, you hear me! You're gonna be okay and I'm gonna see you soon."

"Goodbye, Elena." He said in a dead, hollow tone. Damon ended the call, knowing that it is goodbye as he matches eyes with Alaric, who was staring daggers straight through him. With the pain coursing through his heart right now, he was considering holding back so the white oak stake could take it all away.

"No, Damon. Don't say goodbye like that!" Elena said through the phone, but the call had already ended.

"I let him go and he said goodbye." Elena mumbled to herself. Remembering the call brought her back to now, so she searched her bedroom again looking for him, seeing the window seat vacant, she had to ask.

"Where's Damon, is he?"

"Damon's fine too." Stefan reassured her. "But Alaric..."

"Wait, Alaric is dead? But that means..." Her voice trailed off. "I'm I dead?" She asked in a scared voice.

Stefan then explained everything to her.

What Meredith did, using Damon's blood to heal her, lying to Jeremy about her earlier injuries. Stefan accepting her choice, saving Matt first and not saving her in time, leaving her to drown. Stefan already knew what it was like to carry guilt around for decades, but he also knew that this guilt would be worse. She died because he failed to save her.

He would have to carry that guilt for the rest of his immortal existence.

"No, Stefan! I told you I never wanted this. No, I can't be a vampire." She cried. Stefan couldn't reply, he didn't know how to say that she had another difficult decision to make.

Feed or die.

After trying to eat human food in the kitchen and spitting it out in the trash, Elena retraced back to her room only thinking about blood. Before she entered her room, she found Damon sitting on her window seat and a thankful smile creased over her lips.

"Damon, you're here." She said with a sound of relief in her voice. He was okay.

"Cute Pjs." He smirked. Elena looked down on herself, confused about his reply.

"I'm tired, Damon." A younger Elena replied as she was stepping out of the bathroom.

Elena didn't understand what she was seeing. A different Elena with Damon.

"I bought you this." Damon moved off the seat, stepping to her, holding her vervain necklace around his fingers.

"I thought that was gone, Thank you." She reached for it, but he pulled back. "Please give it back."

"I just have to say something."

"Why do you have to say it with my necklace?" Young Elena asked.

Elena suddenly realized this was a memory from the past. The day she was rescued from Rose and the Original vampire. The night her necklace just appeared around her neck and her window was open. Damon had compelled her, but why?

"Because what I'm about to say is probably the most selfish thing I've said in my life." Damon continued.

"Damon, don't go there."

Go where? Where was this going? Elena moved in, listening to both parties.

"I just have to say it once, you just need to hear it." He said moving closer to her.

"I love you, Elena. And it's because I love you, I can't be selfish with you. And why you can't know this. I don't deserve you, but my brother does."

Is this why he compelled it away? It was a confession of love and a selfless act of trying to let her go.

Elena watched the rest unfold and she couldn't believe it. The innocent kiss on the forehead, Damon wishing she didn't have to forget, the caressing thumb down her cheek. The lone tear in his eye. The memory ended and all the feelings she had in that past moment poured through her. She couldn't believe how vulnerable Damon was in that moment, he had none of his walls up and he had confessed his true feelings. The confession was so much more than the one Elena heard months ago, when Damon was dying from the werewolf bite. There was no impending death, no need for a goodbye. It was a pure confession of love. Damon loved her but he tried to let go because he thought he didn't deserve her. Elena was holding back tears as the heightened emotions coursed through her and a wave of affection made it through her heart, but she was also sad and angry that Damon had to rid her of a beautiful memory.

After collecting herself, she made her way back down the stairs only to find Stefan frozen in place and surrounded by armed men.

"You're safe now, Elena." An older guy gestures to her from the foot of the stairs.

She recognized him as Pastor Young. Stefan is then taken, and his hands are latched together with chains. They are both then taken from the house and pushed into a van, not knowing what was going on.

The morning sun had passed as Damon rolled awake, finding himself on the floor of his bedroom, surrounded by many empty bottles. He groaned and waved his hands around blindly, looking for any remaining bourbon. He pulled himself to a seated position and rested his back against a bedpost, causing many bottles to rattle and roll over the hardwood floor. The silence is then broken again by his ringtone, hurting his vampire ears. He struggled into a crawl but made it to his jacket near the dresser.

"Damon. Where are you?" Liz's voice came over the phone as soon as he answered.

"Somewhere, anywhere... else..." Damon groaned out through his dry mouth. "Why are you calling?"

"Caroline was taken, and Stefan and Elena are missing too. We need your help." Liz pleaded. Damon wasn't sure how to feel about this or not even sure he could find the strength for it. Heartbreaking rejection and the grief of losing his friend in the same night had been a torturing pain and the heightened emotions only made it worse.

He felt like he couldn't take in a breath and his hunger for blood had been replaced by a burning and twisting feeling in the pit of his stomach. The inhuman amounts of whiskey were the only thing that was giving him small moments of peace.

He staggered but made it up to his feet, using the bed as a support.

"Where are they?" Damon mumbled while slipping on his jacket one handed.

"Dr Fell said that Pastor Young was leading the council and removing all vampires. We believe the pastor has them at his cattle farm. We could use your help."

"Where's the farm?" Damon asked in a firm voice.

The afternoon had passed quickly and as Damon approached the farm the sky had begun to blacken.

Elena was in pain. It felt like her skin was on fire and her mouth felt like a sandpit, pleading for something to break the thirst. Blood. Human blood was the only thing on her mind. She had been wrestling with her decision about completing the transition, but her family and friends were her reason to stay. She wanted to keep living, even though it was an undead living. She was terrified about being a vampire, but it was a price she would pay to stay alive. She shifted around in her cell, kicking up the dry dirt. She heard her name being called out, but she couldn't respond. The thought of blood was consuming her, she closed her eyes tightly trying to think of anything else.

She hadn't seen Damon yet.

Where was he?

"Katherine?"

Elena was startled by Damon's voice, giving her hope but she couldn't see him in the cell.

"Ahh…No, I'm Elena."

"Oh…you just look. I'm sorry, you just really remind me of someone. I'm Damon."

"Not to be rude or anything Damon but it's kinda creepy that out here in the middle of nowhere."

"You're one to talk, you're all out here by yourself." He smirked softly.

"It's Mystic Falls, nothing bad ever happens here." Young Elena stated.

Elena shifted again, opening her eyes. She took in a deep breath realizing she was reliving another memory, an older memory.

"It couldn't be..." She whispered. Elena recognized the road, the high school party behind her. It was the night she fought with Matt and called her parents to pick her up. The night that changed her life, in more ways than one.

She closed her eyes again to see if there was more.

"I don't know what I want."

"Well, that's not true, you want what everybody wants." He smirked again.

"What? Mysterious stranger who has all the answers." She smiled, so intrigued by him. Damon chuckled at her light tone before replying.

"Let's say I've been around a long time, I've learnt a few things." He smiled back.

"So, Damon, tell me. What is it that I want?" She flirted shamelessly. Damon stepped closer telling her what she wants in life.

"You want a love that consumes you, you want passion, adventure and even a little danger." He said as he stepped closer to her.

There's a pause as they stared into each other's eyes. Then Elena asked what he wanted. Damon tried to reply but is interrupted by an approaching car, honking its horn.

"It's my parents." She told him as she turned away to see the vehicle.

"My god." She said out loud. Elena saw her parents and the entire memory fell into place, like a crucial piece that was missing. "I met him first, before the accident, before everything." She exclaimed to herself, taking in more feelings. She brought her hands to her face as a comfort. She couldn't believe that Damon had taken this from her. This moment could've changed so much.

An alternative reality passed through her mind. Meeting a mysterious stranger named Damon, the feeling of excitement by just being near him. The fact she had flirted with him and was totally taken by his insight of what she wanted from life.

She thought more about it.

Would Damon have helped her with her grief about her parents, would he have been there for her the same way Stefan was? Or in his own way?

Would Damon be different too? He was a hateful monster when he first arrived with his save Katherine mission. But with Elena's compassionate influence, Alaric's friendship, the unusual bond with Jeremy and the slow reconciliation with his brother, Damon was changing. He let go of Katherine and began protecting the people he cared about and also the town that he lived in.

They could've had that Damon earlier.

Their second meeting in the boarding house would have been very different.

"Maybe if you and I met first..."

They did.

Why didn't he say anything?

It could've been Damon.

"I want you to get everything you're looking for."

She remembered Damon's important last words. Had she found everything she was looking for? Elena felt confused again, just like she did in Denver. She wasn't supposed to feel like this anymore, she had made a choice, in the most dramatic way possible. Elena said she was letting him go, but now her heightened feelings and every part of her heart didn't want that. She needed to talk to Damon about these memories and the feelings that came with them.

Damon, ever confident as a vampire approached the farmhouse after exiting his car.

"Yahoo! Anybody home, big bad vampire out here!" He yelled at the farmhouse, smiling with his exposed fangs. Hearing a creak of wood scraping wood, the front door opened slightly.

"Go away, your kind isn't welcome here!" Pastor Young shouted while leaning out the front door.

"I'll leave, soon as you give me Stefan and Elena." Damon demanded, moving closer to the porch.

"You can't get in!" The pastor refused, ready to close the door.

"Do you know of the method hunters use to get rabbits out of their burrows?" Damon paused, letting the question linger in the night air. "It's obvious right? Let the vampires go or I'll have to burn you out of your house." Damon's voice remained calm as he threatened the pastor. The human didn't respond with words, only a look of dread washed over his face. He backed into his house, locking the door behind him.

Damon is soon met by two armed men carrying rifles. Without so much as a verbal warning, both men fired shots, putting holes in Damon's torso. Damon waited a moment, realizing he wasn't dead. Just like a loaded bear trap he waited for them to inspect the kill, getting closer and once they did, he sprung onto both men, breaking a neck and stabbing the other with his own weapon.

Totally forgetting about the pastor and his house, Damon spotted a large barn across the way, dimly lit by a single light.

As he approached the barn door, he picked up the scent of blood, a lot of it. He passed the threshold and found a dead man along the path that ran the entire length of the building. On both sides of the path were cages, definitely big enough for cows and after some modifications, perfect for holding vampires. Damon heard his name being called in a weak tone, so he moved over to the closest cell, following the groans and found his brother lying down on his side.

"What's wrong brother, I'm down for a day and you end up getting abducted." Damon joked while rattling the thick chains on his cage door. Stefan only coughed as a reply. The barn had been pumping aerosolized vervain through the air con system making it impossible for caged vampires to escape. Fortunately, Damon wasn't caged but he had to move quickly. He looked around the barn in search of bolt cutters or an ax but instead he spotted the keys on the dead guard's belt. He sped over, retrieving the keys and then looked up to the cell next to him. It was Elena. She was sitting up against the bars with blood on her chin, silently telling him she had fed and is now a vampire. Her droopy eyes met his, but he didn't say a word as he moved to unlock her cell, removing the chains.

With the constant and twisting pain, he was carrying right now, he didn't want to spend any longer close to her. He dashed back to Stefan, unlocking his cage and moved in, picking up his wheezing brother.

"Damon..." Stefan broke the silence, having gained more strength knowing he is not caged anymore.

"No need to thank me. Go get Elena, that's if you can avoid the bleeding corpse next to her."

"Yeah, I'll be fine." Stefan mumbled as he walked out of the cell and scuffled down the path.

"What about me?" A distinctive female voice called out from the opposite wall. Damon turned to find Rebekah at the back of her cell.

"You? Why would I save you? Damon asked in a hollow voice.

"It would be a nice thing to do." Rebekah said with charm.

"Since when am I nice?" Damon asked with a befuddled expression.

"You're always nice to Elena. You can be nice to me, at least once."

Rebekah's remark about Elena made Damon's mood shift. For a millisecond he had forgotten about the pain in his chest and stomach but now it was back. He looked down at the keys and then threw them into her cell. "Save yourself." He spat out before turning heels and walking out of the barn.

As Damon makes his way back to his car, he is caught up by Stefan.

"Damon, wait!" Stefan started from across the car.

"Yeah, I know what you're gonna say, Stef." Damon shook his head.

"You do?" Stefan doubted.

In a mockery voice Damon explained. "Oh, Damon, why are you still here? You're supposed to leave town, Elena chose me, not you."

"I didn't know that." Stefan replied with a hint of relief on his face.

"Of course not, I was the one that got the phone call." Damon said bitterly, beginning to feel some of his emotions rising to the surface. There was pause between them.

"I won't hold you that, Damon. She nee..."

Damon interrupted. "Really?"

"It's different now, she's gonna need both of us to get her through this, she transitioned." Stefan confessed.

"You don't get it brother, how could you?" Damon muttered, shaking his head again.

"What don't I get, Damon?"

"I was left alone to die!" Damon then yelled, loud enough for the whole farm to hear.

"I can't stay, Stefan! Elena said goodbye to me over the phone when I thought I was going to die. Actually, let me go, I believe is what she said." Damon paused to catch a breath before continuing. "And after that, I had to fight off my friend who was no longer himself and when he collapsed and started turning gray, I realized what else was happening in that moment. She was dying..." Damon tried his best to hold back a choked sob. "And you didn't fucking save her!"

"She told me to save Matt first and I did." Stefan defended.

"You saved the quarterback instead of the girl you love?" Damon said with a scrunched-up face, not believing his brother's actions.

It wouldn't even be a choice for Damon. He would've dived straight into that river to save her first, even if she was mad at him afterwards. He'd always choose her, too bad she didn't do the same for him. "Carrying that guilt around is gonna suck for you, just like the pain will be suffering for me." Damon added with a twisted smirk, but his eyes remained sad.

"It'll get easier Damon, I can help you through this." Stefan pleaded with his face holding a guilty expression.

"Journaling won't help here Stef, leaving is the only option." Damon admitted as he moved to his car door.

"There has to be another way, Damon! Elena will need you." As much as Stefan didn't like to admit it, it was the truth. Damon was a clever hunter, and he had the best control over the bloodlust. Even though Stefan would want Elena on the animal diet, having Damon around to help with the control was the smart thing to do. He wouldn't want Elena to hurt anyone.

Damon tilted his head and looked up into the night sky, taking in the vastness of the stars as a single tear traveled down his cheek. He then locked eyes with his brother and took a long silence. The entire world felt like it dropped in temperature with what he said next.

"Your right brother, there is another way." Damon took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He searched through his mind looking for the solution.

It took a moment, but Stefan realized what he's brother was doing. He quickly dashed to close the distance between them and grabbed his arms.

"No Damon, don't! Not like this, we can help you find a different way!" Stefan begged as he shook his brother by the shoulders. "Not this way Damon! No…. no... no." His voice trailed off. He looked over Damon's face and became alarmed and overcome with worry at the same time.

This was the last thing Elena and Mystic Falls needed right now.

Damon exhaled and opened his eyes and then enjoyed the sweet relief of feeling nothing. Absolutely nothing.

"Ahhhhh." He exhaled and smiled. "That's much better Stef, it's gone now. I can actually feel myself breathe again." Damon smiled harder. "I can stay now, easy."

Stefan just stared blankly at his brother, completely lost at what to say.

"Now after saving you from a bunch of humans, I deserve a drink." Damon said and entered his car and made his way back to town. Damon couldn't see another way, he couldn't see Stefan understanding, he didn't know how to be around Elena with breaking to pieces or lashing out and he didn't know how to grieve about Ric dying. He found the only way to stay.

Just a flip of the switch.

His humanity switch.