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Chapter Nine—Advocacy
"You're going to turn this house into a home for unwanted people," Blaise says under his breath as they watch Luna come floating through the front doors and Harry hurry over to shake her hand. Luna seems to have different ideas, hugging Harry instead. "I love it. Your father would have Kneazle kittens."
That makes Theo smile despite himself. "He would, wouldn't he?" He watches narrow-eyed as Harry detaches himself from Luna and pats her on the shoulder.
"I don't think you need to be jealous. Potter doesn't have eyes for anyone but you."
"I am not jealous."
Blaise watches him patiently. Theo scowls back at him and turns to walk down the stairs, which he's been standing at the top of, to hold out his hand to Luna. "Miss Lovegood, thank you for accepting our invitation—"
Luna hugs him, too. Theo finds himself holding still, not even breathing, as he carefully touches her on one shoulder. He knows how sharp he is. He knows how he cuts. He doesn't want to hurt Luna.
Harry beaming at him makes up for the discomfort of the hug, of course.
Luna pulls back and gives Theo a misty look. "I know who invited me."
Theo nods, a little relieved. Harry was the one who wrote the actual letter, so at least that argues that Luna is sensible and knows Theo won't be sentimental about her. "You're welcome to any food we have, of course. We have breakfast spread out, but we didn't know if you had eaten."
"I made an offering of my breakfast to the Blithering Humdingers this morning, so I will eat this one," Luna says, and wanders into the breakfast room. Blaise stares after her.
Harry snickers. Theo raises an eyebrow. "Yes?"
"The look on your face."
Theo shakes his head a little. "I don't mind providing house room for her, Harry, and I agree that the people bullying her at Hogwarts should be dealt with. But that is far from feeling as though I should welcome every stray child at Hogwarts. What?" he adds, because Harry is just grinning at him.
"Whatever you say, Theo," Harry says, and leans over for a kiss on the cheek before he goes into the breakfast room after Luna.
Theo scowls at Blaise, who has no reason to be chuckling as hard as he is, and goes to join them.
"Ready?"
"Yeah." Harry braces his feet and raises his wand at the thirtieth Transfigured rat he's made so far this holiday. "Yeah, I think so."
Theo nods and steps back. He's already learned that making Harry feel crowded when he performs Dark spells is a bad idea.
Harry takes a slow breath and then says, "Animam tracto."
The light stirs around his wand, a deeper and cooler blue than Theo tends to see when he casts this spell himself. Then it abruptly lashes out and curls around the rat, which squeals in fright and scrabbles at the grass with its small feet.
In seconds, it falls. In seconds, it dies.
Theo smiles. "Good."
Harry frowns at the rat. "I thought…something more bloody would happen," he admits after a moment. "The book made it sound like that. And why is it a Dark Arts spell if you can practically use it for pest control?"
"It still kills animals, Harry." Theo steps up behind him and touches his shoulder. Harry leans into him with no hesitation, and Theo ducks his head, breathing in the scent flowing from between Harry's neck and his shoulder. "It could kill people. I think the spell does, in fact, usually cause more blood."
"But?"
"Because you're so good at the Dark Arts, it causes internal damage instead."
Harry blinks and looks queasy. Theo gently kisses the side of his neck and steps away. "I didn't mean to make you squeamish," he says quietly. "Do you want to try with another rat, or do you want to go back to the house?"
"Back off, Nott."
Theo turns around with a mild scowl that he can't control to stare at Black. They were getting along so nicely without him. Black stands perhaps three meters away, shaking all over and brandishing a wand that it seems someone was unwise enough to give him.
"Where did you find that wand, Black?" Theo asks, not taking his eyes off it as he raises his hands gently in the air. He can see that Harry still has his wand drawn and is scowling at his godfather. That makes Theo feel safer than having his own wand out would.
"One of your ancestors was so good as to tell me where your Dark family stored their old wands," Black says, grinning.
Theo feels his eyes widen before he can stop himself. "Black, you should put that wand down now," he says, and can't keep the urgency out of his voice, either. Black, of course, misunderstands like Theo is a Death Eater.
"I think I should keep it," Black says, and wriggles the wand around. Theo only barely manages not to pull Harry down on the ground. This close, and with the amount of time that Black's probably held the wand, it wouldn't make any difference. "I think that I like being able to challenge you and the way that you're corrupting H-Harry…"
He takes a deep breath and staggers for a second. Then he croaks, "What's happening to me?" and drops the wand. There's black fuzz growing over his hands, and, Theo knows, inside his lungs.
"Sirius!" Harry lunges forwards as Black falls, and Theo does drag him back this time, because Harry will get caught up in the mold if he touches Black. "Theo!"
"Curse on the wand," Theo says shortly, and kneels down next to Black. He does know the counter—he watched Father cast it one time after he invited Theo to touch the cursed wands—but part of him wonders if he should waste it on Black, who is the most irritating person Theo has ever met.
Then he glances at Harry, staring desperately at Black but keeping his hands to himself, and sighs. Harry is depending on Theo to fix this, and it would be stupid to destroy his trust in Theo for the sake of some pathetic revenge.
Theo waves his wand carefully above Black's chest and incants the counter. Black wheezes, and black spores come flying out of his mouth and crumble off his hands. Theo indifferently sets up a shield that bounces them away, and then sits back on his haunches as Black scratches at the ground with his hands.
Harry glances at Theo. Theo nods. Harry flings himself on his godfather and hugs him.
It takes almost ten minutes for Black to sit up and speak like a normal person, and he's shivering and hugging Harry back and still licking black specks off his lips. "What happened?" His voice is hoarse, and he avoids Theo's gaze.
"One of the portraits told you to touch a cursed wand," Theo says. He could say many other things, but he keeps his tone flat and neutral, and Black flushes as hard as if he'd got a scolding. "The ancestors' wands are all cursed. That particular one is the most common curse, so I knew how to heal it."
"Why did you do it, Sirius?" Harry is like a blazing bright boulder, flopping into the middle of the silence that Theo and Black might have kept going. "Why did you trust the Nott portraits?"
"I had to find some way to stop him from corrupting you, Harry! I thought I would stop him and we would both get away."
Harry closes his eyes. The profoundly disappointed look on his face stops Black's words in his throat.
"Harry," Black whispers.
"No," Harry says. "We need to talk about this, Sirius, and not keep putting it off. The same way that we talked about why Remus is going to like it fine to be in a warded room the nights of the full moon." He takes a deep breath and opens his eyes. "You're wrong about Theo. He got you a trial. You're free. Isn't that enough to prove he's good?"
This time, Black is the one who catches Theo's eye. Theo lets one corner of his mouth lift. Black is aware, more aware than Harry right now, that Theo isn't a good person.
"I know I owe him my freedom," Black mumbles, sounding like a child who's been told to drink water instead of pumpkin juice. "But he's still teaching you Dark Arts spells, Harry, and you have to see that that's not right!"
"I don't actually know that at all," Harry says, and drapes his hands between his knees as he stares at Black. "I need to be able to survive the battles with Voldemort that are coming." Black gives a ridiculous flinch that nearly drops him flat on his back. "And I was the one who asked Theo to teach me the Dark Arts spells, so I would be of use in those battles."
"Harry," Black whispers, shaking his head and reaching out with one hand, as if he could grab Harry's wrist and pull him back onto the right path that way. "It's—what you'll become if you learn those Dark Arts spells—it's worse than letting You-Know-Who kill you—"
"It is not," Theo says harshly, and feels anger bubble up in his chest. He wants to hurt Black, but he forces himself to back off and stand up, taking his wand with him. "You want him dead, is that it? Dead, as long as he's righteous?"
"I never said that!" Black practically yelps the words, and black fur starts growing over the lower half of his face.
"Then explain to me what you mean," Theo snaps. "And stop turning into a dog, it's the most childish—did you know that you dump all your burdens on Harry and make him accountable for them? That it's not fair? That maybe if you stopped yelping about how terrible your life is and how terrible I am for two minutes, you would see what you're doing to your godson?"
Black turns around and stares at Harry. "You know that no good comes of the Dark Arts, right? Like, you do know that?"
"I know that I survived because of what Theo did in the graveyard. That I might not have. And that it made me sick not to know how to help him."
Harry's voice is low, and passionate in a way that Theo's never heard before. He stares as he watches Harry rise to his feet, shaking, and clench his hands in front of him, leaning towards Black.
"I want to survive. I want to kill Voldemort. I want Theo to survive. I want to be with him. I want you to live and stop turning in to a dog and running away from all your problems! And I'll do whatever I have to to accomplish that. Maybe I won't be a good person. Well, the supposedly good people in this situation are the ones who left me with an abusive family, and who don't write to me because Dumbledore told them not to, and who left you to rot in a cell. I don't want to be like them, either. I'm going to fight, Sirius, and that means I might have to kill. Yeah, I'll do whatever I have to."
Harry glares at Black, who just stares back with his mouth a little open. Then Harry makes a swift noise and turns and walks away, towards the house.
"Harry," Black whispers after him.
"If you don't stop criticizing him, you'll lose him."
Black whips back around to glare at Theo quickly enough. "And I'm supposed to think that you care? When you would probably be just as glad to see me eaten by Dementors, so that it leaves you all alone in this precious house with your precious boyfriend?"
"I care because you're making Harry unhappy. I want him happy. If that means putting up with your stupid arse, then I will."
"You're corrupting him."
"No, Black. I'm the one who stood by him all through the Tournament, when his best friends acted as though he should apologize for being targeted by a Death Eater. I'm the one who was there for him when his stupid godfather didn't write to him all year. I'm the one who was his date to the Yule Ball and who's been his boyfriend despite all the people who acted like I shouldn't have been. Who's been brave and uncompromising here? Who's followed his principles? Not you."
Black has blanched by the time Theo finishes his speech. He closes his eyes, reopens them, and says in a tottering voice, "I—I never meant to do it."
"To leave him alone during the Tournament?"
"To run after Peter."
Theo blinks and draws a hand down his face. Honestly, he doesn't feel ready to handle this. "I think that's something you should have a discussion with Harry about. I think he's probably forgiven you," he adds, because it's true.
Black might as well not have heard him. He stares off into the distance with eyes that obviously don't see the trees and the light. "The worst decision," he whispers. "I made decisions I regret before that, but—leaving Harry alone and getting dumped in Azkaban are the worst." His face changes with the suddenness that still makes Theo wary around him. "I should have killed the little bastard."
Theo doesn't disagree, but he makes one more attempt to remind Black who he's confessing this to. "Harry would want to hear this."
"I don't want to dump this rubbish all over Harry."
"Oh. Thanks awfully, then."
"I think that killing Peter would have made all the difference. They wouldn't have known why, but they would have given me a trial under Veritaserum. I would have volunteered to take it. I would have told them why it was important."
"I really doubt that Crouch and that lot would have listened to why you'd killed someone who was supposedly on your side."
"And then I could have raised Harry. Did you know that he had the cutest little fingers and toes when he was a baby? They were all there. All twenty of them!"
"Black?"
"And he had hair exactly like his dad's. Don't listen to the people who tell you that you don't look like James, Harry. You're James reincarnated. I mean, except for your eyes, of course. But you don't have that much of your mum in you."
Theo sighs tiredly, stands up, and goes back into the house to get Harry, leaving Black rambling to thin air.
"You just left him there?"
"What the hell was I supposed to do, Harry? Listen to him rambling about your cute little fingers and toes?"
Harry glares at him as they walk back towards the garden where Black is still sitting, now talking wildly to people who aren't there and waving his arms. "He wasn't talking about that."
"He was so. I had to listen to how they were twenty of them, and how you look exactly like your dad, and you're basically your father reincarnated."
Harry takes a deep breath, shakes his head, and comes to a stop in front of Black, reaching out a hand. "Sirius."
To Black's credit, Harry's voice at least pulls him out of whatever trance he's got himself into. "Harry!" He looks up and smiles. "There you are." Then he looks around. "Wait, weren't you sitting off to the side a minute ago?"
"No," Harry says, very quietly, very gently. "I haven't been out here since I asked you to think about why I want to learn Dark Arts spells and went into the house, Sirius."
Black takes a deep breath, and tears spring to his eyes. "Oh, Harry, I'm sorry. I'm a terrible person. I'll get better, I promise! I'll be the kind of godfather that you need. Just after we get out of this awful place." He waves his arm in the opposite direction of where the house stands. Theo sighs.
"Theo and I talked," Harry says, standing straight under the burden he never should have had to bear. Theo knows now what intense admiration feels like. "We think you need to go to a Mind-Healer, Sirius."
Black starts to transform. Theo hits him with a semi-Dark spell that forces him back into human form, and then another one that conjures a stake, pounds it into the ground, and ties Black to it via a chain linked around his ankle.
Harry glares at him. "Seriously?"
"He needs to stop turning into a dog and running away from things," Theo says flatly. "That's why we discussed his going to a Mind-Healer, remember?"
"I'm not going to someone who will make me talk about Azkaban!" Black yells.
"Then don't choose that kind of Mind-Healer," Theo snaps back. "Pick an Obliviator who works at St. Mungo's and have them suppress the memories and start building you a new personality. Or choose a Legilimens who can help you section off the really bad emotions and build walls of calm. Or, hell, visit one of the Shockers and have them place you under a curse that will shock you awake whenever you start vanishing into the depths of your mind. That's the cheap option, but at least it's an option, and it won't leave you rambling to thin air because you think you're telling Harry stories."
He becomes aware that Harry and Black are both staring at him. "What?"
"I've never—heard of those as Mind-Healing options," Black says hoarsely.
"It's common knowledge."
"It's really not, Theo," Harry says gently.
Theo hates the feeling that he needs to be handled with the same mildness Harry uses to handle Black and Weasley. He shrugs. "I suppose the education my father gave me was esoteric in some respects." It was mostly focused on the various ways to evade the kinds of Mind-Healers who might try to see into his head and reshape him into their image of what they wanted him to be, if Father died and Theo was removed into the custody of someone who thought him a disturbed child.
"I'll say," Black mutters.
Harry shakes his head and focuses on Black again. "So you have more options than talking through your pain or something, Sirius," he says. "Please choose one. I don't want you to have to live like this, and—" He swallows. Theo asked him how he felt, Harry described it, and Theo told him he should describe it to Black, too. But Harry still has difficulty focusing any attention on himself. "I don't want to live with you like this."
Black softens and reaches out to embrace Harry, although he's tugged up by the chain before he can stand. "All you had to say was that, Harry. Of course I'll go. For you."
Harry steps forwards and hugs him. Theo nods firmly. Good. So now they've solved the problem, and if it took some methods Black would probably call "Slytherin," at least it's solved.
He catches sight of Black glaring at him over Harry's shoulder, and rolls his eyes. Fuck off, he mouths at him.
Black blinks, but doesn't let go of Harry, and honestly, that's all Theo needs. He couldn't care less what Black thinks of him. The important thing is that he'll get the Healing and stop hurting Harry.
