Father and I avoided conversation while sitting in the kitchen together. Since none of the herbs or random findings on my walks proved useful for anything, we agreed I should officially document any portals I knew of on Narvlheim that Hela might've also known about and, potentially, given to Modi. It was equally tedious and embarrassing, since a few of the portals were spots I fully intended to use as private escapes. I'd already done so with lovers in the past on occasion, and Father's questions about how I discovered them revealed aspects of my life I wanted to keep personal.

A week had passed since Riggs sent her letter, and I still managed to maintain self-control enough not to ask Father for it. He didn't need to tell me he kept it close; if Mum had it, she would've snuck it to me by now simply because it was in her nature to stoke such a fire. While I meant what I said to both of them and knew my head should stay focused on Hela, I couldn't help but worry that ignoring Riggs' attempt to reach out would ruin any potential future between us.

Tiwaz hopped off Father's lap and trotted noisily up the stairs just before Mum shouted, "Gods!"

It caught us both off guard; so much so, we looked at each other to make sure we'd really heard her.

She didn't wait more than a few seconds before yelling again. "Loki, come quick!"

We pushed away from the table in a frenzy. Father just barely beat me to the staircase, and we both skipped every other step to reach Hela's room as fast as possible.

Father entered before I could and nearly knocked Mum over as she stood in the middle of the room. His surprise came out in harsh severity. "How long as she been like this?"

"I don't know. I just walked by and happened to glance in." She looked him squarely in the eye. "Should we reach out to Thor and the doctors on Asgard?"

I swallowed hard. Change of any kind was somewhat welcome, but if she was worse off, I wasn't sure I'd have the strength to bear it. More helplessness would only fuel my nightmares.

"Maybe," Father said to Mum while waving me forward. "Vali, what do you think?" The moved aside enough for me to see what alarmed them so much.

Change it was, indeed.

After weeks in a veritable coma, now, she sat up in an eerily still fashion. Unblinking. Unfocused. Her eyes were cloudy and almost gray compared to her usual green centers.

Without thinking, I reached for her. "Oh, Hela—"

"Wait, Vali. Wait," Father said, holding me in place. "When she was conjuring on Asgard, she had much the same expression, yes? Isn't that what you said?"

I couldn't take my eyes off her and prayed to notice any indication of real consciousness. "Aye. It was something like this...maybe more green. Her magic looks like yours."

"She could still be in the same mindset now. Disrupting her casting might have dire consequences. It's better if we don't touch her, or the same mess in her head that made her hurt you could take over again."

My jaw hurt with how tightly I clenched it. "Okay." It stung to think I could be just as helpless now than I ever was, left only to witness whatever kept her far away and in the same room at once.

"Lo, I've never seen you get lost in a spell," Mum whispered, apparently afraid her own voice could disturb her. "Nor Vali, Grid, Freyr...anyone."

"Hela's capable of more than I've seen. I won't risk potentially hurting her, or us, until we know what she's doing or what she did before." Father sucked in a deep breath and took us both in each hand as we looked on. "You know more than most that I've spent my fair share of time locked in a prison of my mind, Gin."

Mum wiped her eyes and nodded. "I thought those days were over."

"So did I." He tipped his head to look at her over the rim of his spectacles. "We made it through, then. She will, too."

I turned away so they couldn't see my face, though I knew despair flashed across it. A prison of the mind? What does that mean? The situation made me feel like a child again.

Hela startled, making us do the same. She shook and glanced over herself, bringing her hands out as if she was looking for something. "What?" she whispered, then immediately scrambled over her face, feeling her features. "No. No, I don't like this. What did you do?"

"Hela?" I asked, but she was too focused on her panic.

"I wanna go back. I wanna go back!" She clutched her temples and shut her eyes tight. "Stop it!"

Father gripped my hand to keep me from touching her, guessing my next move before I made it. "Vali, stay away."

"But she's hurting herself," I yelled, desperate for her to recognize me. "Hela, you're home. You're safe. It's safe, now!"

"Nowhere is safe. Nowhere is safe! Awake, awake, awake!" she screamed. Just as quickly as she'd startled a minute before, she fell backward on the bed, limp and quiet again.

"Gods, what was that?" Mum said, pushing beyond Father and I to check on her. "Please, my love. Open your eyes again." She openly sobbed and kissed Hela's hand. "Please don't be lost to me."

Father touched Mum's shoulder and shook his head. "Oh, Gin."

"What happened? Is she breathing? Did she see us?" I raked through my hair and felt the familiar itch of impending tears all over my face again. "Is she dead?"

Neither of them answered me until Father checked her wrist. "She's alive. But this is beyond the skill of doctors," he said with a defeated sigh. "What I wouldn't give for some Vanaheim magic right now."

"Should we call on Grid?" Mum asked, refusing to rise from her knees.

I knew I was shouting, but I had no control. If I frightened them, maybe they'd feel my own fear. "What is this is part of Modi's plan? We know he aims to kill us. We know he wants to see us suffer. Yet here we are, predictably at home, waiting for what?"

Father eyed me sideways, admonishing me by saying nothing at all.

"We should find where he is and go to him instead of hoping he won't catch us by surprise. She said nowhere is safe. She's right." For the first time in my life, I stood chest to chest with Father and purposely showed my full height to prove I was above him. "Vanaheim magic is dead. You say Asgard's doctors won't know what to do. Who will? Where should I take her?"

For a man being challenged, he lit from within. A spark flashed in his eye. "Heimdall. We'll go to Heimdall. He'll help us find Modi, if he can."

"Is it really wise to move her?" Mum asked.

"Vali's right. Staying here puts us all at risk. If Modi's coming for us, this will be his first stop. That's why we were looking at portals, wasn't it?" He brushed a strand of silver hair from her face. "I trust his judgment. We can bring Grid and Freyr with us to Dagheim."

"I'll get ready." I left for my own room, where I threw two clean tunics into a pack with my armor. My heart pounded in my ears and adrenaline squeezed in my gut every few seconds. It was action, at least. The same static tickle that bothered me for weeks took over the back of my throat. Nauseous. I couldn't stop swallowing and fought against the urge to spit.

Father tapped on my doorway. "It might be best to send you back to Asgard."

"What?" I dropped my pack with a loud clang of the armor inside, and my stomach fell the same amount. "Why would you separate us now?"

"You know why."

"Gods, this is unfair. Can't you see I've more important shit to think about?"

"Then give me your word that you'll stay with your family. Make me believe we're your priority."

I folded my arms. "You say that like this is all a test."

"Perhaps it is." Father produced a folded bit of parchment from his front pocket and dropped it on my desk. "I'm going to alert Grid and Freyr. We'll take your portal to Dagheim as soon as it's active in the morning. In the meantime, I want you to consider what you're fighting for and why." He slammed my door closed behind him, either granting me privacy, or answering my challenge from earlier.

Now alone, I collapsed on my bed and wept in silence. I didn't know what I could do for Hela. I didn't know how I could save my family. I didn't know if I was worthy of Asgard. And, somehow worst of all, I didn't know if I could be the man I'd hoped to be for Riggs.

With my eyes closed, images of blood and suffering that were monochrome on the battlefield were now in full color, amplifying their impact on me. Hela's words stood out in a personal way—nowhere was safe. Not even my mind.

Mum shuffled outside in the hall, likely gathering things for the impending trip, and she mercifully didn't ask for any help. Like me, she probably needed the distraction of being busy for busy's sake. With Father gone, it was the only other sound besides the anguish recycling in my head.

When I finally stood, my head felt squeezed in a vice, and my muscles all over were tense and uncomfortable. I stretched my arms, my neck, my back, then stared at the letter Father put on my desk.

Of course, I knew what it was. How could I not? But was his test not to read it at all, or not lose myself in Riggs once we arrived?

I picked up the letter and reflexively brought it to my nose. After a week, her scent was weak, but it was here. The flowery elixir she put in her hair, the note of sugar underneath. If I'd had any resistance before to opening it, she swept it away.

Lokison,

I worry. I've heard that you were injured. I cannot help but wish that I'd gone with you, or that you'd remained.

Our closeness replays in my mind. Does it do the same for you?

You said only an act of war would keep you from me, and I understand just that had taken place. Forever or not, I remain waiting.

Your Riggs

She made my heart race even harder. Her code, to any other reader, might imply more occurred between us than was real. No wonder Father kept it from me. It was simple, yet she didn't leave much room for a mistake. Whenever I saw Riggs again, I knew precisely what she wanted.

But the moment I imagined holding her against my body again, I didn't feel her. I felt Gunnar, his weight pulling me to the floor, and his choking expression demanding I kill him to rid Modi of the opportunity.

I clenched the letter in my fist as another tear swept down my cheek. The test wasn't here—it would be on Dagheim. To keep the fair, lush Ragfrieda safe, I'd be forced to break her heart.