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Chapter 20: A New Normal
A few days after Ygraine's birthday, Uther's mood and behavior had returned to normal, just as Arthur had said they would. In some ways, that normal was a good thing. He wasn't losing his temper at the slightest provocation anymore. However, he had also closed himself off again. Hunith had thought that perhaps he would be more open with her, after they had sat together for so long the night of Ygraine's birthday, it had felt like a real break-through when they talked, but he was as distant now as he had ever been.
After yet another supper where she still felt like a guest, dining with a stranger, she decided that something needed to be done about it. The next morning, after she had had breakfast with Merlin, she went to find Uther, hoping to catch him before he got busy with the duties of the day.
He had already left his bedroom by the time she knocked on the door, but a passing guard told her that he could be found in the throne room.
She found him sitting on his throne. He glanced up when she entered, and seemed surprised to see her.
"There's something I'd like to talk to you about, if you have a few minutes to spare," she told him.
Looking puzzled, Uther glanced at his manservant, who waited patiently near the throne to fulfill whatever need or want his lord might have, "When is Lord Col coming to meet with me?"
"Not for another half hour, my lord," the servant responded.
Uther looked at Hunith, "Will that be sufficient time for whatever you wish to discuss?"
She nodded, "I would imagine so. I don't think it will take long."
Uther rose from his throne and gestured for her to follow him, leading her into a smaller room just off the throne room. He used this room to prepare for his duties, and often took his midday meal here as well. It was also used for meetings that required a bit more privacy than the large throne room provided, which Hunith guessed was his intention now.
The room was sparsely furnished, just a small table with a couple of chairs that doubled as a desk, and two larger, more comfortable chairs against one wall, which were used if Uther was meeting with someone.
Uther sat down in one of these chairs, and Hunith took the other.
"What is it you wished to speak to me about?" Uther asked, "Does it have something to do with Arthur? Or Merlin?" Hunith suspected he was remembering their talk just after they had gotten married. "I did speak to Arthur about…. what you told me," he added.
"I'm glad to hear that," Hunith said earnestly, "But no, this isn't about the boys." She hesitated, "Actually, it's about you and I."
"You and I?" Uther repeated, "What do you mean?"
"I think we need to talk about our relationship," Hunith said frankly.
Uther looked uncomfortable, but he simply nodded, "Go on."
Hunith took a deep breath, "Something has to change, Uther. One moment you open up to me, we talk, and I think we've found a real understanding, a connection. And then the next day, you're like a stranger again, as if nothing had passed between us at all. I don't think I can keep doing this for the rest of my life, feeling like we've had a breakthrough and then going back to nothing. We're going to be spending the rest of our lives together, do you really want to do that as strangers?" She couldn't entirely keep the frustration she felt out of her voice, though she was doing her best to sound calm and collected.
Uther was frowning now, "I thought that the boundaries of our relationship were clear to both of us," he said stiffly.
It was about the reaction Hunith had been expecting. "I'm not talking about falling in love, Uther," she answered, "we both know that that isn't something either of us can expect from the other. I would not ask you to change that now."
"What are you asking then?" Uther asked her, his voice still guarded.
"Just because we didn't marry for love doesn't mean we have to act like strangers who happen to share a residence and occasionally a bed," Hunith pointed out frankly, "All I'm asking is that you don't close down and shut me out the next day every time we actually manage to talk."
"I wasn't aware that that was what I was doing," Uther answered, "I am not sure how to act any differently than I have."
Hunith studied his face for a moment. Had he really not known? Did he really not notice the walls he put up? He had had them for so long, maybe he truly didn't. The thought made her sad for him.
"Why don't we just try to be friends?" she suggested, "That seems as good a place to start as any."
Uther frowned slightly, seeming doubtful, "I'm not sure I'm particularly good at being a friend."
Hunith smiled, letting a note of humor enter her tone. "Gorlois seems to tolerate you," she pointed out.
"That's different. Gorlois and I have known each other since we were boys," Uther replied, "he has stood at my side through many things."
"He's a good man," Hunith said, "And if he sees something in you worth liking, then I'm inclined to think I can find the same." Her tone was still half-teasing.
"He has always been better with people than I have," Uther answered, "And I have only found it more difficult since Ygraine died."
His eyes tightened, as they always did when he spoke of his first wife, but the expression soon gave way to an unexpected look of amusement, "When we first met, I wondered if you wished that Gorlois was the one who had come to seek your hand, rather than I."
Hunith laughed a little. "Well…. I can't say the thought didn't cross my mind," she admitted, "He was so friendly and he was genuinely kind to Merlin. He listened to him as if what he had to say had value, not like an adult indulging a child."
"His easy way with people has always amazed me," Uther admitted. "And in the meantime, I managed to insult you with nearly the first sentence I said to you," he added ruefully.
Hunith laughed, "It wasn't the best first impression you could have given me," she admitted, remembering how irritated she had been, "I suppose I can be a bit overprotective when it comes to Merlin, that probably irritated you as much as your comment irritated me." It had been Gorlois who had smoothed things out then, derailing what might have become an argument with a few simple words.
"I did think you were…. overly sensitive," Uther admitted carefully, "But I couldn't truly fault you for caring about your child. I admired it, actually, at least in part."
Hunith met Uther's gaze, her tone growing more serious again, "For what it's worth, I do think that first impression I had of you was mistaken. Or at least, incomplete. I've seen that there's more to you than what you allow to show on the surface," She nearly reached for his hand again, as she had the other night, but she stopped herself, knowing the gesture would make him uncomfortable, "I've come to realize that you and have more in common than I ever would have imagined when we first met. When we talk- genuinely talk, without walls between us, there's a connection, an understanding- surely you feel that too." It couldn't be all in her head.
Uther hesitated, then nodded once, "I do know what you mean," he admitted.
That's why I think we have a chance of being friends, if you're willing to try," Hunith said, her tone quiet, but earnest..
Uther didn't answer right away. He appeared to be thinking her words over.
"I can't promise anything," he said at last, a note of warning in his tone, "As I said, I have never had Gorlois' gift with people. But… I suppose I am willing to try, as you said."
Hunith smiled, "That's all that I ask." She felt a sense of hope. A friendship was more than she had thought possible when she had agreed to marry Uther.
"I think it will be good for the boys as well," she added, "if we're getting along, it will help them adjust to their new normal."
"At the moment, they seem to be doing that better than us," Uther pointed out, "You would think they had known each other their whole lives, from the way they behave."
Hunith smiled, "That's true. Maybe we ought to take lessons from them. Then again, with the way they bicker, perhaps not."
"I am glad to see Arthur adjusting," Uther said, "When I first told him I would be getting married, he didn't seem… quite keen on the idea, and I wasn't sure how he would feel about having another child around either."
"That's understandable," Hunith replied, "It's a big change for a child." She smiled wryly, "It's a big enough change even for an adult."
"I think that Merlin had his misgivings too," she added, "He was worried about leaving home, and our family there." Of course, Merlin had had other fears that she couldn't discuss with Uther, "But I think being in Camelot has been good for him. He's certainly taken to Arthur."
"And Arthur to him," Uther answered, "And I think he has taken to you as well. Ever since you took him on that picnic, he seems more… comfortable with you."
"That was my hope for the outing," Hunith admitted, "I wanted a chance to get to know him a little better, and to let him get to know me. He's a very sweet boy."
"I am glad he is getting along with you," Uther said, but there was something odd in his tone, something that suggested perhaps he wasn't quite as glad as he claimed.
"What are you really thinking?" she asked.
"What do you mean?" Uther's answer came a little too quickly.
Hunith raised an eyebrow at him, "We did just agree to try to be friends and be more open with each other. I can tell you're holding something back."
Uther sighed, "I'm beginning to feel like I'll regret this agreement." After a moment however, he relented, "I am glad that you and Arthur are getting along so well. I… hoped that having a…. woman around might do him good. It is just…. difficult not to think that that woman ought to be Ygraine."
Of course. Hunith nodded in understanding. "I would never try to replace Arthur's mother," she assured him, "I simply want to be there for him, in whatever way he is comfortable with."
"I appreciate that," said Uther slowly, "And I am glad that he seems to trust you. Truly."
There was a knock on the door then, and Uther rose to his feet, "I expect that's my manservant wanting to tell me it's time for my meeting with Lord Col."
Hunith got up too, "I'll see you at supper tonight, then?"
Uther nodded, then hesitated, "Or… perhaps we could have lunch together today as well?"
Hunith smiled. She could tell he was making an effort, and she appreciated it, "I'd like that."
"I will see you in a few hours then." Uther's manservant knocked again, and the king began making his way to the door.
"I'll see you then," Hunith replied, "And, Uther? I'm glad we had a chance to talk."
Uther nodded briskly, and then left the room. Hunith had a feeling he was eager to escape before the conversation got any more emotional, but he had heard her out and agreed to give a friendship between them a chance, and that was all she could truly ask of him.
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