Someone's screaming.
I can't tell how far or close this scream is, only that it breaks through the quiet of my dream. Rolling back and forth on my little single-sized bed, I finally open my eyes to the screaming continuing. The sound is slightly muffled, as if the source is being covered with a pillow. Sitting up I swing my legs off the side of my bed and stand, walking over to the door that is cracked open and glance around the hall. All the lights are off but I am able to tell where the screaming is coming from. Across the hall is Bella's room.
At first, I hurry, thinking something must be seriously wrong until I reach the door and see no movement from the darkness. Slowly opening the door fully, I can see that Bella is screaming in her sleep. I huff. Just a bad dream.
Sitting on the edge of the bed, I press a hand to her shoulder and squeeze gently. Her screaming quietens into muffling groans. Underneath my touch, she shifts and turns over to look up at me. Tears stream down her cheeks and her lips are slightly parted as she breathes heavily. I want to tell her I understand, I know what she's going through, she's not alone - but I don't.
"It's okay," I whisper. "I am here."
It is the only truthful statement I can relay because she's not alone in the fact I am sitting right here but she is alone because I don't know how love feels. Taking a deep breath, I twist to crawl into bed with her, my left hand brushing through her hair, my fingers lacing her scalp and I try to smile for the sake of her inner peace.
"I miss him," I hear her mumble, her eyes lower to look down at something on my neck that isn't there. I am surprised she's bringing him up - I was told by Charlie over the phone, to not talk about him. Bella has only mentioned him a couple of times to me before the breakup. His name was Edward but that's all I know about him.
I debate whether or not I should ask who he is, the time they spent together, what was the reason he broke up with her, where is he now? But I don't. My heart feels heavy in my chest for my sister but it'd feel heavier if I know I can make her experience worse.
"I know." Is all I can say without trudging into memories that may be forbidden.
"Have you been in love, Dani?"
I shake my head. "I've dated guys but I never fell in love."
"It's the best and worst thing in the world," she whispers, closing her eyes, a few new tears drip down the side of her face. "I swore I heard his voice last night."
"Oh?" I ask, tilting my head.
"He was…warning me about something. Am I crazy?" She asks.
I am not sure what to say. Is it typical to hear the voice of a previous loved one after such a heart break? Since I never got attached to anyone, especially friends, I couldn't say. I am sure saying it is a bit crazy might upset her more, drawing her down a different type of spiral of depression so I shake my head again.
"No. I don't think you're crazy," I want to ask more such as, what was he warning her about? Was it something plausible? But I keep quiet instead, wanting her to open up on her own terms but deep down inside, I want to barrage her with questions.
"For the first time in months, I felt like I didn't feel pain."
"Just from hearing his voice?" I suck in a deep breath after the question leaves my lips. My eyes wide as I stare down at her, half expecting her to break into even more tears or yell at me for trying to dive deeper into her personal bubble but she doesn't.
She looks up at me with the smallest smile and nods. "It reminded me that he was real after all. That he wasn't just part of some imaginary world that disappeared before my eyes but then…I got home and sat for a while. The pain returned."
"I am sorry the pain returned, I wish it hadn't."
"It's also another reminder," she sighs. "Hey…since it's Saturday, do you want to go to work with me? You don't have to stay in the store, you can go check out the rest of the storefronts around Newton's."
"Is Newton's where you work? What kind of store is it?"
"Newton's Olympic Outfitters, it is a sporting and hiking goods store. I don't think you'll be interested in anything we sell there," Bella frowns.
"I'll go with you. I like getting out of the house, and exploring sounds like fun."
"Good…" she whispers again, lifting her hands to wipe away the tears from her eyes. She looks tired, exhausted. I wonder how many nights - probably all- that she's woken up screaming. She rests her head back down on her pillow, her eyes closed, and her breathing coming out calm and rhythmic. "Can you stay here…until morning?" She asks.
"Of course," I whisper back, resting my head down on her pillow and closing my eyes. The sweet smell of lavender flows through the air, a scent I didn't notice until silence caught me off guard. My mind swells in the scent until my world dissociates into darkness.
—*-
The rain comes down in the size of quarters as I make my way down the sidewalk, a large umbrella above my head. I didn't go inside with Bella when we pulled up to her job since I saw Mike through the windows. I simply put on my green hoodie, grabbed the umbrella, walked her to the doors, and left. A couple hours later after window shopping I head back.
As much as I don't want to talk to Mike, I am afraid I don't have anything else to do. I barely have any money to be spending on shopping and I feel the need to check on Bella. She was able to get up this morning, get ready for work, and make us all breakfast, but with an aura of dark depression looming around her. It made it hard to eat without feeling like I'd suffocate, myself.
When I reached the medium-sized parking lot of Newton's Olympic Outfitters, I see Bella in her Chevy, the engine roaring to life as she sits in the driver's seat staring out into space through the windshield. I frown at the sight.
Opening the passenger door, I crawl into the cab, folding up the umbrella and shaking off the droplets before throwing it behind the seat. I glance at Bella to see that one arm is wrapped around her torso and tears fill her eyes.
"Bella…" I frown. "Is there anything I can do?"
"It is like a hole has been punched right through me, what if it never gets better?" She asks, looking at me for answers while a tear falls down her cheek.
"You know what we need?" I answer with another question. "A distraction. We need distractions." I look ahead out the windshield and ponder what could help her ease this pain. In all honesty, I had no idea how to help her or what to say to her question. I don't know if it will get better. I know grief does…but sometimes, depending on the person, it could take a real long time - years even, to get over.
She wipes at her eyes with the back of her hand and then at the sweat that dampens her forehead even though it's cold out. "Let's do something stupid and reckless."
I raise a brow when I look at her. "Stupid and reckless? Like what? What will Charlie let us do that is both of those things?"
"Charlie doesn't need to know."
"That's stupid and reckless," I laugh and am surprised to hear a small giggle from her as well.
"Let's drive around and think what we could do," she suggests and waits for my approval, which I nod too. She pulls out of the parking lot and begins our drive along roads that take us into the deeper parts of Forks.
We both are quiet as we think - I half expect Bella to come up with an idea or two since she knows the area better than I do and so knows what it offers but she doesn't say anything. I observe the houses, somehow managing to spot a cardboard sign leaning against a mailbox not too far ahead of us. The sign reads 'FOR SALE, AS IS.' Two rusting motorcycles are sitting in the front yard resting on a pile of yard clippings and dead branches.
"Look!" I point out, "motorcycles. That's stupid and reckless!" Especially to Charlie, who made us promise never to ride on a motorcycle since we were ten.
Bella blinks, her eyes narrowing in an attempt to read the sign through the heavy downpour. She slows down as we approach and pulls over fully next to the sign. "It's perfect…" She mumbles.
"How much money do you think we need?" I ask, tugging at the wallet from the front pocket of my hoodie.
"I got this," she waves at me. She opens the driver's side door and before I can even grab the umbrella to offer to her, she jumps out of the cab and closes the door. She walks casually to the front door of the house and rings the bell. I bite my bottom lip as I watch her, unsure if whoever is behind those doors would report to Charlie on what we plan on doing.
Forks is a small town. Very small. Everyone knows everyone. At least I am told - but most likely everyone knows Charlie, chief of police after all.
Someone opens the door and I see a boy, younger than us, meeting Bella. They exchange words. She turns and heads for the bikes and the boy follows. I take this moment to open the door and climb out into the downpour to help out. Once around the truck, the boy pauses and eyes me, his eyes swimming all over my body which I am grateful is covered by a thick hoodie, though my jeans are tight and don't exactly hide my shape.
"This is my sister," Bella says, taking a hold of one of the bikes and pushing it to the back of the truck.
"Hi," I wave my fingers at him. "Are you helping us with putting them in the back?" I ask.
"There is no way you two are related," he says, slowly making his way to the other bike and following Bella as he pushes it.
"We get that a lot," Bella says.
"Adopted," I lift a hand as I follow him to the back of the truck. It's mostly the boy lifting the bikes himself onto the bed of the truck, with little help from Bella or me since we didn't know where to grab. He struggles a little but he seems confident enough to eye the both of us as he's angling them to rest on their sides against the frame of the truck.
"What are you going to do with them, anyway?" He asks us. "They haven't worked in years."
"I kind of guessed that," Bella shrugs. "Maybe I'll take them to Dowlings."
The boy, who seems like a freshman, snorts. "Dowling would charge more to fix them than they'd be worth running."
"We want to be discreet also, Bella," I nudge her. "Going to an actual mechanic might get us caught."
"Oh? Being sneaky?"
Bella's eyes light up and a weak smile spreads across her face. She turns to me, "I think I know someone who can help us. I know someone who builds cars." She looks over at the boy.
"Oh. That's good." He smiles in relief.
He walks Bella over to the driver's side and I jump into the passenger side without a care about getting the seat wet. I look back at the bikes and smile. I've never ridden one before but it sounds daring and exhilarating. Bella opens the door and I lean over to look the boy in the eye with the nicest smile I can muster.
"Please keep this to yourself, dad won't be too happy with our adventures."
The boy scratches at the back of his head, a big grin on his face. "Of course, no problem. Stay safe you two."
Bella gets in and drives away, we both wave at the boy as we drive off and head home. I'm on the edge of the seat the entire way to the house, my fingers clenching into the seat as I try to force myself from chewing on them.
"What if Charlie's home?" I ask.
"He works today and I don't think he'll get off early," she says this so calmly but I can see by her bouncing her fingers on the wheel of the truck that she's as nervous as I am.
It doesn't take us long to get home and when we arrive Bella tells me to stay in the car as she rushes inside to call Charlie. While the truck runs loudly, I sit and bounce my legs as I wait. I wonder who she knows that builds cars. After a few minutes, Bella is racing back to the car and practically leaps onto the seat as she enters.
"Okay, to La Push."
"I've been to La Push," I admit. As she drives us quickly through the streets. The storm makes the atmosphere dark with curtains of pain falling on us.
"Last night?" She guessed.
"Yeah, I went to the beach. It is where I met Mike and Jacob."
"Jacob? As in Jacob Black?" She asks.
"I don't know his last name. He had long black hair and is Native American."
"Yeah, that's Jacob Black. He's the mechanic friend I mentioned," Bella nods.
"Oh?" My eyes open a little wider than normal as I think back on how I told him I'd be friends with him. I guess I am keeping my word on that since I forgot to ask Bella or Charlie about Jacob. Jacob did say he knew my family, so I supposed that they'd know him. My heart skips a beat as we leave Forks and enter La Push, passing by the beach and turning down some small roads. We pull into a muddy driveway of a small wooden house with narrow windows. Chipping red paint makes the house look very much like a tiny barn. Before we can climb out of the truck, I spot Jacob's head peering out one of the windows closest to the door. It doesn't surprise me that the roaring of the engine gave us away.
We both walk to the house and are met halfway when Jacob comes jogging out with a wide smile. He looks at the two of us with an excited grin stretching across his face, showing off his white teeth that I remember well from the night before.
In the sunlight and not under the cover of darkness and tree canopies, I can see that Jacob is quite handsome. The deep russet color of his skin blends nicely with the rest of his body shape and face. His long black hair dangles like a curtain on either side of his broad face. He definitely looks eighteen or nineteen, like I suspected, but there isn't a sign of child-like features in his face or body that could give way to an earlier age.
"Hey, Jacob!" Bella weakly smiles.
"Hey, Bella, Dani," Jacob stops a few feet away from us and we both have to lean our heads back to look up to him.
"You grew again!" Bella says in amazement.
Had he? I only remember the small boy from all those years ago - how small was he the last time Bella saw him?
Jacob laughs, his smile only growing. "Six five," he announces with his chin lifting in self-confidence.
"For what age?" I ask.
"Eighteen," Jacob eyes me with the same smile.
Thought so.
"Look how strong he's gotten, Dani!" Bella points out, waving her hand in front of his body to exaggerate his appearance.
"What are you talking about? I am still a beanpole," he grimaces. "Come inside! You two are getting soaked."
My eyes explore the length and width of Jacob Black. He is strong, muscled, but not in comparison to Henrick who had the muscles of a football player. My head tilts as I continue to eye him, only glancing away when he turns to open the door for us. We walk in and wait for him to enter before continuing onward.
Jacob has to duck to get through the front door, and he does so while pulling his hair into a ponytail. "Hey, dad," he calls. "Look who stopped by."
There is a man, not too much of an age difference from Charlie, sitting in a wheelchair in the tiny square living room. He has a book in his hands that he sets on his lap as he wheels himself forward to see us.
"Well, what do you know! Is that Bella and…no way! Danica!"
I smile weakly, waving. I am surprised he remembers me because I don't remember him very well. I do recall a couple of Native American gentlemen being around us when we were little or when we visited but I can't say I recall their names. They often visited Charlie and went off fishing or hunting.
Bella steps forward to shake his hand and I follow suit behind her.
"Danica, do you remember Billy?" Bella asks.
"Barely, no offence," I admit sheepishly.
"It's okay. It's been a long while. What brings you out here though? Everything okay with Charlie?" Billy asks.
I glance at Bella since I wasn't sure how to answer without giving us away.
"Charlie's fine. We just wanted to see Jacob - I haven't seen him in a while and since Dani is here, I figured she'd want to see him too."
Jacob's eyes brighten at her words. It looks like he could be blushing.
"Can you two stay for dinner?" Billy asks eagerly.
"No, I've got to feed Charlie, you know."
"I'll call him now," Billy suggests. "He's always invited."
Bella laughs shyly. "It's not like you won't be seeing us. We'll be back - so much so that you'll probably get sick of us."
Billy chuckles and nods. "Okay, maybe next time."
"So, Bella, Dani. What do you two want to do?"
"Whatever. What were you doing before we interrupted?" She asks.
Jacob hesitates, breathing in deeply before answering. "I was just heading out to work on my car, but we can do something else…"
"No, that's perfect!" Bella exclaims. "We'd love to see your car."
I raise a brow at how casual it is for Bella to lie and Jacob doesn't seem convinced either. We're lucky because Billy wheels himself off back into the living room.
"Okay," Jacob says. "It's out back, in the garage."
"Well, let's go," I suggest, waving to Billy as I head out the door first back into the pouring rain.
Thick forestry of trees and shrubbery conceal his 'garage' from the house. The garage is no more than a couple of big preformed sheds that seem bolted together with their interior walls knocked out. Within this shelter, raised on cinder blocks, is a car. I am unfamiliar with the make and model since I am not good at cars or trucks.
"What kind of Volkswagen is that?" Bella asks behind me.
"It's an old Rabbit - 1986, a classic."
"How's it going?" She continues.
"Almost finished," he says cheerfully but his tone lowers. "My dad made good on his promise last spring."
"What promise?" I ask.
"Let's not talk about it," Bella says with a drop in tone of her own. "Jacob, what do you know about motorcycles?"
She's quick to change the subject, meaning that whatever the promise was had to do with something correlating to her current depression.
Jacob shrugs. "Some. My friend Embry has a dirt bike. We work on it together sometimes. Why?"
"Well," Bella looks over at me and I smile.
"I've convinced her to get us a couple of bikes," I say. This will help solidify me as the troublemaker if Jacob does go to Charlie with this information. I'd rather be the one in trouble than Bella.
"They aren't in the greatest condition. We were wondering if you could get them running?" Bella asks.
"Cool." Jacob appears excited about this arrangement. His face glows. "I'll give it a try."
"You'll have to keep this a secret," I mention. "Charlie doesn't approve of motorcycles. So you can't tell your dad either."
"Sure, sure." Jacob smiles. "I understand."
"Awe, thanks, Jake," I run my fingers down his bicep and he smiles even brighter.
"I'll pay you," Bella says.
Jacob's face scrunches at her comment, offended. "No. I want to help. You can't pay me."
Bella glances at me. "We'll only need one bike, right, Dani? We can share the one and give you the second, but you must teach us how to ride them, too."
"Sweet," Jacob grins. "When will you bring them down?"
I chuckle to myself, and he looks at the two of us confused.
Bella bites her lip, "they're in the back of my truck now."
"Great." He seems to mean it.
"Will Billy see if we bring them around?"
He winks at her, "we'll be sneaky."
We stick to the trees most of the time when we round to the truck but when we are in view of the windows, we act as if it's a casual stroll. I watch Jacob as he unloads the bikes one by one, by himself, swift and easily. He wheels them into the shrubbery where Bella and I hide. My brows raise, not able to add up in my head how heavy those bikes were with how Jacob is able to move them with such ease.
"These aren't half bad," Jacob appraises them as Jacob and I push them through the cover of the trees. "This one here will actually be worth something when I'm done - it's an old Harley Sprint."
"That one's yours, then." Bella says.
"Are you sure?"
"Absolutely, right, Dani?"
"Yeah, of course," I nod.
"These are going to take some cash, though," he frowns down at the blackened metal of the bike he pushes. "We'll have to save up for ports first."
"We nothing," Bella disagrees. "If you're doing this for free, I'll pay for the parts."
"I'll chip in also!" I exclaim, feeling as if I have been using them this entire time.
"I don't know…" he mutters.
"I've got some money saved. College fund, you know."
Jacob nods.
We sneak back to the makeshift garage and roll them inside. Bella and I got lucky. The friend I so happened to make last night would be our salvation, Bella's distraction, and on the roll of stupid and reckless. He'll help me, help her, with whatever she needs to mend her broken heart. I won't be alone on this endeavor.