Sorry for my bad English.
I killed this fic before even began? Really? Just because is not an Arkos?
What about the stories what are Knightshade? Or Lancaster?
It has been a while since I decide to start a fanfiction and I always was open to some criticism but one of the reviews I received seems that the one who posted didn't even read the first chapter before post the review. This made me wish to complain about it for the first time ever. And I know for experience that there are just a few readers interested in stories based on OCs but the reason I am complaining is about the idea that almost no one would take interest in that history just because the possibility of not be an Arkos fic.
I read a lot of fictions before even make a account on this site and I already see a lot of stories what are no Arkos to be very good written and with a well developed story. I just couldn't believe that two of the reviews I received are just because something like that.
Also, if I would ship Jaune with a OC I would let clear in the description. If some readers are thinking the OC will be Jaune's love partner before they even read the first chapter so it is they who are making assumptions. If this fic will become an Arkos or not, will depend of the development of the history. That's how I work and worked well so far.
To the third review: While is true that I made a mistake with the title, is like that we write stories here in Brazil and I will not do different just because are Americans reading what I write.
I'm already used to complains about my grammar but is the first time someone complain about the style I'm writing the fanfiction. I'm open to any type of review but only those what are not from some fans who seems to be bothered the fact I will not ship a character with another.
I myself have my own choices for who character should be shipped with who but I don't go around complaining just because the ship is the different from what I choose. Perhaps for be the first time this happens to me that I have the feel of complaining about it but is not something I will keep doing to not waste time, with that said I already wasted enough time with this complain.
To the fic!
Auditorium
Pyrrha and Ruby grew in panic. Not only they did not have any news from Jaune but also discovered that he with his partner not returned from the Emerald Forest. Yeah, Ruby listened when Ozpin said that they didn't came back from the forest. Both teams also come to the headmaster after their teammates and overheard what he said.
-Ozpin, sir. –Ruby began. –What we going to do now? They must be in some trouble?
-I'm assure you Ms. Rose that the only problem here is that they are late.
-Late? –Nora asked. –What do you mean by late?
-Exactly what I mean Ms. Valkyrie. –Ozpin said before give a sip on his mug and then continue. –As you all know, the initiation must be completed if you retrieve the relic from the temple but to not take more time than necessary, the time limit for the initiation is until the dawn to complete.
-Wait. –Pyrrha began. –If the dawn is the time limit, so that means…
-I afraid so Ms. Nikos. –Ozpin said with his natural poker face as he pulled his scroll. –Right now, we are trying to located Mr. Arc and Mr. Forest in the forest, with little success, unfortunately.
-Sir. –Ruby began. –What if they are somewhere they are not suppose to be?
-The only place they not suppose to be during the initiation is… -Ozpin stopped when his scroll start to ring from a call. -… yes Glynda?
-Ozpin, they are in the Danger Zone.
-Danger Zone? –Weiss asked. –Ozpin, sir. What do you mean by "Danger Zone?"
-It is… a part of Emerald Forest separated from where the students do their initiation. –Ozpin explained as he put his scroll on the nearly table. –We put that part separated from the rest of the forest duo the type of grimms who reside in that part of the forest.
-It is not dangerous to have this part of the forest free to anyone, including students, open to anyone to walk freely? –Ren asked.
-I'm assure you Mr. Ren that we took the necessary action to separated this part of the forest from the one where the candidates do the initiation.
-Don't seems that the action was enough, sir. –Glynda Goodwitch said approaching the headmaster and the two teams. –It seems we underestimate the power those grimms have.
Once she finished her talk, she showed to the headmaster a footage from the forest showing huge wall. The teams also took a peak on the footage. Probably was the action Ozpin said they took, a huge wall that separate the forest.
-What type of grimm could make this kind of damage? –Chocolat asked staring at the photo of the five-inch-thick wall with a hole big enough to fit a person.
-We will discover that now Ms. Cream. –Glynda said as she pushed some buttons on her scroll and the scene changed to a footage in the morning, when the wall was still in one piece. –Let's see what was the responsible for this hole?
The teams gathered behind the teachers for curiosity to watch the footage. Everyone's eyes open wide as plates they see appearing on the footage none than the newly formed partners Jaune Arc and Ryan Forest. The duo was standing in front of the wall, looking around like they did not know where they were going.
-On the video screen-
-Are you sure that was the path we should go? –Ryan asked on the footage, looking at the wall.
-Yes, I'm sure.
-But what about that wall? –Ryan asked looking at Jaune.
-It must be part of the initiation. –Jaune explained. –Like, you know, a obstacle we need to overcome to reach the temple?
-Make sense. I guess? –Ryan said while looking back at the wall.
-Now we must think in a way to how pass through that wall. –Jaune said as he look at Ryan. –Alright, we must some vines, twigs, some leafs, something to glue them together to… -He stopped his talk when notices his partner had raised his arm and punch the wall, opening a hole on the concrete. –That works too. Man! You are strong!
-I heard that before. –Ryan said as he walked through the hole, followed by Jaune to the dangerous part of the Emerald Forest.
-End of the footage-
They stood in silence for a moment, having a hard time to believe in what they saw. Nora was the first one to break the silence.
-Wow… I didn't see that coming.
-Glynda. –Ozpin spoke. –We need send someone to the Danger Zone and retrieve Mr. Arc and Mr. Forest from there. –The blonde teacher nodded and left. Closing his scroll, he turn around to both teams. –The ceremony is over. You all should go to your designed dorms.
-But sir! –Pyrrha spoke. –What about Jaune and Forest?
-As you just witnessed, Glynda will send someone to the Danger Zone to rescue their both. –With that he took his leave but look one last time to both teams. –Please, have faith on them.
With that said, he left while looking at his scroll.
-Easier said than done. –Yang mumbled receiving a nod from her sister.
-So all we can do is wait? –Pyrrha asked.
-I afraid so. –Chocolat spoke.
With that, the teams went to their own dorm rooms, with the redhead from both teams praying for the safety of their friend.
Back in the morning
Emerald Forest – Danger Zone
-Are we there yet? –Jaune asked. Unfortunately, they were walking already make a lot of time. It seemed that no matter how long they walked, they would not find that stupid temple. –We should already had reached the temple from what I saw.
-You could see the temple while spinning in midair?
-Well, actually was two seconds before you hit me on midair. –Jaune said scratching his head. –How did you do that anyway?
-I used my semblance.
-Your what?
-My semblance? –Jaune still seemed confuse about what he said. -Y'know? The manifestation of someone's personal power? Effects varying from user to user? –Jaune still seemed to not understand. –Jaune, do you know what is a semblance, right?
-What? Pfft! Yeah! Of course I know. The question is… you know?
-I kinda just explained to you right now. –Ryan deadpanned.
-Oh. Right. Aaanyway, how it works your semblance?
-I can absorb energy.
-Like some kind of human battery?
-Yeah. But I can also absorb dust, what give me different types of abilities.
-Dust?
After Jaune made the question, both of them remained quiet in a awkward silence before Ryan turn around and start to walk again.
-Let's just find this temple.
The duo walked through the forest, trying to find the temple they did not know that was on the opposite side they were walking. They both felt a uneasy feeling as they go deeper on the trees. After some time walking, they reached a little mount of rock.
-Hey! Let's see on the top of this mount if we are getting closer. –Jaune said.
They walked to the top of the circular mount only to find out that it was not high enough to them see above the trees.
-Do you not think that is strange? –Ryan asked as he look around.
-What is strange?
-We have been walking make a while already. –Ryan pointed out. –But we not found nobody else. Not a living human soul.
-Stop to think about it… -Jaune said getting himself in some thoughts. –Maybe none of them were able to pass through the wall yet?
-Maybe. But still… -Ryan could shake off the feeling something wrong going on as they walked the forest. But he did not have time to think as the little mount they were above start to move by itself. –I did nothing! –Ryan shout.
The tremors were strong enough to shake both boys from the top and star to roll back on the grass. Once they sit down on the ground, they saw two legs come from the rock, then two more and finally, in the front emerged a head. The turtle grimm just reveal itself for them.
-It is a turtle! –Jaune shout. –A big, BIG Turtle!
-A Rockshell!? Here?! –Ryan shout in disbelief.
The Rockshell, a big turtle grimm, big as a Deathstalker, rose from his sleep and immediately notice something he don't see make a while now.
Humans. He already had his mouth watering just thinking about his meal. Both boys stared at the monster for a moment before Ryan break the silence.
-So, what we do?
-It will be okay for you if we run for ours lives?
-I wouldn't want in other way. –Ryan politely said before the duo start to scream and run away from the monster. –Do you think we will be able to run from him?
-C'mon! It is a turtle! They are naturally slow.
But Jaune have so swallow his words when the grimms, for their surprise, just jumped from his four feets and nearly crashed on the boys, missing just a few meters behind them.
-I REALLY didn't know they could jump!
-Ryan! Do something?!
-Why me?
-Because you are the one with the revolvers! -Remembering of his weapons, Ryan quickly pushed both guns and aimed to the grimm behind them and pulled both triggers. Nothing happened. Ryan tried again, again, again only to discover that… -You didn't reloaded you guns!? –Jaune shout while still running.
-It is a honest mistake okay?! –Ryan shout back as the grimm nearly landed next to them again. This time more closer than the last time. Ryan quickly reloaded both guns and shot at the grimm but the bullets didn't made even a scratch against the shell of the grimm. –What?! I can open holes with the size of a person with each shot! –Ryan shout.
The grimm landed closer enough to the shockwave cause by his weight make both boys stumble a little. While recovering his feet, Jaune notice a little amount of sand not far from where they were.
-I got a idea. Follow me! –Ryan followed Jaune and both boys stood above the amount of sand.
-Why we stopped?
-Just wait. –The grimm could be see from above ready to crush the duo with his shell, then Jaune shout. –Jump!
The both jumped off the way and the grimm landed deep on the sand, trapping him. The monster tried to move away but was to deep in the floor to free himself. The duo slowly approached the grimm with disbelief looks on their faces.
-It worked. –Ryan said.
-I can't believe it either.
-Wait? You didn't know if was going to work or not?
-I kind acted on instinct.
-And if it didn't worked?
-So we should be still running for our lives. –Once Jaune finished his sentence, the grimm start to make some strange noises. Both boys look at the turtle grimm with skeptical looks. Then it turned in surprise when from the four holes of his legs came jets of air sending the grimm flying to the air. –What the actual hell?!
-The turtle from my class on pre-school did not know how to do that. –The Rockshell came falling back ready to smash the boys. –What did you said early about run for our lives?
-I know what I said! Run!
Again they start a chase on the forest. The turtle grimm time from time almost smashing the boys if they did not jump off the way on the last seconds. The Rockshell then start to use the jets of air to spin around his shell while protecting his head inside of his shell. Spinning and going after the candidates.
-What the-when did this become one of those stupid animes? –Jaune asked then remembered of something. –Ryan, you was able to punch through the wall. Can't you just punch his shell?
-I don't know. I mean… -Ryan's eye widened before jump away from the grimms spinning shell, what crashed on the nearby rock formation. -… I mean, it said that the shell of that grimm is stronger like those metals Atlas use on their ships.
-Can you at least try?
Ryan didn't have the chance to answer when the grimm come flying from the destroyed rock formation and going on the direction of the boys. Ryan was the type of run from the danger, but seeing that the turtle would not let them run away so easily, he decide to try Jaune's idea. He did not know if his strength alone would be enough to give some damage on that shell and he did not have any earth dust with him to use, but at least as Jaune said, he could try.
The shell came spinning wildly, crashing anything on it path, be trees or rocks.
-I don't think will be that simple.
-Just wait my sign. Then jump off the way.
-Your last plan didn't work well.
-I know! –Jaune shout as they wait for the spinning shell to come. –Now! –Again they jumped off the way of the spinning shell with both boy on both sides. –Hit him! –Jaune shout and Ryan complied.
The legs have approximately four times more strength than the arms so Ryan decide to use a kick on the shell of the grimm. The kick wasn't strong enough to break his shell but was strong enough to send the grimm spinning in a different angle to before, resulting with him falling on his back, like a turtle upside, the grimm balanced his four leg trying to get himself free.
Ryan jumped on his belly and raised his fist high in the sky and crushed his fist on the shell of the grimm. He used enough force to create a shockwave on the area and make the grimm go deeper on the ground. Was enough only to cause a small crack on his shell.
-Finish him! –Jaune shout as he threw his sword to Ryan.
He quickly positioned the sword on the crack on the shell, pointed his gun to the point of the holder of the sword and pulled the trigger. The impact of the shot send the sword down straight to the grimms body. The monster screamed in pain for a moment before stop to move.
When Jaune was about to yell "We did", Ryan screamed in pain as he held his arm high while holding with his other hand. He literally rolled off from the grimm's bottom and rolled down on the grass, still holding his hand.
-Damn! –He shout. –I never hit something so hard since I was a child. –He said as he stood up and waved his hand around to relieve the pain.
The grimm's carcass start to disintegrate and Jaune's sword fell down on the grass. Jaune quickly grabbed back his weapon and put back on the sheath.
-Alright. –The knight said. –It is the first victory for the Jaune and Ryan's duo. –While Jaune celebrated their little victory over the turtle grimm, he notices his parter had stopped waving his hand and now was looking to where the grimm's body was. –Something is wrong?
-Did you really think that is a good idea to send students face this type of grimm?
-I think we just got bad luck with this one. –Jaune said scratching his head.
-Or perhaps that wall was not part of the initiation?
-But to keep some dangerous grimms away from the part of the forest where the initiation is happening. –After realize what happened, both boys could agree in one thing. –We should go back right now!
-But where is the wall anyway?
Jaune and Ryan look around the forest and only see woods and trees surrounding them. It seems that they lost the sight of the wall after run away from the Rockshell and now… they were lost.
-Seriously?! How come we are not seeing a wall that big?!
End of the chapter.
I already saw OCs who were used in more than one fic, Ryan is one of them. just want to keep using the chracters I already have than keep making more and more to the point of me forgeting about them. This happened once on the first fic I made focused on my OCs. About Chocolat, she also is a character who I already used, if you are interested, she also is part of my OC based fic, but she is with a different name, for reasons I will reveal on the other fic, or this one, whatever go first.
That's all folks, see you next time.