March 20th 2024

Chapter 80
The Love in Support

It would sort of catch him off guard a lot of the time. It wasn't as though he didn't know that the day was coming, he'd been preparing for it for months, but it was almost time now, and so it would never really get a chance to get too far out of his mind. The date for his new book's release had not been chosen by him and, if he did have any choice, he would not have chosen this one, so very, very close to the anniversary of his mother's passing. He might have said something, he realized. Early on, when it had been presented to him as the chosen date, but he just hadn't done it, hadn't… dared? Would that be the right way to put it? Probably not, no.

The closer they got to it without it being moved, he tried to tell himself that maybe it was a good thing. The day was not one he could ever look to as a happy one, the day he had learned that his mother had been killed in that accident. And here he was, about to put out this book, this labor of love he'd put together in honor of her father, and maybe even in her honor, too, after he'd lost her… He could just imagine how she would have reacted when he told her that he was doing this, and then later on when it would have come out… Oh, she would have been the best person to have out there to get the word out about his book. In a very strange way, having those two days so close to each other was almost reconciled by the notion that it made him think about her that much more, which brought her out among them, to be part of this new legacy.

It certainly helped to shift his mood somewhere happier as they approached the anniversary. There were plenty of things around him to help make that happen, his family, the baby, now the book… This year would mark four years since she'd been taken from them, and it was never going to be easy, no matter what. But he would also see his children, see their excitement for the book coming out… It would never not put a smile on his face to see them be drawn to just pick up one of the copies they had in the house, just to hold it, just to look at it… Sometimes they would sit and turn the pages, read parts of it, or look at the few photos that were included inside… Those of them who were able to would sometimes read a bit of it, and even if they couldn't, they would sit and pretend as though they could. Aubrey did this a lot, and if they asked her what she thought about it, she would very honestly point out that she could not read, but she was still very sure that it was wonderful.

"Pappy Tom! Pappy Tom's here!" Lucy gasped, that morning, as she happened to see out the window when his car came up the road and turned toward their house. Lucas had just been in the middle of reading out a passage from the book, at some of the girls' request, but he lost his audience at this, everyone except Mackenzie scrambling to look out the window, too, before rushing to the door to let the man in.

If there was anyone out there who would be in a similar headspace at this moment in time, it would be his father, and as much as he was able to smile here, greatly inspired by the presence of his grandchildren crowding around him, Lucas could see the grief weighing on his father, made heavier now that the anniversary was so very near. The month of February beginning had long been cause for smiles, for silliness, but that had all changed over the last few years, and Lucas only wished it didn't have to be so. There was nothing for them to do about it except to continue doing what they did now, supporting one another, helping one another to take hold of joy.

His father was doing that now, as he was bombarded by his grandchildren's exciting words. He didn't stay there, just inside the door, instead working to ever so casually redirect the flood of them toward the living room, the better to get to sit by his granddaughter with the healing leg. He was never so bright and colorful as when they were all with him like this, and it did Lucas so much good to see them with him. The younger ones had a different view of all of this, he realized, but the older they got, he knew they were starting to understand it more, and he didn't know how to feel about it.

"Ah, there she is," Thomas beamed when he spotted his daughter-in-law coming down the stairs. The kids scattered back to play even as she made it over to greet him, and Lucas didn't know that there could ever be anything that made him happier than seeing how happy his father got as he interacted with Maya, as he looked forward to the birth of his new grandson… She was the shining beacon that chased away some of the clouds from around him right now, more than anything, and Lucas knew she was fully aware, and that she was doing everything in her power to honor that, both for Thomas' sake and for her late mother-in-law.

"He's doing just fine, growing right on schedule, right where we need him to be," Maya promised when Thomas asked after the baby's progress, and he received this news like the wonder that it was for him. He would speak to his unborn grandson, inciting him to maybe make himself known, and by the smirk on Maya's face, Lucas knew she was thinking about him and his 'conferences' with their son in the morning. They were really not that different, were they?

After Maya was forced to retreat back upstairs, to carry on with the week's batch of diaries after she'd already been delayed, Lucas was left with his father, just the two of them, and almost right away Thomas' attention was drawn to the book left behind on the couch. Melinda Friar may not have been there to shower her son with love and praise over this thing he had created, but her husband was there, and he could do as she would have done, enough for the both of them. Thomas never missed a chance to let Lucas know how impressed he was. He told him how this whole book was something that Melinda would have absolutely loved, of course, but also how he was in awe of the care and attention he had given to this part of the Sullivans' family history that they had not been so familiar with.

"You know, of all the things I could have imagined for your future, and I did have so many ideas, especially when you were about to be born, not unlike your boy now… I could not have imagined something like this. The ranch, that's one thing, but this right here?" Thomas shook his head, smiling as his thumb touched the name printed at the top of the cover.

Lucas felt a jolt, too. He could not speak for his father, but his mind went back to those days, in middle school, after his return from suspension, when it'd be the two of them, quiet, driving there and back in the morning, in the afternoons… He didn't have much in the way of a solid image for his future at the time, and he couldn't have pictured any of this either.

"I'm worried about your grandfather," Thomas spoke, bringing Lucas back from within his thoughts, and it took a moment for him to realize what it was that his father had told him. He blinked, looking back at him, and eventually Thomas turned his head to look at him. "He hasn't been doing well since we lost Patty," he went on, with a shake of the head to indicate that they both knew this, but it needed to be said. "But I was hoping that, with a bit of time, something would change… settle…" he sighed, bowing his head. "Lately, it just feels like he's starting to give up. And I know that he's getting on in years, so something like this was bound to hit hard, but I don't see how we're supposed to get him back from this. I'm not sure we can, but we still have to try, we have to…" The words failed him, but Lucas understood well enough. He'd had similar fears almost four years ago, right after his mother's passing. He'd looked at his father and, having lost one parent, he was left with the sudden tangibility of 'what happens when he's gone, too?'

And obviously he had been noticing his grandfather's decline as much as his father had been seeing it. He had grown up and seen his grandfather suffer the loss of his first wife. His memories of that time were obviously tinted by childhood, as he'd been younger than the triplets were now when his Nana Susannah had passed, but it had touched him enough that he could never forget it completely. Years had gone on, and Pappy Joe had become a lot like the Pappy Joe he'd been before, but at the same time he really had never been exactly like the Pappy Joe that Lucas had known before, and that was something he hadn't been able to understand so well at the time. He knew it now, though. He knew that what had followed may have felt very much like his old Pappy Joe, but it was a new version of him, born out of the loss of the woman he loved. He was the version of him that came after, that walked with the weight of the grief.

He had carried that grief even after he'd met and married Patty, just as she'd carried her own grief for her first husband, but they had supported it all together. Now, not only did he not have someone there to help him carry the load, already weighed down before all that by the loss of his young daughter, he also had to carry this new load, the grief for Patty. And it just got to the point where they had to wonder how much weight a single man could carry. All those losses, and he was not so young as he used to be… There was just no point presuming surprise for this decline, but worry… worry they would all have to deal with.

"We'll… We'll just have to help him… Whatever way we can. And we will, Dad. I promise," Lucas told him. Thomas turned a look to him that made him feel just a bit of regret. He had not lied, and his word of promise was as bound as ever. They would do what they could to help him. Still, it was very difficult not to feel as though, to some degree, he should not have promised, not with something like this, when it could so very easily be taken out of their control.

"I know, Luke," Thomas breathed out anyway, tapping his son's knee. "I guess… I still needed to hear you say it." Lucas set his hand at his father's shoulder, and when his father reached up to put his own hand over his, he felt that old dread again. His father wasn't getting any younger either, was he? He looked solid now, but what it do to him if his father just went and wasted away into nothing… Suddenly, it didn't feel as though it was just about helping Pappy Joe anymore. It was about their family as a whole, and he couldn't let any of them down.

TO BE CONTINUED

See you tomorrow! - mooners