Welcome back, spook fans! Time for our next installment, this time based around the episode "Innocent Until Proven Ghostly." And it looks like we have another parallel! Both shows in this crossover have had an episode about the ghost characters being accused of a theft! It's incredible to me how similar these two cartoons are beyond just being about ghosts.
But even though this Molly episode has a near-identical plot to "Columboo," I actually ended up making more references to "Aboove the Law," which is one of my favorite episodes of the series. Definitely one of the Trio's best and funniest performances in my opinion and I highly recommend giving it a watch on your own time.
Also, anyone else find it weird that this episode didn't include a song? I guess due to its structure, they had to cut it for time or something, but still, it's literally the only episode that does this. I probably could have written up my own song for this chapter, but in the end, I decided to just make a joke about it instead. Oh well.
Let's get started!
Stretch, Stinkie, & Fatso: Muahahahahahaaaa!
Molly: Can't believe you're all mine
Fatso: Uh, what?
Molly: You and me for all time
Stretch: No way!
Molly: I'm never, ever, EVER gonna be alone again
Stinkie: This stinks!
Molly: It's just you three and me
Fatso: For all eternity?!
Molly: For all ETERNITY!
Stretch, Stinkie, & Fatso: NOOOO!
Molly & Ghostly Trio: It's the Ghost-Ghostly Trio and Molly McGee
Fatso: We've been cursed!
Stinkie: It's the worst!
Molly: Now you're stuck with me
Molly & Ghostly Trio: We're never gonna be apart
Stretch: Is there a way to hit 'restart'?
Molly: Nope!
Molly & Ghostly Trio: We're the Ghost-Ghostly Trio and Molly McGee
Molly: That's me!
Stinkie: Well, that's she. Hee, hee, hee!
Molly & Ghostly Trio: Ghostly Trio and Molly McGee!
Fatso: Oh yeah!
Chapter 25
The Specter Inspector
Innocence…
Justice…
Passion…fruit crumb cake.
"Hello…" Molly McGee greeted sinisterly to her audience. "And welcome to…"
Suddenly, the camera that was filming her fell over.
"Stretch! Not again!"
"Oopsie…" Stretch's sarcastic voice came from off-camera. "My hand slipped."
Molly picked the camera up. "You used that excuse the last four times. I know you're doing it on purpose!"
Stretch flew into view. "So what? What are ya filmin' for anyway?"
"Yeah, your last movie was such a flop, I thought you woulda folded up the director's chair for good by now." Stinkie claimed.
"I'm filming because I want to tell my audience the story of what happened today." Molly informed her ghost friends.
"Audience?" Stretch snorted. "What audience? You ain't got an audience!"
"That you're aware of anyway." Fatso winked toward the readers.
"Look, I've always wanted to be one of those detectives on TV, so can you just let me have this?" Molly demanded, turning the camera so it only focused on her. "Sorry about that. Like I was saying, this is 'Paranormal Happenings And Nightmarish Tales Of Mystery. Or, P.H.A.N.T.O.M. for short. Tonight's episode is about a crime so devastating, so jaw-dropping, and so twisted, it shook the McGee family to its core…this is the recounting of: 'The Crumb Cake Caper.'"
"Dun-dun-dunnnnn!"
"Fatso!"
"What? Just providin' sound effects!"
"Aw, who needs sound effects?" Stinkie snickered. "I've got somethin' even better. Smell effects!"
"Stinkie, wait! No!" Molly begged.
But Stinkie had already blown a horrible stench cloud in her face, causing her to choke and eventually faint.
"Cut…" she weakly held a finger up in front of the camera.
Later, after the room cleared, Molly continued retelling the events that had occurred earlier that day.
"Our story starts on the most romantic day of the year…"
Molly recalled laying on the living room couch that afternoon, when suddenly, Pete dashed in and spread heart decorations all over the place.
"Happy anniversary, Dad!" Molly called as Pete sprinted into the basement with a heart-shaped card bigger than his head.
Molly shook her head amusedly. Her dad always went all out on his and Sharon's anniversary. Every year, he would make dinner, put up dozens of decorations, and most importantly, bake his world-famous passion fruit crumb cake, the exact same one the couple had shared on their first date. This year, Pete was already way ahead of schedule. The whole house was covered head to toe with hearts, his confetti-filled card to Sharon had been delivered, and the cake was fully decorated, too. The only thing missing were the handmade figures of Pete and Sharon for the top of the cake. But right as Pete was about to put them on, he saw something so horrifying that he ended up dropping the happy glass couple and they shattered upon hitting the floor.
"AAAAAAAHHHHH!"
The Ghostly Trio were outside sunbathing when they heard Pete's cry. It was so loud, it made Fatso jump and accidentally squirt sunscream (a sunscreen for ghosts) onto Stretch and Stinkie. The two gave him annoyed scowls.
"Oops…" Fatso smiled sheepishly.
The rest of the McGees had heard the scream and rushed into the kitchen to see what was wrong (Darryl even taking out his phone to film in case the situation was MeTube-worthy). To their utter horror, the top half of Pete's body was sprawled out across the counter and the apron he was wearing was coated with dark pink stuff. Right when the family was about to assume the worst, Pete jolted upward, sobbing madly, revealing the stuff to actually just be cake frosting left on the counter.
"NOOOOOO!"
Molly, Darryl, and Sharon sighed with relief right as the Trio came inside.
"Geez Pete," Sharon complained. "Always with the dramatics. We thought you were…well, you know…" she slid her finger across her throat.
"I may as well be!" Pete grabbed his wife by the collar. "It's my passion fruit crumb cake! It's…it's…"
"Yes?"
"Just look!"
Pete pointed to a glass dome where he had put the cake originally. All that was left were a few crumbs. Stretch lifted the dome to get a better look.
"Huh. Well, ya nailed the 'crumb' part. Not so much the 'fruit' or 'cake' parts though."
"Probably coulda used a little more 'passion' too." Stinkie joked.
"It had all of that!" Pete insisted. "What must have happened is someone ate the whole thing when I wasn't looking! But what kind of inhuman, gluttonous monster would do such a horrible thing?"
As soon as he asked that question, the family heard the sound of messy eating from behind them. They turned to see Fatso stuffing himself with cookies.
"What? I ain't leavin' any crumbs, see?"
Pete glared at him. "You mean, you're not leaving any crumbs this time, you cake thief!"
Fatso dropped the cookie jar. "Wait, me? You think I did this? C'mon! That's nuts! Think about it; is stealin' other people's food really somethin' I would do?"
"Cue the flashbacks!" Stretch ordered.
A montage of all the times Fatso had hoarded food from the McGees was shown. First, there was the time he hid in Pete's bowl of chips while he was watching football.
"Mm! Great game, huh?" he asked between mouthfuls of sour cream and vinegar.
Another time, Darryl found him hiding under the floorboards with a secret stash of chocolate bars.
"…You saw nothing!" Fatso threatened with chocolate all over his face.
Finally, there was the time Sharon reached her hand into the fridge to grab a drumstick only to realize Fatso had gotten to it before she did.
When the flashbacks ended, Fatso gave a nervous chuckle.
"Okay, so it is somethin' I would do. But this time, it wasn't me! I swear!"
"You expect us to believe that?" Pete scoffed.
"It's true! I've been outside all mornin'! Stretch and Stinkie can vouch for me, right fellas?"
Stretch shrugged. "Well, technically we was asleep that whole time."
"And even if we weren't, ya still could have poofed away while we weren't lookin'." Stinkie pointed out.
"What?! But-but…" Fatso stammered.
"I dunno. Sounds to me like you're guilty as charged." Stretch guessed.
"Yep." Stinkie nodded. "And here I thought you were too soft to pull off a prank that despicable. Way to prove us wrong, bro! We're proud of ya."
"But I didn't do it!" Fatso turned to the others. "Sharon? Darryl? Help me out here!"
"Maybe you should just come clean, big fella." Sharon told him.
"Stick to your story." Darryl advised. "Don't let 'em break you."
Fatso looked at Molly with big, sad eyes. "Molly? You believe me right?"
Molly winced. "Well…you have stolen a lot of food…but you're also one of my best friends…"
"Exactly!" Fatso hugged her. "And best friends stand by each other! You taught me that!"
Molly pressed her face against his. "Fatso…look at my eyes. Do you 'Molly McGee guarantee' you didn't steal Dad's cake?"
Fatso raised his right hand. "I 100% 'Molly McGee guarantee' it!"
The two then proceeded to do a complicated handshake with way too many steps to count.
"Uh…what's happening here?" Pete asked.
"It's the 'Molly McGee guarantee' handshake." Stretch explained.
"It's like if a pinky promise was dipped in a blood oath and wrapped in the American constitution." Stinkie added.
"Why does it have so many steps?" Sharon inquired.
"Molly says it's to 'better forge the bond of trust,'" Stretch used air quotes. "But really I think it's cause she likes draggin' things out for no reason."
"Quiet, Stretch!" Molly commanded, still doing the handshake. "It's more fun this way!"
Finally, Molly and Fatso got to the last step.
"I believe you, Fatso." she said. "And that's why I'm going to do whatever it takes to prove your innocence! Everyone! Into the living room!"
"Uh…for what, exactly?" Darryl questioned.
"No time for explanations! Just go, go, GO!"
The others did as they were told and gathered into the living room like Molly asked. A few minutes later, Molly came in with a few chairs, as well as a pair of boxes labeled "Defendant" and "Witness." She stepped onto the coffee table with a broom in her right hand, a coat hanger holding a tie and a loofah in her left, and a blindfold over her eyes.
"Okay, so uh…what's going on here, Molly?" Pete spoke up.
"Justice is what's-ow!" Molly started to say until she stepped off the table and fell flat on her face. She got back up and removed her blindfold. "Justice is what's going on! I'm going to prove today without a shadow of a doubt that my client, Fatso, is completely innocent!"
Molly set Fatso down into the defendant box.
"Hey, fellas?" Fatso whispered to Stretch and Stinkie. "What's this box say? I can't read it from in here."
"'Defendant.'" Stinkie read aloud.
"Well, she always bakes me cookies. And sometimes she reads me bedtime stories. And she gives the best Christmas presents." Fatso listed off.
"What the heck are you doin'?" Stretch demanded.
"Defending my aunt, like you said."
"Maybe you should practice your right to remain silent!" Stretch tied Fatso's lips into a knot.
Molly scratched her chin at the scene. "Hm…harsh, yet persuasive. Intimidating, but direct. How'd you two like to be my cross-examiners?"
Stretch and Stinkie jumped at the opportunity.
"Scarin' fleshies into tellin' the truth?" Stretch recapped. "Sounds like the perfect job for a ghost!"
The two disappeared and reappeared in suits.
"All arise for the legal team of Stink Bomb and Stretch Mark!" Stinkie ordered.
Molly raised an eyebrow at them. "Uh…what?"
"It's our court room lawyer names." Fatso told her. "I go by Fatsenburger myself."
"Okay then…" Molly continued. "And not only am I going to prove Fatso's innocence, but I'm going to expose the real crumb cake crook! The true passion fruit pastry pilferer! The uh…um…"
"Sweet treat swindler?" Sharon suggested.
Molly smirked. "Funny you should say that. Because Fatso wasn't the only one with a motive…" she pulled out a chart she had assembled with various pictures of her family. "Was he, Mother?"
The next thing Sharon knew, she was in the witness box.
"This is ridiculous!" Sharon argued. "The cake was for me! Why would I bother stealing it?"
"Hey, we'll ask the questions here, Sharon!" Stretch sneered.
"If that even is your real name!" Stinkie mentioned, getting in Sharon's face. "And for our first question…where were you on the night before two nights ago last night and a fortnight ago a week from yesterday?!"
"What?"
"Aha! She admits it!"
"Admits what? I don't even know what the question was or what it has to do with this case!"
Stretch loomed over the witness box. "Sounds like the perfect cover-up story…"
Molly gently pushed Stretch and Stinkie aside.
"I think what my fellow interrogators mean to ask is…where were you when the cake went missing?"
"In the basement." Sharon answered.
"Hm…how convenient. Here's another question for you. Isn't it true that you secretly hate Dad's passion fruit crumb cake?"
Sharon's eyes widened fearfully.
"Objection!" Pete interrupted. "Sharon loves my crumb cake! It was love at first bite!"
Molly examined her evidence board where a picture of her parents when they were younger was pinned.
"Ah yes…your first date with Dad…look at that smile. You seem pretty happy. Or are you?"
"W-W-What do you mean?" Sharon worried.
"As Brighton's greatest enhappifier, I'm an expert in determining if a smile is legitimate." Molly pointed to Sharon in the picture. "And judging by your glassy eyes and subtle grimace…I have to conclude that that smile is in fact…FAKE!"
"What?! N-N-No it's not!"
"Ooh, denial! The first sign of guilt!" Stinkie noted.
"You're busted now, Sharon!" Stretch claimed. "Obviously what happened was ya got so sick of eatin' Pete's disgustin' crumb cake year after year after year that you decided to throw this one out before ya were subjected to its awful flavor once again! Go on, just say it! We know ya did it!"
"Confess! Confess! CONFESS!" Stretch and Stinkie chanted together.
Finally, Sharon could take no more.
"Okay! Fine! It's true! I do hate that cake! I hate the taste, the texture, and most of all, the fact that it pretends to be chocolate but it's just a LIE!" Sharon slammed her fist against the witness box.
Pete was heartbroken. "Sharon…I had no idea…"
"I'm sorry, Pete." Sharon apologized sincerely. "I love you, but…I don't love your cake."
"No, it's fine…" Pete held back tears. "I'm totally not questioning if our marriage is based on a lie right now…"
"So it was you!" Stretch pointed an accusatory finger at Sharon. "Ya threw out the cake to save yer taste buds and let our brother take the fall! Who do you think you are, blamin' all your problems on Fatso?"
"Yeah, that's our job!" Stinkie mentioned. "Cuff 'er, Moll!"
"No, wait!" Sharon begged. "I admit I thought about throwing away the cake. But I didn't! I swear!"
Sharon began to recount the conversation she had had with herself just before disposing of the cake.
"Just throw it out, Sharon…no one will know."
"But Pete's feelings could get hurt."
"And if you eat it, your tongue will be hurt from the awful, AWFUL taste!"
"But he made the cake with love…"
"But he also made it with carob!"
Sharon sighed. "Eventually, my guilty conscience won out and I put the cake back where I found it. It was right there for all to see. Or it would have been if it weren't for those dirty handprints on the glass dome."
"Dirty handprints, you say?" Molly scratched her chin thoughtfully.
Pete retrieved the dome that had previously covered the cake.
"Yeah, here they are! And they're disgusting! All muddy and grimy and…" he sniffed and gagged. "…stinking of garlic-cabbage-bean-and-mozzarella casserole?!"
"Wait…" Molly realized. "But that's one of…Stinkie's favorite dishes!"
"Ahh yes…" Stinkie sighed blissfully. "Light on carbs, but heavy on fiber!" he passed a tiny bit of gas.
"So, it was you, Stinkie!" Pete concluded. "You ate my passion fruit crumb cake and in its place, you left behind your signature stench!"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa! A little quick on the draw there, huh Petey?" Stinkie quipped.
Molly pushed her face against Stinkie's. "Stinkman? Tell me it's not true!"
"It ain't true! I'm clean, I tells ya! Well, in the metaphorical sense of the word."
"Do you 'Molly McGee guarantee' it?"
"I double-triple-quadruple 'Molly McGee guarantee' it!"
Molly and Stinkie proceeded to do the overly long handshake, much to the chagrin of the others. Then, Molly placed Stinkie into the defendant box.
"First of all," Stinkie began. "That handprint is way too small to be mine. Secondly, I did plan on eatin' some of my leftover casserole, but someone else got to it before I did!"
Pete and Molly glanced at Fatso, now dressed in a similar manner to Stretch for his legal alter ego, Fatsenburger.
"Don't look at me! I eat lots of weird, even gross stuff, but there's some things I just can't stomach!"
"It's true, Dad." Molly confirmed. "Fatso won't eat everything. And Stinkie's casserole is at the top of his 'Do-Not-Consume' list. Well…actually, it's second from the top, but I can't remember what's number one. But anyway, while Fatso would never even think about devouring that disgusting digestive nightmare, there is one other person in this house who doesn't mind the taste of garlic, cabbage, beans, and mozzarella all mixed together. And that same person is also known for having hands that are just as smelly and grimy as Stinkie's! I call to the stand…Darryl McGee!"
Darryl shrugged. "I want my lawyer."
"You have a lawyer?" Sharon asked.
After making a quick phone call, a woman with a briefcase showed up to the house.
"Yes, I'm Darryl's lawyer." she said. "I'm also the head of the mischief counsel. Do not ask me questions, my client has sworn me to secrecy."
"Er, why don't you fellas take a short recess?" Molly whispered to Stretch and Fatso.
"Sweet! I call the monkey bars!" Fatso cheered.
"Fittin', 'cause yer intelligence is on the same level as a primate." Stretch remarked.
Soon, Darryl had taken Sharon's place in the witness box.
"You've got nothin' on me." he claimed. "I've got an air-tight alibi. I was up in my room doing homework all day."
Molly was unimpressed. "Oh really? And since when do you do homework?"
Darryl nervously glanced at his lawyer, who shook her head.
Molly brought the glass dome over and grabbed her brother's hand.
"Why don't you just admit that you were really partaking in…theft work?" she pressed the hand to the handprint, showing it was a perfect match.
Pete and Sharon gasped, while Darryl's lawyer only facepalmed at her client's ignorance.
"Oh yes! Caught you slimy-handed!" Molly laughed with triumph. "And I know how you did it, too! As soon as Dad was done decorating the cake, you distracted him with a phone call about some contest he never even entered!"
"Wait…so I didn't win a free cruise? Aww…" Pete groaned with disappointment.
Molly went on. "You see, I know you've been having some 'financial issues' with the Lunch-Money Bandits at school. But you couldn't come up with the dough to pay them! So instead, you opted to bribe them with a different kind of dough…cake dough! Or well, I guess technically it's batter. Thought you were gonna get away with it, huh? Well, you thought wrong! Because your little stunt is enough to put you away for eight to ten…weeks of grounding."
Stretch reappeared dressed as a judge. "Hey, hey! As overseer of this courtroom, I'll hand out the punishments around here!"
Molly stared at him blankly. "Uh…what are you doing?"
"Well, ya can't have a legal proceedin' without a judge, now can ya? Have you not seen a single episode of Court TV?" Stretch summoned a gavel. "Ahem. Darryl McGee, I hereby sentence you to one month of 'no dessert' and permanent bathroom duty!"
"Isn't that your chore?" Molly reminded him.
"Not for much longer!"
"Uh…who are they talking to?" Darryl's lawyer whispered to Sharon.
"Oh. Um…just some imaginary friends of theirs." Sharon lied. "You know how kids are. Heh, heh…"
Darryl gave Stretch a sly smirk.
"Actually, your punishment is null and void. Yes, you have proof I touched the cake dome, but you don't have any proof I touched the cake."
"So…why did you touch the cake dome?" Molly interrogated.
"I needed it to catch my pet tarantula, Heidi Hairylegs. I was going to ask Dad for help, but he seemed kinda busy running around the front yard with a flaming apron."
Molly was going to ask more about why Pete's apron was on fire, but she was more concerned about something else at the moment.
"Uh…you never told us you got a pet tarantula…" she glanced at her feet. "Also, you did catch it, right?"
Darryl looked up and noticed Heidi Hairylegs crawling across the ceiling.
"Er…yes? Yes…"
Molly, Pete, and Sharon collectively released a breath of relief.
"Well, that's a load-off." Molly chuckled.
"Also, there's no way I could have produced that garlic-cabbage casserole scent. The container was empty when I found it and you would've smelled it on my breath." Darryl breathed in Molly's face and she sniffed.
"Hm. He's right. That stuff does have a tendency to linger even hours after it's been digested. His story checks out."
Darryl proudly stepped out of the witness box and shook his lawyer's hand.
"Sorry for the trouble. You're dismissed."
"I'll send your parents my bill." the lawyer replied and then made her exit.
"Aww c'mon!" Stretch whined. "I thought for sure we had our crumb cake culprit! I was just about ready to throw the book at 'im!"
"Book…" Pete's eyes widened as he remembered a vital detail about the crime scene. "Wait a second!"
He left the room briefly and returned with something behind his back.
"So, Stretch…" he started. "You pride yourself on being as mean and nasty as possible, don't you?"
"You got that right, bone bag!" Stretch laughed, whacking Pete in the head with his gavel.
Pete rubbed his temple. "And I suppose you're so passionate about the art of needless cruelty that you spend a lot of time researching it. I bet you read up on the subject frequently. Maybe you read online articles or advice columns…or, oh I don't know…this book?!"
Pete presented what was behind his back: a book with the title "A Ghost's Guide To Being Mean and Nasty Toward Fleshies."
"And what's this?" Pete opened the book up to a particular page that was coated with pink frosting and licked some off his finger. "Just as I thought. Passion fruit!"
Gasps echoed throughout the room. No one was more shocked than Stretch, however.
"W-W-What are you tryin' to say, McGee?"
"You know what I'm saying." Pete glared at him. "I can see it all now. You were reading this thing trying to come up with some horrible prank to pull on us. Until you conveniently came across a chapter on 'cake-swiping.' So, you followed the steps that were written out and disappeared before you got caught. Too bad your messy eating habits ended up exposing you anyway! What do you have to say to that, buster?"
"I say you're nuttier than a container of cracker jacks! How do we even know that's my book, anyway?"
Pete's only response was to show him the inside cover. There, printed at the bottom was a message reading: "This book belongs to Stretch."
Molly approached the lanky ghost. "Stretch…how could you? I mean, don't get me wrong, you do lots of mean things, but I never thought you'd stoop so low as to steal someone else's cake!"
"I didn't do it! You might as well hang me on the wall, 'cause I've been framed! Furthermore, if I was gonna do somethin' mean involvin' that cake, I woulda used the icing bag to write: 'Happy anniversary, BONE BAG!' on it! Heh, heh, heh! That woulda been hysterical. C'mon Moll, you gotta believe me!"
"Well…do you-"
"Yes, I totally, completely, absolutely, positively, cross-my-nonexistent-heart-and-hope-to-die-again, 'Molly McGee guarantee' it!"
Stretch did the handshake with Molly, sealing the deal.
"Okay…in that case, I believe you too. Friends should always have each other's backs, after all."
"And fronts too, right?" Fatso chimed in, much to Molly's amusement.
"Yes, Fatso. Your fronts, too."
"C'mon, Molly!" Pete chastised. "There's no use defending your BFFs anymore. We already cleared Sharon and Darryl and you're practically the definition of pure innocence so there's no way it was you. There aren't any possible offenders left."
Molly only grinned. "Actually, there is one more…I call to the stand…you, Dad!"
"What?!" Pete found himself being dragged to the witness box by the Trio. "You can't call the prosecution to the stand! Can you? Also, is it hot in here? I'm sweating."
Molly shook her head. "Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad. Here we were thinking you were so distraught over the missing cake…but it was all a lie! And thanks to Darryl's testimony, I was able to find evidence to prove it. Behold…exhibit A! As in 'A totally-burned cake'!"
Molly held out a trash can, showing a charred pastry sitting inside. Everyone gasped again.
"That's right!" Molly continued. "For reasons unknown, you ruined Mom's anniversary present! You couldn't bear the thought of showing it to her, so you decided to get rid of the evidence and create a cover story! You even swiped one of Stretch's books so you could make him out to be the criminal in case your first accusation of Fatso fell through!"
"Yeah!" Stretch floated over Pete, along with Stinkie and Fatso. "You practically made us into yer own personal scapegoats!"
Fatso transformed into a literal goat.
"Do we look like farm animals to you?" he made a bleating sound.
"I didn't mean to burn it!" Pete argued. "It was an accident!"
"Maybe…but your blaming the Trio certainly wasn't!" Molly snarled, shoving the Trio in Pete's face. "And to that I say, how dare you! Go on! Apologize! Admit your crime and apologize NOW!"
"Whoa…we really should take Molly out scarin' sometime." Stinkie noted.
"I know, right?" Stretch agreed. "When she wants to, she can be flat out terrifyin'!"
"Yeah! Just wind 'er up and watch 'er go!" Fatso demonstrated by creating a crank on his back and turning it.
"I'm telling you, it's not what it looks like!" Pete pleaded. "I can explain, I promise! I had to use a completely different recipe this time around because my old one somehow got lost in the move!"
Sharon whistled innocently, remembering how she had "accidentally" dropped Pete's recipe in the paper shredder while he wasn't around. Pete took out his phone and pulled up a British cooking website.
"So, I found a website that had a similar recipe, with the only difference being that it used the metric system. As it turns out, I do not understand how Celsius works."
"Hm. That would explain you running around the front yard with a burning apron." Molly observed.
"Well, that settles it!" Stretch banged his gavel. "Case closed! He's guilty! Which means it's time to dish out the penalty! I'm thinkin' somethin' cruel and unusual. Just like me! I got it! Pete McGee, I sentence you to…"
"I'm not taking over your bathroom duties, Stretch." Pete refused.
Stretch only laughed. "Oh Petey, Petey, Petey. You should know I'm not that predictable. Nah, I've got somethin' much worse in mind…your punishment is…handwashin' Darryl's gym socks! HAHAHAHAHA!" he held out a pair of greasy, smelly socks, much to the disgust of everyone except Darryl.
"Eh. Fair." Darryl shrugged.
"Yikes!" Stinkie retched at the odor. "That is foul! Don't get me wrong, I normally like foul, but that's too much even for me!"
Pete backed away from the revolting foot coverings with a horrified look on his face, knowing that if even Stinkie found something disgusting, it had to be bad.
"Wait! Please, I'm not done!" he pleaded. "Yes, I did burn the cake, but-"
"Objection!" Stretch interrupted.
"What? On what grounds?"
"Foregrounds!"
"…Anyway, like I was saying, I ended up messing up those metric conversions-"
"Objection!" Stinkie butted in.
"On what grounds?!"
"Backgrounds!"
"Will you just let me…argh! I had a ton of extra batter leftover, so I-"
"Objection!" Fatso cried out.
Pete covered his face with his hands in exasperation. "On. What. Basis?!"
Fatso transformed into a baseball player.
"First, second, and third!"
Stretch had on an umpire's mask. "That's three objections! You'rrre outta here!"
Molly couldn't help but giggle at their antics.
"Molly!" Pete scolded.
"Ahem." Molly became serious again. "Boys, let the man talk."
"As I've been trying to say," Pete explained through gritted teeth. "I used the extra batter to make a new cake. The same one that got eaten!"
Molly and the Trio's faces fell. "Oh."
"Also, I never took that book. I found it on the counter when the cake went missing. Think about it, Stretch lives in a doll-sized house. How could I possibly break in and steal anything, let alone a book? It's not like I can shrink myself like him."
Molly and the Trio nodded.
"Oh. Right."
"He's got a point."
"True, true."
Pete stood up. "Anyway, I think now I know for sure who did it!"
"Oh yeah? Tell us, o all-knowing, wise master." Stretch sarcastically requested.
Pete pointed a finger at the Trio.
"It was all three of you!"
"Huh?!" the Trio went.
"How did I not figure it out until now? It should have been obvious! Each one of you can only do so much on your own. But together? You're a storm of chaos and nonstop trouble! And 90 percent of the time, that trouble is aimed at me! So, while I was baking the cake, you hatched up an evil plan to ruin our anniversary just for the fun of it! Said plan involved Stretch looking through his book and finding a wicked memory-erasing spell to use on me, Stinkie performing the spell via his toxic breath, leaving me in a temporary vegetative state and finally, Fatso devouring the cake in one swallow, leaving behind only a few crumbs and some frosting stains on the book. It all makes sense now!"
"Well, that's more than we can say for you, skin sack!" Stretch spat. "'Cause you're makin' the opposite of sense!"
"Yeah!" Fatso nodded. "If I was gonna eat that cake, I woulda done it in front of ya without the need to erase yer memory!"
"And my breath may be toxic, mister," Stinkie added. "But it ain't powerful enough to cause brain alterations! Yet, anyway. I'm workin' on that."
"They have a point, Dad." Molly concurred. "That explanation does sound just a teensy bit out there. And besides, you still don't have any real proof that the Trio were involved in 'taking the cake,' if you will."
Just then, Darryl's stomach growled.
"Um…speaking of cake, when's dinner?"
"Nobody eats until the Trio's names are cleared!" Molly shouted.
"But I'm starving…" Darryl moped, glancing over at the empty cake dome. "Well, I guess I'll just have to settle for crumbs."
The boy picked up the plate under the dome and dumped the cake bits into his mouth. When he did so, though, the other family members noticed something gray and sticky on the bottom of the plate. There was yet another collective gasp.
Before Molly knew it, she was the one sitting in the witness box.
"Molly," Pete began, holding up the cake plate. "Will you please state for the courtroom what is dripping off Exhibit B: the cake plate?"
Molly hung her head in defeat. "Ectoplasm…"
"And who are the sole members of this household that produce ectoplasm and, coupled with the rest of the evidence, are the only ones who could have committed the crime?"
"The Trio…" Molly answered with tears in her eyes. She looked over at her supernatural BFFs. "You guys…you gave me the 'Molly McGee guarantee'…"
The Trio were distraught.
"No!" Stretch wailed. "Honest! We don't know how that ectoplasm even got there! It's a misunderstandin'!"
"It's a mistake!" Stinkie claimed.
"It's a mis…sisippi!" Fatso blurted out.
"Allow me to make you mis…erable!" Stretch whacked Fatso with the gavel. "Moll, you gotta believe us!"
But Molly didn't believe them. She didn't know what to believe anymore. Pete grinned victoriously.
"Now then, Stretch, what was your suggestion as punishment again?"
Stretch hid behind Molly. "Oh, that? Well, I was a little in over my head, actin' as judge and all. Maybe we could rethink things over and-"
"Ah, that's right." Pete held up the rancid socks again, making Molly and the Trio gag. "Handwashing Darryl's gym socks!"
"Again, fair." Darryl said from the couch.
"Tell you what, fellas." Pete offered. "Since I'm not as 'cruel and unusual' as you, I'm willing to drop the punishment. That is…if you admit you ate the cake!"
"Never!" Stretch insisted. "We'll never confess to a crime we didn't commit!"
"Yeah! Not that we would confess to a crime we did commit." Stinkie mentioned.
"We're stubborn that way." Fatso stated.
"Molly, you still believe us, right?" Stretch tried.
But Molly couldn't even look the three in the eyes. She was too hurt from the betrayal.
"…Fine." Stretch grumped. "So much for havin' our backs."
"Or our fronts…" Fatso whimpered.
Reluctantly, the Trio floated toward Darryl's socks, the lingering smell almost making them throw up (even though they didn't have stomachs).
"I definitely didn't read about this in the book." Stretch lamented, skimming through his guidebook on being mean. "Must be in the advanced chapters."
Molly opened her teary eyes to notice Stretch licking the top edge of the page he was on before turning it. What should have been a small, insignificant action was enough to get her thinking again.
"Maybe it won't be so bad if we make 'em smell a little nicer." Stinkie suggested. "Here, let me try."
He proceeded to belch all over the socks, filling the room with the stink of his breath. The scent flew over to Molly, and smelling it made her have another epiphany.
The final nail-in-the-coffin, however, was when her Mom spoke up. She was on the couch reading the new cake recipe Pete had used.
"Extra carob? Blech, this is worse than the old recipe."
Molly peeked over her mom's shoulder and read the recipe to herself.
"Carob…wait…that's it! Now I know for sure that the Trio are innocent!"
"What are you talking about, Molly?" Pete asked.
"As the Trio's fleshie friend forever, I know things about them that nobody else does! For instance, I know that Stretch has a habit of licking every page he reads in a book. And if we flip to the chapter with the cake frosting…" Molly took the book from Stretch and turned to the aforementioned page. "Aha! Just as I thought! Drier than a tumbleweed in the Sahara desert! Which means Stretch couldn't have been on this page and therefore, couldn't have gotten frosting on it!"
"Ha!" Stretch laughed in Pete's face. "Is there anythin' better than bein' right? Besides you bein' wrong, I mean."
"Hmph." Pete frowned. "Well, then who did get frosting on the book?"
"I…don't know, actually." Molly confessed. "But the point is, it wasn't Stretch! As for Stinkie, you claimed he had to be the culprit based solely on the fact that the cake dome reeked of his infamous garlic-cabbage-bean-and-mozzarella casserole."
"That's correct."
"But! He couldn't have left that scent, because I got a whiff of his breath just now and based on my analysis, the only things he ate today were onions, sauerkraut, and a leftover durian from Grandma Nin. Smell for yourselves!"
Molly picked up Stinkie and squeezed him, creating a stink cloud that filled the room and made everyone's eyes water. Except Darryl, who didn't seem to mind it that much.
"Hm. Not bad."
"Okay, okay!" Pete said once the room cleared. "But what about Fatso? There's no way you have any evidence to support him. We all know he has a bigger appetite than anyone else in this family. He'll eat anything!"
"Not everything."
Molly zipped into the kitchen and returned with a bag of carob chips.
"As I said before, there's a list of things Fatso would never, ever, not even in a billion years, not even if you paid him, never, ever, never, ever, never, NEVER eat. And I just remembered what is at the very top of that list, and for good reason. Observe."
Molly took out a carob chip and stuffed it into Fatso's mouth. Suddenly, his entire body began to shake uncontrollably.
"Look out!" Stretch warned.
"He's gonna blow!" Stinkie screamed.
In a matter of seconds, Fatso blew up like a balloon to the point where he was bigger than the entire house. Parts of his body broke through the windows and doors and even managed to set off the car alarm. The rest of the family found themselves squished against the walls of the living room.
"See?" Molly mumbled. "Fatso couldn't have eaten the cake! He has a carob intolerance!"
"Lucky…" Sharon grumped.
After a bit of struggle, everyone except Fatso made their way out of the house.
"And here I always thought it was better to share your allergies with your friends…" Fatso moaned.
Molly hugged his cheek. "Sorry, Fatso. It was the only way to clear your name."
"And from the looks of it, it also validated yer name." Stretch joked.
"Yeah, you was pretty big before, but now?" Stinkie whistled. "Blue whales would be jealous!"
"Ahem." Pete stepped forward. "I owe you three an apology. I shouldn't have been so quick to accuse you."
"Ah, don't sweat it, Petey." Stretch slapped him on the back. "In a way, we're kinda flattered ya thought we did it. It shows us that we've successfully sown in the seeds of distrust."
"…I'm sorry, what?"
Stinkie popped up behind Pete. "Yeah, and who knows? Maybe next time we will be the ones responsible when somethin' out of yer stuff goes missin'. Like that cookin' trophy you won last month…"
Pete gulped. "Um…well, hopefully there won't be a next time, right?"
Stretch and Stinkie only snickered as Pete kept ranting.
"I said, right? Why aren't you answering me? And why did you bring up my trophy as an example? Did you take it?! Did something happen to my trophy?! I'm freaking out!"
Sharon grabbed his shoulder. "I think they're just playing off of your extreme paranoia, sweetie."
"Still…maybe I should sleep with one eye open tonight…"
Later on, after Fatso had deflated significantly, Molly and the Trio regrouped in Molly's room.
"Thanks for provin' our innocence back there, Moll." Stretch acknowledged.
"Yeah, we owe ya one!" Stinkie added.
"Do we though?" Fatso pointed out, his body still swollen in some parts. "She gave me a severe allergic reaction! If I wasn't dead already…"
"But ya are, so get over it!" Stretch snapped.
Molly blushed. "Gee, thanks guys. I'll always have your backs."
"And our fronts?" Fatso clarified.
"And your fronts."
"Well…then I guess we'll always have yer back too, skin bag." Stretch raised his hand. "We 'Molly McGee guarantee' it! Just don't make us do the handshake again, it really is too complicated. Ya might wanna think about makin' it shorter."
"I'll consider it." Molly promised, giving the Trio a hug.
"There's just one thing that's still botherin' me…" Stinkie said. "Who did end up eatin' that cake?"
"And who snagged my book and the leftover garlic-cabbage casserole?" Stretch wondered.
"And who…wrote the book of love?" Fatso asked stupidly.
Molly released the ghosts. "Gee, I don't know, you guys. I guess…we'll never know."
At that moment, the sound of slurping could be heard. Looking behind them, Molly and the Trio saw Poil licking her fingers.
"Yeah, we'll never know, will we? Doesn't bother me. I don't know a lot of things. Oh, by the way Stretch, thanks for lettin' me borrow that book on bein' mean to fleshies. I left it on the kitchen counter for ya."
"Wait…when did I lend you my book?" Stretch questioned.
"A few days ago, remember? I was lookin' through yer bookshelf and I asked if I could borrow it. You said: 'Do what you want, just leave me alone.'"
"Oh. Right…" Stretch facepalmed.
"Also, I hope you don't mind, but I was hungry when I came over, so I ate some weird garlicky sludge that was sittin' in yer fridge. Let me tell ya, my breath was kickin' after that. And it still is!"
Poil breathed onto the Trio and her breath transformed into a boot that proceeded to kick them.
"So, I figured I'd wash my mouth out with that birthday cake I found on the counter. Really nice of ya's to make that for me, by the way. A few things, though. One, it ain't my birthday. And two, ya spelled my name wrong again."
The more Poil spoke, the more exasperated Molly and the Trio got.
Poil shrugged. "Yeah, I know, my name is kinda hard to spell, but wow! You guys really butchered it this time! Most people spell it P-E-A-R-L. But you spelled it S-H-A-R-O-N? Not even close! It's actually P-O-"
"We know your name, Poil!" Molly blurted out.
"Hey, I just realized." Fatso changed the subject. "We went through this whole episode without singin' even one song! Maybe there's still time to fix that." he cleared his throat. "Ohhhhh-"
Stretch stuffed one of Darryl's gym socks in Fatso's mouth.
"Aw, put a sock in it!"
Ghostly Trio and Molly McGee!
If you're wondering, no I haven't seen "Dogman" yet. It's going to be a few weeks before I get a chance to see it, so please be patient with me.
Also, for some reason the previous chapter completely disappeared from public viewing, which is very odd, considering I could still see it under Content/Chapters when I clicked "Manage Stories." I reuploaded it and it's visible now, but I'm still not sure why or when it happened. Obviously, it had to be seen at one point since I got a review for it. But either way, if you were unfortunate enough to miss reading it the first time it was uploaded, you can now. And to those who did read it before it disappeared, if you could please let me know when or if this kind of thing happens again. I upload every Friday, unless stated otherwise, so if you don't see an update for the entire day, reach out to me and I'll try to fix whatever issues are going on.
Review if you'd like.