Chapter One

Rough Mornings

June 2122 (Earth Time)

After another successful procedure, The Faunus was now on it's return course to Earth. The Faunus was a commercial resource extraction space craft commissioned by the United States Park and Forestry Service to explore the vast universe in search of exotic, alien flora, and transport it back to Earth. There it will be displayed in parks across the United States, much to the amazement of the clamoring masses who were eager to bare witness to all the mysterious plant life the universe had to offer.

Given the nature of various planets with different atmospheres, not all resources can be successfully extracted. While efforts are being made to help alien flora adapt to unknown atmospheres, the Forestry Service is only able to successfully extract materials proven to be adaptable to Earth's atmosphere. Measures were also taken regarding foreign bacteria which could be proven harmful to human life. Thankfully, cleansing the alien plants is relatively easy compared to the atmospheric challenges. Chemicals have been developed to neutralize most of the bacteria, making these plants safe for human usage.

It was after one such expedition to the forest planet Khoros that the Faunus was now returning to its embarkation point of San Diego, the abundant greenery stored in the ship's greenhouse, the glass of which was heavily reinforced to allow for passage through various atmosphere's. Dim, synthetic lighting was provided to simulate sunlight. It was potent enough to allow the plants to survive the journey, yet it was not enough to properly illuminate the greenhouse, casting ominous shadows throughout. Despite this, most of the crew would rather be here rather than anywhere else in the ship. The presence of plant life along with a view of the stars through the glass were the only reminders of home in the entire ship. The rest of the ship was cold and metallic, consisting of dim, constricted corridors which provided an inhuman, almost oppressive feel to the Faunus. Like most if the ships, the Faunus was constructed with cold-blooded efficiency in mind; it's job was to provide transport for the crew and cargo. Comfort and homeliness came last. Not that that mattered to the crew of seven, who slept in stasis for most of the trip to and from Earth. With the crew asleep, the ship would have given one the impression of having been abandoned, as all of the rooms were vacant, the slow hum of the turbos providing the only sound through the ship.

Inside the empty control room, the computer suddenly sprang to life: the metallic green text illuminating the screen with ornate coding. The messages reflected off the screen of a space helmet sitting on the console. One such message read:

Awakening crew:

Benson Dunwoody... Park Manager and Chief Operating Officer of Faunus

Pops Maellard...Company Representative

Skips Miller...Warrant & Science Officer

Mitch "Muscle Man" Sorenstein...Engineer

Hi Five Ghost ...Engineering Technician

Mordecai Peterson... Misc. Deck Hand

Rigby Rickerson... Misc. Deck Hand

Tinker Bell ...Cat

The door to the stasis chamber automatically opened, and the lights turned on, illuminating the sterile white vault. At the center of the room stood an ornate engine. Attached to the engine appeared to be glass containers arranged in a star-like fashion. With the audible hiss of escaping gas, the glass doors to the containers automatically lifted. Inside slept the crew of the Faunus. The first crew member to awaken was a peculiar individual: he seemed to be an anthropomorphic gumball machine, with a red body, grey metallic limbs, and a glass dome for a head, with purple gumballs covering the lower half. Even though he was a living gumball machine, he still had a human face, complete with eyes, a nose, and a mouth. Upon this face was a look of pure exhaustion, his eyes barely opening in the bright light of the chamber.

This was Benson, the manager of the Park to which he was transporting the plants. He was also the captain of the ship, although he garnered a mixed reception among his crew. The more senior members respected him well enough, he was seen as unreasonable and needlessly strict among the lower ranks of the crew (especially Mordecai and Rigby, who did not like work anyway). It did not help that Benson was particularly asocial, so most of the crew never saw Benson unless he was barking orders at them. There were even rumors that Benson literally had no life outside of work, despite having his own ambitions of which the crew was unaware.

As Benson slowly stretched his arms and tried to wipe the remaining sleep from his eyes, he felt a soft warmth on his metallic lap. He looked down and saw an American shorthair with bright ginger fur. This was Tinker Bell, Benson's pet cat whom he brought so he could have company for the long months away from home. Given Benson's strict demeanor, it could be said that he loved his cat more than any pf his crew members.

"Looks like we're finally back home, girl." Benson softly said, tenderly scratching behind Tinker Bell's left ear.

Groggily exiting from his container, Benson stretched his legs (Tinker Bell doing the same next to him)and exited the hypersleep vault into the kitchen. The kitchen was cold and sterile as the rest of the ship, with a circular, white, plastic table taking the center of the room. Slightly more awake, Benson began to make coffee over by a small counter. It was as Benson was running water through the pot that another crewmember entered the kitchen. This man looked like he was dropped aboard the spaceship from another century. He looked like a strange mix between Mr. Monopoly and a lollipop: he had a comically enormous head atop a lean, slender body. He wore a black tux vest with a white undershirt, grey slacks, dress shoes, topped with a tall black top hat on his bulbous head. He even had a white handlebar moustache. This was Pops. A rather fitting name given his geriatric appearance. He was the son of Mr. Maellard, the owner of the Park. This made Pops the most senior member on board the ship, and he was responsible for making sure company protocols were followed. However, Pops was incredibly naïve to the point of childish immaturity, solely leaving Benson to run the ship. Despite (or because of) his naivety, Pops had a kindred spirit which made him easily likeable among the crew, although the crew sometimes got tired of his antics.

"Rise and shine, Pops!" Benson called in a rare note of joy.

"Oh my, what time is it?" asked Pops in a high pitched Victorian accent.

"I'd say it's time to be heading home." Benson responded, a note of relief in his voice.

He watched the coffee slowly brew, inhaling the bitter fragrance. While the ship was not provided with the best coffee in the universe, it still did a good job of waking him up. For the many months aboard this steel crate, stale coffee was easily of the high lights for the job. While Benson was awaiting his shot of hot wake-up-juice, two other crew members entered the kitchen: a tall, lanky blue jay, and a short brown raccoon. Upon seeing this pair, Benson gave an audible sigh and placed his hand to his glass head.

"And now it's Mordecai and Rigby!" he groaned, more to himself than anyone else.

Of all the crew members, Mordecai and Rigby were Benson's least favorite employees to deal with. They were both incredibly immature slackers who would rather waste company time playing video games, playing Rock, Paper, Scissors, or with other trivial activities, such as staring contests. Benson has to yell at the pair of slackers at least five times a day to do their jobs. Benson often gets so heated that his gumballs heat up bright red, matching the red paint on his body. These screaming fits often consist of Benson threatening to fire them, although this is all bark with no bite; Pops, in his childlike joviality, would not allow Benson to actually fire them, constantly scolding Benson for seemingly not giving them enough chances. If Benson had his way, Mordecai and Rigby would have been fired a long time ago, yet he is unable to do much besides threatening them. Nevertheless, Mordecai and Rigby fully believed Benson could fire them, so this was usually enough to get them to work, or al least to find more creative ways of not working (furthering Benson's rage even further).

"Ah, Mordecai and Rigby!" chimed Pops joyfully, "How splendid to see you two gentlemen up and about! How does this day find you?"

"Dead tired, man!" groaned Rigby the racoon. "What do they put in that sleep machine anyways? It's clearly not waking us up properly!"

"Maybe, that's because you're too lazy to do anything!" mumbled Benson through grated teeth, quickly turning back to the coffee machine.

"Yo, Benson, where's the coffee, man?" called Mordecai, the lanky blue jay.

"Brewing!" said Benson curtly, not turning his attention towards Mordecai.

Not wanting to press the matter further, Mordecai and Rigby silently slid into the kitchen seats. A few minutes later, a long beep signaled the coffee being ready. Benson was the first to pour himself a cup, followed by Pops, with Mordecai and Rigby bringing up the rear. What followed was several minutes of awkward silence as the four of them slowly drank their coffee. The silence was occasionally broken by Pops kind heartedly chuckling at a drinky bird dipping it's plastic head into a small glass of water. Soon, a white-furred, muscular yeti skipped into the kitchen. This yeti was nude save for a pair of jeans, exposing his bare nipples and massive six-pack.

"Skips!" cried Benson, his jovial spirits returning. Benson jumped from the table, and they both commenced a "manly handshake": half handshake, half arm-wrestling. With a sly grin on his face, Skips slowly bent his back, allowing Benson the advantage. Skips was a good sport; he knew he had an unfair advantage over Benson, so he gave some leeway. He did not need to prove himself to anyone, as he knew his friends could count on him for any task. That trust mattered more to Skips than any shallow ego boost ever could. Given Skips' wide array of hands-on experience with nearly any task, and his generally laid back, easy going nature, he (like Pops) was very well liked and respected among the crew. He was easily Benson's favorite crew member, given his many skills (which he ALWAYS pit to good use). While Skips could very easily have been the ship's engineer, his vast knowledge meant he was the most suitable for studying the plants to make sure they were suitable for the park. He was in charge of decontaminating the plants to make sure they were suitable for Earth. Indeed, Skips loved gardening among many other hobbies. When the crew was not in stasis, Skips could be found in the garden, tending to the space plants or meditating under the starry sky.

"Boy am I glad to finally see you up and about!" Benson said with a smile. "Help yourself to some coffee, it's still hot!"

"Eh, why not." Skips replied in his distinctive raspy, yet gruff, voice. "Might as well find something worth enjoying on this ship."

The present crew chuckled at Skips' little quip. Skips was so calm and assertive that he could complain yet still turn it into a joke, the same could not be said for Rigby.

"WHOOOOOOOOOO HOOO HOOO HOOO!" exclaimed a deep, gruff voice, making everyone jump in shock. Pops gave an audible gasp and nearly flew to the ceiling. Skips, though stunned, barely gave an extra skip as he casually skipped to the kitchen table.

"ALRIGHT LADIES! WHO'S READY TO BLOW THIS POPSCICLE STAND! WHOOOOOOO!"

Standing in the threshold to the kitchen stood a diminutive, mullet-bearing, green-skinned man. This man was letting out loud whoops, waving his grimy T-shirt over his head, exposing his morbidly obese body for his stunned (and disgusted) crew to see. This was the Faunus' chief engineer, Mitch Sorenstein, but the crew called him Muscle Man. This was ironic, as there seemed to barely any muscle on his pudgy body. One should not easily be fooled by this display, as Muscle Man was easily the second strongest crew member, inly beat out by Skips. He could even increase his strength by how angry he got, which (like Benson) happens regularly. Muscle Man was a party animal if ever there was one among the crew. He is loud, obnoxious, yet still tries to have a good time whenever he can. The only problem was that Muscle Man's idea of a good time came at the expense of everyone else. He was a trickster at heart, and he deeply enjoyed playing intolerable (and often harmful) pranks on his fellow shipmates, especially Mordecai and Rigby, with whom he seemed to have a perpetual grudge. Aside from his pranks, Muscle Man had a penchant for "My Mom" jokes. These were basically inverted "Yo Mama" jokes, but Muscle Man was mocking his own mother rather than someone else's. Almost nobody found these jokes funny, save High Five Ghost, Muscle Man's more quiet and reserved engineering partner and best friend. While Benson did not particularly like Muscle Man, he was more willing to put up with him than with Mordecai and Rigby. Unlike the latter two, Muscle Man usually did his work as assigned.

"Aw sick, dude!" groaned Mordecai in disgust. "You nearly gave me a heart attack!"

"Yeah, whatever grandma!" growled Muscle Man in a voice like Jesse Ventura's, but deeper. "Just be grateful I woke your drowsy asses up!"

"Whatever, just get your coffee!" snapped Benson.

"Oh yeah! Who doesn't love a shitty mug of coffee in space?" Muscle Man mockingly sardonically. "I know someone who LOVES shitty coffee in space: MY MOM!"

Muscle Man let out a needlessly long burst of laughter at his own joke. Sadly, no one else thought this was funny. They all just sat with varying levels of disappointment on their faces. Benson planted his head in his hands and slowly shook it.

"At least with you here, High Five Ghost can't be far behind."

With that said, a small specter hovered into the kitchen. This ghost only had one hand, which lay stood erect atop his head, with the fingers standing out so attention is drawn to the palm. As his appearance would suggest, this was High Five Ghost, or Fives for short. Muscle Man and Fives met in high school. Although they did not like each other at first, they soon became inseparable. While Muscle Man was obnoxious and semi-feral, Fives was more laid back and down-to-earth, often to the point where everyone thought he was a doormat. Muscle Man would often pick on Fives for his perceived spinelessness, yet Fives would never hold this against Muscle Man. He would often agree with Muscle Man and have a good laugh about his unassuming nature. Despite these extreme differences in personality, Fives is the only one among the crew who could stand to be around Muscle Man for any extended period of time. It was luck that Fives is Muscle Man's engineering assistant, as Fives seems like the only crew mate who fully understands Muscle Man. They are so used to each other that Fives is the only one to sit next to Muscle Man in the kitchen, as he's the only one able to bare Muscle Man's horrid body odor. Muscle Man prides himself for working on his "manly musk". He acquired this musk by developing a strong aversion for washing, even if he works among heavy machinery.

With all the crew accounted for, most of the crew sat down for what they thought would be their last breakfast and coffee before landing in San Diego. As the science officer, Skips also managed the ship's computer system GAIA, so he took his coffee and left to work. Despite the coffee, the crew was still tired and groggy from their long sleep.

"Still with us, Fives?" asked Muscle Man, nudging the spectral form of his sleepy friend.

"Yeah, I'm just a little out of it."

"Good, I thought you were dead," said Muscle Man.

"No, far from it, I believe." Fives retorted jovially. However, he realized too late that he fell for Muscle Man's ploy, as the latter let out another burst of laughter.

"Dude, you're a ghost. What do you mean you're not dead."

"Funny you should mention that, the thing is…" Fives tried to explain, but Muscle Man kept laughing.

"Bro, you should join a circus of something. I bet people would pay good moolah to see High Five Ghost: The Ghost Who Isn't Dead! Good thing you're not dead, otherwise Benson would have to take out his own money to help insurance cover a casualty on his ship!"

"Yeah, lucky us." Groaned Benson, doing all he can to put up with Muscle Man's boisterous jesting.

"Maybe you're not dead, Fives, but I sure feel!" moaned Rigby, letting out a massive yawn.

"Did anyone tell you that you look dead, bro!" Muscle Man quipped with a wide, wicked grin. "Fives, you're the expert. Does Rigby look dead to you?"

"No, if anyone looks dead, it's you," retorted Rigby. "All that fat lying on your green face makes it look like rigor mortis is about to set in! OOOOOHHHHH!"

Rigby let out a cheer for himself, waving one arm in the air, believing he just scored a point. Everyone else loudly gasped and even chuckled at Rigby's sheer audacity. Muscle Man did not find this funny, the grin on his face slowly turning into a frown.

"Better watch it, bro!" Muscle Man growled. "Nobody just insults my chiseled pecks and gets away with it!"

"Rigby does have a point," Mordecai calmly explained, not wanting the situation to escalate further. "I mean, almost nobody would consider your pecks chiseled by any stretch of the imagination."

"Yeah, whatever grandma!" said Muscle Man dismissively. "You're just jealous that you could never have a ripped physique like mine."

"Yeah, right!" snapped Rigby, his arms folded. Mordecai and Fives tried to dismissively wave their arms, but Rigby ignored them: "The only thing that's ripped about is your clothes, when you struggle to put them on! OOOOOHHHHH!"

Rigby cheered again. Muscle Man jumped from his seat and slammed his fists into the table.

"That's it, you little twirp! You're gonna get it!"

Muscle Man tried to lunge at Rigby, but he was held back by Fives, Benson, and Pops.

"Oh yeah, bring it you big fat brute!"

Rigby also tried to move against Muscle Man, only to be restrained by Mordecai.

"Dude, don't! Muscle Man isn't worth it!"

"Alright, that's enough! I will have no brawling on my ship! Anyone who disobeys is fired on the spot!" Benson snapped, finally putting his foot down. This was enough to immediately stop the action.

"Indeed, let's all play nice!" Pops chimed in. "I know it's been a long trip, and we are all still tired, but can we PLEASE behave like gentlemen. We'll be home before too long."

With Pops' soft words, everyone had fully calmed down, although Rigby was still sore about Muscle Man.

"You can't just go picking fights Muscle Man!" Mordecai scolded. "He could kill you, then who would I have for a friend."

"I could be a match for him, you just never give me a chance!" Rigby snapped, his pride hurt by Mordecai's words.

"Look, just don't let him get to you. Try to turn your attention to something else."

"Good idea!" Rigby said, his face suddenly brightening. "Hey Benson, I think we should discuss the bonus situatuin."

"Yeah!" Mordecai agreed, nodding his head.

"Mordecai and I think we deserve full shares!"

"You two get what you are contracted for, just like everyone else." Benson said, frustrated.

"But everyone else gets more than us!" Mordecai snapped.

"That's because everyone else DESERVES more than you two! They actually do their jobs, while I can't leave you two unsupervised for any task!"

"Yeah, bros," said Muscle Man. "You gotta actually work to get what you want! You can't just coast through life expecting everything to be handed to you on a silver platter!"

"Great, I'm getting life advise from the obese bodybuilder who still lives with his mom!" Rigby said dismissively.

"YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH-HOLE, RIG-BITCH!" Muscle Man squealed. He once again tried to lunge himself at Rigby, but was held back by Fives and Benson.

"Muscle Man, I am serious about firing you, so if don't want your job, I'd be more than happy to accommodate you! As for you two!" Benson returned his attention to Mordecai and Rigby. "Muscle Man IS right! If you two want bonuses, you have to prove you're worthy of them."

"You're on, Benson!" said Mordecai. "We'll prove to you we are just as worthy of respect as everyone on this ship!"

"Yeah, and then we'll prove we are worthy of even MORE respect than everyone else!" Rigby said in a cocky tone.

"I'm sure." Benson said sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

"Benson, GAIA wants to talk to you." Skips said, skipping into the kitchen.

"I saw it: Yellow light means my eyes only. Now everybody hit their stations."

With that, Benson followed Skips to the computer room, while everyone else left to man their posts. So ended a tense breakfast together.