X-Squad: Luigi's Mansion

by garshishoe

Well fuck, the Metal Gear memes are gonna roll in so fast that Raiden might not be able to see them! Hope you called your therapist cause this saga’s gonna fuck with your head! Viewer discretion was eaten by Blade Wolf. Side effects include wondering why the X-Squad's crossing over with Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance, Symphogear, Highschool DXD, and Luigi's Mansion.

5. The Calm Before The Stupid

"So after speaking with Naruhodo and Owada," Zenkichi said back in the squad's room, "I think it's clear that someone is behind all this. A mastermind, if you will. After all, let's look at the facts. The Church of the Broken God? The Antisocial Force? The Serpent's Hand? The Chaos Insurgency? None of these villain factions have ever worked together before, and the first two have long been defunct. And each of them were being investigated at one point or another by the heroes they targeted."

"That's true," Drakus said, "Snicker-Snack was part of the raid team that took down Scrapyard. We all know Joker and her squad shut Admiral's shit down, Tempest was looking into the Serpent's Hand. And Winterhold investigated the Chaos Insurgency."

"That's not all," Zenkichi said, "There's one more connection. Each of the cities hit? Certain individuals within them were looking into the mysterious Case File No.638, a national treasury heist perpetrated by the Chicago Spirit. Remember Bobbles? He's actually a descendant of that group. And here's the real kicker... So was Reaper."

"There's also the fact that none of the previous villains actually created the Underworlds," Zap added, "They were made by the bootleg version of EMMA. And all four of them were being monitored."

"Well, we're nearly out of here, freedom is just around the…" Maurice felt something shifting in his backpack. "…bend?" he said as he removed his backpack. "Oh, the egg from Mr. Pokémon, the one Elm asked me about."

"Due to all that running it must be ready to hatch. Wonderful, another one to join our glorious ranks!" Marigold cheered. Morrigan blinked but she looked interested in the hatching egg.

"I wonder what it's going to be. Oh, maybe it is a Wargledorf!" Zinx noted.

"There is no such creature." Ombra said.

"Not all Pokémon have been discovered so how do you know there isn't a Pokémon that is called Wargledorf out there?" Zinx asked.

Maurice found he couldn't reply to that. So he just decided to ignore it and focus on the hatching egg. Parts on the top started to break off. Small holes formed around the middle from which stubby arms came. A few at the bottom where a pair of cute feet spawned. From the top part that was broken, Maurice could see a cute face with beady eyes and a smiling face and three feathery spikes on top. The newly hatched Togepi blinked at the squad, as they blinked back.

Then the Togepi decided to speak: "Papa? Mama? Nobi?"

Maurice blinked and thought for a bit. He looked at the cute little critter in front of him. "That's a promise, kid." Maurice replied.

"Congrats, it's a girl!" Roman said as he took out a candy cigar and stuffed it in Maurice's mouth.

"She has acknowledged you, so she is your heir. Everything the little mistress needs, mm and Brianna will provide." Marigold noted.

"So, what're we calling the little angel?" Brianna asked. "Sunnyside? Empress? Lillith?"

"One of those is food." Maurice noted.

"Yeah, none of us had breakfast yet." Jinx noted.

"Though there is one thing you said that gave me an idea..." Siita said as she eyed the hatchling. "Welcome to the world, Lillith."

"Lillith!" the Togepi chirped happily.

"And all of us are your aunties and uncles. I'm your aunt Zinx, she's Aunt Marigold, that's uncle Artemus, that's aunt Nommy, those are uncles Hooligan and Rascal, that's aunt Nougat, he's uncle Judas, he's uncle Stuart, he's uncle Whirlpool, that's uncle Karkan, that's uncle Psychosis, that's uncle Dauphin, that's uncle Silent Bob, that's uncle Jay, that's aunt Phantasmic, that's uncle Parasite, that's aunt Mesmer, that's entle Mingo, that's uncle NyQuil, that's aunt Metro Card, that's uncle Coney, she's aunt Pepper, that's uncle Fritzo, and that is Aunt Morrigan." Zinx said.

"Zinx! Art! Mari! Ju! Nom! Hooli! Ras! Nou! Stu-Stu! Whirl! Kar! Psy! Dauph! Bob! Jay-Jay! Phanta! Para! Mes! Ming! Ny! Metro! Co! Pep! Fritzy! Morri!" she said as she pointed at the pokemon. Maybe it was their imagination but they could almost swear the normally unexpressive Totodile's mouth corners had raised up just a little.

"Well, as soon as we go out of here, we are so going to get some baby supplies."

"Aaaand jump!"

"You must admit. This is a lovely place, really. It's just a little hard for people to see the appeal sometimes."

"I know, I just…don't want you catching a cold."

"Whee-hee!"

"It's no problem. But if you're really that worried, I can cast a rain-repellent spell."

"That would probably be a good idea, yeah."

"Fwoo!"

"Hahaha."

"And this better not be for some dumb fetch-quest either!"

"Whee!"

"No, not at all. I just wanted to spend some time together. It's been quite a while. We've been doing a lot as a whole group recently, so I've kind of missed this."

"Ta-dah!"

"Will you knock it off already?!"

"…Nope. Too much fun."

"RRRRGGHHHH…!"

The girl laughed. Oh, she really had missed this.

You see, the sea witch Wadanohara took a little trip on the surface with her five familiars. And the two shark brothers were her first, and she hadn't done anything with just the two of them in quite a while. Familiars bound themselves to a witch through magic and also their hearts, so despite their varying personalities, she really loved all of them in their own way. Even so, these two…these two were a little bit special.

The small pigtailed girl smiled and leaned a bit back against the tall dorsal fin of the big, gray shark she rode on. It was a lot of fun to ride on Samekichi's back again instead of using her regular boat for transport. This first shark was a bit irritated now, and could use a little calm before they arrived. Samekichi's jagged mouth turned down in an even deeper scowl than usual, and although his eyes always looked a little angry, they seemed even more so now. He could be kind of gruff sometimes, and easily angered, but underneath was a wonderful heart of gold. He cared a lot for her…and for the others as well, though he never really showed it. Wadanohara could always feel safe and comfortable in his warm, unspoken protection.

Currently, Samekichi was gliding along the carpet, glaring over at the head of another shark, which floated along beside him. "Do you always have to be the center of attention, Sal?"

"Well, yes. Most of the time, at least."

"Did I ever mention how much I utterly loathe you?"

"Every day of my life."

"Good. Never forget it."

"Gordon, the white shark scares me..." Coomer added.

Wadanohara couldn't help chuckling a little. The second shark, Samekichi's brother, Sal, loved to get on his nerves and poke fun at him. While Samekichi leisurely swam and carried Wadanohara on his back, Sal had been jumping from the water over and around him, performing aerial stunts like backflips and spins, like some kind of show dolphin. In fact, it was hard to believe they were brothers sometimes, because Sal actually looked more like a dolphin. He was smaller and slimmer and also pure white, with round red eyes. He was much more cool and collected under normal circumstances, but the thrill of the adventure must have been getting to him. Plus, bugging Samekichi was his all-time favorite hobby…as was trying to steal Wadanohara's attention and make her smile. Most of the time, he succeeded.

Although she felt just a slightly deeper connection with Samekichi, she loved having Sal around, too, and in the past, she used to ride on him once in a while as well. He had a kind heart, despite his intermittent quirkiness.

As frequently as the two shark brothers fought, it wasn't too hard to tell that they really did care for each other underneath it all. In fact, only Samekichi has been chosen as Wadanohara's familiar at first, when they were all very young…but Sal had insisted on being tested for familiar status as well, because he couldn't bear to be separated from him. Even though he would say he resented having to share the position with his brother, Samekichi had really been very happy on that day…when Sal had passed and had come to join them.

"Sheesh! Took long enough to find others trapped here!" The small seagull girl squawked and pattered closer to their side, her wing-arms flapping.

A shy dolphin girl followed her, though she hung back a few paces. "Pretty…" she softly mused, focusing black eyes on the squad. "Not so scary…like this."

A tall boy with octopus tentacles poking out the bottom of his robe glided up and wordlessly began taking flowers from Sal's and Wadanohara's arms, easily holding them in his multiple ones. Promptly, he turned away and began placing them in various vases and cups around the room, completely ignoring the hydrangea-laden Samekichi.

"H-Hey!" the gray shark cried out. "What's the big idea?!"

Sal chuckled at him, but held out his hands to take some of the flowers—a surprisingly benevolent gesture from him when it came to his brother.

With a quick flash of blue light and a deep warping noise, Samekichi phased into his humanoid form, tramping up out of the water. Sal followed closely behind, but he was a show-off as always and did his morphing in mid-air during a leap. Yet somehow, he still managed to land on his newly re-formed feet.

"Hah! That was amazing! Did you see that?!"

"I've learned by now to tune out everything you do, so no. You don't exist, as far as I'm concerned." Samekichi grumped.

"Well, how about Wadanohara? You saw that, didn't you, Wadda?"

"…"

"Wadda?!"

She giggled. "I saw, Sal, I saw. It was really something."

He put his hands on his hips and slightly puffed his chest in reply. "Well, naturally."

"You're really begging for a smackdown today, aren't you?"

Right now, in their humanoid forms, the two sharks looked a lot more like the twin brothers they really were. Their hairstyles were nearly identical, and they were the exact same size. They could easily borrow each other's clothes, not that either of them would want to. It was like night and day looking at the two of them next to each other—dark gray fin-spike hair and white fin-spike hair, deep, thoughtful dark blue eyes and mischievous bright blue ones. Oddly enough, despite their different sizes in shark form, even their shark tails were the same size this way.

Samekichi wore a dark gray jacket with a white feathery collar over a lighter gray shirt and anchor necklace. Trendy dark pants and black boots completed his punk-like ensemble. Meanwhile, Sal dressed a white suit accented with light gray, with six buttons visible along the front of his suit. His shirt is dark gray and his tie is black. He also wears white pants, black shoes and black gloves. Samekichi's look just said "guy thinks he's a badass delinquent", and Sal's said "dude thinks he's a smooth-talking businessman"…which was pretty much on par. Though most people would never know how much of a sweetheart Samekichi really was, or how much of a goofball Sal really was.

---

Although she had been on the job for only a couple of days, Furina was experienced and confident enough to give Siita and Jiibh a rundown of the controls. Luigi tapped in on occasion with his personal advice. Siita appreciated their help as she had a decent idea of handling her own Poltergust. She was now ready to get her feet wet.

Eventually, the elevator bell rang as the doors opened up to the tenth floor. On the tracker's screen, the Archon took a peek at the name and map.

"The Tomb Suites? I wonder if this is going to be a death trap?" Furina asked.

"Nothing ventured, nothing gained, as they say," Coomer shrugged.

Suddenly, the golden goblets on either side of the elevator lit up automatically, startling the heroes. Biscuit started sniffing the floor as the team slowly exited the lift. Luigi stepped forward into the hall and activated a triangular pressure plate. When the Polterpup noticed the pillars opening up, four snake heads protruded from the corners and spewed a barrage of arrows. Biscuit tackled the plumber forward, saving him from being pierced.

"Oooh," Luigi shuddered. "Thank you, Biscuit."

"No prob, homie!"

"We better step around this to avoid triggering the trap," Siita exhaled deeply.

The squad hugged the walls as they reached the other side safely. With Luigi and Biscuit getting up, they sauntered down the adjacent hallway, inspecting the tapestries hanging against the wall. Dove and Siita pulled down one to reveal some hidden gold coins and bars. Luigi sucked up another to reveal an unexpected image that displayed the squad striking an Egyptian pose.

"Huh...we look pretty cool!" Lyre chortled.

"Hellen must really know some of us very well if she has a banner with us on it," Raiden muttered, as he blinked in surprise.

"To be fair, she had our portraits hanging above her lobby when we first entered the hotel."

Dove removed it from the wall, uncovering a second drapery that featured them. However, there were a pair of ghosts spooking them. Coincidentally, a Greenie and a Goob appeared around the heroes.

"Hey, Sii-Sii, Jii! Here's your chance to test out the Poltergust, just charge the Strobulb and release it while aiming directly at the ghost's face!" Dove exclaimed.

"Make sure they're not shielding their eyes, or they won't be stunned properly!" Luigi warned.

"Okay, I'll try!" Jiibh prepared the flashlight attached to her Poltergust 3000 and charged it for a few seconds. He was perfect, freezing the Greenie in place as the ghost shrieked.

"Now pull back on the suction power to suck him up!"

Siita did as she was told, struggling to keep her balance as her shoes skidded across the floor. Thankfully, the two were successful, capturing their first ghost each.

"Wow, that was both chilling yet exhilarating at the same time! I don't know how you handled it so quickly..." Jiibh muttered

"Practice makes perfect. You'll get the hang of it with some more experience. Just keep yourself composed, and you'll get better by the second!"

That's when she saw it, her eyes catching sight of...something springing to life. Claws surged out of a door, big and robust, ending in three multicolored claws that coiled around the pillars that had been closest, almost like a toddler's hand wrapping around new toys.

Dove's eyes grew wide, then. The realization was horrifying. It WAS a massive hand.

Everyone's heads buzzed and swam, the sound of piano keys rattling each to the core. The sand beneath their feet trembled. Said hand's length continued, connecting to gangly thin arms that were almost as long as its body. Its true height was that of a raptor. The beast had green skin, and resembled a large biped/quadrupedal creature which had piano keys running down the entire underside of his body, starting at the neck, and ending at the tip of the tail. It had a green body with two small black eyes, like a chameleon, a red horn on the right side of his head, a yellow one on the left side, and an orange one in the middle. It also had a flattened snout with a tiny yellow spike, and pink blushes on the corners of his mouth, which had piano keys for teeth. His neck was long with four multicolored spikes, while its torso is much larger and rounder with smaller spikes along his back that run down its long tail, which ended in what appears to be a club.

"What…" Hibiki whispered.

"The..." Siita muttered, her entire body shaking.

"HELL-!" Ruler cried, stumbling backwards onto the ground.

"Is that THING?!" Drakus finished.

The beast reared its strange head to face the squad and played a few ominous-sounding notes, the keys flashing as it did so, twitching erratically.

[HOLY SHIT!]

[It's the Pianosaurus!]

[He plays just for us!]

[We all join the chorus!]

[P-I-A-N-O-Saurus!]

[Playing his scales, from his teeth to his tail!]

[It would take an extinction-level event to make this late-Cretaceous composer stop!]

[Or a mass of living play-dough!]

"What do you mean by Pianosaurus, chat?!" Cell yelled, shocked at this revelation.

The beast's fingers tapped along the sand, its head swaying from side to side. A few notes were played – an expression of surprise. They had managed to guess its name just fine, and without the need of learning what Playtime Co. made as toys.

"Well, at least he ain't Silver... Wonder where he's at?" Drakus wondered.

---

Silver slowly backed away to a door as the guards in the Wonderland Underworld were forced to stand into place as the printer made copies of Drakus' Progrise Keys. Silver got far enough away eventually that they were out of sight and they could hide in a room in the RIP Suites. "Oof, that was close. And man, good going with that bluff, Cobalt!" Silver said as he took the gun. "Good show you did, luckily they didn't realize it was the empty gun that girl used to frame me for…" he twirled it in his hands and the pistol fired, and he dropped it. "It was loaded? I didn't load it!"

"I did." the psychotic Popplio known as Cobalt said, completely deadpan, as he looked at his flipper.

"Why?" Silver asked.

"I had to make it convincing, and besides, we'll soon be spilling some blood if all goes well." Cobalt replied.

Silver wondered if he could turn himself in, as he was suddenly more scared of the Popplio. But what would the starter do if he finds out? He'd be dead. And he wouldn't be able to get another starter, his face as a criminal would have been widespread. It means he was stuck with the most evil starter he could have picked. "Arceus, help me…" Silver whimpered.

---

"Eh, he's probably fine..." Maurice remarked, as Siita and Jiibh looked at them in concern.

WOOMPH!

Then, three sirens had fallen out of a burst of light, which disappeared from the roof, and they were now in a pile.

"Ok, who ever is not dead, sound off!" Adagio Dazzle said.

"I hate you all." Ariah Blaze mumbled, her face buried in the sand.

"I think I crushed my taco..." Sonata Dusk said, which got her glares from the other two before she pulled out a crushed taco from her pocket. She had made it as a small celebration launch for when they defeated the Starfleet Power Rangers (which ended with them being defeated by said rangers, but that's a story for another time).

"Well, we're not dead." Adagio stated, before feeling something under her. "Why do I feel fur?"

The three sirens looked and saw they they were on top of something, or someone, that being Okami, who quickly pulled herself out of the pile and was backing away from the odd girls who had just fallen on her.

"Oh my Faust!" Sonata gasped, smiling as she saw the werewolf. "She is so CUTE! For realsies!" The other two just shook their heads, as Sonata was a fan of three things; tacos, Teletubbies and furries, so it was no surprise that she would hug a bipedal wolf.

"That's gonna add to the sex appeal," Giselle chuckled.

"You have about as much sex appeal as a two-by-four, Gigi," Bambietta said dryly.

"Not to the lolicons, I don't," Giselle responded cheerily. "And the same goes for futa fans. Sides, you weren't saying that when I-"

Ariah gave her a puzzled look. "Wait, you're a-"

"Don't try to classify me according to the binary of gender identity, I killed it in the name of feminism," Giselle said, still cheery.

"I don't think feminism is about murdering people who disagree with you." Lyre remarked. "But to be fair, revolutions aren't always civilized..."

"Really?" Giselle said. "I guess I must have been doing it wrong all this time."

Okami stood protectively in front of Taisho. "Aw, don't be scared of us." Sonata said smiling.

"I don't think it's us she's scared of." Ariah said, looking behind them, as the sand shook, as another Bowser clawed out of the sand while being unaware that there were people behind him, and began speaking to himself.

"Hellen has such a nice place... I miss my fortress..." He sadly sighed. "I miss the good old days... Peach screaming in terror, Mario rushing in to save her..." He muttered.

"Wow, it's kinda hard not to feel bad for this guy." Ruby admitted. "Well, sort of..."

The other Bowser's head shot up as he now heard the voices. "Huh? What was that?" He turned around and saw the X-Squad and their newest recruits before almost shrieking in embarrassment. "Ah crud, how much did they hear?!" He whispered loudly to himself. "All right, let's just try and play it cool..." He turned around and waved happily. "Hey, what's up?" He smiled, before he dope-slapped himself and hid away again. "No, idiot! Not like that..."

The gang was weirded out by this Nobody of Bowser. "Are you sure this is the guy who gives your Mario trouble on a daily basis?" Blake wondered.

"Well, you could say that..." Dove sighed.

The other Bowser turned around again, this time giving a louder booming voice. "YOU! What're YOU doing HERE?! If... Peach was at my castle waiting to be rescued... She'd be crying like a baby!" He stammered. Drakus stepped backward in pure confusion, tripping on his feet and falling onto the floor.

"You said you'd be there to catch me!"

"Well, I didn't think it would happen literally!" Siita sniped.

"What in the name of Faust is that!?!" Sonata exclaimed.

"I don't know," Adagio answered, "But I doubt it's friendly..."

"Except that it's been turned into a tourist attraction by Wattles." Weiss quickly put him in his place.

The other Bowser narrowed his eyes towards the heiress. "What'd you say?! There's no way tha-that my Castle has been taken over! T-that's ridiculous!" He started to advance towards her. "And you punks better stop making up dumb jokes before you enter a WORLD OF PAIN!"

Yang and Ridley got in the other Bowser's way, as the three looked ready to fight. However, Roman quickly put an end to this. "Enough! Look, Mr. Koopa, even you have to realize that the crisis going on right now doesn't just affect us, and you too! Wattles wants to make us all sign a creepy toy contract, and Hellen wants to turn the Mushroom Kingdom into a dog-eat-dog hellscape, and we need all the help we can get." Roman took a deep breath, before presenting his idea. "That being said, I think you should help us stop this bullshit and save Mario, Luigi and Peach."

Everyone else was shocked at the proposal. "Bro, are you crazy?! You want another Bowser to join us?" Chuluun yelled out.

"The catgirl's right y'know." Bowser laughed sarcastically. "Me, teaming up to free MARIO?! As if!"

"Then how will you get your castle back?" Kanade bluntly asked.

"Puh-lease! I'm the strongest, baddest, coolest king around this land! You think I'm gonna let anybody tell me what to do? And do you honestly think some crazy ghost and some stupid weirdo from wherever the World-8 he came from make a fool out of me?! I can rip them to pieces and boot them out within two shakes of my tail!" the other Bowser tried to act tough before he paused.

Everyone noticed the other Bowser staying quiet. "Uh, is he okay?" Yang asked.

Deep down, he knew he couldn't take on Wattles himself, especially since all of his troops were still trapped in paintings until he signed the contract. He was all alone, with no other allies; he needed any form of help at this point. The other Bowser knew that teaming up with these misfits to rescue his arch-nemesis was the only option left; even though he would never admit it to their faces. It was then he hatched his own crafty plan.

"Buuuuuuuuuuut!" The other Bowser yelled out, startling everyone. "If you chumps really need my expertise, then I guess there's only one option left." He casually walked to the door of the pyramid and slammed his shell against it, breaking it down. "Consider yourselves all honorary members of the Koopa Troop!"

Everyone was surprised by his statement. "Wait what?! Bowser, Roman was trying to say..." Lyre tried to explain it, but Bowser didn't want to hear it.

"Trying to say that you admire my strength, I know!" the other Bowser smugly gritted. "But right now, we have a duty! Now come on, if we don't rescue Peach or Mario, NO ONE WILL!"

"What just happened?" Ruby wondered.

"I think this Bowser just agreed to join us..." Mystle replied while still befuddled. "What do we call him?"

"I think Brosewx sounds good, yeah?" Drakus added, as Brosewx looked at the squad in concern...

Soon, as the sand shook, an orange ghost rose from the sand and opened her yellow, pupil-less eyes, gazing down at the squad, Biscuit was slightly intimidated as he hid behind his owner's back.

"Who's there?" she asked in a voice ringing with authority. "Who dares to wake Serpci, daughter of Serpcerset, ruler of the lands of my foremothers and forefathers?"

Roman gulped, doing his best to gain his composure. "I-I'm sorry, ma'am. O-Or queen. I mean, Your Majesty-"

But Serpci tsk-tsked. "Don't you know your adventure movies?" she asked, wagging a finger. "You should know that nothing good ever comes out of opening a sarcophagus! Now you've placed a terrible curse upon yourself and your descendants!"

"Looks like it is time to show you why people don't mess with sirens, then." Ariah said, getting into a fighting stance.

Serpci laughed, booping Ariah on the nose. "Just kidding," she cheerfully laughed. "You think I'm the type of queen who wants to curse people? Come on."

"Look, we're here to find an elevator button to advance another level in this deathtrap hotel." Zap added.

"Elevator button?" the female pharaoh echoed.

"He's right," Siita jumped into the conversation. "We don't mean to trespass without your permission, but we have to escape this hotel before we apparently get captured by Wattles, Reaper or Miss Gravely."

"Escape? From the hotel? Why would you even consider such a choice?" Serpci quirked her brow.

"Because we've been duped into thinking we were going to spend a vacation here, and now we're in a hostage situation and trying to keep Miss Gravely from turning the Mushroom Kingdom into a darwinist paradise." Drakus retorted. "We're not going to let you get in our way!"

Seductively, she floated out of her sarcophagus and backed the squad up toward a circular indentation on the floor. "While I sympathize with your plight," she cooed, "I can't let you off with just a slap on the wrist, either, now can I? There are consequences for awakening a centuries-old Egyptian queen. Which means all of you will be going on a little...detour."

Serpci chanted an incantation, causing the circle the squad were standing on to drop open.

"Not again!" Adagio yelled.

"Well, this brings back memories I never wanted." Ariah snarked while Sonata held up a sign that said 'Yikes!' before they all plummeted down, Brosewx screaming the whole way down, but not before yoinking the elevator button out of Serpci's hand, as the pharaoh looked surprised at this, but went along because, well, it's not the weirdest thing she's seen while stuck here.

"Good luck on your journey, dear travelers," Serpci said softly, waving after them.

---

"Ouch... Where the heck are we?"

Luigi only lasted a few seconds to gaze at his surroundings before coming up with an answer. Except he didn't have any time to speak as the platform they landed on opened as well, causing them to hurtle further down. The squad screamed before reaching a fathomless pile of sand. Luigi crashed head first, his legs flopping in the air as he couldn't get out.

"Oh, crap! Hang on, Weege!"

Dove tugged on the leg of his overalls until his head finally popped out. The sand tickled his nose and mustache, causing him to sneeze out loud as particles flew straight at the wall.

"Nyooooooommmmm!"

The squad jumped away in different directions when a random explosive fell in between them. The bomb set off and imploded on impact as it struck the sand. The gang gaped at Orville flying on an airplane, chortling to himself.

"Rats! I almost got you, but you should've seen the look on your silly faces when I dropped that bomb on you!"

"Where did you even come from?!" Cell yelled, flabbergasted.

"None of your business!"

"Vroom! Vroom! Incoming!"

"Eep!" Siita squealed, stepping away in time before Henry could run her over in his toy car.

"Hey! Watch where you're going! You don't even have a license to drive!" Mystle remarked.

Henry honked his horn twice and spat a raspberry at her. "And you don't have glasses to see us clearly! Get your vision checked, old lady!"

"Why you-"

"Sii-Sii, get back!" Drakus shoved her into a corner when Orville released another explosive, mere inches away from where she stood. The two crashed into the rugs, nearly knocking them down from their position.

"Come on, Henry! Let's buzz on out of here!" cackled the red-vested kid.

"Later, losers!" the purple-vested twin sneered at the ghost hunters. Both tried to flee through the northern wall, deeper into the pyramid, but there was a slight problem.

"This is the end for you two idiots!" Siita growled, as within seconds, the Granute captured the boys in her vacuum.

"Be weawwy, weawwy quiet, we'we hunting a way outta here!" Zinx said while wearing a deerstalker hat and holding a cork gun.

"So, we keep quiet and draw no attention, and then we leave this floor." Brianna noted.

"Sounds like a good idea, master." Marigold said. "Can I break some bones?"

"Maybe." Maurice said flatly. "Anyhow…I am counting on all of you. Especially…WHY'S THE APRICORN GUY HERE?!" the weird Apricorn-obsessed guy was indeed here.

"I feel a lot of apricorniness in this area, and I have to investigate it. APRICORNS!" he said.

"Pipe down. There are ghosts around here. If they find out that we're here, we're cooked. So be quiet!" Billy demanded.

"So, I don't talk about Apricorns?" The apricorn guy asked.

"You don't talk about anything, not make any sound. Otherwise, we're all dead!" Neo snapped.

"But if I can't talk about Apricorns, what good is life?" Apricorn guy asked.

"You need to get your priorities straight…you can talk about Apricorns later, if you shut up right now, okay?" Roman said, desperate to shut the idiot up.

The Apricorn Guy looked like the Windows.exe in his head stopped working. "I need Apricorns NOW!" he started to shout.

"NOBODY CARES ABOUT APRICORNS!" Maurice shouted back. "Oh Arceus damn it, now you have me doing it." Maurice then looked around and saw countless guys and girls in black and red 'R's on their outfit. "Oh, put me in the daycare."

"Why did you cause us to get caught?" the Apricorn guy asked dumbly.

"I can break his bones." Marigold suggested.

"Too late." Brianna sighed, as she raised her arms.

"So you thought you could get the drop on the glorious Proton…I mean Team Rocket. Def Team Rocket as a whole. Not just our glorious and handsome admin Proton." One of the Rocket's female grunts said as she gestured at her boss.

"Er…thank you for the introduction, Juno." The admin said, raising an eyebrow. The other Rockets rolled their eyes at her. Proton cleared his throat. "I see we got another few nosy people, a kid and…I don't know what he is."

"APRICORNS!" the Apricorn guy said.

"We don't know either." Lyre admitted. "So, any of you know the way out of this pyramid?"

"Oh, you mean old Kurt? The guy that does maintenace in the pyramid? Yeah, tried to take us on and threw out his back." Proton noted. "He is in our gentle care."

"I hope you don't mean that in a villain way where he is actually not in gentle care and is stuck in Mukky conditions." Maurice pointed out.

"Yeah, you better not have hurt the old guy…" Apricorn guy said. The squad hoped the obsessed buffoon had a moment of clarity. "I want to talk with him about the glory of Apricorns." And there it went.

"I hope the author writes him out of the story soon enough, he's driving me sane!" Zinx noted.

Proton wanted to ask what the crazy Zubat meant, but instead decided to reply to the first question. "No! I'm a Rocket, not a monster." He threw up his hands. "I have standards!"

"Apologize to the glorious and sexy Proton for doubting his integrity." Juno said.

"Girl, take his meat out your mouth!" Mystle remarked.

"Glorious and what?" Proton asked.

"Respectful." Juno quickly corrected herself.

"Anyhow, we're going to lock you up, we finish what we're doing and we'll be off." Proton noted.

"Yeah, we need to gather Slowpoke Tails." A Rocket Grunt said.

"Yeah we…" Proton stopped mid-sentence. "Joe, what was that about Slowpoke Tails?"

"Me and the boys started cutting them off, like you asked to." Joe said.

"No! That's horrific, I didn't ask that" Proton said. "I just asked you to get me a soy latte. How can you mishear 'Soy latte' for 'cutting Slowpoke tails'?!" Proton said throwing his hands in the air and mumbling. Juno handed him a coffee cup. "Ah, soy latte. Thanks, Juno."

"You're welcome." Juno said. And started staring at Proton's arse as he turned around to address Joe again.

"Seriously, what the Distortion World is wrong with you?!" Proton asked.

"Well it made sense at the time. Slowpoke tails are a delicatesse in Kalos and they are expensive…" Joe noted.

"No! No! No! No more Slowpoke tails! Seriously, the guys I have to work with, that's the last time I take interns for the summer!" Proton said.

"He's an intern? What job intern agency assigns people to you guys?!" Kanade asked.

"People whom ticked off someone at the agency." Proton replied.

"What'd you do to tick him off?" Maurice asked Joe.

"Slept with his sister." Joe replied.

"If you are not going to cut up and sell Slowpoke tails, then what are you guys doing here?" Maurice asked.

"Growing pot." Proton noted as he sipped his latte.

"How are you selling weed when you're in a hotel far from civilization?" Coomer asked.

"Yeah…I am just going to take the old man and leave. And I really want to murder the idiot for cutting Slowpoke tails. That's just not ok." Maurice added.

"You're free to do so." Proton noted. Right before he was hit between the eyes with an Apricorn and knocked out.

"Okay, what the fuck?!" Taeko asked.

"They wouldn't stop talking about annoying things that aren't Apricorns!" Apricorn guy said.

"And no one wants to talk about Apricorns..." Maurice growled.

"They hit our most handsome leader!" Juno yelled. "He's still handsome with a bruise but this attack cannot go unpunished..."

"'They'? We're not with this guy!" Mera said.

"Destroy them, for the glory of Proton…I mean Team Rocket!" Juno exclaimed.

"Is she second in command?" one Rocket asked.

"She is the one with her head up Proton's ass the most out of all of us, so she has to be." Another Rocket said. "So let's go with it." They all started sending out their Pokémon.

"I'll cut off their Pokémon's tails!" Joe said, holding out a knife.

"Joe, not cool man!" another Rocket said, whom looked disgusted at him.

"I hope that Proton wouldn't mind me handling his Balls while he's unconscious." Juno said.

"Girl, I know you're thirsty but you don't feel up a guy that's out co-oh, you meant the Pokéballs." A Rocket said as he saw Juno summon Proton's Zubat and Koffing.

"I'm admittingly besotted with Proton, but I'm still respectful of his body!"

Siita hurriedly grabbed a golden statue off the scale and carelessly blew it off the 3000's hose, right into a Rocket, who was sent flying into a nearby jar. To her surprise, a ghost flew out after it was broken.

"Ow! Hey! You there! What's the big deal, destroying jars that aren't your property?!"

Luigi recognized the person as Jarvis, a jar-loving ghoul with a large, purple head and yellow eyes. He remembered seeing him in the first mansion.

"Well? Are you gonna stand around and act like a lost kid in an empty playground? Answer me!"

"Um... Sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you. But we're in the middle of something here, and-"

"I'm gonna get one thing straight with you. Don't mess with me jars or myself when I'm resting! I finally found a new home to lounge around! If you think about breaking me habitat, you got another thing comin', rubberhose!"

Using his magic, he lifted the nearby vases and threw them at the squad. The Granute ducked and dived into the sand to avoid the shattering shards.

"...Hm " A deep, raspy voice sighed out, dramatic and deep. "It would seem that the ghost twins didn't kill you…"

Ariah staggered to her feet, the beating of the sand knocking her into the air a little now and again.

"Very well." The voice sniggered, and a figure faded into view. It was huge, looming high above the group, twisting slightly, and the squad felt a rush of nausea as she realized she was staring at the upper half of a massive inverted corpse. Where the neck should have met a head, there was only a gleaming red eye, seemingly lodged into the stump.

The squad was facing the ghost of someone whose head and hands had been severed, and it chuckled nastily as it vanished from sight and proceeded to spiral the sand around them, slamming its fists on the sand hard, as a large sand mound in the shape of his face stood tall above them. Paranormal gates blocked off the sides of the pyramid, the entrance, and the door behind them. This time, they couldn't escape. To make matters more freaky, four snakes appeared at the top of the sand sculpture.

"Holy shit! Is this guy called Medusa?!" Kanade shouted.

"Lilith, cover your eyes. Your papas and mamas and nobis are gonna do something that is not meant for your little eyes." Drakus added.

"Let's end this because this is getting more awkward and crazy then being an epic battle scene." Maurice noted. "Okay Marigold, you can break some bones now! Morrigan, lunch time! Zinx…I would say 'go crazy!' but it's you so it's 'do what you do best!' Lilith, stay in Daddy's backpack so you can stay safe."

PHANTOM SHADOW BEAST

BONGO BONGO

BGM: Devil (Shinedown)

Sonata yelped, diving out of the way of a wild swing from one of the hands, barely avoiding being slapped into the sand.

"AIR RAID!!!!" Ariah screamed, knowing full well that by the way the hands were flying, the ghost was coming in for a strafing run, as she had seen when she was at Pearl Harbor on December 7th, 1941.

"Death from above!" Gohma roared, landing hard on top of Bongo Bongo, sinking talons and fangs into him. Roman saw his chance, leaping forward, slamming Melodic Cudgel into the Shadow Beast's eye.

"So, how do we defeat this thing?! What the fuck do we do?!" Gordon yelled.

"Look out!" Azfk yelled.

The serpents near the front sneered and slithered their heads at the squad. They dove off to the sides, avoiding their mouths. Neo noticed how they were stunned momentarily.

"Alright, Samekichi," she ordered, determinedly setting her fists at her collar. "Shark Fang, left!"

With a sharp forward force, the gray shark bolted off, gnashing razor teeth at Bongo Bongo's left side.

"Alright…" She took a stance, planting her feet firmly on the ground. "Sal. Start off with Photogenic Breach!"

Good strategy…that would give him a moment to warm up, especially since he hadn't battled in such a while. Squeezing his eyes shut, he focused the magical energy generating within him and extended it to his body, sending a fizzle along his legs. This technique greatly enhanced his speed and maneuverability, and he'd be able to avoid many of the projectiles the ghosts and Rockets could throw at him.

"I don't know what I was expecting." Maurice said as he grabbed the Apricorn Guy's leg and started using him as a living weapon to smash into the Rockets and Jarvis. "I am beating up a motherbreeder with another motherbreeder!"

"There! He's there!" Memoca shouted, whirling a sword she got from an electric eel, and jabbing at the creature's eye. Phantom, Pianosaurus and Barinade quickly joined in, with Barinade and Phantom launching magical bolts and blasts of lightning at the Rockets, Jarvis and Bongo Bongo, as Pianosaurus slashed and clawed at the Rockets.

"Die, criminal scum!" Barinade cheered, flashing electricity throughout their tentacles, wrapping them around the invisible beast. Zap rolled back to avoid being fried by the electrical blasts, lowering the lens a bit as he watched Barinade ride the spectral monster like a violent bull, flashing violently. He could actually see a truly fucked-up looking skeleton in there from the sheer intensity of the blasts. Finally, the hand that Dodongo and Shirabe were mangling swatted the dinosaur and valkyrie away, and delivered a truly impressive slap, sending Barinade to the sand with a wet splat.

"Oh my bonny lies under the ocean..." They sang deliriously.

"I am happily breaking bones with my Master!" Marigold said as she shocked any Pokémon and Rocket around her, as Brianna took out a machine gun and started filling Rockets with lead. And tackling them really hard. "I love serving my master!"

"Anyone seen Joe?" one of the Rockets asked.

Morrigan belched and Joe's hat flew out of her mouth, covered in saliva. Joe's voice could be heard from her belly: "This isn't so bad. It's bigger then my last apartment."

As Hibikii, Drakus, Maurice and Fukami was beating up Rockets, another Rocket tried sneaking up on him. Lilith poked her head out of the backpack, as Dolphi leapt in front of the squad. The Rocket looked confused, and then Dolphi's eyes glowed, as did her hands, and she started to throw the Rockets around the cave, making pinball sounds every time they hit something as Lilith spat Hyper Beams from her mouth.

Zinx had set up an entire stage, with a guitar, mic and amplifiers. She started to very loudly sing in the microphone, and the squad covered their ears as Zinx unleashed her unique take on Supersonic.

Staring at death, I take a breath, there's nothing left

Now close my eyes, for one last time, and say goodbye

Lying naked while the snow falls all around me

Drifting closer to the edge but She won't have me

Wake up in sweat, full of regret, try to forget

These memories, lurking beneath, lost in a dream

Unchosen paths, a broken past, forespoken wrath

The pain won't cease, I'll find no peace, no sweet release

Fragile creatures, we are taught to fear the Reaper

Ever running, we are dead before we meet Her

These voices telling me let it go (let it all go)

I try and try but I can't say no (try and say no)

This endless nightmare has just begun (nowhere to run)

My heart is dragging me down into oblivion

The endless lies, I've cast aside, locked them in ice

Steeled is my soul, my blood grown cold, I've gained control

Fearless creatures, we all learn to fight the Reaper

Can't defeat Her, so instead I'll have to be Her

These voices screaming to let it go (never let go)

This time I'm screaming back no no no (go on say no)

My mind's made up, yeah my fear is gone (Where have you gone?)

Open my eyes now here I come, oblivion

For the last time (I won't say goodbye)

For the last time (I won't say goodbye)

For the last time (I won't say goodbye)

For the last time

END BGM

In the end, all the Rockets were defeated. Rather easily, as Jarvis was lodged into the vacuum. "You know, I thought this would be harder. But that's what you get when your team consists of interns." Maurice noted.

"I broke femurs!" Marigold noted. Morrigan blinked, as the squad's pokemon laughed as Nougat ritually sacrificed some of the Rocket grunts to the ancient ones.

"I don't know what we are talking about!" Zinx said in a very cheery tone.

"Goon!" Lillith chirped.

A howling scream filled the air, the now-familiar black smoke and flashes of light filling the room.

For a moment, the now very-visible corpse monster remained still, the single crimson eye blinking slowly.

"...Whoa…" He murmured, stunned. "You have like, opened my eyes, little ones… Like, damn, I get it, playing with the entrails of the innocent is a major mood killer…but...seriously, did it warrant me being hanged, drawn and quartered, burned at the stake, riddled with arrows and getting my hands and head chopped off?!"

"...What the fuck?!" Mystle said.

"Hey…! You look like that Sheikah lady who kicked my ass all those years back! Yo!" The now cheery ghost waved to Mystle, who gaped at him in utter disbelief. It was clear she hadn't been expecting this sort of personality to come from something so… unsettling.

"Ouch, my freakin' head…" Proton noted as he got up and his Rockets were all battered, bruised and scorched, and so were their Pokémon. "What the Distortion World happened here?"

"We kicked your collective asses. At least me and my team did. This guy…" Maurice pointed at the Apricorn Guy, whom was also badly bruised. "Not so much."

"Apricorns…" the Apricorn guy said weakly.

"That's what you get for letting your fighting be done by interns." Proton noted as he massaged his temple. "Let's just get out of here. Koffing, Smokescreen!" The badly battered Koffing let out his last energy for his smokescreen to cover their escape.

"Cough-cough! I got it in my mouth!"

"Warn us next time!"

"My asthma!"

When the smoke cleared, they were all gone. Maurice sighed. "Well, that just happened. Am I a hero? I don't feel like a hero."

"You are a hero to all of us." Zinx noted. Morrigan nodded.

"You sure are, dude!" Joe said.

"How did you get out of the Totodile?" Ombra asked.

"Don't ask." Joe said. There was an awkward pause. "I'm skedaddling now!" Joe said as he walked off.

"How much weirder can things get?" Maurice asked.

"Dude, this place is great. They grow weed here!" the old man from earlier said, smoking something. "I am Kurt. I make Pokéballs. Heh, Balls!" He inhaled some more. "This stuff's good for my glaucoma!"

"Right..." Jiibh muttered.

"Anyways, Kitten, what the heck was the Inquisition?" Drakus asked.

"Ooooooh! Hold it. Wow. I think that's the meal of a thousand sacrificed souls being prepared, let me go and check on it." Kittonious said, as he tried to sneak off, only to be stopped by Roman

"Did you just say "Regular every day meal of a thousand sacrificed souls"?!" Roman asked, completely shocked with the simple idea of a thousand people being sacrificed everyday, and he wasn't alone.

"YOU ARE NOT GOING ANYWHERE UNTIL YOU TELL ME ABOUT THE INQUISITION, BANANA HEAD!" Drakus snapped.

Kittonious cringed, and shuffled Drakus into a nearby room, and once the two got out moments later, Drakus was raging.

"Oh, that can't have gone well." Weiss remarked.

"WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU ALL BECOME?! LABOR CAMPS AND STERILIZATIONS?!" Drakus yelled, Megatron and Vholran slipping into his voice.

"Wait, would your planet actually have something like that done, Drak?" Kanade asked, with no little trepidation.

"We helped fight a war against people who were doing things like that, so no." Drakus remarked. "BUT STILL, MURDERING MILLIONS OVER SUPERSTITION?! EXCOMMUNICATION OF ACTUALLY LOYAL ASTARTES?! HAVE THOUSANDS OF PLANETS AND THEIR VALUABLE ASSETS DESTROYED BECAUSE SOME FREAKS DECIDED TO EDGE TO GENDERBENT QUASIMODO WITH BARBED WIRE, AND ACCIDENTALLY SUMMONED A DEMON OR TWO?!"

There was a collective cringing at that last example. "That doesn't sound fun." Ruby admitted. The rest of her team was in agreement.

"How could anyone be that paranoid or cruel?!" Akira exclaimed.

"Wait, did they fuck up after the barbed wire gets involved?" Siita asked with a smug grin.

That managed to get a laugh from everyone, even Maurice chuckled a bit.

"BE PAINFULLY HYPOCRITICAL AND USE ALIEN AND DEMONIC WEAPONRY AND AID TO CARRY ACROSS "MY WILL"?! TECHNO-MONKEYS?!"

"I'm sorry, what?" Cell asked.

"Techno-monkeys?" Sora asked.

"The hell if I know." Lune deadpanned.

"But, my Lord...the Inquisition's work has saved mankind on numerous occasions. Like during the Hive Fleet Leviathan Crisis when the Inquisitor known as Kryptman stepped forward. The Tyranids, which he had previously named them, had managed to outmaneuver the Imperium but thanks to Kryptman that threat was abolished! He had managed to have a Magos concoct a poison against the Tyranids which they then managed to defeat them entirely with!" Kittonious sputtered.

"Do I need take notes BECAUSE WHAT IN ZARZOKA'S BEARD IS A TYRANID?!"

"Euuuh...right, it's kinda nasty, but still! It was quite heroic of him!"

"And HOW MUCH was the cost?"

"Emmmm...well. Let's just say he didn't have the luxury to count the cost..."

"Considering what we know of this Inquisition thus far, I expect it meant many materials and manpower were sacrificed to make said poison." Doom commented.

"Phyrric victory then?" Neo rhetorically asked.

"Anyway, there was also one time during the First War of Armageddon where the Grey Knights helped the Space Wolves fight off a Daemon Primarch!" Kittonious said, internally praying Drakus doesn't snap.

Now the entire room, sans Kittonious, Satsuki, Hajime, Leo, Keichiiro, Momoko and Amanojaku, shouted, "DAEMON PRIMARCH?!"

"NOW YOU ARE BRINGING UP THOSE FUCKING GREY KNIGHTS AGAIN WITH THAT STUPID-ASS BABY CARRIER DREADKNIGHT THING!" Drakus yelled.

There was a collective snicker among the squad at the memory of the Dreaknight. So dumb!

"My new eyes are still sore from seeing that abomination!" The Emperor added.

"Yes, but truly the Space Wolves received great aid form the Grey Knights in that battle."

"What next?" Drakus asked.

"Uhhhh, what do you mean?"

"What happened afterwards?"

"After all that I have heard, I am certain I am going to be disappointed." Siita and Jiibh said simultaneously. They then looked at each other with wide eyes, and facepalmed.

"Uh...well...the Space Wolves kinda wanted to save the survivors of the war but the Inquisition sorta wanted to put them into labor camps and sterilize them and have them die off -"

"That's a bit harsh." Blake sniped.

A wolfish growl escaped Lyre's throat at the thought of such a thing. This was a planet that, if she understood it correctly, could still survive, and the people could still get on with their lives!

"And the um...Space Wolves didn't reeeeeally like all that much so... Well there was a cold war and the Grey Knights betrayed the Space Wolves and some shit happened BUT THAT ISN'T IMPORTANT! Because, well, one time the Grey Knights stopped a Bloodthirster using an ancient and very dangerous technology known as the Bloodtide from destroying a world and it was truly GLORIOUS!"

"Yeah, I'm not so sure I wanna find out what a Bloodthirster is anytime soon." Ruby stated. "Doesn't sound fun..."

"What did they do?" Drakus asked.

"Aw shit, uuum... they killed a massive amount of innocent Sisters of Battle and anointed their armor with their blood... BUT-"

"Lemme stop you right there, Banana Brain. This...CULT, whatever caused it to form, is a concentrated brand of psychopathy and stupidity!"

"Thanks, Drak." Yang deadpanned. "Somebody needs to point out the stupid."

"For once you and I agree wholeheartedly." Ombra said, raising one eyebrow(?).

"THEY WALK AROUND AND DO WHATEVER THE FUCK THEY FEEL LIKE WHILE BULLYING THE BROKE BITCHES THEY SEE BEFORE THEM, ALL WHILE HAVING THEMSELVES AND ALL THEIR TROOPS ORNATE IN LOADS OF SHINY SHIT AND SKULLS TO LOOK OH-SO EMPEROR WORSHIPPING WHEN REALLY THEY ARE JUST CREEPS AND THUGS IN TRENCH COATS, AND THAT'S ALL THEY'LL EVER BE. Now, Kittonious, get this message to whatever you have as messangers. I want this sent to every corner of the FUCKING omniverse!" Drakus snapped, writing on a piece of paper.

"I, Drakus Hydrax, the reincarnation of the Emperor of Mankind, have an announcement to make. TO ALL ORGANIZATIONS CONTAINED WITHIN THE HOLY ORDERS OF THE EMPEROR'S INQUISITION, AND THE ADEPTUS MINISTORUM, YOU ARE BEING DISBANDED, PERMANENTLY. Return to your sector of birth and work as a regular citizen, once more. Refuse, and you'll be branded as renegades until you give up your quest to conquer the galaxy in the name of this dogmatic religion. Signed, Drakus."

"Ring ring!" Weiss said cheerily, miming holding a phone to her ear. "Yes, Imperial Inquisition? This is your boss speaking. You're all fired! Clear out your desks by this afternoon and don't let the door hit you on the way out! Ta-ta!"

Mystle turned to her girlfriend in shock. "Remind me to never get a job at the SDC once you take it over, Weissy, because you'd be terrifying as a boss."

Weiss merely gave the most innocent smile she could muster and shrugged. "Who, me? Don't be absurd, babe! I am nothing but approachable! I would be the best boss!"

"Well well. Lord Megatron's new vessel's actually trying to be something other than a foolish tyrant. I suppose a lot really can change in a thousand stellar cycles." Starscream snarked.

"No way this can backfire." Kanade remarked, as Kittonious put the paper through a portal to the Scribes.

---

Meanwhile, on a mining planet.

"Lord inquisitor Fyodor Karamazov, there's something here." An inquisitor said, running to the throne where Fyodor sat.

"What is it? Do not waste my time. I am very busy initiating exterminatus on this mining world for not giving me the shiny shit we need. Seriously, we can't have our soldiers walking around without their bling." Fyodor remarked.

"I have a very important message for you, sent from the Emperor himself." The inquisitor said, as Fyodor grabbed it and read it.

"WHAT!?!" Fyodor gawked. "This is HERESY!"

---

Later, Fyodor assembled his inquisitors, and glared solemnly at them.

"There is no doubt about it, fellow Inquisitors. Whoever sent this message is a heretic. There is a heretic, pretending to be the Holy God-Emperor of Mankind." Fyodor explained.

"Heretics, pretending to be the Emperor?" The representative of the Ordo Malleus, Grand Master Elirush, asked, not impressed with the explanation. "Will anyone believe this...actually, considering what this organization is, most of the followers will probably believe it."

The representative of the Ordo Hereticus, Donklas, put a finger to his mask. "Either it is the Emperor and he's got a plan that involves us having to disband, or it's a cult." He mused.

The representative of the Ordo Xenos, Adrielle Quist, cackled manically. "Yes, maybe even a genestealer cult!"

"Seriously?" Donklas inquired.

Fyodor nodded solemnly. "We cannot let this heretic keep doing what he is doing!"

"B-but we can't exterminatus Holy Terra, not even in the past, right?" Elirush asked.

"I'm losing all my faith in mankind." Donklas muttered under his breath. "Besides, that'd be kind of counter-intuitive."

Adrielle smirked. "Counter-intuitive? What the fuck does that mean?"

"How can you be so foolish?" was all Elrirush could say after such a display of stupidity.

"We cannot perform exterminatus on Holy Terra, niet! But what we CAN do...is trace the paper to its source, and perform a thorough search-and-purge of the planet." Fyodor grinned.

Elirush facepalmed. "That sounds REAL good and all. But one problem, WHERE DID THE MESSAGE COME FROM?!"

"Elirush, just think of it as more of a manual exterminatus! With more door-kicking and burning buildings." Donklas said, trying to look on the bright side.

Adrielle grinned. "Maybe we can check if this particular Terra is a tomb world while we're at it!"

Fyodor smiled. "Now, my brothers and sisters. Radical or puritan. The only thing you need to do is follow me to this realm, find the culprit who is behind these messages and kill him, for the Emperor!" Fyodor yelled as the Inquisitors raised their weapons.

---

Normally, a hotel wouldn't be complete without its amenities. Aside from fine dining, room service, and the standard facilities provided in each suite, The Last Resort offered an indoor gym with a swimming pool. Unfortunately for the squad, this was not the time to neither exercise nor lounge around with a complimentary drink. They were sticking to the primary objective: finding the next elevator button.

On the bright side, the squad had rescued most of the hostages since they escaped down the laundry chute on the first night. Red Toad, Blue Toad, and Yellow Toad were all free from the paintings. Peach, Luigi and Mario remained captive, but the squad knew theyre close to freedom. It made perfect sense that they're with Hellen, Reaper and Wattles at the uppermost level of the hotel. All they had to do was survive Floor 13, followed by the penultimate floor. By then, they'd reach the penthouse.

"To be honest, I wasn't expecting a gym to be built on the thirteenth level. Wouldn't it make more sense if it was on one of the lower floors?" Raiden mused.

"I really wouldn't question it too much if this wasn't a haunted resort," Luigi sighed.

"I think it's safe to say that Hellen really went all out for creating the most unusual hotel in the history of hotels," Siita murmured.

"You gotta admit, Hellen got crazy when she designed this!" Biscuit added.

Upon reaching the new destination, the squad stepped into the lobby of the Fitness Center. The only daunting features were the two bronze fountains; a Hammer was engraved on each one, holding large, spherical weights behind their backs. It goes to show how these blocky spirits are just as strong as Bowser, or Brosewx. Then again, these Hammers were just statues. To their right was a counter with a check-in notepad and a rotary phone. On the other side was a glass wall with an icon of a barbell. The same image appeared on the floor within a circular ring, too. Beyond the wall was a trophy case with multiple awards displayed on the shelves. There were also some gold bars and a yellow gem in the shape of a barbell.

Luigi shuddered when he realized the ring was a pressure plate. Unlike the trap in the Tomb Suites, it caused the wall to barely open from the bottom.

"Hey loser!" a familiar obnoxious voice sounded. It was Silver, who was smirking and tossing the button up and down, as he held an orange ghost in a green and white leotard in a jar.

"Why?!" Maurice shouted out to the heavens.

"Is that one of your friends?" Jiibh asked. "And a girl too?"

"Girl?" Silver asked gobsmacked. "I'm not a girl!"

"On second thought, this will prove amusing." Maurice said with a smirk.

"You have long hair like a girl…" Siita pointed towards Silver.

"It's a style choice!" Silver's anger flared up. "Furthermore, I am not interested in clowns, I'm here to defeat Maurice once and for all prove I'm the trainer who will become champion."

"At least Lango wouldn't peddle bad fanfiction about himself like that." Jiibh pointed out.

"Bad fanfic? Who do you think you are?" Silver noted.

"People that don't have the IQ of a fish stick? Correction, the fish stick at one point was an intelligent lifeform." Siita added.

"Oh, going to need a bunch of Rawst Berries for that one." Zinx pointed out.

"At this moment, I'm so proud of you, Siita." Maurice said.

"It's bad enough being insulted by you Maurice, but those brats have the guts to insult me as well? Well…it ends here! Because I'm not alone and I have gathered your greatest enemies. And we'll crush you together!" Silver said.

"Doesn't that defeat the purpose of trying to prove yourself superior to Maurice in one to one battle if you make it a team effort?" Marigold asked.

"I…shut up!" Silver shouted. "Behold first are my mons! You remember my Popplio, he has now evolved into a Brionne!"

Cobalt stood there, now evolved. "By having killed enough enemies, I have honored the storm gods enough to enter the next phase of my evolution. Once I do more I'll be able to reach my final stage and join my deities at the table of slaughter!"

"Er…" Silver felt queasy. "I also added a new member. Meet Fortunata the Zubat!"

There was a shiny Zubat whom reminded them of Zinx…Only psychotic. She had a miniature sleeveless straightjacket in bloodsplatters, and for some reason, was able to fly while holding a knife in one of those tail thingies Zubats have. "I wanna play a game. It's called poke-poke! I take this knife and I poke people!"

"Oh, hello sis! Still a crazy psychopath I see!" Zinx waved at the other Zubat. "Yeah, that's my sister. She's as crazy as me but evil. When I do crazy stuff, it's to be funny. But what she thinks is funny…" Zinx started to explain.

"Is stabbing?" Ombra asked.

"All types of torture and murder in fact. Might be the only way she gets wet." Zinx noted.

"Ew, gross, no! I don't care about any of that sex stuff, why is everyone so obsessed, anyway?!" Fortunata shuddered and flew back out of disgust. "You're dying first for that, sister!"

"No worries, she never managed to stab me before. Came close, but never succeeded." Zinx added.

"You know, with that Brionne already insane in the membrane, is there a need for the bat?" Nommy asked.

"I agree, this heathen should not be on the same team as me. She is just a psychopath. She has no purpose beyond her twisted joy. I do this because I serve a higher power, as the storm gods demand blood!" Cobalt said.

"Blah, blah, blah!" Fortunata noted. "How can you make murder sound boring? No need to bring religion into it, that stuff takes the fun out of it and ignores the art of the kill!"

"You know nothing about the glory of the storm gods, you out of control flying rat!" Cobalt said.

"And you take killing too seriously, you primadonna seal!" Fortunata said.

"Next one!" Silver said quickly. "I have a Gastly, Ceasar!"

"Whassup?" Ceaser, a fairly normal Gastly, said.

"Oh…what is your schtick? Serial killer?" Maurice asked.

"Nah, I used to be a Farfetch'd. Then I was caught and eaten." The Gastly said.

"I am on the run, I take any food I can get. And Farfetch'd is delicious." Silver said.

"Oh, sorry about that." Siita said.

"It's ok. As a Farfetch'd I was only good as a woodcutter's sidekick forever, forced to be stuck with HM Cut. Unlike our Galarian cousins, we have been given the middle finger and not received an evolution. But as a Gastly, I can evolve into a Gengar, and get a possible Mega or Gigantamax form. So, for me, life really starts after death."

"Odd that he's the sanest of the Pokémon I own." Silver noted.

Soon, Fyodor, Elirush, Donklas and Adrielle leapt through a portal. "Hey! Hey, Fyodor! Isn't it Boring around here? Like, incredibly boring?" Fyodor's assistant, Dominique, asked.

Fyodor facepalmed. "Be quiet, Dominique! That's what I just said." Fyodor snapped.

Dominique bridged his nose. "No, that's what I just said! You know what would be fun? Letting me sit on your throne! I've always dreamed of being up on that throne with all the…fun things I can do up there..." He then looked at Cobalt. "Hey, Fyodor, look. It's that giant blueberry seal that tells me to burn houses down and kill things!"

"Rule number one. If a seal tells you to kill things, kill the seal," Lamni sniped.

"How do you know what to do in this specific scenario?" Kanade asked, shocked at this.

"...You don't wanna know." The demon answered, bluntly.

Fyodor was shocked at this. "What!? You're of the Adeptus Custodes! Explain your presence here immediately!"

Kittonious smirked under his helmet. "Indeed I am! And I have come to deliver a message upon you. What you are doing here is interfering with the Emperor's will, and also really damned stupid! ...Like, seriously, how dumb can you get?"

"Again with murderous reigious folk? Cobalt, I think I found your people!" Fortunata remarked.

Dominique then saw Cobalt's twisted grin, and was both horrified and aroused by the murderous seal. "I'm sexually confused, Fyodor! Kill it, kill it! Quick, left shoulder man, shoot while the seal's still sexy!" He then saw the gunsman wasn't responding. "Uuuh...left shoulder man? Left shoulder man?? Oh, wait, there's a needle in his arm, he's on another planet."

"Probably the wisest man in the room." Maurice noted.

"Er…so those were my Pokémon, here are my teammates. Apricorn guy!"

"Those whom insult the glory of Apricorns must pay. APRICORNS!" the guy shouted. Scalper, the Sneasel whom was with him, twitched and flinched as his trainer shouted Apricorns to the top of his lungs and looked like he really didn't want to be here.

Fyodor looked in concern. "What in the name...of a thousand dead heretics ARE YOU SPEAKING OF!?" Fyodor exclaimed.

"The Birdkeeper!" Silver introduced the next one.

The Birdkeeper held up a birdcage with a Magnemite in it. The Magnemite, Tweets, was not amused. "I'm not a metal bird, you stupid fuck!" it shouted at its trainer.

"That's what a metal bird would say!" the Birdkeeper replied. Tweets sighed in defeat. You can possibly win an argument with a wise man, but no one wins an argument with an idiot.

"And finally, Steve!" Silver introduced a fastfood worker. He had an Abra, Shift, with him…whom was fast asleep.

"We don't know half these guys." Maurice said.

"What? You called me dumb, you insulted me and you don't recall me?" Steve asked.

"You know that doesn't narrow anything down at all for me? Silver and the Apricorn guy are just a special brand of stupid and annoying." Jerome said.

"We fought only a few days ago, right before you went to Floor 3, you forgot me?" The Birdkeeper asked, saddened by this.

"Er…could you run it by me again? You know, run, that's what people do, in the opposite direction of you if they have to listen to you for more than ten seconds." Maurice said.

"You honestly don't remember me? You wronged me in the worst way… I served you at that restaurant…and you didn't tip me!" Steve said.

"Oh yeah, you're the guy who couldn't make a simple Volcano Burger. The only thing you did right was that it was at least food, and that's the only thing we can agree on. But in everything else…how did you mess up so badly? First, A volcano burger should be spicy! It's in the name. Volcano…heat…spice! How could you make a Tamato Berry sauce taste like dishwater with paprika in it? Second, the bun was soggy. It fell apart and I couldn't get my food out. So you gave me a fork…a freakin' fork?! For a burger! Arceus gave us already two fine pieces of cutlery for burgers called hands! Between that, wilted lettuce, chewy pickles and worst of all, you forgot the cheese. Pepperjack Moomoo Cheese is what completes it! They make these recipes simple since it is a low end job, if you fail even as something as simple as that there is no hope for you!" Maurice said.

"No future for you, boy." Coomer added.

"He takes Volcano burgers really seriously." Zinx pointed out.

"Wait, there's other things to eat in the world than Volcano Burgers." Siita asked.

"I can stop whenever I want!" Maurice said.

"I honestly have no idea what is going on anymore." Silver said. "I am surrounded by crazy and stupid…is this how you feel all the time?" the red headed rival said as he turned to Maurice.

"Pretty much!"

"Enough, let's just destroy them all! Attack!" Steve said as he pointed with Shift…whom just snored as Abra sleep 18 hours a day and it only knows Teleport anyhow. The rest of the Pokémon attack though.

"Let's put them out of their misery." Maurice said as he pointed at the incoming attackers, and the squad retaliated.

Fyodor gulped. "Oh, this shall be a long Exterminatus..."

"Hey Fyodor, we're getting jumped again! And this time by a horde of insane xenos and degenerates! It's like a ruddy ocean of drugs and unusual means of weaponry!" Dominique said, grinning.

Fyodor facepalmed. "Just be quiet, Dominique..." Fyodor said, as he readied his arsenal.

The water below began to ripple and pulse, flowing rapidly, stretching upwards slowly. A single pink sphere glowed in the pool below.

"Intruders die." Hissed out its voice.

GIANT AQUATIC AMOEBA

MORPHA

"What the hell?!" Phantom jerked back, though a bit too late to respond as they were bombarded by a huge flood of water, knocked into the wall.

"He has absolute control over water!" CraftyCorn realized, as the water now flooded around them, attempting to prevent them from moving properly with wild ebbing and flooding, rushing in and sucking back out to keep them unbalanced. Zinnia attempted to regain her upright position, as a tendril of water snaked out, wrapping around her like a rope and tossing her upwards, flinging her aside.

"EEEK!" She squealed as she was sent flying, bouncing against the wall painfully.

"Ha! HAHAHAH!" Volvagia cackled. "You're all boned! You-" He was rudely interrupted when he too was flung violently into the air.

Morrigan and Ridley bit down on Caesar, so that was over quickly.

Adrielle and Fortunata moved in a random pattern, so the squad couldn't hit them with bullets. Neo and Marigold barely avoided Adrielle's blade and Fortunata's knife, only gaining a cut on their cheeks and wool and hair cut off. "I'm going to make me a mean rack of delicious lamb chops, all that's missing is a grill!" Fortunata said with a grin on her face.

"Shit! She is too crazy to hit!" Neo said.

"But not for me!" Ombra said as he and Zinx tackled the Zubat and Inquisitor and held them down. "Now! Don't mind us!"

"You'll fry us all!" Adrielle said.

"Yeah, but you forgot my plot armor!" Zinx said as she now wore actual armor.

"It is a kid's birthday knight costume made from plastic…with the world 'Plot 'painted on it with your handwriting." Fortunata noted. "WHY?!" With that, the four were hit with bursts of electricity, but Zinx was unaffected because at this point, I myself don't know anymore, while Ombra shrugged it off.

Blizzard had just used a small icy wind on Cobalt, and Stuart fired a shotgun at Scalper. Shift just kept snoring.

"This place shall become your grave. Your bones shall line the floors and your flesh shall feed the beasts who guard it."

"Terrifying." Gohma sneered, her claws digging into the floor as the water flow attempted to batter her about. She had to move painfully slowly, but she could crawl towards the pink nucleus- Morpha's true self was there, she was sure of it.

Unfortunately, she was a bit too heavy to swim, and the sphere circled over her, tauntingly just out of reach. Even rearing up on her tail did no good, as Morpha simply rose higher.

"I have all the time in the world to kill you… How to begin, I wonder?" The orb swirled, the water pushing at Gohma, attempting to rip her from the ground. "Perhaps I'll smash you like the bug you are, or perhaps I shall bombard you with beasts that are more adapted to the water than you? So many choices…"

"How about this choice…? Kiss my tail!" Ridley retorted. "...Or better yet, get spiked into my jaws, loser."

"What?" Morpha paused, only to be slammed down by Phantom, who brought his spear down with both hands, launching the sphere through the water at Ridley.

Unfortunately, Morpha missed the jaws and smacked clean into the eye.

"FUCK!" Ridley howled up at Phantom, who cringed. Morpha reeled a bit, only to yelp as a metal spike jabbed into them, dragging them close to Drakus, who smirked as he clicked the longshot.

"Hello." He grinned nastily, before slamming BlueBlaze into the orb, sending it flying once more with a gush of blue fluid.

"Enough… Enough of this!" Morpha hissed, and suddenly, there was a heavy booming shake that ran through the temple. Doors from across the floor shattered as water pressure mounted, causing even more water to flood into the floor, until it was fully underwater. The pressure began to grow, weighing them down.

"He can even control the water pressure?" Sal mumbled, shuddering as the water seemed to press into him. The water level began to lower as more pressure was pushed down on them all, focusing on soft and weak places…

"Hey criminal scum! Forget about me?!" Boomed a voice. Barinade hadn't had much opportunity to use his electrical shocks in this temple, for fear of electrocuting their friends, but they saw no alternative. Plus, with no endoskeleton, they were mostly unaffected by the increasing pressure. With a loud blast, the room flashed as Barinade unleashed jets of electricity directly towards Morpha. Bits of static got the others, but it was nothing compared to the tiny pink sphere.

"GYAAAH!" Morpha howled, the pressure relenting, water no longer pinning or battering the others. Using the opportunity, King lunged from his place above Morpha, tackling the little ball into the floor of the temple, pinning him underneath a massive claw.

"Get his ass!" He roared, holding Morpha down. Drakus leapt forward, BlueBlaze flashing as it struck home. Black smoke erupted into the air, and a blinding flash washed over them.

Slowly, the water level receded, and Morpha rolled upright, the soft pink sphere no longer as hostile as it had been moments ago.

"Oh. Huh." He hummed, swiveling around, puzzled. "...I was being a real jackass, huh?"

"This was embarrassing. Well guys, I never liked you to begin with so I think we should end our partnersh-" Silver turned to the other trainers on his side, only for them to lie dead and disemboweled, with Fortunata and Cobalt feasting on the bloody remains. "Holy Arceus!"

"They were weak links, they had to be removed." Cobalt said.

"That and it was fun!" Fortunata added.

Silver looked pale, as if he was about to throw up. He then picked the Pokéballs of the corpses of his former partners. "Well you're all mine now."

"As long as you don't talk about Apricorns, I'll do whatever you say." Scalper said.

"Same for me only with a 'no birdcage policy' instead of the Apricorns." Tweets added. Shift was still sleeping.

Kittonious shrugged. "I've come to make the announcement to you...through the amazing technology of this world, the Emperor is once more able to lead us!"

"WHAT!?!?" Fyodor yelled, as he emitted a practically Khorne Chaos red rage aura.

"Well, yeah. The Emperor told us to go forth and have his message delivered and that is what we have done! Now, Inquisitor, step off that throne and-" Kittonious started.

"NOOOO!" Fyodor snapped. "You vile scum! You LIE! You're corrupted! Chaos has planted its seed into your minds...You are all heretics! HERETICS!!"

"Alright, yeah, I'm done being nice for today. Give this crazy bastard the Emperor's peace..." Kittonious started.

"I'm not finished, Maurice. While my teammates are down, I have now a full team. I just pop some Revives and we can start over ag-" Silver said.

Lilith's eyes were covered by Maurice as soon as they noticed the murdered annoying trainers no one is going to miss. But she suddenly decided to wave her little arms, which started glowing.

"Is she using Metronome?" Judas said, having noticed his niece doing something, as Morpha aimed a jetsream of water at the Inquisitors.

Suddenly, a Draco Meteor surged from her mouth incinerating the corpses and leaving a glassed black crater. As for Silver and his Pokémon, and the Inquisitors, they shot through the air by the water blast. "Are you kidding me? Am I actually blasting off?" Silver said.

"Hey, hey Fyodor, we're being sent flying to who knows where!" Dominique exclaimed.

"Still better than the Apricorns!" Scalper said.

"They think to spread chaos and ruin throughout the Imperium of Man, do they? The cowards, the fools! This is the worst incursion of corruption I have ever seen." Fyodor muttered.

"Hey, that's what the doctor said when he looked at my lungs!" Cobalt said. "I bet you could use a cigarette after this, huh?

"Does this upstart not know that I am the purest, mightiest, and most ruthless witch hunter in the galaxy! I am the one and only who gave the middle finger to the Ecclesiarchy the first time they tried to spread chaos throughout the Imperium! And I will do it again! Dominique, prepare your parchment..." Fyodor muttered. "Tell the rest of the Inquisition, that the Emperor has been hijacked by heretics! And the Adeptus Custodes have joined the ruinous powers. Tell them that we need as many Inquisitorial troops here as possible! Tell them we need those forces here yesterday...Tell them...Tell them to bring everything. Emperor forbid, we may even have to take...the final measure..."

"I'll do that in a jiffy!" Dominique said. "Just as soon as we land somewhere. Which may take a while."

Silver and his team, and the Inquisitors, now became twinkles in the sky.

---

To say Reaper was furious was an accurate testimony, yet it was also an understatement.

His hands were gripping the armrests in pure ire. He grumbled and seethed in his seat. Long after Ug was vanquished, the X-Squad had freed three of the captives.

"How do you still survive?!" the criminal reiterated. "In what world do you live in where continuing to fight your way up is ideal?! I can't believe you!"

"Huh..."

Reaper paused as he heard a familiar groan from behind his chair. Revolving around, he blinked a few times, gazing straight at the exasperated face who was in Hellen's vault. It was more bogus than the one during her introduction to Luigi and his party in the very beginning. The crime lord got out of his chair and confronted the duo.

"Hellen Gravely, Matthew Chappelle..." Wattles snarled with a disgruntled frown.

"Um, h-hello, W-Wattles... Heh heh, how are you doing to-"

"Do I need to remind you of your end goal?" the cassowary leaned forward until they were inches apart.

"Sir, I can assure you there was a tiny slip-up," Hellen gestured by pinching her thumb and index finger close together.

"A TINY slip-up?!" Reaper made the female apparition and cassowary flinch.

"O-Okay, I admit. I could've phrased it better. But please, stay calm! It's no problem at all!"

"Do you even hear yourself, Hellen?!" Wattles instantly interjected, his fear palpable. "You promised the squad would be locked away and sealed in a painting until they agreed to sign the contract! And this was mentioned long ago! Now they've gotten to the point where they only need to rescue the brothers and Peach, and we're basically alone with a psycho that might kill us if we slip up!"

"N-NO! Wattles, please understand! There's still one more floor they need to conquer before they could even try to infiltrate my Master Suite! Please-" Hellen was about to place her hand on his face, but Wattles swatted it away with his wing.

"Don't. Touch. Me," he warned.

"Please, just give me one final chance! I swear that I'll fulfill your heart's desires!"

Reaper glared into her yellow eyes with contempt. He already regretted many of the decisions he had made beforehand, and had a feeling he was going to deal with it again once the words slip from his mouth.

"Technically, I'm not obligated to do anything you order. However, I will give you both one last shot."

Hellen was somewhat relieved to earn another opportunity, but his tone didn't rejuvenate her confidence. "What would that be?"

Reaper didn't say a word, but he walked to the corner of the Main Observation Room where Mario and Luigi's painting stood, and hoisted the frame off the wall. Hellen extended an arm out, but she quickly realized what he was doing. Once he was done, Reaper was nose-to-nose with Hellen again.

"If they succeed in getting past Sundowner and Polterkitty and get to the vault, Calypso, you and whatever Twisted Metal racers aren't caught yet are to handle them, and should they fall, you two must head to the roof and we can summon Karkas. Am I understood?"

Hellen batted her eyes in fear and gulped. Eventually, she responded, "Y-Yes, boss..."

Wattles nodded in terror. "Ja, herr Reaper..."

"Good," he maintained his growl. Then, he stomped to the wall, and his temper ignited immediately, a snow white aura surging around him. "X-Squad...Shadow Strikers...you're getting cashed in first once I start the summoning!"

---

Retro. It was the first word that popped in the squad's heads the second they stepped out into the lobby. Bright, neon lights lit up around the elevator, from the wall icons of stereos and a group of people dancing to the tiles on the floor directly below their feet. One could say they're blinded by the lights.

Despite the fact he had never been face-to-face with either ghost since the night he found out the hotel was a trap, Raiden was both hesitant yet determined to encounter them for hiding up in the penthouse. There was no other place they could be right now. It also had to be where Mario and Luigi were being held captive. All he had to do was claim the '15' button, and he'll be one step closer to the ultimate showdown.

"Is it just me, or do you feel the floor vibrating a bit?" Neo stopped to ask the others.

"I feel it, too," Taylor answered.

"Must be some music going up there. According to the map, this Elevator Hall is only one of two rooms on this floor. So, there is a decent chance we can find the button quickly compared to most of the previous levels," Krell deduced.

"The question is, who's guarding the final one?" Siita queried.

"Only one way to find out!"

"Huh?" Biscuit stepped on an unlit tile before a light-blue color nearly blinded his eyes. He wondered if lighting up the entire floor uncovered a secret. The squad didn't seem to notice as they moved forward, so Biscuit stayed behind as he carefully strolled across the panels.

Once he lit them all up, they switched to a shade of green except for six of them where they died out. He went over to one of the unlit tiles, but he wasn't able to press the others as they were separated from where he sat. And if he walked away from one, it instantly became dark.

"Hey, lads!"

"What is it, boy?" Luigi turned around.

The ghost dog pointed his paws at the floor, indicating there was a secret linked to the puzzle.

"Do you think he wants us to step on the dark panels?"

"Yes, that's right!" he confirmed Roman's question. He soon watched the squad take an open tile. But there was still one more left.

Seconds later, the floor elevated with a loud sound effect, causing the squad to jump. King Boo had a feeling this was going to occur, so he didn't react in the slightest. A small staircase was provided for the heroes to head up onto the platform.

"See? This couldn't have happened unless it was on purpose. It has to be!" King Boo sniped.

"Either way, there's definitely going to be at least one ghost lurking to spook us," Huntsman reminded the squad.

"Let me try something." Colombo was the first to climb the steps. He got closer to the button and was about to snag it with his mouth. To everyone's surprise, he let out a muffled bark, showing that he grabbed it with ease.

"Hey, that was easier than expected!" Neo laughed.

"Good boy, Biscuit!" Luigi exclaimed, patting his knees.

The Polterpup woofed once more until something unexpected happened. On the stage, the loudspeakers roared with an ultrasonic boom, forcing the heroes to cover their ears. The brash vibrations caught Biscuit off guard as he accidentally let go of the button. He was even sent flying forward off the platform. Luigi somehow managed to hear a whine through the cacophony. Eyeing his counterpart's pet in midair, he hastily ran forward to save him from his fall. All for the price of nearly going deaf from the constant blare.

"OW! I can still hear the blast!" Mera complained out loud.

Likewise, Siita was just as irritated as her eyes were squeezed shut. "Someone turn it down!"

Luigi gently placed the dog down before tuning out his ears. By then, the blast dissipated but was replaced by some bass-boosted music playing through the speakers. The plumber opened one eye and noticed something emerging behind a DJ stand. Soon, Sundowner walked forward, holding an orange ghost in a red dress and afro in a jar, as Polterkitty leapt down from the rafters.

"Shhh, don't disrupt the students while class is in session. I believe you're familiar with the lesson plan, X-Squad... The same regimen Jack went through in Liberia. Effective program. Just look how he turned out." Sundowner remarked, as he opened a pillar to reveal a brain encased in a jar, labeled Fishhook. "Of course, running it in the real world just got a bit too... complicated. Doing it virtually though? No fuss, no muss. Straight to the brain. It's like a dream. Well, maybe that's is the wrong word. They do kill some POWs... some civilians..." Sundowner cackled. "They enjoy it though. We give their pleasure centers a nice big jolt every time. Plus they got a shiny new body as a graduation present. Another thing you have in common..."

"I chose this. Some of these are kids, you son of a bitch!" Raiden snapped.

Soon, Drakus found a diary and scrapbook, and he gulped in pure terror as he read through it. "So, apparently Hellen violated Nikki, Lindsey and Ginny in the worst way imaginable..."

The room exploded into chaos.

"What?! How dare she?!" Daruizen snapped.

"Who knows how many more little girls she got her hands on?!" Lyre yelled.

"She better not go near Arthi! If she does, I'll mount her head on my wall." Sabrina growled.

"Why have we not heard about this until now? She should be in TARTARUS for this!" Doom yelled.

"Forget Tartarus! I say we kill her, and hang her bloody body off the ramparts!" Mystle declared, growling.

[ayo, pause!]

[monkaS]

[monkaS]

[monkaS]

[Ew!]

[What the FUCK?!]

"Ok, I am disgusted by this, and I've done some awful things." Sukuna muttered, as he saw what Drakus read.

"Let's get this straight. I may be a convict, and still am a con man, a thief, and sometimes even a killer. I lie, I cheat, I steal, and I survive. But I do NOT promote rape, and especially pedophilia! That's low even for me!" Roman snapped.

Billy gulped, seeing a picture of Nikki when she was human, and she was rather...naked, and she was crying and had noticeable hickeys in it. "WHAT THE FUCK DID HELLEN DO?!"

"Ginny and Lindsey were raped too?!" Stu exclaimed, finding the pictures of Lindsey and Ginny, who were also naked, crying and had noticeable hickeys. "Chambrea got skinned alive! Johnny had his face torn off, wrists slit open and was forced to live for several days without a face! Potter was left to suffocate inside a pile of candle wax! Morty was electrocuted! Soulffle had his skull fractured by a hole being drilled directly through the frontal lobe! Oh god, was Gloria's head crushed with a hammer?! Holy fuck, the ghosts that lived here, Hellen killed them all, but Nikki, Ginny and Lindsey had their brains put here?!"

Drakus gawked as he read through Hellen's diary. "This is sick and twisted as a whole! She might be surprised to learn it, but even psychos like me have standards, and Gravely has reached the point where SHE disgusts US!"

Julie sighed. "Okay, let's be real here, alright? We're all fucking concerned about what Hellen did."

Barinade quickly added rape and pedophilia to Hellen's charges at speeds so fast they may be considered the new Flash.

Ridley gawked at this. He had no morals, yes. But even then he knew where to draw the line. Sure, killing, maiming, and all of that fun stuff. He condoned that. Even slaughtering entire cities to a degree. But there were just some crimes, like rape and pedophillia, that someone shouldn't commit. Even someone like Ridley, who despite the fact that he was a pirate who killed millions, knew that committing those crimes makes you an animal.

Adam growled. "I worked with arms dealers, con men, mad scientists, and even a psycho that tried to become immortal. And I have met so many atrocious people in my visit through the omniverse and Hellen, sir, is the absolute most horrid person I have ever met in my entire life. She's not even a person anymore. She's a monster."

Kanade looked at the contents of the diary, "I'm getting first dibs on killing her. Nikki, you and your sisters don't deserve what happened to you and Gravely doesn't deserve to live."

"Well, yeah, pretty much." Nikki added, shrugging, trying not to see her last picture as a human. "Seriously though, what are you planning with our brains?!"

"See, kids are cruel." Sundowner explained. "All people are, by nature -- they just lose touch with it as they get older. Start thinking they know right and wrong, what's immoral! War crime-this, Code of Conduct-that…but ghosts, you can mold, manipulate into performing all kinds of atrocities -- and there's nothing like a good atrocity to keep a war going."

"But that's why we're shutting this debauchery down." Inkerton said. "And once ye both go down, we'll stop Hellen and Wattles, and keep Karkas from being summoned."

"You just don't see the bigger picture, do ya?" Sundowner asked, twirling his blades around. "Say you bring this whole place down, waltz outta the rubble with all these precious brains… Nothing changes. All the guys in charge are long gone. And we've got offices 'round the world. We're just suppliers. We don't create the market for war. The Patriots just managed the war economy -- they didn't invent it. Didja think every battle in history was all part of some big ol' conspiracy? Bullshit! War is just part'a who we are. Why fight it? Anyway, none of this will matter in three hours. Demand for PMCs is about to skyrocket. Like the good ol' days after 9-11! Even at Mach 2 you wouldn't make it. And killing you is gonna take some time, X-Squad, it'll be slow...and...painful!"

"Check it, ladies and gents!" Polterkitty cackled as she leapt down from the rafters, suited up in a red hoodie, taking charge of the dance group as seven more hooded figures appeared on the platform. Polterkitty swiped the elevator button before anyone moved a muscle. "Now, we're gonna wipe the dance floor all over you!"

"Uh-huh, that's what I'm talking about!" Sundowner smirked as he continued the beat. "C'mon, lemme hear some noise!"

After a round of audible cheers, Polterkitty shuffled backward and hid her face within the red hoodie. "Come and try to snag this from me without getting dizzy! I bet your eyes can't detect me!" She cackled.

The other dancers performed a dab while the cat ghost kept grooving to the music.

"Come on, guys, we have to find that cat!" Neo remarked.

The hoodie-wearing ghosts disappeared for a few seconds before re-emerging in an aligned formation. Any one of them could be Polterkitty, who is holding onto the elevator button. Even with her body shape, it was difficult to discern which dancer was the cat.

"Oh wait, I got a super suction feature!" Furina laughed, as she turned it on, as the ghosts were sucked in, as Sundowner casually walked into a portal, as Furina shook the vacuum and got the button.

"We can't play here. Follow me." Sundowner said, as the X-Squad rushed to the elevator.

---

"How's this? We can play up here without damaging the merchandise." Sundowner laughed as the X-Squad rushed out of the elevator and glared at the Winds of Destruction, as Snicker-Snack, Tempest, Winterhold, Valjean, Cosette and Kamen Rider Zephyr were holding off the ghosts.

"What happens in three hours?!" Drakus asked.

"He'll launch Operation Gravestone, obviously." Hurricane said.

"Who? Wattles?" Mystle asked, as Sundowner laughed.

"Nah, pint-size, Reaper's bringing out Karkas!" Sundowner laughed.

"Enough from you!" Raiden snapped. "Where's Mario and Luigi?!"

Mistral grinned. "None of that matters at this point. This could technically be very good... for the boss, of course," she laughed. "The X-Squad, and a shining knight in grey-"

"I'm not a knight, I'm a mercenary, you bitch!" Raiden butted in.

"As Mistral was saying," Monsoon trailed while wandering behind the desk, "you're about to become the ultimate gift! It's even better with all of your closest allies nearby because this could be a fine opportunity to recapture all of them. Only this time, you'll get to join them inside a portrait! And when we offer your frightened, little faces plastered on the canvas, the boss will be delighted and we'll spook the entire world! Oh, this will be a marvelous Christmas present! You might as well have wrapped yourself with a beautiful, red bow! But first..."

Monsoon snapped his fingers, and the heroes heard some mechanical noises from behind. Dove widened his eyes when he spotted three individuals clothed in green, pink, and blue marching band outfits respectively. They were famously known as the Clockwork Soldiers. The wind-up trio started trudging slowly, but then they bolted over towards the squad, along with the Twisted villains.

"Well sibs, looks like we got a call back." Yakko said.

"Right!" the trio declared together.

Super Strong Warner Siblings!

Hey, hey, Super Sibs!

The trio transformed into animal oriented uniforms that were white and a specific color attributed to them.

"Power of the Blowfish!" Yakko cried.

"Power of the Anteater!" Wakko exclaimed.

"Power of the Platypus!" Dot declared.

Then, Yakko was in a blue and white uniform with a blowfish-like mask, Wakko in a red and white uniform with an anteater-like mask, and Dot in a yellow and white uniform also sporting a skirt with a platypus-like mask. Rem was outfitted with a white and light violet uniform. Around her waist was a skirt with spear-like folds. Sprouting from her back were very dark purple dragon-like wings.

"Holy shit!" Drakus exclaimed. "You have the power of a dragon!"

"Huzzah..." Rem said unenthusiastically.

They stood defiantly against the villains before them.

"Right!" the trio declared again.

BGM: Bad (Downstait)

Yakko went after the Twisted villain Orbital, bound to a Mitra spirit, and decked him in the jaw, next was The Joneses, a villain with multiple-personality disorder that took the form of an entire family. They were bonded to a Shiisaa spirit, appropriately enough. Drakus activated a new key he got. This one created a silver armor based on a horseshoe crab.

"HARD!"

The extra defense provided by the key let Drakus bulldoze The Joneses, leaving them wide open as Jay, Vee and Enn knocked them out together. Further ahead was another Twisted villain, this time Gold Tooth, bound to a Hecatoncheires spirit. Wakko quickly took him out for transport. Ridley rushed to deal with the Twisted villain Vermin, bonded to a Unicorn spirit. As they went down the hall, they soon reached another Twisted villain. This was the robotic RC Car, bound to an Okuninushi spirit.

"Time for a new power, Drak!" Snatchee declared.

Drakus activated the new Progrise Key, generating a yellow armor based on a giraffe.

"ELECTRIC!"

The electrical attacks from the key let Midorang overload RC Car, leaving him wide open for Neo to finish the job, and another Twisted villain dropped down from above. It was Primeval, bonded to a Neko Shogun spirit. Drakus quickly activated the new key, gaining an orange armor modeled after a stag beetle.

"SCISSORS!"

This power manifested twin blades meant to strike inward like a pair of scissors, striking Primeval and setting him up for a punishing strike from Dot. Once the villain was defeated, the eyes on the statues started to shine.

"Interesting," Robin Hood said.

On the way forward, the next Twisted villain appeared immediately after. This one was Meter Maid, bound to a Kurama Tengu spirit. Drakus activated the next key he snagged, obtaining a lime green armor modeled after a Hercules beetle.

"STRONG!"

Drakus felt his already incredible strength increase even further, letting him launch Meter Maid right into the air. Robin Hood and Rem leapt after her, taking her out with their abilities. But another Twisted villain was right at the entrance. This time it was Goggle Eyes, bound to a Ganesha spirit. This time Captain Kidd, Milady, and Arsene teamed up for the capture.

"That's half the Twisted Metal team," Valjean noted.

Further ahead was the Twisted villain Pit Viper, bound to a Naga spirit. Zorro was quick to know her out. Towards the exit to the area was another barrier to hack. Once Necronomicon had it down, the team was able to proceed, but another Twisted villain tried to attack. This one was Tanker, bound to a Seth spirit. Cendrillon was able to deal with him.

Going to the master bedroom had the team find another Twisted villain. This time is was Warhawk, bound to a Valkyrie spirit. Carmen dealt with this one. After which the team hopped across a few electric towers to bypass the searchlights around the room, after which Necronomicon took down another barrier with a hack terminal. Inside the keep, Drakus found his next Progrise Key.

"Drop that power source!" came a demanding voice.

The team turned to see another Twisted villain. Now it was Specter, bound to a Sarasvati spirit.

"Not happening," Drakus said, "I'm taking back my inheritance!"

He activated the key, triggering a yellow armor modeled after a hornet.

"THUNDER!"

The Thunder power was capable of creating sound-based shockwaves, which sounded like actual thunder. This stunned Spectre long for Johanna to deal the knockout blow, and the Twisted villain Shadow had been spotted, bound to Queen Mab spirit. Zorro quickly hunted him down for capture.

Traveling through the hall, the encountered the Twisted villain Flower Power. She was bound to a Fortuna spirit. Captain Kidd was quick to knock her out. The switch needed to access the tower keep was behind another hack terminal.

"We're getting a lot of these here," Necronomicon noted as she finished up, "Not surprised with the sci-fi setting."

The Twisted villain waiting behind the barrier was Trash Man, bound to a Thor spirit. Milady and Zorro worked together to take this one down. Once they reached the tower keep, more puppet guards appeared.

"Don't let them ruin the master's grand vision!"

While everyone was fighting, Drakus managed to grab the next Progrise Key. He triggered it to create a silver armor modeled after a gorilla.

"POWER!"

Drakus felt his bones and muscles harden and his limbs rotate to just the right angle to improve his punching power, letting him smash through the puppets easily, and they found another Twisted villain. Specifically the villain Mime, bound to a Legion spirit. Symonne took this one out.

Finally, the Twisted villain Dark Tooth had been spotted, bound to a Cerberus spirit. Mystle was able to take him down.

On the way forward, another Twisted villain confronted them. This time it was Quatro, bound to a Norn spirit. Drakus triggered the new key, giving him a green armor based on a hedgehog.

"REVOLVER!"

With the rapid-fire spines Drakus could now shoot, Quatro was left wide open for Uzi and Cell to capture him. The Twisted villain Manslaughter had leapt forward, bound to a King Frost spirit. Indus easily took him down for capture. Another Twisted villain was spotted in Shibuya. It was Crazy 8, bound to a Black Frost spirit. Mera was the one to capture him.

The Twisted villain Twister had rushed forward, bound to a Trumpeter spirit. Lune was quick to knock her down. Another Twisted villain, Sweet Tooth, rushed at them, bound to a Siegfried spirit. Hibiki and Chris tracked him down for the capture. Finally, the Twisted villain Mister Slam had been found in Okinawa, bound to a Mara spirit, and Micha jumped in to handle him.

"71,650… 71,649… 71,648…" Former Illuminati leader Saint-Germain murmured as she continued firing her gun into the record, subtracting one of her many sins with each puppet guard she slew and every ghost she captured. "The church has tried to kill all of us more than once over the years…it failed then, and you shall not kill us today!"

"Oooh, they just keep coming and coming, and we keep getting to kill these puppets!" Cagliostro giggled, jiggling her breasts as she fired energy bursts at the puppet guards. "It's making the estrogen go to my head!"

"Ugh, this is getting to be such a pain," Prelati complained as she eradicated several dozen puppet guards with her Kendama. "I never thought I would say this, but slaughtering Catholics is starting to get dull. Carol! How much longer is this going to take?!"

"Hey! Master will take as long as she takes! Don't rush her!" Garie snapped, flinging ice crystals at the Twisted villain PaleRider, who was bound to a Mot spirit, and Drakus decided now was a good time to activate the new key, creating a purple armor modeled after a spider.

"TERRITORY!"

Firing off webs that could trap an opponent, Midorang left PaleRider vulnerable.

Micha giggled as she sprayed fire everywhere, the flames dancing in her eyes as the ghosts fled into the vacuums to escape the flames. "This is so much fun!"

"No shit!" Garie cackled, rushing PaleRider, knocking him unconcious. "Hope Milaarc gets her Dracula ass here soon, she's missing out!"

"This place might have a philosophical effect much like a church, much like how I can break anything that counts as a sword, and Tachibana can destroy anything that counts as a God," Phara reasoned as she generated gusts of razor wind with her blade.

"So, she's a philosophical Dracula or is this a philosophical church?" Hibiki asked.

"Yes," Phara said unhelpfully.

Garie bridged her nose in exasperation.

Leiur conjured and flicked coins into the air, the projectiles ricocheting repeatedly off the walls and ceiling and floor and piercing the puppet guards dozens of times per second. "I have absolute faith in Master, so shall not ask her for progress…"

On the way up, there was a chest with another Progrise Key inside. Further up was another Twisted villain. This time it was 12-Pak, bound to an Abaddon spirit. Drakus triggered the new key, gaining a cyan armor modeled after a kangaroo.

"POCKET!"

"So what does this one do?" Drakus wondered.

He reached into the pocket, and was surprised to pull out energized boxing gloves.

"The Pocket Quirk grants whatever item a person may want for any situation," Sophia explained, "Like better gear, for example."

Drakus chuckled.

"Betting dad was surprised when he lost this one."

He proceeded to beat down 12-Pak, setting him up for Milaarc to knock him right back down by leaping in through a window. Inside the villain's pocket was a Progrise Key, as the Twisted villain Darkside, bound to a Cu Chulainn spirit, rushed at Neo. Furina was quick to take him down, anf two more Twisted villains rushed at them. The first was Death Warrant, bound to a Dominion spirit. The other was Kamikaze, bound to a Kali spirit.

"I've got some keys to try out," Drakus noted.

He activated the first one, creating a pink armor modeled after a tiger.

"FIRE!"

The burning power that came with the key let Drakus knock the two villains into the air. Tomie and Roman finished off Death Warrant after that, while Yuina knocked out Kamikaze, and another Twisted villain ran at them.

"So who's this?" Captain Kidd asked.

Lyre sighed.

"I believe his name is Nuclear Missile Launch Tank."

"Nuclear Missile... What the fuck...?" Captain Kidd muttered, "That's the coolest name ever!"

"Either way, he's bonded to a Metatron spirit," Drakus noted, "Time to try another new key."

The next key created a sky blue armor modeled after a polar bear.

"BLIZZARD!"

With a blast of arctic chill, Drakus was able to ice over NMLT, leaving him open for a beatdown from Taisho. Next was Crimson Fury, bound to a Black Ooze spirit, and Lunarre brought him down, and then the Twisted villains Moon Buggy, bound to a Lilith spirit, and Limo, bound to a Kikuri-Hime spirit, attacked. Billy and Stu took both of them down easily. Next was Pizza Boy, bound to a Nebiros spirit, and Firestarter, bound to a Forneus spirit, Kermit was able to capture Pizza Boy, and Grim captured Firestarter. Next was Warthog, bound to a Yatagarasu spirit, and ATV, bound to an Alice spirit. For Warthog, Krell handled the capture. Meanwhile, Monika was able to knock out ATV. Next was Yellow Jacket, bound to a Yoshitsune spirit. Sora handled him personally. There was also Mister Grimm, bound to a Lucifer spirit. Ruler was able to capture him, and Coomer lodged the Clockwork Ghosts into the Z-00.

"The server room is over here," Necronomicon said, "But look...!"

"Well, well, well..." Calypso muttered, his face facing the wall of screens. "You actually made it. I honestly didn't think you'd have it in you. A scaredy-cat like you, making it this far... I must say, you are one persistent band of misfits. You're just FULL of surprises!" he trailed.

Raiden maintained his glare at the back of the rolling chair. But when he rotated around to face him, some of the anger was substituted by anxiety. Calypso's menacing, red eyes nearly made him lose his confidence.

"Calypso himself," Arsene noted, "Didn't expect to run into him."

Calypso had an Archangel spirit attached, as he chuckled.

"Get to the core!" Valjean told Drakus. "We'll keep him busy down here!"

Drakus hurried up and found the Progrise Key powering the room. This one had the image of a cheetah.

"Let's see what you can do," he said as activated the key.

The pseudo-digital energy coated him in an orange, cheetah-themed armor

"DASH!"

"Dash, huh?" Drakus noted, "I was already pretty fast before. Let's see just how fast this new power is."

He raced down at speeds unheard off, knocking into Calypso and leaving him open to get blasted by Mr. Puzzles, as the resulting shockwave freed Peach, aaa this realm's Mario and Luigi, who quickly thanked the squad and ran off.

---

Reaper smiled beatifically, tears running down his cheeks as the demonic voices of the Choir of Autoscorers continued wailing, as the Millennium Gates slowly opened, creaking and groaning all the while. The Ark of the Covenant pulsed in tune as it resonated with their phonic gain and channeled its power into the humanoid figure dangling from the carefully reassembled True Cross at the center of the roof, the crown of thorns, bearded face, and torso wound making it immediately recognizable to any Christian in the omniverse, though the skin color was a bit darker than he had expected and he tried very carefully not to think it.

"Isn't it beautiful, Hellen, Wattles?" Reaper asked. "Soon, Karkas will be free, thanks to the instructions left behind by my ancestor! Years of work and prayer will soon reach their culmination!"

Wattles nodded solemnly. "And to think, we might have completed our task much sooner if you had known that Jesus was actually buried in the Vatican, rather than somewhere around Jerusalem, as most people believed!" He frowned. "Which would have made a lot more sense, honestly."

"Life works in mysterious ways, my friend," Reaper said with a smile. He sighed wistfully as he continued listening to the Choir singing. "Do you know, I think I can almost hear him coming!"

"I think that's mainly the screams of people running, with the plumbers and Peach evacuating everyone, on account of the hotel lifting into the sky and beginning the process of freeing Karkas," Hellen pointed out.

"My search will be finished, and nothing can stop us now-"

It was at that point that several missiles blasted through the roof, exploding spectacularly and demolishing a sizable chunk of the Choir as the squad leapt out and landed dramatically, as the Valkyries were singing at the tops of their lungs.

"Peek-a-BOO, suckers!" King Boo laughed.

"My name is Veruca Salt. You killed my mommy and daddy! Now, prepare to die!" Veruca yelled at Hellen.

Reaper snarled. "The X-Squad and Valkyries?!" He asked, shocked by this. "How did you beat Calypso?!"

"Dash, bitch," Serena explained.

"WE LEAVE YOU ALL ALONE FOR HALF A DAY AND ALL OF THIS SHIT STARTS HAPPENING NOW!?" Ryuko roared, slamming down as her music crested all at once, dying down and fading as she stormed out of the crater she'd made with her impact. Golden hair swished through the air and fluttered like living flame, her entire body covered in red lines that highlighted her nudity with the implication of clothing, while wings and horns and a tail burst from her body alongside an aura of energy shaped like teeth around her hips. Her tail lashed angrily while she glared at the assorted members of the Occult Research Club as well as the single present Exorcist… and the other two assholes on the field. "AND THEN THERE'S THIS GUY AGAIN!? HOW ARE YOU BACK!?"

"NANOMACHINES, BITCH! THEY BROUGHT ME BACK IN RESPONSE TO Y'ALL CHOPPING ME INTO FISH FOOD AND SENDING ME TO TARTARUS!" Freed cackled, dancing a horrible looking jig despite the fact that he also seemed to be bleeding out of a giant slash wound on his chest… though, even that was slowly healing.

"What the fuck happened!? Yuuto, what the fuck!? And, also, did you fucking make a copy of my scissor blade!? Why the fuck is it black and white!?" Ryuko yelped, pointing at Yuuto, who seemed utterly spent as he kneeled on the ground with, indeed, a pair of scissor blades made in black and white- both of which seemed to have broken at some point, strangely enough.

"... It's a lot to explain," Yuuto answered, giving her a tired smile. "If we get out of this, I'd be happy to go over it."

"Oi oi… this is too fucking much…" Ryuko groaned, palming her face before pointing at Issei in his Balance Breaker, who was once again somehow one of the few people left standing on the field. Even Rias and Akeno seemed out of it, being that they were currently in the midst of being healed by Asia.

Koneko was… also there, but also almost naked for some reason.

"Can someone fucking explain what the hell I missed!?" Ryuko shouted, finally, motioning for Issei to say something, literally anything.

"Ah-! Me!?"

"Yes you! You're the only one ready to fight right now!" Ryuko groaned, shaking her head with a loud huff and pulling her scissor blades from seemingly nowhere with a growl. "Who the hell are we even fighting anyway? The Executor? The other Executor? And who the hell is that fat guy anyway!?"

"I am Valper Galilei, scientist and holy sword enthusiast!" the fat guy explained, then fell silent as Ryuko sent him a glare that literally sent shockwaves through the air. "Gah!"

"... Well… uh… the winged guy was helping the fat guy and the asshole over there, and the fat guy is the reason why Yuuto's been so messed up lately, and uh… well. Freed Sellzen is just Freed Sellzen." Issei explained, poorly, from where he stood. "I was about to try and go punch the winged guy into a pulp so the Prez n' Akeno let me suck on their titties."

"... And who was gonna deal with Freed?" Ryuko deadpanned, sighing as she pinched the bridge of her nose.

"NOT YOU, BITCH! WHAAAACHA-HURK!"

"... Man, I told you… SHOUTING IT OUT LOUD MAKES IT NOT A SNEAK ATTACK YOU STUPID MOTHER FUCKER!" Ryuko screamed, catching Freed by the throat as he tried to stab her with a truly obnoxious looking sword, crushing his throat in an instant before reaching out and shattering the sword with a single stomp of her bare foot against the glowing golden metal. "And seriously!? What the fuck is this cheap-ass cosplay sword, huh!? The fuck kinda bullshit are you on, bringing this junk to a fight! And you! Blue girl whose not Tsubasa!"

"... Me?" Xenovia mumbled, looking around for a moment before pointing at herself.

"Where the fuck did you get that giant blue sword from!?"

"... Is this really the best time!?" Xenovia asked, somewhat hysterically, before motioning at the other beings that were left on the field….

"My name, mortals, is Kokabiel, leader of the Grigori and the most powerful being here!" Kokabiel announced himself grandiosely, spreading his arms wide as the ground continued to shake- both from Ryuko's aura and his own.

Magic clashed against pure life fiber infused willpower, sparking in the center as streaks of lightning began forming and deflecting off to the sides around them. The clouds in the sky seemed to part, the ground beneath Ryuko's feet splintered. Her power flowed around her in literal waves, as if the ocean was surging from her body and telling the angel in the sky that she held dominion over this town.

"Still… alive… bitch…" Freed groaned, reaching up weakly to try and fight, only for Reaper to grin, and threw Hellen, Stewart, Wattles, Freed, Valper, Kokabiel and the Winds of Destruction into the growing rift emanating from the gates, their bodies crumbling into pure energy as they fell through.

"No matter, Karkas is coming and this will be your tomb!" Reaper yelled, cackling maniacally.

"So, how much time before we shut the pipe organ?" Drakus asked.

The former Illuminati Frankenstein, Vanessa Diodati, rolled her eyes. "Thanks for the vote of confidence…" She muttered, she, Doom, Argost, Ver, PO3, Xavn, Carol, and Elsa working frantically at the controls of a massive machine resembling a pipe organ mixed with a Gothic computer dominating the center of the roof, a contract was placed in a dome receptacle just beneath the capsule, energy being channeled through it as ghost energy was converted into the power the weaponized seat of religious authority needed to open the portal.

"It's… Going," Vanessa grunted, focusing on multiple holographic screens flashing before her at once, her mechanical digits split apart to hit far more keys than a regular human could. "We're making progress, but slower than I'd like."

"This thing is way more complex than yours was, Carol," Elsa complained, plugged into the organ through her tail port, which she emphatically and repeatedly claimed was not her butt.

"I've noticed," Carol snapped in frustration, using her Faust Robe's strings to manipulate dozens of keys, buttons, switches, and other contraptions simultaneously. "As much as I hate to admit it, papa's designs far outclass my own… Which of course means they absolutely eclipse Prelati's."

"Hey!"

"Carol, you don't need to be mean to our friends," Elfnein protested.

"First, Prelati is not my friend, and second, yes I do," Carol said dismissively. "Dammit… I feel like I'm missing something.… But what is it?"

"Well, maybe if you didn't burn up your memories whenever you used alchemy for hundreds of years, your brain wouldn't be Swiss cheese!" Prelati jeered.

"Even with my brain full of holes, I was still the most powerful alchemist in the world for hundreds of years, far stronger than you all," Carol reported. "And now that I'm doing alchemy properly… I still am. Also, girls, please don't kill Prelati, she may still be useful though I have difficulty figuring out how."

"Awww," the Autoscorers complained, startling Prelati, who realized they'd been only moments away from killing her.

"Don't worry, girls! We all believe in you!" Cagliostro cheered.

"I don't," Prelati grumbled. Cagliostro smacked her without looking.

Saint-Germain struggled not to roll her eyes. She was so looking forward to a home-cooked meal and some much-needed cuddling from her refreshingly ordinary wife once this was over. Who would've thought she'd somehow become Hibikii Tachibana's stepmother?

Then, the light from the portal only grew brighter and hotter. Within seconds, a claw emerged from it. Then another, as Solver, Benry, Okidogi, Munkidori, and Fezendipiti leapt into his mouth, as the dragon flew forward and latched onto the hotel, alongside a bronze mech resembling a hippo mixed with a whale, a silver crocadillian mech, and a gold falcon mech. It hung inches off of the ground and turned its attention to the squad, immediately casting chills down their spines.

"Well, everyone. That is Karkas. Just as vile as he was before." Ombra gripped his hands as tightly as he could and snorted. The face of their enemy had finally been revealed.

"He's here…" As Taisho stared at Karkas, she felt her life flashing before her eyes. She had been through everything at this point but she still did not know what to expect.

"Winnowers… " Karkas commented, remaining as still as a statue. "Destroyers. Weapons. The pruners of overgrowth. Or so you seemed… "

"What's that supposed to mean?" Mystle lifted one of her eyebrows.

"As light exists, so too must darkness. As people garden plants, they also winnow them as well. As people live, others must die." Karkas sighed as he slumped his shoulders. "You, the winnowers of the Last Resort. The killers who maintain order. Do you not realise that you will be doing your duty for all eternity? Until your bodies finally crumble? "

"Don't you pull this junk on us," Lucifer grumbled. "We know how the cycle goes." The goat snorted. "You cannot achieve perfection. And you can't force it either."

"I do not seek perfection." Karkas lifted his palm. "I seek order. Control. Sublimation. Law. Rules. Uniformity. Perfection can only come about through order that is absolute and total. Something that the omniverse fails to accept." Then, Karkas pointed at the X-Squad and Valkyries. "Perfection is order. My perfect world will be one of order. Where the idea of chaos does not exist. That is what I strive for. And right now, you are the only thing standing between that dream."

"Sounds like totalitarianism to me. Dictatorship." Drakus huffed. "Just like all those other jerks throughout history."

"You wish to defy me? Then you will die trying..." Karkas said, as Khamsin Ziz turned into wings, Tsunami Leviathan turned into extra arms, and Earthquake Behemoth turned into extra legs, as they flew into Reaper, as he grabbed the edges of the theater mask that appeared on his face, and tore it off. The familiar sight of blood around his eyes, as if part of his skin had been torn off, only lasted for a short while before he erupted in brilliant blue flames. As they subsided, his body was revealed to have turned scaly, a sickly purple in color, his hands turned into claws, and his outfit became purple and jet black, with tinges of green, yellow and red, with a blue visor cloaking his eyes, as tendrils jutted out from his back, and magenta chains appeared on his torso, neck and head, and then, the True Cross shattered, splinters flying everywhere before reassembling to form truly massive wooden wings, an iron helm with an eagle motif flew onto Reaper's head, while the Shroud of Turin flowed towards him, engulfing his body and encasing it in bloodstained black and red armor covered in eagle motifs, the chest shaped to look like the face of a dragon. The cape from his discarded previous body attached itself to his shoulders, elongating to better match his new height.

"Heh, now this is the power of Karkas, it's extraordinary, badass even! I'm more than okay. I'm upgraded! I think a new name for myself is in order. Therefore, from this day forward, Reaper is dead, I am now Overtaker!" Reaper, now Overtaker, laughed, as he brought out his pistols, which turned into rifles resembling dragon skeletons. "And to celebrate my rebirth, I'll cash in every single living being in this world! And you're first!"

"Well shit," Kanade said finally.

"That was some twisted Pinocchio-Geppetto fuckery right there..." Drakus muttered.

"You know, when I got up this morning, it never occurred to me that we would have to fight a crime lord that would fuse with an eldritch dragon god and the husk of Jesus Christ," Chris said, unusually calm. "In hindsight, I probably should have, considering what our lives are like."

"Impossible! How can you use the Faust Robe?!" Tsubasa demanded, horrified.

"While Faust Robes are indeed intended for the use of lesbians, you forget, it belonged to Christ first," Overtaker said smugly. "And because it absorbed a fraction of Christ's power, that means it will obey me! Well, augmented by a dash of wizardry," he admitted.

He slammed his guns against the roof, cracking the hotel. "And because of the Shroud's ability to resist the special effects of other relics, I'm immune to the God-killing power of Gungnir… And with the True Cross, I can break your fragile relics for good! I am completely invincible! I am the new Demon Lord! I am the new Symbol of Evil! I am the new All For One! You can't stop me now!"

"Even so!" Drakus shouted, cutting him off mid-laugh. "We'll still fuck you up!"

"And if you're really so invincible… Then why do you still have that wound?" Serena asked.

"What? What do you mean-"

Overtaker glanced down and was astonished to see that his new armor was not completely covering his body. There was a hole on his left side, exposing the wound that had killed his new vessel 2000 years ago. "That… Why is that…"

Overtaker passed a glowing hand over the wound, which started to close…

Only for the new flesh to immediately turn necrotic and wither away. "What?!"

Akechi grinned. "Looks like the wound inflicted by Gungnir isn't so easy to get rid of, even with all your new power."

"Which means that just as Gungnir struck down Christ in the past…" Mystle started to say.

"It can do so again! Fuck yeah!" Chris exclaimed eagerly.

"Death death death!"

"Staaaaaaare."

Overtaker snarled, frustrated by his continued failures to heal himself. "It is no matter! This body is bolstered by the power of an outer god, and Hitler himself! And even without that monumental power boost…"

He grinned as a sinister aura formed around him, as he grew to the size of King Ghidorah. "That New World Maker was rewired to grant me more power than you can ever hope to achieve! The reign of Overtaker begins now!"

CRIME LORD TURNED ELDRITCH KING

OVERTAKER

"Well, allow us to retort." One of the geese said, as they begin to glow in red, and begin fist pumping until they merged into a giant four-headed goose robot, then the baby ducks began fist pumping, until they merged into a giant with a duck's head.

"Hey, we wanna help too!" Mystle said.

"Very well. Did you see what started our transformation?" Hyperduck said, solemnly looking ahead.

"Uh... fist pumping?" Kanade asked.

"Yes...You must fist pump!" Mega Goose said.

Roman experimentally fist pumped. "Like that?"

"No. Really fist pump! Fist pump with everything you got!" Hyperduck clarified, as the X-Squad and Valkyries began fist pumping chaotically. "Okay, dial it back..."

The X-Squad soon fist pumped perfectly, as the Argana Zords, Shugods, Ninjasaurs, Hive Zords, Arachno Zords, the Warner Bros water tower, Mega-Big-Voltron-imus-Prime-O, and the Megachurch combined with Mega Goose and Hyperduck, turning into a mech resembling a humanoid dragon in futuristic armor, with goose heads on the shoulders and a duck head on the chestplate, with the Symphogears having turned into various wings, hands, or armor.

Drakus activated the final key.

"PRESS!"

Much to his shock, the mech started growing several sizes to match Overtaker, before the key created a gray armor modeled after a mammoth, as the Progrisekey armor all appeared on the mech.

"Now this is a shock," Drakus admitted, "But I like this!"

"Ha ha! Now we're both gigantic! And for some reason, the place got turned into a Japanese mountainside..." Critic said, as the place was, indeed, turned into a mountainside in Japan. "But nevertheless, you're going down!"

"Now then, criminal scum, you face the might of the largest arm the law has!" Barinade yelled.

"I will not let you bring ruination." A Chinese dragon creature appeared and fused with Ultraguck, giving it a samurai appearance. A watery mist sprayed around it like a robe and it rained such clear water, it was like the raindrops were made from light. This was Morrigan. "I'm sorry about hiding this from you, Maurice. I knew one day I had to fulfill my destiny, and wanted to enjoy myself a bit until then. Be part of a journey. And a good journey we had. Know I care for all of you. You are the best friends a goddess like me could ask for."

"It's been an honor. But it's not goodbye. I know we will destroy this bitch." Maurice said back.

Another Chinese dragon-like creature fused with Ultraguck, but it had elements of a sauropod, and several plant elements. Darkness merged with the water robe, and around it, it started raining a blood-like substance and cherry blossom petals. "I have achieved my true form as the Darkness Bringer! This warrior will lay ruin to those that seek pointless destruction of life in the name of the gods of blood!" So said Nougat.

PEAK EMBODIMENT OF CHAOS

ULTRAGUCK ARGANA: PROGRISE-SYMPHOGEAR LORD

"This is impossible!" Overtaker shrieked. "I have the power of the Messiah and the Shroud of Turin! Why… Why do you fight me?!"

"Because you aren't the Messiah, and that power isn't yours, and neither is the Shroud!" Chris realized.

"Death!"

"Stare."

"It makes no difference!" Overtaker shouted. "You still cannot stop me! Or do you think that hugging me will banish Karkas from my body like Hibikii was able to exorcise Shem-Ha from Miku?! That won't work with me!"

"Ah. Good. We're in a robot, primed to fight a crime lord possessed by an eldritch god," Chris said serenely. "You know, I think I feel closer to enlightenment already today."

Hibikii was also clearly confused, but only showed it with a thin smile. "You know, Chapelle, you and people like you keep making the same mistake. Thinking that just because I'm strongest, that I have the power to kill gods, that I am the biggest threat. But you know, that's not necessarily true. Plenty of the others can do things I could never dream of doing. Things that make them just as capable of winning as my God-slaying power or ability to connect with others. Isn't that right, Miku?"

Miku shot her an infatuated smile, already seeing where she was going with this. "That's right, Hibikii."

Overtaker looked confused. "What are you talking about? The Shenshoujing's ability to destroy relics is of no use against me. It can destroy the True Cross, yes, but I've already told you, my armor is immune to the special effects of other relics!"

"That's right, it is," Miku confirmed. "But that's not all Shenshoujing can do. It can break curses and purify bad luck. And if it was able to purge the Curse of Balal from Hibikii and myself… What do you think it will do to an evil spirit like Karkas, possessing the body of another?"

Overtaker paled. "But… the armor-"

"You mean the armor with a big hole in it right over your biggest weak spot?" Mystle asked smugly.

"Well shit..."

"I said my sword was a tool of justice... Not used in anger. Not used for vengeance. But then again... This isn't actually my sword." Raiden said, as he lodged his sword into a control panel, as Ultraguck gained a blade covered in red flames that resembled Masamune.

"Holy crap, that was actually pretty smooth of them," Prelati admitted grudgingly. "And that speech… You sure you haven't been giving your kid lessons, Saint-Germain, because that's the sort of thing that got us to follow you to the gates of hell and back."

"That was a fun weekend," Cagliostro remembered fondly.

A tearful Saint-Germain sniffed, hugging a very confused E. Gadd to her chest. "No… It comes naturally! I'm so proud of her!"

"Me too!" Cagliostro squealed, squishing her breasts into E. Gadd's face.

"Please get off me, this is concerning..."

"Shit, shit, shit!" Overtaker shouted desperately. "You will not stop me! Not after I have come this far!"

"Yeah? Well, we're not giving you a choice in the matter," Kanade grinned, punching an open palm.

"Everyone, phonic gain has passed the minimum threshold, and with the squad's chaotic energy, the Deviltune has been achieved! You're good to go!" Aoi Tomosato said over their communicators.

"100 years ago, Hitler attempted to use heretical technology – including your own relics – to dominate the world!" Genjuro barked. "It's time to show his new vessel just what that power is really capable of! Unleash the songs of your hearts! Prove that you are indeed the saviors of the New Age! AND THAT BUDDHISM-"

"Genjuro, chill out!" Martin said sharply.

"Right, sorry, got carried away."

Hibikii joined hands with Miku and Chris. Serena took the hand of Carol, while her sister formed a chain with Laura, Kanade and Tsubasa. Kirika and Shirabe, far from being left out, held each other, as the X-Squad huddled close to each other, with those in a romantic relationship holding hands.

And then, they began to sing, as the squad sang along, Ultraguck's armor glowing brightly.

Overtaker was shocked, but soon started cackling. "You wanna dance? Okay, we'll dance!"