A/N: TRIGGER WARNING! Soulsborne creepy laughing ahead. Anyone who's had to talk to too many creepy NPCs, stop reading now.

The council president was quiet for a long time. Long enough that Maria wondered whether he was ignoring her or just wasn't in the mood for conversation. That was rude, but if he didn't wish to talk, he didn't wish to talk. Maria was about to let it pass and concentrate completely on her paperwork when the president finally said, "You and Katarina Claes were made for each other."

Maria blinked at the non-sequitur, looking up from her paperwork. The council president had an unreadable expression on her face, but a smile of some sort seemed to be part of it…? "Why do you say that, Lord President? I assure you, I have no intention of allowing her to draw me into her harem."

President Sirius closed his eyes a moment, massaging them through his eyelids. Poor man. He worked so hard, only to find more work a the end of it. Maria hoped he was getting enough sleep. "Because you're so similar."

Similar? They were nothing of the sort! Katarina Claes was a shrewd, cunning woman who used her power to satisfy her hedonistic appetites and insatiable lusts! "I would not say so, Lord President. I am at best a noble bastard. The only way we could have any similarity is if it were secretly Duke Claes who fathered me upon my mother." Which she suspected he had, but it was not her place to air such private matters.

Speaking of Lady Claes' appetites did not count. Everyone with eyes knew about that.

The council president's face twisted into something more readable: a bitter smile of remembrance that Maria knew quite well. She'd have seen it in a mirror if she owned such a thing, but Cainhurst had a strong taboo against vanity, one that Maria had carried with her when she had left. Why bother with your looks when it would simply be ruined by partaking of the blood? And in the end, the blood was more important.

"Yes, that happens," the council president said, giving a short, bitter laugh. "I used to know a boy like that, you know. He… he was a good kid. But he died. I miss him sometimes."

Maria reached out a briefly squeezed his hand. "I am sorry for your loss," she said, sincerely. "Was he… a relation?"

"Y-yes," the council president said, eyes seeming to stare into nothing before he pressed them shut. Maria politely looked away. "He… could have been my brother. He could have been. Acknowledged bastards are rare, but they do happen, and I would have liked to have a brother. But he was… sickly. He died when I was young. Sometimes I wish I'd known him better. It wasn't his fault father couldn't' keep it in his pants, after all." He let out another low, unamused laugh, as if taking some sort of dark amusement in the situation would help put it into perspective. There was the sound as of someone shaking their head, and then a wiping sound. When Maria looked back, his eyes were clear, his expression wan. "May I ask a personal question?"

"You may," Maria said. It was the least she could do after that intimacy.

"Why are you so against the notion of being, ah, 'inducted' into Lady Claes' harem?" the council president said. "Even if you're not into women, there would be some advantage to having her patronage. And while it doesn't seem like it, she doesn't spend as much time of debauchery as one would think." He leaned forward. "Her harem is often quite frustrated at the lack of debauchery, more often than not."

Maria blinked. "Lord President," Maria said suspiciously, "are you one of them?"

"No, no," the council president said, and actually laughed more cheerfully this time. "I have no desire to be roped into it either. Fortunately for me, she doesn't seem to want me for my looks and my tea does not seem to be so sought after as to push her towards recruitment. I was just curious, as one person on the outside to another."

Maria tilted her head, considering. "Well, as long as you swear will not pass it around…"

"Your confidence will be as safe as mine with you," the council president said.

Maria nodded. "I have circumstantial evidence that leads me to suspect Lady Claes might be my half-sibling." The council president gave her a wide-eyed, astonished look. "There is nothing definite, but still… While her own father's inability to keep it in his pants is no fault of hers, her inability to do so is," Maria said. "As much as she and Lord Claes might enjoy it, I have no wish to copulate with a relation."

"I… see…" the council president said weakly. "Yes, I suppose that would be understandable. At least you and your mother were spared his wife's wrath."

Maria nodded. Given this would be the woman who'd given birth to Katarina Claes, she would have been able to utterly destroy Maria and her mother without even leaving the comfort of her own home, using only a word.

Then again, this was the woman who'd given birth to Katarina Claes. It was possible she knew of Maria's mother very well. Possibly intimately so. It would not surprise her.

"Was it a hard life?" the council president asked. "For the two of you?"

Maria considered. For Maria Campbell, that little town, of the whispers of adults and the jeering, taunting children, was the only home she'd ever known. But she was also Maria of Cainhurst, who'd left the only home she'd ever known to see more of the world, so that it would be bigger than just the walls of the castle. She had been a noble, a runaway, a student, an apprentice, a hunter and a monster. "All living is hard," she said contemplatively. "Humans merely find different ways to make it hard for themselves. I had my mother, we had our house, and though we would sometimes go hungry, it wasn't often, and there was always work to be found to earn food. It was not the best, but it was not the worst either."

"Not so bad you feel inclined to take Lady Katarina up on her offer?" the council president asked with a small smile.

Despite herself, Maria laughed. "No, not as bad as that at all. I'm a bastard, not a whore."

"But you've just proven my point," the council president said teasingly. "Didn't you just say the only way you and Lady Katarina could have any similarity was if Duke Claes fathered both of you?"

Maria blinked. "That is circumstantial evidence," she protested. "We are still nothing alike!"

"I wouldn't say that," the council president said. "For all that you claim that Katarina Claes is a shrewd cunning and manipulator, you are a very shrewd and cunning person yourself, Maria Campbell. I think you would be more than a match for Katarina Claes. Especially since you're very good at not making people think you are. Not everything about Katarina Claes is horrible. Being compared to her… isn't all bad," he finished with a chuckle.

Maria peered at him intently. "Are you sure you're not one of them, Lord President?"

He smiled. "I swear. I'd even go one to say I'm the farthest thing from one of them. And please, call me Sirius. I don't know why people think being in the student council is an honor. It's just a means of finding capable people to overwork! The title of Lord President is a joke. Might as well call me Head Clerk. At least it's more honest."

"Very well then, Lord Head Clerk," Maria said, and Sirius groaned.

"See? Maria is very cunning and shrewd."

…

A week later, Katarina Claes fell into a sleep from which she would not wake.