-Chapter 49-
Come Into My Parlor
Mario and Luigi had arrived at the entrance to the cave. A massive yellow signpost pointing to it, reading "DANGER!" was planted nearby, and the entrance was dotted with old cobwebs.
"Gee... it's kinda dark," Mario mused. "Good thing I brought a light."
He popped out his take on the All-Purpose Portable Plumber's Helper, pressing a button to bring out a small penlight before turning to Luigi.
"You ready for this, Lu?"
Luigi nodded, grunting affirmatively.
"Then let's do this!"
With that, they ventured into the caves.
Spider Caves
Deep in the Spider Caves of the Easton Kingdom, in the deepest, foulest pit, where the only light source is the luminescent stones growing from the cavern walls, lies the Great Web. Here, the Arachnos and their Tarantulunger companions keep their many captives suspended in the near absolute dark, with no other company but their guards and fellow prisoners. There, they remain until the sweet release of Game Over takes them, whether through starvation and despair or - more often than not - the spider creatures decide to grant it themselves. Until then, all they can do is sit there, screaming for help that will go unanswered.
"Mmph! Mmmpph! MMMMPH!"
Because nobody will be able to hear them through their webbing gags, as Princess Daisy was learning the hard way.
"For the record, it's nothing personal, people," said an Arachnos sentinel keeping watch. "Everyone needs to eat to survive. We can't help what we are."
This brought little comfort to the captives, many having abandoned all hope and just hung there listlessly. Daisy, on the other hand, continued to thrash and tug at her wrappings, shouting all manner of muffled obscenities at the arachnoids.
"Okay, all that 'Mmph-mmphing' is getting on my nerves. Clive, ungag her."
"Righto, Malcolm!"
Another Arachnos - named Clive, apparently - scurried along the web toward Daisy, then sliced off the web that was keeping her mouth shut with one of his legs.
"There ya go! You were sayin'?"
Daisy gasped, then glared at her captors. "I said, you webheads are gonna be sorry when Mario and Luigi get here! You hear me!? And even if they don't get here in time and you do eat me, I hope I give you freaks the atomic runs!"
"Heh! I can believe that," the first Arachnos - Malcolm - replied, eliciting a chorus of laughs from his companions and a huffy growl from Daisy.
"Ugh… you guys are so dead!" Daisy shouted.
"Promises, my ducky," Malcolm replied smugly. "Promises an' nothin' more."
Daisy raised an eyebrow. "Ducky?
"Cuz yer a dead duck! Oof!"
"Shut it, Clive," Malcolm snapped, shaking his leg after jabbing his partner with it. "But, he ain't wrong. It's gonna take a lot more than a pair o' Krimbo-colored blokes in overalls to take down the almighty Arachnos Tribe! 'Specially when the Boss sinks her fangs into 'em."
"Then I hope she has a good dentist."
"Oh, drop the final act of defiance schtick, ya flowery, lil' tart waffle! It won't do ya no good. Anyone who gets dragged down these caves never comes out! That's how it's been since we first claimed 'em, and that's how it's gonna for...!"
"Crisis! Crisis!"
The two Arachnos turned to see a third one scurrying in.
"Oh, hey, Marty. What's up?" Clive greeted.
"It's a crisis! One of the prisoners has escaped!"
"Escaped!?" Malcolm shrieked. "How!?"
"I dunno! One minute, she was hangin' from 'er web all nice an' quiet-like; the next, POOF! She flew the coop!"
"Well, don't just stand there, ya bloomin' idjit! Get out there an' find her!"
"Yes, sir! Finding! Finding!"
With that, Marty scurried off, whispering all manner of horrible scenarios that awaited him should he fail.
"Nobody ever comes out, huh?" Daisy asked with a smirk. "Well, looks like someone broke your record, buggy."
Malcolm growled. "Oh shut it!" He turned away and then took a deep breath. "Alright, calm down. Lil' blighter's still gotta get outta the caves first. An' as long as the Boss is on patrol, that ain't happin'."
-X-
Meanwhile…
"Daisy! Oh, Daisy!" Luigi called out.
"Shhhh! Quiet!" Mario whispered. "You wanna let the bugs know we're here?"
"Right, sorry," Luigi replied, clamping his hands over his mouth.
Keeping his voice low, Mario smirked. "So... you were never this brave before we met Daisy. What changed?"
"She's Peach's sister. Yeah, I'm scared stupid and feel like I'm about to pee my pants... but I'm not just gonna sit back and let someone get eaten by giant spiders."
"That, and she's your girlfriend."
"She's not my girlfriend!"
"Sure, bro. Whatever you say," Mario said with a cheeky grin. "Oh, there she is!"
"What?! Where?!" Luigi ran ahead, looking around frantically for any sign of Daisy, not realizing he was being pranked until he heard Mario's muffled chuckling. "Oh, ha-haaa, very funny."
"I thought so."
Luigi sighed, deciding to change the subject. "Bro... did we do the right thing? Sending Mips to Chai alone? I mean, Sebas and Daisy said it's full of scary zombies and monsters. MP's never been a fan of horror or dead things."
"She's not," Mario replied worriedly. "But, she also won't be alone, the Professor is with her, and Bowser's on his way. I may not care for Bowser, but he cares for her. He'll keep her safe."
"And Professor E. Gadd?"
"Ehhhhh…" Mario shook his head. "A-Anyway, the point is, as bad as monsters are for her, spiders are even worse."
"Oh yeah," Luigi conceded. "Remember when she found one in her shoe? She screamed so loud, she cracked the display on the stove clock."
"KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
"Yeah, just like that!" Luigi remarked, only to realize that it was an actual woman screaming. "Wait…"
"No! Stop! Get away!"
"Th-That wasn't Daisy's voice…" Mario said, only to perk up in shock. "They have other people in here, too!?"
Luigi immediately brandished the Anti-Creep Stick. "C'mon!"
-X-
Meanwhile...
In another part of the caves, a girl was fending off a small horde of advancing Arachnos and Tarantulungers. The spider creatures all had eight of their eyes on her, their fangs dripping with venom… and hunger.
"Nowhere to run, girly," one of the arachnoids chuckled darkly, licking their lips.
"Get back! Don't you touch me, you...you eight-legged freaks!" the girl shouted, kicking away the advancing monster.
"Oooooh! This one's feisty!" the spider shouted.
"That means she's got lotsa flavor!" shouted another. "String 'er up and send 'er back to the webs!"
The Arachnos laughed menacingly as they continued their advance with renewed vigor, the girl unable to do anything save whimper in fear.
Just then, a loud whistle pierced through the darkness. All eyes turned to see the Mario Bros. standing behind them. Luigi was leaning on the Anti-Creep Stick while Mario was cracking his knuckles.
"Y'know, eating out is great and all, but in a dank, spooky cave?" Mario began. "I mean, it just goes to show you really don't know how to treat a woman for dinner."
"Wot? Who da hell are you?!"
"Take a hike, mustaches!"
"This don't concern you!"
"We're making it our concern, creeps! Now let her go!" Luigi ordered.
The arachnoids were neither impressed nor intimidated. "Why don't you make us!?"
"Challenge accepted," Mario replied, also unimpressed and unintimidated.
"Challenge starting!" the group's leader growled. "Arachnos, attack!"
With that, the Arachnos charged. As one jumped at Luigi, he reeled back with the Anti-Creep Stick before swinging with all his might. A loud metallic impact reached their ears as the bat hit the eight-legged freak in the gut before launching him back and through the cave wall, leaving a large, spider-shaped hole.
The Arachnos looked at the resulting hole in the wall, then back at Luigi.
"Anyone else?" the green brother asked, spinning the Anti-Creep Stick before letting it rest on his shoulder. And, after a moment of careful consideration, the Arachnos gave their concise, eloquent response…
"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
"Run fer yer loife!"
"Crazy, man! Crazy!
"I want me mummy!"
…before they all hurriedly made for the nearest egress.
"So... it wasn't just a baseball bat," Luigi mused. "Huh."
"Gonna have to use that on Tatanga," Mario replied.
With the spiders chased off, Mario approached the girl, offering her a hand up. "Are you hurt?"
"No... I'm alright." The girl took Mario's offered hand, letting him help her stand and letting the Bros. get a good look at her. She had long black hair and blue eyes, covered in smudges of dirt, and donned in an old animal-print one-piece that was dirty and faded. "Thank you both so much! I thought I was done for…"
"So did we," Luigi replied.
"Obvious question, but what are you even doing here? Did those spider things capture you?" Mario asked.
The girl nodded. "Yes... myself and many others. The Moe-Eyes are inedible, so the spider creatures take any opportunities for fresh meat they can find in Easton."
"Do you know if anyone was brought in recently? A brown-haired woman dressed in yellow and orange?"
The girl shook her head sadly. "I don't know. They keep us all in different parts of the caves. Although...I overheard some of the guards mention something about them finding a 'princess' when I escaped."
Luigi gasped. "Daisy…"
"Please!" the girl pleaded, suddenly clinging to Mario. "If you're here to save her, then save us all from these awful beasts!"
"Hey, hey..." Mario soothed. "Don't worry, everything's gonna be fine. I'm Mario. This is my brother Luigi. And your name is...?"
"Sue," she answered before hugging Mario. "Thank you again for saving me. You're my new hero!"
"It's what we do."
"Sue, do you remember the way back to spider-guys'...errr, dungeons?" Mario asked.
Sue nodded. "Yes, I know enough of the layout to get you there."
"A-Are you sure?" Luigi asked. "You said you just escaped, so..."
"I know, but I can't just leave all those other poor souls to die."
"...alright," Mario replied. "Lead the way."
"Oh, thank you! Thank you both so much!"
With their new companion leading the way, the Mario Bros. resumed their treacherous journey through the Spider Caves… neither of them noticing the very spiders they'd chased away watching them from the shadows.
"Whew!" one of them let out. "That was close."
"No kidding," another chimed in. "That bat the green man had was crazy."
"Boss didn't mention anythin' 'bout dat."
"Well, don' mattah. It's all over fer those mustaches. Pretty soon, the Boss'll 'ave 'em both wrapped up, trapped up, and drained of all their juices."
"And that Tatanga blighter'll have us livin' on Easy Street!"
"Booyah!"
"Wot about the girl?" a stupider-looking Arachnos asked, earning him annoyed looks from his companions. "Wot?"
"C'mon, let's get goin'."
"Yeh, got an escapee to unescape."
Meanwhile, Daisy was still struggling, trying to get out of the webs.
"Come. On! Break already! You. Stupid. Spider...RRRRRGH!"
She strained and pulled against her bindings with all her might, but all she succeeded in doing was tiring herself out, forcing her to take a moment to catch her breath. It was going to take a miracle to get out of the caves.
"That's not gonna work."
Daisy looked up and to the side and saw a small figure in a ragged cloak sitting on the edge of the webbing. Most of her features were completely concealed by her cloak, but Daisy could tell she was a young girl, likely no older than MP if her height and the tone of her voice were any indication.
"That stuff's harder than steel," the girl continued, her voice dull and deadpan. "You can't just snap it."
"You… Are you the one who escaped?" Daisy asked. "The one the Arachnos are after?"
"No, that was a different girl. Her name was 'Noh.' Last name, 'Doi.'"
Daisy narrowed her eyes. "Ha-ha… I don't suppose you're here to help get me down from here?"
"Actually, that's exactly why I'm here," she replied, rustling through the folds of her cloak. "It'd be bad if you were to end up as spider chow, so I need to make sure that does not come to…Ah! Here it is."
Daisy watched as the girl pulled something out of her cloak, expecting some kind of knife or a blowtorch to cut or burn her free. Instead, she pulled out… something else.
"I-Is that hand lotion?" the princess let out as she stared dumbfounded at the bottle of 'Smoothy-Silky Rejuvenating Cream.'
"Yep," the girl replied, squeezing a generous amount into her black-gloved (or was it really dark purple?) hand.
"How the heck is that going to get rid of this spider web!?"
"If you'd stop screaming like a little bitch, you'll see."
Daisy sputtered, insulted, before sighing. The girl rubbed her hands together, coating both hands in the lotion.
"Alright, behold the wonders of science," she deadpanned as she began vigorously rubbing the lotion into the webs. Almost instantly, Daisy could feel them beginning to loosen up, the stickiness disappearing completely.
"Holy Grambi… it's working!" she cried out. "I can't believe it's actually…"
SNAP!
"Uh-ooooaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAHH!"
"Whoops… rubbed too fast," the hooded girl replied as she watched Daisy plummet to the ground with a THUD!
"Owwww…"
The girl leaped down from the webs, landing on her feet a few feet from Daisy, who was leaning over in pain as she rubbed her backside.
"You okay over there?" the girl asked.
"I think I got a rock up my butt…" Daisy moaned.
"With how big it is, I can see it."
"HEY! What's that supposed to…!?"
"You sure you wanna shout like that in the middle of a man-eating spider-infested cave?" the girl asked.
Daisy stiffened, immediately quieting down.
"I didn't think so. Now c'mon. Let's get the hell outta here."
The girl turned to go, only for Daisy to make for the other webs.
"Ummm... the exit is this way," the girl said, pointing toward where she was going.
"But the other prisoners are this way," Daisy replied, pointing in the other direction. "I still gotta get them out of here."
"Seriously? You do know those bug-freaks will show up and gobble you all up any minute now, right?"
Daisy shook her head. "Doesn't matter. I'm the Princess of Sarasaland, and it's my job to protect its people…" She looked away, her fists clenching. "Something I haven't been doing a very good job at for a while."
The girl watched for a moment before letting out a sigh.
"Ehhh… whatever, I'm not your mom." She threw Daisy the bottle of lotion, which she caught. "Rub this into the web thoroughly. Try to make it last. If anyone asks, you never met me."
"Wait, you're not gonna stay and help!?" Daisy demanded.
"Oh frick no! I did my good deed for the day. You wanna get eaten, fine, but I'm not sticking around to get om-nommed by Queen Paida." She gave a two-finger salute. "See ya later, Princess."
And with that, the girl took off as Daisy stood there, looking at all the webs and prisoners remaining.
"Whoa…" she shook her head. "Focus, Daisy. You've got work to do."
Sue led Mario and Luigi down the caves. She walked by Mario's side, smiling flirtatiously.
"Sooooo… Mario, was it?"
"Yeah, that's my name."
"How does a man like you wind up in a place like this?"
"Well, it all started with us coming with Princess Peach to visit Daisy, her sister. Then Tatanga showed up, and all hell broke loose."
"Oh my!" Sue exclaimed. "That sounds awful!"
Mario nodded. "We're trying to save her so we can catch up with our sister in the Chai Kingdom."
"Well, aren't you so big and strong and heroic?" she leaned in close, grabbing Mario by the arm. "I like that in a man."
Mario looked right at Sue and her big, dreamy-eyed gaze. Her lips curled up in a big, inviting grin as her eyebrows waggled up and down repeatedly. The kind of waggling you'd see in old cartoons when female characters were being… "friendly." You could almost hear the dulcet sounds of saxophones playing in the background.
"Sue?" Mario asked.
"Yes, Mario?" Sue replied.
"I'm sorry, but could you give me some space? You're starting to make my arm hurt."
…followed by a loud record scratch.
"Oh! Uhhhh... alright."
And Sue did just that.
"Thank you."
"Of course…"
Sue smiled awkwardly as she continued leading the Bros. along, her cheeks puffed up in a pout.
"Darn!" she whispered. "That usually works."
Then, she peeked over her shoulder and remembered that she was with the Mario Bros.
"Luigi…" Sue called out coquettishly, making sure her hips were swiveling as she walked.
"Huh?" Luigi perked. "Are we there? Have you spotted Daisy yet?"
Sue shook her head, making sure to fling her hair about alluringly. "No, not yet."
"Darn it!" Luigi cursed. "She's gotta be here somewhere!"
Sue looked back to the front, scowling as she scratched her chin in thought. Just then, an idea popped into her head, prompting her to grin with malicious glee. After making sure the Bros. weren't looking, she brushed her leg against a nearby rock…
"Kyaaaaah!" she shouted, flailing her arms about as she 'desperately' tried to regain her balance. "Ohno, I'm faaaaaaaalliiiiiiing!"
Sue leaned forward, making sure she would fall face-first to provide the Bros. with the perfect view. After all, no man would stand by and let a poor, defenseless girl ruin her pretty face! As expected, Mario dashed forward and caught her just before she could hit the ground. Their eyes met once again, and Sue's face turned red as steam billowed from her ears.
"Are you okay?" Mario asked.
"Oh! M-Mario!" Sue finally replied. "Thank you so much! I-I must have tripped over a rock or something."
"Can you stand?"
"I…I think so," Sue slowly set her foot down on the ground. She was tempted to wince in pain to earn some more sympathy but ultimately decided against it (let him have that victory). "Yes, I'm alright. You caught me just in time!"
"Okay, good," Mario replied plainly, happily, but plainly.
"Guh…?"
"Try to be more careful; these caves are dark."
"Y-Yes… o-of course," Sue replied, outwardly calm, but on the inside…
"Dammit! Why aren't these bozos fawning over me!? I'm a poor, helpless, scantily-clad girl in a monster-infested cave! Men are supposed to swoon and bend over backward over me!"
"Here, why don't I take the lead for a bit?" Mario offered.
"Hm?"
"Luigi, could you look after Sue for me?"
"Hmmm… time for Plan B."
"A-Actually, Mario…" Sue piped up. "I think Luigi should be the one to lead the way. After all, he managed to send that entire group of icky spiders running for their lives with just one swing of his mighty bat!" She leaned against Luigi. "Even though he doesn't look like it, he's so brave and strong and manly!"
"M-Me?"
"Luigi?"
"Perfect!" Sue thought. "Now, red bozo's gonna get jealous over his green bozo brother and clobber him! Then, while they're busy dealing with each other, I'll…"
"That's not a bad idea!" Mario said.
"Eh!?" Sue let out.
"Yeah, you've got the doc's bat, and this would be your big moment to prove yourself to Daisy. She'll be absolutely smitten when she sees all you've done for her."
"Y-You really think so!?" Luigi asked excitedly.
"Of course!"
"Y-Yes!" Sue chimed in. "That's a wonderful idea!"
"Oh come on!"
"C'mon, Lu! Let's-a go!"
"Okay!"
Sue watched as the brothers ran off into the darkness, growling in frustration the entire time.
"Crap! I can't believe those two completely resisted my feminine charms!" She let out a sigh. "Oh well… looks like we'll have to do this the old-fashioned way."
She smiled wickedly, revealing a pair of sharp fangs.
-X-
Back in the prisoner hold, Daisy had just finished freeing another batch of prisoners.
"There!" she let out as the prisoner fell free. "Another web down!"
"Thank you so much, Your Highness!" the man replied gratefully. "We thought we were goners for sure!"
"Don't worry about it, just head for the exit and get as far away as you can. I need to finish up here."
The prisoner nodded and proceeded to lead a group down one of the caves.
"Alright, time for the next one," Daisy said as she made her way to the next web. "I hope the guys and MP are okay. I could really use their help right now."
"Mamma Mia... that's a deep hole."
"Yeah..."
"Huh?" Daisy walked out a bit, then looked up. At the very top of the rim were a trio of figures.
"Maybe we should throw something down there to see how deep it is?" one of them - a woman - offered.
Daisy squinted. She couldn't make out too many details, but two of the figures were distinctly red and green.
"Ooh yeah! Like in the cartoons!"
"Luigi, that doesn't work, not even in the cartoons."
At that, Daisy grinned. "It is! LUIGI! MARIO!"
"Ah! Daisy!" Luigi cried out.
"Are you alright!?" Mario called out.
"Yeah, I'm fine! The spiders had me tied up with a whole bunch of people, but I... managed to get most of us free! What happened to you guys?"
"We'll tell you later!" Luigi called down. "Right now, we gotta get out of here!"
"Hang on! I still gotta free the other prisoners!" Daisy squeezed the bottle of lotion, only to be met with a loud, sputtering noise and a short burst of air. "Huh!?" She squeezed again, trying to get more lotion out, but all she got was a tiny dollop no bigger than a fingernail. "Oh no, no, no, no, no! Come on! I can't be out already!" It was then that she remembered the third figure. "Of course! MP!" she shouted. "I need you to pull some hand lotion out of your bag!"
"Errrrr… Daisy…" Mario began. "MP isn't here."
"What!?" Daisy shouted in disbelief.
"Yeah…" Luigi picked up sheepishly. "She's got a…thing about spiders, so she went ahead to the Chai Kingdom to rendezvous with Bowser."
"Dagnabbit! Of all the...!" Daisy took a breath to compose herself. "Guys, I need something that can loosen all this webbing! There are still three webs of prisoners down here! We gotta get them free before Queen Paida shows up!"
"Well, I may have some pipe grease," Mario offered.
"Hold on..." Luigi perked. "Queen Paida?"
"The ruler of the spider freaks! Sue Paida!"
Upon hearing the queen's name, Mario and Luigi froze.
"Sue?"
"Paida?".
"Guys…" Daisy began worriedly. "Who is that with you?"
"Ohhhhhh...noohohooooo..." Luigi let out.
Sue grinned, bearing her fangs. "Ohhhhh... yehehesssss..."
She promptly shoved the brothers into the pit, screaming all the way down before landing on their backs in one of the webs. It bounced and jiggled up and down for a bit before finally settling down.
"Whoa!" Daisy cried. "Guys! Are you okay!?"
"Ohhhhh..." Mario groaned. "Mama Mia, I'd forgotten how much I hated those bungee drop rides at the carnival."
"Stop the world…" Luigi moaned. "I wanna get off."
A haughty chuckle reached their ears before Sue jumped into the pit, doing a midair flip and landing on the webbing with the grace of an acrobat. "Finally!"
"Sue…" Daisy spat.
"Sue..." Luigi managed. "You're..."
"That's right! Sue Paida! Queen of the Arachnos! And in case you haven't figured it out by now... " As they watched, she shifted into a form resembling the Arachnos, with a yellow and black striped body and six arms, but with a human-like head and anthropomorphic body. "This is a trap."
"Why would you do this?!" Mario demanded.
Sue scowled, baring her fangs. "Why?! WHY?! I'll tell you why! For too long, we Arachnos and Tarantulungers have been cast aside, forced into hiding by the 'good people' of Sarasaland, especially with Princess Daisy in charge! And why?! Because we're 'icky' and 'gross' by your Shroomer standards of beauty!"
"And you eating people surely has nothing to do with it," Daisy said flatly.
"Quiet!" Sue's fists clenched. "You push us over the edge, shove us into situations that drive us to use force and violence, and have the gall to call us evil for it! You seek to punish and judge us for what you have driven us to! But no more. NO MORE. General Tatanga has provided the means to uplift us. To allow us to see and feel the sun again. All we have to do... is end your games. So just relax. It will only hurt for a second."
As Sue reached the web, she took a deep breath, hocking and gagging before unleashing a stream of greenish-purple venom down the stands of the web, heading straight for the Bros.
"No!" Luigi cried, squirming frantically. "I'm too young and good-looking to die this way!"
"If we survive this, I'm asking E. Gadd for Spider Web Shears!" Mario declared.
As they braced themselves for the end, everyone perked, hearing thunderous footsteps.
"Eh…" The spider queen perked. "What on Mushroom Earth is that noise?"
At that moment, a nearby wall exploded as numerous Moe-Eyes burst in, all armed with what appeared to be weaponized beach stuff.
"OH YEAH! The cavalry has arrived, maaaaan!"
"Trompal!?" Mario, Luigi, and Daisy cried out.
"Oh great," Sue groused. "The rockheads are here."
"That's right!" Keanu shouted.
"It's go time!" Alex chimed in.
"Just hang on there, Mario dudes! We'll save you!" Trompal declared. "Moe-Eyes! Let's squash some bugs!"
"GNAAAAAAAAAARLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"
The Moe-Eyes all leaped into the fray, weapons raised and ready for war. For a split second, they looked all tough and badass. A mighty wave of stone ready to crash down upon Sue… before they plummeted into the pit, getting stuck in the web. If nothing else, their bodies blocked Sue's venomous drool from reaching the Bros., dispersing it harmlessly.
"Uhhhhhhh… Raaaaaaah?" Trompal let out in a failed attempt to be intimidating.
"Our heroes…" Mario deadpanned.
"Right," Trompal chuckled awkwardly. "I'll be the first to admit… This did not go according to plan. I'll also be the first to admit that that plan was written in crayon."
"We're gonna die," Luigi uttered resignedly.
"Yes, you are," Sue replied. Just then, she leaped into the air, landing, arms spread out and fangs bared, landing right next to Luigi. "I think I'll start with you, Mr. Green Stache." She licked her lips eagerly. "Prepare to have your insides dissolved, liquefied, and drunk!"
She leaned back and opened her mouth wide before bringing her head down in preparation to bite down Luigi's neck, injecting the deadly venom and enzymes into his system to inflict the grisly fate she had described. Luigi could only scream and cry in terror, drowning out all other sounds from Mario, the Moe-Eyes, and the remaining prisoners. All sounds, save one…
"WAAAAAAIT!"
Suddenly, Sue stopped, her mouth mere inches away from Luigi's throat. She looked to the side, toward the source of the sound, looking her dead in the eye.
"You don't have to do this, Sue!" Daisy cried.
Sue raised an eyebrow. "Oh really? And why, may I ask, is that?"
"Because all you're doing is proving everyone right about your people!" Daisy shot back. "Everyone says you're man-eating monsters, and that's exactly what you're doing! But... you don't have to."
"And what choice do we have!?" Sue snapped. "Nothing but spiders live in these caves! And nothing grows here! The only way we can survive is to take whatever meat strays too close to our lairs!"
"W-well... uh..." Daisy perked, snapping her fingers. "Oh! Trompal!"
"Huh?" the Moe-Eye king replied.
"You can negotiate with Trompal! He's the ruler of these lands, so... you could work out something to give you guys fertile land outside of the cave! You can grow your own food or raise animals! That way, you don't have to eat people, problem solved!"
"Yeah, dude, we can totally do that no problemo, man!" Trompal replied enthusiastically. "What do we want with all that stupid grass, anyway? It's no fun for beach parties, and it stains everything."
"See?" Daisy continued. "And if you do this, you can prove you're not monsters, improve relations. Maybe break the stigma on your people."
Sue paused, mulling over Daisy's words.
"...Even if you're right and we could finally be accepted… it wouldn't matter," she replied. "General Tatanga… He does not take kindly to traitors."
"He's going down," Daisy swore. "We've shut down his operations time and time again. Plus... and I'm loathe to admit it… we have Bowser coming to... help… With him and the Mario brothers working together, Tatanga will be defeated, and things in Sarasaland will change. I promise."
Sue mulls over Daisy's words. She moved like she was about to kill Luigi anyway… only to cut him loose. He fell to the ground with a grunt.
"You know... I heard you were nothing more than a battle junkie," Sue gave Daisy a small smile. "I'm glad to see you're more than that."
"...I certainly hope so."
"Awww man... this is so totally righteous, brah..." Trompal sniffled. "Does anyone have a tissue?"
-X-
Easton - Outside the Spider Caves
Sometime later, the last of the prisoners were cut free and sent on their way. As the Moe-Eyes helped entertain their new guests and Trompal got to work preparing the negotiations, Daisy was having one last meeting with Sue.
"Trompal's drawing up a deed for the grasslands," she explained. "It may be on the back of a fry basket paper, but it'll be legit."
"For your sake, it had better be," Sue replied grimly. "I'm taking a big risk doing this, and not just because of that big, purple prune."
Daisy nodded. "I know, and thank you. It will be worth it, I promise."
"Just make sure to put some of that battle junkie energy right in Tatanga's face." She let out an… almost mournful sigh. "And... make sure whoever succeeds you knows doesn't go back on your word."
Daisy paused upon hearing that. "Suc...ceeds me?"
Sue turned toward Daisy, giving her a serious look as she leaned in close.
"You said so yourself. Bowser's there," she whispered. "And when he learns what you did…" She let out a low, menacing hiss, causing Daisy to swallow hard.
"I... will cross that bridge when I get to it."
"DAISYYYYY!"
Daisy nearly jumped as she turned toward another part of the caves, where Mario and Luigi were waiting.
"You done yet? We gotta get going!" Luigi called out.
"Be right there!" Daisy called out.
"Good luck," Sue told her. "You're going to need it."
"Yeah… thanks…" With that, Daisy went to regroup with her friends.
"Sorry about that, had to take care of some last-minute details."
"Everything good?" Luigi asked.
Daisy nodded. "Yeah, just... surprised, I guess. I've never really had a good head for this tact and diplomacy thing. Honestly, I'm surprised it went even a little well."
"You listened, and you worked on a solution," Mario replied. "And you didn't just go in yelling at and socking people in the face."
"Heh…yeah... guess I did."
"Told you you were a good princess," Luigi reassured, playfully nudging her.
"Heh... I guess I am." Daisy looked away, adding under her breath, "For however much longer I'll be one."
"Eh?"
"Nothing!" she quickly let out before clearing her throat. "Anyway, we should get going! Got a long ways to go to get to the Chai Kingdom!"
"Right!" Mario concurred. "Mips is waiting for us!"
Mario motioned forward as they took off. Daisy had a slow start, fearing what Mario and Luigi would learn when they got there.
"Peach... I really hope you wake up soon. I'd... I'd like to talk to you one last time."
Meanwhile…
On the outskirts of Easton, the girl who broke Daisy out leaned casually on a purple-and-black motorcycle, the words "Mach Bike" emblazoned on the chassis in big letters, chatting on a cell phone.
"Yeah, so… Easton was a bust. No treasure, just a bunch of man-eating spiders and braindead beach rocks," she reported, pausing to allow the one she was speaking to to talk. "Yeah, a giant waste of time, and I lost the Rejuvenating Cream getting loose."
She grimaced, massaging her temples.
"No big loss. I'll just move on to the next place, see what goodies we can snag."
She nodded, listening carefully.
"Yeah… uh-huh… okay… cool, okay. See ya later, bro. Tell Wally I said hey."
With that, she hung up with a sigh. "So much for the 'Lost Treasure of Arachnopolis…' fat, blonde, sunnuva… Ah well… no use crying over it." She hopped on her bike, revving it up before driving off. "After all, we're not gonna get our own castle just sitting around with our thumbs up our noses."
Author's Note:
Yes. E. Gadd's Anti-Creep Stick was the Home-Run Bat all along. As for who that mystery girl who escaped is, that will be revealed in due time.
Tune in next time for the third and final Interlude of Evil, in which MP and E. Gadd brave the horrors of the Chai Kingdom while waiting on the Koopa Troop.
Voice cast for this chapter:
* Malcolm - Malcolm McDowell (Mad Mod in Teen Titans, Dr. Calico in Bolt, Metallo in the DCAU, Samuel Loomis in Rob Zombie's Halloween duology)
Please R&R. Until next time!