MAINE

"Life is too short to be slow."

The domestic feeder unit was blaring another ad for Speed by MrWhitey, but I wasn't really listening. Hadn't been, not for a while, not since the kids left. Only us old timers now, and Sasha. The conversation had left a bad feeling in my gut. One that wouldn't go away, no matter how hard I tried to ignore it. Dorio noticed, had gone out for some grub, but I wasn't feelin' the scopburgers she'd come back with either.

I thought I had been past this drek. Past being trapped in the Wars. Past thinking of little corpses. Either by my hand, or of those that I had been supposed to protect. That's what a leader did, didn't they? Protect their squad? Their crew? Army-doc had said it was supposed to get easier, but it never had. How could anyone get used to kids they were supposed to take care of just dyin?

Capt had said that was the price of command. Didn't get that either. Sasha had barely made it, and it was only because of the kid she called Kohai. Motoko.

Was it my fault? Could I have done better?

The question bounced around in my dome something fierce. And I couldn't come up with an answer. Everyone deserved their fair share. What the damn hell had I been thinking? I still wasn't sure. To think that kid had gotten the better of me was hard to accept. I was better than this. There was still so much more road to go. But there wasn't exactly any chrome I could chip to solve the problem either. And I couldn't let it show that it was pissing me the hell of neither.

Pilar had finished fucking around a while ago, and was chilling down here with us now, a cold compress on his own noggin. It was hard enough that he'd be fine, probably. He barely used the thing anyhow. Didn't stop him from helping us kill a bottle of ROMVLVS. Sasha had turned in, said she was gonna get some shut-eye. And that was probably for the best, because she'd been hurt. Was still hurt, and pretty bad.

And it still filled me with a sense of anger and helplessness when I saw her stumble out, nearly ripped to shreds. Could I have done more? Got better intel? Chilled with her more, to learn that it was personal? Had a ripper or hell, even Gloria on standby? She mighta worked for REO, but she was still a med-tech, right?

I'd always said that the past didn't matter, only that people carried their own weight. That they couldn't rely on their crew as crutches, and had to stand on their own. It hurt less that way, when they inevitably flatlined. But the past didn't matter now any more than it did before. What mattered was what I did now.

Everyone got their fair share? Didn't feel like it. Surprised at Becca's reaction all the same. Maybe she shoulda shot me, or tore into me. Woulda been easier to handle. And what the fuck had she even been thinking, bringing the kid here? This wasn't a damn kindergarden. Then again, the kid had a personal invite to the Afterlife.

Rogue didn't had those out to just anyone.

And the girl was all sorts of confusing. One second she was a gonkass teen, the next she was a hardened solo, all professional like. Coulda sworn she was the second coming of Blackhand, with the way she walked. Like a predator. And when she talked sometimes, it reminded me of the four-eyed fucker, Faraday.

Fuck.

It was confusing, frightening even. At the same time, that made me angry. Except I was done flatlining kids, or watchin' em flatline under me. I'd made that promise, and I kept my promises, believe it. A good leader took care of their people. I hadn't been doin' too good job of that recently, had I?

But shit, what could I do? I already paid for Sasha's arm, arranged this bolt-hole for her to hide in. Was takin' care of her. Didn't fix what happened, not really though. Couldn't take back the past. Learned that in the Metal Wars. Except for all the blood, sweat and tears, what had we accomplished?

That hurt too. A dull ache that had never faded neither. To think that all those battles, all that death, and all the pain we'd gone through had amounted to nothing. Fucking nothing. A stalemate. With the exception of Hansen, Militech pulled out. Arasaka came in. Fuck. I didn't want to think about that shit, it just made me angrier.

Pilar refilled our cups, and I raised it to toast him and Dorio. And all those gonks whose bones would be forever bleached by the desert sands. Dead by my hand, or by another's. I took a swig, and enjoyed the burn. So the question was how I could fix things, with Becca an' Sasha. Make it right, without losing face or cred. I didn't like my options.

Maybe test the waters? See how the others took it. They were always good for bouncing ideas off of.

"Yo Pilar."

"Sup choom?" He didn't turn his head, but I could tell he was paying attention. When he wasn't workin' that monovisor of his was pretty expressive.

"Becca been acting different at home?"

"Huh?" That definitely caught his attention, because I could see the barely noticeable shift of his head as he turned towards me, "Why?"

I shrugged, "Sasha got me thinkin'."

He grinned, "Oh yeah, me too choom." His long elbow reached across me, and managed to poke Dorio, who slapped the appendage away, "You hear that? You got competition, Maine's lookin' for a younger woman." Dorio swung, but he pulled back with a whine, "Easy, I'm injured!"

She raised an eyebrow and gave him a flat look, "Could give you something to actually cry about, if you want?"

Pilar made a face, and attempted to mimic Sasha, poorly, "Mah-mah, Maine! Dorio's bein' mean to me! Buy me a server, just a little one!"

I grunted, and hoped that Dorio just simmered instead of taking the bait, "Drink your medicine and sit back." I took my own advice, pushed my bulk into the suffering cushions, and adjusted my shades, "Like I said, been thinkin'."

The long limbed techie threw his drink back, let out a burp, and gestured, "Stop fuckin' teasin', I'm gettin' blue balls here."

This was gonna hurt, "Maybe we could train up the kids, you know? Make 'em more useful." Easy, gentle. Just like crawlin' through a minefield, "We do it right, they live longer. They live longer, they get stronger, and it's less of a mess for us to clean up in the long run."

Dorio looked thoughtful, but Pilar just snorted, "Yeah right. What're you gonna do, teach the catgirl how to NETrun?"

I shook my head, "Naw, been thinking of getting a data-runner, someone that deals with dataforts, you know?" That shut him up, "And the kids, was thinking of something more serious than just skillchips. Show 'em the real ropes, maybe get 'em better gear."

The buff solo's voice was quiet, "Better not come outta my cut, gonk." There wasn't a heat to it, I didn't think. A token resistance to show she didn't fold easy.

"Or mine." Pilar wasn't convinced, it seemed.

I exhaled audibly through my nose, "Listen, it ain't wasted ennies if it makes the crew stronger." Felt like I was losing him, and I hated being on the losing side. I lose my chill? I lose more face, and with face went street-cred. Had to be a way to explain it to him, a way he'd understand. Maybe he did, and was just being a grade-A Studd about it, "Dorio?" If I could get her support, we could bully him into compliance.

She crossed her arms, "Dunno Maine. Unless she chips in some Gorilla Arms, I'm not sure what I can do."

I reached over, and grabbed Pilar in a headlock, ignoring his wails, "What about grapplin'?" Her eyes widened, "She's little. Gonna get into some gonk's reach sooner or later." I started to squeeze the techie, "We don't want a Becca pancake, now do we, Pilar?" He made some sort of aborted noise that was probably a yes, and I let him go to sag back onto the couch.

Dorio nodded, "I guess, not a bad idea." I saw those sweet lips curve up slightly, and I knew I had her. Haha, sucker, I knew you had some mama bear instincts buried in there. I musta smiled, because the next thing I knew I was seeing stars, and there was a wet trickle on my upper lip. I tasted copper. Dorio withdrew her fist, "Don't get ahead of yourself."

Pilar managed to recover with a whining groan, "Finee~, I guess I can reinforce the little gremlin's jacket." He crossed his arms and pouted, "But man, I wanted to get some new techie mitts." He let out an orgasmic sound, "Gold plated."

Damn, gold plated? That was fucking nova as all hell! Damn it, had to focus. There was more to leadership than telling people where to point their iron. Managing people. Managing expectations. Balancing it all, like some third hand agent. Getting them to commit, to buy in. Not only that they'd throw themselves willingly into the fire, but that they'd come home at the end of the day.

No more bleached bones.

We were Edgerunners. Cyberpunks. Lowlife thugs who skulked at the edges of polite society. People flatlined all the time, I got that. We'd lost people and chooms before the last run too. But they were professionals. And if I was gonna turn the younger crowd into solid pros that could stand on their own, I had to be hard on 'em. Had to be good to 'em too. If I could make one of 'em a Legend too, well, that'd be something.

Gonks would point and say, 'Damn, that's Maine. He's the gonk that trained a Legend'. Maybe I could take Pilar's example too, wild as that sounded, and hold off on the arm cannon too. I'd been eyeing one, but maybe Sasha could use something with a bit more tooth n'claw. Real voodoo drek. Get her chrome arm chipped with a spelldeck, a real preem one. Runners did that, right? Smooth over any ruffled fur. She had complained about a server, but I knew it was an act. She didn't do no data-running.

I'd said that drek to shut Pilar up, but maybe there was something there. Getting a second runner was expensive, but if it meant we got better intel, and this shit never happened again... it'd be worth it. Could hire the kid, but she was a kid. A good kid, but a kid all the same. Word got out, and I'd lose rep. I'd ask around, see if there was someone older, maybe in the Afterlife?

Nova.

All I had to do now was get one of 'em vertical tanks, and we'd be Supernova.