A Rafael Interlude

Fortunately, waking up did not involve any screaming, violence, crying or any more traumatized shivering. Rafael had started blushing when he'd started to hear light moans and heavy breathing, but thankfully Sadako put a stop to that with a loud and obnoxiously cheerful 'Good morning' in her own language. At least, he thought that was what she said.

There were some confused sounds from the other side of Maria, and someone rather hastily let go of his hand. He tried not to feel rejected by that. It took little more coaxing to get Imani to stop using his arm as a pillow, and to get up so she could get ready for breakfast. Finally, it was just a matter of getting Maria to wake and stop using him as a mattress. She moved with great alacrity once she realized her position, a rare blush on her face once she finally realized what the lump under her pillow had been.

In the manner of children, Imani thought this was hilarious. Not the fact that his elevator had risen, but rather the fact that Maria had been trying to get the lump out of her pillow by hitting it.

Thankfully, the little vai quickly gathered her pillow to bring back to her dormitory room before taking a bath with the other children. Chiharu and Homura both also excused themselves, but not after assuring Maria that they had slept well. They looked like they actually had, and were surprised by the fact. The two had even thanked Rafael for some odd reason, and Homura had smiled shyly at him. Then they had excused themselves, holding hands in a way that would have had Sophia and Katarina squealing like tea kettles if it had been him and Maria doing it.

When Maria had again invited him to join her in the bath, he seriously, seriously considered agreeing, both to the invitation, and the implication accompanying it. He was only human, after all. His Dark Soul could only take so much! But in the end, he demurred, saying not-untruthfully he needed to hurry to the Ministry, and pretending not to see the poorly hidden disappointment in his fiancée's eyes, even as she nodded in understanding. Though he was perfectly willing to go along with how she pushed him against the wall, slammed a hand next to his head, and pulled him down to her face.

She then made a very, very passionate enthusiastic argument to get him to change his mind. In fact, he probably wouldn't have resisted if she'd dragged him to the bath at that point. Then she had stepped away, leaving him gasping for breath and had loftily informed him he should hurry up and take a bath, leaving him sitting on the bed and very obviously having been happy to see her as she left to do her morning sword drills, Sadako following after her..

Eventually, his stamina bar was sufficiently depleted enough to allow him to walk the halls without embarrassment, and he headed to his rooms. For the first time, he found the walk back to be much too long and filled with far too many people, making him feel self-conscious even though he had on a robe.

Thankfully, when he got to his room he found Lasciel had already laid out his clothes for the day, as well as prepared a warm bath for him. Had he really used to think having a maid of his own was strange? He'd been so young and stupid. Now he couldn't imagine being able to get ready in the mornings in time without her. He gave her a tired smile and a grateful, "Thank you, Lasciel" as she handed him a towel, and bowed him into the bathroom, closing the door behind her.

It was another perfectly ordinary morning for a frustrated Rafael Walt, who was starting to wonder why he was doing this to himself in the first place…

Oh, right, he wanted to be able to be with Maria as an equal and not just someone who weighed her down. He knew it was something grandiose and stupid like that…

It was another frustratingly unravished morning for Maria Campbell.

Still, there was success. Chiharu had admitted she had managed a quiet, mostly untroubled sleep, and Homura, after that outburst, had found peaceful rest. They had seemed women bewildered at something unfamiliar. Both had certainly seemed more energetic during the morning sword drills with everyone. Had peaceful rest truly eluded them for so long?

She had clearly been more lax than she had thought.

This would need to be better done. Still, it seemed that the method Katarina had advised her for taking care of her maid's nightmares had proven as effective for her wards. She now had a method. It would be time consuming, not to mention cramped and difficult, but with time, she could surely treat them all. Probably the children too, if they were just better at hiding it. At worst, she would have to stop discouraging having the children all trying to curl up near her when she told stories—

Abruptly a sense of realization, horror, and a heart-twisting guilt came over her as the ladder finally dropped.

Oh. Oh…

Maria sighed and made a note to have Ghirardeli commission more of those cushioned bedrolls some of her older wards had asked for, since sleeping laying down on beds had too many traumatic memories for them. One had asked for a hammock to sleep on, as even those bedrolls—called foot-ons or something in the Ashina tongue—had been similarly traumatic.

Absently she leaned forward, allowing Sadako to scrub and then massage her back. After a morning of sword drills, with more of the morning to be similar physical activities to teach her squire, it felt so good…

They had breakfast with mother, Anne, and the children that morning. For some reason, Imani was surrounded by the other children, all with their breakfast bowls in hand as they listened to whatever she was saying. She was too distant for Maria to hear, but whatever it was the other children certainly looked interested.

Normally, the children would have been scolded by one of her older wards to go back to their seats and finish eating properly. However, a similar crowd had gathered around Chiharu and Homura. Rapid but quiet Ashinago was being spoken, and there were a lot of hands over mouths. Whether that was to hide what was being said or an expression of shock, Maria wasn't sure. She could hear many gasps though, so maybe it was just covering their mouths in shock.

"What's going on?" her mother said, having noted the odd behavior.

"Maria found out some of her wards still had nightmares, so she tried something Katarina suggested to get rid of it," Rafael said succinctly. "That's probably what they're talking about."

Anne blinked. "That Lady Katarina suggested?" she said. Her face was red and Maria tried very, very hard not to think of why that could be, since she knew that—

"Yes," Maria said. "I originally asked for help with Sadako, and she suggested—" Abruptly, Maria remembered who Katarina had said needed help with nightmares and almost collapsed with relief as she realized the blush was likely from embarrassment and NOTHING ELSE! "Er, she suggested this method that she said was effective for… someone. I completely forget who that was. What terrible memory I have." Then, a small, petty part of her continued. "Perhaps I should ask her—?"

"NO, I'm sure it's not relevant," Anne said, managing to return to properly maid-ly stoicism save for the blush still on her cheeks which was embarrassment and NOTHING ELSE.

Why were Rafael and mother looking at each other like that?

Maria had been putting it off, but now it was time: she had to get her estate presentable to be able to host at least small parties for people who would not be understanding of her manor's circumstances. That meant delineating and preparing a space for such things, of a reasonable size and adequate appearance. In extremis, she might have to venture to the wilds to find and kill a gazebo so that she would have a right to proudly display its corpse on her grounds.

There was, unfortunately, nothing to be done about the rest of her estate. The manufactories, the defensive walls enclosing them, the farm fields and rice paddies, those would all be in view of people coming in. Perhaps she could grow some hedges to shield them from view, but that would be so inconvenient come harvest time, and anyway, the children were very proud of their fields. At best some trees would have to do, but even then it would be years…

Well, best to start now.

She had her steward arrange for some trees to be planted. Not enough to be a hindrance come harvest time, but something to draw the eye. And they might as well be fruit trees, given the jams they ran through for I Scream. Peaches, golden apples, apricots, oranges… Ghirardeli had also had her groundskeepers—who usually watched over the fields while the children were in school, and took care of the plants her estate did have—go out into her lands to collect wild shrubs that they could cultivate as hedges. They'd be scraggly, and would still need work, but it would be let them be serviceable sooner.

Still, it would be at least a month before that bore fruit, and the actual fruit trees would take longer. She could still do the smaller official housewarming party though.

…

She was going to have to keep her squire from being dragged off to a dark corner and molested, wasn't she?

In theory, the women sworn to her were to patrol the halls of the manor in shifts, making sure no one committed suicide, that any physical intimacy was voluntary, and to ensure no one wandered off.

In practice, as a guilty looking Chiharu confessed in her office after breakfast, they either all stayed up most of the night, used the time they were supposed to be sleeping doing… well, each other, or only managed to fall asleep for an hour or two at best nowadays, since there were morning sword drills. They made up for it with light catnaps all over the day, and occasionally fell asleep in the bath. The heat was enough to make them wake up screaming about fire and keep them from drowning.

Each word was like a poison knife to her heart. Blind. Negligent. Uncaring. Failure.

"I see," Maria said. "We shall be changing that, Chiharu. It's too dangerous, and renders those patrolling near-useless in performing their assigned task should they encounter a situation." Vaguely, she remembered how she had met Sadako. Had Chiharu been tired from lack of sleep then, to not notice the other woman? "For now, my priority is to ensure that everyone is able to sleep peacefully."

"Why, my lady?" Chiharu said quietly.

Maria looked up. Chiharu's face was staring at her, confused and… lost? "Why what, Chiharu-chan?"

"Why do you do this?" Chiharu asked. "You have welcomed us to your home and treat us as if we were your own. Shower us with gifts and learning and wonderful food and ask nothing in return. We know Sadako had to beg to become your maid, as if you considered her a favored daughter too good for drudgery. Even we sworn to serve you are treated like pampered ladies, not… what we are. And now you trouble yourself because our dreams haunt us. As if you wish to free our Dark Souls from the misty valleys of memory. I do not understand, my lady. You have done enough. You have done more than enough. And we are not worthy. We are not worthy…"

Maria tilted her head. "Why wouldn't I? Didn't I say you were all under my protection?"

She was surprised when Chiharu suddenly seemed to collapse like a pillar struck by a beast's hurled fire. "Chiharu!" she exclaimed, vaulting over her desk in a single motion to find her ward collapsed on the ground, fallen on her posterior, and crying. "Chiharu, what is it? Are your legs injured?" Not waiting for a reply, she called eldritch light to her hand, laying it on Chiharu's legs and letting her magic penetrate the woman, trying to heal what was wrong.

There was a sniff. Chiharu was crying. Had she somehow been injured during morning training and Maria hadn't noticed? Another failure on her part.

"Chiharu? Where does it hurt? Tell me so I can heal it," she asked desperately.

Chiharu just cried even harder.

Eventually, Maria, unable to think of anything else to do, just held the woman who'd been the first to swear herself to a young knight, awkwardly patting her on the back and feeling wretched that there was nothing she could do.

After what seemed an eternity, the sobs died down.

"Are you… feeling better now?" Maria asked awkwardly.

"I have disgraced myself before you, my lady," came the muffled, hiccupping reply.

Maria frowned. "Why?" she said.

Another hiccup crossed with a choking sound. "I was unsightly."

Maria frowned, leaned back, and looked at her maid. "That's nothing to consider disgraceful," Maria said, pulling out a handkerchief and starting to wipe Chiharu's face dry. The other woman held very still as Maria gently gathered up her tears. "Can you stand now?"

"Yes, my lady," Chiharu said, lips moving carefully as if trying not to make her face, lest she jar Maria's hand.

Maria nodded, put away her handkerchief and got to her feet, then held out a hand to Chiharu to help her up. Chiharu stared at it for a moment, than allowed her to be pulled upright.

"May I ask why you fell like that?" Maria said.

Chiharu kept staring at her. "I forgot how great you were, my lady," she said, bowing her head. "I am shamed for having done so. To think that my lady would protect me even from dreams…"

Great? She wasn't great. She was a monster.

"Do not thank me," Maria said. "It was Rafael who noticed Sadako's nightmares and told me. He was the one who guessed you all might be suffering like she was. Thank him, not me. He saw when I didn't."

"Rafael-san?" Chiharu said, surprised.

"Yes," Maria nodded. "Chiharu, perhaps you should take a break. Clearly this lack of sleep and tiredness is overwhelming you. I'll have someone else make the arrangements. And tonight, come back to my room."

Chiharu had opened her mouth to reply, but froze on her last words, her mouth open. Eventually, she said, "I am to be by your side once more tonight, my lady? "

"Yes. And bring Homura again as well," Maria mused. "Hmm… who else is getting the least sleep? Tell me the first person who comes to mind."

Chiharu flapped her mouth a moment before replying. "There is Koneko, my lady," she said. "She hides it well, but I believe she tires herself to the point of exhaustion so that she is too exhausted to dream. She has been awake for more than a day now."

Maria nodded, wincing inside. Another failure. "Bring her to me when you come tonight," Maria said. "And make sure to bring your pillows."

Chiharu blinked at that. "Yes, my lady," she said, bowing in acknowledgement.

"I think that will be all for tonight," Maria said. "I've been lapse… that cannot continue…"

She shook her head. "You may go, Chiharu," she said. "And remember, tell everyone they are exempt from patrol and may retire to bed with everyone else tonight." An ill solution, but if anyone was going to collapse from exhaustion, they might as well do it in their own beds. "And tell them if they are unable to sleep, or if they wake because of a nightmare, they are to come to me immediately as soon as they awaken. The same goes for everyone else. Please have them spread the word, Chiharu-chan."

"As you command, my lady," Chiharu said with another bow.

When she stepped out of the room, Maria finally allowed herself a defeated sigh, letting her head fall in her hands. Failure. Neglect. Ignorance. Complacency…

Then she took a deep breath and straightened her spine once more. She had learned. She'd continue to learn. She would not let her wards continue to suffer, when they had suffered so much already.

For a dark, tempting moment, she considered the abyssal darkness within her. So easy, to hide memories with but a touch…

She shook her head. No. She wasn't allowed. She had to do this on her own. She would do this on her own.

But that… wasn't a true, was it?

Rafael had realized. He had seen they had been having nightmares when she had fallen complacent and lazy. He had taken steps to do something about it, while also protecting Sadako's pride by allowing her to inform Maria herself. He had been there last night, comforting Imani and Homura as best as he could. He had reminded her of the issue gently over breakfast yesterday, making it sound like a passing inquiry instead of a reminder. He had seen to it her duty was done…

Her fiancé was a good man. A better person than she, despite all the things he had done while possessed by the Dark Spirit.

On thinking of him, she felt the familiar call from the chalice dungeon, of depths unexplored.

Sadako was currently occupied with chores, so she was alone in her office for now. Maria calmly stood up and locked her door.

Then she returned to her seat, loosened her clothing for comfort, and thought of Rafael.