With today being another beautiful, sunny day, a certain wholesome but not-so-passionate couple took another crack at spending quality time together, this time by having a picnic in an open meadow frequented by various other lemurs trying to enjoy their weekend.
And just like the last time, only half of the couple was actually focused on the "quality time" part, now sporting a drab expression while rummaging through their picnic basket, while her husband was caught up in his own thoughts.
"Uh! I know!" Ted snapped his fingers, sitting next to Dorothy on their blanket, blissfully oblivious to her clear disinters at the subject at hand.
"How about I get KJ a display case for his crown. I mean, I know he almost never takes it off, but I'm sure he doesn't wear it when he goes to bed, right? Sounds very uncomfortable to me and a king needs his rest to rule a kingdom, so he needs someplace to put away his kingly head adornment without worrying about it catching any grime while he's asleep."
"Why don't you ask him yourself?" Dorothy lazily gestured ahead and Ted turned around.
He was pleasantly surprised to find their king walking towards them, appearing just a bit under the weather and rubbing his head.
"King Julien? To what do we owe the pleasure?" Ted smiled.
"Ah…salutations, Ted. And Dorothy." The ringtail tried to force a bright expression, his royal head still throbbing a bit. "I hope you guys are enjoying this bright, sunshiny day."
"Debatable." Dorothy muttered to no one in particular as Julien kneeled next to them.
"I hope I am not intruding on your romantic date." Julien started gingerly. "But I was meaning to ask you something, Ted."
"Oh, no at all, KJ. As the old saying goes, the more the merrier." The brown lemur was more than delighted to have their king join them, much to Dorothy's annoyance.
"Why do I bother…" she muttered under her breath.
"Say…" Ted was quick to ask "…not to insinuate anything, least of all about myself, but I just happen to know a guy who wants to get the perfect gift for his king who's going to have a surprise birthday party he's not supposed to know about, but the guy I know isn't sure what the ideal gift for his king would be. Since you yourself are a king, I was really hoping to get your expert opinion on the matter."
"Oh, well…" King Julien could read between the lines and grew excited "…as a seasoned king myself, I could certainly think of a few things that other king guy would love to have, like…"
He caught himself, groaning and pressing his eyes shut as he slammed his palm against his own head. This wasn't supposed to be about him. Stupid royal short attention span!
"Actually…" he sighed, his demeanor changing entirely, to the couple's surprise "…ugghh…can we just be dropping the silly charades? Like, who forgets when their own birthday is? Even more ridiculous, who in Frank's name would forget when their king's birthday is?"
Caught off guard, Ted and Dorothy exchanged confused glances.
"King Julien, are you feeling okay?" the brown lemur asked in concern.
"Yeah, you don't sound like you?" his wife added.
"Of course I'm feeling okay." Julien insisted half-heartedly and fiddled with his fingers. "But…um…I would be feeling a lot okay-er if I could borrow Ted for a while."
"Wait, you mean you want me to hang out with you? Just me and you?" Ted pointed at himself exuberantly.
"Well…yes. Just the two of us, for important royal business." Julien clarified and rubbed the back of his head. "See…I was thinking about doing something special for my surprise birthday party that I totally know about but pretend to be surprised anyway but…I'm not sure how to pull it off exactly. I'm afraid this might be outside my area of royal expertise."
"So you're saying you need my help?" Ted grew even more excited.
"Yes, I'll count it as your present if you'll assist me. See…this thing will take a lot of…sincerity and heartfeltness, something I…admittedly am not a pro at but you…you're the sincerest, most nauseatingly sentimentaliest dude I know of, so I wager you would be perfect for the task."
"Aww…say no more, KJ. You know I'd do anything for you." Ted clutched his hands and went all googly eyed before turning to his wife.
"This day just keeps getting better." He said like a giddy school girl, making Dorothy roll her eyes.
Ted turned back to his king, resting his chin on his palms and listening with the utmost attention. "So what do you need me for?"
"Well…" Julien leaned closer and whispered something into Ted's ear, making him gasp.
"King Julien, that might be the greatest idea you ever had, you big softie you."
"Are you…planning to give some sort of big, sentimental speech, King Julien?" Dorothy asked, making both males jolt.
When did Dorothy become a mind-reader?
"What? No, no…where would you get such a ridiculous idea?" Ted insisted nervously, waving his hands.
"Yes, whatever you have figured out, Dorothy, I can assure you it's not what you think you have figured out." Julien added before grabbing Ted by the elbow and pulling him up.
"Now, if you'll excuse us, we need to work on the surprise which totally is not a big, schmaltzy speech about how much I care about my peoples, especially-"
"King Julien! King Julien?" he jumped as he heard a familiar deep voice.
He quickly shushed Ted before turning around to see Maurice rushing up to him, trying to act nonchalant.
"Oh...sup, Maurice? How are you?" Julien asked awkwardly while the still-excited Ted squirmed and had to clamp his mouth shut with his hands.
"King Julien, I gotta ask you something? Have ya seen Mort lately?" Maurice said, too worried to notice that Julien and Ted were clearly hiding something. "Ted? Dorothy? Have you perhaps seen 'im? I can't find the lil'bugger anywhere."
"Mort?" Julien remembered about the missing mouse lemur, welcoming the distraction that drew attention away from the thing he was trying to keep under wraps. Not the phony mad scientist dolphin Karl and Timo were building, but the other secret thing.
"Yes, ya know it's not like 'im to go M.I.A for so long."
"Huh…I guess he really has been a big no-show lately?" Julien mused before lifting his left foot and gesturing at his wiggling toes. "The royal feet have been unmolested for an unprecedently long time."
"So ya haven't seen 'im then?" Maurice figured and shook his head worriedly. "Man, this ain't good…"
"We haven't seen him lately either." Dorothy shrugged. "Have you Ted?"
Ted squeaked while clenching his jaw and shook his head, desperately trying to keep his mouth shut, when something dawned on him, putting a damper on his cheerful disposition.
"When was the last time ya saw 'im?" Maurice asked. "I haven't seen 'im since we had that emergency meeting in the outhouse."
"Well, I did see him one other time, when he so rudely interrupted my and Keke's…" Julien chuckled a bit sheepishly "…umm…our pranking spree, and Keke kicked him where the sun don't shine."
Maurice cringed at the mental image before realizing the implication. "But that was days ago?"
"Golly, you fellas don't think…" Ted gulped, struggling to articulate the horrible idea he was imagining.
"…that the mystery predator got him?" He whispered to Julien and Maurice, the latter already harboring similar suspicions.
"You don't think?" The aye-aye choked back a sob, lowering his huge ears and wringing his bushy tail.
"You saying Mort got eaten?" Julien blinked.
"Poor Mort…" Maurice sniffed "…he didn't deserve this, man. He had so many more centuries ahead of-"
Julien barked an incredulous laugh.
"Guys, that is the stupidest thing my kingly ears have ever heard. What self-respecting predator would want to eat Mort? He's super annoying, and probably as palatable as he is appealing, by which I mean the exact opposite, that he is totally unpalatable. If anybody was stupid enough to eat him, they would throw him up just as fast."
"Are you sure?" Maurice asked meekly.
Then again? Julien realized that if there was a predator out there capable of stomaching Mort, and those stupid penguins didn't catch him in time, that was all the more incentive for the ringtail to do what he planned to do while he still could. Realizing that you parents never loved him and that you were pretending not to know that they had carelessly abandoned you for years made a guy think, especially about how all things were finite.
Looking at Maurice, he was reminded how much juicy, succulent meat the portly aye-aye had on him. But Maurice did not need to know that, it would make the big worrywart go crazy with paranoia.
"The king is always sure, Maurice." Julien tried to sound confident. "And I'm sure that misshapen hangnail will show up sooner or later, probably at the most inopportune of times to spoil my day, that is the Mort way."
Whether Mort's possible demise was a blessing or something that would warrant mourning, Julien could decide later, after the important stuff was dealt with.
"Besides, we don't even know that the mystery predator is at fault here. For all we know, the little trash goblin fell down a ditch, hit his head and-"
"Hola!"
Julien let out a girlish scream and flailed around in circles with Keke on his back.
"Don't eat me, please! Eat Ted!" he pointed at the brown lemur. "His unroyal life wasn't going to amount to any…"
He calmed down as he realized who had anchored themselves to his back, and sighed while touching his chest.
"Oh, Keke. It is just you. You gave me quite a fright."
"Who is this Mort again, Mr…eh…King Julien?" Keke inquired, trying to mimic how Julien's subjects addressed him.
Julien chuckled lightly. "No need for the formalities, we are all friend here. Your illustrious, majestic highness will suffice. And Mort's the weird little twerp you kicked in the coconuts because he does not respect personal spaces, remember?"
"Oh, him? So he's not a big loss then, no?" Keke asked.
"Keke, it's impolite to jump people like that. You could have given 'im a heart attack." Maurice said sternly, putting his hands on his hips.
"Don't be such a major league buzzkill, Maurice." Julien said as he placed Keke down, making the aye-aye wince. "She was just having a little fun, doing good deeds all day can be quite draining."
"Ehhh…" he looked at Keke warily "…you were doing good deeds all day, right?"
"I was yesterday." Keke groaned. "But today…I can't find anyone who needs help."
"It's true, the little dear came to us insisting that she clean up our garage, with no prompting." Dorothy clutched her hands.
"She sure did." Ted shot a finger gun. "She even helped me find my old tutu."
Julien and Maurice stared at him awkwardly before turning back to Keke.
"Don't worry, Keke. I am sure you will find someone who's day is going miserably today." Julien assured the kinkajou. "Have you also been steering clear of mischief?"
"That depends. Have you been steering clear of the funny juice?" Keke smirked. She figured that whatever it was that Horst and then King Julien were drinking, it made them act stupid…er.
The adults all blinked in confusion. Only Maurice had a hunch what she was getting at and frowned disapprovingly.
"I…I am not acquainted with the meaning of that Guanomalan term, but I can tell you are back-sassing to the king. Be glad that you and me are like BFFs, otherwise I might have taken offense to that." Julien said not-so-seriously.
"I'm only trying to look out for my king, isn't that what good chicos do?" Keke asked while holding his hand, putting on her cute face.
Julien chuckled in realization. "By Frank, it is. Y'know, it is very reassuring to be reminded that I am surrounded by so many peeps who…" he trailed off, realizing he was getting too emotional. He had to reserve that for the party.
"Anyway…" he cleared his throat and straightened himself before dragging Ted after him "…I have some important royal business to attend to, one which requires Ted's aid, so I'll be seeing yall tomorrow. C'mon, Ted."
He tried to leave, with Ted following him, happy that he would soon be relived of the burden of trying not to spoil the king's big surprise.
"That means "help", sí?" Keke realized and jumped in their way. "I'd love to help you too, King Julien. You're fun to be around, not like the other adults."
"I'm sorry, Keke." Julien gently patted her head. "While it would be very cool to spend time with you again, the thing I am trying to do right now does not require charming cheekiness but unabashed, shameless sincerity… meaning this guy." He yanked Ted up by the arm, who was on the verge of happy tears.
"See you tomorrow then, I'm sure you'll know where to find me, all my adoring subject will. Come on, Ted."
Keke deflated and groaned watching the two lemurs leave, while Maurice walked up to her.
"Chin up, Keke. I know someone who needs assistance." Dorothy said, sporting a pathetic grin.
"Can you point me to them?" the kinkajou reluctantly asked before realizing who the lovelorn mongoose lemur was clearly hinting at, much to her dread.
"Nuh-uh." She raised her paws and stepped back. "I'm doing good deeds, not loaning myself as a compañera."
"Speaking of Mary Ann?" Maurice butted in.
"Who mentioned Mary Ann?" Keke turned to him, making Maurice grunt.
"Well… now that she has been brought up, where is she?" he questioned Keke. "And where's Horst?"
"He's picking mangos to pay for house renovations, so I can have my own room." Keke gladly answered. "He's being a…how do you say? The breadwinner?"
"Oh…okay then, good to know." Maurice didn't know how to feel about that. "And Mary Ann?"
Keke shrugged. "No sé. She wants me to get integrated into your community, gotta do it by myself. But I know she's always near, watching me like a águila harpía."
"A…what now?" Maurice asked before noticing the subtle smirk on the little kinkajou's face, along with the fact that she was looking past him.
With his pupils shrinking, Maurice glanced up and yelped as he saw the sleek form and long tail of a fossa perched on a branch right above them. For many lemurs, this was the last thing they would see before ascending to Frankri-La.
"Hey, Mary Ann!" Dorothy waved at her, making the fossa chuckle sheepishly.
"For the record, I wasn't spying on you…" she preemptively told Maurice "…I was just keeping an eye on Keke. And I can assure you, even if I was starving, Mort would be the last lemur I would ever consider eating."
"Umm…" Maurice fearfully backed away. "I think I'll continue searching for 'im…later!"
And so he bolted away, while Keke whistled in amazement.
"The big-eared gordo sure can run." She noted as Mary Ann jumped down next to her.
"So…have you seen anyone who needs my help?" Keke turned to the fossa.
"Afraid not." Mary Ann said as she scanned their surroundings, seeing various lemurs frolicking around and having a relaxing afternoon.
Except for one, a little lemur leaning against a boulder, trying to reach into a narrow crack with his stumpy arm.
"If you're not busy with good deeds, you can sit with me. I've got snacks too!" The two heard Dorothy, and saw her still sporting her pathetic grin while holding up a bunch of fruits in her hands.
"Keke, why don't you help that kid, he seems to have lost something in that crack?" Mary Ann nudged Keke forward.
"I dunno…he looks like a weirdo." Keke whispered to her.
"Weirdo or not, another good deed is another good deed."
Groaning, Keke ran towards the boy on all fours while Mary Ann looked at Dorothy, unsure of what to do. She had never been cordially invited to anything.
"You want us to come over?" she asked and Dorothy nodded. Mary Ann noticed that the usually perky mongoose lemur seemed to be in some kind of funk.
"Um…okay." Mary Ann gingerly walked over to her and sat down. "Is this because of Ted?"
"What? No. We have no issues, him and I. Why would you even assume that?" Dorothy insisted, clenching her teeth into a strained grin.
"I…never insinuated that." Mary Ann pointed out. "I just noticed that you seemed upset that he was more interested in assisting King Julien."
Dorothy chuckled awkwardly "…kinda am…we were supposed to have a romantic picnic together."
Stopping behind the little lemur, Keke put her paws behind her back innocently. "Hola. Do you need help?"
"I can't reach my ball." The little lemur whined in a squeaky voice.
"Awesome!" Keke cheered before catching herself and grabbing him by the elbow.
"I mean…allow me, amigo." She carelessly threw him aside and looked down the crack before turning around and using her prehensile tail to grab the red ball and pull it out.
"Here you go." She handed it back to the bug-eyed kid. "What's your name?"
"Todd, you stay away from her!"
Mary Ann groaned, and Keke's expression soured as Tammy appeared out of nowhere and pulled her son back.
"Where do you get off trying to steal my son's belongings, you hooligan!" she wagged her finger at the unamused kinkajou.
"Calm yourself, Tammy." Mary Ann said dryly. "She helped him get his ball back."
"It's true. I saw it." Dorothy said helpfully, to the portly lemur's chagrin.
"I wasn't asking for context, Dorothy!"
"She really did, mother." Todd said in a meek tone. "She used her weird tail to reach it, because I couldn't."
"Well…" the flustered Tammy blanked for a moment "…it's not nice to be a show-off! You can't go around making other children feel all self-conscious about not having prehensile tails like you!"
"Sorry, Todd. I humbly apologize for being special." Keke replied, trying to hide her smirk.
"Funny? If memory serves, you're always eager to brag about your son's accomplishments? Insisting that he's highly gifted and special?" Mary Ann noted casually.
Letting the fossa's words sink in, something dawned on Dorothy and she gasped. "Wait…oh goodness gracious? Are you saying Tammy is being a hypocrite?"
Mary Ann shrugged and looked at her claws. "I am not one to make any accusations. I prefer to let people form their own opinions. What do you think?"
"Well…" Dorothy pondered "…that did kinda sound like flagrant hypocrisy to me? And not the first time, coming from her-"
"I don't have to take this." Tammy scoffed. "You'll slip up soon enough, fossa. Come on Todd, you need to surround yourself with better company!"
As she dragged him away, the little lemur stared at Keke with a haunted look in his eyes.
"Heeeelpp meeee…" he whispered fearfully.
Keke shuddered and headed back to Mary Ann. She knew something didn't feel right about that boy. Now she knew why, with him being the vaca gorda's ilk and all.
"Ay caramba…" she muttered as she ran back to Mary Ann "…can't the predator eat her? She's got so much cárnico on her, he wouldn't be hungry ever again."
Mary Ann suppressed as snigger while Dorothy reached out and patted Keke on the shoulder.
"Now, Keke. You gotta be careful when cracking jokes like these, or folks might get the wrong idea."
"Sure…I was joking." Keke said lamely as she brushed the lemur's hands away and turned to Mary Ann.
"Can't we go fishing? You promised I'd get to gut a fish with my bare paws."
Mary Ann smiled warmly. "We'll do it, but not right now. I think Dorothy needs some consolation after-"
"What? Consolation?" Dorothy flinched. "I never said I needed consolation."
"Really? Okay then, adiós." Keke was about to leave when Mary Ann grabbed her by the arm, much to her chagrin.
"Maybe not consolation but I think Dorothy would still appreciate our company, given her husband's commitments." Mary Ann guessed.
"Yes, yes. You read my mind. I just don't want to have a picnic by my lonesome. Who does that?" Dorothy chuckled awkwardly.
"Well…me and Keke appreciate the invitation." The fossa said politely. "Don't we, Keke?"
Grunting and plopping on her rear, Keke grabbed a mango and took a big, messy bite out of it, letting the juice drip down her chin.
"Lhhhgh thhh mhhh…" she swallowed "…like he likes King Julien a lot more."
Dorothy tensed but tried to brush it off. "I guess they are good friends, been through a lot together, with Ted acting as King Julien's backup captain of the guards, the two of them being in exile together during the War of the Beasts, stopping Karl from ending his life…I guess I'm just not as exciting as our king."
Keke drew a breath to say something but refrained from doing so after receiving a stern glare from Mary Ann.
"Fine. Too easy." She muttered out of the corner of her mouth.
"Well, I'm not terribly exciting myself. Guess we have some things in common." Mary Ann said humbly. "So if you need someone to talk to…I'm all ears."
"Aww…that' very considerate of you." Dorothy smiled before sighing. She couldn't believe she was going say this, especially to a fossa.
"Something you need to get off your chest?"
"Maybe. Between you and me…Ted and I might not be the perfect couple everyone thinks we are." Dorothy admitted timidly.
"People think that about you two?" Mary Ann blurted before grinning nervously. "I mean…go on."
"Well…not a whole lot to say really." Dorothy fiddled with her fingers. "We might have hit a rough patch…one that's been going on for years. Ted's not a bad guy but it's just…I guess the word that best sums up our marriage would be "unfulfilling"… just a smidge though."
"Then why did you marry him in the first place?" Keke asked bluntly.
Mary Ann grew uneasy but relaxed after seeing that Dorothy evidently didn't take offense to it.
"Funny story actually…" she said less-than-convincingly "…I practically dragged him to the altar after my parents advised me that the captain of the guards would be ideal husband material, except…this time he wound up being a she…y'know, Clover. So marrying her understudy, who was a guy, seemed like the next best thing."
"…that was all your incentive?" Mary Ann made a face. "You just did it, without question?"
"I sure did. I mean, none of us are getting any younger." Dorothy said with misplaced pride. "Not once in my life did I question my parents' infallible wisdom. Just like when my mother told me that females are biologically predisposed to be nurturing parents while males are cripplingly impaired for it."
"They told you that?" Mary Ann blinked, suddenly having even bigger reservations about that questionable advice.
"Why listen to them?" Keke shrugged. "Parents can be muy estúpido, just look at King Julien's parents. They abandoned him when was younger than me."
Mary Ann wanted to argue but had to concede that Keke made point.
"Sure, but he and his folks are royals, and I come from a long line of commoners. It's totally different." Dorothy waved her hand.
"Perhaps, but I think what Keke is trying to say is that maybe, just maybe, you should form your own opinion on such matters? Surely it won't hurt. Even parents are just people after all. How did you feel about this marriage?"
"How did I feel?" Dorothy asked meekly.
"Yes, I mean…how would you evaluate your parents' judgement regarding who your ideal match would be?"
"Huh…I don't think they were necessarily thinking about finding the most compatible guy for me, per se…they might have just meant it from a "social status" perspective…" Dorothy sniffed and wiped her nose "…I mean, Clover herself was practically allergic to affection, maybe it's a requirement for all lemur guards?"
"Is she taking about the same Ted?" Keke cheekily whispered to Mary Ann, who shushed her. It was obvious to both of them that Ted was the last lemur in Madagascar to be allergic to affection.
"Uhhh…maybe? Who knows." Mary Ann said with uncertainty. "Guess no marriage is perfect. My Horst can be quite the uncouth oaf, not to mention his "beverage" issue and all."
"But he doesn't ignore you, does he?" Dorothy hung her head pathetically.
Mary Ann couldn't help but smile impishly. "Oh, not at all. But…not in front of Keke…"
Her voice trailed off as she noticed Dorothy leaning against her and sniffing, prompting the fossa to pat her back reassuringly. This was a first for her, having someone spill their heart out to her. Fossa were more adept at ripping hearts out, along with every other organ residing inside a lemur.
"I don't know if this sounds weird…" Dorothy muttered "…but I'm kinda envying you right now."
"Oh, I don't think I'm very enviable." Mary Ann insisted. "There's plenty of drawbacks to being me."
"But not in your marriage, huh?"
"Well…"
"If he's ignoring you, just trash him then." Keke cut in.
"What?" Dorothy looked at her in confusion.
"You know, trash him…or how do you gringos say it?" Keke rubbed her chin.
"You mean "dump him"?" Mary Ann asked.
"Sí, that's what I meant. Just dump him and get it over with."
Dorothy recoiled in horror, her tail puffing up and she clutched her chest.
"Dump him?" she wheezed. "As in…a divorce? No, no, no. That's unthinkable…it's just not done. No one in this kingdom has ever had a divorce."
"What about Mort and Zora?" Mary Ann reminded her.
"Well…um…those were exceptional circumstances. Zora was an adulterous scoundrel who defiled the sanctity of marriage, and Mort only hooked up with her as a ploy to free us "unpaid interns" from Koto's tyranny anyway. It wasn't a real marriage." Dorothy tried to rationalize it.
"But if you're unhappy…" Mary Ann pointed out "…maybe it's something worth considering, just in case things don't improve. You would probably get a lot of mangos in alimony, if nothing else."
"Sí, what do you have to lose? What do you even need a boy for?" Keke asked in earnest. "Most of them are just a bunch of good-for-nothing boobs."
Mary Ann chuckled. "Now, Keke. I'd say that is a very gross generalization."
"But even you said that Horst's an oaf." Keke pointed out.
"Horst is far from perfect but he has always been good to me, and he's good to you too, given that he got you that new bed, and is currently working hard picking all those mangos so we can pay for our house renovations."
"Are you kiddin'? Horst's actually doing real work?" Dorothy said in disbelief.
"He sure is, and no strings or beverages are attached this time. His only reward is to make us happy." Mary Ann affirmed.
Dorothy couldn't believe her ears. She knew that Mary Ann and Horst were…passionate, but she didn't know the male would actually be willing to go against his hedonistic instincts purely to make his wife happy.
"That's…very sweet of him, but…" Dorothy asked "…not to imply anything about my own marriage but…do you know what motivated him to do that?"
"I'd say it's quite obvious that it has something to do with the new addition to our family…" Mary Ann ruffled Keke's head "…I think that ever since Keke entered our lives, Horst had more incentive to be responsible."
"Really, the little one has that sort of effect on him?" Dorothy asked hopefully.
"She certainly does. Keke might be a handful but I'd say she's brought our little, unconventional family even closer." Mary Ann confirmed.
"So you're saying kids bring couples closer?" Dorothy asked eagerly.
Mary Ann blinked, worried that her frie…cordial acquaintance might have gotten the wrong idea.
"Well…I suppose they do in some cases. Each couple is different after all. I think the three of us share a mutual understanding due to being the odd ones out in this ki-"
"But you're saying kids bring couples closer, right?" Dorothy repeated, clearly not getting the memo.
Mary Ann looked uneasy. "Dorothy, are you planning to do something radical and desperate?"
The mongoose lemur gulped and looked away, avoiding eye contact.
"No, why would you think that? I'm just… happy to hear that things are going so well for your family. Your trial will be over by tomorrow, right?"
"It sure will." Keke sounded very relieved. "Then I can finally go back to having fun again."
"While exercising self-control, right?" Mary Ann added pointedly.
Keke looked at her oddly before nodding.
"Sure I will. You're el Jefe."
"Look at that, your positive influence is molding her into a proper young lady." Dorothy clutched her hands. "I knew you were more than a savage carnivore."
Mary Ann sighed. "Thanks. I hope the rest of the kingdom starts sharing your sentiment. I have a hunch things won't be easy even after trial."
From the dense undergrowth, a pair of yellow eyes watched the trio.
"Not if those silly penguins can't catch the mystery predator, they still haven't got a clue y'know." Keke said sourly. "I don't know why King Julien appointed those tontos for the job."
Dorothy smiled. "Well, I might be prone to misplaced optimism, but I have a feeling things will work out just fine. Those penguins are season professionals who would never be led down the rosy path...even if that's the very thing King Julien is trying to do for the sake of our kingdom's security."
His ego sufficiently stroked, Savio hummed a supercilious chuckle.
So these strange squirrel-monkeys have a king? Interesting. He had never dined with royalty before, but that could wait, for he had already selected his next meal.
Later…
Standing atop of a bamboo ladder, a sweaty Horst was busy plucking mangos and dropping them into his basket below, before wiping his forehead.
"This responsibility stuff would be a lot easier if I could take my beverages in public…" he muttered to himself as he grabbed another mango but the damn thing wouldn't budge.
Grunting in annoyance, the blue-eyed lemur pressed one foot against the trunk and pulled as hard as he could until the mango suddenly let go and Horst cried as he was thrust forward and the ladder rocked back and forth.
But just as he was about to fall, he felt someone grabbing his tail and pull him back. Holding on to the mango, Horst looked over his shoulder and saw Keke grasping his tail while anchoring herself to a branch with her own tail.
"Phew…nice catch, pumpkin." The relived lemur chuckle before noticing his wife down below, pushing the ladder back against the tree.
"Horst…I was just trying to convince the girl that you're not a complete oaf." The fossa griped.
"Now, hun. Would an "oaf" bring home such an impressive harvest of mangos?" Horst proudly pointed at the big pile of mangos in his basket.
"I think not-" he barely finished before the step on which he was standing on broke.
Horst let out one high-pitched squeak after another as his crotch broke each subsequent step until the hit the ground and squashed his newest mango with his face.
Mary Ann winced before the two bamboo beans fell over and one slammed into her husband, followed by the other.
"Is he alright?" Keke asked from above.
Lifting and cradling the dazed and battered Horst in her arms, Mary Ann grabbed a nearby leaf to wipe the mango off his face.
"So how are ya doin' with your good deeds?" Horst chuckled in a stupor.
"Not many good deeds left to do today, I'm afraid." Mary Ann sighed. "But at least we made peace with most folks that Keke has pranked. Some like the chimps didn't even hold grudges."
"Sounds like good news to me. Means you've been thorough." Horst shook his head, trying to regain his senses. "Things are calming down again, and our trial should be over by tomorrow, if I'm not mistaken."
"I suppose that's one way to look at it." Mary Ann tried to smile. "Bad news is…the penguins still haven't found the mystery predator."
"We met them today. They haven't found anything, and I doubt they will." Keke scoffed.
"Really?" Horst stood up in his wife's arm, scowling and snapping his fingers. "Damn. What was King Julien thinking assigning those two birdbrains to the task? My wife's fate is placed in the ha…wings of two stupid birds that don't even know how to fly?"
"I know, right?" Keke agreed. "Maybe we should hunt down the predator ourselves. Then Mary Ann can beat him up, just like with the bad fossa and Gladys!"
Mary Ann thought about it. "As much as I would love to give them a piece of my mind, I doubt the mystery predator will give themselves away easily, but if they do, I'll be ready."
"That's the spirit, hun." Horst chuckled. "I wouldn't fancy taking you on after causing you so much grief."
"Maybe you've earned a break, Horst." Mary Ann suggested. "Keke and I can pick up the harvest. Keke, be a dear and find a coconut."
"Sure." Keke shrugged. "Better let him take a siesta before he kills himself."
After being carried over by Mary Ann, Horst was left to recline in the shade of a tree, much to his delight. Mary Ann kissed his cheek and told him to relax.
"Now this is more like it." He exhaled after being left alone, and put his arms behind his head.
He was on the verge of dozing off when he was stirred awake by what sounded like a canine whining. Opening his eyes, Horst was met with a round, brown-furred face with small round ears and button eyes looking down at him.
Pushing himself up, he saw the short-legged, stocky mammal with a short tail sitting in front of him, looking cute and unassuming.
"Hello there? Haven't seen you around these parts?" he greeted the stranger, when Keke walked up to him, carrying half a coconut shell.
But upon seeing what Horst was doing, she gasped, dropping the coconut drink and scurrying up a tree.
"Dios mío! Un perro de monte."
Horst giggled as the diminutive dog pressed his nose against the former's torso and started sniffing him.
"Heheh…stop it, that tickles. Look at that, Keke? I think the lil' scamp likes me?"
"Horst, get away from that!" Keke warned him fearfully. "That's a perro de monte!"
"Ah...hehe…a what?" Horst tried to concentrate. "You know what he is?"
"A bush dog, estúpido! I know them. They're dangerous! He's checking if you're good to eat!"
Surprised, Horst glanced between her and the bush dog, before laughing and waving his hand dismissively.
"Keke, Keke. I get that they might be natives of your home jungle and thus you're more intrinsically familiar with them than I am, and I know you're a very brave, if not reckless girl, so you actually being afraid of him would almost certainly mean that he's bad news, but as a mature, experienced adult, I think I might be just a little better at judging people's character, so-"
"RAWR!"
Horst yelped and jumped back as the bush dog bristled and snarled at him, suddenly sporting a drooling maw of shark-like teeth, and larger, more detailed eyes with red irises and pulsating veins.
"Told you!"
Horst gulped and backed away from the bloodthirsty canine that advanced towards him.
"Um…nice doggy, you wouldn't want to eat me." He scrambled to grab the dropped coconut shell. "Try coconut, it's more nutri-"
He screamed and jumped back as the bush dog grabbed it with his jaws and crushed it like it was salary.
"Frank preserve us!" Horst cried when he heard a roar and moved back as Mary Ann leaped over him and growled at the bush dog.
"Horst, can't I leave you alone for five minutes!" she lamented.
"Sorry, Mary Ann. He's disarmingly adorable." Horst cowered behind her.
Mary Ann turned back to the bush dog as the barked viciously at her, making her retort with a fierce roar while pawing the ground.
"Back off, mongrel!" she growled. "I don't want to hurt you."
"Is this a bad time to tell ya that I saw four of them on the ship?" Keke suddenly said, and the bush dog grew a wide, fang-filled grin as three others emerged from the bushes, encircling Mary Ann and Horst.
"You might want to run for your life." Mary Ann told her jittering husband when the first dog lunged at her, mouth wide open.
"Gotcha!" Horst ducked as Mary Ann smacked the dog away.
He ran for his life as the second bush dog jumped and bit onto the fossa's back while the third one chomped down on her muzzle, making her screech in pain, and the last one grabbed her tail.
The first dog got up and growled as he saw his lunch escaping. Horst screamed as the bush dog came bolting after him and made a sharp turn, causing the dog to slide across the floor before pursuing him.
Horst jumped and grabbed hold onto a branch, only to scream in agony as his tail felt like it was caught in a bear trap.
"Mary Ann!" he screamed while being pulled towards the ground.
"Busy!" the fossa lamented as she rolled around on the ground with two dogs latched onto her and the third one to her tail.
She managed to throw one off, slamming him into a tree, and pin the second one down under her paw, and while the third one clung on to her tail with a vice-like grip, but Mary Ann used it smack him around.
Keke facepalmed as she saw Horst clinging on for dear life while the first bush dog snarled and pulled on his tail.
"No! Nice doggy! Heel! Roll over!" Horst cried as he was losing his grip when Keke jumped onto the dog's head and pressed her joy buzzer into his snout, causing him to yelp and release Horst, who screamed as he was flung high into the air and landed in a patch of berries.
Snaping his jaws wildly, the bush dog spun around until Keke jumped off his back. Running on all fours and pursued by the enraged canine, she ran into a log and the dog followed, but struggled to push his larger frame through the hollowed trunk.
Keke stumbled out on the other end and shook her head, when the bush dog popped his head right behind her, biting down on and shaking what turned out to be an old, musty razor blade.
"Hey, I've been looking for this!" Keke beamed and yanked it out of his mouth. The dog growled and tried to push himself forward only to realize he was stuck.
"I'm okay…" Keke heard and saw a dazed Horst staggering out of the berry bushes, his dark gray fur smudged in red. "The berries cushioned my fall."
"Horst! Those are blood berries!" Mary Ann cried while being pinned on her back by the three other dogs, who instantly perked at the enticing scent and charged directly at Horst.
Screaming his head off, Horst panicked and proceeded to run in circles, pursued by the hungry pack, who were drooling and braking viciously.
Mary Ann pushed herself up when Keke logrolled in front of her, with the fourth dog's head sticking out from one end, foaming and snapping his jaws furiously.
"This might be a fun solution." The kinkajou suggested, holding on to the razor blade with her tail.
"No! Don't eat me, don't eat me! HELP!" Horst cried as the dogs chased him around in circles, when one of them was grabbed by the tail by Mary Ann.
Rearing up, she swung him around and threw him up. As he fell back down, Mary Ann lifted the log and the dog howled as he was batted across the jungle.
Elsewhere, Willie was taking a stroll when something fell into his arm.
Lifting his head up, the bush dog growled and foamed at the mouth before knocking the screaming Willie to the ground and mauling him.
Meanwhile, Horst ran into a dead end, and pressed himself against the boulder when the remaining two bush dogs cornered him, but a whistle prompted the canines to turn around.
They widened their eyes and squealed as one of them was batted away by the log. The other ducked but just as he was about to pounce on Mary Ann, she threw the log over him.
"You mangy chuchos bit off more than you can chew!" Keke laughed as she saw the remaining dog pick himself up, only to find Mary Ann lifting the log over her head and slamming it straight into him.
Keke casually waved goodbye as the bush dog squealed while logrolling down a hill.
The log plunged into the river, where it resurfaced and was swept away by the current, with the two dogs squirming on both ends, and the third one clinging on to it while a few piranhas clung on to him.
Mary Ann exhaled and plopped on her rump, exhausted.
"That was increíble! That's how you send bribones down the río!" Keke cheered, and so did Horst, who rushed in to embrace his wife.
"It sure was, I thought I was dog food for sure!"
Mary Ann smiled at him but her eyes suddenly widened.
"Horst, your tail?"
"What about it?" Horst looked over his shoulder, only to grimace at the sight of his tail now sporting several sharp twists.
"Is it supposed to bend like that?" Keke watched it with fascination.
"Oh, I'm sure it's nothing. It only hurts a little." Horst tried to downplay it when Keke walked over and lightly touched it.
Horst promptly gasped and recoiled in agonizing pain as the bent tip creaked while rocking back and forth.
"…never mind…call a doctor…" the cringing lemur said in a falsetto before falling over in Mary Ann's arms.
They didn't have time to clean Horst up as they dragged his unconscious husk back home, but if anyone in the kingdom knew the difference between real and fake blood, and didn't panic at the sight of it, it was Doctor S and Nurse Phantom. Fortunately for the odd family, only the malformed sifaka answered their house call.
Horst cried and bawled like a baby and Mary Ann had to squeeze his paw the entirely time while Nurse Phantom pushed his tail bones back into place and then bandaged up Horst's tail with tight wraps.
"Docthor Sthh had tah take care offa some patients at the chhh...chlinic…" Nurse Phantom explained before realizing something "…which probathly means we should prepare aghh casheth or twuh."
"That's perfectly fine with us." Mary Ann replied with complete sincerity.
"Will I be needing a casket too, nurse?" Horst asked meekly, not daring to move his bandaged tail.
"Don't be so childish, Horst." Mary Ann rolled her eyes. "Nobody has died from a broken tail before."
"Nohh, jus' donth put too muhhh preathure on yur tail an' you will bethhh fine…" Nurse Phantom explained.
"Phew…what a relief." Horst let out a big exhale in relief. "Uh? Do I get a lollipop after this?"
"Nuhh, we donth do thath…" Nurse Phantom shook his head "…the doc isth vewy serious 'bout dental hygiene."
Horst pouted and looked down when the door suddenly flew open. The three saw Keke rush in and close the door, pushing herself against it.
Sighing but not too surprised, Mary Ann walked over to her. "Lemme guess…Hector wasn't very receptive of your peace offering?"
Keke fiddled with her fingers. "Well…"
Grumbling, Hector had almost finished his latest match-stick statue when an unwanted visitor swung through the open window, demolishing the whole structure as she landed on the table.
"Hola, Mr. Hector!" Keke waved only to realize she was standing on the pile of matches, and the old lemur's furious expression told her she should have looked before she leaped.
"You!? What in Larry's pits do ya think you're doing!? It took me all day to build this!"
"My bad?" Keke chuckled sheepishly and hid her paws behind her back.
Hector was stewing and pointed at her. "I don't know why you feel the need to make every moment of my waking existence a living nightmare but-"
"Wait, wait. I came here to make peace. For real this time." Keke insisted and revealed the thing she was holding in her tail. "See? I found your razor blade."
The moment she showed it to him, the head twisted over and fell off, making Hector's jaw drop.
"Oppps?" Keke picked it up and tried to put the pieces back together. "Guess that chucho chewed it up bad?"
"That razor was given to me by my platoonmate, just before she was skewered by a million spears and then blown to smithereens! She was also my fiancée! And you broke it!?" Hector said angrily but by the time he had finished the sentence, Keke was long gone.
"KEKEEEE!?" he roared furiously.
Keke jumped as she and Mary Ann heard someone banging their fist against the door.
"I think I'll go to bed. Dulces sueños!" Keke excused herself and rushed into the bedroom.
"Good idea." Rubbing her forehead, Mary Ann opened the door and prepared herself for the verbal onslaught. Unsurprisingly, she was met with a very pissed-off black-and-white lemur.
"Good evening, Hector." Mary Ann started gingerly. "Umm…the beard suits you."
"Cut the crap, you know why I'm here!"
Mary Ann swallowed a lump and lowered her ears. "I can assure you, Keke had nothing but the best of intentions."
"You mean you and your idiot husband told her to make nice but that malicious hellion just used it as an excuse to pull off more hairbrained pranks!" Hector said harshly.
Mary Ann scowled a bit. "That's not true…well, mostly. She really did try-"
"Spare me the baloney, fossa!" Hector held his hand up. "I didn't come here to yell at you…not too much anyway, I actually came to help ya."
"Help me?" Mary Ann made a face.
"Yes. I may not like ya, or anyone else for that matter, but you two bozos have no obligation to burden yourselves babysitting that good-for-nothing hooligan. There are far more qualified people for that!"
He threw a brochure into the fossa's paws.
"Sargent Sifaka's School for Wayward Children?" Mary Ann read.
"You're welcome, fossa. Not like you or that drunkard bum could ever set her straight."
Humming irritably, Mary Ann threw the brochure over her shoulder. "I don't think that's necessary, Hector. And for the record, she's not a burden to us, and we're making progress with her."
Hector glowered and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Why am I not the least bit surprised? Who'd have thought I see the day where a freaking fossa is too soft to do what needs to be done."
"Too soft?"
"You heard me. Soft as a marshmallow! And here I thought that if you fossa had anything going for ya, it was your grit, your unrelenting savagery. But I guess our "brilliant" king did a number domesticating you!"
"Are you seriously now criticizing me for not acting like a normal fossa?" Mary Ann asked in disbelief.
"I wouldn't if you got rid of that spoiled brat and saved us all the headache." Hector retorted harshly and folded his arms. "But I see now that this is asking too much from the likes of you. You'd rather delude yourself some more and continue mollycoddling her, instead of doing what needs to be done! And for what? So you can keep pretending like you're one of us instead of a stinkin' fossa? You're pathetic."
Her temper flaring, Mary Ann couldn't stop herself. She unsheathed her claws and growled and barred her teeth at Hector, but the old lemur was utterly unfazed, and barked a bitter laugh.
"Spare me the theatrics, Mary Ann. That trick might work on the other idiots, but this old solider knows better. I know you're all growl and no bite."
"And how can you be so sure?" Mary Ann asked sardonically.
"You jokin'? It's been seven months since you decided to bum off our kingdom, and nothing has happened. If you hadn't gone soft you would have surely eaten some poor shmuck months ago. Or are you going to prove me wrong now?" Hector scoffed.
His response cowed Mary Ann but her frustrations came bubbling right back. It seemed that no matter what she did, someone found something to criticize about her.
"Thought so. The only danger you pose is by fostering misbehaved miscreants and giving loudmouthed idiots like Tammy incentive to make a scene. As I said…utterly pathetic!"
Hector wailed as he found himself flying high above the jungle, getting a loverly view of the moon and stars before plummeting back down, crashing through the canopy and landing headfirst into the jungle floor.
Yanking his head out of the soil, Hector spilled out copious amounts of dirt from his puffed-up cheeks before wiping his mouth, and shaking the leaves and branches off himself.
Okay, maybe that fossa still had some grit left in her.
"Rrrrr…you still owe me a new razor blade!" he yelled back and shook his fist before dusting himself and storming back to his hut, swinging his clenched fists back and forth.
"Lousy ruffed beard…" he ranted while pulling on his white beard "…lousy brat…lousy idiots letting her get away with lousy pranks. Lousy party boy king letting that lousy fossa live here."
He froze in his tracks as he heard an ominous chuckle, right above him. Even the grizzled old grouch couldn't help but feel a shiver run down his spine.
"Quite true. I'm not terribly fond of the mangosta race myself." a deep, smooth voice said and the petrified Hector slowly looked up to find a pair of yellow eyes looking down at him.
"Having them as vecinos isn't good for your health." Savio smiled hungrily.
Hector screamed as the boa struck at him, his unhinged jaw wide open.
Meanwhile…
The path leading up to Karl's home was imbedded with arrows, spinning blades were sticking out of the ground, a giant cinderblock attached to rope was lying in the middle of the path, and motion-triggered lasers stuck out from the canopy, with scorch marks visible everywhere in their vicinity.
"I won't be able to sit for weeks…I don't recall Karl's yard having all these booby traps last time I visited." Private whined while rubbing his crisp, smoking derrière.
Fortunately for them, the fanaloka hadn't returned home tonight, and getting past all the booby traps wasn't too difficult, especially for elite commandos such as the two of them, sans a few close calls. But trying to enter the place, that was another thing.
"He must have shut them off to lull you into a false sense of security, now let me concentrate." Kowalski said sternly as he was still trying to decipher the code that would grant them entrance, and unfortunately, Rico wasn't present to offer high explosives that could bypass that issue.
"Let's see…000 000 341."
"Access denied." Said a robotic voice for the umpteenth time.
"Confounded!" Kowalski slammed his flipper next to the keypad before calming himself and trying again.
The exasperated Private rolled his blue eyes. His little legs were staring to hurt as much as his singed bottom.
"Okay…how about 000 000 342!"
"Access denied."
"Kowalski, this is taking forever." Private urged him. "While you're trying to crack the code, innocents are being gobbled up-"
"There you are! Help! Help! For the love of Frank! There's been another…." The two jolted and tried to act nonchalant as Maurice suddenly ran up to them, having to pause and rest on his knees while catching his breath.
"What are ya doing at Karl's place?" the aye-aye raised an eyebrow, making the penguins nervous, but quickly dismissed it.
"Never mind! Not important now!" he grabbed Kowalski's flipper and dragged him along. "C'mon! You gotta come, there's been another attack!"
"Another attack? Oh, dear! We were too late!" Private said fearfully as he followed them.
Soon, police tape surrounded Ted and Dorothy's hut, which now sported a big hole on one wall, clearly the work of someone who broke in without caring to be discreet about it.
A shaken Maurice, along with several worried civilians, was standing just outside of the crime scene but weirdly, Xixi hadn't flown in to report on this event. Evidently, the man of the house wasn't at home and only Dorothy had been seen returning as the sun was setting.
Private was also outside, trying to interrogate one of the witnesses who said that they heard a blood-curdling scream and then found the demolished hut empty. Kowalski, meanwhile, was investigating the inside of the hut, using his magnifying glass to search for any clues.
"What do we have here?" he said with intrigue as he found several strands of crimson hair stuck to the window frame.
Carefully plucking them with a pair of tweezers, Kowalski wasted no time placing them inside an evidence bag, before holding it up and looking at it.
"At last, a breakthrough. The DNA shall reveal the culprit!" He said with narrowed eyes.
Finally, another chapter. It's a bit longer to make up for lost time. With only one day of Mary Ann's trial left, the story is coming close to the finish. Unfortunately, my old laptop went to shit and so I lost some of scenes that I had written in advance, including the interaction between Hector and Mary Ann at the end, as well as a potential stinger, so I'll have to redo them.
I originally planned to do the bit with the Mr. Chew-esque bush dogs when King Julien and Keke got lost in the jungle but didn't include it for pacing reasons, so I reinserted it here. Bush dogs are small, chonky canines found throughout the jungles and shrublands of Latin America, and they are indeed vicious little predators, with packs even occasionally being recorded chasing down 550 lb tapirs. They are also fond of water, so they are another neotropical species that could easily swim its way to an island.