Chapter 2: My ni-sans are the Impractical Jokers?
Dojima stumbled into his home, a profoundly unfamiliar sight to him. He dropped his empty bottle of sake, the loud sound of shattering glass frightened his daughter Nanako, thus reminding him of her existence.
"Nanako," Dojima cheered. This will likely be the only instance he smiles in this fanfic. "Amazing news!"
"Is mom coming back?" Nanako asked.
"No!" Dojima threw the door open a bit too hard. "These four Americans will be living with us for the rest of the year! For reasons."
Just then, the probably eight year old Nanako was frozen with fear as four foreigners, fourigners if you will, ramshackled her house.
"Say," Joe say'd. "You got a TV, Mr. Dojima-san?" Dojima was already gone. "...Alright, whatever. Hey, twerp! What's yer name again?"
"Umm, we haven't met yet." Said Nanako. "My mom named me Nanako, but my dad named m-"
"Oh snap! Look, we found a TV, dawg!" Said Prince Herb, who we will now refer to as Sal. Hopefully that doesn't confuse anyone!
Murr was already making himself at home, that is to say, by crossdressing. "Nanako, these clothes are way too small for me! No no no, these won't do at all!" He then promptly changed back in the bathroom and then quickly tossed Nanako's clothes in the trash.
"I'm here, too. Sometimes, I even get a line." Said Q who was being the least disruptive. "Someone has to have standards around here."
"Umm, you guys aren't what I was expecting…" said a clearly distressed and somewhat disappointed Nanako. It was true. Earlier, say, a few years ago when Dojima last saw Nanako, he was hyping up how a cousin was coming to stay with her. But this was all his classic drunken neglect that didn't mean much of anything. Hard to imagine how his inebriated slurs of a cousin coming to visit translated to four Americans dorming in one cramped room for a year, but here we are. "How are we related again?"
"Don't think about it too hard, the writers sure as hell didn't!" Joe quickly surmised whilst simultaneously calling us out. "Gatto-san, no relations." Fuck it. I want you to imagine this all in the animation of Detective Conan from here on out. "But you can call me 'Big G.', it's what my friends call me."
"No one calls you that." Said Murr, who I remind you looks like a Ferret and is bald.
"Shuddup, Murr." Big G slapped him aggressively in the back of his bald head.
"I'm not calling you that." Said Nanako.
"Well, look on the bright side, Kid! We won't be interacting a ton outside of this introductory chapter anyway! Now scram, Big G's gotta look into this Midnight Horror, or whatever it is them kids was talkin' about."