Chapter 3: Midnight Laughs
"Oh shit," Q said, "they just called the next chapter. Let's get a move on!"
Our four heroes gathered in their new room. Hang on, I have to make it rain for this to work. It started to rain. Good, good. Alright. It was raining now as I indicated and our four heroes gathered in their new room before the TV. Let's say it was a minute to midnight, too.
"Talk about a 50 cent transition." Said Murr. Don't ask, I don't get the joke either, even though I wrote it. "Can we finally focus on something that isn't a gag for a change?"
"Dude, do you KNOW what the name of our group is?" Sal said, which is true. Murr really ought to know what he got himself involved with, or rather, who.
Joe gasped, "Shh, it's startin', boys!"
As our 4 strapping fine lads tuned in to the crude CRT jutting out of the wall, they saw what appeared to be an out of focus silhouette of a woman on screen. It was difficult to make out specifics, partly because of the apparent fog in the frame but also partly because Joe smeared butter all over the monitor as a sick joke! "What? I was hungry!"
The girl laughed and said some ominous spooky dialogue. If I weren't such a fraud, I'd take the ample time I have to go look up the scene in question, but I've decided to freebase some cliche lines instead. Some include, but aren't limited to, "Won't you come play with me?", or, "I seeee youuuuu", and even, "You shouldn't have done that.". Then, as quickly as she appeared, she vanished before the TV seemingly lost signal again leaving them with nothing but static. Also, and we forgot to include this detail, Q unplugged the TV because he was bored.
"Insert quippy one liner here, fellas." Said Sal. A laugh track played, but that's not important right now. "Whose do yas think dat dame was?"
"You got me, gamers, but I bet she was hot!" Said Yosuke, who was also there.
"How long have you been there?" Murr reasonably questioned.
"Nevermind that now and the fact that I came in through the unlocked window, because we have to report this to Chie and Yukiko-chan tomorrow!"
And so, they did, but not before walking past a newly minted corpse adjacent to their daily route to school! Dojima was there because we forgot to mention he was a detective earlier, accompanied by the loveable loser Tohru Adachi, who is certainly nothing more than a red herring. I mean, Adachi was sick at the sight of a dead body, so he's clear in my books! …Huh? This isn't a murder mystery? Oh right, the Midnight Channel.
"...Anyway, as I was sayin', boys, that's how my belly saved us in the war." Joe said.
"We know, dude. We were there, fool!" Sal laughed so viciously that he toppled over to the ground, but not before he made sure to drag Murr and Q down with him.
"Seriously? Is that corpse one of your practical jokes, too?" Asked the delusional Yosuke who's still trying to convince himself this is all being recorded on a sound set.
"Yeah, sure, pal." Q nudged. "Guess you can say we knocked her DEAD at the comedy club!"
Just then, Q's whacky watch began to buzz! On the screen appeared Casey in his iconic sleek suit behind his expensive corporate desk, "Ten and two, boys. What's the word on the mission?"
Q promptly took off his watch and tossed it into the garbage, "I don't want to do that plotline." And so we dropped it in the trash with Casey.
"Now THAT'S what I call a red herring!" Yosuke said, desperately attempting to weave himself into the group, unspectacularly may I add.
…Meanwhile, back at class, Chie and Yukiko were discussing what they saw last night on the tube as the kids put it. I wouldn't know, I don't talk to kids.
"Yukiko, I could have sworn I saw a woman on the Midnight Channel…but it was hard to make out, what with the vaseline smeared on my display and all." Chie said in order to maintain continuity. "Does that make me gay?"
"Yeah, probably." Yukiko said. "I TOTALLY saw a man, definitely." She said rather unconvincingly. Acting is clearly well outside of her talents, alongside lying and my ability to write coherent stories, but I digress.
Just then, the debatably more important tertiary characters busted through the doors.
"WERE YOU GUYS TALKING ABOUT ME?" Yosuke shouted pathetically.
We'll spare you the obvious punchline to this misunderstanding.
"Stick to the plot, Yos-gay!" Chie spoke rather homophobically which we do not condone. "You saw her too, right? What does it mean, and in particular, what did she mean by 'Tohru Adachi is using his Persona to murder people by shoving them into televisions'? I can't make heads or tails of this!"
This is normally the part where an intelligent character would be able to solve the case, but we are duty bound to prolong the story indefinitely in order to facilitate jokes. Therefore, this obvious line will hereby be ignored until it is conveniently relevant again later. Thank you for understanding!
"You're welcome, hack writers!" Said Adachi who then made a mad dash before anyone could notice his blood stained loafers he didn't have the chance to wash yet.
"Yeah, you got me, bowlcut." Joe grimaced. "By all accounts, it really doesn't make sense, so until we have more information, let's just wait until the next rainy night to see if anything develops."
Murr then asked, "So, what are we supposed to do until then, Joe? I still can't read any of these textbooks that are part of the curriculum!"
Joe, the leader, then suggested. "We adapt, bud. Strap in, fellas. I get the feeling we're gonna be in Inaba for a long time…unless da ratings start to tank."
TO BE CONTINUED…in Chapter 4!