"Later Mom, have a good day." Noah said affectionately dropping a kiss on her cheek.
"Thanks honey. What's on for today?"
"Breakfast and we're looking for a suit for me. You said it was okay for Uncle Rafa to help me with that." He reminded her in case she reacted as she seemingly always did when it came to his favourite uncle these days.
"I did, and it is okay. I know how much you wanted him to and what it means to you. I appreciate that he asked you to ask me first." Olivia replied not wanting Noah to be on the defensive. Noah nodded. Both aware that was the nicest thing she'd said about Rafael in a really long time.
"Thank you. Seems only right that he helps me pick out my first suit. Aside from having impeccable taste, he has been there since I was baby. He's my godfather." He added as if to remind her.
She had not forgotten. It's not like Noah would ever let her to forget, which admittedly she needed and appreciated deep down.
They had not spoken since that last night at Forlini's. His efforts had ground to a halt after that evening. He had checked in at least once a week since he had left that first time after Drew, whether it be a text, email, calls or FaceTime she would hear from him.
Weekly FaceTime with Noah was a nonnegotiable, even if it were only for a few minutes. As Noah got older those FaceTime calls got longer. Sometimes they would be on FaceTime whilst one did homework and the other worked, sporadically conversing but ever present. Olivia had loved their bond, and she appreciated that Noah was always a priority. Whilst he was living away from New York he flew home for the big things and sometimes the little things. He came home for birthdays, dance or play debuts, one time he flew in just because Noah asked him to speak to his class.
Once he moved back to New York they had a standing once a week hang. Their phone calls became more regular and sure enough he was reinstated into Spaghetti nights. That was until Elliot returned. Even before he took on Wheatley Olivia's time was monopolised by her need to care for Elliot and his family. Rafael knew he was not in the position to raise questions. When he had taken Wheatley on he was humbled by how little their time weighed in comparison to the great Elliot Stabler. He took it by the chin and just remained present, even through her silence he persevered. That night at Forlini's, as he stood up she saw the utter defeat in his eyes. She wanted to stop him; she wanted him to know that she missed him too.
She knew that the ball was on her court, and she didn't do anything about it.
Years had passed and all she knew of him was the little Noah told her. She knew it was his way of protecting his Uncle Rafa. She knew he wanted her to ask him, and whilst she did want to more times than she could count, she couldn't bring herself to do it.
It wasn't a secret that Noah nor Lucy for that matter was not a fan of Elliot, and whilst it would be easy to blame it on them being Team Rafa, it was also because Elliot showed very little interest in Noah. His main focus was Olivia and rekindling their friendship in hopes for something more. Noah remained polite, answered any questions addressed to him but never initiated contact. First to excuse himself from the table as soon as he finished eating. Whilst she wanted Noah and Elliot to develop some sort of relationship, she didn't have it in her to force it.
"Papito, how do you look older when I literally saw you a few days ago?"
Olivia heard him ask. Rafael always collected and dropped off Noah at the door, never going in or standing within eye reach of anyone. A new normal they had grown accustomed to after he took on Wheatley. She knew it was his way of respecting the boundaries and fortress she built around herself. Rafael whilst hurt, remained grateful that access to Noah and vice versa was never compromised. He knew that was more for Noah than for him, but he appreciated it all the same.
"Uncle Rafa, you always say that." Noah replied chuckling with notable affection as he greeted Rafael with a hug.
"Well stop growing like a weed and I'll stop. You got everything? Keys, phone, inhaler colour swatch of your graduation gown?"
"Yep, it's in my bag,"
"Perfect. Let's go." Noah pulled the door closed as he began to tell Rafael about which part of the book he ended reading up after they hung up the night before. Rafael and Noah had transitioned from Rafael reading to him to reading the same books together and discussing it instead. Though when Noah was unwell, or just needed comfort, Rafael still offered to read to him and each time Noah would accept. Olivia could hear their conversation grow faint as they headed to the elevator. She had stood by the door listening as she locked the door after Noah.
She missed him. She missed them. She missed what they were, and perhaps what could have been. So much time had passed that she didn't quite know how to correct it. Or why the contempt she felt was so strong at the time she felt it.
Rafael and Noah had breakfast at one of their favourite spots. At a diner they had been going to for as long as he could remember. Rafael was so wrapped up in what Noah was saying that he didn't realise that someone was watching him intently. Noah smirked. It was often that Rafael would catch the attention of both women and men, however it was rare if ever did he ever clock it.
"Uncle Rafa, at your 9 o'clock some lady is staring at you with heart eyes." Rafael almost choked on his sip of coffee.
"Papito, can you save those lines for when I am not halfway through consuming a hot beverage?" He replied with an eye roll not bothering to look at the direction Noah had indicated to.
"Were you always this oblivious?" Noah asked. Though he suspected Rafael's feelings for his mother had made him blind to anyone else's interest.
"We weren't all born beautiful," Rafael asked sarcastically.
"You know, if you're not dating because you think I'd be weird about it I won't be." Rafael leaned back on his seat.
"Noah, why is this important to you right now?"
"I just don't want you to end up alone, that's all. You deserve to be happy with someone."
"Hey, I am happy."
"You know what I mean."
"I do, and I appreciate it. But, why now?"
"With the way things are with you and Mom, I guess I don't want you to just wait. You know?'
"Honey, I'm not waiting." Rafael began and stopped as Noah looked right at him,
"Okay, anymore. I have made peace with that ship sailing, if it were even ever seaworthy. I will always love your mom, but I am no longer deluding myself that one day we would get it right, that she does feel or ever felt that way about me. I am okay with that. I just haven't encountered anyone else that has made me feel that way you know. And maybe it is because I am too scared at the idea of ever letting anyone in like that again, but I guess if I have waited so long for that one in a million, I may as well wait. If she comes along great, if not. I'm happy. I am content. It's not to say I'm not going to go on an odd date here or there if a promising moment presents itself, right now. No one's really sparked my interest, you know?" Noah nodded.
"I just don't want you to be alone."
"I'm not alone. I have people I love, who love me. I make the most of what and who I have in my life but thank you for caring that much."
Much to Rafael's relief, Noah shifted the topic to his dance class and wanting to take a theatre course over the summer. All of which Rafael was more than supportive about. He knew he was partially responsible for Noah's growing love for musical theatre. After Noah had showed some interest at a young age he made it his mission to immerse him in all facets of musical theatre. Local and Broadway.
After breakfast they had gone to Rafael's tailor to have Noah measured and talk about what kind of suit he would like.
"Uncle Rafa, you didn't have to get one made for me. I just thought we were shopping for one."
"As your godfather, I insist. A good suit can last you years. Every time you grow he can alter it until you've outgrown it, to which we will have a new one made for you."
"Thank you,"
"Of course Papito."
Once measurements were done, they had picked out a tie that would compliment the colour of his gown. Noah worked extremely hard in his studies, and he was on the honour roll which made them all incredibly proud.
"I have yours and Abuela's tickets to my graduation. Lucy wants to sit with you guys. She asked specifically." Noah said. Rafael felt bad that Noah had to circumnavigate his graduation to avoid drama, but he appreciated that he wouldn't have to be in Elliot Stabler's eye line. Without asking, he knew Elliot would be there, along with Sonny, Amanda, their kids, Fin, Phoebe, Conor and his parents.
"Thanks Kiddo, as long as your Mom isn't going to be upset by that. Lucy is your family."
"Lucy's your family too, and you're my family. Uncle Sonny would be sitting with you if he had a say in it." Noah pointed out.
"You better believe he will be sitting as far away from Elliot as possible." He added.
Sonny and Amanda, who remained somewhat impartial during the whole Wheatley debacle never stepped away from their friendship. In fact, when Olivia evidently tapped out, they tapped in. He was Uncle Rafa to their children, and whilst he didn't see them almost as much as Noah, they saw him often enough to adore and be spoilt by him. Sonny remained a mentee whilst Amanda was like a younger sister than often tapped into his legal background especially after she stepped into academia.
Rafael had also been on the receiving end of their growing frustration over the holier than thou Elliot Stabler and how he poisoned their once cohesive well.
Rafael had dropped Noah back home just before lunch aware that Olivia had the day off therefore would appreciate the time with Noah. On the Saturdays she was working, he would take Noah for the day and at times have him sleepover to relieve Lucy from babysitting, allowing her some time for social times with her friends.
"Mom, I'm home." He called out as he closed the door behind him after giving Rafael a huge hug goodbye.
"In the kitchen Hun," she called back. Noah took his jacket off and headed towards the kitchen.
"How did you go?"
"It was," Noah stopped as his eyes landed on Elliot sitting at their kitchen counter.
"Good." He eventually finished. It was hard to miss the sudden change of his demeanour at the sight of Elliot. It tugged at her heart how immediately he shut down before her.
"Hey bud." Elliot greeted with far more affection that he had any right to.
"Hi Mr Stabler," he answered politely. He vowed never to refer to him as an uncle.
"Your Mom and I thought we would take you out for lunch. Your choice."
"That sounds great. Is it okay if I put away my things away first?" Olivia saw right through that request. She knew he was going to use that time to generate as much politeness as he could to endure lunch. Elliot, with no awareness at all, did not notice anything a miss.
"Of course, honey,"
She had been hoping for some quality time with Noah. She was well aware that Rafael dropped him off earlier so she could, but Elliot had turned up at her doorstep unannounced as he often did. As though he conveniently forgot that she now had a child that she wanted to spend as much time as possible with. She was hoping to get rid of him before Noah arrived back knowing that Elliot was not a Noah Porter Benson favourite at all. At the same time, she hoped that the more time they spent together, that they would somewhat bond. A hope lost at the sight of the light that dimmed from Noah's eyes at the mere mention of Elliot, let along being in his presence.
It wasn't lost on Olivia that Noah's choice of lunch wasn't at any of his favourite places, or places she knew he loved to go to with Rafael. He had chosen a pizza place that Elliot brought to their house every time he brought food over, deducing Elliot obviously enjoyed it, which please Elliot, but Olivia knew her child better than that. She knew Noah didn't pick it to please him, but so he wouldn't infiltrate places that meant something to him.
Once they got home Elliot had made no move to leave so Noah had excused himself by saying that he had to finish off assignments as he may not have time the following day because of he had a couple of classes on. Olivia suspected he would be on the phone with Rafael or Connor for the rest of the evening. When Elliot finally left Olivia headed towards Noah's room and she could hear him on the phone.
"I'd rather sit with Rafa at your graduation." She heard Conor say to Noah.
"That Elliot guy gives the worst bully vibes."
"I know, but Rafa is already feeling bad that Lucy wants to sit with him and he thinks it may hurt my Mom's feelings, but it's not about her but who she keeps bringing to the table."
"Doesn't she realise?"
"It's hard. I know she feels torn. He's her best friend. She refers to him as her partner and has been for over 2 decades blah blah."
"Wait, I thought he only reappeared a couple of years ago?"
"Yes, but I don't think she quite counts the absence?"
"We would probably be less of a hit than Lucy though," Conor tried to reason,
"Not that I don't love your Mom, you know I think she's the greatest." He quickly added.
"I know, whilst yes, you're also my brother. It's just complicated."
"It's only for the ceremony though, just sit with Uncle Sonny who will be at the opposite end of where Elliot will be."
"But he will be at your graduation dinner, but not Rafa? That sucks."
"It sure does. But it is what it is. At least I'm allowed to do graduation dinner with him. I was anticipating that to be a fight."
"Well if he isn't invited to your graduation dinner, he should be allowed to celebrate with you another time. He's been there since you were a baby, and the first thing you talked about when we first met was Rafa. For awhile there I thought he was your dad."
"He is my Dad. In the most important ways, he is my Dad. I may not call him that, but I don't think I need to. In the same way, I don't really need him to call me son. As nice as it might sound sometimes you know."
Olivia felt the tear that fell down her cheek as she heard the sadness in Noah's voice. How he was willing to take a hit on his special day to reduce any risk of conflict that would make life harder for her. He certainly had enough Rafael Barba in him that no blood was ever required to know, Rafael and Noah in the most important ways chose to be father and son, against the odds they were presented.
In the last couple of years, she was at the very centre of the odd that kept them apart. Despite it all, Rafael and Noah did everything in their power to make things easier for her. Olivia sunk to the floor outside Noah's door in despair.
After a few minutes, she got up to clean up the kitchen knowing that Noah will eventually look for her once he realised that he could no longer hear Elliot's voice.
Olivia leaned against her kitchen counter with her phone in her hand.
"Rafa," she found herself whispering as she pressed send.
Rafael stilled mid-sentence as he saw her name pop up on his phone screen.
"Are you okay?" He answered instinctively before he could stop himself. Worried it could be about Noah, but admittedly he was worried about her. After almost over a year of radio silence, there had to be a reason as to why she was messaging.
"Is Noah okay?" Another message quickly followed.
"Noah is okay, Rafa. I'm sorry."
"Okay," he replied not sure exactly what response she was expecting or what her apology meant. What she was apologising for.
"I am so sorry for all of it."
"Okay," he repeated.
"Can we talk?"
"You name the time and place." He replied evenly, not letting his emotions betray his voice.
"Tomorrow morning, after I drop Noah off at his workshop? Or after Brunch with Mami? Diner?" She suggested.
"Tomorrow after drop off is fine."
"I'll see you then."
"See you then." He agreed. Olivia could hear how guarded he has, she did that. Despite the guard he had up, he was still gentle, he was still Rafa.