Harry Potter and the very bad idea.
By An Orc
Because Deathly Hallows has some stupid plot twists. It deserves another one.
Harry Potter, knelt next to a dying Severus Snape in the Shrieking Shack. He'd captured all the memories the man had died handing over., and now was just covered in blood.
…
"I'm a – a – Horcrux" said Harry, looking at Dumbledore's Pensive they'd all just exited. "Well, that solves my worries about why I wasn't trained properly. Why Dumbledore was so bloody vague." He exhaled, and took a deep breath then exhaled again slowly.
Hermione eyed him "Harry what are you doing?" she asked.
"I'm trying to take deep, calming breaths" said Harry, his voice strained, his hands clenched into shaking fists "It's a bit of a first time for me, and it's not working too well."
"Um" said Hermione eloquently.
Ron sighed and put an arm around Harry's shoulders. "Harry" he said, and started dragging Harry across the Headmasters' office "We need to have a talk. A very serious talk. A talk, Hermione that is man to man and not, with our best friend listening."
Ron pulled Harry down onto the spiral staircase and it descended, dropping them outside the Headmasters office entrance.
"Ron," said Harry quietly, "If you start confessing your undying love for me, I'm going to lose it, hex you, probably lethally and go see Tommy Boy with a plan that consists of … go and die."
"Don't be bloody silly mate!" said Ron "I was thinking you could um… go grab my sister and um… show her the inside of a broom closet. Before you die an' all," said Ron, blinking away tears.
"Ron…" said Harry "Isn't she seeing Dean or is it Michael?"
"Look mate, the second you express any interest in my sister to her, she'll drop them like hot potatoes. And considering what you have to do. There's no way my sister' would turn you down."
"Ron you're basically pimping your sister, and you haven't talked to her in hours. And then only for seconds. We've been on the run. Peoples feelings change."
"You spent the entire year looking at a dot on the map that said Ginny Weasley." said Ron. "You are stuck on her."
"She's dated other blokes," said Harry angrily.
"To make you jealous mostly" said Ron.
"Well it bloody worked!" said Harry angrily.
It's good to know you're not perfect," said Ron, "Come on, I'm off to pimp my sister."
With the Marauders map, it was easy to find Ginny; she wasn't on it, so they went to the Room Of Requirement.
Ginny was in there, organising people. Well, yelling and pointing like a giant quidditch training session, only it was the DA preparing for war.
"Gin," said Ron, "You and Harry need to have a private talk right now."
Ginny rolled her eyes and went to a small side door in the room and opened it into a spacious school bathroom. "Over here" she said.
Harry went in and leaned against a sink. Ginny came in and shut the door behind her.
"We know how to beat him now" said Harry. "The Snake needs to die, and it's really hard to kill, but there's one other thing"
"What?" asked Ginny seriously.
"Voldemort… he split his soul up, put bits in things to stay alive. The diary was his first, but he made more. We've got all of them except the snake. Well… we thought so. Snape turns out he was working for us all along. He … Dumbledore told him a few important bits he didn't tell me."
"Get to the point Harry" said Ginny crossly.
"There's one more, it's in my scar" said Harry "So I've going to take up Tom's challenge... and let him kill me. That'll kill the horcrux."
"And you'll die" said Ginny "And you told me why?" She looked paler all of a sudden.
"Well, Ron thought … seeing as how I'm about to die?" said Harry "I still love you Ginny… I just… I'm going to die at dawn."
"Ron thought I'd drop my knickers for you?" asked Ginny, sarcastically.
Harry blushed.
"There's one tiny insignificant problem with that Harry" said Ginny coldly "You've got a bit of HIM in your head. How can I tell if what I feel for you is real, or just …. left-overs from Tom controlling me in first year. Before you told me that… I was about to jump on you. Now… go and die Harry. If you came back sans-Voldemort, well, I expect I'd be dragging You off to check how many times the chosen one can manage to bonk me in one day. As you're currently infected with the soul of the person I hate most in the entire universe, piss off. I think I'm going to vomit" Then, she turned to a sink, and did.
Harry left the bathroom and Ron blinked "Blimey that was quick" he said.
"Ginny threw up" said Harry curtly.
"Don't put it in so far," said Ron, nodding. "Beginners mistake."
Harry went red in the face. "Ron" he said slowly "Never… ever imply that you and … just fucking not," said Harry, shuddering.
"There's no need to be rude" said Ron, being prickly.
"Ron" said Harry "I'm about to go and get killed. Don't make my last hours any worse than… your last terrible idea."
"Well… maybe one of Hufflepuff girls?" asked Ron.
"Ron" said Harry sharply "Shut the fuck up. I need a better way to get rid of a soul."
"Kiss a Dementor" suggest Zach Smith, walking past, and just butting in.
Harry considered that for a moment "No, they're working for him now" he said, wanting to hex Zach so very badly. "If only there was something that took souls that wasn't a Dementor."
"Oh like a demon from the pits of hell?" asked a passing Luna Lovegood, looking quite battered. "They take souls as payment for wishes. Only a complete moron would do that. Don't be a moron Harry" she said sternly and rather coldly. He was reminded that Luna was firstly, a Ravenclaw, and secondly, pretty irritated (for her). She didn't really have the sweetest temper all the time. Being imprisoned and tortured seemed to have made her less… cheerful. Harry sighed, who was he kidding, he was a complete wanker to his friends a lot of the time, and had… accidentally killed his godfather Sirius…. Suddenly, like a last-ditch quidditch play, he had an idea.
"Ron!" he shouted "Library, restricted section. Get Hermione" he said, and threw Ron the Marauders map, dashing for the exit of the Room of Requirement before Ron could even say "Oh crap" at the thought of a new improvised plan from Harry's exhausted brain.
Harry pulled on his invisibility cloak and went down to the library, reenacting his first foray into gathering controlled knowledge.
Harry looked for a book with a title like 'Demon summoning basics'.
Eventually he found a big, black and red book locked in a form-fitting riveted metal cage on a lectern, with a massive padlock. The title was something about demons. 'De Re Diabolica' And the book was snarling. Harry felt a moment's affection for his old Monster book of monsters. This bloody book, scaly and leathery, had teeth… all fangs.
Harry tried various sensible choices of unlocking spells, and nothing worked.
Harry inspected the padlock very carefully, checking if a tiny snake was perhaps scratched into it. It was not marked with a tiny carved snake.
By the noise behind him, Ron and Hermione had arrived. They dropped their disillusionment and Hermione asked "What's your hair-brained idea?"
"We summon a demon, and pay with the bit of Voldemorts' soul." said Harry "I'll bet Demons are perfectly capable of undoing Horcruxes."
"Harry" said Hermione in a patient, 'why do I even hang around with you two idiots voice', "If you could sell other people's souls to demons, then Voldemort would have used them to make himself supremely powerful."
"Um" said Harry "He is supremely powerful. We've no proof he didn't do this already. I also think that having part of the soul… in my head will help. Like I've got a signed blank cheque. He wasn't expecting to make me into a Horcrux. I don't think he even knows he has. He never notices when we destroy them."
"This" said Hermione "Is the worst idea you've ever had."
"No" said Harry "Walking to my death is the worst idea, and that's my backup plan."
Hermione stopped talking, and looked at the book "There's no way you're getting that open. It's in Hogwarts a History. They threw the key through the veil of death in the nineteen-fifties."
Ron patted Hermione on the back "And your obsession with that book pays off again." he said.
Harry took his wand and tried firing a cutting curse at the padlock. It zinged off and disappeared into the spaces above the bookshelves. The padlock was undamaged.
Harry had an idea, smiled, and Ron whimpered "He's had an even worse idea" said Ron, face turned down.
"Ron, you hold the padlock still, and I'll hit it with a gouging curse" said Harry.
Hermione sighed and cast a silent charm on the padlock, causing it to float at a better angle for cursing.
"What's that spell?" asked Ron.
"It's pronounced Wingardium VeviOhSa" said Hermione blandly.
"Right" said Ron "Harry, rather than risk having my hand amputated… just take the shot."
Harry cast a gouging curse on the padlock, and… a tiny scratch formed.
"This is going to take forever" said Hermione.
"No, it won't" said Harry "I have another idea."
Ron started bashing his head against the nearest bookshelf. "Should" bash "Have" bash "Been" bash "Friends" bash "With" bash "Malfoy" said Ron, alternating words with hitting his head on the shelf.
Harry cast three gouging curses in quick succession, leaving a long, s-shaped scratch on the padlock
Harry knelt by the padlock and stared intently at it and hissed "$Open$."
The padlock clicked open. And Hermione fainted.
Ron stopped giving himself concussion to pick Hermione's head up and hold her hands "Hermione, please wake up" he asked.
Harry started prying open the extremely stiff cage around the book.
Hermione's eyes fluttered open "Oh Ron" she said, looking at Ron dazedly "I had the worst nightmare that Harry just opened an un-openable lock by scratching an S on it and hissing at it.
Ron seized the moment, and leaned forward and kissed Hermione on the lips quickly "He did" said Ron "But… it's a better plan than Harry just going and dying"
Hermione sniffled "The world has gone mad" she said.
Ron kissed her again.
"Oy" said Hermione "Stop kissing me" she sat up "You're exploiting my weakened state."
"No" said Ron" I'm just doing what I should have back in fourth year"
Hermione burst into tears at that.
"Bloody Hell!" exclaimed Ron "She should be pleased!"
"I think" said Harry, still trying to lift the metal cage off the book "She's overcome with emotion. Also… she's probably going to hex you later."
"You going to hex me later?" Ron asked Hermione, whose hair covered her face, and she shook her head.
"She's not going to hex me later" said Ron cheerfully, dropped Hermione , whose head hit the floor with a thud, and he stood up and pulled up on the metal book-cover. It groaned and with two people pulling, opened enough for the book to dart out and latch it's fangs onto Ron's elbow, which started to spurt blood.
"Bloody Hell!" said Ron. "It bit me!"
Harry tried stroking the spine, and it took an awfully long time for the book to let Ron's elbow go. So long that Hermione had stood, and cast a charm on Ron's elbow.
"Well" said Harry, "No time like the present" and he opened the book.
Harry read, Hermione pushing in to read, Harry having to look over her hair to see the book. The instructions were childishly simple.
"Seems awfully simple" said Hermione dismissively.
"Basic demon summing in the first chapter. You'd expect it to be simple" said Harry "I expect the hard stuff's at the back of the book. You can read that later."
"We'll need salt… some tall candlesticks… blood, and a soul" said Hermione, running her finger down the text.
"Defence classroom office," said Ron.
"We'll need a stone floor in contact with the earth" said Hermione "One of the disused dungeon rooms."
"In Slytherin territory" said Harry.
"Disillusioned" said Hermione. "We'll set up a standard set of charms to keep it private once we're in place."
"I'll get the salt from the kitchen" said Harry "Ron. You get the candlesticks."
"And I'm doing what?" asked Hermione.
"Spelling up a convincing fake book" said Harry "Then lock it back in. Then get down to... the second room on the right."
"Why there?" asked Ron.
"Because… otherwise we'll be wandering around like Gryffindors on a Horcrux hunt" said Harry. Hermione snorted.
Harry walked quickly down the stairs, his cloak covering him well, and soon tickled the pear to get into the kitchen.
"I'd like a bowl of salt," said Harry.
A sickly looking house elf handed Harry a mixing bowl of salt.
"Don't eat it all, you'll be sick," they advised.
Harry nodded, and left.
Ron had somehow got there first, with a pile of five foot tall candlesticks with candles.
Hermione arrived in time for Ron to be explaining that Hermione was totally not like a sister to him, and blush. Harry wanted to be sick. Maybe if he ate some salt?
Hermione decided the salt was all needed to mark out the circle and pentagram.
The Candlestick went in the points, and Ron lit them with the deluminator.
"It's also a lighter. Neat!" Ron observed "Much less useless that I thought."
"Harry, you sit in that triangle there, and Ron and I stay outside the circle even if something bad happens." she said firmly.
Harry sat where he was bidden.
"Sure" said Ron.
Hermione read out a lot of Latin, that started to sound quite like gibberish, then a song, then, the words changed and it stopped sounding like Latin, or even Hermione's voice.
A grey wisp appeared in the centre of the pentagram, and ever so slowly, filled the space there with grey fog. A dark figure appeared in the grey fog, much like a half-seen shadow on a dark night.
A deep bass voice that was like Kingsley Shacklebolt, if he smoked a packet of cigarettes with every meal said "Greetings Mortals."
"We're interested in selling a soul" said Hermione.
The deep voice said "We don't accept brokerage trades."
"I'll be selling the soul in my scar" said Harry "In exchange for which, I want Sirius Black back from the land of the dead."
"You want someone back." said the Demon "That can't be done."
"He fell through the veil of death two years ago" said Harry urgently.
"Oh… well, that is a special case" said the demonic voice, and it chuckled in a way that seemed a bit boding, really.
"Do we have a deal?" asked Harry urgently "Otherwise you can bugger off".
"We have a deal" said the Demon "Lean closer ... mortal."
"Harry, don't enter the space the demon is contained in" said Hermione urgently.
"I'm not an idiot Hermione" said Harry, carefully leaning forward till his forehead was on the line.
The Demon must have reached forward in the grey mist, as a clawed hand was visible, dragging something black and fluttery like a fragment of a dementors cloak out of Harry's skull, with a noise a lot like the sound of spell-o-tape being pulled off the roll.
"This isn't complete" said the Demon.
"Is that a problem for you?" asked Harry.
"Not really." said the Demon "Don't try that again. We don't ever accept brokerage trades."
Harry leaned back and nodded "Now, one Sirius Black?" he asked.
The Demon chuckled "I can only leave him in here. Pleasure doing business" they rasped and faded away, the mist clearing on an empty space, marked out with salt.
"Bugger" said Harry "I'd hoped they'd keep their word"
With a thud, Sirius Black fell from quite high up onto the centre of pentacle. "Ugh!" he groaned.
"This could be a trick" said Hermione.
"As him something only Sirius could know" said Harry, feeling odd. All floaty and light. And… like his forehead was wet. He reached up, and touched a wet forehead. He looked at his fingers. Blood. Scar was bleeding again. But… no headache, not even a low-level twinge.
"Harry," said Sirius Black from the pentacle, "Is this is a practical joke, you've put far too much effort in."
Harry waved to Hermione. "Hermione!" he asked.
He turned his head and Hermione was looking oddly at Sirius.
"We just sold you-know-who's soul to a Demon for Sirius Black back from the land of the dead" said Hermione. "This… your plan actually worked Harry!"
Sirius rolled over and lay on his back "Hermione. Stop the prank" he said firmly. "A daydream charm to make me think I went to the ministry, then stunning…. Where are we?"
"Hogwarts," said Ron "The Death eaters are about to attack and Harry's had a … brilliant idea and saved a lot of work."
"That sounds like Sirius" said Hermione. "Sirius, what loving words did your mother have for me?"
"Mudblood scum," said Sirius "A noxious painting of a noxious woman."
With that Hermione kicked a gap in the salt circle "Harry, Sirius you can get out" she said.
"Hermione" said Sirius "I'm still a wanted criminal."
"No you're dead," said Harry, "Died two years ago."
Sirius hugged Harry "Can a dead man do this?" he asked then kissed Harry on both cheeks "And you're officially my favourite godson."
"I'm your only godson," retorted Harry, who must have got salt in his eyes because he was crying as he hugged Sirius. Hermione poked Harry's bleeding scar with her wand, and it stopped bleeding.
"Excuse me," said a cultured girls voice "Much as I don't want to break up a touching family reunion."
Harry looked around, and a blonde girl in school robes dropped her disillusionment and appeared, hand under her chin. "I just found out I'm about the become unbelievably wealthy and politically powerful, and I'd just like to thank you all for bringing it about" she said, waving her right hand, and smiled, showing dimples on her cheeks.
"Yer what?" asked Ron, drawing his wand.
"Weasley," she said "Do any of you know what the current penalty for dealing with demons is?"
Everyone shrugged except Sirius, who said "I vaguely recall mother mentioned it's… Azkaban, I think."
"So in return for not dobbing you three heroes and your… un-deceased mass murderer in" said the girl waving one hand dismissively "All I want is… a hefty share of the Black family fortune, the Potter family fortune and… well you two are poor" she said, pointing at Ron and Hermione "So endless favours. I expect in the post-war ruckus you three will come up smelling of roses, and Potter will no doubt be given the equivalent of a thousand points. Probably an order of Merlin, First class."
"I'm not going back to Azkaban," said Sirius, drawing his wand.
"My name is Daphne Greengrass, and I am a member of the Sacred Twenty-eight. You can't just obliviate me and send me on my way!" she said, with a quaver.
"Hermione, do her," said Ron bluntly.
"Granger!" cried Greengrass as Hermione's wand came up. "I was never mean to you in class. Doesn't that count for anything!" she pleaded.
Hermione flicked her wand threes time and Greengrass's arms and legs snapped straight, her eyes closed and she stuck to the wall behind her.
"That," said Sirius "is disturbingly much like seeing my relatives dealing with people they don't like. Stunned, fully body bound, banished, and sticking charmed to the wall?"
"It's good isn't it" said Hermione, grinning toothily.
"Bloody terrifying" muttered Ron.
"Well, I should sneak home before I get arrested." said Sirius "What did Ron mean, do her?"
"Oh, obliviate and implant false memories" said Ron "She did her parents, sent them to Australia under fake names."
"To keep then safe!" said Hermione shrilly. "Death eaters were certainly going to target my parents."
"What about blondie?" said Harry.
"Wipe the last hour, give her a memory of eating cake or something," said Ron dismissively.
Sirius cast a spell, and looked thoughtful. "Nobody else is hiding in here." he said, and cast the spell on the door, and squinted.
"Someone's hiding outside the door," said Sirius "Clever girl. She has backup. Almost certainly disillusioned too."
Ron went over to the door and found a pink fake ear jammed in the large gap under the door.
"We're being overheard" said Ron "Someone's using an extendable ear."
"Buggering bloody bollocks" said Sirius. "Hermione, wake her up and let her down."
Daphne Greengrass relaxed off the wall, pushed her hair behind her ears and stood up straight. "So, some vows?" she asked.
Sirius nodded "You're a very Slytherin young lady, you know that" said Sirius.
Daphne Greengrass smiled briefly. Harry felt her smile was a bit like a knife.
"Kreacher!" Sirius said and the decrepit old house-elf appeared with a pop.
"Bad Master?" croaked Kreacher "But... you died."
"And Harry and friends brought me back. Especially Hermione Granger. Now, Kreacher, fetch Aunt Elladora's rings. And be quick about it." said Sirius.
"Rings?" asked Harry.
Daphne Greengrass paled "You… you would wouldn't you?" she said, staring at Sirius.
"Please Miss Greengrass, you'd get all the money and all the control. We just need a fig-leaf to hide under" said Sirius. "Ron, Harry, Hermione… clean this up. Leave nothing behind."
Harry and Ron started vanishing salt, while Hermione cast some tricky spells on the tall candlesticks, melting them into bedspreads.
"Bedspreads?" asked Daphne Greengrass.
"Candlewick's" said Hermione. "One step."
"That's outrageous" said Daphne, and picked up a bedspread, and folded it "Not bad, for someone who didn't do seventh year" she said.
Hermione cast packing charms on the bedspreads, turning them into a neatly folded pile.
"Well, you'll make someone a great housekeeper one day" said Daphne Greengrass.
Kreacher reappeared presently with a jewellery box, which Sirius opened and took out a large ring from, and handed to Harry "Harry, give this to Miss Greengrass. It'll keep her from telling anyone and ensure she gets paid off."
"What one ring can do all that?" asked Harry. It had a large purple stone.
"There are some magic words involved" said Greengrass drily.
"Harry No!" said Ron "My sister!"
"Your sister suggested I go and die, Ron. Then threw up, from talking about my medical condition. The one we just fixed. Not a big fan of old Tommy, your sister." said Harry.
"Harry, say 'Daphne Greengrass, will you marry me?'" said Sirius "It's the quickest way to get the whole thing sorted, and you needn't worry, nobody expects either party to either love or be faithful."
"Like the French then?" asked Harry.
Greengrass snorted and Hermione looked pink in the face.
Harry held out the ring … which was a large gold thing with a shiny purple stone on it. "Daphne Greengrass will you marry me?"
"He does still have to fight you-know-who and win," said Ron, "So it's not that bad a deal really."
"Ron!" said Harry "I'm about to go out for something much bigger than school quidditch, you're not helping me get my head in the game."
"Yes, to marrying me," said Daphne Greengrass, "I provisionally accept. My family will insist on an heir for the Greengrass family, as I'm the eldest."
Sirius inhaled sharply. "Shit" he cursed "Should have recognised the name. Should have learnt the names" he muttered to himself.
"Uh Sirius? What do I do?" asked Harry, nervously.
"Say 'The provisions are acceptable to the house of Black,'" said Sirius. "I've died, so I'm out of the succession."
"The uh, The provisions are acceptable to the house of Black and the house of Potter," said Harry.
Daphne picked the ring from Harry's sweaty fingers and put it on her left ring finger, and admired it. The stone slowly glowed purple, then faded.
"Well, welcome aboard," said Sirius. "Standard house controls apply, you can't testify against family on pain of … well don't do it."
"The ring is cursed?" asked Daphne Greengrass, tugging at it. It didn't come off.
"Aunt Elladora was many things, and the family appreciated her not rampaging about," said Sirius.
"Kreacher" said Hermione "Take these bedspreads to Grimmauld… oh. It got invaded didn't it."
"Kreacher?" asked Sirius "Did we have unwanted guests?"
"Two Master. They're in the dungeon." croaked Kreacher.
"Have you been feeding them?" asked Sirius.
"No" croaked Kreacher. "Master did not tell me to."
"Get rid of the dead death-eaters. Dump them at the ministry." said Sirius, pinching the bridge of his nose "But wait till tomorrow to do that."
Kreacher nodded.
"We should go back to you-know-where and get organised" said Harry, who looked over at Greengrass, who was looking at her ring, holding it up to the witchlight. "Is this Amethyst?" she asked.
"Yes" said Sirius "So sorry, but you're teetotal from now on. Well mostly. Mother said Aunt Elladora would just drink a bottle of firewhiskey to get squiffy."
"It's magic?" asked Hermione.
"Aunt Elladora, great-great-great-aunt Elladora never married but was... a character by My family's standards" said Sirius "Keeping her mostly sober at family get-togethers kept the peace. And... well she had a temper problem. By Black family standards. The same family that raised Bellatrix LeStrange."
"Wow" said Harry.
"She started the tradition of beheading house-elves and mounting their heads" explained Sirius.
"Ew" said Greengrass "That's disgusting, and unacceptable."
"Yes Mistress" croaked Kreacher.
"Take the bedding and clean the place out" said Sirius "Oh, and try to stop the death eaters."
"Can Kreacher use the Hogwarts house elves?" asked Kreacher.
"Oh course" said Sirius lightly and Kreacher vanished.
Harry gave Sirius the cloak "Sirius… go unseen and… maybe help. They're attacking at dawn, I think."
Sirius nodded "Not the first time I've helped out from under this old thing" he said, and vanished under the cloak and left the room.
"Do you need me to be an invisible ally?" asked Daphne "I could probably organise with some friends to … stun and bind certain students?"
"Please do" said Harry "Let's not have to fight other students."
"Says mister I just summoned someone from the land of the dead" muttered Ron.
"I don't have an endless supply of souls stuck in me to do this with." said Harry.
"Well I'd better go talk to my insurance" said Daphne Greengrass, tapping herself on the head and vanishing into a blur, and the door opened and shut.
"Ginny's not going to like this" said Ron "After you gagged her on your knob."
"What?" asked Harry sharply, "No, she sicked up thinking about a bit of Tom being in my head, you berk!"
"Oh" said Ron "Is my sister actually that sensitive?" he asked, looking surprised.
"Apparently the fear that her attraction is from Tom's messing and the horcrux in my head is enough to put her off" said Harry with a frown. "Not that that matters anymore as my dear godfather just sold me off."
"Better sold off than slaughtered," said Hermione, who was looking a bit sick.
"Hermione?" asked Ron carefully "What's wrong?"
"I was imaging how Ginny was feeling, her doubt about her feelings about Harry. It's dreadful." said Hermione.
"You say dreadful, I said I'm not getting a snog after this is over," said Harry. "Greengrass isn't... well my anything. Not really."
"Come on" said Ron "We've got a battle to plan." They went back to the Room of Requirement.
The Room of Requirement had grown crowded with some older Weasleys, and Arthur talked to the trio.
"The Order are here, and we're spreading around the castle" Arthur explained.
"Well that's something" said Harry happily "Now we only have to beat You-know-who and co. in the morning. With a couple of dozen Order members to help."
"And some of the trustworthy Aurors." said Arthur "They'll be along in a few hours, there's certain people in the ministry on the lookout for … well us."
Harry was pressed into a bed by Mrs Weasley, who hit him with an odd charm and he fell asleep.
Harry woke to Arthur Weasley shaking him. "He's here" said Arthur "Wants to duel you."
Harry looked around the room of requirement "Hey, Neville?" Harry asked.
Neville came over, looking a bit battered.
"I haven't found the snake yet" said Neville apologetically.
"Use the sword of Gryffindor" said Harry "But don't take needless risks."
"We could do with the bloody death-eaters carking it" said Ginny. Harry nodded.
"We've got some… pot-plants" said Neville. "Which we, Professor Sprout and us positioned last night."
Harry went to the seventh floor windows. At the far edge of Hogwarts grounds, various dark robed wizards stood around, and near the forest, a black mass seethed.
"Bloody spiders" said Ron "I hate spiders."
"Ron?" asked Harry "If you were to fly over there, and cast fiendfyre… would anyone care?"
"Well I wouldn't" said Ron. "I bloody hate spiders."
"Harry!" said Hermione, sounding scandalised "You might set the forest on fire."
"Which apart from the centaurs, who seem to all be over here" said Harry "All the nice beasts can run off."
"Gawp?" asked Hermione.
"He's here" said Harry, staring down towards the gates "He's here… down by the front gate with a huge club."
"Cool" said Ron, peering. "He looks… a lot smaller than the other giants."
"He's a runt" said Harry bluntly "But he means well."
"I wonder" said Hermione "How many wizards it would take to transfigure Gawp bigger?"
"Dozens" said Ron "Dozens and dozens"
Hermione tore off yelling "Ginny!" she yelled "Get all the seventh year transfiguration students!"
"Think it'll work?" asked Ron. Harry shrugged.
The experiment failed, but they transfigured up a massive army of stone lions instead.
Which… stacked up and made a gigantic statue.
"Well, that's not going to last long" said Ron dismissively. "You can't be relion on it"
"Come on" said Harry, utterly ignoring Ron's pun, "time to go"
"What am I doing?" asked Ron.
"You're covering me." said Harry "Come on."