Chapter 13
Lucky for some
Harry, having told Parkinson to be nice, and had that backfire a teensy bit, and not put Malfoy in Azkaban, but told HIM to bloody well get on and marry Parkinson, so she could divorce his ferrety face, and get some compensation, went back to his private married quarters room at Hogwarts, and lay down on the empty couch.
"Keep your soles off the furniture," said Daphne.
"Ugh," said Harry, moving his feet.
"What?" asked Daphne.
"Promise you won't be mad?" asked Harry.
"Oh course I won't. I'm a very even-tempered witch," said Daphne.
"You probably already know anyway," said Harry.
"Know what?"
"I told Malfoy he bloody well did have to marry Parkinson; he used a Black family ring. She can divorce him and get some compensation for well… things."
"Pansy said you asked her to apologise to friends of yours," said Daphne.
"Yes. I think she might have overdone it," said Harry. He bit his lip.
"Overdone it how?"
"Might have… thought I meant snog," said Harry.
"Oh."
"Well, just privately, Hermione's not sure what to think any more," said Harry. He turned his head to look at Daphne, and her face had gone pink.
"Oh my god," said Daphne.
"Well, evidently that's what Hermione said afterwards," said Harry sarcastically.
Daphne's mouth gaped open. "She Didn't!"
"I suspect she did. Well, they did," said Harry. "Puts a different complexion on the bullying Pansy did."
"Stop stop stop!" said Daphne. "Didn't you say you told Malfoy to marry her?"
"Well, yeah, but only so Pansy can divorce him," said Harry mildly. "Course, I told her to apologise to Neville and he's acting a bit weird now too. And I feel really bad about that because he and Hannah had a thing."
"Dear husband," said Daphne. "Please don't try to help friends ever again. You might accidentally end the universe, or worse."
"I'm still fairly sure Hermione hates Draco," said Harry. "But my hopes for her and Ron are going down the tubes."
"What tubes?"
"It's a figure of speech. Means… um. Withering." said Harry.
"So that's a muggle term then?"
"S'pose so" said Harry.
"You didn't, perhaps, ask Pansy to apologise to you?"
"Nah. She got all weird about that, I said no. I'm married to you anyway," said Harry "And I don't want to either go to Azkaban, or lose you. And honestly… Pansy? Ugh."
"She's not hideous," said Daphne. "But I appreciate being valued."
"I value you more than all other women," said Harry. "Also, did I mention that I really fancy you?"
"I believe," said Daphne wryly "You might have mentioned that once or twice in bed."
"I can say it without even being in bed, naked, or drunk," said Harry. "Or even perving you."
"Hang on – your definition of worse than ending the universe is Draco and Hermione?" asked Daphne.
"Yeah, basically." said Harry, cheerily.
"And the prospect of possibly Pansy and Hermione?"
"At least Pansy might learn something," said Harry.
"And you don't think that Hermione, boring knickers Granger hasn't already learnt something?" asked Daphne, lifting her eyebrows. "Vis-a-vis being at least bisexual, if not actually gay?"
"I really prefer to ignore that part of her life," said Harry. "To me she's… my annoyingly organised friend. Though, and this is top-secret…"
"What is?"
"Draco's a neat-freak. I was possibly planting something in his trunk, and it was as organised as Hermione's must be." said Harry "Though I did decide to give his old wand back. It turned out threatening him worked quite well enough."
"Is Pansy married yet, Harry?"
"Well, no, but Malfoy caved," said Harry.
"Well, at least you're good-looking" she said.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"You took a Malfoy at their word."
"He'll behave," said Harry.
"Well, we have to go to the Ministry this evening" said Daphne "Kingsley, the new Minister – needs you to make a tiny little speech about the new laws."
"New laws?"
"The new laws that will protect future generations from horror." said Daphne "I've made you cue cards."
-==0==-
"… And that is why pink dresses will be illegal to any woman over eighteen," said Harry. He looked at his cue card "And a number of magical rituals, currently not illegal, but truly terrible, and from practical experience, only the very darkest kind of magic." The cue card said (Horcrux) and (Human Sacrifices) and Harry was fairly sure he didn't want to say those bits aloud.
An elderly wizard stood up and nodded. "Mister Potter, a careful reading of this act would make it seem that there were clauses particularly designed to attack the personal style of Madam Umbridge, who used to be the Ministers senior undersecretary?"
"Well, I would never personally use the Wizengamot to attack a single person," said Harry. "Or, hypothetically, misuse a senior position in the Ministry to send Dementors to the muggle town an underage sorcerer lived in, to attack them. But either someone did that back in ninety-five, or the Dementors of Azkaban were running wild already, doing the will of the late Tom Riddle. So, either the Dementors represent a massive security risk, or there was corruption in the Ministry. And given that some people in the Ministry did very well under the rule of the Death Eaters, I can only assume it was corruption."
"Yet this law seems aimed at Madam Umbridge," said the elderly wizard. "Howard Canterville – Western marches elector." he added.
"Well, my wife had some input into decision making," said Harry, and he read another cue-card. "And she, and everyone at Hogwarts did not enjoy either the nineteen-ninety-five academic year, in which Madam Umbridge made sure nobody learnt any practical Defence Against Dark Arts in class, leaving everyone to fail the WEA OWL and NEWTs practical, and vulnerable in the war to come, and then in the ninety-seven academic year, actual Death-Eaters were employed by the Ministry at Hogwarts, and other schools."
Harry glanced at his next cue card. It was a quick summary of the economics of Ministry positions, and he felt that was irrelevant.
"The pink dresses part notwithstanding," said Canterville, and Harry nodded "The process of testing prospective staff by having them submit to questioning under Veritaserum is quite intrusive."
"If being questioned about allegiance to dark lords is intrusive," said Harry heatedly "Then maybe you were asleep during the recent war?"
"I was at home on the family estate," said Canterville. "But I see your point. Wouldn't the dark curses clause mean that certain professors who were afflicted with Lycanthropy would be ineligible in future? Even if the late Mister Lupin is a decorated war hero?"
"His condition, while treatable, was a safety risk to the students." said Harry, clenching his fist. Daphne hadn't budged an inch on Werewolves as teachers. "While controls for students with Lycanthropy are manageable, it's not practical to have teachers, with more magical skill, and the requirement to do patrols, with Lycanthropy."
"So you're quite firm on allowing werewolves at Hogwarts, but only as students," said a dark-haired man in Wizengamot robes from the benches, and something about his voice rubbed Harry the wrong way.
"Professor Lupin was one of the best Defence Teachers we had at Hogwarts, but he was a risk. One missed dose of wolfsbane, and he'd be wild." said Harry, quite prepared to omit that he had actually nearly eaten him and Hermione and Ron. Snape and Sirius would never talk.
"Surely, if we put the werewolves in cells for the duration, even a teacher would be safe?" asked an elderly witch that Harry suspected was Neville's grandmother; though she was only wearing a wizengamot hat today.
"Well, yes, but it's possible a wizard might be able to wandlessly unlock a door" said Harry tiredly. He didn't really believe it, but Daphne was adamant, and most people seemed scared of werewolves.
"Can you wandlessly unlock a door, Mister Potter?" asked the dark-haired man with the irritating voice.
"No, best I can do is light my wand," said Harry.
"Wandlessly?"
"Not every time," admitted Harry. "Did it when confronted by Dementors in Surrey."
"Good gracious," said the elderly witch. "What a prodigy."
-==0==-
The Daily Prophet did what Harry dreaded the next day.
'Harry Potter takes cautious, traditional line with Wizengamot, carries vote in favour of the 'Potter's Laws.''
"Harry!" said Hermione, who was already reading the paper. "How could you! Professor Lupin was the best teacher we ever had!"
"Well, it was a trade-off," said Harry. She wasn't prepared to move on it, and he liked not being in Azkaban, and thought Ron and Hermione would probably also like not being in Azkaban. And that led into the 'Dementors out of Azkaban' law changes he wanted anyway. Though it was more that the Dementors were going into the lowest dungeons of Azkaban, to be locked in, and the prisoners would be moved to a different prison, somewhere less evil, and never go back.
Also, Daphne had slept on him last night, and he found being used as a cuddle-pillow quite pleasant.
But he did have to make sure Malfoy did what he was told, so he'd have to interact with the world's worst Death Eater today.
Obviously, as they were in many of the same classes, that wasn't outrageously difficult.
Harry merely bumped into Malfoy in potions, and didn't spill rat spleens all over him, instead saying quietly "Third floor after lunch, second on the right."
And if the non-explanation might have been chosen to wind Malfoy up, well, Harry was allowed to have a little fun. Also, if Malfoy worked it out, that was the room Dumbledore had promised held a very painful death. There was nothing left of Fluffy having used it, and certainly no trapdoor.
Which was a shame, as tossing Malfoy into a dungeon gauntlet would have made his afternoon. Harry's that is. As it was he had to leave lunch without a quick post-lunch snog with Daphne, so he was feeling a bit tetchy.
Malfoy arrived fifteen minutes after Harry, stumbling into the room and stopping.
"What is it, Potter?" he asked.
"Malfoy, I told you to get married to Parkinson." said Harry "You are not, as fas as I know married to Parkinson yet."
"It's hardly been a week yet" whined Malfoy.
Beside him, Daphne dispelled her disillusionment. Harry tried not to jump in fear. She shot him a quick smug grin.
"Malfoy, you loathsome creep, you're getting Married to Pansy this weekend. You can both go to Gretna Green on the bus from Hogsmeade, and have a service with the Smith.
"I'm not marrying over some bally Anvil like a sodding heathen" said Malfoy indignantly. "Couldn't I just give her a large necklace?"
"Malfoy," said Harry "You will get married on Saturday and file for divorce with the Ministry one week later."
"One week!" whined Malfoy.
"Look, Draco, Harry is a reasonable man" said Daphne "However, as I had to hear Pansy complain about everything you did, you can sodding well get married to Pansy, it's not like you didn't give her an engagement ring."
The plan, probably because it didn't actually involve Harry directly went off without a hitch, apart from the bit where Malfoy and Parkinson had to tell McGonagall that yes, they were married, no thanks, not using a Married Quarters room.
And by Friday, Parkinson got a letter from a big black owl, and came into Harry's sitting room looking like someone had confounded her.
"I got half" she said "Half. Half of everything. I'll be able to move out of Mother's house."
Harry nodded and hoped she'd leave soon.
"You did this" she said. "You… helped me. Why? I even tried to sell you out to the Dark Lord."
"That was a stupid thing but you don't think well under pressure" said Harry "don't make any decisions hastily."
"Like Marrying Daphne immediately after the war," said Parkinson snarkily.
Daphne came out of the bathroom at that point, and sighed "Pansy, I assume that was good news."
"Well, I got half." she said.
"That's probably quite a lot, please consider donating heavily to reconstruction efforts" said Daphne blandly. "There's a dreadful shortage of housing for poor people, for example."
"I'm not letting poor people live in one of my houses," said Pansy indignantly. "The things I suffered for that!"
"They were put in Azkaban or the re-education camps," said Harry. "Starved, cursed. As someone who owes her good fortune to, well… me, I'm looking forward to you donating to charitable organisations, housing muggleborns, that sort of thing."
"Housing muggleborns!" said Pansy indignatly.
"Well, you might start with just one" said Harry snidely, and Parkinson blushed.
An she left before anything awful could happen.
"Did we do a good thing?" asked Harry.
"I'm not sure that was a good thing, but… at least Malfoy is much poorer" said Daphne. "Do you think she and Granger will do anything publicly?"
"Doubt it" said Harry "Being homosexual is frowned on in muggle society."
"What?" asked Daphne incredulously. "Pansy's not homosexual."
"Whatever" said Harry, shivering "she does stuff with Hermione."
"You implied she does things with Longbottom" said Daphne.
Harry shrugged. He decided not to ever think about anything related to that person, ever again.
He certainly didn't imagine Neville ending up with three girlfriends. That was ridiculous. He rather suspected Pansy and Neville's thing was the sort of sordid, awful thing that just went on for ages. At no point did Harry think that Harry's thing with Daphne, from many people's perspective had been a horrid, sordid thing that had started far too young. Because that was a lie he and Daphne had cooked up, mostly.
"You're just pointedly not thinking about that, aren't you" said Daphne, eyes slightly narrowed.
"It's not that important, we've go the rest of the school year to decide if we always send the separate invites or not" said Harry.
She nodded "That's a remarkably practical view. You are a good man, Harry Potter."
Harry looked at the floor.
"Come on, we've got charms" she said, standing up.
"How do you know she's not homosexual?" asked Harry.
"Because the one Lesbian in dorms never got anywhere with her," said Daphne lightly, picking up her book bag.