Disclaimer: I don't own anything Twilight related and a remind this chapter refers to drug use and spousal abuse
Chapter 10: Bella's Gamble…
In a consoling gesture, Charlie took me to In and Out Burger for a late dinner before he drove me back to my mother's. When we left the ER, it was past eleven o'clock. I was wrecked and wanted to go home, but Charlie insisted I eat something first. My mother was apparently on the same page, having spoken with him before I entered the waiting room. This was a new development; Charlie and Mom voluntarily talked to each other. Usually, they went through me. Nothing united people like their kid, and I wondered if this would be Jasper and me in ten years.
"Eat Bells," Charlie said, pushing my tray of fries towards me.
I shook my head, my stomach in knots. "Sorry, I'm not that hungry," I replied, pushing the fries and half-eaten hamburger away.
"You need your strength," he pointed out.
"I need a lobotomy," I replied, "Look, I'll make you a deal, I'll finish the shake, that's really I can stomach right now."
Charlie nodded and took the food out of my sight. "I'll hold you to that. Ready?" He asked, getting up.
I nodded, glad this horrible day was over and wondering how many more bad ones were ahead of me.
"I'm ready," I replied, getting up. Charlie and I walked out to his truck. He opened the door for me, and I went in, sinking against the leather seats.
Quietly, we drove through the night and into Mom's neighborhood. "Bella," Charlie started to say, "I know I'm about twenty years too late for this, but please listen to me. You know he's not going to get any better? He may be for a while, but I know he's not ready for recovery yet."
"I know, Dad, but I think he still deserves a chance," I told him, "If I don't give him one, I'm sure I'll regret it one day. And if I'm being practical, this is the easiest way to liquify our assets.
"Maybe, but I also worry what a judge is going to say if he goes for custody," Charlie said. " Do you ever wonder why your mom was able to get full custody?"
"I assumed it was because of the abuse," I retorted, wondering if he wanted to rehash our earlier fight.
"Honey, it was the eighties. Spousal abuse met jack shit in regard to custody, and I should know. You know how many times I got called to a house where some guy like me was beating his kid?" he asked, ignoring my tone. "Bella, your mom managed to get custody because she had pictures of what I did to you, and she made damn sure to show them to the judge. The only reason I got supervised visitation was because I was a cop. You giving Jasper a second chance might backfire. Just be smart, please."
We pulled up to Mom's house, I could make out the kitchen light in the background.
"What made you get sober?" I asked, realizing I never knew the answer to this question. "It wasn't because of Mom leaving you, but you were clean for awhile before you contacted me."
"Believe it or not, you were a huge part of it, Bells," Charlie said, shutting off the ignition. "I woke up one more, pretty much in the same shape I found Jasper in a few days ago. I was in some fleabag motel, covered in piss because I couldn't make the john. And I had puked at some point. I was living out of my truck; at that point, I would check into a motel every few days to shower and sleep in a bed. My money went to booze and coke on occasion. I was pretty sick. When you're sick, days just blear together, and you only think about how you'll get what you need. I failed every drug test, so I was given the choice to resign and get a small pension or get fired, so I was basically living off that, which was peanuts.
"So here I am, living day to day, everything blurring together, covered in urine and vomit, smelling like something ripe, and I noticed the date, September 13th," he said, giving me a pointed look.
"My birthday?" I asked, surprised.
"Your fifteenth, actually. You were fifteen, and I realized I hadn't seen you in person since you were ten or so. I had been drifting up and down the coast since I had been let go from the job. Every now and then, I would get a glimpse at you at your school, but I hadn't spoken to you in years," he explained.
"You came by my school?" I asked, surprised. I assumed he was doing his own thing at the time.
"Every few months or so, I'd stop by but didn't go in. First off, your mom had a restraining order on me, and that could have put me in jail, and secondly, I didn't want to frighten you. I remembered that scene I made at your school when you were little. I also didn't want to come between you and Phil. Don't tell him I said this, but he's a decent guy, and I knew he stepped up when he didn't have to."
Charlie was right. Phil had always treated me like his own daughter, but I still missed him for a long time. As a child, I wondered if Charlie's absence was due to something I did. It was not until I became a teenager and adult that I realized the demons Charlie dealt with in my youth.
"Anyway, like I said, I realized that day I hadn't really seen you in years. I had a picture of you I kept in my wallet," he said, pulling out his wallet and taking out a faded picture. It looked like a preschool picture of me, with big 80's glasses, pigtails, and baby teeth. "Bella, I've always had this picture of you with me. And that day, I was staring at it, and I realized I missed your entire childhood, that you were practically grown, and I missed the whole thing. It's my second biggest regret, and, well, you already know the first one." Charlie stopped his story to gently touch my hand.
I smiled and nodded for him to continue.
"Your mom always said if I got sober I could see you. So that's what I did," Charlie continued, "I went to the hospital, and they got me into a rehab facility that the police union covered. When I got there, after a few months, I called my lawyer, who called your mom. And you know the rest."
Charlie was right; I knew what would happen next. My mom wasn't anyone's fool. She allowed supervised visitation at first and made Charlie work it. And I hadn't made it easy for him back then. By the time Charlie was healthy, I didn't want anything to do with him. It wasn't until years later that I realized how much he must have wanted a relationship with me to put with my teenage attitude, especially when I married Jasper. He wanted me to wait. In hindsight, Charlie must have seen something in Jasper that we missed.
"What was your rehab like?" I asked.
"Barely bare bones. It worked because I wanted it to work and made a relationship with you my goal," Charlie explained.
"Like a higher power," I asked sardonically.
Charlie chuckled, "Exactly. It's not about having a belief in God but a belief in something bigger than yourself and Bella. You were always my north star."
"That's poetic, Dad," I replied, kissing his stubbly cheek. I usually didn't do this, but he was there for me tonight and this past week. "Good night, I'll see you tomorrow."
"Night, honey. Call me if you need anything," Charlie said as I opened the door. Sue and I will be there for you."
I nodded and walked to the door, taking a deep breath. I had my own amends to make with my mother and the others.
For a brief moment, I was a teenager again, my mother and stepfather waiting in the kitchen, twirling coffee cups.
"Hi," I said quietly, sliding into the table. "You didn't need to wait up."
Mom looked at her cup, focusing on the liquid. Her eyes were red, and I felt horrible doing this to her.
"Bella, I'm your mother, I'm always going to wait up for you," she replied after a moment.
"Same here," Phil repeated, gently placing his arm on her shoulders and smiling at me softly.
"I'm sorry about earlier and for making you cry," I told her, putting my hand on hers.
"You didn't make me cry," Mom said, squeezing my mine back. I'm not happy about the way you acted, but you weren't the reason behind my crying."
"Why were you crying then?" I asked, surprised.
"It's seeing you do what I did twenty years ago. Bella, I don't want you going down this rabbit hole with Jasper," she said firmly. "I'm your mother, and I'll always be there for you, but I can't support you returning to him. Until he gets better, he's going to treat you worse."
I nodded, reading between the lines. Mom wouldn't support a reunification of me and Jasper, not because she didn't support me but because she couldn't support something unhealthy. I knew that much from all my years as a social worker. I could see the groups I led in my head.
"Mom, Phil, I'm not going back to Jasper," I told them, watching as they both let out simultaneous breaths of relief.
"Then what were you doing? You were there a long time," Phil asked, curiosity coloring his almost obsidian eyes.
"Are you sure you want to know the whole thing right now?" I asked, "Would you rather just talk about this tomorrow?"
"Is the Pope catholic?" Mom said dryly.
"Ok," I took another deep breath and told them what I laid out for Jasper this evening, minus the part that Peter played. They didn't need to know that.
They looked at me in disbelief by the time they were done.
"Bella, are you sure you want to do this?" Mom asked, she bore twin looks of horror and fascination.
"I signed a prenup, remember?" I pointed out to her. I'm already limited to what I am entitled to."
"Yeah, but that should come out of his half," Phil retorted.
"Half of nothing is half of nothing. We don't know where the market will be in a few months," I said, feeling twice my twenty-eight years. "This way, I can get something out of it now. My friend Tanya is going to put the house on the market this weekend. The first thing I'm doing tomorrow is applying for legal separation with Pam; then, I will hire a cleaning crew tomorrow and see if Em will patch the areas Jasper tore up."
"Does Jasper know that you're filing?" Mom asked point blank.
I took a deep breath and said, "Yes, I told him that if he wanted this to work long-term, we needed to separate, and if things go well, we can try to reunite if he's clean for a year and see a family therapist. This was only way I could think to get him into rehab. From what Pam told me, the papers will probably get to him once he finishes detox. I've told the facility that he is not to have visitors until his detox is over."
"He's not going to take that well, nor are his parents," Phil pointed out.
"Probably not, but hopefully, by that time, he'll be clear-headed enough to focus on his sobriety, and he's going to have a lot on his plate staying clean. If he and I are going to have a chance, he needs to be clean and have industrial strength therapy," I replied. "I'm going to be honest with the two of you. If Jasper is committed to staying clean, I'm giving him a chance to prove himself."
Phil and Mom gave shared a look. "Bella, you realize how difficult sobriety is going to be for someone who doesn't think he has a problem and is shared by enablers?" Mom asked, looking worn out.
"I'm aware, trust me, Dad made sure to drill that into my head tonight. And I'm sure Peter and Charlotte will also have a lot to say. But what choice do I have?"
AN: Thank you everyone for the reviews. At 95 and counting last time I checked. Not shabby if I do say so myself.
So, there you have it. Jasper is at detox and Bella has plans that are about to into motion. And now you know a little of Charlie's journey to sobriety, the PG version. I wanted this chapter to highlight the hill Jasper is about climb because it's hard one. And I can tell you from experience it's almost as hard to watch a love fall off that mountain. Multiple times. Jasper has all the reason and resources to get better, but the question remains whether he will. And then you have his parents. His parents who will have something to say when Jasper comes out of detox. Any accurate bets might get a chapter posted a little faster then two weeks ;)
Anyway, next chapter is going to be a little lighter as Bella begins to move forward.
Thanks for reading!