So be prepared that this chapter will have deep feels. If you think it might be bad for your health to read some sad and depressing shit then leave now and come back later, I don't want anyone spiraling because of what I wrote. I know things can be really, really hard sometimes, but they do get better or at least easier to deal with. This chapter has been sitting in the dusty corners of my computer almost since I started this story. I've always known it was going to happen though it was gonna be a lot later and more things were gonna happen first. However, my grandma died a few months back and that's part of why I've been writing again because that's what I do, I disappear into stories when I don't want to deal with anything else. But all of my feels from that came roaring back when I was writing this one and I knew it was time for it to happen. So I'm sorry if this triggers anyone but you've been warned. I've been sitting on this chapter for so long, but it's finally time.

It had been thirty-three years since I'd attended Burning Man with Sam and the others. Bust and the other moderators had collected quite a following for the site. They'd been sending a good number of people to as many festivals where immortals frequented as possible and across the board belief had been boosted. Madelynn - the girl that I'd met at Avalon - had chosen to move to the un-enchanted world. I'd introduced her to the blogging fleet and she and Bust had hit it off. They'd gotten married a few years back and had a son who had become the successor to the movement. The other nerds I'd met way back when had all stopped believing - all except Bust. I suspected that Madelynn had something to do with that, but he had somehow managed to cling to his belief.

And yes, you read right. I said all of them had stopped. Including Lizzie. She'd been at College for three years - Stanford - and her letters had been steadily decreasing in number and frequency. It was indication enough but I didn't want to believe it - and I hadn't - until I stopped by one day and sat outside of her window, watching her work on some paper or another. I stayed for hours before it finally sunk in that she... didn't need me anymore.

Losing her as a believer didn't hurt too bad - I'd lost enough kids already, I was getting used to it. What felt like someone carving out my intestines with a plastic spoon was the fact that she was my niece, someone I'd known her entire life, someone I'd put so much of my heart into, and she didn't remember me. At best she'd think I was an imaginary friend like the Guardians were, but even then I'd never be real to her again. It was something I just had to accept... no matter how hard it hurt.

Despite all of that I couldn't help myself from keeping tabs on her. I was there at graduation where she was salutatorian. I was there for her house warming party for her first apartment. I was there at her engagement party and I was there at her wedding like I'd been there for her monther's before her. I was there for her daughter's first birthday. I was there when Isabella had her first day of school - watching out for her of course. I was there for it all. Everything had come full circle in less than three decades.

The more time that passed, the more I came to know that my original inflections of Immortality held true. Everyone dies. Everyone leaves. The only exceptions were the people that I'd come to consider family. Jack and Sam, the Guardians, the rabble at Legends, as well as Sel and Del - though I didn't see them quite as often anymore. And Pitch.

In the past decade and a half, he'd finally begun referring to me as something akin to a friend, though he wouldn't go as far as to actually say that. I'd figured out more or less how to deal with the Fearlings and Nightmares, the ones that weren't crazed anyway. As well, he looked forward to my visits and he revealed that he actually loved gossip. He was like having a gay friend who wasn't gay. No one outside of us knew that I knew him. I couldn't do it, telling everyone that for almost fifty years I'd been dining with the Nightmare King. Pitch would have made fun of me for it if he wasn't wary of the secret getting out, too.

Immortals were still disappearing, three more in as many decades. I'd yet to get a name out of Pitch but he'd slowly started slipping me info on what was happening. As far as he knew, they weren't dead - or at least our equivalent - nor were they imprisoned. More they were voluntarily removed from this plane of existence. I didn't believe the voluntary crap for a second - neither did he. I could see in his eyes that he was scared that the same thing would happen to him if he didn't go along with whoever was in charge and that more than anything let me know just how big and bad this person was. Without him realizing it, he'd started trusting me. My reward was information that was vital in the long run. I still hadn't told Jack or anyone else about what I knew. I'd sort of discreetly mentioned to the winds the things I'd learned like they were ideas I'd had. They'd passed it on to Jack but the Guardians still were getting nowhere.

Outside of the immortal community, the world was advancing in all the right ways. It looked like the tense times and almost wars were coming to an end, global warming was halting - much to Seraphina's relief, worldwide pollution was decreasing dramatically from one year to the next, and the fiscal problems that many countries had been facing were nearing their end. On top of all of that, the people the world over were believing in the impossible again. It was generally accepted that a good number of the more famous immortals were real - or at least had been at one point in time. Artie and most of the Guardians among them. Actually, there was a general speculation that one of the Salem witches had lived on as an immortal. I mean, they weren't right, but they weren't far off either.

Through all of this the other Guardians sort of started seeing me as an honorary Guardian Deputy. I hung around so often with them and helped them with not only their normal jobs but with the disappearances that they just sort of started inviting me to the meetings and such without going through Jack. At present, I was at the Tooth Palace, spending time with Tooth and the girls. Her fairies never really stopped working but every once in a while they took a break and sat with us. I absently fiddled with Lizzie's box, long since filled. I'd been thinking about her for the past few days and I wanted to see her face again... from when she believed in me.

Tooth noticed my roaming fingers and caught my eye. "Stoy, you know that the only thing worrying her box is going to do is wear down the picture."

I forced myself to let go of the box. "I know." One of the fairies saw that I'd put it down and asked if I was done. I nodded in response. "Yeah." She briskly picked it up and flew off to return it to it's home.

Tooth nodded towards the retreating fairy. "How have Lizzie and Isabella been doing?"

"Kevin's been a little bit of a handful lately for Bella, but Andrew's been working graveyard shift so she can sleep in the day time. Lizzie's been loving being a grandma, I can see it in her face." I smiled absently. "Caeden's a great-grandpa now." I laughed a little. "I guess that makes me a great-great aunt, right?" I looked at her and she chuckled along with me. "Damn, I'm old." Our laughter increased until We were each clutching our sides.

When we eventually caught our breath, Tooth wiped at her eyes, tears having formed from the intense chuckles. "I miss spending so much time with you, Story. You've been busy the past few years."

"Says the woman who works night and day." We both giggled again with me shaking my head. "I've got enough believers that they keep me running around to try and handle them all." I shrugged a little. "I kind of miss the days where I had less than a hundred. It felt more special when I spend time with them - less like a job."

She gave me a sympathetic smile. "I know how you feel. It does get overwhelming from time to time." She gestured around her. "That's why I have the fairies, and North has the Yetis, and Bunny has the egg golems. I honestly don't know how Jack and Sandy do it by themselves."

"I think they're just insanely powerful. But I mean, Jack has the winds to help him know where to go. And Sandy's made of dream sand, plus he was a star pilot so if anyone knows stardust it's him." I shrugged again, shifting around.

"Maybe you should think of finding some helpers for yourself."

I couldn't help but be surprised by her comment. "What do you mean?"

"Well," She turned a little bit more, watching her fairies. "I know the wind communicates with you too, but for your purposes, I think a more direct acolyte would be better."

I laughed a little. "An acolyte?" My eyebrow was raised in bemusement as she nodded. "I mean... I have the planes," I glanced behind me. "And my birds." About twenty years back I'd been fiddling with one of my planes, trying some origami shapes for shits and giggles and the swan ones had moved. It freaked me out at first but then I tried to make them without actually folding the paper by hand, like with my mind - or powers if you wanna say that. And it made a bird shape that reminded me more of a blue-jay shape. I'd been making them without much thought for about fifteen years now. They almost had intelligence, like Big Guy, and they could speak the words written on them. On top of that pictures would appear on them if they saw something. I hadn't been able to get them to give reports or anything but I was working on it.

The one behind me cocked it's head at me, curious. I smiled a little at it and it went back to pecking at the fairies that flitted a little too close. A few minutes later when me and Tooth were in the middle of a conversation another bird came streaking in and landed in my lap at mach speed, crumpling itself as it came to a halt. "Woah! Where's the fire, man?" I lifted it gingerly as it re-framed itself in my hands. I watched with increasing worry as a bad feeling gathered in my gut. "What happened?"

It haltingly popped back into place before opening its wingspan to show me flashing images of something that made my blood run cold. My jaw trembled as Tooth glanced over my shoulder, hand jumping to cover her mouth. "Story, is that... ?"

I couldn't answer, I was too busy trying to process what I'd seen. The pictures had been - in order - Caeden as I'd last seen him, Tanya and Lizzie looking worried, Caeden in a hospital bed, and a waiting room full of my extended family. "I have to go." I didn't realize I'd said it out loud until I saw Tooth get up and nod. She understood.

I didn't waste any more time, I snatched up my bag and tore off. "Winds?!" At my panic-stricken tone, they responded with immediate assistance in the speed department. I was on the other side of the world and time was of the essence.

"Where are you going?" I glanced at the bird trying to keep up with me and snatched it out of the air, spreading its wings and searching the image for a clue.

"Chicago!" I dropped the bird, not caring at the moment if anything happened to it. "Please, hurry!" My voice gave away what I knew my face wouldn't. It took five hours of flying at breakneck speed to make it to the Windy City. Once there the winds left me to my own devices and I hurtled into the courtyard of the same hospital Lizzie was born in. The sensors on the door could see me when the mortals couldn't so I had no trouble getting inside but it took me a half hour of frantic searching to find where everyone was holed up.

I finally found them on the eighth floor, huddled in the waiting room. There were more people now than there had been in the picture, including Isabella and her one-year-old, Kevin, who was fast asleep. There were red-rimmed eyes on everyone but the baby. Even seeing their faces, I didn't want to believe what was happening. Tanya was the only one absent from the room. I knew she'd be with him so I looked through the rooms until I found her talking to one of the doctors just outside the room at the end of the hall. I slipped past them and froze inside the door.

"There's not much more we can do at this point. If he pulls through, he pulls through, but..." I heard the doctor talking from behind me but my eyes were glued to the bed. "You all might want to say goodbye, ma'am." The words felt like ice was stabbing me in the back. Tanya mumbled something and walked back into the room - through me. It jolted me enough to get me out of the doorway and over to the window-sill. She held Caeden's had for a minute before whispering something to him and kissing his forehead. Then she got up and left the room.

I stared at the figure on the bed. I refused to believe this was my brother. The man here was skin and bones, glasses removed and with wires everywhere. Worse than that he wasn't smiling. Caeden had always been smiling, no matter what was going on. I walked towards him like a ghost, one minute I was at the window the next I was next to the bed. Without thinking I reached for his hand.

Unsurprisingly mine went through his. My breath hitched in my throat and my face scrunched up in an incredibly unattractive way. I took a deep breath, fighting down the lump in my throat the size of a grapefruit. "Hey, bud." My voice was hoarse and rough like someone had scrubbed my windpipe with sandpaper. I blinked as mist clouded my eyes. "Sorry I haven't been around lately..." I cut myself off. What the hell was I doing, saying sorry to him like he could hear me? All I was to him was a distant memory, one that probably was at the back of his mind right now.

I wanted him to open his eyes and smile at me again. I wanted him to tell me about everything he'd done in the past few years that I'd missed. I wanted to tell him how much I'd missed him. More than anything I wanted him to sit up and I wanted to hug him. Really hug him. I looked at my little brother who was old and gray, the life barely clinging to him.

I abruptly turned and walked out of the room, stonefaced. I sat down on one of the chairs in the hallway and stared down the hall at the nurses' station. I forced myself to be numb, to stare at nothing and no one, to not respond to anything. My mind was blank and it was only when anyone tried to sit on me that I even took notice of my surroundings. I couldn't do it so I'd gone into a shut-down mode.

I was there for another hour before the white noise turned into one lone monotone beep. The doctors and nurses rushed in past me and I moved like a zombie. I felt like I weighed a million pounds as I stood up and walked into the room behind them. Lizzie and Tanya were in the corner of the room, holding onto each other and crying. I couldn't even see the bed from all the bodies around it. When I finally got a clear sight of his face I knew. He was gone.

I was numb. I didn't know how I was supposed to feel. Caeden... I couldn't even think the words. My little brother... The first memory I had of him was me holding him in the hospital. I'd been in my boho phase and was wearing a paisley print peasant top. I remember the sleeves kept getting in the way. I remembered his first Easter, my mom put bunny ears on him and took a picture of him in his diaper. I remember promising to use it as blackmail once he got a girlfriend. I remembered putting him on my shoulders when he was still small enough and running around the house with him giggling non-stop in my ear. I remembered taking him bowling and roller-skating when I was still mortal. I remembered our reunion when I came home after those first six years. I remembered all those times we played Skylanders or any other game on the Wii. All the movies we watched over and over and over. I remembered how happy he looked at his and Tanya's wedding. How nervous he was when he told me he was gonna propose to her. I remembered his hallway anxiety while he waited for Lizzie to be born. I remembered how proud he looked when she graduated college. How awesome of a grandpa and dad and uncle he was. Had been.

After everything was taken care of and over with I'd started walking. I had no idea where I was going, just that I needed to walk. I needed to be alone, to be comforted, to feel like my baby brother was still there. I needed to feel safe. I needed to stay away from people that brought memories roaring back, from places that stung to look at. I hadn't cried yet, I don't think I had control over it anymore. I couldn't even muster the motivation to call my wings and fly off somewhere. For once, walking felt better. I have no idea how long it took me, how long I was walking. The days sort of mushed together. A few times I felt planes tapping my shoulder, but I ignored all of them. What would I say?

Eventually, I sort of woke up enough to realize I was in Salem. Had I walked the whole way? I was still walking, but I had no idea where. Eventually, I noticed I was on Sam's street. Without thinking I walked to his house. I don't know by what miracle I had avoided walking through people for the entire distance, but not once do I remember anyone walking through me. Now I actively avoided them, walking through the grass instead of on the sidewalk. When I got to Sam's door I raised my hand to knock. Part of me thought of how ridiculous it was that I was knocking. Why was I acting like everything was normal when nothing was anymore?

Before I could answer my self-spoken question, the door opened and Sam's smiling face peered out. "Story. What are you doing here?" I watched as the smile fell from his face and concern replaced it. "What's the matter?" I couldn't form a coherent thought, let alone words. I have no doubt that it was my blank face that gave me away. Without prompt, Sam ushered me inside. He set me down on his couch as he crouched in front of me, looking intently up at me. "What happened? What's wrong?" His hands were gripping my arms like I was gonna fall over if he didn't hold me up.

What had happened? I'd suddenly forgotten why I was even there. Why was I so numb? Why did I feel like my world had just ended? The confusion must have shown on my face because Sam's expression changed slightly, became a bit more worried. Why couldn't I remember? I glanced around Sam's living room. He'd kept it in the style it had been when he'd been alive, so its old world feel was different from anything back in Chicago. Chicago... Why was I just in Chicago? Oh yeah, one of my birds showed up with a picture of Caeden in the hospital... The memory came rushing back without warning and hit me like a bulldozer supped up on turbojets.

I let out a breath that was more like a cross between a gasp and a sob. Sam quickly pulled me into his arms, wrapping them around me as if to shield out the world. "Shh, shh. It's okay." He sounded scared by what was happening. I didn't blame him.

I violently shook my head. I'd started crying, finally. "No, it's not!" I said around a sob. I had fistfuls of his shirt and I was pulling into myself. I had two walls around my heart then, one made by my body, one by his. It wasn't enough. It felt like my heart was turning into a black hole and trying to explode at the same time. Why? Why did it hurt so much? "Caeden -" I managed to get his name out before my sobs became so intense I could barely breathe. Sam just held me. He rocked me back and forth a little while he did. The whole time he kept telling me that it was going to be okay. I don't know if I believed him or not.

I don't know how long I cried. I really didn't care. At some point, I must have fallen asleep though, because, one minute, I was crying, and the next thing I knew I was waking up in his spare room covered by a blanket. When was the last time I'd slept? A few weeks prior, that was for sure. As I sat up I noticed that my face felt tight. No doubt from dried tears. I brought my hand to my face and wiped at my cheeks, though there was nothing to wipe away anymore. I was numb again. I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not.

I stood up. I knew I should do something... but what was there to do? I aimlessly walked down the stairs, noting the soft music drifting out of Sam's workshop. With a pang, I remembered that Halloween Jack and I had spent with Caeden all those years ago. A fresh tear leaked from my eye and I reached up to wipe it away. When I got to the room I saw him hunched over a table, working on some part of his newest project. He didn't notice me for a few minutes and I just watched him work. Eventually, he realized I was there and looked up from whatever it was.

"Hey." He moved to get up and I shook my head a little, walking over to him and sitting in the spare chair. "You feeling better?" He set his tools down and turned off the desk lamp he'd had on for more lighting.

I shrugged. "Does numb count as better?" The words were faint and all but lifeless. They were barely above a whisper - which wasn't helped by the fact my voice was hoarse from al the crying I'd done.

"Not really." He stared at me for a minute while I stared at a spot on the wall, trying to not think about anything. "Do you wanna talk?" I didn't respond, usually response enough. "I got a hold of Jack to see if he knew what was going on and he doesn't know. Then I got a message from Tooth..." I heard him fine, but it was like everything was disconnected from everything else. My mind was separate from my body which was separate from my senses. I don't know if I liked it better that way or not. "Story?"

I blinked and slowly turned to look at him. I saw everything on his face. He was set to tell me what everyone says. 'It'll get better with time, he's in a better place, he had a good run' etcetera, etcetera. Bullshit. It was never going to get easier, I remembered being dead and I knew what it was like on the other side. It was nothing but limbo. Suddenly, I wasn't numb. Suddenly, I was pissed and heartbroken and fed up all at the same time. "Sam, I swear to god if you say anything about how it'll get better..." My voice cracked and I had to stop talking or I'd have been crying again.

Sam pulled me into his arms again, gently rubbing mine as he did. I was breathing deep and fast, trying to keep from crying again. "I'm here, Story." It wasn't working. Tears started sliding out of my eyes. At least it was just tears, not sobs this time. "You'll get through this." I found myself nodding through my tears. I wanted to believe him. I wanted to believe I'd feel better eventually. I wanted to, so badly... I just didn't know if I could.

-

A few hours later Jack showed up. I was sitting on the couch, wrapped in the same blanket Sam had thrown on me when he'd put me upstairs. Sam answered the door and Jack was immediately in front of me. He searched my face for a second before seeing in my eyes when I couldn't force myself to say. Seeing the sympathy and empathy in his face I started crying again and he held me like Sam had. This was so much worse than when I'd lost Caeden as a believer, I'd lost him. No amount of joking would fix this.

Sam sat on the other side of me and wrapped his arm around me. With both of them holding me I wanted to feel better but it barely helped. It just hurt so damn much. Sometimes I felt like I couldn't breathe. My eyes burned from my tears and my insides felt like I'd swallowed liquid nitrogen. For once I didn't care that I was crying.

Everything hit me, everything I'd been holding in and fighting off for so long. My grandma dying and my mom. Lizzie not believing in me anymore and the fact that Isabella never did. The hundreds of believers I'd gained and lost in my sixty-four years as an immortal. I just felt so damn old then. I started shuddering with how hard I was crying and the two of them held me tighter. If it weren't for the circumstances I'd call it a group hug.

We sat there for a while before I'd calmed down enough to breathe normally. I was still crying but I wasn't sobbing anymore. This is getting repetitive. I almost laughed at inner voice for that. The fact that I could form thoughts like that showed I was getting it all out of my system but I was worried about what would be left when I had.

Sam mumbled, and I could feel his chin moving against my head. "Story, when's the last time you ate something?" It almost wasn't a question. I knew better than to lie to Sam about that - look what happened the last time he offered to make me food and I was stubborn about it? I couldn't bring myself to speak though, so I just shrugged. He looked towards Jack who was still on my other side. "I'm gonna make some food." He squeezed me before letting go. "I'll be right back."

I nodded and leaned into Jack who shifted a little. He'd been trying to keep the blanket between us for the entire time I'd been there, not wanting me to freeze from the cold that wafted off of him eternally. He was even trying to help me in that way on top of everything else today. "Is this how it felt?" My voice was barely a whisper, raspy from my sobbing and hard to find.

I felt Jack turn his face to look at me. "What?"

"When you got your memories back." I wasn't looking at him, I was staring at the pile of DVDs off to the side of the coffee table.

"What do you mean?" His tone was careful, though I don't know if it was for my sake or his own.

"When you remembered your sister." I felt him tense slightly. "When you realized she'd died." I'd never asked him about her before. I'd never pried that far because I knew that it must have been horrible for him but I had no idea that it could feel like your heart was ripped out of your chest. After a few moments I asked something I'd wondered for a long time but had never voiced. "Were you there when she died?"

He stayed tense for a few moments and I knew he was trying to compose himself enough to answer without thinking back on it too hard. Eventually he let out the breath he'd been holding and softened up. "Yeah." He mumbled his words into my hair. They were so quiet I know Sam couldn't hear, I barely did. "It felt like this. I wasn't there but I knew she died because I still hadn't left Burgess, I knew everything that happened. I just didn't know who she was. After everything happened with Pitch I felt like the world's biggest asshole for not being there for her when it happened." He shifted a little and cleared his throat softly. "I found her grave later and sat there I don't even know how long." He leaned around me to look me in the eyes. "Only I didn't have anyone there for me. That's the difference."

Jack glanced towards Sam and I followed his eyes to see he'd been watching us. A bittersweet grimace crossed his face. "One of my sisters died a month after I did. I didn't find out for years until I came back to America." He swallowed and looked down at his feet. "It's not your fault you weren't there for your sister. You're not an asshole, Jack. I am because I didn't care about them until it suited me." He turned back to making me my food. "I was too scared to watch them all grow old while I stayed the same."

Even with my heart aching as much as it was already, my boys sharing this made it bleed even more. It was just for them now, instead of me. It let me know I wasn't alone. I wasn't the first immortal to lose family and I wouldn't be the last. My pin was shared among everyone I called a friend and they all knew well thet it never really got better. You just got past it and learned to live with what happened and what you knew. What you were. It made me feel a little shitty for feeling like I was the only one who was hurting. At the same time, I knew they knew that I had to feel this or one day I'd end up imploding and probably taking half the world's stories with me. Okay, that was an exaggeration, but the fact still stood.

Not too long after my mini epiphany, the food was done and Sam brought over enough for all three of us. Sam popped in a movie, trying to take our minds off of things. After a little while things almost felt normal - you know aside from the gnawing hole where my heart used to be. I didn't think I'd be getting better any time soon, but I was starting to believe I would be better eventually. It struck me that this - all of it - was my last little shove into the world in which I now resided.

I'd been straddling the mortal and immortal worlds ever since I stopped being one and became the other. I'd thought I'd made a clean break and had merged with this world, but I'd been clinging to the life I once had. I still don't know why - seeing as there wasn't anything remarkable about it. But it had still been mine. Now it was truely gone. Caeden had been the last thing left of my old life, everyone and everything else having already been whisked away by the passing years.

I don't think I'd ever be able to not care about my family or my believers, and I don't think I'd ever be able to stay distant like so many of the other immortals do on a regular basis. But I was starting to have a little hope that - if I could suffer this heartache and make it out the other side - I might be able to handle everything else that was no doubt coming with time. "I don't know why everyone hates on Mors."

Sam and Jack both looked at me. "What do you mean?" Sam's side rumbled a little as he spoke.

"Death isn't the bitch in the world. Time is."