{ 53 }
I picked at my omelet. It tastes great, but I am in no mood to eat. My stomach is tied in knots.
Professor Bones will be by any time. She will want to talk about my anxiety attack. What in the fuck am I supposed to tell her?
It's none of her damn business. That's what I should tell her.
Am I supposed to go through my whole life expecting Hermione to walk on eggshells around me?
Don't say the wrong thing, Love, or you'll send me straight into an anxiety attack again.
How the fuck is that fair to her?
I sighed and pushed my plate back.
"It isn't that bad," Harry said with a slight chuckle.
Why is he still here?
With my luck he just became a permanent fucking houseguest.
"No. The food is fine." I am dressed impeccably. My hair combed to perfection. I have to fight the urge to run my hand through my hair and mess it up. "I just can't eat right now."
Hermione is picking at her food, too. She is leaning on her elbow, holding her hand over her forehead.
The entire morning has been awkward. I don't know what to say to her. She has barely said two words to me.
Harry looked back and forth between the two of us.
"Alright." He sighed and pushed his plate away, too. "Do either one of you want to tell me what happened yesterday?"
I glared at the dark haired wizard.
"Not particularly, no."
"Just drop it, Harry." Hermione pushed her plate away as well.
He waited for several long moments. The silence seemed to echo through the room.
"I understand that both of you had bad experiences during the war. I get that." He sat up a little straighter and folded his hands together on the table. "You have also asked me to be a part of this whole Serpent and Phoenix thing. If I am going to help you, I need to know what to expect, and how to deal with it when it happens."
I hate to admit it, but he may have a fair point. I released a deep sigh and scrubbed my hand over my face.
"It was a severe anxiety attack." Hermione spoke quietly. Her eyes darted up to mine. "We both get them sometimes. They can be caused by an action that is reminiscent of an experience. Or your mind can start to wander. You think of one thing…then another…then another…until you are reliving the worst day of your life."
Okay.
I can do this.
I reached across the table and covered her hand with my own.
"If you are around when it happens, don't touch either one of us." I squeezed her hand gently. "Fight or flight mode kicks in. You could end up flat on your back with broken bones."
"That has been known to happen." Hermione smirked and huffed out a short, humorless laugh. "More than once, actually."
Harry raised his brow and waited for some kind of explanation. When neither of us continued he went on.
"Alright. No touching. What do I do, then?"
We have gotten rather good at helping each other through these things. Would it work as well if it were Potter talking me through it? I doubt it. It's Hermione. The sound of her voice soothes me. Hell, yesterday she was reciting arithmancy notes. It doesn't matter what she is saying, just that she is talking.
"Provide a safe area." Hermione told him. "The first thing I did yesterday was get all of you out of the room and warded the doors."
"Then you just have to wait for it to pass, which could take awhile." I continued. "We talk each other through it. If it comes down to a time when it is you and I, I would want you to get Hermione for me."
"Same." Hermione nodded. "If it is me, get Draco as fast as you can."
I pushed away from the table and walked to the window. I stared out at the fountain for a few moments.
"Usually there are warning signs. I can feel it coming. I know it is going to happen. In that case, I can take action to prevent it from becoming so severe." I released a deep sigh and shook my head to myself. "Yesterday, it hit so damn fast. Instantaneously. I couldn't stop it."
I held my breath and waited for the inevitable next question.
"Why?"
There it was.
"Because I fucked up." Hermione said it quietly.
"Stop." I turned around and walked back to the table. "Did I fuck up when we fell that day in the forest?"
She sighed and rolled her eyes.
"Of course not."
"Alright then. There is no blame here."
She pulled her lower lip between her teeth and furrowed her brow as she contemplated that analogy.
I could tell the exact moment when she understood that it is true. Her eyes relaxed. Hell, her whole body relaxed, and she nodded once in acknowledgement.
She stood quickly and stepped right into my arms.
It felt like coming home, holding her again. I inhaled deeply and savored the strawberry aroma that is Hermione.
I can feel Harry's eyes on us. I don't even care.
Gently, I cupped my hands around her face and searched her eyes. I love her eyes. I could stare into them forever.
I dipped my head and covered her lips with mine in a slow, deliberate kiss.
Merlin and Salazar, it feels like I haven't kissed her in ages.
She sighed, relishing the contact as much as I.
Harry cleared his throat, reminding us that he is still here.
Reluctantly, I broke the kiss and she rested her head against my chest once again.
Across the table, Harry had turned to face the window rather than watch our intimate moment.
"You can turn around now, Potter." I smirked to myself.
On the table, three half eaten plates of breakfast sit and I am suddenly famished. I released my hold on Hermione and took my seat. Then I pulled my plate back and dug in.
It's not exactly warm any more, but I am going to eat it anyway.
Harry raised his brow in a silent question that has no answer. With a shrug of his shoulders, he also pulled his plate back and started eating again.
Hermione sat in her chair, but she pushed her plate further away and rested her head on the table.
"Mione?" Harry asked. "Are you alright?"
She sighed and lifted her head.
"Just tired." She rubbed her temple and blinked her eyes several times. There is a crinkle in her brow. "I didn't get much sleep last night."
Bloody hell. How did I miss the signs?
Because you were stuck in your own damn head and missed them.
Harry raised his brow but didn't question her.
"You should go lie down."
"No." She shook her head slowly. "Professor Bones will be back."
"I can handle that." I can see it in her eyes. The migraine is getting worse. "Have you taken your medicine?"
"I don't need it right now. I am fine." She rolled her eyes and sighed.
"Your left eye is watering. And your ear is bright red."
She wiped at her eye and looked at the moisture on her finger.
"Fuck." She closed her eyes and rubbed her hand over her forehead.
Did she really not realize how bad it had gotten?
"Mione?" Harry asked again.
"What about Professor Bones?" She sighed again and ran her hand through her hair. She ignored Potter completely.
"She is coming to talk to me. She'll probably bring Edinfield with her so he can verify I haven't lost the plot." I opened her bag and retrieved her new box of medicine.
She took the small pill from my hand and tapped in on the table.
"You know I will sleep the rest of the day, right?" She sounded resigned to the fact that she would lose the whole day.
"I know. Apparently Potter isn't going anywhere, so you don't have to worry about me." Although having some time to myself might be nice for a change.
"Alright then." Reluctantly she placed the pill on her tongue and swallowed it with a swig of pumpkin juice.
"Don't worry, Harry." She finally looked over at her oldest friend. "It's a really bad headache. I'll feel better after some rest."
She got up from the table slowly. Harry and I both watched as she left the dining room.
"A bad headache?" He glared at the door she had disappeared through. "Right. I don't know which is worse, that she is still keeping secrets from me, or that she trusts you more than she does me, even after all that we have been through together."
"She isn't lying. It is a bad headache. She gets them every now and then. She has to take this muggle medicine for them." The box is still sitting on the table next to me. I slid it over and let him look at it.
"Is it from the head injury last week?" He turned the box over in his hands and opened the end of it.
"No. She seems to have one every few weeks."
He finished his examination of her medicine and tossed the box back to me. I opened her bag and dropped them back in the drawer where they belong.
"I don't remember her having headaches like that during the war." He ran his hand through his hair and glanced at the door.
"Why are you still here, Potter?"
He hesitated. His head tilted to one side as he contemplated how to answer that question.
"Because the two of you have no idea how much danger you are in."
That is not the reason why. I would bet money on it. I waited several heartbeats for him to continue. He did not.
"We have always been in danger." I stood from the table and collected the dishes that remained there. "Go home, Potter."
I turned my back on him. In the kitchen, I dropped the plates in the sink and poured a fresh cup of tea.
I fully intended to go check on Hermione, but when I turned back towards the dining room, Potter was standing by the door.
"Hermione has been by my side since she lied to McGonagall about that stupid troll that attacked her on Halloween in first year." He shuffled on his feet and ran his hand through his hair.
"That would be the first time she was nearly killed at Hogwarts." I raised my brow and waited for him to continue.
He averted his eyes and took a deep breath.
"It certainly was not the last," he acknowledged. "No matter how bad it got, she never deserted me. Not once. She knew that what was happening, what I had to do, was bigger than just me. She was there for all of it, no matter what. It didn't matter that she was targeted, or bullied, or tortured, or even…"
He closed his eyes hard and pinched the bridge of his nose.
Anxiety squeezed around my heart. A quick pulse. I know what he means. He doesn't have to say it.
I balled my hands into tight fists, crossed my arms over my chest, and glared at the man that used to be my enemy.
He cleared his throat.
"After all of that and more, she continued to fight for what she knew was right. She gave up everything to make sure I succeeded in defeating Voldemort."
He ran his hand through his hair again. He walked over to the window and looked up to the second floor, where Hermione is now.
"Now it's her turn to complete an impossible task." He turned around and faced me. He lifted his chin and rolled his shoulders back. "I'm not going anywhere, Malfoy. I will be by her side, fighting for what is right and protecting her, and by extension you, with my very life if need be."
His voice was hard. He is not asking for permission here. This is non-negotiable.
In that moment, a sense of calm washed through me. My shoulders relaxed. I took a deep breath.
He is devoted to protecting her. Just as I am.
"Are you saying that you would pledge your life to the protection of Hermione and myself?" I stepped forward and placed both hands on the island countertop between us. I studied him intently, looking for any indication that I had misunderstood his intent.
"That is exactly what I am saying, Malfoy."
That is more than I had hoped for from any of our friends. When we asked for help, we stressed that it could be dangerous. I never thought that we would be asking them to put their own lives on the line for us.
It makes me a little uncomfortable, to be honest.
"We are not asking you to do that." I felt the need to clarify.
He stepped up to the opposite side of the counter and mirrored my stance, placing both hands on the counter and stared at me.
"You don't have to ask, and you don't get a choice in the matter. I am volunteering. Whether you like it or not, you are stuck with me."
I am loathe to admit it, but a sense of relief flushed through my body. He has already saved our lives once. I have no doubt he would do it again.
After a long moment, I rolled my eyes and sighed.
"Something told me that if I let you stay last night, I would never be rid of you." I shook my head back and forth. Despite the words, my lip curled up on one side in a smirk. "Like a damned lost puppy. Feed it once and it's yours forever."
"I will take an unbreakable vow if you want me to. Or a Wizard's oath?"
My lip curled up in disgust. Who does he think I am? The Dark Lord? I am not going to force him to pledge his fealty for Salazar's sake!
"No. No vows. No oaths." A thought hit me in that moment that made me smirk. "When Hermione is feeling better, I fully expect you to tell her exactly what you just told me."
His shoulders relaxed and he released a short laugh.
"You know what she will say." His lip curled up in a smile.
"Oh, I know exactly what she will say." I laughed a short laugh. "She will tell you to fuck off."
"What about you, Malfoy?" His green eyes bore into mine. "Are you telling me to fuck off?"
I considered his question for a long moment. To be honest, I feel better knowing he is willing to protect us. To protect her.
Just as I would.
He makes a good case for why he would be willing to do so. He is still not telling me the whole story, though. If it were that simple, wouldn't Weasley be here right now, too?
I cleared my throat. In a sudden moment of clarity, I understood.
"You love her." No animosity. No challenge. Only understanding. "Don't you?"
He swallowed hard.
"Yes." He inhaled deeply and released it slowly. "Not in a romantic sort of way, but still, yes."
His answer does not surprise me. I already knew it was true when I said it. It is the only explanation for why he would make a pledge like that.
If he would risk his life to protect Hermione, who am I to stop him?
"Her life is in our hands, Harry. If I can't protect her, I will expect you to do it for me."
He nodded his head once and held his hand out to me across the table. I did not hesitate. I clasped my hand around his and shook it once.
"Come with me. I need to show you something."
I summoned Hermione's bag from the dining room and led him through the glass doors to the courtyard.
We crossed the courtyard and entered the library. The room is quiet. Hell, the whole castle is quiet.
I dropped her bag on the table closest to the fire and reached inside to retrieve the journal that Ravenclaw had used to record her dreams. I fanned through the pages until I came to the page I had marked.
My intention was to show it to Hermione after the trial. I never got around to that, though, did I?
I made a mental note to show her when she wakes up. In the meantime, I looked over the image one more time.
"We are facing danger far beyond a few death threats." I looked up from the book to make sure he is paying attention. "We assumed the Darkness is the pureblood ideology."
"What do you mean, assumed? It's not?"
I put the book on the table and pushed it across to him.
He studied the image on the page.
Hermione, with a black figure behind her and a large snake in front of her. The black figure has its hands on her shoulders, pushing her forward. She is on a ledge, and she is taking a step forward into nothingness.
"What is this?" I can hear the trepidation in his voice as he tried to make sense of what he is seeing.
"One of Ravenclaw's drawings."
That didn't exactly answer the question, I suppose.
"I don't understand. Is the dark figure pushing her towards the snake, or pulling her back away from it?"
A sense of dread settled in my stomach. Perhaps I messed up by showing him that drawing. Because he doesn't know, and the only way to explain it is to give him details.
Brilliant.
I rolled my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose.
"Do you remember when Bones let everyone out of class that could cast a patronus?"
He glanced up at me quickly, then returned to studying the picture.
"Right. Hermione wouldn't leave with us. She stayed in class with you."
"Merlin and Salazar, do you still think that?" Every time I think he may be smarter than I have always thought, he demonstrates his ignorance.
This is the man that I am entrusting with Hermione's life?
What the fuck was I thinking?
I released a deep sigh and scrubbed my hand over my face.
"Your patronus is a snake." His brow crinkled as he studied the drawing. I saw it the moment he understood. His eyes widened and he pushed the book back away from him. "Bloody hell. Are you saying that this has already happened? Or that it will happen?"
"It has already happened." I reached over and slid the book towards me. My eyes skimmed over the image once again.
"The Demon almost won last night…"
A cold chill worked its way down my spine.
"Hermione believes there is a Demon at Hogwarts that is feeding off of student's insecurities, anxiety and fears." I marked the page and closed the book as I released a deep sigh.
"You told me that was impossible." Hermione's voice carried across the library. I jumped at the sound of her voice. I might have cringed before turning in my seat and looking up at the second floor balcony.
She has her hand on her hip and her lips pinched together in frustration.
"Why aren't you lying down? You need rest." I scowled up at her.
"Do not change the subject, Malfoy." She threw her hands in the air and practically stomped down the winding staircase to the ground floor. "What made you change your mind?"
My lip curled up in a smirk. I like when she is annoyed with me. I can admit that.
She stopped at the end of the table, crossed her arms over her chest and popped her hip out to the side. There is a furrow in her brow as she glared down at me.
Rather than try to hide it from her, I opened the book to the page I had marked and pushed it towards the empty chair beside me.
She looked back and forth between us and sat down before looking at the drawing.
"Oh, Gods!" Her hand flew up to cover her mouth and all of the color drained from her face.
"You knew about this?" Her voice was quiet. Cold. She narrowed her eyes and glared at me. "When I told you that I thought the Darkness was targeting us…"
"No." I stopped her right there. "No, I didn't. I found this the day after. The morning of the trial."
She stared at me, trying to decide whether or not she should believe me. After a long moment or two, she turned her stare towards Harry.
"Did he tell you, then? What happened that night?"
"No." He shook his head emphatically.
She gave him the same stare she had given me before returning her attention to the picture.
"I was right, then." She visibly shivered. "The Darkness is targeting us. It knows."
She had a haunted look in her eye that sent a cold chill down my spine. She pulled her knees up to her chest and rested her cheek on them.
"You really should be resting." I told her quietly.
"Hm. I had strange dreams." She muttered softly. Her eyes fluttered a few times, then closed.
I moved quickly to retrieve her journal from her bag. I opened it to an empty page and handed her a graphite pencil.
She released a short sigh. I am not convinced she was even awake when she leaned forward in the chair and started drawing.
I watched in rapt attention, studying every line as it appeared on the page.
Harry leaned forward in his seat so he could watch, too. If he thought it was odd that she is half asleep, drawing a picture without paying any attention at all to what she is actually drawing, he did not say anything.
The image that slowly formed on the page was that of a Phoenix in flight, surrounded by darkness.
[ - - - ]
When Professor Bones stopped by mid-afternoon, Hermione had finally gone back to sleep and Harry had left to go to Diagon Alley.
I invited her into the formal sitting room.
"How are you feeling today, Draco?" She sat on the end of the loveseat and crossed one leg over the other.
I huffed out a short laugh.
How in the fuck am I supposed to answer that?
I sat on the other end of the loveseat. I rested my elbows on my knees and clasped my hands together. I trained my eyes on the fire and watched the dancing flames for a long moment.
"Humiliated." I inhaled deeply and blew the air out slowly. "If I thought I could get away with obliviating all four of you, I would do it in a heartbeat."
She released a short laugh. Out of the corner of my eye I saw her relax back in her seat, just a little bit.
"You have been through so much. It is understandable that it can be a lot to deal with." She turned towards the fire and joined me in watching the flames. "I thought about bringing Healer Edinfield with me. I know that you have been seeing him as part of your probation."
Brilliant. Just what I need.
"You told him what happened?" I released a deep, resigned sigh. I have managed to not discuss my anxiety attacks with him since the beginning of term. As far as I know, he thinks they have stopped.
"No." She sighed as well. "No, I did not tell him. That is entirely up to you."
Relief washed through me. That is one of many conversations that I do not want to have. Not yet, anyway.
"Thank you." I squeezed my hands together and finally turned my head to look at her.
She nodded at me once, then stood and walked over to the window.
"Minister Shacklebolt and Auror Robards assumed that you were hearing of Hermione's assault for the first time as well." She stared out at the courtyard and hesitated for a moment before she continued. "I did not correct that assumption, but I am sure that you already knew."
There is no point in denying it, right?
"I knew." I admitted, just loud enough for her to hear me. Still, there is a little comfort in knowing they created a reasonable excuse for my episode.
"It is difficult. Knowing that someone you care about endured something like that." She turned and faced me, watching me carefully. "Especially when you feel responsible."
I released a sigh and finally sat back in my seat.
She thinks she has it figured out, the reason for my anxiety.
She isn't wrong. I do feel responsible.
I am responsible.
But that is not why I lost my shit last night.
I wonder what she would say if she knew the truth of it. Would she feel sorry for me? Would she be horrified? Would she look at me differently after she knew?
I could find out right now. This would be the perfect moment to confide in her.
What would it gain, though? Why would this woman ever need to know what happened to me? It wouldn't change anything to tell her.
What happened, happened. Telling her about it won't change a damn thing.
It isn't about changing the past.
I huffed a short laugh at my own inner dialog.
I told Hermione that ages ago, trying to convince her that talking to the mind healer could help her deal with her trauma.
"I am responsible." I finally said in response to Bones skeptical stare.
She crossed her arms over her chest, tilted her head to one side and narrowed her eyes as she studied me.
Perhaps I won't have to tell her. She is an investigator, after all. She could figure it out on her own.
"I let him into Hogwarts, Professor. If I had not completed that part of my task, she would not have been assaulted."
A cold shudder ran down my spine.
No, I have not forgiven myself for that. Nor will I. Ever.
She continued to watch me for several heartbeats.
I returned my gaze to the fire and leaned forward on my elbows once again.
"Draco, you couldn't have known that would be the outcome." She sat beside me. Her voice is comforting, understanding.
She doesn't understand, though, does she? Not really.
"I should have considered the consequences of letting Death Eaters into Hogwarts, though." I stood and paced away from her, giving myself much needed breathing room. "At the time, all I considered was the consequences for myself and my family if I did not succeed."
I was a damned fool. It would have been better all around if I had just not fixed that damned cabinet.
"Hindsight is often clearer than foresight."
I moved to the window and stared out at the fountain. She is still trying to reassure me that my actions did not directly affect Hermione. She is wrong, of course.
"That it is." I lifted my eyes from the fountain to the windows on the second floor across from me. The Master Suite. Hermione is there now, sleeping.
My actions directly affect her. I need to ensure that they will always have a positive effect. A tall order, to be sure.
As Bones said, hindsight often reveals our mistakes after the fact. It also gives us room to learn, to improve, so we do not make the same mistakes again.
What have I learned?
I have learned to trust in the right people. I have learned to think of Hermione over myself. And I have learned that sometimes the only way to self preservation is through vulnerability and bravery.
Being brave means you don't let being scared stop you.
I rolled my shoulders back and turned to face her once again.
"What do you really want to know, Auror Bones?"
Because she is here as an auror, isn't she? Not as a professor.
"That you are okay, Draco." She stood and crossed the room to stand in front of me. "I want to know that you are okay."
"And what if I am not?" My brow crinkled as I looked down at the older witch. "Should I reassure you that all is well and send you on your merry way?"
"No." She shook her head slightly and took a deep breath. "I would rather know the truth. I want to help. However I can."
Something inside me snapped. The impossible situation that I find myself in leapt to the front of my thoughts.
I ran my hand through my hair and returned my gaze to the windows across the courtyard.
"You want to help? Tell me how in the fuck I am supposed to help her, when every time she talks about it, I freak the fuck out. She thinks talking about it helps. I would rather never talk about that shit. Ever." Words kept tumbling from my mouth as I paced back and forth in front of the windows. "She just says it, like it's nothing. How can she do that? How can she give voice to it so easily like that?"
I stopped, turned and looked at her expectantly. Her eyes are wide. She licked her lips.
"It is part of her healing process. She has to come to terms with what happened. She has to accept that it happened before she can hope to move on."
"That is a load of dragon dung." I rolled my eyes. "I am moving on just fine. I can accept it on my own without having to tell everyone about it. Why can't she?"
I know I am not being rational right now, and I thank the Gods that Hermione is not here to listen to this little tirade of mine.
Bones tilted her head to one side and crossed her arms over her chest. She took a long moment, gathering her thoughts, before she responded.
"I understand that you love her, and that you feel some responsibility, but Draco, this is her trauma to heal from. She needs to heal from it in her own way."
I ran both hands through my hair and rolled my eyes to the ceiling.
Brilliant, Draco. She has no clue what the fuck you are talking about.
"I know that." I forced a deep breath through my nose. My heart is thundering in my chest.
Shut the fuck up.
"I don't think I understand what you are asking."
No, of course she doesn't.
Because she doesn't know.
I need to do a better job of explaining.
"Hermione is dealing with her trauma. She is doing an amazing job at it. She is getting better every day." It is important for me to acknowledge all of that. "I have been trying to help her through it all. But this, I don't know how to help her with this. I don't know how to stop the anxiety when she starts talking about her attack."
She is still staring at me. Still trying to figure out what the fuck I am trying to say.
I don't even know what the fuck I am trying to say. Not really.
Fuck it.
"I don't know how to stop the memories in my head. I wish I could just obliviate myself and never have to go back to that night ever again."
I sat heavily on the loveseat and dropped my head to my hands.
The only sound in the sitting room was the fire crackling in the hearth.
"Draco?" I can hear the question in her voice.
I squeezed my hands together so hard my knuckles cracked.
This is it. The moment of truth.
Am I brave enough?
No. No I am not.
It isn't about me, though, is it? I have to figure this out.
For Hermione.
Just…give me a minute.
"Did you…" She stepped closer, tentatively. "Did you see…did you witness…"
Oh, Merlin.
"No." I cut her off quickly. "I didn't find out until months later. When he told me what he had done to her."
A cold chill ran down my spine. I can still hear his voice in the back of my mind.
"He told you?" She took another step towards me.
"Yes." The memories are right there, fighting to take over my mind. I focused my eyes on the wooden floor, studying the pattern between my feet and forced myself to keep breathing. "After…after she escaped from Malfoy Manor."
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
I can do this.
Just…keep breathing.
"He was…angry." I swallowed hard. That was an understatement, to say the least. "He took that anger out on me. They all did, really."
Bones didn't say anything, but I can feel her eyes on me as she waited for me to continue.
I kept my eyes on the floor, my hands gripped tight together, and forced one more deep breath.
"I was…punished. For allowing them to escape."
All of the air left my lungs. I can feel my heartbeat in my ears.
Breathe.
I listened to the small voice in my head that sounded an awful lot like Hermione. I focused on each breath and fought to keep my mind blank, to keep those memories from overwhelming me like they did yesterday.
Bones is still staring at me. I can see her out of the corner of my eye. She has her arms crossed over her chest and her brow furrowed. She is waiting for me to continue.
I will not give her more details than that. She does not need them. Not for the purposes of this conversation.
Besides, 'punished' covers it quite well, I should think. Tortured. Beaten. Cursed. Violated.
It took a minute or two, maybe five or ten, before I could breathe somewhat normally again.
"Hermione is dealing with her trauma brilliantly." I finally stated once again. "Every time she starts talking about it, though, I go back to that night in my mind. I don't know how to stop it."
Silence stretched out between us.
She still hasn't said a single word. Slowly, I lifted my head from my hands and turned to face her.
She is staring at me with what I can only describe as a mixture of shock and compassion.
She blinked a few times and took a deep breath.
She cleared her throat.
"Have you talked to Healer Edinfield about this?" She asked quietly.
I huffed out a short breath and shook my head.
No. I have not talked to him about that night. Or about the anxiety attacks.
"You want to be able to help Hermione on her path, which is very noble of you." She spoke in a calm, soothing voice that I can only imagine she learned in her auror training. "But Draco, the only way you can help her down that path is if you are walking it with her."
I blinked twice and released a deep sigh before dropping my head into my hands once again. I don't need to ask her what she means.
I understand completely.
The only way to give Hermione the support she needs is to confront what happened to me.
Fucking brilliant.
"Are you sure you can't just obliviate me?"
"You know that I cannot do that." She continued to speak in that soothing voice that is more irritating than soothing.
I stared into the fire for quite awhile.
"Thank you." I told her finally. I blinked several times and turned to look at her. "I am sure you were not expecting this when you stopped over."
"Honestly, no." She gave me a small smile and a short laugh. "I fully expected you to lie to me, tell me you are fine and send me on my way."
I huffed out a short laugh in return.
"That was the plan." I acknowledged. "I appreciate your advice. It's given me a lot to think about. I know you are under no obligation to secrecy…"
"I won't tell a soul."
"Not even your boyfriend?" I half expect her to deny it. I can see her debating it back and forth in her head.
"No. I won't tell Jeremy." She cleared her throat. "I will leave that to you."
I nodded once in understanding, then rolled my neck back and released a deep sigh.
"I should get going." She stood to leave. "Would you like me to bring him by?"
"No. That won't be necessary. It can wait until we are back at Hogwarts."
Her lips pinched together in disapproval. She did not argue the point, though.
After she had gone, I continued to sit and watch the fire for a good long time. Her solution makes sense, even though it is absolutely terrifying.
Hermione makes it look easy, but I know that it has not been easy for her.
There was a day months ago when she hit her breaking point. She asked me that day how to get rid of the Demon. How to get rid of the Darkness.
You take the help that is offered.
Perhaps I have reached my own breaking point, and now it is time for me to take the help that has been offered as well, as terrifying as that may be.
[ - - - ]
AN: Ok, so Harry is on board and Draco is realizing that he can't just ignore what happened to him. As always - I would love to hear your thoughts!
Welcome to the new readers that have joined this story, and for those of you that have been with me from the beginning - nothing but love for all of you. Thank you so much for sticking with me through this journey.
Until next time.
-mezy